AN: The set up is making this story go a bit slower than I would like. It's still first year, but it will pick up with chapter four. Severus begins to acknowledge his developing sexuality, and Lily discovers a cruel reality about the wizarding world… And… I know J.K. Rowling probably would say that Severus wanted to be Lucius Malfoy's friend only to win over Pureblood friends and learn more dark arts stuff. But Severus and Lucius are teenage boys both interested in women and so I beg to differ…
Chapter Three: There Be Things That My Posse Can Do
December of first year to summer before second year
She can flip her hair.
I can flip you off.
You've got talent. But, baby,
I'm thinking
that's not enough.
-Tori Amos
It was three days away from Christmas holiday and Hogwarts was bursting with the energy of a thousand students who were ready to go back home for a bit of rest and relaxation, with the exception of a few. Severus Snape, Lily Evans, and Sirius Black were the most vocal about their annoyance at having to return back home for the holiday. Severus had sent his mum post about his being picked for Slytherin house, and how he'd been doing in classes, but he'd never heard back. The only reason he was going back to Spinner's End was because he knew Lily would be there, and the promise of having Lily to himself for a full two weeks was incentive enough to go home.
Lily was apprehensive about seeing Petunia. She'd written Tuney several letters since the start of term, and had never heard back. In addition, her parents were throwing a big Christmas Eve party for all of their London friends, and Lily knew she'd have to make up enough lies to satisfy all of the crowd into thinking she'd been at a normal boarding school instead of Hogwarts. Sirius wouldn't say much about his negative attitude toward going home, but Lily and Severus weren't too interested in what he thought, anyway.
It seemed like there was a lot to do and very little time to do it in. Both Lily and Severus found their dorm mates lack of apprehension for the winter finals to be completely "ridiculous". Avery, Middleton, and Mulciber spent their time complaining about the professors instead of actually doing the homework for class, while Severus poured over every book and paper. The boys would bash McGonagall or Flitwick for an hour and a half and then asked Severus for help on their essays at the last minute.
The Slytherin common room had been, to Severus' dismay, full of raucous parties led by Bellatrix that ended with older students touching each other's bottoms and cursing each other drunkenly, while Rita took photos that she used as blackmail. Severus had attended once and had deeply regretted it. No matter how amusing it was to see Lucius putting the moves on multiple girls and then making fun of them loudly, or Parkinson getting a third ear, it wasn't worth it. Severus abhorred the thought of drinking alcohol and had vowed to never touch it. Ever. Not to mention the nickname "Snivellus" was spreading throughout houses like wildfire and even the students in his year were throwing it around whenever they thought he was being particularly ornery or bossy. Severus spent a good chunk of study time up in his dorm room alone, trying desperately to find a spell that would muffle the sounds around him so that he could better do his homework, but he couldn't locate one. Finally he found a spell that would stuff his ears full of earwax, which worked to deaden the noise but was a real bother to get out later. Severus sought to make his own muffling-sound spell but was unable to think much about that, given all the work. He'd been using his book of curses and counter curses to try and perfect spells on his own, and after reading about the merits of having your own curses, had even invented one simple spell—the Langlock curse. The point of the curse was to stick the recipient's tongue to the roof of their mouth. He got the idea one evening when Lucius Malfoy kept talking on and on about a particularly good date he'd had that night with some buxom Ravenclaw girl while Severus was facing the other way, attempting to read his History of Magic notes. Severus wouldn't dare practice it on a Prefect (though it did take drastic measures to shut Lucius Malfoy up most of the time), but once he used it on himself, and it worked. He figured it would come in handy with Potter, who was becoming worse and worse daily. Severus was hoping to be top in every subject, and nothing else was really too important at the moment. Although he was quite jealous of how much time Lily was spending with the girls she lived with. He thought Lily should at least have the sense to study more often. That was all.
Of course, Severus wasn't studying all the time. He'd discovered a new hobby that involved imagining the sorts of things that Bellatrix Black did when she was with blokes. This was no creative exercise—he'd seen enough in the common room to put the ideas in his mind. It seemed like every night, she was at work snogging different boys as soon as the other Slytherins went to bed. Severus would watch them over his schoolbooks, pretending to be reading.
Once, he was hidden so well in the biggest armchair that Lucius and Bellatrix did not even notice he was there. Afraid he'd be heard, Severus refrained from turning the pages of his book. He even stopped breathing. Lucius whispered something in Bellatrix's ear, scanned the room and then slipped his hand into her robes, thrusting his hand out and in. Bellatrix bit her lip and moaned, her black ringlets bouncing as she leaned backward on the green dragon leather couch. She wrapped her legs around Lucius' back, and he kissed her neck. There was a deep ache of longing in Severus as he watched this, mixed with something else—perhaps something depraved, like the time at age five or six when he had heard his parents in what was, at the time, their bedroom, alternating between moaning and screaming at each other. Severus watched intently, as Lucius continued to thrust his hand inside her robes and massaged her breast with the other hand. Severus' ears went red, but he could not look away. Bellatrix moaned and then grabbed Lucius' hand, pushed him off of her and bit his mouth, said something to him in a quiet but demanding voice, and they walked off to the dorm rooms, laughing together like they'd just exchanged a secret joke. Severus sunk low into the armchair, his insides feeling like they were on fire, and with one hand he touched the front of his groin through his robes. It was not the first time, but it was different, he knew that whatever Lucius had done to Bellatrix was what he wanted to do… He began to imagine what kind of things Bellatrix got up to once she and Lucius went down to her room, and that kept him almost as busy as studying did. Severus decided that Lucius was actually pretty cool, despite his rambling and bragging.
