Chapter 14 - Mistakes and remorse

"Well… the place looks kind of deserted." Adeline pointed out as the two of them were wondering the snowy streets of the city.

"It is as if everybody left…"

"Maybe they actually did… when the outbreak started. If you look there is barely a car… I think I actually saw only one."

"Maybe… That would mean no lurkers…"

"We should still be careful."

They kept on walking for a few minutes. Everything besides them was death silent only their occasional voice pointing something out and the crunchiness of the snow under their steps would penetrate that surreal peace. The sun was barely shining through the thick covers of clouds and the snow kept on falling, small intricate flakes flying in the air one by one covering the ground.

"Isn't that a pharmacy?" The woman raised a finger towards a small green building. Getting closer they could already make up the green neon cross barely hanging by one lose screw.

Entering through a broken window the couple started looking around the place. It still had some supplies here and there but the most important ones are long since gone. Moving from shelf to shelf Luke found himself in front of the "young age inadequate" stuff. Laying his eyes on the several boxes of condoms he couldn't believe he was so blind. Grabbing one of them he threw it in the direction where he believed Adeline was hitting her squarely in the head.

"The fuck, Luke!?" Finding the little red box one of her eyebrows shot to the sky.

"You realize we hadn't thought about this?"

"Color and scent… orange, banana and strawberry… lu-bri-cated..."

"What are you talking about?" Luke finally appeared from around the corner.

"Am I not good enough? Usually without it is better… but… "

The man started waving his hands in front of him quickly as if trying to erase what she just said. "I wasn't talking about that… ehh…" He threw another box… this time a bit bigger and this one made Adeline's eyes widen.

"Pregnancy test?"

"I just want a warning if something like this is true."

"Also these things are a few years old…"

"So?"

"I am not pregnant."

"We don't know that… and if you are… it would… I don't know." Luke was clearly looking awkward and quite flustered about the whole idea, he was looking anywhere but at Adeline and his hands seemed as if he didn't knew where he should put them. "I just… realized… you know… I would like a heads up."

Staring down at the box Adeline realized he might be right… She has been feeling quite queasy and her body felt pretty weird… but she always blamed the beating she had. Now she really felt like her whole world is crumbling, her… being pregnant? It would suck! SUCK BIG TIME!

"Hey… before panicking let's see if there is something to get panicked about… okay?"

He watched as she made her way as on autopilot around the corner to have the test. Meanwhile Luke sat on to the ground trying to stop the shake in his fingers. How could he be so careless? His fingers went through his hair to scratch the back of his neck. Adeline came back now just sitting next to him.

"So?"

"We have to wait for a bit…"

"Hmm… if you're not going to kill me the suspense will."

"Kill you? Why?" He shrugged guilt present in the tremble of his hands, a thing that Adeline picked up quite quickly. "Luke… This… is a two person job. "He shrugged again. "Of what are you so afraid of? Once again he shrugged. "Luke… talk to me…"

"And what should I say? That I was an idiot that acted like a teenager in heat… I am… I am 27 dammit! I should be… more careful you know. "

"Hey… in a normal world… you could had already been married with twins…" His eyebrows snapped upwards repeatedly earning a smile from the man.

"In a normal world we wouldn't be worrying that if you were pregnant the kid would be eaten by a lurker."

"In a normal world you wouldn't have to worry about me being pregnant. I am around 20 by now… six or seven years younger… I don't think you'd had even looked at me." Luke started laughing now. "Ok… that sounded stupid and childish…"

"You think? But getting back at that… do you really believe that I like you only because there is no one else? That's just bullshit."

"You don't really have proof to back you up."

"If Nick was here he'd be my eyewitness… I remember those first few days… he was giving me that all knowing look every time I came out of your room. Nick… that idiot. I miss him."

"So you had a crush on me?"

"I don't know… maybe… huh? Maybe… "

"20 – 27 quite an age difference. As I just said… by now you could have had a family… and I would be fussing around with university."

"I was actually thinking. Before the outbreak I was dating this girl. Is it awkward to talk about my dead ex?"

"No...Yes… But I would like to hear about it."

