Chapter 6: Lie

As it turned out, Peach did suffer some lingering effects from Mouser's gun: she could use her innate skills, like hammerspace and floating, but power-ups and, worryingly, recovery items had no effect on her energy. Most of her physical strength returned within a day, but she didn't think she could put up much of resistance if someone attacked her, and Mario and Luigi became a fixed presence in the castle, much to Bowser's chagrin. He wanted Peach to be safe, yes, but it was hard to woo her with the plumbers hanging around with her all hours of the day.

Fortunately for Bowser, Peach felt the same way, and made an effort to spend at least some time alone with him every day. Mostly it was when she came to call him to dinner during his sword practicing. He had moved his sessions inside, lest the next attack happened while he was off in the garden and of no use to anyone, so Mario and Luigi had no problem letting Peach go over to get him while they sat in the dining hall waiting for dinner, their stomachs grumbling. Luigi had noticed that there was something going on between the princess and the ambassador, but Mario was oblivious, and the man in green had no intention of changing that. It's not like his brother and the princess were dating – if she wanted to have long, lingering staring contests with their fiery-eyed Waffle Kingdom friend, more power to her. All it really did was make Luigi wish Daisy was there too, especially as the days went by and there was no further sign of trouble.

Peach wanted to believe that they had seen the end of it, but she knew better. Mouser had been field-testing a prototype, and even if it didn't work out, surely Wart hadn't given up yet. The thought of magic turned into a gun made her shudder – what would it be capable of once the bugs were fixed? Would it sap all her strength? Would it suck her life away? Every night, her sleep was full of fitful dreams, and she knew better than to let down her guard during the day. Except for that one hour she spent with Bowser.

He knew trouble was brewing too. Kammy and Kamek had repeatedly asked him to give up on his Peach-courting plan and get out of the Mushroom Kingdom before the next run-in with the 8 Bits left him with more than a few burns. But he refused. There was no way he was going to turn his back on Peach – he had gotten so far with her, he could almost taste it. Knowing they couldn't reason with him as long as he was stuck as a human, the ex-Magikoopas poured themselves into finding a way to reverse the curse, hoping that an antidote that could also help Peach and be used against Wart's attack would ring his fancy. Even though the effects of the curse were completely different in Bowser and Peach, the fact that a second dose didn't do anything to Bowser proved it was the same magic, and it even helped them narrow their search. There were only a couple branches of magic that only worked once, and they were sure they could find what they were looking for in another week or so.

Like the presence of the Mario Bros., Bowser also had mixed feelings about his advisors' progress: stopping Wart and helping Peach was important, but he didn't want his little vacation with Peach to come to an end. He preferred not to think about it – he preferred to not think about anything, really, but that was surprisingly hard with Peach around. She was clearly falling for him – he could see it in her eyes, and even in her body language, swathed in too much clothing though it was. She had stopped jumping whenever they accidentally brushed against each other – something which was happening with a greater frequency as the days went by. She had even started holding his gaze, although it still brought a pink flush to her cheeks and she was always the one to break it off. Still, it was better than nothing: Bowser had always liked her best when her backbone was showing, and he continued to push her with doublespeak and playful ribbing, forcing her to stand her ground and tease back.

Little did he know, however, that not only was Peach getting stronger, but he was losing his edge. He still walked with a self-assured swagger, he still smirked, he still rolled his eyes and acted like he was a gift from the Stars themselves, but he wasn't nearly as much of an evasive riddle as he was at the start. His bouts of playing coy were fewer and far between: he wasn't hot and cold, just hot or lukewarm at worst, and he wasn't bothering to hide it anymore.

Except from himself.

"So what's for dinner tonight?" he asked, breaking the silence as the pair walked through the corridors.

"Oh the usual – steak for you, Mushroom steak for me," said Peach casually.

"You oughta eat more red meat," critiqued Bowser.