Lily, also leaps and bounds ahead on her class work, was finding her house to be a really fun place to be before the holidays. There were parties too, with kegs of Butterbeer and lots of off key singing, but Rosie the Head Girl made all of the first years go to bed before things got "too silly" (in her own words). James and Sirius kept trying to infiltrate the parties, but even they were trying hard to catch up in schoolwork. Lily and her dorm mates spent time outside of classes building snowmen, challenging the Gryffindor boys to snowball fights and quizzing each other on homework questions. There wasn't much time to see Severus, as Lily was busy with her own housemates. She felt a little guilty, since she knew that he was still struggling to make friends in Slytherin, but he always said he'd rather be alone anyway. Professor Slughorn was particularly impressed with Lily's final potion assignment. The students were told to brew a potion that could possibly be used in the hospital wing, if it was brewed accurately enough. Lily's was one for acne and Slughorn told her the very next day that it had cured away the first layer of Hufflepuff fifth year Armando Midgen's spotty pimples.
With a merry wink, Slughorn assured Lily that she would certainly be getting top marks from him. Slughhorn, with his happy nature and appreciation for hard work, was quickly becoming Lily's favorite professor. She spent a lot of her time telling Sirius and James to bugger off when they asked her for help in Potions. "Come on Evans!" Potter would say. "It's partly your fault I'm failing. Your kind friend Snivellus is the reason I got such low marks on our last exam, and old Slughorn's not quite the fairest person, is he? Go figure that he'd be head of Slytherin house! They're all in it together!" But Lily would not assist them. She liked that she was a better student than them, and saw no reason to help them to become better until they stopped being so stupid. The only people she helped were her roommates, and only because they honestly cared about working hard. They weren't lazy or idiotic like a lot of the other students in first year. Lily had a difficult time tolerating laziness. Only a few more exams to go, and it would be break…
"Hi Sirius!" called out Mary, waving with her entire arm raised up in the air like she was declaring war and swinging England's flag around madly. Lily followed her out of the library and cringed. Lately, all Mary had been talking about was who was flirting with whom. Lily quickly realized that study sessions with Mary, especially for the important holiday exams, were worthless.
Sirius grinned and gave a nod, James pushed him over, Peter pushed James, and they all began punching each other. Remus, engrossed in a book, walked around them and continued on down the hallway.
Lily seethed with annoyance. "I don't know how you can speak to him, Mary. No offense, but they're all really terrible. So immature. Save for Remus. He's a bit quiet but at least he's smart."
"Oh Lily, come on…" Mary paused to flash a grin back at Sirius, who was now on the floor being tackled by James as Peter howled with laughter. "He's so cute, though! I really want to ask him out, but I'm afraid he's too experienced." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Adriana said he's all ready kissed two girls—"
Despite herself, Lily blushed. "That's ridiculous," she said. "We're only eleven." She realized she sounded like Petunia, who had made a habit in London of busting kids on the playground holding hands. Petunia would never allow Lily to hang out with a girl who was fixated on asking boys out—after all, Mother had taught Lily and Petunia that this was quite unladylike. "If you asked him out, what could you even do? Walk around the halls?" She forced her voice to sound confident and loud, for fear of otherwise sounding babyish.
"We could sneak into the Forbidden Forest and snog… He's so dreamy," warbled Mary, ignoring Lily's snappish tone.
Lily was about to comment snarkily on what a grand idea that would be when Muruvi and Scarlet fell in beside them, linking arms. Those two had become closer and closer over the course of the school year; they were practically at Best Friend Forever status by this time (which left Lily with Mary), and even the once-shy Muruvi was actually opening up. Scarlet was quite funny, and kept the girls entertained at night with her pig-nose charm. "What are you talking about?" Scarlet asked. "Who's dreamy?"
"Sirius Black," sighed Mary, pressing her hand to her heart. The other girls giggled. Lily couldn't relate to Mary's awestruck attitude about boys. In fact, she found Mary to be a bit experienced herself, at least in the way she boldly spoke about dating, snogging and carrying on with boys. The only boy Lily had spent extensive time with was Severus, and he was about as opposite Sirius Black as you could get. Not that it was a bad thing. Lily found Sirius to be overly charismatic and cool, always at it for a laugh, and Potter wasn't much better. In fact, Potter was worse. He had none of Black's charm and was even more big-headed than the former. In the common room, Potter went on and on about the expensive racing broom he had at home, and what a shame it was that he couldn't bring it to Hogwarts. He was opinionated and argumentative, always willing to debate those around him or call people out on things he felt were unfair, such as Professor McGonagall's homework load, or Slughorn's praises for Lily and Severus. Of course, there were times when he did do funny things, but in Lily's opinion his reputation overshadowed these moments. Lily realized she had been drifting in her own thoughts, and she snapped out of them to find that the subject had not changed.
"Evan Rosier said that Jasmeet Patil says that Sirius Black is a good kisser. But she didn't kiss him—Rosmerta Devany kissed him, and she told Adriana to tell Colleen Stamppipe to tell Jasmeet that Sirius was really good," Muruvi explained. Given her pureblood family name and composed nature, Muruvi had managed to keep fairly good relationships with some of the Slytherins in their year and thus was a sort of ambassador of gossip between the two houses for all the girls. So far, Muruvi was the only one out of Lily's three dorm mates who could tolerate Severus.
"When did they kiss?" demanded Lily, irritated. She was very aware that her face was reddening more and more by the second.
"I heard it was after the Halloween feast," Scarlet put in. "Potter dared him to do it."
"What stupid thing has Potter done now?" asked a morose little voice behind them. Lily flushed even deeper at the sound of the familiar voice, and sure enough it was Severus, his arms stacked high with books, hurrying to catch up with the gaggle of girls.
Muruvi turned as rosy as Lily, while Scarlet and Mary screamed with laughter.
