The LAPD Ball Part 5
Brenda's viewpoint
I was having a fantastic time, everyone had been wonderful, the night had well and truly exceeded my expectations, plus I had Sharon right here close at hand.
I'd found myself exchanging glances with her throughout the night, she was beautiful, the colours suited her and she had taken my breath away when I first saw her.
Sharon looked stunning, glamorous and very, very sexy, we exchanged glances as she had joined us and the look in her eyes had set my spirit soaring. She was there for the Ball, but she was here, looking like that for me. On one hand having her here was wonderful, on the other; it was going to be a trial to have her so close but not touch.
One concern melted away though once she joined our group, the look of appreciation in her eyes as she ran her eyes up and down my outfit meant everything to me. She hadn't said anything but I knew she approved, which was the whole idea.
I wanted her to like it;
I wanted her to like how I looked.
I wanted her to like me, to want me.
I wanted…her.
That was a huge change right there, but one I was coming to terms with.
Over the past few weeks we'd gone from a warm friendship to something closer. We weren't a couple, not yet, not really, but we had a connection, we were more than friends, less than lovers, at least we weren't there yet.
The way I saw her had changed, as we'd spent more time together lately, the level of comfort we'd had with each other had deepened. I'd become even more relaxed around Sharon, all the time we'd spent talking and chatting and working together was making me more and more at ease about where we were heading.
While the idea that we were going to end up together, in bed, was still a bit daunting, I could see that happening and I was moving from apprehension to something more like anticipation. The more I saw of the happiness that Jane and Ana and Maura and Nat had the more I wanted the same thing.
I watched them dance together out on the floor, they were glamorous and beautiful and the centre of everyone's attention. I couldn't drag my eyes off them when they swapped partners, Natalie and Jane looked amazing together while Ana and Maura were equally as stunning.
They looked great, beautiful and stylish, laughing and smiling, so obviously happy and comfortable with their partners and their friends and I sighed gently. I wanted to be like them, out there on the floor with Sharon, open and honest in front of everyone, having everyone see how happy I was and who was making me happy.
I'd danced with most of the squad, they were all lovely, obviously on their best behaviour and nothing less than the gentlemen I knew them to be. They may fool around when it was just us working together, but in front of the rest of the LAPD their behaviour was exemplary.
I'd noticed as well that for all they tease Sharon behind her back, occasionally calling her the 'wicked witch', as part of our team they'd made sure that she was never short of dance partners. I hadn't missed the laughter and smiles either, Sharon was having a good time and the guys were having a good time with her, which made me smile even more.
To be honest, I was just happy that everyone else was happy and knowing that they were happy for me. I'd had lots of good times with the boys, but tonight was one of the most enjoyable I'd ever had since I moved out to LA, all those years ago.
I'd politely turned down a few invitations to dance from senior officers, sticking with my friends, besides, I knew most of the men asking me were single and they were aware I was as well, so they most likely had ulterior motives. Besides, none of them held a candle to Sharon, least as far as I was concerned.
Hell, when Will Pope turned up and couldn't keep his eyes to himself, eyeing off Sharon, it'd taken all my patience not to snarl at him, I felt my temper rising as he leaned over her way, probably trying to get a look down her décolletage. Fortunately he'd taken our hints and backed off; a good thing as slapping his face would probably be a bad career move, especially in public.
Sharon and I had chatted a few times through the evening, just enjoying each other's company, our conversations were light but I found myself exchanging a lot of meaningful glances, just enjoying being with her, even when we weren't saying anything. I found myself appreciating her dress, she looked lovely and I admired her, enjoyed the chance to just look at her in a way I hadn't wanted to before our relationship had changed.
"Are you quite finished eyeing me off honey, or would you like me to give you a bit of a show?" I looked up guiltily at Sharon's words. I felt acutely embarrassed at what I must have been doing. I hate it when guys stare, I'd been pissed at Pope doing it and now here I was being just as bad.
"Oh god Sharon, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Her laugh was warm and I felt relief as she leaned in towards me, her hand on my arm.
"Hey, I dressed this way to get your attention and I'm guessing that you dressed like that for the same reason" I nodded, feeling my cheeks warm. Here I was a grown woman and a few gentle words from Sharon could have me blushing.
"Do you like it?" She turned this way and that, letting me look at her. To be honest, while I was interested in the dress, I was more interested in looking at her bare shoulders and the daringly high split that left her leg bare almost to the hip. Without realising it, I was moistening my now dry lips.
"It's beautiful, you look…beautiful" And she did, simply beautiful. Sharon just smiled a warm; 'cat who's got the cream' smile.
