I use them for fun and not for profit.

Chapter 14

There was the usual quieting that happened every day around five. There was no starting time and no ending time. RangeMan had implemented flex time way before it was a business office fad. It was never called flex time; Ranger correctly assumed his employees would spend the amount of time necessary to get the job done. Why did his employees feel such loyalty to him? Why did she always go the extra mile to make sure her work was perfect?

In her case it went back to the very beginning with Ranger. Back to when he was her mentor, to when he came to her rescue anytime she called, and sometimes even when she didn't. There was no reasonable explanation for the things he did for her, unless you considered that he loved her. He'd told her he did and yet he'd never allowed them to be a couple. At one time she was so angry about it, if she'd been a man she would have called him to the mats. But, of course, she wasn't a man, so she'd married Joe. She'd really thought she was doing the right thing.

Julie's return had been a catalyst. Years ago, she'd buried thoughts of her and Ranger and a life together. Something about seeing Julie as a young woman, a young married woman, had unearthed those thoughts. Stephanie wasn't hopeful any longer that she and Ranger would end up together permanently. Six years of avoidance on his part, six years minimally recognizing her existence, was telling. Since Julie's return something had changed between her and Ranger though, and Stephanie was surprised to realize she was hopeful for the return of their friendship. She didn't know if she'd pursue her idea to use Ranger as a transitional man, but she would pursue the friendship.

Possessions didn't seem to be important to Ranger. His apartment was sparsely decorated and as Stephanie had seen recently there were still no personal mementos littering his shelves. Not even a stack of 'to be reads' on his bedside table. He had cars, but he seemed to hold no special significance to any particular car. Years ago, when she had destroyed several of his cars in a short space of time, he accepted the loss with a shrug of the shoulders and a casual remark about cars being easily replaced.

C'est la vie. Such is life. Roll with the punches. She'd rolled and ended up with Joe. Joe and Ranger in some ways had changed roles in her life. Joe was the one who always had her back now. She thought Ranger might still want to, but she hadn't tested that theory. What would she do if she found he didn't care? Her entire acceptance of the my love doesn't come with a ring line was based on the fact that somewhere, deep down, Ranger loved her. It helped her live without him. If she was unfulfilled and sometimes miserable, then he was, too. Someplace behind that blank face, behind that I want you in my bed, if not fully in my life, there was pain Ranger was hiding. That had been her working premise for six years. What if her theory was untrue? The infrequent and impersonal contact she'd had with him for six years could be just as easily ascribed to his not caring for her at all, except in the way he'd care for any employee.

"Hey." She startled at the sound. She'd been so deep in thought she hadn't seen Lester come to her doorway. "You about ready to knock off for the day?"

"Yeah," she said. "I'm finishing up."

"It's Zero's birthday. A bunch of us are going out for pizza and some brew. You want to come along?"

"I'm not sure," Stephanie said. The idea of sitting around with the guys and eating pizza was appealing. They didn't do those kinds of things often anymore. Everyone had a private life and private business.

"It'll be fun," Lester promised. "Grab your new partner and bring him. We can tell him tales about the good ole days, you know, stories of the Bombshell Bounty Hunter."

"From what I hear, you've already told him," Stephanie said.

"Nah, I just glossed over the highpoints. I didn't give any details."

"Oh, that does sound like fun," she said sarcastically. "An entire evening hearing about my screw-ups."

Lester advanced into the room. "They weren't screw-ups, Beautiful. Most of the time, if the facts were all presented, you weren't even to blame. You always said, 'It wasn't my fault' and it usually wasn't."

Stephanie shot him a quick grin. "If I come tonight I'll hold you to that. You'll have to end each story with, 'It wasn't her fault'. When and where?"

"Pino's at 1900."

"I don't know for sure. If you want Rock to come, you ask him. I've got something I need to do, but depending on how that turns out, I could be there."

Lester left her alone and she returned to her dilemma. Should she tell Ranger about Rock, or not? Should she sleep with Rock? If she slept with him would it be because she wanted the big O, or would it be because he reminded her of Ranger? And what if she did sleep with him and then he didn't go away? What if he pulled off his plan to kill his half-brother and then ended up working for RangeMan full-time? She didn't do the men of RangeMan. It was her rule.

