Be my wife.
I do not own CTM, the BBC does. This will be a multi length fanfic. Any mistakes are my own. Enjoy.
"We don't like cake." I said, grabbing my bah and storming out of the little café. I was angry. How dare he? How dare Patsy. How could she be so blind? It was not fair. Why did things have to be like this?
I heard Patsy's shoes tapping along the pavement quickly. I knew she was trying to catch me up. But I could not look at her. If I did, I knew I was going to burst into tears. I could feel them welling up. I must not cry in front of Patsy. It was a shock seeing her cry in front of me. The night she lost a baby and she needed me. I do not like to see Patsy so upset, it breaks my heart. I know it is the same for her. She hates to see me hurting. It is why I cannot let her see.
I felt her grab my arm. I had to stop and turn round to face her. The love of my life.
"You don't really want all of that, do you?" her eyes looked so painful, there was years brimming on the rims. Why was it so hard? Why can't you be with the one you love in every sense of the world? Get married, get a house, and have children.
"Yes. More than anything." I felt my voice wobble as I spoke and Patsy looked down, her face said it all.
"To you, you fall." I said, this made her look up, half smile as the tears ran down her checks and made her look more vulnerable than ever. "But I can't. So that's that."
I pulled away from her and started walking again. I felt the tears run down my face; I did not have the heart to brush them away. I heard Patsy rush after me again. She came to a stop in front of me.
"Delia. Please we have to talk."
"Where Patsy? There is nowhere safe to talk. You know that." I said, through my tears. I could feel my heart breaking with every second.
"Nonnatus. The chapel is rarely occupied at this time. Most of the nuns are in bed. They do not get up till about six so we have time." I looked down. I really ought to be getting back to my own lodgings. Patsy took one of my hands and held it tightly. "Please Deels." She said, her eyes screaming out for me. I felt the same. We both wanted so much more.
I nodded. There was so little chance to talk properly. Most of the time we were both at work. My hours were flexible, but we never knew when Patsy might be working. Her timetable s=could change in a blink of an eye. It was common for our plans to be cancelled at the last minute and it was very rare we have to do it again. Plans changed and we just had to cope with it.
"What do I say to my roommates, I do not want the matron finding out? I might lose my position Patsy. Then where will we be? It will be harder to get another job in the London, or anywhere else for that matter." I know it was selfish, to only think about my job, and it but myself was important. Patsy was just as important, but it might be far too risky.
"I know Delia." She said and I felt relief wash thorough me. I knew that I should not be worried. We understand each other very well/ we know when something is bothering up, any worries or problems, or even when one of us is done and we do not want to tell the other as it might depress things. We knew each other very well. But It was not enough. I do not think it ever will be enough.
She squeezed my hand and I felt tears well up behind my eyes, I was too late to stop them from running down my face. Patsy brushed them away with her thumb and tilted my head up so our eyes could meet. "You know it breaks my heart to see you cry. So stop Deels." I smiled; she always knew how to make it better. "How about you come to Nonnatus tomorrow? We both have the evening off. Sister Julienne knows that I deserve an evening off. You could come for dinner then we can talk in the chapel? There will be plenty of time to walk you back to your lodgings."
I nodded. I knew that if I spoke I would burst into tears. I stepped forward and hugged her tightly. I felt her arms slip around me and hold me tight. I looked up and kissed her. I did not turn my head to look around to see if there was anyone about. I did not care anymore. I wanted to show Patsy how much I loved her. We both deserved some happiness.
We both pulled back. I straightened her collar of her dress and placed myself back on the ground. I always stand up on my toes to kiss Patsy. Neither of us could help our height.
"Let me walk you home."
"Wont the Sisters get mad that you are late?"
Patsy smiled. I will just say we were carried away. I was able to have a nap before meeting you so I will cope until tomorrow evening. Having four hours, sleep sometimes feels like ten. We are lucky for what we get."
I smiled; I knew how hard she worked. I squeezed her hand and let go. We starred the walk home and got there in less than ten minutes. Most of the lights were off and I unlocked the door. I turned back to Patsy and hugged her again. "I love you." I whispered in her ear and kissed her neck gently.
Patsy kissed the top of my head. "I love you too." She said and pulled away from me as we both heard footsteps. "I will see you tomorrow. I will ring in the morning after I have asked Sister Julienne if it is alright for you to come round."
"It's a date." I said, smiling then gently closed the door behind me. I heard Patsy walk away and wished that things could be different. The goodbyes would not happen at night and I would not be sleeping alone every night. Why can't things change?
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