"Then its mission accomplished, I wanted you to like it" Oh I did, I did, I liked her in it and I'd like her out of it too I was sure. I hurried to cover what I was thinking.
"It looks familiar but I don't know where from" She smirked at me; I swear that woman can read my mind at times.
"It's a Versace Atelier dress; apparently Angelina Jolie wore something almost identical in Cannes and the store had one in my size" My mind suddenly clicked into place, realising what she was saying. Versace Atelier, Angelina? Oh my god.
"Sharon, how much did that dress cost?" She just pulled a funny face and shrugged before smiling at me.
"Enough, but it was worth it to see your expression" I was shocked.
"Sharon, you didn't have to do that, just having you here tonight was everything I could have asked for" Sharon just dropped her head to peer at me over her glasses.
"I could ask the same question about you Brenda. That dress and those heels must have cost you a small fortune, did you buy them for the Ball or did you buy them for me?" I looked down for a moment, biting my lip, before nodding, speaking softly.
"You" When she said nothing I looked up, to see her smiling happily.
"Then we're even. We did this for each other and I'm glad we did. You look stunning" I blushed again, oh that woman; she seemed to be able to have me blushing on cue. Finally I spoke again.
"Sweetie, you'd look fantastic in old jeans and a ratty sweater, you didn't have to spend all that money on a dress to impress me" Sharon just turned a soft sweet smile on me.
"You didn't have to either Brenda, but you did, we both look good and we got the responses we wanted, so let's chalk this up as a successful night for both of us" With that she held up her glass and we tapped our glasses together as we smiled and shared a long, comfortable look, before we were happily dragged back onto the dance floor by Michael and David.
Finally I had to take a break to give my feet a chance to recover, these heels were lovely and I now knew Sharon loved seeing me in high heels, but dancing in four inch stilettoes was a bit more than I was used to,
I was sitting there, chatting to Buzz about what he was going to do with some holiday's he had coming when I noticed Sharon leaning back slightly from a woman who was being a trifle too friendly. She was leaning in and had her hand on Sharon's arm, an eager, somewhat predatory smile directed towards her.
I didn't know why it was bothering me, but I didn't like it and I didn't like the woman. I could see Sharon's happy smile had faded and been replaced by her cool, professional smile, the one she had when we'd first met, when she was unhappy but not going to show it.
That did it, someone was ruining Sharon's night and I wasn't having a bar of it. Before I knew it, I'd made my apologies to Buzz and walked quickly over to where Sharon was standing. I saw the other woman see me approach from behind Sharon, but ignore me, keeping her attention on Sharon. She was speaking as I stepped up.
"…that colour's just right for you Sharon; you look so good in it. Anyway I was wondering if I could ask you for a dance if you're up for it"
I stepped up beside Sharon, placing my hand on the small of her back, causing Sharon to turn quickly. I could feel her relax under my hand and she flashed me a lovely smile.
"Ah Brenda, there you are. This is Lieutenant Suzy Miller, from Vice" I smiled, giving my 'formal' smile a workout.
"Hi, I'm Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson" Suzy just stood there, looking between us, before finally speaking.
"I was just complimenting Sharon on her dress, she looks lovely" I looked at Sharon and smiled a genuine, happy smile at her.
"Oh yes, Sharon looks lovely tonight, but then she looks lovely most nights" About half a second after I'd spoken it suddenly hit me how that must sound. I saw Sharon quirk an eyebrow at me, while Suzy's eyes opened just a little wider. Before she could reply however Sharon stepped in, letting me off the hook.
"Well, Brenda and I work together, very closely together in fact, so she'd know" Looking at Sharon I could see a smile creeping into the corners of her mouth, but she was trying to hold it in. I had a feeling Sharon was going to get mileage about this particular conversation for months.
"I was just asking Sharon if she might like a dance" I tried not to show it, but I suddenly found myself disliking Suzy for no good reason. I nodded, giving my 'formal' smile another go.
"I completely understand and I'm sorry to interrupt, but the Commander and I need to discuss something work-related, so if you'll excuse us please Lieutenant?" Realising she was being dismissed; Suzy nodded and stepped back, smiling at Sharon.
"Perhaps later Sharon" She nodded at me "Nice meeting you Chief" I nodded.
"And you Lieutenant" Sharon smiled.
"Have a good night Suzy" As she turned and walked away Sharon looked at me with a curious expression on her face. "Brenda, is something wrong?" I shook my head as I turned to look at her.
"No, but I thought you needed a save" Her eyebrow quirked again.