"Hello, Severus," greeted Mary with a huge grin. Scarlet couldn't stop laughing. Muruvi gave a little wave. Lily grimaced. Severus was her friend, her bloke friend—she did not want for him to see her conversing this way with her mischievous lot of girlfriends, even if she was being sensible. There was something embarrassing about having Severus, a boy, walk into a conversation all about the things that Lily's friends wanted to do with males. Not to mention Mary and Scarlet found Severus to be just as laughable as James and Sirius did. Lily had to endlessly explain to them why they shouldn't call him "Snivellus", and they did not understand what would make Lily want to be his friend.
Severus did not look amused. He stared around at all of them and scowled, readjusting his books in his arms. "What? What's he done?" His gaze darkened. "Is it something about me? What did he say about me?" He looked directly at Lily, desperately. "What's he daring someone to do to me?"
Mary couldn't help herself—she burst anew into laughter. "No!" she wailed, "it most certainly is not about you—unless you've snogged Sirius Black, too!"
"What?" Severus said shortly. "I wouldn't—I—what?" He looked at Lily again, sheer horror painted on his thin face, no doubt thinking he was the center of another rumor. The girls dissolved into mean laughter. He looked so disturbed that Lily would have laughed too, except it was all very mortifying.
"Potter dared Black to snog Rosmerta Devany, and Black did it. Or so Mary says," put in Lily quickly, staring at Mary, who twittered and nodded. "Isn't that stupid? I was just telling them how stupid it sounds to me."
But Severus had an unclear expression on his face that Lily could not read. "Are they going out?" he asked. Lily's mouth dropped open.
"Not yet," explained Muruvi instantly, coming forward with a serious look on her face as though she were the translator for anyone in Slytherin house," because Starla said that Sirius also likes Margatina Slipfoot, but she's all ready going with Flaversham Flint. Sirius knows Margatina from before school, but —"
Severus sneered. "I figured she and Flint were together. Always holding hands. Yuck! Margatina wouldn't want to see Black, anyway. She's friends with Narcissa, too. And Bellatrix. They think he's a prat. You should know, Paradigm. Sirius Black is seen for what he is in Slytherin—"
"Amazing?" giggled Mary. Lily elbowed her, knowing that this could get dangerous. Severus deplored when people did not take him seriously, which was a fact many of their peers knew—a fact that too many of them had started rudely exploiting.
"An idiot! And besides…" he lowered his voice. "She's a second year."
Mary beamed. "So I have a chance!" she squealed.
"Not necessarily," Severus said darkly, picking something out of his hair. Mary glared at him and he glared back, just as dangerously. Lily rolled her eyes. They really didn't get on well, those two. "I mean, if you like that sort of thing, go ahead… Don't know why you would, though."
"Why, because you're a better choice, Snape?" Mary hooted. "Like anyone's kissing you!"
Peeves the Poltergeist, who had been zooming by, paused to bounce in midair and cackle at Snape, making kissy noises.
Severus' wan face went red. "Shut up," he snarled, looking to Lily briefly for support," no one's kissing you either, MacDonald, probably because your fat mouth would get in the way!" He balled his fists.
Peeves blew a raspberry and hooted with nasty laughter.
Mary glowered. "Get away, Peeves." She pointed at Snape. "No one wants to be your friend. And NO ONE wants to kiss you, Snivellus! NO ONE!"
Even Peeves understood the seriousness of her tone, and so he zoomed off to bother Professor Flitwick.
Lily's eyes flashed. "His name is SEVERUS! I'm not kissing anyone either, Mary! We're only first years and some of us aren't obsessed with those things! And just because Severus isn't kissing anyone—"
"You are by far the ugliest boy in our year," Mary interrupted, clearly uninterested in any of Lily's defending statements. "I mean, your robes are shabby, your hair is always slimy looking, and you smell like—"
But they did not get to hear what Mary MacDonald thought Severus smelled like, because Snape pulled out his wand, yelled out, "Langlock!" And an amazing thing happened: wordy Mary stopped talking. In fact, she started choking and swallowing fervently, as though parched and gulping for air.
"Big mouth," Severus said, his black eyes narrowed.
"Oo doopid doy!" Mary said, as though her mouth was full of peanut butter. "Tad id ot! Tad id ot!"
The girls started murmuring amongst themselves. Scarlet spoke first. "What have you done to her?"
Matter-of-factly, Severus shrugged. "I stuck her tongue to the roof of her mouth. Though it seems I need to perfect my spell, she's not supposed to be able to keep talking, must be a bit loose-"
Lily couldn't help herself. She laughed. And laughed. Scarlet shoved her, and Muruvi "shushed" her, but it did no good—the sight of Mary unable to keep blathering on was extremely hilarious.
Mary's eyes widened. "TAD ID OT!" she bellowed, waving her arms.
"ALL RIGHT!" shouted Severus, as though it was a great nuisance that someone should want you to unstick their tongue from the roof of their mouth. He muttered a counter curse and then walked away, bobbing along with his enormous stack of books, though looking quite more formidable than he did when he arrived.
"You really shouldn't have said those things," Lily said to Mary, shrugging," Severus knows loads more curses than you ever will! Besides, you haven't kissed anyone yet either. So don't act so big." Mary opened her mouth to say something, but Lily jogged after Severus. After all, Mary was a dunderhead for blabbering on and on like she always did, and Lily was getting quite tired of it. "Lily!" called Muruvi, but Lily did not turn back.
"Severus!" she cried, and when they were halfway to the Great Hall he finally whipped around, looking irritated.
"Don't lecture me. That lot's got mush for brains," he said.
"I don't want to lecture you! They're not so bad-I mean, Mary is annoying a lot of the time but that's not what I wanted to say, I wanted to say—" she paused to catch her breath. "Brilliant spell, where did you get it?"
Severus' expression changed instantly from annoyance to discomfiture. He gave a small smile, shuffled his feet and muttered, "You liked it?"
