Brenda comes to lunch Part 2
Anastasia's viewpoint
I felt Brenda coming back to us, from wherever she had been, her tears slowly stopping.
This was going to be the hard bit. Natalie and I had been lying there recovering from our giggling fit when we noticed the barren expression on Brenda's face, then the tears had started and without thinking Nat had been over on the couch with Brenda, offering comfort and support.
She always had been the more emotional, giving one, always the one with the big heart; it's why I loved her so much. With her it was instinctual, me, I thought first and acted second, but it was obvious something bad had hit Brenda hard. Deputy Chiefs of the LAPD don't fall apart without a reason, let alone on someone else's sofa.
Still, she needed help and if we could give it to her then it was the very least we could do. I took my place alongside Brenda, just rubbing her back while Natalie spoke quietly to her, just meaningless words of comfort to bring her back to herself.
We must have sat there for a minute or two, before Brenda suddenly stiffened, obviously realising where she was. Nat continued to talk to her, her voice low and soothing.
"Hey Brenda, it's ok, you're ok, take your time" She kept her head down, no doubt ashamed of breaking down in front of near strangers.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me, I'm so sorry"
"Nothing to be sorry about, we all have bad times, sometimes you just have to let it out"
"Well… thank you for a lovely lunch, I really should be going" I looked across Brenda to see the look on Nat's face, if I didn't stop Brenda, she would.
"Hey Brenda, why don't you hang here for a couple of minutes, it's probably not a good move to be driving in your state" She stiffened even more.
"What state? I'm fine thank you" I waved towards her wineglass on the coffee table.
"You're probably still over the legal limit, you probably need another 30 minutes or so before you're under, wouldn't be the best look to get pulled over on a DUI violation" I flashed a glance at Nat, asking for help.
"Yeah, it'd be bad PR for the LAPD and lord knows you don't want Pope breathing down your neck" She mock shuddered to try and get Brenda to laugh. It didn't quite work but she lost a little stiffness in her posture. "Ana, could you please make us some coffee? How do you take yours Brenda?"
"I don't want to be a bother, I'm fine" Natalie smiled at her.
"Ana's a trained barista and we have an espresso machine so you get any kind of coffee you might like. Go on" I could see her mind working, asking for a coffee would get me into the kitchen, then she only had to get past Natalie to leave. I smiled; she didn't know Nat at all.
"Well, a cappuccino would be wonderful if it's not too much trouble" I stood up.
"One cappuccino coming up" I strode out to the kitchen and got the machine warmed up, which took a couple of minutes.
Meanwhile I shamelessly eavesdropped as Brenda tried to find a reason to leave, only to run into Natalie's logical reasons why she shouldn't. When she wanted to, she could construct a damned good logical argument for most things, which was exactly what she was doing now.
Eventually she brought the subject gently back to what had happened.
"Brenda, if it was our behaviour that caused you any discomfort, I'm so very sorry…" Brenda looked shocked.
"Oh no, you've both been lovely, it was just me, I'm sorry"
"Don't be Brenda. Are you sure? You seemed like you were having a good time until then"
"Oh I was, it was nothing, really" Nat smiled at her, her 'really, tell me more' smile, all compassionate and concerned. Most people forgot that she had been a journalist, an investigative journalist and a good one. I'd never told her but she could have been a good cop, if her life had gone in a different path.
She could be a great interviewer as well; she could tease things out of people without them knowing how much they were letting on. I called it her 'enough rope' technique.
"Well, please tell me what may have upset you, we'd love to have you visit again, but we want you to have a good time and certainly not have you upset again"
"Oh it's nothing to do with you, it was me"
"Oh Brenda, I'm so sorry, I was worried that we'd done something to upset you"
"Oh no, it was nothing you did, please don't worry about that"
"Well of course I worry, it's not like you to be upset, you're such a strong person normally that I was worried, that you were OK and that we could help you"
"It's nothing, I'm fine now"
"Are you sure Brenda, you looked quite upset and if there's anything that I can do to help you, I'm here for you, so is Anastasia"
"I'll be fine, really, I should head home"
"Well, Ana'll be here shortly with your coffee. In the meantime, I'm a bit concerned that you'll be ok when you leave. Is there someone at home who can keep an eye on you, just be there if you need them?"
"No, I'm feeling much better now"
"Is there no one we can call Brenda, just so that you'll have someone to keep an eye on you?"
"No, look I live alone, but I'll be alright. I really should go" Natalie suddenly got a 'piecing it all together' look, which I recognised.
"There's no one is there Brenda? No one to call, no one to look after you? No one"
"I'm fine Natalie; please let the subject drop, please" Brenda's voice grew louder.
"Why are you running Brenda? You don't have to be lonely, we're here to listen, to be here when you need someone, it's a lot better than being lonely in an empty house" Brenda's voice grew even louder, although I could see the shocked expression on her face.
"I beg your pardon? What are you insinuating?" Natalie shrugged.
"I'm not insinuating anything. You're separated, a bit of a workaholic, someone who buries themselves in their work. It's only natural given your alone to do so and sometimes the loneliness gets too much, doesn't it"
Brenda just stared at Natalie, obviously unsure of what to say. Natalie pressed her advantage.
