Author's Note: Lots of thanks for the reviews so far, especially to ConquererWorm and Silver Sailor Ganymede for the constructive and detailed things they've said. I recommend their stories to anyone who is interested in Slytherins and well-written fic- I have enjoyed reading their stories within this month. Also thank you to those of you who are favorite-ing and adding to alerts, though I wish I could know your thoughts. This chapter was especially difficult to write and edit, because I want to make certain that the timeline of events in Snape and Lily's friendship matches up enough to events revealed in DH while still accomplishing the more adult themes I wish to present. To be safe, I've changed the rating to mature, but this chapter is quite innocent in the grand scheme of this fic. It's a very relationship-oriented chapter—Severus and Lily have both just turned thirteen, and their bond is quickly changing. I think I'll mention here that there are a few things in my fics that have always been my "head canon". For one, Lucius has always had an elder brother who outshines him, and Severus a teenage sister (originally, I based this on his memory from OotP where a girl is laughing at him as he rides a bucking broomstick, but in this fic, the situation will be much different). You'll see both of them soon. I hope that these long chapters are not too annoying. Give me feedback if they are—maybe I can find a way to better break up the events. I was going to put in more Marauders, but it makes sense to me that their sparring with Snape will really get bad come third year when they are all a bit more mature, which will be next.
Chapter Five: Way Down
Second Year: January—End of term
"Getting off, getting off
while they're all downstairs,
singing prayers, sing away
He's in my pumpkin p.j.s."
-TORI AMOS
"…And you saw Flint, right? I mean, obviously it was a mistake on his part, but it definitely bought me some time—and Lucius Malfoy! Blimey! I would have thought he'd been tougher on the field but it's just like Rosie coached me—his temper gets in the way of his playing! I can't believe he stopped blocking me all because Brown beat him to that point…" James Potter was giving a play-by-play to all of the second year Gryffindors as they marched up the staircase to their evening Astronomy lesson.
"Bloody hell, Potter, what a great way to win the game!" congratulated a passing Hufflepuff boy, giving James a thumbs-up.
"Slytherin ate dirt, Potter!" agreed Sampson Garfield, a Ravenclaw sixth year.
James grinned at them brightly. "Thanks!" he said, and pushed his bangs out of his face. He turned back to his peers. "So as I was saying, Malfoy—"
"…plays like a Bludger-throwing pansy?" Sirius filled in, laughing amusedly. "Look, James, we were all there, we all saw it. Well, those of us with lives…" He looked at Lily playfully.
"I can't help it if I've been loaded down with work," she said, shrugging. "But it's not like I have to actually be at the games, with the way you babble on and on, Potter—"
"Evans, I can't believe you weren't there," James yelled, shaking his fists at the sky, for what was about the tenth time that week. "You need to be at the next match! You need to! I'll write to Snivelly and ask permission for you to leave his company for a day. Then will you go?"
"I can do what I want to do," Lily replied, "I don't need his permission to do anything." It was true; Severus was always available, and seemed to be free to do anything that Lily wanted.
Mary whispered something to Scarlet and the other girl giggled.
"If you have something to say, Mary, then I think you should just say it to me," Lily snapped. Things had gotten worse between the girls. Lily wondered if Mary was still jealous of her. Lily had begun to spend just a touch more time on her appearance, brushing her hair out and keeping it straight rather than braiding it or sticking it back into a ponytail. And from what Lily had heard, Mary's very brief relationship with Lance Abbott had ended abruptly after he'd noticed her writing Mrs. Sirius Black in the corner of her Defense Against the Dark Arts essay. Whatever the case was, life in the dorm rooms had gotten much more difficult since winter break. Muruvi was Lily's number one ally now, but even she had her doubts about Snape.
"It was quite a good game, James!" said Peter awkwardly, clearly not really aware of what was going on.
Scarlet cast Lily a sideways glance. "Mary thinks Snivellus does own you. She says you've been brainwashed by him—"
"Brainwashed?" scoffed Lily. "Just because he's not—"
"Oh shut up, you lot," said Alice, hurrying ahead of Peter and linking arms with Lily, creating a space between her and Mary. Alice was quite good to have in a tight situation—she was direct but sunny enough that no one seemed to be offended by her. "You all should just forgive each other and stop this fight! If you can even call it a fight! Snape's a little odd, Lily doesn't mind—end of story!"
"Well, when you put it that way, it almost makes sense!" said Sirius. James laughed.
"I'll forgive her when she forgives me," said Mary.
"I've nothing to be forgiven for!" said Lily.
Sirius and James both made faces at each other. "Riiight," said James slowly. "So anyway, about my Quidditch game—"
The other Gryffindors laughed while Mary and Lily walked in angry silence. Who does she think she is? thought Lily. She doesn't know Severus like I do. And he hasn't brainwashed me! I even asked him about the Mudblood thing, and he said he went to Lucius about it! I may be Muggle-born but I'm not stupid, and Mary has just as much said I was! How is that being a friend? At least Severus doesn't treat me like I'm daft…
Astronomy took place on the top most tower of Hogwarts castle, and was taught by Professor Silvania Lovegood, an old witch who bragged about being one hundred and fifteen and "still able to hop on and off me broom!". There was a large flat balcony capable of accommodating several dozen students, as well as telescopes on the perimeter that, when twisted and pulled, gave detailed information on the solar system. Beginning Astronomy was simply getting to know the stars, drawing the solar system and being tested on which constellations were which. Many students attempted to sleep during the night lesson, that is, if they could drown out the sound of Lovegood's peg leg that cracked against the stone floor as she hobbled in and out of the clusters of students, asking questions and initiating conversation.
Lily lay next to Muruvi and Alice, rolling her eyes at Mary and Scarlet, who were giggling at something Sirius was saying. And judging by the way Sirius was hunched over with his dark hair falling in his face, he was doing one of his Gryffindor-famous impersonations of Snape.
"They're so cruel," Lily whispered to Muruvi and Alice. "Severus wouldn't like it if he knew they were doing that—"
"Well, Severus doesn't like much of anything, Lily," said Alice politely.
Muruvi's brown eyes were wide and she shrugged. "I don't want to be involved in this tonight," she said.
Lily sighed, irritated at all of them. "Look, I think what we need to do is start all hanging out together. We could sit next together at the Quidditch matches, or work on Potions together, or—"
Professor Lovegood clomped past them, beginning her lecture.
"Thank Godric," whispered Alice. "No offense, Lily, but these little plans you make up always sound too good to be true."
