Chapter 10 - Grief
A/N SPOILER! Hugest spoiler ever… biggest in my life… Well when I said that thing about Game of Thrones about John Snow to my friend and he said he's going to commit suicide because of me was worst I guess… still SPOILER ALERT for episode 4 which made me hate TELLTALE from the bottom of my heart! :C ( *whisper* don't say I didn't warn you!)
I hate changes... I always did and I always will. They are unpredictable... that sounds funny and kind of pleonastic doesn't it? Still it doesn't make it wrong. Changes have this habit of simply sneaking up on you and creating this feeling of uncertainty. Things aren't what they used to be. The whole world has mutated into this monster and there is no turning back. Everything is different, unrecognizable, and there is nothing we can do about it. Changes are scary even terrifying for many of us but if you have the power to simply push on and survive you'll be able to turn a blind eye at this fact but some of us simply aren't made like that.
"SARAH STOP RUNNING! DAMMIT!"
"Don't you think she's enough noise, LUKE?"
"How can she run so fast?! I am beat."
The woods were empty some time ago until the girl rushed through them screaming at the top of her lungs, slowly drawing every creeper for miles… in merely minutes the group ended up with a trail of walkers behind them. Looking back the woman could see Luke screaming as well after Sarah and Nick which was falling back.
"NICK YOU ARE SHOT!"
"Wow… no shit, I didn't know… thank you for observing!"
"Here… "Slowly she took his arm around her shoulders to pull him after them a bit faster. His blood was forming a trail on the way which only meant that he was losing way too much of it. Soon Luke caught up with the girl. She panicked at the site of him and simply started moving frantically doing anything to escape him, as a last resort he twisted her hands on to her back and grabbed her running towards a mobile home. As soon as they reached the place the walkers were already on to it. Sarah punched Luke right in his side making the man escape a cry of pain as she ran for some room in the place. Nick and Adeline were simply pushing the door which the lurkers were so adamant into knocking down.
"LUKE! Need some help here, man!"
"Sorry… damn it must be worse than I thought." Gathering his bearings he started looking around for something to block the door but he found a key chain... so he started fumbling with them. Adeline, still pushing at the door could feel all her inside twist as she started feeling nauseous.
"Luke… FAStER PLEASE."
"Doing my best here." She could feel the room mixing in her mind as her head started to feel funny she soon pushed herself forwards puking the entire nothing in her. Lucky Luke had locked the door. Nick simply slid down the wooden surface in relief. Adeline was still on her knees in the corner gaging, finally being done she simply wiped her mouth with her sleeve.
"You ok?" Nick asked concern definitely in his tone.
"After the beating that I got and all the shit that followed… It would have been worrying if I wasn't throwing up. How are you? Cause I am not the shot one."
"I felt better."
"Let me look at it." But the walkers started banging at the door announcing them they are not quite safe yet. "Or maybe later."
"Later is good."
"SARAH WE HAVE TO GO COME ON! STOP THIS! DAMMIT!" Luke's struggling with the girl reached them. After a lot of attempts to get to Sarah they were all frustrated and frankly scared shitless of all the walkers now banging at their front door.
"Worst case we leave her here."
"What? NO! One of us should make a run for the others… with their help maybe we can get out."
"You and Luke are in no shape for that and we can't let Sarah alone…"
"I am fine… I can do this!"
"Nick… you lost more blood than God gave you for fuck sake stay put."
"We need help, Del… and you know it."
Our lives are just the conglomeration of our choice… from the most insignificant ones like waking up in the morning, Yes or no, up or down, in and out… to the most important ones, the choices that matter. To love or to hate, to be a hero or to be a coward, to fight or give up… to live or die.
"Why is everybody calling me that? Fine… but I am coming too."
"No problem with me."
Looking around Adeline spotted a window that was free of walkers; she slowly opened it to make space for Nick. He climbed over but as she went to follow him, Luke grabbed her wrist.
"Take care of Nick…" She nodded as she took her legs over the edge of the window. Nick was quick to grab her waste and take her down. They started running when a couple of walkers at the door spotted them. Easily they managed to fend them off but soon another couple appeared in front of them, one of the corpses grabbing Adeline. The thing was really close to her shoulder as she managed to get out by breaking one of its hands… she was lucky as the walker was almost boney white, what kept him together only God knew. She quickly grabbed her knife and after some swings both of the creatures were dead… too bad her happiness was soon to end as she heard Nick's scream. He managed to take care of one of the 2 lurkers on him but the other one managed to take a bite from him. The man fell to his knees with the creature on his back. Adeline quickly grabbed the thing and as she pulled it away she could see in its teeth a part of Nick's neck, a thin piece of skin breaking revealing Nick's muscles and blood. She killed the lurker quickly and then grabbed the man as he was about to fall on to his face.
