Chapter thirty-four

Dear Susanna,

Father has instructed me to write to you and tell you that as you have chosen to leave our home and live a life of sin you are no longer a part of our family. You may return to us once you are fully restored to the church. Until that time I will not be allowed to respond.

Leah

Sister –

Father made me write that. They read your letters. I believe you. Please keep writing. Stay away. Good luck.

Leah

Bellflower House
3625 Yuma St. NW
Washington DC

Spencer

Susanna sighed as she put both the letter and the hastily scribbled note back in the envelope. "Poor Leah. Part of me wishes she would just leave, but she's really the only one caring for the other children, I don't know what they would do without her.

"Your mother…"

"My mother has had seventeen children in twenty-seven years. She's too exhausted to do anything anymore."

"That still doesn't make it Leah's responsibility."

"And that doesn't make the need go away. What do you do when you're confronted with a screaming, hungry child and all the so-called adults walk away?" She sighed again. "I don't suppose you have one of those hugs to spare."

Spencer looked into his mug, this all sounded exceedingly familiar. "I think I could use one myself." He admitted. A moment later she was on the couch beside him, tucking her legs under her and curling up against his side. Putting his arm around her shoulder and feeling her weight and soft heat was remarkably comforting. "Remember how I told you about my Mom, how she's in a care home?"

"Yeah."

"She's, um, schizophrenic. It's a mental disorder, she has trouble telling what's real and what's not, she sees and hears things that aren't there, she's paranoid, it's…it's not something that can be cured, and medication only does so much and after a while it stops working."

"I'm sorry." Susanna murmured.

"When I was ten my Dad left." Spencer went on. "They had been through some very difficult experiences and Mom's condition was getting worse and he just couldn't handle having a sick wife and a freak for a son anymore so he left. He left a note for me to find when I came home from school." Even after everything that had happened on the Gary Michaels case he was still deeply angry with his father. "And Aunt Eunice wouldn't let us move in with her and Uncle Phil, she said Mom was too much to handle and she didn't know what to do with me." He looked into his coffee mug, which still wasn't giving up any answers. "What do you do when you have a sick woman who needs care and all the so-called adults walk away?"

"What did you do?"

"Eventually? I walked away." He admitted. "That's the problem, childhood and young adulthood are finite; you don't stop growing just because no one else is willing to take the responsibility. I was accepted into CalTech when I was thirteen and I went. I told Aunt Eunice that her sister was her responsibility and she could either step up or not but this chance wouldn't come again. My behavior was allowing Aunt Eunice to shirk hers. How old is Leah?"

"Twenty-three?"

"And how old is the youngest?"

"Fourteen months."

"If she raises that child for your mother then she'll be 39 by the time that task is over. She could still start a family then but it will be a lot harder. So she has to choose to give up her best years to start her own family or to stop allowing her parents to shirk their responsibility. But that's her choice to make."

"I know. I just wish I could do something."

"You can. You can build your own life so that if she wants out she'll have someone strong enough to help her." His mug didn't hold answers but it did hold good coffee. "In my studies I've noticed that that seems to be a trend in our generation. Not all, of course, my Mother was just ill, for example, but many of our parents tend to be remarkably self-centered."

"So you think they rejected me because they didn't want to deal with the difficulty of raising a disabled child?" She felt him twitch at the question. "Spencer, I know they never wanted me, the care they gave me was their Christian duty, no more. They preferred it when I stayed in my room so they wouldn't even have to look at me."

Spencer was quiet a long moment. "Actually, there may be another reason."

"Oh?"

"Assuming your mother was an Evangelical Christian before ending up with the cult? And if my math is correct she was sixteen when you were born?" She nodded. "Eighty percent of Evangelical teens have sex before they turn eighteen, and due to the cultural feelings about birth control one in four of those will get pregnant. How old was your mother when she married?"

"I assumed…" Spencer could see the connection firing on Susanna's face. "Are you saying…?"

"It takes two adults carrying the recessive gene in order to produce your kind of albinism. Statistically you should have had two or three brothers or sisters with your health problems. But you're the only one. So either your parents are incredibly lucky or…"

"…John Holman isn't my father." She finished. "That would be why they never wanted me around, just looking at me would be a reminder that Mamma conceived me with another man, and that she wasn't pure on her wedding day."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not. That explains a great deal and validates my experience. I was only kept around for Christian charity. I'm sure they're much happier that I'm gone, or would be if they weren't facing prison." She was quiet a long moment. "I wonder what happened to my birth father."

"They might have prevented contact."

"No. They believe very strongly in fathers taking responsibility for their children and my mother was ashamed to have me around. If my father would have stepped forward they would have turned me over, probably without asking any questions."

"We could try to find him, if you like. Garcia can find almost anyone."

She rested against him and considered that a long moment. "No." She said. "I am quite done with family, I think. They don't want anything to do with me so why should I force myself upon them. I think I'd rather stick with my friends, if they'll have me."

He smiled at that. "They will. I just hope they'll keep having me."

"What do you mean?"

Oh boy. "Schizophrenia is genetic. Granted I'm getting a little old for the first symptoms but I'm not entirely out of the woods."

She nestled against him with a gentle smile. "I'm not going anywhere."

He knew the team wouldn't, but only Maeve had ever really said it directly like that. Hearing it made him feel all over warm again. For a moment he rested her cheek on her silken hair. "Thank you."

"So we're rather in similar boats. Is your mother still aware…?"

"As aware as she can be. I know she loves me and always tried her best, but the illness got in the way. And its entire possible that your mother has been brainwashed. Our fathers however…"

"Yeah."

"Thankfully we have good role models."

"We do?"

"Hotch, Will…"

"Will is a wonderful father." She agreed. "I hope whoever I find is a father like that, when the time comes."

"I hope I can be a father like that when the time comes."

"Well you're already a great godfather. I'd say you're well on your way."

They were quiet a little longer. "Are you going to keep writing to Leah?"

"Yes." Susanna replied. "That way she knows there's someone there for her. Even if she isn't my sister, she's always been my friend."