Lily crossed her arms and stared up at the night sky. She figured that all she needed to do was get everyone together, and they could all try to be friends. Severus could do with some more friends. Better friends. Lily was worried that Severus was beginning to fall into a sort of rotten crowd. He was often hanging out with Lucius. Although Lucius had not spoken directly to her since the "Mudblood" situation, he often sneered widely and waved his fingers at her mockingly. Besides, he was downright snotty to her friends and seemed to go out of his way to catch non-Slytherin students doing things wrong. Severus had also told her he'd been helping Mulciber, Avery and Rosier on their homework, and after the incident with Mulciber referring to her "nice tits", Lily had been embarrassed to even see him in classes, let alone know her best friend was spending more time with him than he had to. Mulciber was Severus' dorm mate all ready. Lily wondered if they ever spoke about girls the way Lily's dorm mates spoke about boys. If Severus was interested in anyone, he did not say though with the way he constantly referred to romantic interaction as "gross", she doubted he would. Still, there were quite a few nice looking girls in Slytherin. Astrid Greengrass was a raven-haired beauty in fourth year who led study sessions on Runes on Saturdays—was that why Severus insisted on going? Rosier was a little bit uncouth but had short, stylish hair and wore pressed designer robes that she bragged had been hand-tailored by elves. Lily wondered if perhaps that was why Severus had offered her lessons in Defense Against the Dark Arts. She felt a little pang of envy. Severus wouldn't teach her dueling and hadn't shown her how to do any curses—and Rosier was as much of a girl as she was (with that annoying little giggle, maybe moreso!), so that couldn't be the issue (and if gender was the issue, Severus should have known by now that Lily was not faint-hearted). Yes, she'd definitely need to press this matter. After all, if Severus was interested in someone, Lily wanted to be the first to know about it.
She tried to clear her mind and listen to Lovegood's lecture, which focused on the full moon (it was out that night) and the importance of reading and tracking moon patterns, in general. The moon looked enormous from the tower, silver and bright. After class, Lily stared after Sirius and Mary who were walking side-by-side and chatting. James was skipping around them singing an obnoxious song he'd made up while Peter laughed.
"I hope Remus gets better," Lily heard Mary say. "He told me he wasn't doing too well…"
"What's that you've got?" Severus asked Mulciber in Charms class, trying to be included. Mulciber was bent over a piece of parchment snickering, and Avery was red in the face from trying not to laugh.
Since the dueling incident with James and Sirius, Severus had been approached by his dorm mates quite a bit more. Though they were far more interested in his knowledge than him, it had felt good to have a group to be part of. Severus edited their work, critiqued their ideas, and often made at least six Galleons a week that he was saving in an old pouch under his mattress. He was hoping that by the end of the year, he could purchase his own Potions set so he wouldn't always have to borrow Lily's—or perhaps his very own owl, although that might be expensive. Rosier drove Severus insane most of the time. She asked a lot of questions and was set on proving that she was one of the boys so much that her jokes always got vulgar quickly and she postured a lot to act tough. Avery was loud-mouthed and obnoxious but could be sort of interesting at times and Mulciber was the most palatable. His prim voice reminded Severus of Lucius, and he was rather intelligent. Still, Severus had found that even Mulciber's sense of humor bordered on boorish much of the time. Today was no exception.
"Lily Evans got a little Christmas gift over break so this is a picture I'm drawing for her to celebrate," explained Mulciber quietly. He pushed over a crude drawing of a girl with huge breasts that had great pink nipples the size of sickles. It did not remotely resemble Lily, except for some carelessly drawn red hair.
Severus stared at the drawing, half-affronted and half-intrigued. "She has green eyes," he managed to say. "Not blue."
Mulciber gave him a very pained look. "What about the boobs?" he asked.
"Yes, what about the boobs?" asked Avery. "I drew the nipples!" he added, as though it were a crowning achievement in the world of grotesque doodles.
"I didn't expect for you lot to have an interest in drawing such things. That's all," Severus said, clearing his throat, but his ears went red. He'd noticed Lily's newly developed breasts, yes, but the obscene drawing made her look much more mature and really did not remind him of her at all. Still, he kept staring at it. "You've made her face much too round," he said.
"Art critic," scowled Mulciber.
"Why are you drawing this anyway?" Severus asked, and his tone was decidedly more annoyed. "Do you fancy her or something?"
Mulciber chortled, rolling his eyes. "No. I like her breasts, though—"
"And you?" snapped Severus to Avery.
Avery made a rude sound like a balloon deflating. "No way! Isn't she a Muggle-born?" he asked.
"It's a shame she is," Mulciber said. "She's quite good to look at."
Severus glared.
"Why are you acting so touchy, Snape?" Avery asked. "You're the one who hangs around her the most! Have a thing for Mudbloods, do you?"
Severus paled, but it was Mulciber who spoke: "More like he wants to get a good long peek at those tits. Right, Snape? I mean, it's not like I blame you. My father said Mudbloods are good for looking, but not for booking."
"We just study together," Severus said, his face a little more wan than usual. "She lives near me at home… I didn't know she was a Mud—"
"We know, Snape," said Avery. "Don't get your knickers in a twist. But don't play innocent. We know you like girls, we've heard you in the dorm—"
"What?" Snape asked.
Avery made an obscene gesture by shaking his fist up and down vertically. "Don't worry. I mean… everyone does it."
"I—I—er—don't," Snape sputtered, vaguely mortified.
"Actually, I've never heard you, but now I know for certain that you like to wank off," Avery said, dissolving into loud laughter.
Severus' ears turned so red that they looked to be on fire. "That was unfair—"
"Who cares?" asked Mulciber. "We all do it."
"All do what?" Rosier wanted to know, having just returned from the loo. She plopped back down between Snape and Avery. "What do you do?"
"Masturbate," hooted Avery.
Severus put his hood over his head and cradled his face in his hands.
Rosier let out her signature high-pitched cackle and shoved Snape's shoulder.
"Don't touch me," he hissed.
"You boys are such perverts," she said appreciatively, ignoring his bitter tone. "Ah, what's this?" She snatched the parchment out of Severus' hands. "Oooh, Evans is looking good!" She laughed delightedly. "This must be your artwork, Vincent."
Mulciber gave a little bow.
"Everything about her looks wrong," Snape said.
"I've an idea," Rosier said, ignoring Snape again, taking out her quill and adding with a flourish, 'To Evans, with love from Longbottom'.
Avery and Mulciber laughed, and Severus had to at least applaud Rosier for picking Frank as the sender. It was ridiculous enough to be slightly funny. Longbottom was practically the nicest bloke in their year. It made Severus a little sick.
"I'll deliver it," Rosier said, and headed toward the group of Gryffindor girls, swinging her hips.
"Wait!" Severus choked out in a whisper. He turned to Mulciber. "If she's going to deliver it, it's obvious it's not from Longbottom!"
"Don't look so panicked, Snape. That isn't the point," grinned Mulciber, leaning back in his chair and watching the scene play out.
Rosier placed the drawing between the two girls, saying loudly," Frank wanted for you to have this." She walked back over to the table of Slytherin boys, her hand over her mouth suppressing giggles.
Muruvi buried her face in her hands, and Lily's shoulders scrunched up. She elbowed Remus, whose head had been lolling back like he was nodding off. Remus snapped awake and she whispered something to him. He rubbed his eyes, turned around and poked Frank Longbottom, who started shaking his head rapidly. Mary MacDonald grabbed the drawing and stared at it. Lily snatched it back, her eyes wide. Xing Chang made a dramatic show of waving his arms and pointing back to where the Slytherins sat. Rosier's laugh rang out, like an obnoxious tolling bell. Mulciber and Avery began to snicker. Lily wheeled around, and the two Slytherin boys tried hard to pull straight faces, but failed, continuing to laugh. Lily's furious gaze shifted to Severus, who hunched his shoulders and feigned ignorance. But then Lily stood up and made her way to their table, her red hair swaying and her feet stomping.
