AN: Thank you very much for the feedback last chapter! It was great to read. I'm hoping I can continue hearing from you as the story goes on. I tried to reply to all of you but Joe had reviewed anonymously and I just wanted to respond and give my thanks for that review, and also to say that I think in Severus' mind, he's been sticking up for Lily a great deal. He usually does not get out of his comfort zone to stick up for anyone. I had considered having him defend her even more, but I personally found it more interesting to show how torn he was between Slytherin peer pressure, and standing up for her. Of course, he will grow more attached to Lily as the story goes on and that will show. Thanks for the food for thought!
A big thanks to Silver Sailor Ganymede for their corrections. They used to correct Recall Alice, too, and it's a big help, particularly after editing sessions in the wee hours of the morning with really sore eyes.
This chapter will be a bit different—more choppy and focusing on back-stories and home life. Also, I am just so tickled to introduce my picture of Lucius Malfoy's family. I've been writing them for years but have never officially posted any of that fic. We'll get back to Hogwarts in chapter seven. At this point, you should know what you're in for. This part of the story is going to become more and more focused on sexuality as it goes on. Ugh. Researching puberty is a nightmare. Spontaneous erections, sweat, periods, and acne= major bummers.
Also, sorry it's a bit late again. I wish I could be ready with a new chapter the same day every week, but it's nearly impossible. The best I can shoot for is earlier than this one was! Also, it's more details of the one summer, but… there was a lot I wanted to say.
Thanks for reading! Please review!
Chapter Six: Abnormally Attracted to Sin
"I did not design this game.
I did not name the stakes.
I just happen to like apples.
And I am not afraid of snakes."
-ANI DIFRANCO
"Hello, Petunia," said Lily, as her father opened the door for her. Her sister had grown, looking less like her old schoolyard nickname "Stringbeany" and more like a girl Lily hardly recognized. Petunia was even more opposite looking than Lily than she had been when they were younger. She was fourteen now and straight-backed, with hardly any curves to her body at all and her yellow blonde hair was clipped into a poor imitation of a swing hairstyle. She stared at Lily reproachfully, and set down what appeared to be an ugly brown hat she was knitting.
"Hello, Lily," she said formally. "How was…" she paused, and her nose twitched. "School?"
"School was good. How are you?" asked Lily, grabbing her suitcase from her father and making her way toward the stairs.
"Just fine, thank you," said Petunia frostily, talking as though she was regurgitating rules she'd learned from a book on etiquette rather than addressing her own little sister.
When Lily entered her room, she found it very non-reflective of who she felt she'd become as a person. At Hogwarts, she had no need for her toys or her Muggle magazines, and she was hardly up on Muggle pop culture, save for hearing the records some of her housemates played in the common room. Looking around at the posters of the Monkees, the Beatles, Howdy Doody, and the photographs of Lily hugging her sister and their Muggle friends inLondon, Lily felt a strange disconnect. At once, she gathered up piles of the things she no longer felt useful, and cleaned her room with gusto she'd usually reserved for more amusing activities. Her old stuffed animals were cleared off the shelf and replaced with her Hogwarts school books, Potions set, miniatures of owls that Muruvi had given her for her birthday, a moving photo Mary had given her that depicted Lily with her Gryffindor girlfriends, and vials of different herbs that she'd been able to take home from the Greenhouse. She tossed the photos of her primary school self and Petunia into a garbage bag, along with old schoolwork from primary education. Ruffled dresses, hair bows, heart-covered frocks and long denim school skirts went, too. Lily had made up her mind that she was not a little girl, and she decided she should ask Mother and Daddy if she could be taken to town to shop the very next day. She needed better fitting clothes, more bras, and a way to showcase her newfound individuality. The old clothes and belongings were babyish and she was wholly ready to clean her hands of them.
"What did you learn in school this past term, sweetie?" asked Father at dinner, serving up portions of roast beef and mashed potatoes. "What classes did you take? I know you mentioned it in your letter, but I can't quite recall all of it," he said. Petunia frowned at Lily from the other end of the table.
"Too much to say," replied Lily happily, "so many new and exciting things. I had Astronomy, Potions, Transfigurations, History of Magic, Herbology, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and all perfect marks—"
Petunia made a noise of disapproval. "What about maths and science? What about writing? Do you even know how to write a term paper?"
