Dinner Discussions part 2
Maura's viewpoint
Anastasia was right on time, as I knew she would be, in fact we were counting on it, as Jane would arrive barely ten minutes behind her and we did not want them to know that they were attending the same location.
Standing at a window, I saw her emerge from the car looking stunning; long and lean in her heels and pants while the silver-grey blouse would compliment her eyes.
I turned to Natalie who was standing next to me, taking her in. She looked as lovely as always but I could tell she was as nervous as I. There was a lot at stake tonight, but we both felt we had to do this, for all of our sakes. I smiled at her.
"Well, here goes, wish me luck" She reached out and pulled me into a tight hug, trying to convey all we felt for each other and our lovers into a single gesture, one I returned equally strongly.
I had come to love Natalie, she was, with Alexandra, the sisters I had never had. I knew I could always count on them to be there when I needed them, the same as I would for them. It was not the same as my love for Jane, it was a trust and a comfort and the knowledge that we would always be there for each other. Finally she stood back, her voice a little unsteady.
"Good luck Maura, take care of her for me" I swallowed through the lump in my throat and nodded.
"And please, be gentle with Jane, she's not a big one for showing her emotions" She nodded and we stepped apart before she smiled gently.
"Always"
Picking up my bag of accessories I stepped out into the hall and made my way down the mansion's many corridors, pausing at a full-length hanging mirror to make sure I still looked presentable. Like Natalie I was wearing a white pant suit, with a forest green blouse rather than her electric blue. I tugged my jacket down, making sure there were no creases showing before resuming my journey to an open door and the room where Anastasia awaited.
I knew she could hear my steps on the marble floor, so it was no surprise that Anastasia was looking at the door when I arrived. I smiled at her and strode to the table as she stood in gentle courtesy, looking lovely in her dark suit. I could see the curiosity in her grey eyes as the waiter held my chair as I was seated.
"Good evening Maura" I smiled but said nothing until she was seated and we were left alone as I noted the opened letter from Natalie on the table. I knew what it said; I had helped in drafting it.
"Good evening Anastasia, I am very pleased you could join me tonight" I could see her taking that in and thinking it over.
"I take it Jane and Nat won't be joining us tonight then?" I smiled; she always was quick on the uptake.
"Perhaps later in the evening, but not just yet" She nodded carefully as there was a discreet knock on the door and a waiter entered with a white for Anastasia and a red for me. We smiled at each other as he withdrew, before Anastasia picked up her glass of white and held it up to me in salute.
"So, you and me here tonight, what shall we discuss?" I smiled, saluting her in turn before we both savoured our wine, mine was a nice vintage. I looked over the rim at her, before I smiled.
"How about a woman named Natalie" Anastasia smiled easily in return.
"One of my favourite subjects" I nodded slowly as I placed the wine down on the table next to the small black bag, seeing her eyes flick over it, her curiosity evident but held in check.
"I am sure, a beautiful woman, who has managed to fall in love with someone equally beautiful" Anastasia nodded in return.
"I'm unbelievably fortunate"
"As is she" I could see the gentle shrug as she deflected the praise before smiling softly.
"Anyway, I don't need you trying to turn my head, that's Nat's job" I nodded as she placed her glass back on the table.
"Yes, a shame that you do not believe it, is it not?" Anastasia frowned.
"Remember the old adage, flattery will get you nowhere"
"Perhaps, but not if the flattery, as you put it, is in fact true" Her frown deepened.
"I'm not following you Maura"
"What you call flattery, Natalie and I would call simple truth"
"The truth is Natalie is breathtaking, I'm lucky we're together. I'm blessed, no other word to describe it"
"Breathtaking, an interesting word choice, to take one's breath away. That is what you do to Natalie. She gives thanks everyday that she wakes up next to you, there are times she simply stops and stares at you, while you are asleep or while you are not aware she is doing so, your attention elsewhere, simply to take you in, to remind herself that she is not dreaming and that you are real" Anastasia was looking very uncomfortable.