Severus, Mulciber and Avery all gave each other wide-eyed glances, and Avery continued to laugh nervously.
"Which one of you made the drawing?" Lily snapped.
Mulciber's tone was cool and calm. "Ask Longbottom. He's been on about you all morning." His expression widened into a toothy sneer.
"You and your new boobies," said Avery, giggling.
Lily's eyes flashed. "Frank wouldn't draw that! I know it was you, Mulciber!"
"Do you like it?" Mulciber asked innocently, waggling his eyebrows.
Lily's cheeks flushed, and turned to Severus. "And what part did you have in this?"
"None," muttered Severus. "None at all."
"Thanks a lot," mouthed Avery, nudging Snape hard in the ribs.
"Actually," Mulciber said, "Snape checked for accuracy. He said the boobs weren't big enough so I fixed them. Really couldn't have done it without him."
"Shut up," Snape whispered loudly. "No, I didn't! I didn't, Lily!" His black eyes were wide and pleading. He did not care in that moment how he looked to his Slytherin classmates. He just did not want Lily blaming him for the crude drawing.
Lily glared at them. "If you don't leave me alone, Vincent Mulciber, I'm going to report you to Dumbledore! And Slughorn!"
"Be sure to show them the drawing," said Rosier. "I'll bet they'll like it, too!"
Lily's face became extremely red, clashing with her hair. She held up the drawing and flicked her wand at it so that it ripped into a million tiny shreds. "I can't believe you, Severus," she said. "I thought we were friends." She stomped out of the room, her arms folded tightly across her chest.
Professor Flitwick made a motion to go check on her but then got distracted because Peter Pettigrew had just started a small fire.
Mary stood up and seemed to hesitate, and marched across the classroom. "You lot," she said, glaring daggers at the table of Slytherins, "are a bunch of complete and utter berks! How dare you draw that picture! Especially you, Rosier! I'm sure you're just jealous because you're flat-chested!"
Rosier's mouth hung open as Mary left the classroom. "What a cow!" she said, but Severus noticed how she tugged on the front of her robes a bit. Feeling torn, he looked toward the door and then back to the Slytherins. Wordlessly, he got up and walked out of the classroom.
When he got into the hallway, he heard Lily talking angrily from the girls' bathroom. He took a deep breath and then walked right in. Mary had her arm around Lily, whose face was still rather red.
"Ew!" shrieked a voice, and a little ghost girl hopped out of the sink. "A boy!" Severus frowned at her and she dove back down the sink.
Mary and Lily turned to face Severus, both glaring at him, too. "What do you want?" snapped Mary. "You are really worse than I thought—"
"Mary," said Severus, his voice insistent, "it wasn't me, I tried to stop them, I really did." That wasn't quite true, but he had stalled them. He walked toward the girls and Mary held Lily a little closer, waggling her finger at Snape.
"You'd do best to go away," she said dangerously.
"I want to hear what he has to say," Lily told the other girl, and her face was solemn.
Relieved, Severus faced the girls, his eyebrows raised. "I couldn't stop them. It was Mulciber, he's a bit of a pervert it seems, and Rosier—she's the one who wanted to give it to you, and she signed Frank's name." Severus was speaking very quickly, his eyes wide, his hands flailing around to gesture his seriousness.
"How can we really know he's telling the truth?" Mary asked, shooting Severus a glower. "You just said it yourself, Lil, he's been hanging around them more and more—"
"You don't know me, MacDonald—I'm not lying. I see Lily way more than you do, in fact I thought the two of you weren't speaking!" Severus snapped.
"We just made up," said Lily and Mary nodded, smiling.
Girls, Severus thought. "Still, I'm not lying! I was saying what really happened. Anyway, you saw me—I wasn't laughing at all, Lily. I didn't think it was funny! Please believe me-"
"I guess he does seem like it," said Mary, but her tone still carried a note of skepticism.
"I believe you, Severus," nodded Lily. "I'm just… well, I'm just embarrassed, I guess." Her face went red again. "I can't believe they drew that—"
"It didn't look like you, anyway," said Severus.
Mary patted Lily's shoulder. "He's right. It didn't. You're much prettier."
"Much more clothed," added Severus.
Mary raised her eyebrows at him. "Okay… You can go now, Snape."
"Thanks, Sev," said Lily. "Just… just try and forget you ever saw that drawing, all right?"
Severus nodded and backed out of the bathroom. When he got back to class, he lied and told his housemates that he had convinced Lily and Mary that Frank Longbottom had done the drawing.
That night, Severus tried to respect Lily's wishes for him to forget Mulciber's depiction of her but poorly drawn as it was, he couldn't get it out of his head. And even worse, he mentally moved past the scribble and began to imagine the actual Lily naked, something he'd done before in privacy but had not ever been so aware of. Lily was his best friend, and it felt very odd to think of her in this fashion, but Severus could not stop himself. She wasn't Bellatrix or Narcissa, but she was more within his reach in terms of imagining touching her. She would kill you if she found out, he thought guiltily, kill you and then give you a good telling off. I guess Mulciber has a point though. She is good looking, and yes, I do quite like her chest. He stared up at the green canopy that covered his bed, very aware of the erection he was getting. He adjusted his pajama bottoms, and flipped over on his side. Ugh. Not again. And now everyone knows I wank—though I guess it's like Mulciber said, they do it too—I wonder if everyone does do it. I'd ask Lucius but… No, he'd laugh at me. Why is this happening? Lily's my friend.
The breasts kept popping up in his mind though, and he thought about being close to Lily—the times when they played and pushed each other, in the summer when she'd tackled him for scaring her… He imagined her doing that now, with her new breasts filling out her shirt, the nipples the size of sickles, pert. At this mental image, his hand quickly moved inside his pajamas, and he took his member in his hand, quickly pulling it up and down. "Severus, tell me about Azkaban," she'd say, and I'd say, "You're way too pretty for Azkaban." And she'd say, "Thanks for sticking up for me in class today, Severus. You really showed them." And I'd say, "Anything for you, Lily." And, studying Potions after class, and holding my hand, and she says "Well done, Severus" and I touch her down there, whatever's down there I touch… He released and felt the end result, wet and warm, in his palm.
She's definitely going to kill me, was his last thought before crumpling into a disconsolate ball and falling asleep.
"Mary, it was really nice of you to help me today even after we'd been rowing," said Lily after dinner. Her Gryffindor housemates had done a lot that day to make her feel better: Alice had let Lily borrow her special quill, Muruvi had asked Rosier for her piece of their friendship bracelet back, Sirius made a doodle of Mulciber with a small sausage for a member (this did not make Lily feel better, but it was quite humorous to look at), and Frank had "accidentally" dumped liquid warts down Avery's front in Potions. But the best was Mary, who had really come around and stood up for Lily despite their differences.
The black-haired girl smiled. "You're my best mate, even if you do have terrible taste when it comes to Severus. I guess I'll just try to put up with him. But if he so much as looks at you shifty, I'm not going to trust him."
Lily gave her a hug and grinned. "Thanks, Mary. I'm glad we're talking again."