The big question she couldn't ignore any longer was simple. Did she want Rock or Ranger, or Rock and Ranger? Shit, nothing was simple. Some men liked tall leggy blondes, while others like petite brunettes. Maybe she was attracted to the dark and handsome Cuban type. A quick look at her watch told her she couldn't put it off any longer. She picked up her phone and dialed.

"Yo." Just his damn voice made her heart race.

"I, ah, it's me. I mean, it's Stephanie, and, uhm, we need to talk, soon." She sounded like an idiot. When had she become a stammering fool?

There was a heartbeat of silence before he responded. "About what?"

"I don't want to say now, but it's important…and private."

"Come to my apartment. I'll have Ella bring dinner for two. We'll eat and talk."

"When?"

"An hour." This time she disconnected without another word. An hour. She had an hour to formulate what she was going to say about Rock's plan and about transitions.

She closed down her office for the day and went to her apartment. The newness of it wore at her and all of a sudden she was homesick for her old apartment. The building was still there and it hadn't gone condo yet, but it had been bought by a property management company. Some of the neighbors had passed on, but last time she'd stopped in to see Dillon, Mr. Wolesky was in the elevator fighting with Mrs. Bestler over whose job it was to push buttons.

It hadn't been that great of a place to live when she was single and in her thirties, but it had been her first real home. It was the place where she'd first slept with Ranger, the place where she'd watched Ranger knowingly walk into an ambush and get shot. Would she be a loser if she lived in that building as a forty-something divorced career woman? She could afford better now. She'd always felt as if she was in a holding pattern there, with her life about to begin, while the other residents were in a holding pattern waiting for their life to end. If she moved back in, would she be in the waiting to end holding pattern?

Time was passing in more ways than one. Ranger would be expecting her upstairs soon. She shook off her introspective mood and set herself into grooming mode. She showered quickly and fluffed her hair. It looked okay, or maybe a little better than okay. Mr. Alexander helped with some subtle highlights, but she had very little gray to cover. Her hair was still as wild and curly as ever and she let it go its own way. Again, Mr. Alexander helped with a good cut. She'd given up longing for long straight sleek locks and embraced her curls.

She spent time smoothing foundation on her face and checking closely for little wrinkles, crow's feet, signs of impending jowls. She twisted and turned and checked for the beginnings of a dowager's hump. And finally she relaxed. Her Hungarian genes hadn't expired yet. She may have been forty, almost forty-one, but she looked good and she felt confident as she slipped into her newest black bra and matching black panties.

She wore her most comfortable jeans, and a nice blue shirt with a low scooped neckline. The last thing she did before she left was put in the diamond earrings Joe had given her. Joe Morelli was part of her life and it seemed fitting that he should somehow be there when she took this next step. The only thing she knew for sure is that she would tell Ranger about Rock. It was her obligation as an employee, as head of research. After that she had no idea which way her night would go.

When she knocked on his door she was calm. When he opened it her calm dissipated a little. He looked so handsome, so utterly in control, so totally Ranger. She had to be honest with him, nothing less would do. His hand, at the small of her back, as he escorted her inside, left a burning imprint. She had been waiting for this and avoiding this, maybe since the day they met. Tonight was going to be a turning point, but first they had to talk.

The smell from the kitchen was wonderful giving evidence that Ella had already delivered the meal. As if sensing her indecision, Ranger took the lead. "You said you needed to talk, but I thought we might eat first. It's been a long day for me and I'm hungry."

"That's fine with me, but we can't eat and not talk. What's on my mind is important and it's driving me crazy. If I don't talk I won't be able to enjoy my food." Ranger laughed and Stephanie bristled in spite of her determination to remain calm.

"Babe, I've never seen you not enjoy your food. This must be a very serious conversation you want to have."

"I don't want to have this conversation at all, Ranger," she said. "I don't think I have any choice. It's about Rock."