"It's healthier to only have it in moderation. Better for the environment, too."

Bowser rolled his eyes, but when he turned to go to the stairwell, Peach reached out and gripped his arm.

"We're not going to the dining hall today."

"We're not?" asked Bowser, arching a thick red eyebrow at the princess.

Peach shook her head. "Mario and Luigi had to go to town to take care of some emergency plumbing business, so I figured now would be a good chance to have dinner together… Just the two of us…"

Bowser smiled smugly. "You mean like a date?"

Peach blushed. "No! Just… dinner. Unless you'd rather eat with Toadsworth and-"

"Hey now, let's not overreact," joked Bowser.

Peach grinned, proud of her quick recovery. Bowser certainly had taught her to be on her toes when chit-chatting, and their many verbal pas de deux were far more evenly matched now than they had been when he first arrived. She led Bowser to her private dining room: it was a small space, with grand wood paneling, a lush carpet, a roaring fire and a beautiful oak table just big enough for the two to sit opposite of one another. The evening was fairly uneventful. Without Mario there to make him look good no matter what, Bowser made sure to pace himself as he ate, and without Luigi pensively watching them, the two royals were free to continue their flirty bantering.

But as they neared the end of the meal, Peach broke a moment of silence with a more serious question: "So, I heard Fang and Bat went down to the ship today?"

Bowser suppressed a smirk about the unfortunate names he had given his two advisors before they had a chance to make their own introductions. They never ceased to amuse, but now wasn't the time to guffaw. "Yeah, just checking in on things."

"Do… Do they know how long the disease is going to linger?"

Kammy and Kamek periodically visited the ship to re-hypnotize everyone, under the guise of 'checking' on the status of the 'proper' ambassador and the crew. They had to wear fake hazmat suits, and even then, insist it was too dangerous for non-Waffle Kingdom denizens to venture aboard, lest something terrible happens and they wind up much sicker than the natives when exposed to the exotic disease. Usually Bowser just said they didn't know when the plague would run its course, but that day was the two-week anniversary of when he had woken up as a human, and it was making him feel weird. Like there was something wedged in his throat. Or maybe a chunk of Moo Moo meat had gone down the wrong way. Whatever the reason, Bowser found himself unable to tell Peach anything but the truth. "They're saying it'll take about another week."

"Only a week?" said Peach, before clasping a hand over her mouth in horror. "I'm sorry! That came out all wrong! I mean-"

But Bowser was laughing. "Bwa ha ha! No worries, I know what you meant. I feel the same."

"But you know, even if you're not going to be acting as the ambassador anymore, you can still stay in the castle. You can even keep your room." Peach smiled hopefully, but Bowser sighed.

"Believe me, I would love to stay-"

"Then stay."

"I doubt the ambassador will want to stay after what she's been through," said Bowser, although the double-meaning of his words didn't bring a smile to his lips as he poked at the scraps of his food with his fork, keeping his eyes downcast from Peach's.

"So? If she leaves, do you have to leave too? Wouldn't it be better for diplomatic relations if you stayed?"

Bowser looked up, smiling at Peach's words. She had no idea how much it meant to him to hear her beseeching him to stay, after so many years of nothing but screaming at him to leave. But he shook his head. "No, no, I can't. These past couple weeks have been amazing. I haven't been this happy for this long in… years…"

"Then stay."

"I can't," repeated Bowser.

"Why?"

"Lots of reasons," said Bowser. Peach waited expectantly, and while that's all he would have given her thirteen days previously when he first walked into her life as a human, catching her eye, he couldn't help but sigh and give in. "Well, I miss my home," he said, setting down his fork, his head bowed. "The Mushroom Kingdom is great, but it's not home, y'know? And I miss my people, and…" He looked up at her from under his bushy eyebrows. "You wouldn't know it looking at me, I'm sure, but I've got kids back home."

"Kids?" Peach was shocked – she thought she had been getting to know the ambassador pretty well, but not once had he mentioned his family.