"Me too," Mary said. "I have sooo much to update you on! Sirius and I have been hanging out, mostly we talk about Quidditch. We like the same team—the Harpees! And he's rubbish in History of Magic because he always falls asleep so I trade him my notes for his Defense Against the Dark Arts essays, and then we go over our work to make it look like we didn't copy each other! And he and James are so funny, and Remus is the sweetest, and Peter… Well, he's Peter—oh, and I never got to tell you about Lance! Well, we had a good run but he got awfully jealous that I hang round so many blokes, and I just don't like jealousy, it's no good for a relationship, and so I binned him, but before I binned him…" Mary paused dramatically and smiled. "We kissed," she said so loudly in Lily's ear that Lily's shoulders tensed up.
"Really?" asked Lily, despite herself. "How was it?"
"It was good. I mean, he was very nervous and extremely sweet. It kind of annoyed me, really. I had to basically grab his face and force my tongue in his mouth!" Mary said loudly.
"You kissed with tongues?" Lily asked.
"Well, yes," said Mary. "It was really, really interesting. I miss the kissing, but I don't miss him so much. I think Sirius and I are on a good path, and if we're not, there's always Remus, ooh—he's mysterious—"
"Severus thought Remus fancied me," Lily said without thinking.
"What?" Mary yelled, grabbing Lily's hand. "When? Why?"
Lily thought for a moment. "Erm… Before Christmas break? Severus saw some letters Remus wrote me over last summer and he got all weird about them-"
"YOU NEVER TOLD ME!" squealed Mary. "Ooh! This is so exciting! You two should definitely go together! Oh, it would be ever so cute! What did his letters say? I want to see them! Please Lily! Show me!" And then more dangerously, "SHOW ME!"
Lily shook her head. "The letters are just letters… Sev wasn't thinking right. And anyway, I don't fancy him like that. It's like I told Severus, we're only friends. Remus is very smart and kind but I'm not interested, so if you are, you should—"
But Mary cut her off. "Oh, but you'd be such a good couple! I can ask Sirius, he spends a lot of time with Remus—and… Wait. What does Snape care if you fancy him or not?"
"Severus gets like that about things sometimes. It's just who he is. We're best friends—I mean, he's my best bloke friend," she corrected, at Mary's obviously wary expression, "and I think he was worried he'd be replaced…"
"Sounds like someone fancies you, Lily," Mary said, and giggled. "I'll have to tell Sirius, that's too funny—"
"Who?" Lily asked, and then, "Severus? No! Severus doesn't like me." She looked at Mary pointedly. "And don't tell Sirius anything."
"If he doesn't fancy you," said Mary," he sure does do a good job of acting like it. Lily, it wasn't me! Lily, I didn't do it! Lily, Lily! Oh Lily!" She furrowed her brow and puckered her lips.
Lily rolled her eyes and laughed. "Ha! Severus doesn't fancy me. I know that for a fact."
"For your sake, I hope not. Can you imagine snogging Severus Snape?" Mary said, and pretended to choke herself.
Lily did imagine it for a second, and she blushed. Mary was right. It was rather a bizarre mental image. She wondered if he'd put his tongue in her mouth. And what would he do with it once it got there? Would he keep his hands awkwardly at his side? Would he keep his eyes open? "No," Lily said instantly, and laughed. "I can't."
"Arachumanchala," bellowed Lucius, pointing his wand with a flourish at Severus' feet. They were dueling in the community study room in the dungeons, which Lucius had been reserving for them weekly. Although Mulciber and the others had asked about joining, Severus pretended like he did not understand their inquiry. The time spent dueling with Lucius was something Severus had come to savor—Lucius was his friend and he did not particularly want to share him with Mulciber, Avery and Rosier, who were all ready much cooler in the Slytherin social circle than he. He hated to think what might happen if Lucius ended up liking them more than him. Particularly Vincent Mulciber.
Severus' skin began to crawl, as though a million tiny spiders were crawling up his body and biting him. His neck, legs, feet, and neck tingled with pain. He pulled up his left sleeve, scratching with pain, and realized that there were thousands of teeny, tiny welts.
"Lucius!" yelled Severus, breaking the flow of dueling for a moment. "This is awful—it's so bloody great!"
"Learned it from my brother. He used to use it on me while I was sleeping. I had nightmares about getting eaten alive and would wake up to him laughing," Lucius said with a dark grin, posed with one foot in front of the other, his dark robes billowing around him. "So, how are you going to get me back? Quickly, Severus, come on—"
"Proboscis mizzulus," Severus said, gritting his teeth—the little pinpricks were aching, he felt feverish.
Lucius wiggled his nose and then covered it. "Damn it, Severus," he said, although he was sneering. "This is disgusting!" Yellow mucus leaked out of his nose as if he were in the midst of a terrible cold. His voice became nasally and he cleared his throat, pulling a handkerchief out of his robes and blowing his nose, disgusted. "Ugh, ugh, ugh!" he exclaimed.
Severus snickered—the spider curse had worn off and his body had quit tingling. "You don't look so smart with bogies running all over your face," he said triumphantly.
Lucius' eyes flashed, the last of the snot dribbling down his otherwise dapper profile. Clearly he did not find that remark amusing. "I'll show you—proboscis vino spurtus—"
Out of Severus' hooked nose flowed a steady stream of dark blood. Severus leaned his head back; blood was dripping out of his nose, drenching his front, dribbling down his chin as though he'd been punched repeatedly. Through the blood, Severus' crooked teeth formed into a wide, appreciative leer, his coal eyes wide. "Whoa," he said, pinching his nose. "You must teach me how to get this one perfect, I wanna practice..."
Lucius conjured him a small towel and helped him clean up his robes. "I cannot believe you made snot run out of my nose. You really are a little arse."
Severus kept grinning. The door flung open.
"Helloooo, fellows!" exclaimed a merry voice, and then, much less cheerfully, "dear, dear, Snape, you look an ugly mess! Were you two brawling? Oh my!" Gilderoy Lockhart sashayed into the room, dressed in the school uniform of black robes but wearing a flashy royal blue scarf and matching blue dragon hide boots.
"No," snapped Severus, grimacing.
Lucius quickly patted his face again with the handkerchief, obviously making certain that he had gotten all of the bogies off. "Hello, Gilderoy," he simpered. "I daresay, if you had chosen a scarf one shade brighter, I'd be forced to think you were begging for attention."
Lockhart either misunderstood Lucius' tone or was a moron, because he threw back his head and gave a charming laugh that made Severus recoil in annoyance. "I thank you for that backwards compliment, Lucius. If you should like to borrow it sometime, you need only ask, though it may wash out your pale features. So tell me, if you weren't engaging in a fight, why is Snape all covered in blood?"
"Because I like blood," was Severus' retort as he glared at Lockhart.
Lockhart gave a dramatic shudder and forced a laugh. "How entirely gothic—how Slytherin! How sweet! Ha ha ha!"
Severus glowered and rolled his eyes. Will nothing shut this bastard up?
"I am teaching Severus how to properly duel," said Lucius, stepping toward Lockhart and patting Severus' shoulder," he is having some trouble with a few Gryffindor bullies."
