So you guys thought you were going to get the Emma/Neal conversation this chapter, huh? Insert evil-maniacal laughter here.
But I think this will more than make up for it. PREPAIR YOUR FEELS. This one drained me just writing it. I almost quit 2/3 of the way through to play Sims3 just to give my poor, breaking heart a rest. But no. I had promised myself that I would not touch my new expansion packs until you guys had this chapter. (Black Friday deal—buy directly from Sims website and get half off. I got the last three for about the cost of one. And my family wonders why I have no life. Lol.)
Next chapter is the conversation. I promise.
As always, enjoy and let me know what you think.
For the first time in a long time Neal slept peacefully. Perhaps there was some truth to what Henry had said about the candle, or perhaps he was just too exhausted to dream. Either way, that night he had the best night's sleep since before he drove Emma away.
That didn't stop him from waking to a living nightmare.
Neal had known that Henry had a bad habit of skipping school but, besides the fact that Henry was ten and school tended to be kind of important in this world, he really hadn't had much of a problem with it…until now. When Henry didn't show up for class this morning, everyone kind of figured he had just skipped again but no one could fathom why.
It had taken two hours for them to check everywhere he could possibly be and the answer had shaken him to his bones.
And that was how he, Emma, her parents, Regina, and a few family friends all found themselves huddled together in Snow's kitchen, trying to come up with some plain to save the boy.
"So this Cora, how bad is she really?" Neal asked dreading the answer.
"My mother's something out of you worst nightmare." Regina spat, not even bothering to hide the anger in her voice. A part of Neal wanted to snap back, to tell her that everyone being at each other's throats wasn't going to help Henry, but he didn't. Everyone here was trapped in the same horror story.
Neal's stomach turned. His nightmares were pretty bad and there was no way she could know that. But that wasn't the point. Worse or not, it was still obviously a situation he never wanted Henry to be in.
"Blue," David said, looking over to where Reul Ghorm stood, "how long were you able to get the barrier down for?"
"Twelve hours, at most."
The barrier that kept most in the town limits was one of their biggest challenges to finding him. Because crossing the line would wipe any memory of the enchanted forest from the minds of those cursed, it severally limited just who could be in the rescue party.
Almost everyone here would have gladly made that sacrifice, but it would have defeated the purpose and by all accounts, Neal, Emma, August, and Regina just weren't going to be enough to defeat this witch.
It was David's idea to go to Reul, to see what she could do to help and, as always, she had come through. It had been close, but she had had somehow managed to wrangle up enough magic to temporarily punch a hole in the veil dividing this world from the next.
"And what happens if we are still outside when if falls back into place?" Emma's mother asked with a determined note to her voice. She didn't give a rat's ass either way, but she still wanted to be prepared.
Reul looked down. "I can't say, maybe nothing…"
She trailed off and everyone could fill in the rest.
"Or maybe we lose our memories?" Red said, bracing herself. She, like Snow, had already made her choice and Neal was touched to find that Henry was so truly loved by so many people. People who weren't even related to him.
"It doesn't matter. That's a risk we have to take." David said.
"How will you even find them? Couldn't they could be anywhere?" Belle asked.
Some in the rescue party had been surprised when she showed up to help—mostly it was Regina and those who didn't know her. Even if few knew it, Belle was just as involved as the rest of them.
Emma turned to Reul, her one track mind for emotions set on anger. "Can't we use fairy dust or something to find him?"
Reul shook her head remorsefully. "We used it all bringing down the barrier."
They could probably find more in the mines, but there wasn't time to look. Whatever they were going to do, it had to be soon. It had to be before Cora lost patience with using him as bait; before she could do anything that would hurt Henry.
Emma turned to Regina but didn't have a chance to say anything.
"I have nothing left. I used it all to help bring it down." Regina seemed so completely broken by the truth—they all were.
Neal knew Emma. Her reaction was more frustration then anything but that didn't help the situation any. "You can honestly expect me to—"
"If you think for one moment, Miss Swan," she hissed getting in Emma's face, "that I wouldn't do anything in my power to save my son—"
"Alright," Snow said stepping in between her daughter and her stepmother (Neal had stopped trying to figure out this fucked up family tree), "this isn't helping anyone."
"What about Gold?" Ruby asked, bringing the conversation back to the issue.
Regina snorts.
"We've already asked and he refused." David said, giving her an unamused look.
"I wouldn't be surprised if he had something to do with all this to begin with just to get the barrier down. He's had some sort of trip planed since before the curse was even broken."
Regina's words sent chills down Neal's spine. This was just another thing that rested with him. As if the curse wasn't bad enough. As if forcing him to give up Emma wasn't enough. Now it was Henry… Rumplestiltskin would not rest until every pure thing in Neal's life was nothing but ash, would he?