"Uh, she's my dream come true"
"Yes, she is the stuff of dreams, of fantasy made real, as are you. You have stoked more than your fair share of dreams and fantasies, for Natalie most assuredly and no doubt for many others, both singly and as a couple"
"We look good together, she makes me look good"
"Anastasia, you have a body that gives pause to those who see it, despite your efforts to downplay it, matched with your looks, you are a stunning woman" Anastasia shrugged, looking somewhat embarrassed.
"I try and stay fit, the curves, well they're a bonus and Nat likes them" I smirked, remembering Natalie's enthusiastic description of those same curves.
"Oh indeed she does, having described them to me, at some length, in mouth-watering detail" I could see a small look of surprise pass over Anastasia's face at my words. She was going to hear a lot more this evening before we were done. "Natalie, as she has described it to me, is in fawning, drooling lust with your body, unable to get enough of it"
Anastasia chewed her lip for a moment, not exactly sure what to say. Before she could speak I kept going.
"Natalie also told me that the fact that the woman she is so deeply in love with is so beautiful makes her unbelievably grateful. As you are aware, Natalie loves you, she loves the amazing person that you are inside, the stunning person on the outside is a very happy bonus for her" She smiled nervously; I could tell I was pulling her outside her comfort zone.
"I just want her to be happy" I smiled, 'of course you do'.
"Oh she is my friend, very, very happy. The fact is though that the beauty on the outside is but a pale reflection of the person on the inside. Natalie is in awe that she loves and is loved by someone so wonderful"
"We're both lucky we found each other, we make each other complete, same as you and Jane" I smiled.
"That you do, there is one thing I do envy about Natalie and your relationship though" Her eyes widened in surprise.
"What the hell would you envy about us; you two are amazingly good together" I smiled.
"Thank you, we are that. However we wasted so much time, dancing around our feelings, afraid of our attraction. We wasted three years Anastasia; unlike you and Natalie; you went from first meeting to admitting your love in four months" Anastasia made a 'helpless' gesture with her hands.
"Those four months felt like four years. I wanted her as my friend, never thought we'd have more. I was stunned when Natalie told me that night she wanted me, I'd never thought I'd have a chance with her" I tilted my head to one side, taking her in.
"May I ask why not?" Anastasia looked perplexed, as if it was self-evident.
"Because she's so beautiful, why'd she possibly want me? She could've had anyone, but somehow she chose me. I still don't really understand exactly what she saw that made me the one for her, not compared to so many other people" I shook my head sadly.
"Your modesty is refreshing, but misplaced. Natalie found in you the partner she had been looking for, the one who saw past the looks to see the person inside. You were the first person to do that. Everyone else wanted the beautiful woman; you wanted the whole Natalie, good and bad" Anastasia shook her head abruptly.
"She's all good, there's no bad in her"
"Natalie would beg to disagree with you"
"I don't think there's bad in her" She held up her hand, stilling me. "Yes I know, that's my opinion, but it's what I feel" I frowned slightly; this was going to be a challenge.
"You also stated that you couldn't see what someone so beautiful could see in you. Did it ever occur to you that Natalie thought the same thing about you? What someone as beautiful, strong and dedicated as you could see in someone like her?"
"I'm the lucky one, she's beautiful, at my best I'm kinda pretty on a good day" I couldn't help it, rolling my eyes at her words.
"You and Jane are far more alike than you might think. You both downplay your beauty, especially compared to Natalie and I, quite frankly I have to say it is ridiculous the extent to which both of you deny your value" She lifted an eyebrow at me.
"What do you mean?"
"Natalie and I are of the firm opinion that you and Jane are both truly beautiful women, at least our equal, perhaps even more" I watched her eyes widen in surprise.
"There is no way that I'm your equal; or Nat's, both of you are stunning"
"As are you" She shook her head adamantly.
"Not like her, not like you" I sat back and steepled my fingers as I looked over them at her.
"Well, we both disagree. At the very least, you are our equals, but where Natalie and I have to work at it, with clothes and makeup and hair and all the artifices of the beauty industry, you and Jane do it through natural looks, power and an inner strength that I am in awe of" Anastasia leaned forward, surprise evident on her face.
