Chon doesn't remember a time when nightmares didn't plague him. Three trips into the most dangerous, war-stricken territories in the world will do that to a man.
There's some guys that go to therapy, others that go crazy and some even who can't handle it and pull the trigger on themselves. He's not really in any of those categories. If he's honest with himself, he doesn't know how he deals with it.
Maybe it's because he's grown a talent for building up the bad parts inside himself. It's not a place he recommends anybody to take a walk in. There's anger that comes up some days and he does his best to channel it into other things. Calm on the outside, raging within. Anything physical is a welcome distraction. Hard swims, hard running, hard sex, he takes it all and still, the past doesn't go away.
Some days, he feels the irrational need to pick up a weapon and go on a hunt. He doesn't, of course, instead takes apart his guns and reassembles them with practiced fingers. He's not a thinker though, when he gets pensive, the ugly things come back and he needs the action to keep them away. Other days, there's this absolute calm inside him, when he has clarity about what life is truly about and where they're all headed.
It's Ben that keeps him more grounded than any psychiatrist could. They could practically be polar opposites but somehow, in the years they've known each other, the bond they've developed goes beyond their differences. There's understanding. Sure, Ben can't ever understand what the army days were like. He's smart enough not to pretend to know what it is like either. But he doesn't need to in order to be his best friend.
Chon is a soldier of misfortune but together with Ben, he's built himself an existence of complete fortune. Maybe it was luck that brought them together but in the end, it's the drugs that make them last. Where his partner is the genius behind the business, he is the guy that keeps it running and they make it work.
It's better than good. They're in the middle of living the American dream.
It's a crass difference to his previous life in the midst of sweat and bombs. Where blood and empty faces haunt him in his sleep, the day is filled with sea, sunshine and cash. Above all, the weed. He tells O what he's learnt as a SEAL, that drugs are a rational response to insanity. She laughs and says it must be true. It's not such a strange option, considering that he is damaged enough to fall into insanity.
She is something he didn't expect to happen. At least not to him. She's the kind of girl that deserves Ben, not someone like him. Yet, she has eyes for them both and although he fits the possessive type like a glove, he finds he doesn't mind the three-way arrangement they land in. If there's anybody he would share with, it is his partner in crime. She's his as much as she's Ben's, all the while joining their lifestyle by her own choice.
Beautiful, loyal O has an empathy that floors him. He feels it in her every gesture, in each touch on his face, in her gasps when they have sex. It makes him forget the screams in his head. The young woman is easily one of the best things in his life. Simply the fact that she puts up with his lack of emotional input draws him to her. Ben's the guy that sweet-talks and gets vulnerable; he's long since stopped showing feelings. Still, she doesn't turn away.
Between the three of them, they've established roles. If they were senses, he'd be the eyes and ears. He's constantly paying attention to surroundings, to the people they deal with and most importantly, watching the web of enemies very closely. Ben would be the taste and smell, picking up on the subtleties in their goods, savouring what life throws his way. O is what connects everything; she's the physical and emotional magnet that pulls them toward another. She is the touch they need to become whole. It would be a crime to break their perfect circle.
His own touch is a double-edged sword to him. He can bring pleasure but he is an expert on pain. Chon has killed and he's not as afraid of death as he used to be. He's numb. But being unafraid for himself doesn't mean he's not afraid of death taking those important to him.
Human life in the field is worth little; there will always be more men to send. You're just a face in a uniform. But there are those, whose faces would be etched into his mind for the rest of his days, if they died under his watch.
Many days, he catches himself checking that Ben and O are close. It's a force of habit from the field but he needs that reassurance. Look out for your loved ones. They slip away too easily if you avert your gaze. With Ben nearby, focus on work and be honest. With O beside him, he is in control as much as he can let go. Screw the war, he thinks, screw the past. It's different now and he would go to all ends to keep it the way it is, right here, right now.