"Of course I know how!" Lily said indignantly. "There is writing in nearly every class, and we get tested really often—"
"Yes, your father and I have told you, Tuney, if Lily wasn't learning anything useful we simply wouldn't permit her to go to Hogwarts. I've kept in contact with Dumbledore this entire year about it," said Mother, taking a sip of water. "It always sounds like our little Lily is very busy, always studying. Isn't that right, Lily?"
"Oh yes," she nodded, but flinched at the word "little". "Severus and I were meeting nearly three times a week at the end of this term to get everything done."
"You still hang out with that boy?" asked Petunia, and her tone was sour. She stabbed a piece of meat on her plate but did not eat it. "Don't you have any other friends?"
"Of course I do. Don't be stupid—" began Lily, narrowing her eyes, but her father cut her off.
"Now Lily, don't have a temper! You only just got home!" He laughed nervously.
"I'm not having a temper! She's being rude. I have other friends! I've got loads, actually. I only see Severus so much because he hasn't really got anyone else…" She trailed off, and paused to eat a scoop of potatoes.
"I can believe that," said Mother delicately. "Strange boy." She turned to their father. "He had to ride back with us today—his parents seemed to have forgotten him again. He said about three words."
"They probably hoped he'd never come back," said Petunia under her breath. Lily stuck her tongue out at her sister.
"Anyway, I'm very glad you've made other friends. I have to say I was a bit worried. It's good to have a lot of other children to be able to talk to. Especially girls. And you've always been popular," Lily's mother continued. "Poor Severus is the sort of boy who will most likely have no sense of direction in his life, bless him. It's not his fault, but Lily, you're really not the type to get wrapped up in that—are you?"
"He's just not well-liked at all. It's kind of sad," Lily heard herself saying. She felt her cheeks tinge with a bit of pink. Was she telling the truth? Was that what she really thought of Severus? He's good to see once in awhile, but it would be nice if he felt comfortable enough on his own, she thought. If he had other friends besides Malfoy, it would be much easier to get along with him. That way, we'd be able to hang on with a bigger group.
Her face flushed deeper when she internally admitted she liked it better when she and Severus only hung out one-on-one. Other people complicated things—Severus weirded her other friends out, first off, and if other people were around, it just did not seem the same. Lily liked the old idea of the pair of them, practicing their childish wand-less magic in the clearing, playing Azkaban Prison, and talking endlessly about what school would be like. She enjoyed remembering how smart Severus was, how captivating, and how encouraging when he introduced her to the idea of magic and Hogwarts. At school, with other people, things had become complicated. Lily felt bad that Severus was unpopular, but besides trying to include him, she was at a loss for what to do.
They needed to rekindle their old friendship. Perhaps this summer, Severus could help her on her dueling positions? Things could get back to the way they were. No distractions. Considering practicing dueling with Severus, Lily crossed her legs and then uncrossed them. She knew that during the summer, Severus had little to do besides see her and that was a good feeling. She had a consistent friend. It had really made things different when Severus had stayed at Hogwarts last Christmas break. Even when Severus was being sarcastic, Lily found his company pleasurable. He was still a different sort of friend than any she'd ever had. Lily snapped out of her thoughts with a start. When she tuned into the conversation again, Mother was still talking.
"…There's a certain point where it is no longer appropriate to have a boy for a best friend. And so, what are your other little friends' names?"
Lily kept her eyes on her plate. "Mary, Muruvi, Scarlet,Alice—of course, there are a few boys too. Remus and Frank. They're quite nice."
"Remus?" squawked Petunia. "What kind of a name is that!"
"He's very quiet and kind, Petunia. You might actually like him," said Lily.
"I don't make friends with boys," said Petunia. "They're trouble."
"Our Tuney," smiled Mother.
Lily had a strong feeling that this would not be the last time this conversation topic would come up over the summer. She made a decision not to mention the fact that Remus might fancy her, or that Muruvi had made out with Lancelot, that boys at school were noticing her breasts, or that Severus had seen his parents having sex. Lily focused on her dinner quietly, while Petunia went on and on about her newest friends and a boring report for school that she had done. For the first time, Lily felt like she was less of the favorite and more of the family freak.
The next day, Mother took Lily and Petunia outside Cokeworth to do some shopping for summer. Petunia seemed wholly uninterested, and spent the trip with her nose in a magazine that detailed the juiciest gossip of certain celebrities. She only interacted with Lily and Mother to try on a boring, one-piece bathing suit that in Lily's opinion made her look like she had less curves than a baton.