"I actually wanted to propose to her but I was broke and unemployed so I delayed it. Now I feel bad for that… but I remember imagining her as my wife and a little baby girl named Marie… I don't know why but just now your image came in to my mind in the same way."

"What? "

"Maybe it wouldn't be that bad if that thing turned out to be positive… would it?"

"Besides the fact that you pointed out just now… the random lurker eating the baby?"

"We are pretty close to Wellington… it is definitely a safe place."

"If it turns out to exist."

"I don't want to imply anything here Del… but if it happens it might not be the end of the world."

"You thought it might be the end of the world didn't you?"

"After seeing what happened with Rebecca… kind of."

Staring down at the pink device Adeline bumped Luke's shoulder with her own. "Marie, huh? " His eyes widen. "It is negative… but we can try again." Laughing he grabbed the condom box from the ground throwing it once again in to her head.

"Rain check?"

"Look… a supermarket." Luke pointed out towards a red colored building.

"Maybe we could find a map or something in there…"

When they got closer they saw that the only usable entrances were the sliding doors so doing their best at parting the glass gates they managed to squeeze in to the place.

"It looks picked clean…"

"Yeah… but maps aren't the first thing on your mind when you try to… Del? What are you doing?"

The woman waved the man to keep the noise at a minimum as she grabbed a pointy looking pipe from a stand behind her. Slowly making her way to the storage room she took a peek through the barely opened door. There were, from what Adeline could see, two persons.

"Shit… this thing is busted." A lantern flew backwards making Adeline twist behind the door so the object wouldn't hit her squarely in the face. As a thumb sound echoed through the building Luke took cover behind some shelves peeking his head to look at the woman. Gesturing with his hands he asked her what's happening but his answer was just a shrug as the woman kneelt to take another look.

"The shits around this place are either broken or empty Bonnie… there is nothing for us."

"Yup… I know. But what can we do Mike?"

Almost instantly Luke got out from his covers and dashed for the couple only to be stopped by Adeline. The woman, with a rough hold on his wrist pulled him down to her and whispered.

"Let's listen for a bit… "Luke tried to get back up but because of the hold tightening on his wrist he gave in to her.

"I feel sorry about the boy."

"Arvo? Mike… he shot Clem. I would have strangled him right there if Kenny wouldn't have appeared."

"It's kind of our fault… we destroyed most of what he had…we ruined his life."

"Mike… it ain't our fault that he and his boys attacked us… We are the victims here."

"I can't help it."

"And he also stole our supplies and left while we were fightin' the lurkers. Ain't no question here we made a mistake for trusting the boy."

"We still have one bag."

"Yeah… but we betrayed the others, left Clem and Jane with Kenny. Maybe we shoulda done something else… stay and help them… maybe face Kenny or something."

"There is nothing else we can do now."

"YOU JUST LEFT?!"

Luke erupted from behind the door making Adeline escape a curse as she came next to him.

"Luke, Adeline… Y'all alive? Dear God."

"Wait Bonnie… Is Kenny with you?" Mike came protectively holding a hand in front of the woman.

"We didn't find the others when we came back to that cabin by the lake. Thx for helping us by the way."

"Shut it, Del. We are not here to question them about the lake thing but I sure as hell wanna hear about that leaving Clem and Jane with Kenny thing."

Bonnie and Mike gave each other unsure looks before the woman came closer to the couple.

"Thangs got out of control with Kenny without you Luke. That man ain't right in the head anymore…"

"He started to act worse than Carver. You, man… were the only person still opposing him, without you he unleashed."

Luke turned towards Adeline with a questioning and shocked look in his eyes. The man tried to answer something but raising his hands up he turned around swearing to no one in particularly.

"Luke… you don't get it… we thought you both were death… "

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD... If I was death what? If I was so important for the group why was Adeline the only one to help me?"

"Man… you both stayed under the ice for a while… I still can't believe you are here… flesh and bones and no moaning and chewing our flesh."

"Where did you leave the others?" Adeline finally asked.

"At the cabin… by the lake… "

"The car tracks…" She whispered as she put in the pieces. "So Arvo shot Clementine?"

"I hope Clem ain't hurt."

"SHE WAS SHOT BONNIE… OF COURSE SHE'S HURT!"

"Calm down, Luke."