Bowser nodded, straightening up and grinning as a handy bit of slang he learned from the aforementioned precocious children came to mind. "Yep. A bunch of them. I had them young, that's why I'm a FILF."

"A what?"

"It's like a MILF, but for a father."

"'Milf'?"

"Mother I'd like to…" Bowser left the sentence hanging, and it was a moment before Peach figured it out. She scowled at Bowser, who laughed and leaned back in his chair, flourishing his hands over his body, lowering his eyelids seductively. "Come on, you know it's true."

"You're such a perv!" giggled Peach. Bowser noted with amusement that she didn't actually deny his assertion. Taking a deep breath, Peach calmed herself down, taking a sip of water before continuing. "So, Mr. By-the-way-I-have-kids-surprise-guy… Dare I ask about their mother, hmm? Any more surprises?"

But Peach's smirk slid away at the look on Bowser's own face as he leaned forward, propping his folded arms on the table and staring forlornly into the fire. "She's gone," he said after a moment of reflection; something told Peach it wasn't because of a divorce.

"I'm sorry," said the princess, regretting her earlier cheek. "I didn't know."

"How could you?" shrugged Bowser. "It's not exactly something I advertise." He faced Peach as he continued. "I came home one night and she was gone. She told everyone she'd be back, but… I looked everywhere for her: police, army, every resource at my disposal was put towards that search, but she just… vanished." Staring at the wooden tabletop between him and Peach, Bowser ran a hand through his hair as he thought back to the most difficult time in his life, half wondering why he was even spilling his guts to the girl, although the other half of him knew why. "She didn't just get sick of me and leave or anything – she told me if that ever happened, the kids would be with her, and I'd be the one going. She told the kids she'd be back, and if she could have come back, she would have, I know it."

"Oh Whip…" said Peach, her heart aching for her friend. She reached forward and placed her hand over his, glad that she had decided it was too warm a day for gloves. "I'm so sorry."

Bowser smiled sadly and placed his other hand on hers. "But now you see why I've gotta go home. The kids're used to me going away for… business. They've got people watching them, so they're okay, but I do need to go back eventually."

"Of course! Of course, Whip, I understand completely," said Peach earnestly. He nodded in appreciation, absentmindedly stroking his thumb over the back of her hand. His skin was rough, almost calloused, but Peach liked that about him: maybe he worked hard when he was at home with his kids, and this was like a vacation for him. In Peach's head, it let her justify why he seemed sorta lazy at times as he made his aids do all the grunt work for him: maybe he earned that right, she now told herself, rationalizing her own resolute feelings for the unlikely ambassador.

With nothing else to talk about after such a revealing conversation, the two eventually got up and walked over to Peach's room in silence. But it wasn't an awkward silence – it was thoughtful. Bowser's mind was on his family and on Peach, and what the hell could have possibly possessed him to tell her so much, while Peach herself was thinking about him and the future. Their future. She didn't want him to go, but now she knew he had to.

"Well, here you are," noted Bowser as they reached Peach's bedroom door.

She nodded and opened it, but paused and looked back at Bowser. "You could bring them here, you know. If you'd like to, I mean, and if they'd like to. You could live in Toad Town, or even the castle: I'm sure the staff wouldn't mind having some kids livening up the place a little."

"I dunno, they're pretty lively," said Bowser wryly.

"Then it'd be even more fun to have them – at least for a visit?"

Bowser smiled at the hopefulness creeping back into Peach's voice. "If you'd take us, yeah, definitely a visit."

Peach beamed at him. "It's a date."