"Oh dear," Mother said to most of the outfit combinations that Lily tried on. "You really have grown." To the shop clerk, she kept inquiring, "Do you have anything a bit baggier around the bust?" Petunia laughed quietly while Lily reddened in the face. In a very short amount of time, Lily had gone up a few sizes and her mother disallowed her from wearing anything "too provocative". Lily was able to fight a winning battle for a sea foam green bathing suit—a two piece. She imagined wearing it around Hogwarts, flashing smiles at passing students. She felt that it made her look very mature. That night, she wore the bathing suit with her sunglasses and pranced around her room, pulling funny faces in her vanity mirror. She pretended she was one of the women in Petunia's magazine, at her private estate in some foreign country. "Yes," she said flirtatiously, looking over her glasses. "Have you met my husband, Wendell?"
"Not you," laughed Tobias from the couch as Severus walked in the front door, carrying his books, his backpack slung over his shoulder. Instantly, his stomach felt queasy. The telly was on full blast, and the parlor reeked of cigarette smoke and rotting food, as though his parents had not been cleaning up the household garbage for weeks. Flies buzzed around the kitchen, alighting on all of the surfaces. "Your mum didn't say you were coming—"
"I wrote her but she never wrote back. She wasn't at the station," Severus said, slamming the door behind him. "So, I got a ride home with Lily—"
"Who's Lily?" barked his father, "and mind that door. And take off your shoes!"
Severus' whole body seethed with irritation, but he kicked off his boots and headed toward his room. "Lily's my best friend," he said quietly but with a distinct tone of defiance. "You'd know that if you cared."
"Don't, don't disrespect me," slurred Tobias, his eyes squinting at Severus as though hardly recognizing him. "Turn around," he said.
"Why?" Severus said, but did as his father requested.
"Fucking hell—you've outgrown your clothes again!" Tobias shouted. "How the hell tall are you? Do you ever stop bloody growing?"
"I'll try to stop then," said Severus coldly. "If it bothers you so much."
Tobias looked at him through bleary eyes, teetering slowly back and forth and then steadying himself on the arm of the couch. "Your damned hair… Christ, you're not a bleeding hippy, are you?"
"I don't think so," Severus responded.
"That would almost be worse than that bloody school you go off to! Do you know how hard it is to try and explain you to normal people? Muggles, I suppose you call us," he said with a derisive laugh.
"You tell people about me? Thought you pretended I don't exist," Severus asked, and his stomach sank even more. This was the biggest exchange he'd had with his father in nearly years, and he could not seem to curb his insolence. It was as though he were reading sarcastic cue cards. Although he had a bad feeling about where that would lead him, it felt strangely satisfying.
"Don't go thinking you're special," Tobias sneered, and picked up a whiskey bottle from the floor, taking a swig. "People in town, they talk… Blokes at work. They ask about my kid, ask why he's never around."
"At work? At the pub, more like," said Severus quietly, before he could resist the urge.
"What was that?" Tobias slurred.
"I derno," said Severus, and gripped his suitcase a little tighter.
"You a man now, are you?" Tobias asked, and his voice rose to its full potential, an alarmingly loud and unkind note that made Severus' shoulders slump, like a Pavlovian dog salivating at the tone of a bell. "How old are you?"
"Thirteen," Severus said, and was disgusted at how meek his voice sounded.
"Thirteen!" Tobias boomed, and Severus shrank against the wall. "Thirteen, and he's a big man! Thirteen years old, and he thinks he's better than his own dad—"
Severus shook his head, his hair swinging. "Don't think I'm better. I just… just want to be alone," he said.
Tobias' sneer widened after he took another swig of the whiskey, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Loner. Just like your goddamned mother. You know, she's the reason it's like this, she's the reason you were born with those crazy magical powers, or whatever the hell you want to call them. If I'd have known—" he paused, snickering to himself—"I'd have told her to go to hell straight away. She thought we were in love, she thought she'd finally found the one all because I was the first bloke to look past her face and really boff her brains out. She hasn't told you this?"
Severus shook his head and flushed. In his head was an angry buzzing sound that seemed to rise from the floor to the ceiling; he tried desperately to focus on a large hole in the wall above the couch. He'd always wanted to know why his parents were together, but not like this. Not from him.