"Maura, you're stunning, you look beautiful anytime, when you put your mind to it, like at the Ball, you're amazing" She shrugged. "As for Natalie, well she's just…Nat. What can I say?" I smiled; she had given me an opening.
"Let me take you back to the Ball then Anastasia, seeing as you raised it. I was standing there with Natalie and Brenda, we were admiring you both, Jane in that lovely red gown, you in that wonderful white dress. You were stunning, we all agreed on that, but it wasn't just us." I reached forward and picked up my glass, taking a small sip of wine to moisten my lips before continuing.
"As we watched, you and Jane captivated a group of men, some from Major Crimes and others from different sections of the LAPD. They were not drawn to Natalie and I, they were pulled to Jane and you. You drew them to you both because you have a power, a presence about you. Charisma, Anastasia, is what you both have; natural charisma. Others are drawn to it, to both of you, I was, Natalie was and those officers were; it's what you do" She snickered.
"Mostly what drew them to us was that they were single men and we were standing there. It had very little to do with charisma and lots to do with them thinking with their dicks" I tilted my head to regard her.
"If that was true, why did they not approach Natalie and I? Based on what you are saying they should have bypassed both of you and come to us, but they did not"
"Maybe they thought you and Natalie were out of their league, which you are" I could see we were going around in circles about this; perhaps another tack was in order.
"In this case I would beg to disagree with you; however we were discussing why Natalie is besotted with you, why you are the one who, of all the men and women who have pursued her, she has willingly chosen to be her soul mate, to be together with for the rest of your lives"
"Like I said, I'm blessed. Same as Jane is to love you" I smiled at her words.
"Both of you are strong and powerful. You have both survived things that might have broken a lesser person"
I regarded her for a moment, pleased to have this time to be with her without distraction, I had admired Anastasia even before Natalie and I spoke, after hearing all that Natalie knows and feels for her, I respect and admire her even more now, for a life lived in pursuit of the right thing no matter what.
"In your case two war zones, the scorn of your peers for doing what was right during the Abu Ghraib trials, walking away from your chosen career with the army because it was the correct thing to do, then building a new one with the FBI. And that was before you nearly lost your life trying to catch that criminal in Seattle" She pulled a wry face.
"Not exactly one of my finer moments"
"Perhaps, but you were once again doing what you felt was right" She shook her head.
"No, not really, if I'd done what was right I'd have waited for backup, for my partner to catch up, instead of charging in like a damned fool" I sat back to regard her.
"You did what had to be done, under the circumstances" Her answer was a surprise.
"I actually cost us the investigation. If I hadn't had to kill him, we would have found out who was the next person in that chain, maybe found out where they were taking the missing girls and found some more of them. The truck driver later confessed that he'd brought more than a dozen girls to Seattle, we never found any of them"
"Did anyone blame you for what happened there?"
"I did, I lay in that room in the hospital and realised that I'd fucked it all up, nearly got killed and messed up the investigation all at the same time" I raised an eyebrow at her.
"Did others express that opinion to you?" Anastasia looked away.
"They didn't have to, I did and that's all that matters"
"I think that you are being excessively hard on yourself. If you had waited for backup, then the suspect may well have escaped, leaving you without the next link in the evidence chain"
"We may have caught up with him later" I realised what Natalie had said about some unresolved issues, Anastasia was a perfectionist, she never accepted anything other than her best and she felt she had not delivered her best in something so important. Unfortunately I doubt it was something I could resolve tonight.
"You may not have either, however if we are to descend into suppositions and what might have been then we could be here all night and be no closer to resolving anything, could you agree with that?" She glanced down at the table for a moment, before slowly looking up.
"I guess" I changed tack.
"That incident, no matter how it may or may not have played out differently, had a major consequence for both Natalie and yourself, did it not" She winced.
"Yeah, I scared her, terrified her actually, showed her the risks of being involved with a cop"
"Perhaps, you also showed Natalie just how important you were to her, how much you mean to her"
"She's everything to me, the thought of losing her was scary, I didn't want to do that to her again"
"In turn Natalie found the thought of losing the person she had waited all her life to find utterly horrifying. To have had your love, your support, the centrality of your presence and intimacy in her life, then to have to contemplate that being removed, gone forever, is it any wonder she eventually fell apart?"