Bowser returned the toothy grin, almost bemused by how perfectly his plan was working. He really did have her wrapped around his finger – he could probably even steal a kiss without protest. Thinking back to the FILF conversation, the dirtier part of his mind flashed the possibility of doing more than kissing, but the rational part of him recoiled at the thought. He didn't want to take advantage of Peach. Just lie to her and trick her into falling in love with him. Totally different things, right? One was love, one was just nasty. Right? Then why was he hesitating? A goodnight kiss wasn't taking advantage, it was moving along the courtship at a perfectly reasonable pace, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Peach smiled as she watched the gears turning. Bowser already had years to learn to read Peach, but in the past couple weeks, her own skills of observation increased in leaps and bounds. Now, as she watched him staring at her, at a loss to say or do anything, she finally realized what was in his eyes that made her world swim. The realization practically made her glow; Bowser saw the change wash over her as she stared at him, her smile deepening. Perhaps he had somehow moved the relationship along even without stealing a kiss?

Either way, he was really freaked out now. He was not in control of the situation at all and he didn't like it. He had no idea what was coming over him, or what he had been talking about, or what he was even doing then and there as he stood in the doorway with Peach, their eyes locked together. Finally, he was the one to break the connection, looking away and forcing on the old mask of cool composure. "A date, hm? Just like today?"

Peach smiled wickedly. Bowser wasn't fooling her. "Yes, just like today."

Bowser liked it when she teased him, and his smile was genuine as he went along with it. "Told ya so. Anyway, I suppose I should bugger off and let you get to your beauty sleep?"

"More like so you could get to your beauty sleep."

"Psh, as if I need it," said Bowser, vainly tossing his head and making his hair flip about as if he was Prince Peasley.

Peach chuckled. "Oh, and I do?"

Dang, Peach is on fire tonight with the comebacks. Bowser grinned and shook his head, admitting defeat. "No, I suppose not, but I'll let you get to it anyway."

Peach nodded in gratitude. "Thank you. Have a good night."

"You too," said Bowser, backing away as Peach closed her door. As soon as the click reached his ears, he spun on his heel and stride off back to his room, his mind buzzing. Never did he think that he'd be the one throwing a wrench into the plan: Peach had come around beautifully, but now he was the one holding back. Well, sorta. Spilling his guts about his troubled family life was anything but holding back, but emotional self-evisceration was not part of his master plan. He was supposed to be cool and mysterious and lure her in with his clever half-truths and devilish good looks – it had worked so far, so what was with the mushy stuff all of a sudden?

As soon as he got to his room he crashed on the bed, shooing away Kammy and Kamek when they came by for the usual nightly meeting, and eventually drifting off into a troubled sleep. He didn't feel well-rested at all the next day, and his stomach was in knots, so he declined to attend breakfast. Usually he'd never miss a chance to see Peach, but right now she was the last person he wanted to see – not until he was sure his traitorous lips were going to stick to the script.

But like so many things, that was easier said than done, and he ended up holed up in his room the entire morning. He let Kamek and Kammy finally give them their latest status report on the boatload of hypnotized Wafflers and the ongoing lack of a cure for Wart's curse, although he was only half-listening as he lay naked in bed, staring at the ceiling. Once they were gone he ate the plate of lunch they had brought him from the kitchens and had some nude sword practice, hoping that taking his mind off things might help some sort of answer bubble to the surface. But all it did was make him think of Peach, and how she'd always come out to watch him. Poor, beautiful, kind, cute, trusting, naïve, sweet, foolish, beloved Princess Peach. He sighed and dropped his arm to his side. There would only be one way to set his mind at rest, and it wasn't swordplay. It was the truth.

Usually Bowser made Kammy and Kamek draw his daily bath, shampoo and detangle his mane, magic away all the hair he deemed to be growing in unsexy locations, and touch up his bluish-grey nail polish to make sure no pink showed through. But all he had had them do at lunch was poof away his itchy stubble, and now that he was up and about, he had no idea where they had scarpered off to. So, not wanting to wait for them to happen by again, he was forced to wash up by himself for a change. He then threw on his usual leather sleeveless vest, black pants, boots and sword belt, spent another half hour getting his hair just the way he liked it, and with a deep breath, finally set out to find Peach.