Severus kicked Lucius lightly in the shin; he did not want Lockhart of all people knowing about their dueling, let alone the fact that Severus was getting picked on, although it really wasn't a secret. Lucius began to squeeze Severus' shoulder a bit too tightly.
Lockhart strode over, his blue eyes wide with concern. "Oh Snape! How abysmal. No wonder you clad yourself in such gloomy attire and slump your shoulders so! I also know how to duel. I could help, being that I've been dueling since I was quite young—my mother was ever so proud of me, I know hundreds of classic curses—"
"How young?" Lucius snapped, stepping in front of Severus, who peeked out from behind the blonde boy's shoulder.
"Four or five, I believe," Lockhart said, a finger on his chin as though in serious deep thought. "There are photographs, though they were possibly destroyed in the house fire that happened whilst I was living—"
"Four or five?" cut in Lucius softly, and then smiled, his tone syrupy and thick. "It's impressive you knew wandless magic that young, Gilderoy. Some adult wizards cannot master that! Isn't that amazing, Severus?"
Snape kept the same angry expression and said nothing. Lucius was so bent on proving Lockhart wrong but it really made no difference to Severus whether or not it was the truth. Lockhart was just an irritating bore.
Lockhart looked composed, but Snape noticed that his cheeks were a little bit pink. Liar, liar, thought Severus. Lockhart cleared his throat. "Well, you know, I was quite a smart child—"
"What do you want, anyway?" Snape interrupted, and he did not hide his impatience.
"Right, right, right!" Lockhart proclaimed, grinning widely again and turning to Lucius. "I was sent down here to find you by Astrid. She was wondering if you would like to meet up with us for a double date in Hogsmede this weekend, and I said, Lucius has no girlfriend and it would pain me to remind him of that fact, but I shall ask anyway to appease you—"
Lucius nodded abruptly. "That sounds quite good. I will be there."
Lockhart looked amused. "With whom, friend?" he paused and then guffawed. "With Snape?"
Severus glared up at them both. "Fuck you, Lockhart," he said.
"Who taught you that word?" said Lockhart, looking horrorstruck.
"Severus, you sound so common," Lucius said snootily. "Anyway, Gilderoy, it should not surprise you to know that someone has been catching my fancy, and I hers. I shall go ask her right away. And we'll be going to Siren's Pointe," he added, referencing a very classy restaurant on the border of Hogsmede," I trust you can afford that?"
Lockhart beamed, and adjusted his scarf. "Oh, Lucius. You are positively too much. I cannot wait—that is, if you can convince the girl—"
"Well, come on then," Lucius said, and strode out of the door. Lockhart and Snape exchanged glances, and both followed after him. Severus had to see where Lucius was going with this, and he also was not keen on Lockhart moving in on his friendship with Lucius. Lockhart may have been debonair, but he was foolish when it came to dark magic. Lucius and I actually have important things in common, Severus thought bitterly, jogging after the older boys, and besides, Lucius doesn't trust Lockhart enough to tell him stuff. He wanted to keep it that way.
They took the spiral staircase that led deeper into the dungeons, toward the Slytherin common room. Lucius gave the password, and then said, "Wait here." Severus crossed his arms; he wanted to be in on what was going on, but instead he was stuck standing outside of the common room with Gilderoy.
"Lucius really should not have taken up the reputation of lady killer last year," said Lockhart sadly. "He'll never date in this school again. Reputation is very important, Snape. Remember that."
Severus rolled his eyes and folded his arms.
Lucius emerged, and behind him was none other than Narcissa Black, her blue eyes wide with uncertainty.
She closed the portrait and looked, confused, at the three boys. "Why is Snape covered in blood?" she asked.
"Never mind that," said Lucius, and then, sort of menacingly," I brought you out here to ask you a question."
Severus watched Narcissa wince at Lucius' harsh tone. "Did I… am I in trouble?"
"No, I am here to ask you to accompany me on a date tomorrow to Siren's Pointe with Astrid and Gilderoy." It was more of a threat than an invitation, in Severus' opinion. Lucius nearly towered over the small girl, and she stared up at him as though he was going to reprimand her.
But suddenly, his tone seemed not to bother her so much. Her fair, pretty face lit up into a girlish smile. "Oh, Lucius!" she said seriously. "I—I—I'd absolutely love to!"
Severus stared at the way she was looking at Lucius; he was more than a little envious of Lucius' commanding and effortless way of speaking to her. Gilderoy wore an expression that was difficult to read, but it quickly formed into a toothy grin. "Excellent!" he said.
Lucius stared down at Narcissa and simpered. "Good. Be ready tomorrow—"
"What time?" she asked.
"I'll fetch you when I'm ready," Lucius said, with a wave of his hand.
"All—all right!" Narcissa nodded hastily.
"See you tomorrow," said Lucius with a little sneer, and then, tapping Severus on the shoulder a little harder than Severus thought necessary, he led the way up the stairs. Severus threw a backwards glance at Narcissa—she was staring up at them, wringing her hands and smiling.
As they walked up the stairs, Gilderoy gave an annoying "round of applause", forming a circle as he clapped his hands. "Well done, mate. Though, she is a bit young, isn't she? Third year?"
"Not too young," Lucius said, with a shrug. "Besides, she is extremely good looking."
"You do have a point there," said Gilderoy. "Don't you think so, Severus?"
"I have no opinion on that," Severus said stiffly, attempting desperately to hide the jealousy he was sure was evident on his face. There was nothing logical about it; he had absolutely no chance with Narcissa. But for Lucius to be dating yet another captivating girl—it made Severus feel quite young and laughable.
"No opinion on girls?" Lucius said contemptuously. "On the contrary, Severus is very interested in girls. It's all right, Severus. It's just us blokes."
Severus shot him a desperate look. Why was Lucius acting so embarrassing? It was as though he was doing it on purpose.
"You know, Snape," said Lockhart, "when I was a second year, I was knee deep in little girlfriends. Nothing serious, of course, but it was very nice. If you put a little more care into your appearance, you could—ah—well, you could try to find someone who'd take you. I'd offer my services but I daresay we have opposite taste in what is fashionable, and no offense but you have your work cut out for you."
"I don't care how I look," said Severus so strongly he believed it. "I care about school work. And dueling."
"Ah, so sensible," said Lockhart merrily. "Well, the dark and ominous vibe is certainly appealing if one pulls it off right, but it seems you skipped mysterious and brooding and went right for gloomy and disgruntled! Ha ha! Your hair could do with a bit of work, and did you know that there are potions to help cure acne? I'd have thought that with your precision for the subject, you'd have been brewing those long ago!"
Lucius stared at Severus, saying nothing—why wasn't he coming to Snape's defense? Was he enjoying this? Severus was gritting his teeth, humiliated. "I told you—I don't care! Unlike you, I have better things to do—"
"I think it's a bit appalling that you spend so much time with this er- boy," said Lockhart to Lucius, over Snape's head. His tone was condescending and different than usual—less stupid. "Have you thought about how it looks?
"You wanker," said Severus through clenched teeth.
