Chapter 5- Understanding

A/n: Thank you to mvignal, Sherlocked in my Heart, and CeciLovesReading for reviewing my last chapter I'm really glad you like it so far!

To everyone else, I hope you are enjoying it, and I would love to hear what you think!

Here is the next chapter, I hope you enjoy Xxx

JW

The look on Sherlock's face as he saw me sitting there waiting for him told me all I needed to know.

He was keeping something from me.

After a while of living with him, I had learnt to read most of his faces. Today, it was guilty.

For one infuriating moment, as he just stood there, seemingly frozen to the ground by the doorway, I thought that he was just going to shrug it off as he had the last few times I had detected something was wrong, and proceed to ignore me for the rest of the day.

I could put up with anything. Experiments, pacing, bloody violins, his rudeness and some arrogance, though that had died down after his… his fall.

But one thing I just couldn't deal with was silence and getting ignored by my best friend, whom I was still adjusting to the idea of having him back and back for good.

It didn't help with my trust issues.

But then he sighed, running a hand through his hair and closing his eyes, brows furrowed.

"Okay," he said quietly, "okay,"

And he came over, and sat opposite me, in his armchair.

I was stunned. Wherever he had been, and I was hoping he was about to enlighten me on that, it had obviously made him think a little bit about what I was feeling.

There was a long silence; he seemed to struggle a little with how to phrase it. Christ was it really that bad?

"I went to see Mycroft," he said finally, "to talk to him about Moran,"

My eyebrows shot up, in danger of disappearing above my hairline. Had I just heard that correctly? Had he really gone to see Mycroft of all people?

"Ok?" I hadn't really meant it as a question, but I was so surprised, I couldn't help it, "why?"

His head was in his hands again, clearly distressed. It was obvious that whatever was worrying him, he really didn't want to share it with me. I felt fleetingly ashamed, before reprimanding myself. If he trusted me, he had to tell me.

"Moran was-," he paused, and cleared his throat, "Moran was really hard to track down. It took me 2 months to try and do it, and a further 2 weeks to catch him. He's… he's exceptional," he was looking down, speaking to his clasped hands, "he's very, very good with a rifle, and can shoot very straight, you saw how that bullet went straight through the centre of that man's heart. He was Moriarty's right hand man,"

I stared at him, a feeling of dread settling like a huge dark cloud over my head. Where was this going?

Before I could speak, however, he continued.

"While I was hunting him, it became obvious to me that he was as lethal as Moriarty, and feared just as much. Whereas Moriarty was the brain, Moran was the muscle, the one who did the killings and planted the bombs, and stole the hostages and strapped them to semtex. The one who held the rifle ready to blow up the hostages if they didn't talk, and…"

He finally raised his head, and he looked straight at me, I was startled to see how much emotion was burning in his eyes, "the one who was going to kill you if I didn't jump,"

Oh Christ! I couldn't stop the shudder that accompanied his words, or the fear that caused my heart to start jumping. To think that this man, the one sending the letters, the one with the brilliant aim, had come so close to ending my life once before and I hadn't known.

Sherlock was still talking. Now he had started, it appeared that he couldn't seem to stop the words from flowing; he was getting them all out.

"I didn't want to tell you John. I didn't want to frighten you. You have no idea how much I was affected when I found out. I knew that if I hadn't of jumped, you would be dead for sure. He wouldn't have missed, that's how good he is. Every one of his victims were hit so precisely so as they had no chance of survival. That's what would have happened to you John," he locked eyes with me, and held it there. I found I couldn't speak. Something was lodged in my throat.

"That was why I was so worried when I found out he was out of prison. I knew how close he had come. I knew that if he wanted to kill you or I, he wouldn't miss,"

He looked down again, falling silent. I couldn't do anything more than just sit there and wait for him to continue.

"We realised that, for some reason, he wants to finish what Moriarty started- destroy me- you were right about that bit," he paused again, closing his eyes tightly, as if he didn't want to see my face as he continued, "but he doesn't want to discredit me, because Moriarty already did that. He's targeting my heart now-,"

I closed my eyes, and refused to let the fear overtake me.

"He wants to kill me doesn't he?" I whispered, afraid of the answer.

Suddenly his hands were on my arms, gripping me tightly.

"I won't let him John! I promise! I won't let him come near you!" he spoke urgently, but I found I was too numb to speak.

"I promise John, I promise! He won't come near you!"

"Sherlock," I said quietly, frankly relieved that my voice had come back, "Sherlock let me go,"

He obliged, I felt his hands disappear. I opened my eyes, took a deep breath.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I whispered.

"I didn't want to frighten you John, I'm sorry, I really am,"

"You mean you don't trust me do you?" I clarified quietly for him.

Silence. I passed a hand over my face, put up my guard.

"Sherlock what will it take for you to trust me? What will it take? You just keep leaving me in the dark! Always! You expect me to be fine with that?"

"I-,"

"No, no, no more," I leant forward, and forced him to look at me.

"You have to promise me that from now on, you will tell me everything, and I mean everything, you got that? I'm not getting left behind again. I'm not letting you leave again, ok? If you trust me, Sherlock, you have to promise me," I didn't mean to sound so forceful, but I couldn't help it. I just felt numb, and hurt too. To think that even after all we'd been through, he still didn't trust me.

This silence lasted so much longer than the others, the tension was like ice in the air, seeping into everyone and everything. I didn't know how much more I could take of it.

"I promise," came Sherlock's voice, "I promise that I'll tell you everything from now on,"

And for the first time in weeks, I actually smiled.

A/n: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I will try to update really soon! A review or two would be lovely! Xxx