Title: Kiss.
Author: AspergianStoryteller.
Genre: Supernatural/General.
Summary: When a dementor tried to Kiss Harry Potter, it got more than it bargained for. And Harry did not walk away unaffected. Don't own Harry Potter. Warning: this chapter contains brief flashing and humour with WWW products.
Chapter 18: Potion Induced Funnies.
They talked about the Tournament in anticipation and didn't go back to bed until almost everyone else had gone.
The next morning Harry reluctantly told Hermione about his "episode" quietly over breakfast.
'Harry, I think we should wait a bit longer to start our, extra lessons,' she said seriously. 'I mean until we understand your condition better. I think Dark magic may have some effect on it, and besides, you may be scanned again at the hospital after last night.'
Before Harry could argue with her, Ron added 'I'm with her on this one Harry. Waiting a bit longer is fine.' Waiting longer was definitely fine if it meant less chance of repeating last night.
Harry sighed and grabbed a piece of jam on toast. 'Fine.' (He was touched, really.)
'After breakfast you had better go see Professor McGonagall and tell her about it,' Hermione said.
'I will.' Mm, the jam was raspberry today.
Shortly after Harry walked to his Head of House's office to report before class. She was sorting though essays before her first class.
*Knock knock* 'Professor?'
'Come in... Good morning Mr. Potter. Sit down.'
'Good morning Professor. Um, you said to tell you if I had a weird night again right? Well I had one last night.'
Professor McGonagall told Harry to detail it. When he was done she told him to report to the Hospital Wing and gave him a late note for class.
Once there, he repeated his account, got checked over and accepted a chocolate frog pick-me-up. The first class he had that day was Potions, researching antidotes in the library again. Harry gave Professor Snape the note quickly so he wouldn't deduct points, and Snape gave him a long look before sending him to do his work.
Later that day Harry decided to take Healer's Nathaniel's advice about doing a quiet activity and took his flute with him to Hagrid's house. Music was not compulsory at Hogwarts, but facilities and instruments were available anyway and there was sometimes a performance in the Great Hall or outside. Harry would sometimes sit and learn tunes from Hagrid, who wasn't half bad himself.
'Well done Harry. I think you've got that one down.'
Harry smiled up at his friend and replayed the song to make sure he really had it right. "Bats Under Orion" was a tune a centaur had taught Hagrid; it was full of short, sharp high notes and longer low ones, rising and falling as the bats danced under the Orion constellation when it was high in the night sky. Music wasn't as fun as flying like the bats, but it was soothing.
The last notes trailed away and they sat in silence for a while. Hagrid asked Harry how he was holding up after the Quiditch World Cup and the dementor attack.
'I'm okay.'
Hagrid raised his bushy eyebrow.
'Mostly okay. I'm getting better.'
'Alrigh'. You look after yourself Harry.'
'You too Hagrid. Those blast-ended-skrewts are dangerous.'
The rest of the week was relatively quiet. Harry, Hermione and Ron made careful note of the Dark curses Moody demonstrated in class to practise in the Chamber later. In the Gryffindor Dorms, excitement rose as the Triwizard Tournament drew near, and Fred and George began testing their products on other people. Ron, usually wise enough not to eat anything the twins offered him, was bribed into testing a mysterious pill with pink and blue ends.
'I don't feel anything. Do I look different?' He checked his skin for unusual spots and colours fearfully.
'I guess the dosage isn't strong enough,' Fred sighed. 'Oh well, you can still keep the galleon Ron.' He and George wandered away to scribble on their clipboards. It wasn't until five minutes later that Hermione arrived from the library and started giggling. Harry looked where she was looking and his eyes widened. The twins exchanged wicked grins and highfived each other. Several people were staring at Ron and snickering by the time he noticed and realised that the pink pill had gradually caused a pair of boobs to grow on his chest.
'Oh my god!'
That triggered the whole Common Room to burst out laughing at him.
'Fred! George!'
The twins got up and ran as their little "sister" chased after them. 'Make them go away!' He roared. 'Give me the antidote!'
'Aw come on Ron! You look great! Smashing!'
'Nice tits Ron!'
*Flash!* Colin managed to hold his camera steady as he laughed.
'Oi Ron, take it off!' Seamus yelled. 'Take a look!'
Fred and George were out of reach now (behind the quiditch chasers) so Ron stopped to catch his breath and gather his thoughts. Come to think of it, he was curious about boobs, and now he had a pair to freely look at, even if they shouldn't be there.
'What's with all the noise down there?' Percy's voice called down. He came out of his room and stood at the top of the stair case. 'Some people are trying to stu-' the Prefect's eyes went wide in shock and his mouth dropped open. Seeing the twins with odd colouring and attachments was normal at home, but Ron with breasts?
As sneaky as Slytherins, the twins crept out from behind the chaser and approached Ron. Then they vanished his upper robe, exposing his new, freckled body parts.
'Argh!'
'Woohoo!'
More laughter and wolf whistles.
Percy covered his eyes and ran back to his room.
Ron covered his chest and glared at his brothers. They had fallen over in their mirth. Ginny came over and peered closely at Ron.