Lily found this to be a very odd reaction. It was as though he'd picked out the perfect gift for her rather than cursing one of her friends. "For sure. It was a little mean but also quite practical," she nodded. "Where did you learn it, then?"
He looked to be quietly debating something and then replied that he'd gotten it from a book his mother had bought for him. "Like I said, it's supposed to completely silence the person. When I—well, it's meant for times when you don't want to hear what the other person has to say, or if they're lying and there's no other way to make them stop."
Lily smiled. "Neat!" she said. Severus beamed. They walked down the hallway together, making fun of Mary's face all the way to Herbology class.
Severus' skinny body was shaking with rage inside his robes. Professor McGonagall had just returned everyone's final exams, with comments and corrections. He had gotten an Outstanding, which was all well and good, but McGonagall had urged him work harder on his technique—not to mention she'd called his grasp of the spells they had learned so far "ordinary", and had written that given his work ethic, she expected great improvement from him. "I look forward to seeing you develop your talents," she had written. But James Potter was sitting in the front row, his feet up on his desk reading his comments aloud, and McGonagall had apparently given him an Outstanding as well, not to mention she had praised his efforts highly, naming him the best transfigurator in the class! James Potter! So what if he could turn sickles into mice on the first try! So what if that was impressive for a first year! Severus knew for a fact he never studied. It just wasn't fair! He hated Potter—he hated Potter so much he wanted to set his exam on fire or turn it into sludge, and then McGonagall would see who was best! It was only because Potter was a Gryffindor, thought Snape angrily. Immediately, he mentally pushed McGonagall down from her place at the top of his favorite professors list. He decided she was the worst teacher ever.
Lily was on her way to Charms from the Great Hall, eager for her test results and ready at last for a good, long vacation. She walked swiftly down the corridor, and to the stairway. "Hello there," purred a lazy, deep voice. It was Lucius Malfoy, his long blonde hair pulled back from his face, his lip twitching into a friendly smile.
"Hello," Lily said, a bit apprehensively. Malfoy took his Prefect duties so seriously that he was known to report anyone who so much as coughed the wrong way.
"You're… er… Evans, right?" Malfoy inquired, standing firmly in place between Lily and the stairs. His voice was strangely warm as he annunciated every syllable.
"Yes," Lily said.
"Malfoy," he replied," Lucius Malfoy. Not that you would know my family's name or its importance." He held out a hand to shake hers. His fingers were long and white, adorned with a few silver rings.
She slowly put out her hand to shake his.
As though her hand was covered in puss, Lucius quickly jerked his hand away and stepped back. "I almost forgot!" he said loudly. "You're a Mudblood! I'm sorry, but I really can't have any of your germs on me—"
Lily had a horrid feeling inside, although she did not know what Malfoy meant by "Mudblood". It was like when Severus called Tuney a "Muggle" the first time they had met. It sounded like a dirty grownup word that Lily was not supposed to know. "I'm what?" she asked, a waver in her voice.
"No one's told you?" he said, gasping mockingly, his eyes twinkling. "Well, then, I suppose I'll have to deliver the unhappy news. You are a Mudblood. It's what we real wizards call someone from a Muggle background. It means you're second best. It means your magical blood runs dirty and faint in your veins. It means you're a big joke."
Lily took a step backward, but stared into Malfoy's piercing grey gaze, not wanting to admit defeat. "But I'm not a big joke," she said firmly. "I'm magical—I'm getting high marks in everything, you can ask anyone in my class—"
"You may be magical, but you'll never amount to a real witch. Your people, Muggles," he clarified disdainfully, taking a step forward, "were the reason my people had to go into hiding. Muggles tortured my ancestors, tortured innocent wizards and witches… Muggles are the reason why our world is hidden, why we have to be so secretive about our talents. Your family was part of the problem, Evans."
Lily stepped back again, still staring at Lucius. "Yes, we learned that from Professor Binns. It's dreadful but it was a long time ago—"
"Professor Binns?" Lucius laughed, an intrusive, harsh sound. "Wizarding families learn about it when they discover how their ancestors were persecuted—hanged, staked, chopped into pieces." His face suddenly became very solemn. "You're a Mudblood, Evans. You're a mistake in this world. And the high marks you're getting in everything, as you so proudly put it, are probably a result of badgering actual Purebloods for answers. You do, I believe, spend a great deal of time hounding Severus Snape for homework help?" Lucius was just centimeters from Lily now—she could smell his cologne, she could have reached out and touched his face.
Lily's face contorted into confusion and dislike, her heart pounding. "What do you mean? Purebloods? Severus and I are friends! We—"
"Malfoy!" called out Andromeda Black, "Dumbledore's just called a Prefect meeting in the Great Hall, and I've been looking for you everywhere." She rolled her eyes, as though having to locate Lucius was something that happened daily.
"Run along to class now, Evans, or like I said, I'm going to have to write you up for loitering in the hallway," said Lucius smoothly, and walked past her.
Tears burned in Lily's eyes, though she was still unsure of why Lucius was acting so cruel toward her. She headed off to Charms, the spring gone from her step. She didn't even smile when she learned she'd gotten yet another Outstanding.
Christmas break was off to a rocky start when Severus got off the train to find Mum there all ready, scowling and checking her watch. "You said you left Hogwarts at ten this morning?" was her cold greeting, tugging her black sweater over her long skirt.
Severus mouthed a goodbye to Lily, who made a sympathetic face at him. He ran up to his mother and nodded. "We did," he replied, feeling like he hadn't seen her in years rather than months. She apparently did not feel the same, being that she hardly looked at him.
"I don't remember it ever taking that long. Well, you're here now. Let's be off to catch the bus. Your father will want to see you before he goes to work." She rushed along ahead of him and went through the wall, Severus following.
His heart sunk into his chest, envisioning his father at home every day of break. "He has a job?"