"NICK! NICK TALK TO ME!"
Live or die, that's the important choice and it's not always in our hands.
"NICK!"
"As I said before… I had better days."
"DAMMIT NICK!"
Live or die, hero or coward, fight or give in.
"Hey… hey, hey, hey." His trembling hand cradled her cheek. "Don't cry for me… "So much blood was flowing from the wound that she didn't really knew how does it that he's still able to speak. She shifted to hold him on her lap, his head between her palms.
"Let me look at it… maybe… just maybe I can do something." He chuckled, a deep vibration echoing from his chest.
"You know I am done for." In her crying outburst she pressed her forehead to his.
"No… no, no, no…This is just a bad dream."
"If you want I could pinch you… for all we know it might actually be true." His voice was already starting to falter. He started coughing which made her get some distance. With her free hand she started wiping her tears only to smudge her face with his blood. Looking down at him she was barely able to hold her tears, her lower lip was trembling uncontrollably, though. His deep blue eyes were already losing their color and their life but at least they weren't so sad anymore they were excruciatingly peaceful. His black curls of hair were sliding through her fingers slightly moving from the wind and his skin was so pale almost cadaveric white. "Now or never I suppose… I am a dead man anyway…"
"Huh?" His head pulled up as his lips touched hers. She froze. He was too cold the only thing still heating his skin were her tears.
Live or die, love or hate, fight or give in.
As his tongue reached inside her she escaped another sob but that didn't stop him. She wasn't able to answer too much to his kiss as she was taken by surprise but it was enough for the man. Their broke apart as another coughing fit started. His face had a small smile on it as his eyes slowly closed.
"Harder to do it with a part of my neck gone."
"Nick?" He somehow managed to bump her cap before his head fell limp in her hands. "Nick?"
"Don't forget me Adeline."
I'll say it again to make sure you hear me. Live or die, wait or step up, love or hate.
"Nick?" His chest rose for one last time. "NICK!" The tremble in his body stopped. "No…" His hand slowly fell from her cheek but she quickly grabbed it midair bring it back. She started silently sobbing in his palm. "I won't… I promise you I won't."
The human life is made up of choices. Live or die, that's the important choice and it's not always in our hands or anyone's hands for that matter.
Soon His eyes opened again but as a growl escaped his lips he jumped at her. Still crying as hard as she could she fell on to her back desperately trying to push him away? After a hard kick and a bit of crawling she managed to escape Nick. He followed her, of course he followed her but somehow he got stuck in to a fence. Looking back at the man she fell on to her knees in front of him. Once again a someone died because of her. Once again she was blind and once again that person had to do something to break her even more. She liked Nick but if all of this zombie apocalypse thing wouldn't had happened Nick would had been the perfect example of one of her friendzoned… still her finger raised to her lips as she still remembered his touch… somehow she craved more. She remained there looking at Nick as he tried to free himself and get her… maybe if Clementine and Jane wouldn't had arrived he would had managed to rip his flesh off and reach her, tore her to pieces and feed upon her flesh but no… fate once again wouldn't allow such a free ticket to her. Clementine attempted in to killing him but Adeline's hand grabbed her wrist in the process, of course Jane intervened.
"We have to put him down."
"I know! But not like this…" She pulled out her knife and with shaky fingers she went closer to him. The man was still squirming but the fence wasn't allowing him too much movement so she slid her free hand through his hair. "I am sorry, truly I am." With that, her knife went through his mandible right in to his brain. He regained that peaceful look as she took her knife back. Slowly grabbing him she carefully laid him on the ground placing his palms one on top of the other on top his chest. Still in tears she closed his eyes and placed one last kiss on to his lips. "Goodbye." And so she regained her composer, her mask as cracked as always took the place of her face.
"Luke and Sarah are in one of the mobile homes… you can't miss them… mostly because Luke is a genius."
"OH GOD SARAH!"
"And he just made my point."
"They don't sound too good. The clock is ticking."