"Are you sleeping with him?" His quiet inquiry raised her bristles. Suddenly she was on edge and in danger of losing her temper. The calmness she'd entered the apartment with was history.

"Not yet," she said. "I'm attracted to him. I want to make sure it's really him I'm attracted to and…" she stopped. Her courage to say what needed to be said was oozing out of her and puddling at her feet. "…And that it's not because he looks like you," she said on a rushed exhale.

"And that differentiation is important?" he asked. She rounded on him with fire in her eyes.

"I don't know. When you sleep with a dark-haired curly-headed woman is it because she reminds you of me, or because you want to sleep with her. Is the differentiation important?"

"Babe." And there is was. That simple endearment. The tears came to her eyes so unexpectedly they were rolling down her cheeks before she could stop them. He gathered her into his arms and she went willingly. She could tell the embrace wasn't meant to be a prelude to sex. It was an apology, of sorts. She buried her head against his chest.

"I have to talk to you about Rock," she said, her voice muffled by his shirt. "I have to betray something he told me in confidence and I don't want to, but I have to."

Ranger pulled back and looked down at her. "Let me help you, Babe." He gently wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks with his thumb. "Are you here to tell me Madrid is no longer employed by the DEA?"

Her eyebrows lifted. "How did you know?"

"Silvio." His hand was again at her back. "Let's eat, and then you can tell me. I already have a good idea, but we'll discuss that later. I've had a long day and maybe you have, too."

His voice was low and soothing and her calm was returning. They walked into the kitchen and Stephanie inhaled the wonderful aroma. "You were right, Stephanie," he said. "The other day you said Ella and Julie might be matchmaking. When I saw the food Ella brought tonight, I knew you were right."

Stephanie looked at the small table set for two. Usually they ate at the bar, but tonight the table was covered with a linen cloth. The meal was simple consisting of roasted chicken and broccoli. There was a basket of warm bread and a bottle of white wine, uncorked waiting to be poured. "She has dessert waiting in the refrigerator," he told her.

"What?" Stephanie asked.

"No, not now," Ranger told her. "You have to be a good girl and eat all your vegetables and then you can see what's for dessert." At her small frown he said, "Trust me, Stephanie. We're going to eat, and then we'll talk and it will be okay. First things first." He pulled out her chair.

Amazingly, they had dinner conversation that didn't revolve around Rock or her dilemma. They talked about Julie and about RangeMan and even a little about her family. Mostly they talked about Julie. "Did you know," she asked Ranger, "she wants to work for the FBI?"

"No," Ranger said. "There is much more I don't know about Julie than I do know. I talked to Rachel last night and she's calmed down some. It helped her to hear Julie was going to school if only part-time, and I think Rachel is happy she's living so close and working in the company."

"I have second thoughts about Julie working for RangeMan." Stephanie told him about the newest FTA, Peter the Great, and Julie's reaction to it. "It occurred to me that the education she gets from Lula and Connie may rival what she learns at college." Ranger smiled, finding the story amusing, but Stephanie knew better than to tell him of Lula's plan to take her to the Snake Pit. She had a feeling he wouldn't find that amusing at all.

Dessert was pineapple upside down cake and it rivaled her mother's. Ranger wouldn't have a piece, but he watched every bite she took. It should have made her feel self-conscious, but it didn't.

They took their wine glasses and went back to the living room. "Now, Babe. You can talk. Was I right? Does this have to do with the story of Madrid not being with the DEA?"

"Partly, and partly about transitions. I can't tell you. I never made a promise to him, but I think it would be wrong to repeat the private things he told me, and yet, I think he could be planning to do something that could potentially hurt RangeMan."

"He plans to somehow sabotage RangeMan?" Ranger asked.

"No, not intentionally, but it could turn out that way."

"Do you remember I told you the icon for contacting Silvio would disappear from your desktop twenty-four hours after it appeared, along with all the files he sent you?" Ranger asked.

"Yes, and they did."

"Silvio kept delving, because his instincts told him there was more to the story. He told me Madrid had resigned from the DEA and I asked myself why he would do that. The answer is simple. He has a personal vendetta. He wants his half-brother dead and to insure his goal is met he needed to align himself with an organization that would allow him to work outside the law." At Stephanie's gasp he stopped.