However, to Bowser's chagrin, Peach had gone out after lunch for some frivolous library opening in Toad Town or something, and he ended up aimlessly wandering around the castle for the rest of the afternoon while he waited for her to get back. It wasn't until nearly sundown when Peach finally returned to the castle, and that was only because she lied to Toadsworth and told him she had a stomach ache, otherwise she would have been stuck having dinner with the townspeople too. Usually she was quite happy attending the many little festivals held around the kingdom, but not today, and as soon as she arrived home, she hurried off to find the one person who had been on her mind all day.

"I figured it out," she said as she finally caught sight of him looking out the window in one of the observation towers.

Bowser looked around in surprise. "Peach! You're back already? I was told-"

"Yeah, I kinda skipped out on dinner," smirked Peach, walking up to him.

"That doesn't sound like you," said Bowser, pleasantly surprised yet eyeing Peach warily, the sinking sun catching in his irises and making them seem to glow redder than usual. "What'd you tell 'em? The guards down in the courtyard are running about something mad."

Peach shrugged as she absentmindedly looked down at the scrambling Toads. "I told them I had a stomach ache… Remind you of anyone?"

Bowser snorted at the accusatory look the princess was now shooting him. "Hey now, if you'll recall, I didn't make excuses for why I didn't show up to my meals today."

"True, you just didn't come."

"Yeah, well, I'm here now."

"But we're not at a meal."

"Whatever," said Bowser, rolling his eyes. But he sighed and turned away from the window, running a hand through his hair as he prepared himself for the difficult conversation ahead. "But anyway, I need to talk to you about something-"

"Ladies first," said Peach, cutting him off before he could go further.

"But-"

"No 'buts', now be quiet and listen!" ordered Peach, having learned that the ambassador responded best to a firm hand – at least, when it came from her. He never listened to anyone else. "As I said when I came in, I figured it out."

"Why I was missing from breakfast?"

"No-"

"Lunch?"

"Stop interrupting me!" Peach and Bowser both smiled at their little antics, and the princess continued. "No, I figured out why you're so… so different."

"You have?" Bowser wasn't sure where this was going.

"Yes. And that look of yours…" Peach trailed off as she slowly started walking towards Bowser, the very look he usually turned on her now flashing in her own eyes. Bowser was really unsure of himself now – at least the night before, he had simply not been in control of himself, but now Peach was taking the assertive role. This was not what he had been expecting as the Mushroom Princess advanced on him, and it was all he could do to maintain eye contact and stand his ground.

Peach was getting far too close now, looking up at Bowser with his own confident gleam in her eye, but before he could say or do anything about it, she sprang. Bowser stiffened as Peach wrapped her arms around him, her head next to his, his face full of her warm, sweet-smelling hair. "No one ever looks at me the way you do," she said as she hugged him, feeling him tentatively reach up and grip her upper arms, as if scared to fully return her gesture. She kinda liked how flustered she could make him – it served him right after all the hurdles he had put her through the past couple weeks, but she didn't hold that against him as she continued. "No one has that fire in their eyes… And I know it's because… no one loves me the way you do."

"I-"

"Shhhh," Peach leaned back so that she could see Bowser's face, raising a finger to his lips, her other hand still on his side, cradled in his paralyzed arm. "I know you'd never say it aloud – you're much to cool for that, aren't you?" Peach flashed her teeth at her little dig, but her eyes twinkled as she continued. "That's why I said it for you – you're in love with me, I know it."

Bowser blinked at her as she lowered her hand and rested it against his chest, opening his mouth as if to protest but without a single coherent thought to form it with. No, this was not what he had planned, and yet he couldn't bring himself to push back from her, to tell her to slow down because he had something to say. Her actions had turned his mind to soup, and she wasn't done yet.