Mum shot him a nasty face. "Your father has been trying very hard to find one, you should be happier for him, Severus. And don't look so incredulous—it's not like your father wants to live the way we do, he's been very upset to have been unemployed for so long—"
"What's incred—incred—?"
"Incredulous, it means you looked as though you couldn't believe he had one or that he'd been trying to find one, which is completely unfair of you. Anyway, how was school so far?"
Severus hurried to catch up with her, clasping his suitcase tightly as it rolled and bumped along the ground. "Good, really good. I got Outstandings in most everything."
"You said that in your letter. Well done, Severus." She glanced behind her and managed a little smile. He bowed his head, slightly embarrassed. She lowered her voice, being that they were now outside King's Cross. "Your father is really trying hard to make everything work."
"I didn't mean to be incredulous," Severus said hastily. "Are you back together?" His mother turned around sharply.
"We were never apart," she replied in a terse tone that Severus took to mean she wanted to say nothing else on the matter. There were definite positive factors during Christmas break, though. Severus' father had finally cleared out the second bedroom free of his belongings, which meant two things: Mum and Dad were sleeping in the same room, and Severus finally had his space to be. It was a small room, but it still looked rather depressing with only a few schoolbooks, toys and small pile of clothes next to the old iron bed. Still, Severus was happy for a space of his own, especially since his nighttime thoughts about Bellatrix Black and other pretty girls was getting to be one of his secret favorite activities. Part of him felt ashamed and weird for the way he felt, but the other half did not care—as long as he kept it secret, it was all right. And in his own room, he was able to think about Bellatrix's cleavage peeking out of her robes and touch himself to his heart's content.
This new phase in Mum and Dad's relationship seemed to be one of few words, which Severus felt was a little annoying but perhaps better than the alternative. Dad was only drinking once a day, given that he had to go off to his job laying bricks, and so there had been no screaming. Neither of them were addressing Severus much either, which was lonely but not enough to make him complain. However, Lily was rather busy over this break. Severus tramped through the snow every day to visit her, but she was often gone for the day. There were relatives and friends from London visiting the Evanses, and Christmas-related family time that Lily had to attend to. Regretting his choice to come home for the holiday, Severus spent most of his time slumped on the couch, reading and re-reading the book of curses and counter-curses, and attempting to get ahead on all of the upcoming class assignments. By the end of January, he decided, he would be the best in every class—he would leave James Potter in his dust.
"So," said Petunia slowly, looking Lily up and down. "How has it been at your freaky school?"
Lily and her parents had just walked through the door, to find Petunia waiting, arms crossed over her chest.
"Tuney," Mother warned. "Be nice." She patted Lily's shoulder. "Tuney's actually been looking very forward to seeing you—"
Petunia laughed. "Not really. So how is it, anyway? Still as special there as ever?"
"For your information, yes! I got the highest marks of anyone in my house, and I love it there!" Lily glared at her sister and pushed past her, running up to her room and slamming the door. Downstairs, their parents were telling Petunia, who had started crying, to be nice. Nearly every interaction between Lily and her sister began and ended this way over Christmas break.
Lily spent her break getting whisked off on errands by her Mother, Father and Aunt Karen while Petunia opted to stay behind and gossip about Lily with her new best friends in the neighborhood. They went on shopping trips and came home with bundles of packages—an enormous turkey, a duck, loaves of fruitcake, nuts, lumps of expensive cheeses, and wine. Since Petunia was unable to handle being in the same room as Lily, Mother appointed Lily to be Helper. They baked cookies and appetizers together, talked about Lily's school and about the different classes, and the different people. Lily expressed annoyance about Mary MacDonald, and her big mouth, and told Mother about the spell Severus had done. Mother did not find it quite as hilarious as Lily, saying only that Lily's time would come, and that she'd be surprised how quickly she would start talking about boys just like Mary was. This offended Lily a bit—it was the kind of thing Mother was always telling Petunia, and Lily did not want to hear any of it. Father had taken quite a few days off work, and he took Lily on drives to the library, and to get cups of hot cocoa.
At the end of the first week, Petunia cornered Lily, much like she had before Lily had left. "You have everything else, and now you're stealing away our parents, too? I'm always Mother's helper in the kitchen! You always had Daddy but Mother and I get along best, and now you're taking her, too?"
"Shut up, Petunia. Leave me alone," said Lily, surprised at how satisfying it was to tell her sister off. Petunia glared, but turned on her heel and left.
"See what I mean? Lily's changed since she had to go to that school for bad girls," Lily overheard Petunia telling her friends that weekend. "She used to be my best friend."
Lily threw the door open and scowled. "I do not go to a school for BAD GIRLS!" she shouted.
Petunia blanched. "Lily, get out of here! Don't bother me!" Her friends, three prudish looking girls in pastel dresses, made faces at Lily as though she were hideously ugly.
"Stop lying, Petunia Evans! You're only jealous of me!" Lily shouted.
"JEALOUS OF A FREAK?" Petunia squawked, her face quickly turning from pale to dark pink, matching her frock. Her friends twittered.
The tears that had been trying to pull through Lily's eyes since Lucius Malfoy's name-calling and Petunia's relentless insults finally came through. Tears spilled out down Lily's cheeks and she ran downstairs and outside into the snow, her patent leather Mary Janes getting soaked. She ran past the playground and across the bridge, over the black river that was solid with chunks of ice and evil-smelling. She ran past overflowing dumpsters, and hopped over refuse until she got to the last house on Spinner's End. She ran up onto the front terrace and, tears still streaming down her face, she pounded on the door.
It took several minutes of knocking before Severus' mother appeared, first opening the door only a few inches so she could see who was there, and then opening it fully. Lily had never gotten a full look at his mother until now. She was the thinnest woman Lily had ever seen, and she had a washed-out look like she had never seen sunlight. Her long black hair could have been pretty but it drooped down her back like she'd washed it and not let it dry. Her big, black eyes reminded Lily distinctly of Severus', and it was easy to spot their likeness. Severus' mother stared at Lily like she'd never seen a visitor before and then said in a soft voice: "You live past the river."