"Thank you, but you didn't have to, I could have handled her" I was still feeling annoyed and some of it must have bled into my voice.
"She was hitting on you Sharon" She just looked at me for a moment, her head canted to one side, before speaking.
"Yes she was, but she was being polite about it" He small smile wasn't helping my temper or my self control.
"It didn't matter, she was trying to make a move on you" She looked at me for a moment before she spoke, her voice soft.
"I was always going to turn her down, let her down easily" I nodded, slowly coming to the uncomfortable realisation that I'd behaved like an ass, and still was. I looked away, before speaking softly.
"I'm sorry Sharon, I was stupid, I overreacted" There was silence for a few seconds before her voice came to me, soft and low.
"Brenda Leigh Johnson, were you jealous?" I looked at the floor, embarrassed. It suddenly occurred to me, she was right, I had been jealous, watching Sharon speaking to Suzy I'd let my emotions get the better of me, seeing someone else hitting on her had got me angry.
We weren't even a couple yet and I'd got all macho posturing about Sharon. I must have looked like an idiot, charging in there like a SWAT team and behaved like a fool. Sharon was a grown woman, more than capable of looking after herself and I'd behaved like a right fool.
"Oh god, you were. Brenda, you were, weren't you" I looked down at the floor, biting my lip as the shame flowed through me. I'd been jealous and acted like a possessive, insecure idiot. Sharon's hand came to rest tentatively on my arm, as she spoke, her voice soft and low.
"Brenda, look at me" Reluctantly I looked up, afraid that I'd angered or disappointed her. I wasn't prepared fro the gentle wonder in her eyes. "You were jealous weren't you?" I helplessly nodded; it was nothing but the truth. I saw a slow smile appear as she spoke.
"And protective, you were getting all territorial protecting me" I nodded again, unable to speak. "Brenda…" I had to apologise, let her know I shouldn't have done that, should have trusted her. Besides I didn't have any right to be jealous, we weren't together, not like that.
I wondered if maybe after seeing me behaving like some macho pig she'd change her mind about us.
"I'm sorry Sharon, I'm sorry, I had no right to" Sharon stepped up close, close enough that I could smell her scent, a sweet scent of lilies that I found both alluring and calming.
"Brenda Leigh Johnson, don't you ever apologise for wanting to protect me. It's been a long time since anyone wanted to protect me from being hit on, it's…nice" I glanced up at her, she was smiling at me. I bit my lip for a moment, trying to get my words in order.
"I'm really sorry Sharon, but when I saw her hitting on you, I just got angry, it didn't feel right, all I could see was that you weren't happy and I was thinking how dare she make you unhappy. I just wanted to make her disappear so you could be happy again" Sharon just kept smiling at me, before she leaned in close.
"It's a good thing that we're out here in front of everyone honey, cause if we weren't, I'd be kissing you as hard as I could right now, and I couldn't guarantee that my hands would stay where they should either"
I don't know what hit me harder, her words or the images that accompanied them. Right now I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do more than let her have her way with me. I could feel my cheeks warm at some of the thoughts, before Sharon's gentle laugh brought me back to her.
"Some of your squad are watching us honey, so smile at me please, they're probably thinking I'm embarrassing you. Please?" I swallowed before looking up and smiling at her.
"But you were embarrassing me sweetie, I was thinking about what you were saying and getting all hot and bothered" She smiled a slow, lazy, sensual smile.
"Brenda honey, I have to be honest, I've been thinking about little else since I saw you in that dress" I felt a warm rush, Sharon liked what I had on, as she'd said earlier, 'mission accomplished'.
Before I could say anything more, we were joined by Peter Collins, the head of Tactical Response. I'd heard that Peter was happily married to a former model and had a couple of lovely kids, so I didn't expect any difficulties or unwelcome offers, unlike so many of our visitors. Indeed he was very charming, complimenting us both on how well we looked and admiring Natalie, Maura, Jane and Anastasia as well.
We chatted for a few minutes, before we were joined by Harbour Division's Captain Turner, who was also pleasant company. Together we chatted until Sharon excused herself to go to the bathroom and I looked around for a waiter for a glass of water. Both men excused themselves and I was left there alone for a moment, before I attracted a waiter who passed me a glass of water, I'd had enough to drink and mentally noted that I'd stick to water for the rest of the night.
As I drank, I noticed Natalie and Maura standing there together, smiling happily at something. I felt a warm glow inside, both women had been so good to me, taken me shopping, encouraged my relationship with Sharon, been open and honest with me when I needed it most, I was very lucky to have them as my friends, god knows what I'd done to deserve it.