"No offense, Severus, but Lucius and I are different—"
Lucius put his hand back on Severus' shoulder. His tone was lazy. "Severus is a talented student for a second year, Gilderoy. Go on, Severus—isn't he making you angry? What are you going to do? Don't wait around—"
Severus looked up at him, confused, and then suddenly, he understood. Lucius had not been actively trying to embarrass him—it was a test. He searched for what Lucius had taught him that evening, ran through several curses in his mind and then pointed his wand.
Lockhart chuckled. "Snape! I hardly meant offense—"
"Stance, Severus," reminded Lucius, pushing Severus' shoulders down. "Speak in a low, clear voice, now!"
"Arachumanchala!" Severus cried out, pointing his wand with a flourish.
Lockhart panicked, actually dropping his wand on the ground. "Owww!" he cried out, scratching his arms. Severus watched with a small grin—he could still imagine the horrible burning and it pleased him that the spell had worked, and on the first try. Lockhart pulled up one of his trouser legs to reveal dark welts and he whimpered, biting his lip. He stared at Severus and Lucius with scared eyes.
"So, I'll be seeing you tomorrow, Gilderoy?" said Lucius crisply with a smile. "I will speak to you about the details tomorrow morning at breakfast. How does that sound?"
Gilderoy looked between Severus and Lucius, and nodded. "But of course," he said, putting on a false smile. "Goodnight." He snatched up his wand and hurried down the corridor.
Severus and Lucius broke up into laughter.
"Well done, Severus," Lucius beamed, his arm around Severus' shoulder. "Though I'm sure you can do better with practice. Still, you hit him quite hard. Did you see his face?"
Severus grinned up at Lucius through his hair, feeling more valued than he ever had. "Thanks, Lucius!" he said excitedly, and when his voice came out as a squeak, he hardly noticed.
"I cursed Gilderoy Lockhart last night," Severus told Lily excitedly. They were walking through the castle courtyard, hopping over mud puddles. "Lucius taught me how, but only once. And then I did it, all on my own." He'd been smiling a lot more that day, which had made several of their peers quite nervous. Lily had noticed, and hadn't gotten around to asking why, but this made sense. It was often curious sorts of things that would make Severus happy.
Lily couldn't help but grin back at her friend's uncharacteristically goofy smile, lopsided due to his bad teeth, his black eyes hidden partially by his hair, which made him look slightly deranged. "Severus, you are so strange," she said. "You hate Christmas and your birthday, but cursing someone makes you so happy!"
"I just don't like people singing happy birthday or making a big deal of it, it's dumb. Same with Christmas carols," he said quickly. "But…don't you want to know how I did it? I used this spell from Malfoy, this one that makes you feel like bugs are biting you, and Lockhart just ran away!" Severus announced proudly, and then squinted at Lily's blank expression. "Don't you think that's funny? Come on! Now don't go telling me that I should leave him alone, he's a damned wanker! Lucius agrees with me, though he didn't say so."
"Severus!" Lily exclaimed, laughing a little nervously. She was still getting used to how much coarse language her friend had begun using. "Though… I suppose you're kind of right. I just don't approve of Lucius Malfoy either, really. Why does he have to teach you such nasty spells?"
"Why would I want to learn nice spells?" Severus asked, with woe in his voice. "It's dueling, Lily, not Charms—"
"Hey, I like Charms! But still, I just don't get how you spend so much time with Lucius—"
"He likes me," said Severus, as though she was thick for not understanding.
"What did he say after you told him I didn't like being called a Mudblood?" Lily asked.
Severus made a face like he didn't understand.
"Severus, I told you to tell him and you said you did, but we never spoke about it!" Lily said, giggling a bit at his apparent short-term memory.
"Oh right. He said… He said he's sorry," Severus said weakly, and he most definitely did not meet Lily's eyes.
Lily gave him an incredulous look. "You never said anything did you? Severus! You shouldn't have lied to me! I was telling Potter how you went to Lucius and told him how I felt, and you never even did it!" Lily realized as she was talking that she was not all too surprised, though a little disappointed. The last thing she needed was the Gryffindors realizing that Severus had duped her.
"Potter? What's Potter have to do with this?" snapped Severus.
"He said you wouldn't tell Lucius to stop and you didn't," Lily said, just as snappily, "so I suppose he was right about something—"
"HE WASN'T RIGHT!" shouted Severus. "He's not right about anything! He's horrible!"
"Oh honestly, Severus, I agree with you! But I wish you would have spoken to Lucius—"
"We don't speak about you. You've never come up," Severus said simply. "If he calls you that again, I'll be sure to tell him."
"That's nice," Lily said sarcastically.
"It's just—we don't," Severus shrugged. "No offense." He made a gesture with his wand like he was preparing for a duel.
"You should practice dueling with us Gryffindors sometime," said Lily, trying to change the subject to something more positive. She felt slightly guilty for momentarily ruining Severus' good mood. Whether it was for an odd reason or not, he was hardly ever this high in spirits.
Severus scrunched up his face. "Lucius wouldn't like that—"
"No, I mean just you. It could be fun!" She read Snape's bitter expression instantly: "No, Sev, I mean with me and the girls—not with Potter and Black—"
"And how do you think I'll look, teaching a bunch of girls to duel?" Severus wanted to know. "You just know I'll get picked on for it."
Lily stopped in her tracks. It was a perfect opportunity to ask him about everything she had been thinking about. "What about Evan Rosier? You seem to be keen on teaching her dueling and helping her on her homework, and you keep avoiding me when I want to only see some of your dueling spells! Do you fancy Rosier, Sev? You can tell me, you know, though I won't forgive you after what happened the other day…" She was half-kidding, but stared at him intensely. Severus had been really good about not mentioning the drawing incident, and she'd noticed that he never looked at her chest. She figured he'd never even noticed it in the first place.
"Rosier?" Severus scoffed. "She's got the worst voice of anyone I've ever met. And she smells like awful perfume."
"Good, I was about to die if you said you fancied her. She's such a brat!" Lily laughed. Severus certainly did have a knack for voicing the unpleasant truth. "Well, why are you teaching her and not me?"
Severus gave her a funny look. "I'm not teaching Rosier to duel. Not yet anyway. It's only Lucius and me. I help Rosier, Mulciber and Avery on their Defense homework. I didn't know you wanted to know so bad. I'll show you right now!" he said, sounding inspired, his black eyes big. "Our test isn't due until next week, anyway."
"Okay," nodded Lily excitedly. So it truly wasn't about Rosier. Lily was a bit relieved. She could stomach Severus helping that group with homework, but if he were only doing it to impress snobby Rosier, it would be different. They walked out a bit farther, past Hagrid's hut and toward the Forbidden Forest. They dumped their schoolbooks and Lily's bag on a rock, and Lily grabbed for her wand but Severus stopped her.
"Lucius didn't let me use mine the first couple times. You have to work on footing and stuff," he said. Lily was a bit disappointed, but complied. Severus showed her a few different ways to stand, and showed her how he could dramatically fling his wand out his sleeve. "He taught me that," Severus explained proudly. "Of course, he does it a lot better—"
"It's quite good, Severus," Lily said, and applauded, grinning. Severus looked embarrassed but pleased. He told her to try, and she mimicked his footwork and arm gestures, squatting low and then popping up and raising up her wand-arm. It was inspiring to see her usually exasperated friend so spirited and upbeat. It almost made her thankful for the time he was spending with Lucius—obviously Malfoy was doing something right and charitable by getting Severus' confidence up.