"Yeah, well, if you're all grown up now enough to talk back, you ought to know the truth. Nobody wanted you," Tobias continued, with a faraway look in his black eyes. "Met your mum while she was finishing up at that school—I was only twenty three and I was working a job in London. She saw me sitting near some of her school chums and thought I was like them… Crazy," he added, as an afterthought. "Your mum was different—snippy, a little dark—and willing to do anything I wanted her to. I guess she thought we was seeing each other, except I wasn't exactly looking at it the same way. And she told me about the bloody witchcraft bullshit and I thought, this bird is fit for a straight jacket, but they say the ugly ones can be really wild, and your Mum, she was wild and so I looked past the witch talk," Tobias said. He paused and then gritted his teeth as though disgusted. "And then she comes round to tell me she's late. You know what that means, right?"
Severus slowly shook his head from side to side, keeping his eyes in that hole above the couch. He was pressed against the wall harder than he noticed, so hard that his schoolbooks in the backpack were digging into his bony back. Could that hole open and up and swallow him? Could it take him somewhere else?
"She wasn't bleeding," said Tobias loudly. "She was knocked up! Aborting it wasn't an option. Too much money. Besides, we were both stupid. She said she was in love with me. She said she could make things bloody levitate and that she could read minds and futures,and she was too thick to stick a hanger up her cunt? Bloody bitch," he spat. "Anyway, we got married before anyone could tell, real lovely, no one was invited, not that they'd have shown up…"
The buzzing was not loud enough—the words were getting in. Severus' eyes switched over to the dirty curtains, and then the peeled flowery wallpaper in the corner of the room. He wondered if he tore at it, if the whole room would unravel. There had been a few things he hadn't understood. He did not quite know what "late" meant, and he wasn't sure about what his father meant by "aborting it", but he understood the history enough to hear the really important parts: the hatred, the lack of planning, his father's disregard for his mother. Even without the missing pieces, it all fit together. Severus found his focus settling in on his father—the angular profile, sturdy shoulders, black furrowed brows, the mouth like an angry line across the pale face.
"Stop staring at me like that, you little shit," said Tobias. "What's the matter? You didn't know you were a mistake? You going to cry?"
"No," said Severus quietly. "Where's Mum at?"
"Oh! You hear him? He wants his mummy," said Tobias, laughing darkly.
Severus' heart was pounding in his chest. If only he could use his wand—if only… He picked up his suitcase and turned out of the living room, heading toward the hallway. "I'm going," he said.
"Don't talk back to me and then turn away from me, you coward," said Tobias, jumping off of the couch and heading after Severus, who went to grab the door of his room. Tobias pulled him back by his backpack and held his shoulders in a strong grip. He smelled deeply of booze. Severus averted his gaze, staring past Tobias' head. When Tobias struck him on the face, Severus winced but said nothing. Tobias hit him again across the ear, and then released him, throwing him against the door. He flung it open, ran inside and locked it. His entire body was shaking. Tobias slammed his fist on the door a few times before giving up and walking back toward the living room.
Dear Lucius, Severus wrote, why can't Hogwarts stay open year round? I want to go back and I just got home. I HATE IT HERE. A tear rolled off his nose and onto the last word, blurring it beyond recognition. He crumpled up the piece of parchment and chucked it in at the wall, then kicked his backpack so that all of the books poured out onto the floor.
An hour or so later, he woke up to the sound of his mum knocking on his door and calling his name out softly. He rolled over and put the pillow over his head, pretending he did not exist.
"New clothes," said Severus, when Lily came to meet him that week in the woods. She was wearing a deep green top and bell bottom jeans that made her look rather like an average Muggle teenage girl, but Severus did not really mind. Unlike wizard robes, the new jeans accentuated her hips.
"I tossed out a bag of old clothes. It was embarrassing, the stuff I used to wear. I needed a new look," she said.
Severus observed her more closely. "The shirt matches your eyes," he said after awhile.
Lily grinned at him in his loose black t-shirt, black trousers and long coat. "Your entire outfit matches your eyes," she replied.
He managed a small smile. "So, what do you wanna do?" he asked, but Lily gasped.
"What happened to your face?" she cried out, coming closer to him and staring. The skin surrounding his eye was dark purple and yellow.
He ducked away, his hair covering his eyes. "Nothing!" he said, sounding offended. "I accidentally walked into a door—"
"Sev, did someone hit you?" Lily covered her mouth with her hands and gasped. "Did you father hit you?"
"NO!" shouted Severus dangerously. "He hasn't even been at home!"
Lily pouted. "Why are you yelling at me? I only asked you a question. I wasn't trying to make you angry, I just—"
"Yeah, but I always tell you not to ask about it and you always ask about it, so now I want you to just shut it!" Severus asserted.
"He did hit you," Lily said, her voice brusque. She folded her arms. "I don't understand why you're being such a wally about it."