We're born, we live and we die. Too bad this life just fucked up that chain. Now we put things to rest only to have them rise up again. So if death isn't the finish line, on what can you count on anymore?
"Sarah, please… Who's out there?... Clem?...Oh… thank GOD!"
Because you sure can't count on anything in life anymore in especially since life is on the verge of extinction… it is so fragile and unstable.
The group managed to escape with Sarah and leave the place. On the way out they passed Nick but besides a sad 'Fuck' Luke didn't do anything else. Adeline couldn't understand how she, a woman that knew him for less than a year, could manage so much more emotions than his own childhood friend but life is life and theirs especially had the power to do this on an individual… Clementine being another example of this fact. Still as she passed Nick's corpse she couldn't keep in one last tear.
Now he was just another dead body on the road lost within the millions other like him left for someone else to loot or God knows what. I grabbed my cap… Nick's cap in an attempt to forget everything. But as we passed the other walkers that Jane and Clementine put down I slowly started to realize I won't be able to hide this hollowness in me. Now he is just another corpse, another history for some interested person to find out… so much history everywhere you look. The missing of a cap given to an important person, the license drivers kept as a reminder of better days, the trail of blood left by some poor soul still trying to cling to life, some bullets on the ground, broken glass and torn out buildings all of them almost screaming in my mind. A mother holding her child, a couple screaming their last confessions, some children screaming for their family! I can't go on anymore! I feel paralyze living in a world so cold, wasted and broken! I am tired for my soul to crack little by little as the days go by for my own demise… I can't do this anymore!
Grief can be found in a dictionary as: "a keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret." Google it.
"Okay… Look, I hate to ask this, but… are we there yet?" Luke was at the end of his limits just as everyone else.
"We're not far."
Sarah was behind the group and she was getting even further so Adeline stopped to wait for her. She didn't care anymore but the girl was worse than her so she wanted to erase some of her regret.s
If you were to read some psychology book you'll see that grief is quite a complex term, when we are dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five stages of grief. We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable; we can't imagine it's true. We start begging God that all is just a nightmare.
"I can't believe you!"
"You said something, Del?"
"Don't fucking call me that again!" Both Jane and Luke turned their gaze towards the woman trying to push Sarah. "I can't believe you! Nick is dead!"
"I know… what is your point?"
"My point? Luke! What happened with you? Why the fuck don't you give any craps for Nick!? He died to help us… YOU!"
"What do you want me to do now?! Take his corpse in my hand and start begging GOD to bring him back… He's dead we move on!"
"You are so heartless… so… unbelievable… he was your friend. He never stopped talking about you... Luke here, Luke there always worrying always doing his best and you… can't even give ONE though for him!?"
"Mourning would just be a waste of time and you know it."
"DAMMIT LUKE! I can't do this anymore? Just surviving... just keep going not caring for the people we step over to achieve this so called 'moving on' as you said it!"
"Luke is right, Adeline…"
"SHUT UP CLEMENTINE! You are not far either… you all were after him… he was just a liability to you."
"What are you talking about Adeline?"
"You were keeping him around because you felt pity because you felt forced to do it… not because you cared for Nick." Hearing this Luke's eyes filled with rage he turned around and looking right in to Adeline's eyes he spat.
"Who are you to say that?"
"The last person to be by his side, the only one that actually cared and cried for him!" He clenched his teeth as he simply left her there going in front of the group. "You are just a pathetic survivor Luke! REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU GO TO SLEEP NEXT TIME! Remember that for you every fucking day that you'll live from now on!"
"You are talking?!"
We become angry with everyone. We become angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain, we beg and we plead. We offer everything we have. We offer up our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair. Until finally we have to accept that we have done everything we can. We let go. For me the other steps are yet to come… but I am sure that Nick's dead won't bring mine. He's just another part of my heart gone to heaven or hell… or maybe lost to haunt that stupid Park. Anyway I just hope he's happy where he ended up… that he's not in pain or suffering that he's at peace… unlike the bunch of us.
A/N Ok… this is a Nick chapter because I actually cried when this happened in the game. Nobody cared that poor Nick died so horribly. Why the fuck did I try so hard to keep him alive… just for him to die such a pathetic death FUCK! I cried and I am not proud of myself… he's just a game character… he's just a game… character dammit!... long story short now you know why I hate Telltale...