I could see Anastasia was no longer with me for a moment, looking back into a very unpleasant past, a place filled with bad memories. I tried yet another tack.
"Anastasia, why do you think Natalie is often so desperately frenzied when making love to you? It's because she has seen what life without you would be like, that thought terrifies her. Every time that you make love to her, it is an affirmation that you are with her, alive, loving, hers" Anastasia looked terribly uncertain.
"Uh, Maura, I'm not sure…"
"Natalie and I have spent a lot of time together recently, learning all we can about both Jane and yourself. Natalie has told me about you, the good, the bad, the public and the private you. I have been privileged to learn about the strong, honourable and fearless woman you are, it makes me appreciate just how fortunate Natalie is to be worthy of your love" She frowned.
"Hey, I'm the one who has to be worthy of her "
"Natalie does not believe that for a moment, you made her a better person, made her want to change to be someone worthy of you, someone you would be willing to accept as your partner, your lover and your soulmate"
"Nat didn't have to change for that, she was always someone special, she didn't need me for that" I shrugged.
"Natalie's life was stagnant until she met you, yes she had a career as a journalist, but it was not a life choice that she believed was making a difference. She felt that she was marking time and that eventually, if she was lucky, she would meet a man she would love, becoming a mother and settling down to raise 2.5 children" I shrugged.
"That was the good option. The one she feared was that she would end up as a newsreader or program host on television, employed for her looks, not her intellect and be a trophy wife to a rich man who came home between times spent with his secretary or his mistress, trapped in a sterile, loveless marriage."
At Anastasia's appalled look, I spread my hands in a gesture.
"Apparently that is not unknown in her industry, with the inordinate emphasis on looks that accompanies it" Anastasia shook her head vehemently.
"Nat's not like that at all, she's way better than that"
"At the time she met you Natalie would have disagreed with your assessment. Instead into her life stormed a dashing, passionate and beautiful FBI agent and suddenly her world turned upside down, never to be the same again" Anastasia coloured slightly.
"Well we were there for each other; that siege was what brought us together" I nodded agreeably
"Yes it was, but it was not what kept you together, was it? What kept you together was that you were stronger together than separately" Anastasia nodded slowly.
"We complimented each other. She brought light and happiness back into my life"
"And what do you think Natalie received from you in return?"
"Someone to love her, keep her grounded, someone to be there when she needed it" I couldn't help it; I burst out laughing at her words, getting a perplexed look from Anastasia. Finally I subsided.
"Oh Anastasia, how can someone as intelligent and observant as you be so blind? I swear you and Jane are so alike I find it uncanny"
"What do you mean?"
"Sometimes you are too busy putting yourselves down that you cannot see the truth in front of you, just like Jane" Her face screwed up in confusion, which I found quite adorable.
"I'm not following you"
"Quite obviously; the reason we are having this discussion tonight, rather than being with our respective lovers, is that while at the Ball, Brenda, Natalie and I became aware of the disconnect between how you see yourselves and how we and the rest of the world see you" I held up my hand to forestall her immediate denial. "In particular the disparity between how you see Natalie and Jane sees me on one hand and how we see you on the other" Anastasia sat back, watching me, curiosity evident in her striking grey eyes.
"Go on" I smiled.
"Natalie is having a similar discussion with Jane right now, one I hope goes well, given Jane's almost pathological inability to see her worth I do hope she succeeds. Fortunately I have every faith in Natalie, Jane trusts her and she adores Jane in return" I leaned back as Anastasia took in my words.
"The same way I adore you, you are a wonderful person Anastasia, one I am privileged to call my friend" She blushed, obviously embarrassed by my words.
"I'm the one who's privileged, you and Jane are wonderful people and great friends" I smiled.
"And right there you demonstrate the problem. You do not see that you are someone who everyone wants to know, to be close to and to be friends with"
"That's Natalie, she's the magnetic one; I'm the one who comes as part of the package. They see her and they want to be close to her, that means that they have to accept me as part of the deal" I sighed, loudly.