"He didn't. And I'm not," he said. "Look, can we just drop it? I want to do something else. I want to—I just want to talk about other things."
"Don't yell at me like that, Severus," said Lily.
Severus hung his head. "I'm… I'm sorry."
Lily gave him a scrupulous look before uncrossing her arms. "Okay," she finally said. Her face brightened. "I know what I want to do. I want you to teach me more of your dueling moves!"
Severus shook his too-long bangs out of his face. "But we can't even use our wands," he told her.
"Yes, but, you should just show me the way you did last time," Lily said quickly, and her face felt hot again, though she was not quite certain why. "I don't remember much, and we never got to keep practicing—"
"All right!" Severus said enthusiastically, nodding. "Remember what I showed you?"
Lily nodded, and posed her body with one leg out in front of the other. "Like this?" she asked, knowing full well she'd gotten it all mixed up. Why she was acting stupid like this, she had no idea.
"No, you've got it all wrong," Severus said, sounding a bit irritated which made Lily feel even more stupid. But she couldn't admit that she was acting—Severus would really be annoyed, then.
"I just forgot," she explained. "Can you… show me?"
Severus approached her. It became a wordless exchange, almost as though they'd both agreed not to speak. Lily pretended to stick out a wand, and Severus held her arm steady, moved her hands and elbow like he was playing a cello, his face very close to her neck. The only sound in the clearing was the sparrows chirping and their breathing. He brought his hand down to her waist, and felt the place between her middle and her hip; then he slid his palm across the small of her back. Lily could feel her heart pounding in her chest.
"Er," said Severus, breaking the silence and making her jump. "You should move to the next position—"
"Sev," said Lily quietly, her body tensing up again at the feeling of his breath on her neck. She flushed scarlet, and stared up into the treetops. The sunset was bringing in both brightness and shadows; it was stunning. But she really could not have cared any less about the way the sky looked. "I don't remember how to do that next move."
"Come on," he said, sounding a bit irritated. He took his hand off her waist and stepped back. "Just try it—it's not even that hard."
Lily stood still for a moment and then turned back to look at Severus.
"What?" Severus asked.
"Nothing," Lily said, and blushed again. "Let's do something else. I don't really feel like doing this anymore." Severus sent her a quizzical look and shrugged. She was confused by her actions. She did not like how she'd pretended she didn't know what she was doing, even if it had produced a similar situation to the last dueling practice. Severus hadn't seemed particularly convinced, either. His words echoed in her brain: Just try it-it's not even that hard. She knew it was not hard; but there was something she wanted, something she wasn't sure how to put in words. They opted instead to go to Lily's home and play a game. When her mother greeted Severus quietly and looked him over, her eyes pausing on his trousers that were too short for his long legs, Lily felt her face reddening again. She could not tell if she was embarrassed of him or of herself.
"Keep the door open," called Mother, as Severus and Lily headed upstairs.
"What's that about?"asked Severus, looking vaguely bemused.
"Apparently boys are evil now,"whispered Lily, giving him a waggle of her eyebrows.
"She's got a point there maybe," Severus said knowingly as they entered her room, Lily making sure to fling the door open so hard that it slammed against the wall.
"Quit that!" came Petunia's high-pitched voice from the next room. "I'm trying to study!"
"Study what?" Severus asked Lily disbelievingly.
"Some magazine, probably," she replied.
"Not you!" Petunia said to Severus, poking her head of her room. "Ugh, it smells like boy out here." She looked at Lily with a frown. "I thought you said you only hung out with him because—"
"GO AWAY, Petunia!" Lily shouted, shoving her sister back into her room. "Just leave us alone."
Petunia slammed her own door.
"What was she going to say?" asked Severus, as soon as they'd spread out their Scrabble game on Lily's bed.
Lily shrugged her shoulders, feeling a bit guilty. "She was just being rude. As always." They began their game, only pausing every so often to make small talk. Lily was winning as usual—Severus always accused her of cheating because he'd be stuck with every 'Q' and 'Z' in the game.
"Slughorn's in love with you, I reckon," Severus said, while waiting for Lily to make a move.
Lily made a face, flipping her hair back. "Why would you even say that? He's our teacher. Our old teacher. Haha, xylophone! And a triple word score!" She did a victory dance and put her letters on the board.
"Great," Severus said, sighing. "How'd you manage that? Anyway, it's definitely love. He's only asked me to join that club of his because we're friends and he probably just wants to make you happy. He's always on about how he wishes you were in Slytherin. I guess I can't blame him—"
"Being in love with me?"