Lily wiped her eyes and nodded. "I came to see Severus. Is he here?"
The woman looked behind her carelessly. "He might be. Come in," she said, as though she was unsure of what else to say. Lily followed Severus' mother and looked around the small house, horrified at its conditions. There was a small couch and a table, and a few paintings that hung uneven on the walls. The walls were in desperate need of painting, and a smell hung in the air, like unwashed laundry. Severus' mother led her down a small hallway and knocked on a door. There was a distinct sound of someone jumping up and moving around.
"Severus, your friend is here," his mother said quietly, and then walked back down the hallway, leaving Lily at the door.
The door slowly opened, and there stood Severus, looking eccentric in a furry black sweater and what appeared to be gray pajama pants. "What are you doing here?" he hissed through the gap in the door, surveying Lily in the same way his mother had done moments earlier. "Why are you here?"
The tears dripped through Lily's eyes again. "Great!" she said, "Now you don't even want to talk to me!"
"Don't be stupid," Severus said. "Come in." He let her into his room and closed the door. "Why are you crying?" he demanded.
Lily looked around the small, barren room. "Petunia keeps calling me a freak. I don't know what to do—all I want is for us to be friends again!" She sat down on the edge of Severus' bed, while he watched her with an expression she could not decipher.
"Petunia is a big idiot," he said. "Why do you even care? And besides, she's your sister. She isn't your friend."
Lily gave him a dirty look. "You hate her, Severus, so I don't expect you to know what I mean. But all I want is to be normal—and I don't fit in anywhere."
Severus snorted, sitting down beside Lily. "You fit in quite well at Hogwarts, from what I've seen. Everyone loves you. You have millions of friends, and you're always busy—" he stopped talking and stared at the wall, swinging his feet.
"Everyone does not love me," she snapped, wiping her tears on her sleeve. "All James Potter and Sirius Black do is make fun of me and pester me for homework answers—"
"Well, they're the worst people at school," said Severus.
"—and my friends from my dormitory are all right, but you've seen them, they can be rather annoying. And I don't really feel like I fit in with them—"
"Why would you want to?" asked Severus bitterly. "All they do is giggle."
"—AND on the last day of classes, that Prefect in Slytherin, Lucius Malfoy, called me a name and told me I was a big joke. He called me a Mudlbood, Severus. Do you know what that means?"
Severus stared at her. "Well… Yeah… I know what it means. You said Malfoy called you that?"
Lily nodded. "What is it? It's bad, isn't it?"
"It just means you're from a Muggle family," Severus said.
"But you said that it didn't matter I was."
"It doesn't." Severus' black eyes looked everywhere but at Lily's face.
"So why was Malfoy picking on me about it? He seemed like he hated me, and I've never spoken to him before." Lily looked at Severus, who was acting like he was lost in thought.
"Well…" Severus said. "I suppose it's kind of a strong word. You wouldn't just throw it around. But for some people, like my Mum, they grew up using it just to be Muggle-born people… anyway, don't take it too seriously." He scooted toward her a little, and opened his mouth, as though he was going to change the subject, but Lily interjected.
"Lucius Malfoy seemed so angry at me. He came up to me like he was going to hurt me, or something—"
Severus looked away again, and his voice had an edge to it, as though he was annoyed. "Don't be crazy, he's a Prefect. He probably just did it for a laugh, he's kind of—"
Lily narrowed her eyes. "I'm not laughing, Severus!"
"I'm not either!" Severus said. "I'm just saying that maybe you shouldn't be crying about such stupid things. Malfoy is Malfoy, and your sister is dumb. Big deal."
Lily jumped off his bed with a frown. "I came all the way here to—and you're just—you're just being mean!"
Severus sprang up, the too-small sweater riding up his skinny middle. "No! I'm just saying, you don't have anything to be sad about. You're smart, and you don't need Petunia or Mary MacDonald or any of them—you're too good for them— I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with you, and we're friends, right?"
"Best friends," Lily said, "I just wish you wouldn't say such mean things sometimes."
"You like it, though, really," Severus replied, a small smile on his thin face. "You couldn't stop laughing forever when I cursed old Mary."
Lily had to smile back. Her parents thought she was so sweet. "Perfect Lily", as Petunia had called her. But Severus was right, sometimes she did enjoy the way he sarcastically insulted the people around them who deserved it. And really, when it came down to it, Lily was not innocent in those situations, either. So, yes, maybe she did like it. Severus was quick to voice his negative opinion on most everything, but they were friends, and he had just said it: He didn't think there was anything wrong with her. There was something Lily liked about that.
Lily and Severus opted to go to their old clearing and play in the woods, attempting to make snow creatures. Lily didn't even care when Severus made disparaging remarks about Petunia, because in a way, Petunia deserved it. They mocked James Potter together, trying to come up with reasons why McGonagall had given him such a good grade. When Lily suggested it was probably because his head was so fat that McGonagall felt sorry for him, Severus got the giggles and couldn't stop laughing for several minutes.
For Christmas, Lily got a set of new clothes, a gold locket necklace, a stack of money that she could either spend over break or change in Diagon Alley, a book on owl care, and new boots. She spent the morning eating breakfast with her family and then went to church for the local service. She and Petunia had taken a vow of silence, which suited Lily fine. Mother made a big dinner of roasted duck, peas, boiled cabbage, mashers and steak and kidney pie and they invited several of Father's work friends over for dinner and drinks.