"You figured this out?" she asked him.

"It's not rocket science, Babe." He was smiling. She had worried so long and so hard about the ethics of breaking Rock's confidence and Ranger had figured it out. He was sitting across from her smiling!

"I don't know how he plans to pull off this op, or why he feels it's necessary, other than Montara is a psychotic serial murderer," Ranger said. "I'm thinking you do know, but I'm not going to press you for the details."

"Why, knowing this, would you allow him to use RangeMan, and me?"

"I wouldn't let him do anything to put you in danger. I asked you several times if you were sure you wanted to proceed and you indicated you did. As for why I let him inside RangeMan, I didn't know all the details in the beginning. He was already here before I understood he had a personal mission."

"It doesn't bother you he plans to murder someone."

"Killing someone to prevent more death is not wrong," Ranger said. He was looking so intently at her she turned her head to avoid his gaze. They were talking now about a time in her past. A time when she had known without being told, Ranger had killed to protect her. A time shortly after they became lovers. A time of confusion, hope and eventual despair. It was the first time he'd sent her back to Morelli. The second time was when she'd proclaimed her love for him. When he told her she was important to him, but he wouldn't commit in any way. That time Morelli had given her the ultimatum. Six years later she was back where she had started. She was about to confess her love for Ranger again, but this time she knew there would be different results. He knew it too, because he asked the question.

"You said you wanted to talk about transitions," he said.

"Yes, I did." She raised her wine glass and emptied it and held it to him for a refill. He raised an eyebrow, but took her glass and walked into the kitchen. He returned with it half-full. It was a statement and they both knew it. Her lightweight status when it came to alcohol was well known to Ranger.

"Lester and some of the guys are going to Pino's right about now," she said. "They are celebrating Zero's birthday. Lester invited me and he was going to call Rock and invite him. If I go, I will go home with Rock and I will spend the night with him." She waited for a reaction, but she got none.

She thought about getting up and driving the heel of her shoe into his instep, just to see if he'd flinch. She resisted the urge. She continued. "I loved you and I loved Joe. You pushed me away and Joe demanded marriage, or he'd push me away. I married Joe and the oddest thing happened. He lost his jealousy of you. He trusted me and things worked well, for a while. When we divorced I was traumatized and he let me stay, out of guilt probably. In the two years since we've been divorced we've become closer than ever. We are the best kind of friends because we both care deeply for one another, which brings me to my present point."

She stopped talking for a moment to take a swallow of wine. "I haven't had sex in two years. Joe and I are in a really good place. We like it so much we don't want to jeopardize it with physical intimacy. It occurred to me that I need a transitional man. Someone to get me over the hump and back into the mainstream and it occurred to me Rock might be that man."

"Why are you telling me this?" he asked her.

"Because you asked me earlier if I was sleeping with him. Now you know," she said. "But there is more." She was getting ready, for the first time in her life to be direct, to state her desires and needs in a simple straightforward fashion.

"If I sleep with Rock I'm afraid I might be using him. He looks so much like you, it's what first attracted me to him. I can't make the decision. The thing is, I love you. I know and understand your no relationship rule. If we made love tonight, or if we never make love again, the outcome doesn't change. My love for you is a certainty."

Ranger was unmoving, listening to her intently, and she found she was becoming aroused by her own words. The power of admitting her desire was heady.

"It's also a certainty that I am not going to be celibate the rest of my life," she continued. "It has occurred to me you could be my transitional man. I'm leaving the decision up to you. Make love to me, or send me to Rock."

"You want to sleep with me? Tonight?" His expression wasn't blank. It was seriously grim. Had she crossed some line that would forever change how he responded to her? How could that be? He was the one who'd always insisted it could only be sex.

Stephanie took in a deep breath and held her shoulders back. Her spine was straight. She bent forward slightly and set her glass on the end table. "I could care less than nothing if we sleep together. I want you to make love to me. All night, if you've still got it in you."