"How can I calm down, Del! I almost die and everything goes to shit! This ain't happening… FUCK!" Adeline's hand grabbed his and he almost froze middle action just to stare at the look in her eyes. Sighing to calm himself down he nodded.

"I am sorry Luke… I… We… didn't know what to do."

His eyes narrowed but he didn't move… not even flinch. Adeline could clearly feel the anger boiling inside him which wasn't characteristic for the man. Maybe everything was starting to get to him as well or maybe he is simply at the edge?

"We can still find them… We just need to find a map."

"Don't tell me you are planning to head down to Wellington?"

"Well… Mike. Unlike you we are still trying to help the others."

"Man… your dead sentence… "For a moment a fleeting thought to punch the man went through him but realizing that this is just his own fury twisting his will he simply turned around to leave.

"Luke… please." Bonnie dashed for him grabbing him by his arm only to be shaken off.

Adeline would have intervened but a bit by bit the world around her became a mixture of images and sounds. Good that the others were fighting because somehow she managed to lean her back against a wall. She was feeling funny as if she had a hangover or something close to that… and it was kind of troubling. Doing her best to level her breaths she filtered the scene around her much better being able to see the red-haired woman desperately gesticulating at an angry Luke, Mike not far behind occasionally waving a hand. He mind was blank and her body numb and the man, looking through Bonnie saw her wobbly self. Waving Bonnie to shut up he dashed for her so when Adeline opened her eyes she awoke to a cool hand stroking her forehead.

"You ok? You seem kind of pale." With one hand Luke brushed some of her wispy bangs away.

"I'm… I'm… ok… just lost my footing for a while. " Trying to make a few steps forwards she ended up almost falling, stumbling over her own feet but the man easily enough grabbed her.

Mike was staring at them, his fingers slightly petting the grip of his gun. "Was she bitten?"

"What? No."

"Man… she is pale, dizzy ad barely can stand… looks like a bite to me."

"She wasn't bitten!"

"I am dying that is true." She said flatly as she managed to regain some balance. "But it is not a bite…"

"You won't mind me asking why are you dying? "

"Mike! Stop." Bonnie intervened.

"Sorry… but last time we saw them Luke was drowning in a frozen lake and she jumped in it, and I should add the fact that the lake had lurkers flipping in it and above it. I am sorry if I am cautious."

The truth was bitter and looking at the other faces as she raised her shirt to expose the darkened spot only made it so much tangible. Even if he already knew about it, Luke couldn't but stare at her own death sentence with agony and remorse. Back at the cabin the only light source was that fireplace but here in the middle of the day everything seemed much more horrifying.

"Wellington is kind of her only chance."

Bonnie and Mike nodded at each other pity readable in their silent discussion but for Adeline what continued was just darkness as her eyes rolled back and her body fell on to the cold and dusty stone.

Since the outbreak everybody realized that the gift of live is everything. Too bad none of them truly did something for it at the start.

"Del?! Wake up, Del!"

Since the outbreak everybody realized they have to survive at any cost even if they have to sacrifice their life… even if they become worse than the things actually hunting them.

"Luke! STEP AWAY FROM HER!"

"ARE YOU NUTS! SHE STOPPED BREATHING!"

Since the outbreak everybody died inside… there is barely a glimpse of life here and there and that is only between the people that can still say they need somebody to keep on going.

"Mike! DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS!"

"MIKE STOP IT! NO!"

Since the outbreak everybody started doing mistakes… bigger mistakes than before. The little things like forgetting your keys, or breaking something, not keeping your mouth shut or simply not getting why 2+2 equals 4… those little mistakes turned in to murders, life is expendable now when living, the last precious thing you can have, is being taken from you.

"YOU KILLED HIM LUKE!"

Many that we loved or cared for have passed away too soon… and with no real reason.

"No… what did I do?"

We remember them often. In the mornings with a weak smile on our lips when the birds sing and the sun shines, at night when the moon rises and the stars flash across the clear sky, when we hear a long forgotten song in which the singer hums our everyday drama and even when we are unconscious… when we hear a loud bang and a body falling in a puddle of its own blood, when a trembling voice speaks of its own deeds and when the gurgle of a dying man blames its criminal. When the scream of a woman desperately tries to erase the act that no one can say it never happened… and when the instrument of death falls on the ground like its victim just seconds ago.

