Chapter 5 – Starting to Change
The way I had being treated made something inside me change and too this day I cannot tell you what it was.
I started to get an attitude problem in my first year of high school I couldn't help it I had lost respect for everyone and everything as I felt neglected in the way this was allowed to happen to me though of course no one knew.
I walked into my lesson 20 minutes late as I had being smoking outside. I had started smoking to calm my nerves and it helped a lot. My teacher was asking me where I had being and why I was late, I usually would have told the truth and face the consequences but the words came spilling out before I could stop them.
'Shut up you stupid old hag, mind your own business'
That was the first time I got send to the heads but at that moment in time I didn't care.
'Have you being smoking?'
'No'
'Yes you have I can smell it all over you'
I shrugged my shoulders to show I didn't care and I started to play up so I did get detentions after school and have an excuse not to go home without anyone suspecting everything because then at least I was away from my dad.
I also had started to steal as I obviously was not old enough to buy alcohol, drinking and smoking helped numb the pain and I didn't exactly say no to drugs either.
Dad had changed me everyone had noticed it especially my family, I used to love to help and try do good but now anything could make me snap and though I hated it I hurt people but I was hurting so much inside.
'Please can we play footie Baz?'
'I SAID NO KACEY'
She looked at me and ran upstairs crying, our relationship was different as was mine and Dynasty's.
I hated the whole world and I hated dad but the thing I hated most was myself I started acting out to get attention to get noticed and hoped that one day someone would find out my dreadful secret.
I used to not care about looks or anything like that but I started to change my appearance as well as my personality, and dating girls that were twice my age as I just wanted to be loved. I can't even remember the name of the girl I lost my virginity to as I was that out of it at the time and I was only eleven.
I couldn't think straight anymore, everything I thought about seemed wrong and I had no one to empower me to move forward my life was flying past and I had done nothing with it.
And Until I got away from him I could not move forward.