"It's normal to feel lonely Brenda, it is. I'm not going to tell you it isn't" She reached out and laid her hand on Brenda's.
"Look, I'm simply saying that you sometimes need to open up to someone. To tell them that you're not ok, that you're feeling like crap, without worrying what they might think. Neither Ana or I would dare to judge you, but if you want someone to talk to, someone to talk about the fact that you're lonely, talk to us"
Brenda sat there, looking a lot smaller than normal. She lived her life as the Chief; the boss; the person who led from the front, it must be hard for her to accept that sometimes she didn't have to be the strong one. Finally she spoke.
"I'm sorry Natalie; you shouldn't have had to deal with this…" Natalie jumped in on that hard.
"Bullshit Brenda. No one's an island; everyone needs someone to lean on, not always, just when needed" She paused as I came in and put a cup in Brenda's hands and walked over to sit on the other sofa, giving Brenda some room with Nat, who continued speaking.
"Look Brenda, it's completely natural to be lonely, especially in the situation you're in. It's hard to be completely open with the people around you when you're their boss. Same with the people above you, all they want to see is that you're doing your job effectively. It helps to be able to talk to people, to know they care" Sitting there, I decided to dive in.
"Do you have anyone you can really talk to openly about stuff like this, how you're feeling?" Brenda looked quite small sitting there.
"Only Sharon, Sharon Raydor of FID. We managed to become friends, despite everything that's happened. God alone knows how, we used to fight constantly, could barely stand to be civil to one another, now she's like my only real friend in the city"
"Not the only one Brenda. Look, neither Ana nor I work for you; we're neither your subordinates nor your superiors, so it doesn't matter what you say to us, it's ok"
"I couldn't possibly..." Nat broke in.
"Of course you can, a burden shared is a burden halved" I smiled at Brenda.
"Might as well get used to it Brenda, as you may have noticed, Natalie's persistent when she wants to be"
Brenda sat there, looking into her coffee, thinking, as Nat and I shared a glance. I could tell that Natalie wasn't going to let Brenda out without finding out what was wrong and trying to help. I smiled to myself; she was always the more outgoing of us, Brenda was finding that out now.
"Are you lonely Brenda? It's ok if you say you are. It's hard to be alone"
Brenda sat there, staring into her untouched coffee, before eventually nodding slowly
"That's ok Brenda, completely understandable, but you don't have to face it alone" Natalie flashed a glance at me and I spoke up.
"Brenda, I understand it's hard to be alone, but that's just where you are right now. You won't be alone forever; you're far too attractive to be alone for long" She snorted gently.
"I seem to attract the wrong people, it never really works out"
"Their loss, you're smart, accomplished, beautiful and successful. It's just about finding the right person" Nat jumped back into the fray.
"You'll find them, their probably not that far away, you just have to be looking" Brenda looked at us both.
"All the interesting people I meet are usually suspects; I wouldn't recommend that" I nodded.
"That might be an issue, the whole long distance relationship thing, you here, them in prison" She smiled at that, it was a pale, weak thing but it was a start. Natalie saw it and decided to go with it.
"If I knew someone good enough for you to recommend I'd do so, but all the people we know are in Seattle and, well, most of them are girls" She shrugged. "Sorry"
"I'm fine, really I am, thank you for hearing me out" Natalie was having none of that.
"Brenda, I'd hate for you to have to arrest us for kidnapping, but if you think Ana and I are going to just let you walk out of here the way you're feeling right now, you're sadly mistaken" I spoke up to support Nat.
"Brenda, what my annoyingly persistent girlfriend here is saying is that we're basically going to harass you until you understand that it's ok to feel like crap, that we know why you feel like that, that you can tell us anything and it won't go beyond these walls and that you can come to us anytime, that's what friends are for"
"I appreciate the offer, I really do, but they're my problems and you don't need to hear them" Natalie laughed at her words.
"Look Brenda, you're entrusting your secrets to a journalist and an FBI agent, what could possibly go wrong?"
Brenda had to laugh at that, which was the whole objective. Subsiding, she shook her head at us both.
"You're both very persistent" I smiled as we got to move from Brenda trying to escape to something a little more positive.
"Course we are, when it's important" Nat smiled at Brenda.
"C'mon Brenda, sit back and relax. We invited you over for lunch with the expectation we'd end up chatting for a few hours afterwards, I don't see any reason to change those plans" I smiled.
"Might as well, sit back, relax and enjoy your coffee Brenda, why fight it?"
Brenda looked down at her untouched coffee for a moment, before sighing. Looking up at us she shook her head gently before slowly settling back into the cushions. Natalie relaxed from the tense pose she'd been holding and smiled.
"Brenda, you're a nice person doing a difficult job. The people in your squad think the world of you, with good reason. I know not everyone in the LAPD appreciates you but they all respect your work"
Brenda slowly sipped the coffee, relaxing a little more at the familiarity. I decided I would get the ball rolling.