"I've tried stalling him by reminding him that I have family here—that it would be unfair to force me to choose—but he's been waiting for this for so long…" Belle said, trying to explain without betraying either man's trust. Neal was touched that she had gone through such lengths to keep his secret—that she had risked damaging her relationship with Gold for him, but that didn't change a thing. That didn't save Henry.
"What does he want?" Snow asked and Belle looked uncomfortable, unsure how much truth she could tell without skirting far too close to a truth that wasn't hers to tell.
"He's been looking for something for a long time—something that escaped into this realm—and that's all he's wanted since." She sighed and Neal could tell how much she hated having to make excuses for the old man. "He's so focused on getting it that he doesn't want to risk the chance that the barrier won't fall again."
"That's what this entire curse has been about? Finding this?" Regina hissed in disgust at the thought that all this pain, all this destruction was all rooted in Gold's desire to find some trinket. Neal felt the same way; he had since the moment he heard of the curse.
David's head swiveled over to face Regina. "What?"
"I may have enacted the cures but I didn't create it. That was all him."
Belle nodded and looked directly at Neal. "And he won't rest until he gets it."
Neal could hear the message behind it all; it was something he had known since the beginning of the conversation, but he had hoped that there was another way—any way. But there wasn't. Of course not, because that would mean that, for once, the world was working in his favor and that just didn't happen.
Ruel and August shared a loaded look. They knew as well as he did what was going to happen next, because as much as Neal hated Rumplestiltskin, as much as he never wanted to have this conversation, he loved his son more. He wasn't going to let his cowardice and fear cost him the best thing in his life.
Neal pursed his lips and hopped down from where he was sitting on the counter.
"Where are you going?" Emma asked, as he reached the door. At the sound, his hand stilled over the knob.
"This ends now." Neal said not turning around. He shouldn't have been surprised at the shear venom in his voice but he was and he knew he wasn't the only one to notice it.
"Are you sure this is what you want to do?" August asked. He wasn't trying to be a dick, Neal knew that, but the puppet already knew the answer and Neal didn't have the patience to deal with stupid ass questions right now. Not when the only thing that stood between him and his son was the very thing that had haunted his nightmares since his fourteenth birthday.
"I don't really have a choice," he growled, his hand still on the knob.
"Alright Neal, what the hell?" Emma asked.
Neal's shoulders slumped and he turned to face her. If anyone was owed answers, it was her, and he would have told her everything—hell it had already been on his to do list for today—but there was no time. Not when that witch could be doing who knows what to Henry.
"Remember how I told you I was born in that world? Let's just say I know what he wants and where it is."
It was all the explanation he could give her—all he could say without leading to more questions that he just didn't have the time to answer.
"Neal?" Belle asked.
Neal paused, door open and he half through it and looked back at her. At the woman that meant so much to his father…at the woman that was far more then he deserved.
"Try not to be too rough with him, will you?"
Neal didn't bother hiding his snort as he walked out the door, leaving the confused masses in his wake. The sad part was that, had it been any other time and under any other circumstances, Neal would have at least tried to heed her request. He owed her that much for her silence and yet he wasn't going to lie to her or to himself and say he'd try.
There was just too much left unsaid, too much bad blood…and the stakes were just too high this time.
Now it was war.
It was odd. Neal had dreaded this moment since he had heard of the curse—since he realized that eventually his past would come knocking—and had always imagined a plethora of hesitation when the moment came. But now that the reckoning was upon him, there was none. Every nerve sung with righteous fury, deep seated pain, and even deeper disgust.
He entered the shop and stayed close to the door as he watched Gold hurriedly pack a suitcase. Neal didn't bother wondering what Gold could need from this shop or what bit of magic was so important to him. Neal just didn't care.
The little bell over the door had jingled, so Neal knew Gold wasn't oblivious to him being there, but the old man had given no indication that he cared. He knew what Neal was here for and had no care to help.
"Did you have anything to do with it?" Neal asked, not really caring about the answer.
Gold's hand pauses only briefly over the case as he turned to look at Neal.
"Pardon?"
"Henry," Neal spat "Did you have anything to do with that witch getting him?"
"I'm sorry about your boy Mr. Cassidy—truly I am…"
Neal held up a hand, cutting him off. There wasn't time for this shit.
"You know what, I don't want to know. I guess the real question is what makes you think he wants to be found?"
The words came tumbling out of his mouth before his could stop them—before he could really think about how it would sound to Gold—but it was something Neal had wanted to ask for eleven years. Something that had haunted him since hearing about the curse.
"Henry?" Gold asked, confused, and as Neal replayed the sentence in his mind he could understand the mix up.
It was time to take the kid gloves off. It was time to bring up a ghost Neal thought he had long ago buried.
"Baelfire." The word tasted bitter on his tongue, like the coppery taste of blood after getting punched in the face by a pro wrestler.