Part of me just wanted to get Anastasia and shake her, to make her see, how could she be so blind? I sighed again, much softer this time. Natalie had told me that Anastasia had a lot of denial to overcome.
"If that is true, why do the men in Major Crimes so enjoy your company? They have worked more closely with you than Natalie since you have arrived. The same is true of other areas across the LAPD; I hear the comments about you around the headquarters and across the department"
"Well, that's just gossip"
"Anastasia, I do not just sit in the morgue all day waiting for bodies to arrive, I visit areas across the LAPD, I lecture, train others on correctly dealing with the deceased at crime scenes plus I consult and advise, during which I talk to people across all levels of the department, somewhat similar to the way Natalie does. We hear similar things, I hear the comments about you, she about Jane"
"Well, I suppose it's to be expected, cops with too much time on their hands and nothing better to do"
"They find you attractive, hardly a surprise. However they also find you approachable, you speak to each officer, irrespective of their rank as an equal, not talking down to them, nor do you brush them off, instead giving freely of your time and expertise. You willingly offer your help and assistance across the Department" I took another small sip of wine before continuing.
"Your willingness to go that extra distance to make the full resources of the FBI available has been noted and is much appreciated"
"It's what I do, that's my job"
"Yes it is, but your commitment to excellence, to never giving less than your best at whatever you do, is a part of you, a part that Natalie deeply admires. It is one of the things that drew her to you when you first became friends" She shrugged, downplaying my words.
"It's what I was taught as a kid, if you don't give 100% then don't bother" I raised an eyebrow.
"But you do, do you not? To your work, your life and to Natalie"
"Of course I do, she's worth it"
"A sentiment that Natalie returns, you are worth everything to her, worth enough for her to do anything necessary to ensure you remain a central part of your life together" Anastasia gave me a half smile.
"We love each other"
"That you do, it is obvious to everyone who watches you both, your love for Natalie is only matched by her love for you, your commitment to each other is enviable"
"Hey, no need to envy us, you and Jane have the same thing going" I smiled.
"That we do, however there is one thing I do envy Natalie about" Anastasia smiled gently.
"What would that be?"
"She tells me that you can be a remarkably sensual, uninhibited lover, something that I hope Jane will become" She frowned at that.
"You have got to be kidding me. I heard you and Jane together that night, from the screams you were making there's no way she's not good in bed" I smiled at the memory of that night. "See, look at you, it's written on your face, you sure as hell have no complaints there" I laughed.
"Generally no, however I was the one who introduced Jane into many of the things we now enjoy, Jane had a quite repressed upbringing sexually, bringing her out of her shell, so to speak, has been one of my duties as her partner, one of the more pleasurable ones actually" Anastasia smirked knowingly.
"I'm sure it has been"
"But Jane is still quite repressed sexually; she is quite insecure with my acceptance of anything she may wish to experiment with, whereas I am quite willing to try almost anything at least once" I noticed Anastasia's smile change slightly and wondered at it.
"Given some of the things she was moaning that night, I'd believe that, something about how good your tongue was. Seems like Jane has no problems letting you do whatever you want" I narrowed my eyes at Anastasia, wondering what she was up to.
"As I said, Jane has become much more open in the time we have been together. By the time we have been together as long as Natalie and yourself, I have no doubt that she will be as uninhibited as you"
"Natalie makes it easy, making her happy is all that matters, something I'm sure Jane would say about you. God knows she made you happy enough that night. We want a rematch too by the way" I raised an eyebrow, 'oh did they now…'.
"Really, I thought we were happy enough to call it a draw?" I smiled, as Anastasia raised an eyebrow in return.
"Best two out of three?" I smiled even wider at her enthusiasm.
"I would welcome another night like that, although I suspect that this time we may have company"
"Ah yes, Sharon and Brenda, Nat told me. That'll be interesting"
"Indeed, I hope that they are not put off by what we may be doing" Anastasia laughed.