Strolling over I smiled and stepped between them.
"Ladies, what are you both so happy about?" They both smiled at me before turning to look over the far side of the Major Crimes' table where Jane and Ana were standing chatting to Julio, Andy, Buzz and David and a couple of officers from other divisions, drawn to them like flies to honey. I couldn't hear what was being said, but they had the guys in stitches. Maura leaned in.
"Look at them Brenda, they play down their looks, but they're both beautiful" I nodded, indeed they were. Jane went to greater extremes than Ana to hide it, but neither of them could hide it tonight, they were stunning, what they were wearing tonight had simply allowed that to be seen by everyone. Natalie nodded.
"They don't understand how beautiful they are, say all the attention is directed at Maura and me but they're wrong. If we weren't here, they'd still be the centre of everyone's attention" Maura shook her head slowly.
"How can they not see themselves as everyone else does, how?" I nodded slowly and thought about it for a moment, before speaking softly.
"I think I know why" They both turned to me, their eyes curious. "In the last few weeks I've been privileged to hear about who they are, who you all are in fact, I've learnt a little about what makes them tick" I slowly nodded, things coming together for me as I watched the group in front of us laughing at one of Andy's stories.
"What I believe is that neither of them could see their worth, both had been incomplete before you came into their lives" I glanced across at Maura before continuing.
"Jane needed you to bring love and happiness into her life; before you became a part of her life it was pretty grim and dark, filled with all the stress that comes with the job, but with no one to share the burden. That nightmare with Hoyt must have been horrific; going through it alone would've made it even worse" I looked at Maura, who was nodding slowly. I glanced across at Natalie before looking back at Ana.
"Anastasia was trying to be who she once was, she needed you to heal. She needed you to be who she'd been and be that person again" Natalie looked back at me; a distant look in her eyes, probably remembering how Ana was when they first became lovers.
"In both cases, they were in very dark places, needing help to be whole again. They probably felt they weren't worthy of you, they couldn't see their worth" I pursed my lips, watching the subject of our discussions. Jane looked our way and her smile lit up the room. I smiled in return. "If I had to hazard a guess I'd say that both of them still question their value, how they were worthy of you both"
I looked down into my drink, thinking about what I had to say. Both Maura and Natalie were very still, aware that I had more to say.
"They probably don't see that their worthy of anyone's attention, not compared to the people who mean more than anything to them. They each love women who are amazingly beautiful and attract everyone's attention, they probably feel that's appropriate cause they don't deserve the attention, you do" Natalie looked at me, her voice low.
"I'm who I am today because of her, without her I'd be nothing. How can I make her understand that?" Maura looked at me and nodded, before her eyes returned to Jane.
"Jane is the most beautiful woman I've ever met, not just on the outside, but inside too. No matter how many times I tell her that and how much she has changed me for the better, I know she won't believe me"
I nodded, realising that both Jane and Ana were deeply indebted to Nat and Maura, to the extent that they probably couldn't see that they in any way rated compared to the stunning blondes I was standing between. They saw them as probably unattainable ideals and that they were just grateful to be with them, not understanding that Natalie and Maura were just as desperately grateful to be with them in return.
I shrugged, looking down into my glass.
"I wish I had an answer, but it's up to you. You're going to have to sit them down and tell them everything, make them understand. Good luck with that though, Ana and especially Jane will probably run a mile before they sit down and admit that they're really your equals" Natalie nodded.
"That's it, they don't think that they're our equals do they?" I shook my head.
"Almost certainly not" Maura looked at us both, realisation dawning on her face.
"They don't believe they deserve us, do they?" I tilted my head, watching them across the table as I considered the question.
"No, probably not"
"Damn" It was Nat, her voice soft and low. "Well, that's a project for another night" I saw a meaning-laden look pass between them, at which Maura nodded, then it was gone, Natalie's voice a more normal tone. "Tonight's about having fun, isn't it?"
Maura turned and smiled at me, her dimples appearing. "Yes it is, isn't it Brenda?"
"Course it is, tonight's been amazing" Natalie turned to me, before looking up at Maura, her smile conspiratorial.
"So Brenda, when are you dancing with Sharon" My brain skidded to a screeching halt at the question and it must have shown on my face, causing them both to smile.
"I, um, I'm not sure we can, she probably doesn't want to, I mean, in front of everyone and all…" At my stuttering reply both laughed out loud, catching the attention of the rest of the team, who looked at us curiously. Finally they pulled themselves together before Maura smiled at me.