Gold stilled and he turned to look at Neal, his eyes narrowed. "I don't know what Booth has told you."
Now it's Neal's turn to be confused but he brushed the comment off. This wasn't about August. "August didn't have to tell me anything."
Despite the centuries of perfecting his poker face, Neal could still see right through to the emotions lingering deep within the older man's heart…to him, the Imp was as easy to read as he had been during the good times before the dagger and before the Dark One.
Gold knew the truth about Neal. He was a smart man and had probably had at least an inkling of the truth for a while, but it hadn't registered in his mind…or perhaps he just didn't want to see it. Either way it wasn't Neal's problem.
Neal walked closer and ran his hand over the suitcase lid, feeling the softness of the old leather. He looked Gold dead in the eye and flipped the top up. Normally, the revelation that his father had kept so many of his old things—things that had never really meant all that much to him…things that the old man obviously cherished now—would have been touching. But Neal didn't have time for that.
It was kind of messed up that he was the one needing to prove himself to the old man, but if that's what he had to do then so be it.
"I knew no good would come out of your plan—the one to burn down the duke's castle—but I went along with it. You want to know why?" It was a little sick and a little twisted, but Neal enjoyed the flash of fear that crossed Gold's face. He could no longer deny what was right in front of him.
And yet at the same time the sad, lonely little boy inside him didn't want to hurt his papa's feelings. it was the same part that had never mentioned when the other boys had made fun of him for being the son of a the town coward. He had never wanted to put that at his papa's feet.
"That was the one moment I looked up to you most. I knew what everyone else refused to see: that underneath it all, your cowardice, your fear, you were a brave man. A good man." Neal's voice broke with emotion but he didn't stop. He couldn't. This all had been too long in the making. "Even though it was stupid and foolish plan, you were finely being what you could always have been if you let yourself."
Neal gives a bitter laugh, not looking at his father's face, unwilling to let Gold see the tears he just couldn't hold back.
"If only I knew what happened next, right?" he whispered, sounding heartbroken even to his own, angry ears.
"Bae." Gold breathed, reaching out to put his hand on Neal's shoulder. Neal pulled back sharply and Gold's hand dropped, his face shattered like a religious man who's angel had disappeared into the mist, leaving him desolate and alone.
How dare he try and act like nothing had changed…like the mere fact that they were together fixed everything.
The truth was that this reunion had cost Neal everything and the old man should have at least had the decency to acknowledge that fact.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Gold whispered and Neal could feel hurt in his voice.
If it hadn't been for the circumstances, he would have heeded Belle's request. He would have lied and said that he just wasn't ready…but he was too angry and had tasted too much blood for that now.
"I wasn't going to," he growled and Rumple's face seemed to fall even more if possible.
If he had been in a forgiving mood, Neal would have let that be it and changed the subject, would have brought the conversation back to the real reason he was here. But Neal wasn't in a pardoning mood. Far from it. He had found a weakness and couldn't stop if he wanted to.
"You backing out of our deal…killing all those people and saying it was for me…even you becoming something that hunted my nightmares; I let it all go." He hissed, stepping forward and now it was the coward's turn to shrink back. "Even the months I had to keep reminding myself to call you 'papa' because I was petrified of what would happen if I slipped up—all the times I went to bed too terrified to even tremble in my sleep because you were there, watching, spinning on that wheel like nothing had changed. I let it all go. I refused to hate you."
There was a flash of profound relief in Gold's face but Neal wasn't done. Not by far.
"Until I found out about your curse. How many lives did you destroy in the process? Just to keep our deal?"
"You always were the better man, Bae." Gold began but Neal didn't want to hear it. The old man wasn't listening, not really. He was telling Neal just what he thought he wanted to hear. It was just like before, back home when his life was hell…nothing had changed…not even his father.
"Why did I have to be!" he roared, his voice going horse.
Neal took a deep breathe, trying to calm down, but he was only partially successful. "You know, I was cursed to."
Gold's eyes flashed in confusion and Neal could read the thoughts bouncing around in his skull. He was trying to figure out what went wrong—what bit of magic fell out of his control—and that only served to make Neal more disgusted with him. The man had no empathy. No soul.
"You're a cancer and the more I try and cut you out of my life the more you infect every chance I have at happiness. Do you know what it was like to give up the one good thing I had in this world—the one thing that made coming alone to this insane world worth it? To betray the one person I love most so that one day she would be strong enough to clean up your mess."
Neal had finally done it. He had finally gotten to the one thing he hated the old man most for and as selfish as it was, it wasn't for cursing so many people. It wasn't for doing so many horrors and it wasn't even for saying they were for him. The one thing Neal hated him most for was something a million times worse.