"I don't think so, we found it pretty inspirational actually, hopefully they will too"
I suddenly realised what Anastasia was doing. She had managed to shift the focus of our time together from her to a more general discussion. Natalie had told me that Anastasia was skilled at this, no doubt from much practise on her over the years. I smiled.
"You are very good at that Anastasia" My sudden change of topic caught her by surprise.
"What exactly?"
"Deflection, we were talking about you"
"Ah, enough of that, let's talk about more interesting things"
"Very well then, let us talk about Anastasia the lover, the woman who has made Natalie remarkably happy and content" I could tell she was uncomfortable with where the discussion was going, but I thought it might put her off balance enough to allow me to take the upper hand.
"I work hard to make sure she has no complaints"
"I can attest that Natalie indeed has no complaints, in fact she sings your praises, your ability to leave her completely and utterly devastated after a wild night of passion is…enviable" Her cheeks flushed, however before she could interrupt I continued, eager to put her on the back foot.
"Natalie had numerous male sexual partners, a description which I use very carefully, before she met you Anastasia. Some were good, some bad, one or two were exceptionally skilled at satisfying her. Then you arrived and almost as soon as you became lovers you redefined what Natalie understood as skilled" I smiled broadly as Anastasia swallowed nervously.
"You can have her wet and wanting with a loaded glance, with a few whispered words have her begging you to fuck her, desperately screaming your name in the throes of passion, you were everything she had looked for in a lover" She turned her gaze down at the table, before looking up at me nervously.
"I had good reason to make her happy, I still do, her happiness is everything to me"
"She would say the same thing about you. That is why she has never once said no to any of the things you have suggested that you both do over the years, all she wants is to make you happy"
"Nat's a wonderful lover, giving, loving, generous, she could make anyone happy"
"I'm sure; she would suggest that she has come far under your tutelage, your guidance"
"She was wonderful, I didn't do much" I smiled to myself; that was not what Natalie had disclosed, some of her descriptions had been quite…explicit, not to mention arousing; quite obviously Anastasia had a wickedly inventive, kinky streak. I had every intention of pursuing some of those experiences with Jane in the future.
"Indeed, but with you, you are the one who suggests many of the things you do together are you not?" Anastasia looked a little nervous; on her it looked quite lovely.
"Well, I had a bit more experience when we started, with women anyway"
"Something Natalie happily admits, she also admits that you have unleashed much of her wilder side. Weren't you the one who introduced her to toys, bondage, role play, some aspects of fetish play and the like?" I watched as she blushed, not exactly sure how much we had discussed.
"Natalie has stated that she loves everything that you have taught her and that your skill and knowledge have made her a better lover"
"She was pretty damned good to start with"
"Once again Natalie would disagree. She wouldn't have recognised nipple clamps or ben wah balls or a feeldoe when she first met you, let alone been happy buying them for you as a surprise, or using them together" Anastasia's cheeks flared red.
"Oh. Um, well…"
"Embarrassed, really? Oh Anastasia please, we are both grown, experienced women. Besides, based on Natalie's descriptions I am rather jealous of her, you are an exceptional lover, one that satisfies her every need" She shrugged, trying to make light of my words.
"That's both my job and my pleasure"
"And hers as well, from what she has told me" Anastasia sat back with her hands clenched in front of her, as she looked at me levelly over her clasped fingers.
"Maura, what exactly did you two talk about?"
"As I said, you, the things that Natalie loves about you, the reasons that she gives thanks every day for the amazing good fortune that gifted you to her, the desperate hunger she has for you and the eternal gratitude that she has for the simple fact that you love her"
Anastasia's mouth dropped open for a moment before she gathered her wits.
"She's everything I ever hoped and dreamed for, she's a wish come true, I'm humbled to be hers"
"Almost as much as Natalie is to belong to you heart and soul; as you may recall I asked you earlier what Natalie receives from you in return for her love?" Anastasia's reply was drawn out and questioning.
"Yes…?"
"Natalie has spoken to me at length about what she receives from you that makes her love you more than life itself. She receives your pure, unconditional love; you love all of her, including the parts that no one else sees, the fears, the flaws, her issues and insecurities"
I held up a finger, cutting off her reply.
