WARNINGS: This is total slash, so if you have a problem with it turn back now. AND if you are UNDER 18, naughty, naughty.

Beta: None. WILL have spelling and grammar mistakes. (Please don't complain as I've just warned you.)

Sex: Yes - Male/Male (though not in this chapter.)

Swearing: Absolutely. (This is sons of anarchy) Along with some derisive terms that aren't meant to offend.

I'm still having a bit of trouble with Word at the moment, so if there are more Spelling and Grammar mistakes than usual, forgive me.

A/N: Sorry it's been a while between posts, but hey it's a busy time of year. But here is a New Year's gift for you. Hope you enjoy. I'll try not to leave it so long between posts again.

They returned home early, a tension still hanging between them. They hadn't really said anything to each other since Kozik sided with Jax and Clay on the cartel deal. Strolling into the house, Kozik headed straight to the bedroom, while Tig marched with purpose into the kitchen. The blond dropped his bag in the corner with a sigh, before turning and walking into the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror, looking at his reflection, the dark circles under his eyes. The day hadn't turned out the way he'd wanted, in fact the week hadn't. For months he'd been looking forward to Tig's homecoming, as well as that of the other club members, he'd been looking forward to them returning to normal. This wasn't anything close to normal. Not just the sudden change in Jax and the club but his relationship with Tig. He wasn't complaining really, but at the same time he was tired of all the tension, the stress, everything. All he wanted was for Samcro to be the same club he'd left nine years ago. And Tig to be the same man. But he'd change a lot since then. Kozik had his suspicions it had something to do with Opie's old lady, and Tig's role in her death.

Kozik turned on the shower and stripped quickly. Climbing under the water he hissed at the heat, but he didn't bother altering it, instead he just let it follow, scalding his skin, washing away the grim from the ride home and the disgust he felt over the cartel deal. With his palms braced on the wall, Kozik bowed his head, closing his eyes he allowed the water to run over him, not caring about the scolding water. He felt sick to his stomach. Getting clean had been the second, no the third hardest thing he'd ever done. The first year after leaving Charming had been the worst of his life. He'd fallen in with the wrong girl. What had begun as an occasional joint to block out the pain had soon turned into something far more serious and dangerous thanks to Jen Cassidy. Amazingly he'd been able to hide his habit from the club, at least for the most part. Lord knew how? And he was pretty sure that if it hadn't been for Bobby and Chibs, he'd probably have found himself six foot under.

Opening his eyes he glared down at the crook of his arm. The track marks had long since faded, but he knew where they were. His eyes could see them clear as day. His mind travelled back to that time, to Jen, the girl who'd helped ease the loneliness and pain, but who never quite filled the whole left by Tig and Missy. That was where the drugs came in. She'd been sneaking, easing him into that world before he'd realised. If he was honest, he hadn't really cared; he'd already lost everything he cared about, what was his life?

And now here he was helping the club he trusted and believed in, a club that had been determined to get him clean, spread the same poison that had very nearly killed him. He wondered what the hell he'd been thinking siding with Jax and Clay? What they'd been thinking making the deal in the first place? - Had he been feeling guilty over almost losing the gun shipment? Or was it because Tig had asked him to? He feared the answer. But there was one thing he knew beyond a doubt, he hated himself.

Dipping his head once more he tried to let the water burn away that self hatred but it wasn't working. He took a deep breath before pulling his fist back and slamming it into the wall, hard. He did it a couple more times, until the shower water tainted red with his blood. Tears burnt his eyes and he turned them into the cooling water. His breath hitched a few moments later at the touch of large firm hands on his damp skin, short nails digging into his hips and the scarp of short stubbly facial hair on his spine. There was a heavy silence, the only sound coming from the spray of water. Kozik waited for his lover to say something, to do something, but there was nothing but still silence. The tension was too much. Kozik didn't want silence, didn't want calm. Lifting his battered, bleeding hand. He reached round to grasp at the older man's hip, directly behind his own, pulling him close. Swallowing hard at the feel of the other man's solid erection against his arse. It took him a few moments before his pounding heart allowed him to speak. "Fuck me. - Right now! Here!" he said, pressing backwards. It wasn't a request, it was a demand. Spoken with a hard rough voice that seethed hatred.

Tig's moment of hesitation surprised the blond, and for a moment he wondered if the man was going to do what he demanded. Of course he should have known, this was Tig after all. He silently sighed with relief as Tig lifted his hand from his hip and pressed his fingers against the tightness of Kozik's rear. The long rough fingers worked swiftly but not for long, they were barely in their long enough to properly prepare him before they were gone and replace by the older man's dick. Tig gripped Kozik's waist in a firm biting hold as he pushed himself inside the tightness. Kozik closing his eyes tightly against the pain and pleasure that shot through his body. Tig didn't give him the time to adjust, ploughing forward with hard unforgiving thrusts.

It was rough and fast and left Kozik breathless. When Tig shifted his hand to take hold of his lover's painfully hard dick, the blond stopped him. If he was going to find his release it would come unassisted.