"Now you try it with a wand. Don't do any spells though," Severus said, and watched her as she ran through the exercises again. She was good at the footwork; it was almost like a dance. But when it came time to pull out her wand, it went dropping out onto the grass. Severus shook his head. "See, you can't stop caring—you have to be real focused on everything all at once, because someone could be aiming crazy curses at you while you're trying to grab your wand—"
"Who is going to be cursing us, Severus?" she wanted to know, amused.
"You never know what people are going to do. I can't be sure about Potter and Black ever," he explained. "If I drop my wand, I'm doomed."
"They're just pranks, though, Severus. They're not trying to kill you," she said.
"Pick up your wand and try it again. Here, I'll help you," Severus replied curtly, and Lily nodded, wondering if Severus really did perceive James and Sirius as a threat. They weren't. They were just arrogant and show-offy, which was bad enough. She wondered whether Severus wasn't becoming a bit too obsessed with this self-defense idea. Still, she picked up her wand and pulled back her arm, putting herself in the first position Severus had taught her. He stood behind her and directed her on what to do.
"Like this?" she asked, and snapped her wand out. She smiled, and turned her head over her shoulder. "I did it, Sev!" She did a sort of victory dance.
He gave a small smile. "Sorta," he said, and got a little closer to her. She could feel his breath on her neck, his chin lightly touching her shoulder. "Here," he said, and used his right arm to pull her arm back toward him. He put his left hand gingerly on her back. "Lucius showed me this…You should be pulling more from your elbow, and not your shoulder, it's quicker. And move your back with it when you do it," he instructed. She realized that his arm was shaking as he moved hers around, but she ignored it. She pulled back hard as he directed her arm, bumping into his torso.
She laughed, "Sorry"-
"S'okay, just keep focusing," he said quietly. His left hand moved to her waist, and he showed her how to swivel her hip to the side as she moved into second position. Lily was suddenly very aware of Severus' hands on her waist and arm, his whisper in her ear, his hot breathing on her neck. She thought about asking him to let go, and then decided she did not want him to. But she felt like if she drew attention to it, it would just make all of it way more obvious. It was stupid to feel weird about it, wasn't it? Severus was her friend, after all. Friends helped each other all the time; this just meant she was having fun, right? The feeling was hard to pinpoint. It had a lot to do with his breath on her neck when he spoke to her. It gave her a strange tingling feeling between her legs, and she realized how she'd been holding her breath. Mary's voice rang in her head: Can you imagine snogging Severus Snape? She finally exhaled, and Severus moved back away from her. Strangely, Lily got a feeling of disappointment that he had stepped back. She worried maybe he'd noticed, noticed the heat radiating out from her.
"It's your first time," he said, "but you did pretty well. Next time, maybe you can try out some curses." He was looking directly at her, and his gaze, as usual, was intense. She normally figured he was just staring awkwardly because he couldn't think of what else to say. But this time it was obvious he was simply staring at her face. Lily's cheeks became flushed and she looked away.
"Something wrong?" he asked, interrupting the silence.
"No. Nothing's wrong," she smiled, but she felt a bit distracted. And, now that she thought about it, rather embarrassed for no real good reason. Severus' furrowed brow, his large black eyes, his stooped shoulders—he looked uncomfortable as always, nothing was different. "I have to go, I forgot—I forgot something," she said quickly, and pushed past him. She couldn't shake the feeling. Something was different.
"Fine, then," he called after her sulkily. "Bye, Lily. See you later?"
"Proboscis vino spurtus!" Severus bellowed. The spell ricocheted off the dorm room mirror and hit Ethan Middleton, who had just entered the room. Crimson blood poured out of Ethan's nose and he gasped in horror.
"What've ya done to me?" he cried.
Mulciber and Avery cracked up laughing and Severus grinned wide.
"I DID IT!" he shouted happily, and his eyes were very dark and glassy.
"Cool," said Mulciber, looking envious. "Show me next."
The only sounds in the second year girl's dorm in Gryffindor were Scarlet snoring, and Muruvi's wrist watch ticking. Lily lay awake, her mind racing with thoughts of the past few weeks. Gaining Mary back as a friend had made life run much more smoothly, and Lily hated to admit it, but she was a lot more interested in Mary's conversation topics than she used to be. By no means did count herself as a boy crazy nut like Mary was, but Mary's comments about snogging had made her awfully curious. Lily had been admiring several handsome boys over the course of that year, and she had only just been able to put her feelings to words.
"What do you think of Amos Diggory?" Mary had asked that morning at the Quidditch match against Gryffindor and Hufflepuff.
Lily shook her head. "Too much of a show off. I hate the way he always talks himself up so big."
Mary sighed. "What about his LOOKS?"
Lily shrugged. "I suppose he's all right. I rather like dark hair, though."
Mary looked at the back of Sirius' head, for he was sitting in the next row. "Dark hair is dishy," she grinned. "Well, who do you like then?"
Lily watched the players swoop in and out of the ring. "I suppose Wendell Perkins is good looking—"
"Yes, he is," Mary agreed. "Yum yum!"
Muruvi ducked her head in. "Lucius Malfoy," she said. "I know he's awful, but you have to admit—"
Lily shook her head. "Ugh, he's the worst! He's so into himself! And so mean!"
"I like his hair," Muruvi said quietly.
"You like evil boys," said Mary," Muruvi likes bad boys!"
Muruvi turned bright pink. "No, I don't! Not really!"
"So what if she does? I like Parkinson… he's got nice eyes," said Scarlet.
"EYES!" Mary yelled. "How can you get past that weird little nose of his?"
Scarlet looked at Mary with her eyebrow raised. "This coming from Mrs. Sirius Black."
Sirius turned around. "What?"
Mary and Scarlet shrieked and giggled, Muruvi turned redder, and Lily grinned.
"Every day, they get more and more mad," Sirius told James.
In Lily's mind, she compared the boys she and her friends had spoken about. She thought Wendell Perkins was attractive in a quiet, rugged way. He was a sixth year, and he carried himself well, with chin-length brown hair that fell in his face. She knew nothing else about him, though. She imagined him asking her out on a date, but that seemed too far-fetched. Still, she felt that strange pulsing between her legs. It felt kind of fun to imagine what it would be like to go out with a boy. She imagined snogging Perkins and blushed, rolling over on her stomach. She wondered if any boys besides Mulciber and Avery had noticed her body. Any boys that weren't perverts. Maybe Remus Lupin did like her. She considered that prospect, but it did not excite her nearly as much as it did Mary. Remus was nice and good-natured but she didn't get that weird, burning-up feeling when she thought about him.