"In addition, you have allowed her to be there for you Anastasia; you have always been the strong independent woman, never asking for help, never accepting it, always making your own, lone way through life. But you chose to let her in, allowed her to be the one that you opened up to, let her see you vulnerable and hurt and needing" Anastasia was utterly silent.
"Natalie is the only person you ever let see you like that, she is in awe of your strength, not the strength that you possess that carries through your day to day life, but the strength that allows you to be vulnerable and raw and open with her. The love you have to let her see you like that, well that breaks her heart, it also makes her love you over and over again"
Anastasia swallowed before she went to speak, her voice thick with emotion.
"I had to Maura; Natalie proved to me that I didn't have to face everything alone. No one else cared enough to want to help me shoulder the burden. She saw a hole inside me and filled it with her love, made me whole again, I was a mess when we first met, I'm who I am today because of her"
"And she is who she is today because of you. You gave her a life to be proud of, doing something meaningful with her life, trying to make a difference. You gave her a reason to be someone she wasn't, but wanted to be. Each day she strives to be the person she needs to be, to be worthy of you, to be worthy of your love"
Anastasia looked down at the table, obviously taking in what we'd discussed.
"She's more than worthy, every day I look at her and wonder how I got so lucky, to have someone so good love me" I smiled; I felt we were finally making progress.
"The same as she does with you. You are everything that Natalie has ever wanted" I shook my head. "No, you are far more than she wanted. You filled every criterion for the lover she dreamed of, but you were far more than that. You have expanded her horizons of what love is, made her see that love is much more than she had ever imagined"
I could see Anastasia was searching for the right response, instead I pressed on before she could try and deflect away again.
"Natalie changed who she was; who she could be, to be the person worthy of you. You made her a better person, more caring, more selfless, more responsible and more compassionate. Natalie is who she is today because of you Anastasia" I smiled. "Natalie told me that almost word for word last night, how can you deny that truth?" Anastasia looked down at the floor, her voice soft.
"She didn't have to change anything, she was perfect already"
"Anastasia, that's the voice of your love for her speaking. You love her so much that there was no need for her to change, in your eyes she was already worthy of your love, but not in Natalie's. She had fallen in love with someone so wonderful, so amazing, that simply being with you made her want to change, to be a better person. You, through your example, made that happen"
"But why, she didn't have to change" She shook her head. "I loved her as she was"
"Natalie changed because she needed to be worthy of you, to know that you approved of her" I held up my hand. "I understand that you did not think that necessary, but you have to understand the situation from Natalie's viewpoint. You are everything that she ever sought in a person; the fact that you were a woman meant less to her than the fact that you were everything admirable and desirable in a life mate.
"What are you trying to say Maura?" I smiled.
"I am telling you that as much as you believe you are not worthy of her, Natalie believes she is not worthy of your love" As I expected Anastasia's denial was quick.
"Of course she is, she deserves it, she deserves to be loved, cherished"
"Yes she does, the same way you are worthy of her love. You are both destined for one another, both need each other to be all you can be, who you should be. You each make the other a better person, you make each other whole"
"All I've ever wanted is to make her happy"
"Exactly the same as Natalie's hope for you, your happiness is her primary concern"
"She didn't have to change anything, she was already perfect"
"Perfect for you, as you are perfect for her" Anastasia was silent for a period, I let her be to think, I could tell she was starting to realise what I was getting at. Finally she spoke.
"So you're saying that we need to be together?"
"I'm saying you have to be together. It is obvious that you have eyes for no one other than Natalie, she in turn, for all her flirtatious banter, could no more consider being with anyone other than you, such is your love for each other. You are each less than whole apart, only complete together" She nodded slowly.
"So my insecurities are the problem?"
"Partly, you doubt your worthiness to be Natalie's lover; she in turn has doubts about her worth to be yours. Natalie has always striven to live up to the ideals she has envisioned you deserve in a lover. In the same way you have always striven to be everything Natalie needs in a soul mate, both of you so wrapped up in trying to be perfect for each other that you do not see that you already are everything you have both sought out all your life" Anastasia sat there, gazing at me for a while, taking it in. Finally I spoke.