'Nice "big sister",' she drawled gleefully. 'They've got freckles.'
'Let's see,' Seamus said. He and several other Gryffindors crowded around for a closer look.
'What is going on in here?' Professors McGonagall and Snape (who had been in the middle of a meeting) entered the dorm.
Ron froze in horror.
'I see. Would whoever did this to Mr. Weasley please set him right now?' Minerva had seen many a gender-bender incident in her time. Highly popular in during the 60's and 70's. Severus was amused, remembering his own experience with this kind of prank. He viewed it in a pensive every April's Fool's Day.
Fred and George composed themselves and gave Ron the blue end of the pill to swallow.
'It'll take a minute to kick in,' they told him.
After the teachers had left people started asking if there were more of those pills available.
'Sorry people, we're out of boomslang skin,' George said. 'We have to order more.'
Ron got his robe conjured back and returned to his seat for chess. Harry was already losing and now being slaughtered because he couldn't stop giggling. Neither could Hermione.
'I'd stop giggling if I were you,' he warned. 'Now that they know it works, those pills are going to start showing up in people's pumpkin juice.' (Note*)
...
'And don't think you're safe Hermione. The blue end will probably give you balls or something.'
She got a expression somewhere between horror and morbid curiosity.
'On the upside, if we could trick Malfoy into taking one...'
XXX xxx XXX
Extra.
1974- April 1st- 7:30 am. Slytherin Dormitory.
*Ring ring ring.* Severus quickly shut off the alarm clock and slipped out of bed. Big day today. It was on rare occasions like this that Lily would join him in a prank. It made this day not only bearable but brilliant.
Robes warded against every prank he could of? Check.
Supplies for today? Check.
8 am.
Severus walked into the half-full Great Hall and nodded to Lily at the Gryffindor table. She would sometimes join him at Slytherin but not today. Soon the Marauders entered the Hall, grinning gleefully, which usually meant trouble. Over the course of breakfast, at least five Slytherins and three from Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Gryffindor and two teachers had their hair turn pink. All over their bodies.
Lily left after finishing her toast. Mixed berry jam today. Ten minutes later, Severus got up. Mixed berry jam also. Something he, Lily and Petunia actually had in common. Their picnic that Summer had been surprisingly peaceful.
This bit had to be done carefully. He walked around past the Gryffindor table, which was just asking for trouble today. That was the plan.
The Marauders were just seats away. Laughing. Lupin had a pink bow in his hair somehow bestowed during a stroll last night.
Five seats away. Severus fingered his wand.
Three. 'Rictasempra!'
He bolted down the rest of the Hall while Black fell over laughing.
*Squeak!* 'Argh!' Severus crashed into wall and bounced off after a large scourgify spread out over the floor send him skidding.
Get up! The Marauders were coming after him. He found his footing and carefully speed-walked over he rest of the charmed area. The slowness was frustrating.
'Did you see him go?' James crowed. 'Ha!'
Run! He kept going. Pursuers behind him casting jinxes.
Jump! 'Protego!' Better safe than sorry. He may have missed something in the warding. There was the spot! He disillusioned himself, weeks worth of practising paying off, and ducked to the side.
Blowpipe put. Raise it. Fire!
*Whisk!* *Thunk!*
'Where is he? What was that sting?'
'Find him!'
Lily, also disillusioned, stood half out of the tapestry just down and to the right of him firing from her own blow pipe loaded with light-weight poisoned darts. Once they had hit each target with the appropriate darts, they slipped away.
Twenty minutes later, Gryffindor and Slytherin had Potions together.
The class burst out into laughter, both sides.
'Goodness gracious boys, er girls. You're almost late.' Professor Slughorn smiled at the Marauders marching in, trying to maintain their dignity. Lupin managed it best, and now his ribbon suited him better.
Severus's darts had been filled with a cosmetic potion to temporarily enlarge a girl's breasts. This one was the branch version adjusted for males, most often used by single dads. Lily's potion was for scalp-hair growth. The result was four boys with boobs and long (longer in Sirius's case) hair.
Professor Slughorn had supervised the brewing of this extra-credit project and mouthed 'twenty points,' at his best students. Severus had reluctantly been the first test subject last week. Since it worked on him, Lily agreed to help him prank the Marauders. (And because they (Sirius and James really) deserved it for being such jerks to the Slytherin third years last month.)
James told a horrified Sirius that he now looked more like his cousin Bella. Sirius retaliated by using James's own long, black hair to choke him. James grabbed Sirius's boob.
'Cat fight!'
'Go Jamie!'
'Settle down ladies!'
Remus reached over and pulled their hair.
'Ouch, Moony!'
'You bitch!'
*Tug!*
Severus grinned and shared it with Lily.
Happy April's Fools.
XXX xxx XXX
Who would like another extra featuring gender-bending magic? Thanks for reading!
Note* Okay, something like this is funny and harmless but in real life spiked drinks can have dire, even fatal consequences. If you're at a bar, don't take your eyes off your drink for even a split second; a lot of people actually just hold their drinks while they dance.