"Brenda, we would never cause Sharon and yourself any embarrassment in front of your colleagues, you know that" I nodded, as Natalie spoke.
"We've organised something, so give us a moment then follow us out that door" She nodded towards one of the main entrances, as I wondered what the hell they were doing. "Trust me Brenda, it'll be worth it"
With a smile and a pat on the arm they both strolled away and I watched as they made their way over to the group that contained their partners, stepping in with an apology to the group as they leaned in to whisper something to each of their respective lovers, getting nods in return.
With a smile and a teasing look, they took their leave before they sashayed out the door indicated, eyes around the room following them as they departed.
I waited a few seconds to let the interest in their departure pass before following them out, hoping not too many people were watching. I walked out into a corridor, where I found them standing nearby, holding an elevator for me and motioning me to follow them.
Refusing to answer any questions, a short ride took us to the 26th floor, where we exited the elevator and found ourselves walking out onto a large open air terrace surrounding a sunken swimming pool, the pool's underwater lights and the lights of the city the only illumination.
The night was warm and the breeze gentle, not quite brisk enough to be chilly. The sound of soft and gentle modern jazz played out from hidden speakers, the total effect calming and lovely.
I followed them as they strolled out across the terrace and up to a glass railing, looking out over the city. Even though I was intimately familiar with the suffering to be found everywhere here in the 'City of Angels', the sight was still breathtaking. They leaned against the railing, taking the sight in, before Nat looked back at me and indicated I should take a position between them.
I don't know how long we stood there, soaking in the beauty of a million points of lights, the rivers of lights along the freeways, the lights of the jets coming and going from LAX easily visible. I felt myself relaxing, we didn't need words, just soaked up the sights together.
Finally, I heard a faint ding in the distance, which caused Maura to turn to me.
"Brenda, thank you for accepting us and making us feel at home, we feel very comfortable being here, in LA" I smiled.
"Maura, I'm so very glad you and Jane came, you've been both very good to me" Her soft smile was clearly visible in the dim light. Natalie turned to me as well.
"You've been very welcoming to Ana and I as well Brenda. It means a lot to us both, thank you" I felt myself blushing.
"Oh for heaven's sake, you've been wonderful friends, you all have. You've been there when I needed you, helped me in all sorts of ways and made my life a lot more pleasant simply by being my friends. Really I'm the one who should be thanking you, all of you" Natalie's voice was warm and full of smiles.
"Well, I doubt that, but we do have a small gift for you" I heard footsteps behind us, the sound of heels clicking on marble and turned to see Sharon, flanked by Jane and Anastasia, strolling our way and smiling at me. I felt a flutter deep within me, seeing that smile and that look turned upon me.
"We thought you might like the chance to dance with Sharon, I mean, you've danced with everyone but the one you really want to, so we set this up so you could dance together, away from everyone else"
I smiled, as I felt the first touch of tears in my eyes, gazing upon Sharon there, smiling at me with warmth and compassion and tenderness. Whatever did I do to deserve friends like these?
I took a couple of steps forward, Sharon stepping up to meet me, before I felt her arms enfold me, pulling me close. This was the first time I'd held her like this and had her hold me. I could feel the warmth of her skin on mine as she enfolded me in her embrace, it felt so good, it felt like comfort and warmth and love.
It felt like home.
She leaned in gently and kissed me, her lips on mine, gentle and tender, she tasted of strawberries and wine and it was soft and warm and wonderful and it ended way too soon.
I could feel my heart thudding and banging in my chest, more like I'd run a race than holding someone but I couldn't help it, my body reacting to her presence here, what we were doing, what we were going to be doing, now and later.
There was a discreet cough to one side and we reluctantly broke apart to see a waiter walking towards us bearing a tray with six champaign flutes, which he quietly passed to us all, before nodding with a gentle smile and disappearing back into the hotel. I found myself tearing up again at the thoughtfulness of everything they had done for me, for us.
Standing there, an arm around each other, we stood there in the dim light as Natalie and Ana and Jane and Maura joined together and stood there, their arms around their partners and facing together in a small circle with us as we shared happy smiles.
I was so aware of Sharon's body cuddled against me, the warmth of her body where it touched mine and where my arm looped around her waist. I could smell her scent in the air, all sweet and tantalising.
The possessive feel of her arm around me and mine around her, I felt just right, we were together, we may not be officially a couple, but here tonight, we became one together.
Finally Ana spoke softly.
"I know we shared a toast downstairs, but I thought it was good enough to bear repeating here, with a small change, just for us" She raised her glass, as did we all.
"To friendship, love and new beginnings"