"Jane and I watched you, from the moment we saw you together, we realised you have a love so deep as to almost defy description. Each willing to die for the other, which is why you live each day for each other"
"Natalie is the most important thing in the world to me, nothing else matters compared to her" I sat back, feeling a broad smile break out.
"That is almost exactly the words that Natalie used to me not so long ago; you are the only important thing in the world to her" I leaned forward, eager to hammer home the point.
"You both have to simply understand that neither of you have to strive to meet the others expectations, both of you have already far exceeded anything you could have ever sought in a lover. You each seek to be the others perfection, but you already are"
Anastasia sat for a moment, opening her mouth to say something, then closing it, obviously reconsidering her response. I could see her eyes narrow in thought as she took in what I had said, considering it, the implications, thinking them through.
She sat there for a long while; I could feel the minutes pass as I let her think. This was not something I could hurry; she had to process this herself. I sipped my wine as she pondered, before she finally looked up, catching my eye.
"You're saying Natalie wants to be worthy of me, the same as I want to be worthy of her, but we already are"
"Yes you are" She nodded slowly, clearly thinking it through.
"So what now?"
"You need to accept that you and Natalie are equals, you are in every way each other's compliment, your personalities, your looks, your attitudes, outlooks and your physical attributes are a matched set" I smiled at her.
"Individually, both of you are strong, beautiful and accomplished women, attracting admiration and envy from all who you meet. Together however, you are a devastating combination, you both shine brighter together. People who meet you as a couple are almost intimidated that two women so special can be even more special together" Anastasia was blushing furiously at the praise, drawing a chuckle. "You also need to learn to accept honest compliments"
"One step at a time Maura, one step at a time" I smiled at her words.
I knew we hadn't covered everything that I might have hoped, but we had made much progress tonight and for that I was grateful. Perhaps it was time to draw the curtain down on this act and up on the next.
"So Anastasia, shall we go and see what Natalie and Jane are up to?" She smiled and stood easily, stepping around the table to hold my chair for me as I stood.
"Of course, I'm sure they had as interesting an evening as we did" I smiled as her wording could be taken multiple ways, I was sure it was intended that way, as her swift grin attested.
"I'm sure they did" I stood there for a moment smiling at her, taking her in, so lovely, inside and out, Natalie was so blessed. She was so much like Jane, which reminded me…
"There is one more thing I would like to say Anastasia" She turned and smiled softly at me, her voice warm.
"Yes?"
"I am quite sure that if we had met each other, before we met Natalie and Jane, I would have been drawn to you. You share many of the traits that Jane possesses, the things that drew me to her, would have attracted me to you" She considered it for a moment.
"I don't think so, what you and Jane have is special"
"As is what you and Natalie have together. What I have that is special is that I was attracted to a woman who is strong, passionate, dominant, loving and caring. It all sounds rather like Natalie's description of you actually"
"Why don't we agree that we both love very special women and leave it at that?" I smiled gently at her.
"As you wish" We shared a moment before I leaned forward on an impulse, kissing her and drawing a soft, shy smile in return.
"Thank you Maura"
"No Anastasia, thank you, for loving Natalie and for being our friend"
"It's truly my privilege and honour" I ducked my head at her words, we were so fortunate to have both Natalie and Anastasia in our lives.
"Let us go and find our lovers"
"Incidentally Maura…" I looked up at her enquiring tone. "What's in the black bag" She motioned to where I had hung it from my wrist.
I smiled at her honest curiosity. "Something I'm sure Natalie will take great pleasure in showing you, perhaps later tonight" She nodded slowly, peering at me from half lidded eyes. Finally she nodded decisively.
"Well let's go find them, before they get into any more trouble" I laughed.
"Oh Anastasia, how much more trouble could those two get into?" She just looked at me, one eyebrow rising. I laughed even harder as I considered what I'd said."Good point; let's go get them"
At that Anastasia wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me close as we strode forward, laughing together, out of the room and into the rest of our night.