"No," Severus said instantly. "Wishing you were a Slytherin—"
"I know, Severus. I was just kidding," Lily said, her ears red. Great. Now he's going to think I have some sort of crush on him, Lily thought. That's all I need.
"You could have been, you know," Severus shrugged. "Wish you were. I don't like that you're in Gryffindor with all those brave little prats. I hate all of them." He put a word down, table, and sighed. "It was all I could manage."
"Oh please," said Lily, giving Severus a shove. "They're not all bad. In fact, I want some of us to get together and do more group activities this year. It's third year, so we can go to Hogsmede if we get our parents' permission! Your mum will let you, right?" She couldn't believe herself, doing the very thing she'd decided she did not want—inviting Severus out with her other friends. It was as though she wasn't controlling her words.
For the third time Lily's mother walked by the room casually, as though she wasn't spying on them.
"She all ready signed," said Severus, after Mrs. Evans had gone downstairs," didn't even look at the paper. It could have been a petition to expel me and she wouldn't have cared—"
Lily ignored this and instead smiled brightly. "I can't wait to see what's in Hogsmede! Muruvi says there are a lot of shops and places to go—even a haunted house! Mary and I want to explore it!"
"I won't go with Mary MacDonald," Severus said, looking up like he was concentrating hard. "And I hate Lupin. Muruvi's all right, but I suppose I don't like her very well either. I'd go with you, though—"
"Oh… okay," said Lily, biting her lip, her stomach turning a bit. "I just thought…" She trailed off. She wasn't quite sure what she thought. It was hopeless. Severus wanted to be left alone, and Lily was feeling stranger and stranger about him. She put down another word and Severus sighed.
"I'm never going to beat you at this. We may as well stop. You're really smart," he said intensely. "You're the smartest person I know. Besides me, of course."
Lily stared at him. "Just because I'm good at Scrabble—" she began.
But Severus wasn't looking at her anymore. He was flinging his letters back into the little black pouch, apparently forfeiting the game.
"You're such a sore sport," said Lily teasingly.
"I like games where I win," Severus shrugged.
Mrs. Evans made the rounds again. "Do you two need anything?" she asked.
"No, Mother," said Lily hatefully. Severus snorted.
Once she'd gone downstairs, Severus looked at Lily. "Why do I get the feeling that she hates me more than usual?"
"She's never hated you," said Lily.
"Right, well, she doesn't like me," he grumbled.
"Be quiet, you." Lily swatted his shoulder and let her hand linger for a few seconds, mistakenly brushing the ends of his long black hair.
Severus tilted his head toward her almost instinctively. When Lily withdrew her hand, Severus recoiled and stared at her wide-eyed.
"Sorry," Lily said quickly, giving him a confused look. "I didn't mean to—"
"It's fine," Severus said breathlessly. "I just—well, I'd better go anyway." He put his hood over his head, got up, and walked out the door. "See ya later."
"What has he done to you?" Severus' mum asked softly, holding his face between her hands. They were sitting next to each other at the kitchen table. Severus had never remembered her treating him so tenderly.
Severus shrugged. Rather than feeling appreciative or particularly loved, Severus felt uncomfortable and annoyed. This was not how Severus and his mother operated. Mostly, Mum ignored what Dad did, and this almost was more awkward than her silence. Dad was gone again. He'd pocketed some money, kicked in the door and taken the car.
She patted the side of his face soothingly and he flinched. She sighed and got up to rummage through the cabinet above the stove, pulling out a locked box. Pulling her wand out of her long black coat she unlocked it, and withdrew a small potion bottle. "Pour a few drops out of this and put it around your eye," she advised solemnly. "The scarring will go away at once."
Severus did as he was told, and cringed. "Christ!" he swore, "That hurts!"
"Well, it's gone," said his mum crisply. "It's worth the pain, isn't it?" She paused for a moment and then shrugged with her thin shoulders, almost exactly as Severus had moments before. "I thought your father was here for good this time—"
"Why do you care?" challenged Severus, rubbing his eye. "He hates us—"
"He's faced a lot in his life," she said. "He doesn't hate—"
"He hates me," Severus retorted. "I know he does."
"I'm sorry he hit you," she said. "I really am. But you have to understand that there are some things that you forgive, even if it's for a foolish reason."
Severus stared at her for a long time, and she stared back, her black eyes locked into his. You didn't want me, you didn't want me, what's—Dad said, aborting, you didn't want, what was it, —
"I wanted you," his mother snapped suddenly, her black eyes flashing. "What did he tell you, Severus?"