There in the dark, she wondered what sex actually was. She'd never heard her parents, and her mother had described it as "something a husband and a wife do when they are in love" but Lily was beginning to have her doubts as to that being the main requirement. Mary had told her that week about how Sirius' wild cousin Bellatrix Black had "done it with half the boys in fifth year and up" before she'd graduated. "Done it?" Lily had asked. "You know," said Mary, "shagged." But Lily didn't know. Not really. Her parents always turned off the telly when programs got too raunchy. Petunia screamed when couples kissed in public and hid her eyes, and Lily's mother and father were affectionate, but not at all sexual. Her new breasts, the talk of snogging, thinking about attractive blokes—it was all very surreal and confusing. Lily had a lot of questions about what happened during sex. She knew that a boy had to put his penis inside her, but how in the world did that happen? Did he lie on top? Did they stand up? What did it feel like? Mother said not to do it. Mother said it would hurt too much. It sounded kind of scary.
Slowly, Lily rubbed the front of her waist onto the mattress, pulling the lower regions hidden beneath her light green nightgown across the bed. She wondered if sex was like that, just a boring, back and forth pattern. It felt a little nice, but she felt silly for doing it.
"Sev, what do you know about having sex?" asked Lily very matter-of-factly the next week.
Severus, who had been in the midst of copying out his answers to his final report on werewolf transformation and was holding a spare quill in his teeth that had a smaller point made for fine details, spat it out promptly. Ink splattered all over his parchment. "Bloody thing," he muttered and did a charm to wipe up the ink. He wiped his mouth, and a stripe of black ink smudged his face.
Lily raised her eyebrows at him. "You… er- here," she said, and gestured at her own cheek.
"Oh!" he said, and wiped it off with his robes, which only resulted in creating a longer streak of ink. Lily scooted closer and used her own cloak sleeve to dab at his face, wiping ink out of the crease between his nose and eye. "Thanks," he said, with his head bowed.
"Sorry," she replied, and laughed, a bit nervously. "I didn't mean to catch you off guard."
"Oh," he said again, and cleared his throat. "You didn't. I was just…I—I didn't know you'd—well, I wasn't expecting it. I don't know. I mean, I know… I know—" he trailed off, looking a little green.
"It's not like… it's not like I think about it," Lily explained, and now her ears were red. "It's just, well, Mary got herself a boyfriend a while back, you may have known, and she told me they snogged, well, they snogged—but with… they used their tongues, and I just—well, I didn't… I mean, I've just been… Forget I said anything." She realized that this was possibly the most uneasy she'd ever sounded in front of Severus, perhaps since learning about being a witch.
"It's okay," he mumbled, looking down at the table in front of them instead of meeting her eyes. Across the library, some seventh year Hufflepuff girls in a study session broke up laughing. Lily and Severus both stopped talking and pretended to watch the girls.
"And so Professor Raughvaught said that he'd tell her, but you know he probably wouldn't want to make her feel bad!" exclaimed one of them.
Severus kept his body angled toward the Hufflepuffs and asked quietly: "What're you bringing that up for?"
Lily looked at her book. "Just asking. I mean, I'm not trying to be annoying or anything—"
"You aren't annoying," Severus said solidly. "It's just—I mean…"
"I don't even think my parents have sex," Lily put in quickly, trying desperately to find a way to direct this conversation while still appearing casual. "My mum said only married people do, but I've never seen them or heard them—"
Severus snickered quietly, despite looking uncomfortable. "Your parents are so proper, though. Like you'd hear them."
"Well, do yours?" Lily wanted to know, flipping her book to random pages and pretending to study them.
"When Dad's around, sometimes yeah," Severus nodded. "I hear it… I saw them before too, I got in loads of trouble by my dad—" he stopped talking as though the memory were painful. In fact, he hadn't thought about it for years. He'd nearly forgotten, tried to put it out of his mind.
"You saw them? What was it… what was it like?" Lily's voice was becoming a whisper.
"You're barking," said Severus. "I can't tell you."
"Why not? We're friends!"
"Just because," said Severus.
"We used to talk about everything," said Lily.
"Not this," said Severus, so hunched over that his face was invisible behind his hair. "It's weird I saw them. I didn't mean to. Didn't know quite what they were doing at first. I thought he was hurting her." He cleared his throat. "I was pretty little, you see."
"My mother says sex always hurts for girls," Lily said. "I just don't get how it works."
"Derno," said Severus. He tried to block out the thought of his father behind his mother, the memory of getting backhanded once his father had put on a robe, "You little fucking pervert," striking the six year old Severus again and again, "Liked that, did you?" , Severus' hand in his trousers at the edge of the playground, curious, fixated, wanting touch and very afraid of touch—he had put all of this away, he had tried to forget, he didn't want this… He paled and thought instead of Lucius and Bellatrix, Bellatrix's legs around Lucius' back as he stuck his fingers inside her. "Don't think it hurts all the time," he managed to say, crossing his legs and sitting up. His mouth was very dry. "What'd the point be, otherwise?"
"You're right," said Lily, and laughed. At least, she hoped he was.
Severus managed a twitchy smile.
"Oh ho! How wonderful! How positively brilliant!" congratulated Professor Slughorn, as Lily and Severus' healing potion glittered gold in the cauldron. "Perfect! Beautiful! Five points for Gryffindor! Five for Slytherin!"
Lily and Severus beamed at each other. Mulciber glowered at them, most likely because Potter had slopped half their potion on the floor seconds before Slughorn had come round to inspect. Potter did not look very happy either. He whispered something to Sirius and Mary, and they both snickered. "Why don't they just go on and get married and have a lot of greasy know-it-all children?" James hissed loud enough for the other students to hear. Mary bit her lip and hit James with her Potions book, but the rest of the surrounding students cracked up laughing.
"We're just friends," Lily said loudly, sending him a long glare.
"And wonderful friends indeed!" Slughorn nodded proudly, popping up between them and putting his arms around their shoulders. Lily grinned but Severus grimaced, his face pressed into Slughorn's chest. The bell tolled, and all of the others gathered up their things, filing out of the classroom. "Of course, I've been biding my time, waiting, watching your development as students! And now it's positively just too hard to not have you!"
"What's that mean?" mumbled Snape, his voice muffled.
Slughorn patted his shoulder and released them. "You'll be getting invitations this summer but I'd like to officially, finally invite you to join my club—there are monthly events, socials, a formal evening… It's a place for merriment and civilized conversation!" Slughorn's eyes were greedy and wide, staring into their flawless potion. His mustache seemed to be flapping excitedly as he babbled. "Miss Evans, and Mr. Snape, you are two of the very best potioneers I have seen in my time at Hogwarts. Needless to say, I think you'll go far, and I can help you make connections. Yes, yes, I can!"
"Socials?" Severus asked, wrinkling his nose. "Like talking to people and stuff?"
"Oh, you are just too much," Slughorn boomed, letting out a laugh. "A fine sense of humor, this one! I have friends in high places," he continued," and I always like to help special students get ahead. The first event should take place upon the start of term this next year and I just cannot wait!"
As Lily and Severus walked up and out of the dungeons, Severus turned to face her. "So are you going to do it? The Slug Club, thing, I mean? It sounds a little dull—"
"Slughorn's been mentioning it for ages," Lily said. "I would feel bad not going. And besides, it could be fun. You'll come, won't you, Severus?"
"Of course," said Severus quickly. In his haste to agree with Lily he was forgetting, of course, that Lucius Malfoy was a prize member of the Slug Club and made certain to be at every event.