"I had to cut out my own heart to do it, but I still did it," his voice broke and his face was wet as he stared at the old man. The next words came out as a bitter, mocking, laugh but Neal was unsure just who it was directed at. The old man, or Neal himself for actually listening. "Why? Because it was the right thing, because I was the better man."
"And I lost the chance to raise my own son in the process."
Gold looks like it's the first time he registered the connection between Neal and Henry since the revelation and is sickened by the news…or at least what it would mean. Good. After all the crap he's done—after all the times he's used the kid as a pawn in some sick, twisted, chess game, Neal was glad to see that one hurt.
Neal took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. The mention of Henry brought his mind back to the real reason he was facing his demon. As much as he was enjoying hurting Gold—as cathartic as it was to finally say these things—it wasn't going to help Henry.
"I'm asking for your help because it's the last option I have. Will you help us save Henry?"
"Yes, of course." Gold answered quickly and for the first time that day, Neal could see that he was being genuine—that there was no ulterior motive or whisper of cost in the back of the Imps mind. And he was glad. Neal needed that one sliver of hope that maybe; just maybe, his father wasn't as hollow as he had feared.
Neal turned to leave but a single word stopped him.
"Bae." Gold's voice was a broken and Neal felt and that was the only thing that kept Neal from telling the old man that he had buried that name. That it brought him as much pain as any other word. Gold had given him that one sliver of hope and so Neal was repaying that with a small mercy of his own.
"I've only ever tried to do right by you." Gold whispered.
Neal turned, his moment of mercy over as he made no effort to hide the disgust on his face.
"How could you when you allowed yourself to get twisted to the point where you don't even know the difference between right and wrong anymore? And you like it this way. Doing the right thing takes courage and that's something you never allowed yourself. Now that you have the power to take what you want you can tell yourself that everything's justified, but it's not. You don't have the courage to draw a line between right and wrong and you want me to be happy that all you've done is paint the world red?"
He sighed and opened the door, careful not to look at his father's shattered face—Neal was already too emotionally drained to handle that.
"And you wonder why the world around you is ash. You disgust me."
After a quick pit stop back at Grannies to splash some water on his face, Neal headed back to Emma's parents' house. When he got there everyone was staring at him, expressions ranging from expectant to curious, and he couldn't help but wonder what August and Reul had told them in his absence.
"So will he help?" Emma asked, thankfully keeping to the true issue.
Neal nodded and leaned against the wall for support. "If he doesn't, he has no soul left."
Belle's eyes furrowed in distress and once again Neal felt bad for not heeded her request, if only for her sake, but he just couldn't. He wasn't a good enough man for it.
"What did you tell him?" Belle asked, preparing herself for the state Gold would be in.
"Probably more then he wanted to hear. I'm sorry," Neal muttered, meaning every word, "but I've been waiting too long to say those things to hold back.
Belle nodded and left to go comfort Gold. She was a smart girl; she had probably expected as much.
Those few who didn't already know the story had their eyes glued to Neal, wanting for an explanation they had no right to—an explanation he was just too exhausted to give.
"Neal, what the hell?" Emma asks, looking at him like the rest of them. Neal sighed. If anyone here deserved an explanation…
"I told you it's a long story and I promise I will tell you everything… but after we get Henry home."
She nodded and Neal sighed, thankful for the reprieve.
Unfortunately, the reprieve was short lived. Regina stared at him, studying, and the gears clicked into place. Neal had given too many clues—had finally said just the right thing (or was it wrong)—and now she figured it out.
"You're his son. It all makes sense now," she said covering her mouth with one hand. Neal was alright with Regina despite the oddness of their family situation—but now he wanted to hit her. She was enjoying the truth far too much.
Apparently they hadn't gotten any answers of substance out of Belle, Reul, or August while he was gone, because he felt half a dozen faces snap towards him, waiting for a denial that wouldn't come.
"How is that funny?" he hissed, ignoring the army of eyes aimed at him.
"Considering how many times he has used Henry as a pawn to further his own agenda…"
August looks over and saw the pure exhaustion on Neal's face. Neal didn't' have the energy to deal with this now.
"You do realize that that makes you related to Gold in a roundabout sort of way." August muttered to Regina.
"What?"
August smirked. "Well you are one of Henry's moms."
The dumbstruck look on Regina's face would have been funny any other time, but now Neal was just at the end of his rope.
"Can we please just get back to figuring out what the hell we're going to do!" He shouted, running his hand through his hair in frustration.
After a few seconds of awkward staring, David took pity on him and herded the rest of them into the living room to talk shop while Neal slumped against the counter, his head in his hands.
"Neal," Emma said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright?"
Neal looked at her, infinitely grateful that she was giving him this one moment of respite—that whatever hate or anger she might feel towards him was being put away, if only for that moment. He needed that one moment of knowing she still cared.
"No." he said, picking his head up, "But I think…I think once we get Henry back, I will be."