Severus jumped. "How did you—I didn't say that—"
Her sallow cheeks pinkened slightly. "Sometimes I think I'm so out of practice that I've forgotten…"
"Forgotten what?" Severus asked, baffled.
But she shook her head, her eyes tightly shut. "I often wonder if being a witch is too much responsibility. It's difficult to let things be," she said. "And sometimes, I don't want to get inside—"
Severus did not ask her anymore questions, but he had the distinct feeling that his mum had seen what he was thinking.
"This is stupid," Severus said.
Lily paused in her jumping and frowned. "Well, if you're going to be like that," she said.
"How old are we, five?" he sneered.
"Severus, you're no fun sometimes, you know? You won't skip rope, you don't like losing at Scrabble—"
"Who does like losing?" Severus asked, cocking his eyebrows at her. "No one likes losing!"
"You know what I mean!" Lily said, and continued jumping, her red hair flapping behind her with each hop.
Severus sat down on the ground and wrapped his arms around his knees. "I think my mum can read my thoughts," he said.
Lily stopped jumping. "What? Why?"
He hesitated, drawing a line in the dirt. "I just thought a bunch of things and she asked me a question that made it obvious she knew what I was thinking," he said.
Lily instantly sat down next to him, her eyes wide. "How do you reckon—wow—what'd you think?"
Severus shook his head. "It's not important. It was about my dad, but she picked up on a bit of it."
"That's too bad," Lily giggled. "I thought my mother was good enough at reading minds and she's not even magical!"
"Leave it to me," he said glumly. "Luckily I hardly ever talk to her. I wonder if she can. I wonder if you can learn it at Hogwarts! I've never heard of it."
"I wouldn't want anyone reading my mind," said Lily solemnly. "It would be too embarrassing."
"Yeah but, if you knew what someone was thinking you wouldn't even have to talk to them. If you knew what they were thinking, you'd know just what they think about you!" Severus said.
"You would like that?" Lily wondered. "I'd hate it. People can say such mean things. Imagine what they think."
"No one's thinking anything bad about you," Severus said quietly. "Why worry?" He gave Lily a very small smile.
Lily pulled down her skirt a bit. "I'm sure someone out there hates me," she said. "Mulciber doesn't like me very well. Neither does Rosier, or Lucius Malfoy. Or James Potter, or Professor Flannigan—he always gives me good marks but I can tell by the way he looks at me."
"They don't count," said Severus. "Everyone hates me. But if I could read their thoughts, I'd have power over them."
Lily's eyes widened a bit. "What kind of power?"
"I derno. I'd just know how to act around them better," he replied. "I could get what I want, maybe."
"I think you're being kind of weird," said Lily, grinning. "But, if you want to know so bad, you should ask your mum. Though if you don't, she'll read your mind and tell you anyway!"
"I'm fucked," said Severus.
Lily grinned again but rolled her eyes. "Sev, you curse way too much!"
"What's it matter?" he asked.
"If I read your mind," she said after a few minutes," what would you be thinking about me?"
Severus smiled unevenly and settled back on his elbows. "I'd be thinking you're my friend."
Lily made a face. "That's boring."
"We're friends, though," he said. "Why wouldn't I be thinking that?"
"Don't know, I thought maybe you'd be thinking something more interesting."
"I guess I'm just boring then," Severus replied. "Is that what you'd think about me?"
Lily's hair fluttered around her face as she shook her head from side to side. "You're not boring. You're different."
"Different," he said flatly. "Different from what?"
"Other people," she said.
"That's bad," he said.
"Not really," she said. "If you learn to read minds, you have to tell me. It would be very rude if you didn't."
"I don't have to tell you anything," said Severus.
Lily's face darkened a bit. "Tell me!" she said. "You have to tell me!"
"Whoa, I can't read minds," Severus declared. "I probably never will, why are you getting all serious?"
"Because I want you to promise to me you'd tell me," Lily said. "Swear on it."
They spat in their palms and shook hands. Severus' fingers had gotten a lot bigger than Lily's since the last time they'd done that.
"If you start reading minds," said Severus, "you have to tell me."
"Never," Lily said and laughed.