Nobody ever realizes what they would do to protect their loved ones. And Luke is no special case. His hands were tainted with yet another life and he couldn't get the wild terror in Mike's eyes as the bullet split his flesh out of his head.

"How is she?" Reawaken from his thoughts he took a look at Adeline's form hidden under the layers of covers from the bed. Her even breaths were a good sign but this event only opened his eyes at the woman's condition.

"I don't know, Bonnie." Taking a few steps in to the bedroom where Adeline was sleeping he sat on the edge of the bed next to her, burying his head in his palms. "This is just a fucking nightmare that won't end."

"At least you're feeling bad."

"What should that mean… of course I am feeling bad." Bonnie was staring at him outraged and accusing. "You're not blaming me for this are you?"

"Luke… you shot him!" The coopery smell of blood and the crimson liquid splattered everywhere was still engraved deep in his mind appearing behind his eyes as if those images became his eyelids.

"I warned him… he wanted to… fuck!"

"Adeline was fine you just panicked! Mike wanted to help you!"

"I warned him… I FUCKING WARNED Him!"

"Why is this girl so important to you anyway?!"

"Unlike you she jumped in that lake… unlike you if I were Mike she'd had jumped in front of the bullet. She had done more for me than you'll ever be able to do for anyone."

Hearing his words the woman tried to say something but she turned around. Her footsteps could be heard going down the corridor and in to the next room.

Luke did his best to detach himself from the riot of feelings threatening to overwhelm his already broken soul. Brushing his hand over his face and thorough his hair he turned around to look at the woman peacefully snoozing wrapped in the cozy sheets of the bed.

"Fuck…" Her skin was almost plainly white pale and she was clearly struggling to breathe in but at least the look on her face appeared to be peaceful… besides the occasional squints she made because of the pain probably.

His hand came to her forehead and she sighed as he touched her tender skin. Her head gently moved after him making his fingers to cradle her cheek and to make her smile. Somehow, even if she was unconscious, she knew she had someone to keep her safe. He can still remember those days when they first met; how she would jump from her sleep at the tiniest of sounds… he missed those days… maybe if he had another chance he could fix this. Luke was feeling as if he was at the end of his line, he was tired and no amount of sleep in the world could help with that. His other hand went under the cover to grab hers. Carefully sliding it out from the blankets he took it up to his lips, pressing her fingers to his own skin. He needed to feel her warmth so he knew she was still alive.

"Don't you dare leave me…? I hope you hear me, Del… don't you dare leave me." He was barely holding back tears. After what seemed like forever he left her hand go for it only to twist behind his neck to push him down.

"Did I wake you up?"

"Bonnie did that job for you… "Now he felt embarrassed, she'd been wide awake through this whole thing. "I actually thought you realized I was awake when I couldn't hold myself from smiling."

"I am bad at reading people… I always lose at poker."

"Lucky me…" Now he was laid next to her, his hand not moving from her cheek. Adeline snuggled in his palm as her own hands came to his chest. Pulling her close to him she snuggled her nose in to him. He smelled of blood and death and sweat but somehow she found that scent that was purely Luke and she enjoyed every bit of it. "What happened?"

"I think you fainted… I don't know. You weren't even breathing for a moment there…"

"I am sorry for scaring you…"

"Mike wan-ted to shot you… he said you were death and he didn't want any lurker walking around." She could feel the fear in the way he was speaking and raising her head to look in to his eyes she could feel the guilt in them.

"What did you do?"

"He didn't give me any choice…" Her eyes widen.

"And what if he was right?"

"I would have had two death people on my consciousness." His hands tightened around her, pulling Adeline even closer, his head lost in her hair. "I would have had your death on my consciousness."

"Luke…" She didn't dare to believe he cared so much for her but the fear of losing her pushing him so far as killing that meant she was something more than just some other lover. Losing what she wanted to say Adeline simply whispered while nestling her nose in to the crook of his neck." My head hurts." His lips pressed slightly on her forehead and she was in awe at their softness and how they seemed to erase any kind of ache from her temples. "Thank you."