For Christmas, Severus got a book on deadly curses that his Mum gave him in private. From his father he got a pair of new shoes, which was a first. The church delivered a box of clothing and canned food donations, which sent his father into a fit of rage. "Those damned people, thinking they're better than us just because they haven't had to work a day in their fucking lives!" he cursed, kicking the box angrily. Severus' mum and Dad drank brandy and sat in silence, so Severus retreated to his room, where he read his new book.
Before they knew it, Lily and Severus had returned to Hogwarts. They made a decision to always meet at least once a week to study, and at least once on the weekend. Severus especially wanted to study Transfigurations, and Lily needed help in History of Magic, given that she was not as good of a note taker as Severus was. Lily's Gryffindor friends began to notice her absence and more and more, and they pressed her more than ever about why she counted Snape as such a good friend. Mary had told everyone about the Langlock incident, and everyone agreed that what Snape had done was awful (although the very same people began to use the curse on anyone they could). No one in Slytherin asked Snape any more questions about Lily— Even Lucius Malfoy seemed to still be convinced by Severus' lie.
"Get stuffed, you pompous peacock!" came a shout from the Slytherin bath, and there was a flash of red light. Someone yelled out.
Severus looked up from his notebook and watched as Bellatrix Black ran out, only wearing a slip. Lucius followed her and held her by the wrists.
"How dare you try to curse me!" he yowled. "Go on, find yourself another Pureblood to toy with, it won't be that difficult—"
"You're impossible," Bellatrix retorted. "It's obvious you fancy her, and she's just a baby— I won't let you throw her away—"
"You don't care for her, you only care about yourself—"
"HA!" screamed Bellatrix. "Look at you! You vain, preening, piece of—" she turned around suddenly, spying Severus on the common room couch. "Snivellus!"
Severus picked up his books and jumped up, feeling like he'd been caught in the act of spying and, considering his new favorite activity, he felt decidedly dirty. "I was just leaving!"
"Don't call him that," Lucius spat, and then said in a calm tone, "Severus, you really should be in bed…"
"You don't own me, Lucius. I can talk how I want, and Snape is a sniveling, slithering little perfectionist! Just because he's got tons of curses doesn't mean he's like us, he's just a weird little boy—"
"He's got more drive for it than you do, Bellatrix!"
Bellatrix rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you're defending a little blood traitor. Even if he does do well in dark magic. GOOD. NIGHT." She glared evilly and then flounced downstairs.
Lucius snorted and walked over to the couch, flopping down on it and sighing. "I thought older girls would be more normal. Wrong. Bellatrix is insane." Severus noticed that Lucius' trousers were halfway unzipped, and Lucius seemed to notice him looking. Coolly, he zipped them and shrugged. "I'm sorry you had to see that, Severus."
"What?" asked Snape, deadpan. "Your trousers being open?"
Lucius' eyebrows raised, and then he grinned. "Did you just make a joke?"
"Something like that," said Severus. He wanted to say more, but wondered if it was a bad idea. He decided he didn't care, and sat next to Lucius on the couch, unconsciously sitting the same way. "So, why is Bellatrix crazy?" he wanted to know.
Lucius' lips curled into a small smile. "I do not know if I should get into it… you're so young."
Severus rolled his eyes. "I just turned twelve!" he said.
"Well," said Lucius delicately," all I'll reveal is that she has some weird interests when it comes to making out. She made me bite her so hard she bled."
Severus was unable to hide his reaction, his eyes widened and he stared. "Whoa," he said, almost appreciatively.
"You are a weird little boy, Severus," said Lucius. "But I like you all right, despite what other people say. Is there anything else you want to know about Bellatrix?"
From then on, Lucius wasn't just an annoying mentor or slightly cool. He was someone Severus full-on idolized.
"I don't think it's odd you hang out with Slytherins, Lily," said Frank Longbottom. It was finally spring, and a small group of Gryffindors were pretending to study by the lake. The day was so beautiful that it had turned into an outdoor Exploding Snap session, and then after that, a wizard's chess match against the winner. "In fact, I think it's nice. I wish I knew more Slytherins."
"Well, you should spend time studying with Severus and me sometime!" said Lily, knocking Frank's bishop out of the way.
Frank cleared his throat and focused on the game for a bit. "It's just… I mean, I think it's good you don't buy into all the house rivalry stuff. And it's not that I don't believe you… But it's just that you're the only person I've really ever seen Severus act nice to."
"You probably say that because you don't understand him," Lily explained. "He gets annoyed easily, especially when people make fun of him—"
"I've never made fun of him," Frank said. "Anyway, I'm not trying to fight you, I'm just saying… you're a different sort of Gryffindor."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you're a weirdo," said James Potter, who suddenly appeared and sat down between them. "'lo Longbottom! 'lo Evans! What's going on?"
Lily glowered. "Quit it, Potter!"
James winced, as though she'd cursed him. "What? What'd I do?"
Frank snickered, and made his move. "Hello, James!"
"I said, quit it!" Lily exclaimed, continuing to glare at James. "I'm not a weirdo!"
"Ease up, Evans, I'm only joking. Though you are a bit strange, being that you seem to actually like Potions and I heard you say you don't care for Quidditch—"
"I never said that! I just said that if I had to choose between a Quidditch meet and—"
-"And a day of class, you'd want to be in class," James finished and rolled his eyes. "That is so boring! If you really understood Quidditch, then you'd be on my side, Evans. Trust me, if you saw me on my Comet, WOOOOSH! You'd be so impressed!"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Look, Potter, I know Quidditch is everyone's favorite thing around here and maybe I am weird for not liking it as much as you. Maybe I'll get to liking it. I'm just not used to it… It's probably because I'm a Mudblood."
As soon as the word had left Lily's lips, the group's energy shifted. James made a horrified face, Frank gasped, Alice actually screamed, and Sirius, who had just arrived to hang out with the group, stared at Lily and asked: "Why would you call yourself that?"
"What do you mean?" Lily said. "It's just a word for Muggle-born people."