Tig took the hint and returned his hand to the blonds' hip, his own snapping forward with a punishing ferocity and speed. His hot breath ghosting over the blonds shoulders. This wasn't the first time he'd fucked a guy in the shower, and it probably wouldn't be the last, but it was the only time he hadn't enjoyed it, unable to understand the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. He counted the seconds till it was over. With that in mind he quickened his pace, coming sooner then either of them were expecting. At least in the disappointed moan the blond gave was any indication. Tig rested his head on the man's left shoulder blade, panting into the damp skin, still buried inside him. He was about to pull out when Kozik stopped him with a firm hand to his arse, his nails biting into the flesh.

"Don't stop." it was part way between a demand and a plea, and Tig felt his stomach tighten at the sound.

The sergeant frowned into the muscled back of his lover, his heart pounding dangerously fast in his chest. As much as he hated to admit it, he doubted he had it in him to go again. Instead he reached around the large body once more, intending to finish the job manually, only to have his wrist caught by the man. Grunting he pulled free of the man, forcing him to turn and face him, staring into the blonds' furious and almost broken gaze. Dropping to his knees, Tig pinned Kozik's arms to his side as he took as much of him into his mouth as he could. Neither noticing that the water had turned ice cold above them.

Tig drew a reluctant Kozik to his climax, grunting as the blond struggled against him. When Tig was sure there was no going back for the blond he realised his arms. Kozik's fingers instantly curled into the older man's dark locks and Tig used his newly freed hands to push the blond over the edge, inserting a finger into his already sore and battered behind. Kozik came only a few moments later, grunting and swearing. Cursing Tig a son of a bitch.

When he was done, Tig spate the cum into the shower water and climbed to his feet, as Kozik slumped against the wall breathless with his eyes closed to the world. The sergeant looked at him for a second before turning and exiting the shower, marching out of the bathroom wet and naked.

It took Kozik a few more minutes to regain his equilibrium. When his head had stopped spinning and his heart had returned to as close to normal as it could, he shivered and turned to face the cold spray. Reaching for the soap he quickly cleaned himself before finally stepping out. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he avoiding looking at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

He walked into the bedroom to find Tig lying on the bed, sipping at a beer, still naked and by the way the lights gleamed on his skin, wet too. Kozik rolled his eyes as he moved towards the bed. He lowered himself to sit on the edge and stared down at his feet. "The sheets will get wet." he said in a matter-of-fact monotone voice.

"Yep." Tig grunted, his gaze fixed on the wall across the room.

"We can't sleep in wet sheets."

"There not wet, there damp. It'll be fine." Tig replied, his tone matching that of his lovers.

Silence fell between them for a few moments, the bed shifting slightly.

"How's the hand?" Tig asked finally. "Remember you're heading north day after tomorrow."

Kozik looked down at his battered knuckles, flexing them. "They'll be fine. Just bruised."

"Good. - So….what was all that about?" he asked, taking another swig of his drink. "Don't get me wrong, I'm all up for the rough and ready in the shower, but it's not….you."

Kozik's head snapped around with a deep frown. "Meaning? - We've been rough a…."

"I meant that wasn't you. In there." Tig finally met the blue eyes. "I know how you like it." there was a small smirk he couldn't help pulling at his lips.

Kozik turned away, shrugging. "Things change."

"Bullshit!" Tig snapped. "That….that was about the vote. You're what….punishing yourself….or more precisely getting me to do it."

Kozik stared at his hand, continuing to flex his pained fingers as another silence stretched between them. Anger bubbling under the surface of Kozik's skin.

"You have no idea what I went through. You weren't there. - That's stuff almost killed me, and now you want me to help flood the streets with it. - And like a fucking dick I actually agreed. Is it really any wonder that I hate myself." he snapped angrily, getting to his feet and marching over to the dresser where his things still lay.

Tig watched him move around the room, felt the hate and anger roll off him. He was wrong when he said he didn't know what the drugs had done to him. He knew everything. He'd made sure of that. And if he should hate anyone, it should be him, for asking the ex-addict to vote for the deal. - Or better yet, Clay for making it in the first place.

Getting up he yanked back the sheets and climbed under, settling his bottle on the nightstand. They had a day for they'd be separated again, Kozik heading off to Washington, while he headed to Tucson. He didn't want another fight, he was tired of fighting. Taking a breath he settled back against the pillow and watched as Kozik slipped on a pair of underwear, before turning and walking back to the bed. He yanked back the covers and settled down, his back to the sergeant. Tig watched the muscles in the strong broad back for a few moments before reaching over and switching off the light. Turning to face the window, away from his lover, he closed his eyes and waiting for sleep to come. - It was a long torturous wait.

A/N: Okay guys hope you liked that. Afraid you'll have to wait for new year for another instalment. LOL. Anyway. Wishing all my fellow Tiggibelle's an very HAPPY NEW YEAR! Enjoy you're night everyone.