"And more than that… Because… You see… I… I love you too." Peach's skin flushed as she admitted her feelings, but she didn't look away from Bowser, searching his face for his reaction.

Now it was Bowser's turn to have the world spin. For years, he had dreamed of hearing her speak those four words. For years, he had dreamed of holding her like he had her now. And suddenly, it was all happening, and Peach was moving in closer, parting her lips and closing her eyes. Bowser could feel her breath against his mouth and it set his own lips and the sides of his tongue and every finger on fire with pins and needles. All thoughts of coming clean were swamped by temptation, and forgetting all about the moral dilemmas that had been uncharacteristically plaguing him since he resisted the urge to kiss the girl the night before, Bowser gave in, bowing his head to close the gap. An inch, a centimeter, a hair's breadth apart-

"PEACH!" with a resounding crash the door to the room was flung open. Peach and Bowser looked round in shock as Mario leapt forward, and before the addled ex-Koopa could react, the plumber's fist made contact with his chin and sent him flying out of Peach's arms and into the wall.

"Mario! What are you doing!" screamed Peach as Luigi seized her around the shoulders to keep her from trying to stop Mario from diving after Bowser.

"He's an imposter!" spat Mario as he seized the leather over Bowser's chest and hauled him to his feet, pinning him against the wall with one hand and charging up his firebrand in the other, as if daring his opponent to make a move.

"What?" gasped Peach.

"It's true," explained Luigi. "We went to-a see if there was any way we could-a help with his ship, but-a there was no plague onboard – the crew were-a hypnotized."

Peach shook her head. "No, that can't be!" She looked to Bowser pleadingly, and he tore his eyes from the mortal danger of Mario's flaming fist to return her gaze, the rage and horror etched in his face giving way to something far more devastating: guilt. "No," repeated Peach, her own eyes filling with tears. "No, it can't be true!"

"Peach, let me explain-" began Bowser.

"Oh yeah? Start-a by explaining why there-a were Shy Guys guarding your hypnotized prisoners," growled Mario, far angrier than Bowser had ever recalled seeing him before.

"Shy Guys?" Peach couldn't believe her ears. "You mean like… Wart…"

"No!" protested Bowser, pushing against Mario's arm only to be slammed back against the stone wall by the surprisingly strong plumber. "Peach, I would never work with that-"

"Then who are you?!" cried Peach, suddenly cutting loose with her emotions as she pushed away from Luigi and took a few halting steps towards Bowser, tears streaming down her face. "Who are you and why are you here? Why did you lie to us? To me? I trusted you and you lied to me! You used me!"

"No!" Bowser shook his head in horror. "No, it's not like that, I swear!"

"How could you do this?!" sobbed Peach. "How could you pretend to be our friend? How could you-" Peach broke off with a sob, squeezing her eyes shut and raising a hand to her mouth – had Mario come even a second later… "How could you do this?" she repeated, her voice tiny. "I trusted you- …I lov- …How could you?"

"Peach, please let me explain!" begged Bowser, but when Peach looked up, there was nothing in her eyes but unbridled fury.

"No!" she cried, suddenly changing her mind. "I don't want to hear it! I don't want to hear your voice or see you ever again! Take him to the dungeon, he can explain to the guards!"

"Peach, wait! Don't do this!" But Bowser was cut off as Luigi joined his brother in restraining the ex-Koopa, each brother seizing one of his arms while Mario shut off his firebrand and planted his hand over Bowser's mouth. Peach turned away as the plumbers dragged the struggling imposter to the door. Bowser's eyes were wide with panic as he desperately tried to break free, but as a human, he was even less of a match for the Mario Bros. than when he was at full power, and only managed to get off one last cry by chomping down through Mario's glove, catching the plumber by surprise and pulling his face free.

Around the corner, Peach sank to the floor of the observation room, struggling to keep her renewed sobbing silent even as Bowser's anguished voice echoed around her.

"Peeeaaaach!"