"Noooo," James moaned, shaking his head back and forth vigorously. "It's a bad word, my dad told me the only people who use it are total scumheads—"
Sirius' eyes flashed. "My mother uses it in nearly every other sentence—"
"Sorry, mate, but I stand by what I said," James shrugged.
"No… I'm realizing it is a horrible word," said Sirius. "Evans, you shouldn't say it—not even for yourself… Especially not for yourself."
"My mother told me if I ever said it, she would set my behind on fire," said Frank. "I don't think she was joking."
Lily's face was red. "I didn't know—I really thought it was just… a word." She trailed off, thinking of what Severus had said. Why had he pretended it wasn't?
"Who called you that?" James wanted to know.
"Lucius Malfoy," Lily replied. "But… it was odd, Severus said that he didn't mean it in the bad way, he said some wizarding families just use it as a word to describe people like me—"
James looked like he might spit fire. "Severus said? Lily, when are you going to stop listening to that creep?"
Frank nudged him, but it was Sirius who spoke. "Actually, Snivelly may have been telling the truth as far as he knows it. My mother throws it around, same with my cousins and their parents… to them it is just a word. To a lot of Purebloods, it is—"
James made a face. "Not to my family!"
"You're lucky," Sirius snapped. "I've told you that, mate. You don't know how lucky you are!"
"Lily, most Purebloods don't use it. It's super awful to call someone that. You could report Malfoy to Dumbledore," said Alice. "I'd even go with you."
Lost in thought, Lily slowly shook her head. "That's okay. I don't want Lucius Malfoy to know I told on him. Maybe Severus can speak to him about it…"
"Good luck with that," James snapped. "Listen. Here's a better idea. I'll tell Lucius Malfoy to shut his face!"
Sirius shoved him. "Like that would go over well."
"I could take him," James said, shrugging. "He's only a fifth year."
"Big man," Sirius grinned. "Anyway, you're probably right, Evans. Malfoy can be pretty nasty. You should probably just steer clear of him."
At the end of the school year, Severus and Lily boarded the Hogwarts Express together, loaded with extra work to do over the summer. Lily's Christmas and birthday money had gone toward, among other things, purchasing a very well designed chemistry kit, which was a popular buy because using it over the summer wouldn't get you expelled or in trouble. She and Severus were quite looking forward to taking advantage of the extra practice.
"See ya later, nerds!" James called as they got off the train, but Remus actually waved kindly, calling a sincere goodbye to Lily and Severus. Sirius was too busy trying to give Peter a real mustache with a joke kit he'd bought off an older student. Lily didn't even notice when Bellatrix Black tried to trip her, all the while grinning at Severus slyly. Lucius Malfoy wrote his address down on a slip of parchment and told Snape to write anytime, giving Snape one of his infamous cold around-the-shoulder hugs, complete with a frigid little pat on the back. When they got onto the platform, they found Lily's mum and dad straight away but Snape's Mum was nowhere to be found. Lily's father insisted they give Severus a ride since they lived so close but when they got to Spinner's End, both his mum and dad were out. Severus explained that they must have forgotten about him returning today, though he'd written an owl twice this week. Lily's parents looked absolutely shocked that something like this could happen, and Lily's mum, a wistful look in her eyes, let him stay for dinner.
During the summer, Severus and Lily became inseparable, even more than before going to Hogwarts. It was clear now that they could only speak to each other about Hogwarts and really understand, save for the friends that they owled once in awhile. They'd quizzed each other on History of Magic with flash cards, they hung out on the swings in the park while discussing their favorite and least favorite professors, they played Muggle board games at Lily's house, and they complained about not being able to use magic endlessly. Severus became a regular fixture in Lily's home, to the rest of her family's chagrin, or at least Petunia's. Lily's mother and father liked him okay—they asked him tons of questions about being from a wizarding family. He wouldn't say so, but Lily was amused to see that he liked the attention. Still, her parents were skeptical of his gloominess and worried about the general effect it would have on Lily. At least that was what they said openly. Lily overheard them whispering in the living room one night that summer while they thought she and Tuney should be sleeping.
"…not quite sure she's ready to deal with that sort of situation. She's so positive and cheery about life, it will surely bring her down. It can't be long before he starts opening up about it—perhaps he all ready has and she hasn't told us? Oh, Albert, I don't want her to grow up yet… That poor odd boy! But I don't want our Lily to be negatively affected." Her mother sighed.
"I saw them at the market today," said her father quietly. "Severus and his dad. I've seen him come round to the pub, always sits alone. Today was the first time I'd seen them together. He dragged Severus across the store by his shirt collar and yelled at him to pick up the pace. Would have hit him, too, if not for me watching. I made sure he saw me watching. Children their age are supposed to dawdle." Her father gave a sad little laugh. "I think what really set me off was that his father almost looked put together. I mean, definitely not a sharp dresser but his clothing matched and there were no holes to speak of. It made me sick, thinking of how they let that kid walk about in rags."
"I've only spoken to his mother once. A little too young, if you ask me. She talked to me like she wasn't used to having small talk. Kind of like her son, I suppose…"
Lily brushed the wall and made a small sound. Her parents stopped talking instantly. Before she could get in trouble, Lily turned for her door and leapt in bed. She wasn't sure what to think about all of this information. She knew that Severus' family did not get on very well. He'd let on as much when they first started hanging out, on a day when he was late. He'd explained that they argued a lot at his house and that his father despised magic. Apparently, he hadn't known that Snape's mum was a witch when they first met. But that was all Severus had really said. He didn't like to talk about it much. Now all she could think about was the image of his father dragging him across the store. She did not want to ask Severus about it because she was sure he wouldn't want to talk about it. That was the last she heard about his home life that summer. Severus was very quiet about how his summer was going at home, and he'd made her promise to never come pick him up at Spinner's End ever again.