"Brenda, I'm pretty sure that we upset you and I'm sorry" She went to deny it but I held up my hand. Her ingrained Southern manners made her stop, allowing me to finish. "If you're alone, seeing two people having what you don't can be hard, we're sorry, it was thoughtless of us" Brenda shook her head.
"You did nothing wrong, you're just happy together is all. I shouldn't have let it get to me like that" Natalie took it up.
"Well, we'll try and be a bit more considerate in the future, I want you to come back here regularly and I don't want you feeling awkward waiting for us to rub it in your face. That's not going to happen, so don't worry about it" Before she could reply I spoke up.
"Brenda, do you socialise much outside work?" For a moment I thought she was going to get defensive, but she sighed instead.
"No, not really, I do coffee with Sharon every Monday night, sometimes other nights too, but apart from that not much. Work pretty much fills up my time" Natalie smiled.
"We can fix that" Brenda looked at her curiously. "Maura and I went out shopping yesterday, we had a wonderful day, you'll have to come with us next time, it'd be fun"
I smiled as Natalie started drawing Brenda in; when Nat set her sights on being someone's friend they didn't really stand a chance.
"We've also been out playing tourist; we went to Griffith Park the other weekend. You've been here for a while so you can recommend some things we should do, should see, decent restaurants, that sort of thing"
"Well, I can do that, depending on what sort of food you like"
"As Ana can attest, I like almost anything" I grinned at that.
"Mostly food that's got too much sugar, fat, cholesterol and all the other bad things" Brenda smiled at that, far closer to her normal smile.
"Oh, I can understand that, I have a terrible sweet tooth, Sharon keeps teasing me about that"
"We bumped into Sharon yesterday actually, out shopping in Jimmy Choo's down on Rodeo Drive"
"Really? I know she likes nice clothes but I didn't realise she liked those shoes, their lovely but very expensive"
"She was looking for something for the LAPD Ball, same as Maura and I" Brenda looked interested.
"Oh, did you find something?" Natalie smiled happily.
"I got some shoes, in fact we all did, but I didn't really find a gown. What I did find was some really unusual jewellery" She stood up and walked over to the sideboard where she had placed her new earrings.
Soon Brenda was admiring them, she'd heard of opal before, having seen some years ago. That led into discussion about what Brenda was wearing to the Ball, all designed to put her at ease. I watched as Natalie and Brenda chatted, seeing Brenda unwind and relax, becoming more the woman we'd seen at lunch.
Before she knew it two hours had passed and Brenda had agreed to doing lunch with Natalie once a week and spending time with us regularly, either having dinner out or shopping or playing tour guide.
As we were wrapping up Natalie pulled Brenda back to the Ball.
"I understand that Major Crimes will have a table at the Ball?" Brenda nodded.
"Yes, the squad's big enough that we can fill a table, even though it's not a partner's night, why?"
"Maura and I were talking to Sharon, who said that FID doesn't really feel all that welcome there. She has to attend as a senior officer, so she'll be at your table"
"Why yes, that's right, after all the help Sharon's been in dealing with some problem's we've had in the past, she's practically a part of the team"
"Would you mind if Ana and I were also at your table?" Brenda look surprised.
"You're both more than welcome, you know that, but surely you have other offers" I shrugged.
"Only Chief Pope's table, I can't speak for Nat"
"I have a number of offers, but after talking to Sharon, I'd like to be at your table with her. The other alternative is Chief Pope's table and I'd really like to pass on that" Brenda nodded.
"I can completely understand that, I can guarantee that you're both welcome, the guys will be happy to have you, if only to add a few beautiful women to what's otherwise pretty much an all-male table" I smiled.
"Not this year, Sharon, you, Jane and Maura, Natalie and I, I think the demographics are a bit different this time round"
"Oh for goodness sake, I completely forgot about Jane and Maura, you're right, this will be interesting. The guys only complaint will be that while the table's full of attractive women, their all either taken or unavailable" Nat smiled.
"Then that's agreed then" Brenda smiled, then paused, a hesitant look on her face. I saw it and leaned forward.
"What's up Brenda?" She looked a little embarrassed.
"I know you and Natalie are together, same as Maura and Jane. But do you mind dancing with other people?" She looked awkward. "I mean normally I get asked to dance with some of the guys and I'm sure they would love to ask you both, but if it makes you uncomfortable I'll let them know not to ask"
Natalie and I shared a quick glance, before she smiled at Brenda.
"What sort of dancing?" Brenda smiled back
"Mostly formal dancing, waltzes and that sort of thing, several of the squad are quite good and they've said they like the opportunity to dance" I shrugged.
"It shouldn't be a drama, not for me" Nat giggled.
"They know if they step out of line my incredibly jealous girlfriend is standing nearby, armed and dangerous. I don't have a problem either" Brenda smiled broadly.
"Thank you, I appreciate it and the guys will too" Natalie smiled back at her.
"It's our pleasure Brenda, what else are friends for" Brenda looked truly happy at her words.
"I appreciate your kindness, I really do" I smiled.
"Brenda, it's not a kindness when it's for a friend; that's what friends do for each other"