What is a Mean Girls story without Regina?

Chapter 7

'…and so that's the whole story,' finished Gretchen. She carefully studied Regina's features for any reaction. The blonde had said nothing for the last ten minutes while Gretchen had been talking and the brunette had no clue as to how she was going to react.

'You're an idiot Gretchen, you know that right?' said the blonde, bluntly.

Gretchen was (obviously) not very happy to hear this, but much to her own surprise her desire to slap Regina was not nearly as strong as her desire to confide in someone, anyone. So she sat on her hands.

Regina looked irritatingly fabulous. The blonde was not as dolled up as in her Plastic days, but she wasn't in her sports jock uniform either. Designer jeans, expensive boots and a black cotton t-shirt she still looked like a goddess without even trying. It was enough to make to you weep.

Somehow Gretchen had hoped that Regina would have been shorter than she recalled. If anything she was taller. Standing next to her Gretchen felt very short and very brunette.

'Still,' Regina said with a roll of her eyes. 'I suppose I should help you. You know, for old time's sake.'

'For old time's sake,' agreed Gretchen finding herself fighting the instinct to agree with everything Regina said.

'I mean you can't go back to that biaytch Trang Pak,' said Regina twisting the knife a little further.

'No.'

Regina relaxed a little, and for the first time her expression gave a little warmth. She even smiled a genuine toothy Regina smile. It was something even Gretchen had only ever seen a couple of times before, and it was about a thousand times more dazzling than the studied smile she usually wore.

'You know I've missed you Gretch,' she admitted. 'In a totally non-gay way.'

'Totally,' agreed Gretchen despite herself. There was something about Regina that you couldn't help but be drawn to, no matter how mean she could be. Even Cady had gone for it at least for a while.

The taller girl strode confidently ahead (not that Regina George ever did anything without confidence), forcing the brunette to near sprint to keep up with her. She stood at the railing and gestured down to the other floors of the mall.

'Tell me, my once and future apprentice,' said Regina grandly gesturing over the balcony, 'what do you see?'

'A sale at The Gap?' suggested Gretchen after a moment's observation.

'Really,' said a surprised Regina, checking for herself. 'Coolness. Not actually what I meant though.'

Gretchen looked again. Finally she was forced to make an educated guess.

'That woman with a severely botched facelift? At least I hope that is a woman,' she added with a shudder.

'No you brunette bimbo,' said Regina with a roll of her eyes, 'God, do you and Karen share a brain donor? I mean the dozens of cute guys down there.'

Gretchen blinked. 'Cute guys? Um, Regina I'm really not sure I feel like dating someone else right now-'

'Not you,' said Regina with a smirk. 'Karen.'

'Karen,' said Gretchen despondently. She had a nasty feeling she knew what was going to come next.

'You see you get Karen to fall for a new guy,' Regina continued. 'And you go out with this Mike. Everyone wins.'

'But-' began Gretchen. Regina cut her off with a wave of her hand.

'It's not as if we are talking about cheating,' she stressed. 'I mean you would never even think about going out with Karen's boyfriend behind her back. Would you?'

Gretchen could not quite bring herself to look Regina in the eye.

'So the best way is to make sure he doesn't become Karen's boyfriend in the first place,' said Regina firmly. 'It will save a lot of pain all around.'

'But… but,' said Gretchen searching for a reason to not agree. Mercifully something came to mind. 'I've been telling them about each other, and, they like each other and-'

'Think Wieners, think,' said the blonde. 'Tell her that he hates Reese Witherspoon; tell her that he has to pluck his uni-brow every morning. Tell her that he eats boiled puppies for breakfast for all I care. Something that will convince her Mr Right is really Mr Hell No. Then he can be all yours.'

Gretchen gaped at her.

'But Karen,' flustered Gretchen. Parts of her mind were shouting pretty loudly at other parts just about now.

'Will have this great new guy we found for her,' said Regina with a shrug. 'We aren't leaving her in the lurch.'

'Trust me,' said Regina with a smile. It was not the dazzling, toothy smile she had given earlier, but it was still quite something to behold.