Two weeks into the summer, things were too boring at home for Lily. She'd perused last year's schoolbooks, trying to keep her mind fresh, which she thought was extremely mature. She'd cleaned her room, gone shopping with her mother, written letters to Muruvi and Mary, responded to a drawing Remus had sent, attempted a conversation with Petunia that had utterly failed, and she decided finally that perhaps having some company would make things a bit more interesting. She figured that Severus would be out in the neighborhood, and after making up an excuse that she was going to play at the park, she set off for the meeting point between her neighborhood and Spinner's End. The sun was blazing hot, and dozens of children were out playing with skipping ropes and bicycles.
Lily crossed the path near the bridge and crossed over, keeping her eyes alert for black clothing and pale skin. She walked into the patch of woods until she reached their clearing. There was Severus, stretched out in a patch of grass. Lily was just about to greet him, but she instantly stopped moving when she realized, with fascination, that the front of Severus' black trousers were open and his penis was out. Afraid she'd be spotted, Lily tried to shrink down behind some bushes, peering out from above them. She was unable to tear her eyes away from the surprising sight.
He evidently had not heard her approaching because he kept his eyes shut, held it in his hand and began to tug at himself hastily. If Lily had walked out only five more paces, they'd be right in front of each other. Lily stared. She had never seen a boy's body before besides in the puberty book her mother had made her read. She reckoned it looked a little weird from what she could see, long and standing straight up, like some sort of apparatus with its own mind. Lily regarded him with tremendous interest as he pumped his hand back and forth over his member.
Severus let out a low moan, and Lily blushed, covering her mouth with her hand. She was almost tempted to laugh, only because of her discomfort. But she held it together out of interest. Lily kept watching as Severus switched hands and went faster, breathing in and out hard, his feet rubbing together slowly. He was making sounds she'd never heard him make in all the years she'd known him—pants, gasps, moans… He slowed down his motion, moaning again, and then kept going faster and faster until his entire body went slack and he grunted loudly, almost as though he were in immense pain. He wiped his hand on his shirt and lay back, closing his eyes, sighing.
Lily felt curiously in between crying and watching him—there was a strange feeling in her stomach like she was nervously sick. She felt guilty for watching because she knew Severus would be just as mortified as she was—probably more! As smoothly and slowly as she could, she backtracked through the woods and then ran back to her own house. She spent several mindless hours watching cartoons on television, as if to remind herself was it was like to be younger.
Hi Lily,
How is your summer? Mine's been all right, but my parents are going away and I need someplace to stay for a few weeks. I was really hoping that I could come visit you at your house. Write me back as soon as possible, okay? I'll try to be nice to Severus if I come but no promises! Ha ha ha!
Love,
Mary
Dear Mary,
My Mother and Father think it would be good if you came to stay. They're afraid I only hang out with boys. I think they believe I've made you up. It will be fun for you to come and stay, though it's a bit dull around here. As for Severus, it's okay. We probably won't have to hang out with him much anyway. I can't wait to see you! Let me know when you'll come!
Lots of love,
Lily
Lily re-read her response several times before sending it. She was looking forward to having Mary around, despite knowing how much she would clash with the sensible Petunia. It would create a buffer between Lily and Severus, for one. Since she'd seen him in the clearing, she'd been too embarrassed to hang out with him one on one. He'd come round for lunch the day after, and she'd barely spoken to him. He hadn't asked what was wrong; she figured he never would. But the truth was, Lily couldn't stop thinking about him holding his penis. She thought about it so often that she was worried for herself. Was there something wrong with her? She shouldn't have watched him. She shouldn't have gone looking for him! Boys were different—it was like Mother had said… But then again, it wasn't. It made Lily uncomfortable, but it also raised other questions. That thing, that thing that was attached to her friend, that thing was supposed to go inside her during sex? That was bewildering. And impossible. And odd. In the puberty book she'd read, boys' parts looked like pencil drawings of water faucets with plant buds around them. The reality of it was quite strange. She absolutely could not let Mary know what she'd seen.
Except she absolutely wanted to, at the same time. Only Mary would understand the magnitude of the news, and besides, unless things had drastically changed over the summer, Mary had never seen a real live penis.
Lily made up her mind that if she had to tell, she had to tell. But the penis would not belong to Severus if she told. It would belong to a nameless boy in the neighborhood.
"We don't have a coffee pot. My mum says it takes too long—she prefers a spell," Mary was saying to Lily's father conversationally. Mother and Daddy had loved Mary so far. They thought she was "lovely", a real "entertainer." Mary had grown taller over the summer and her hair was free and curly. Only Petunia seemed disturbed by her presence, sending her irate glances over whatever stupid project she was doing in the living room. Mary would make faces back as soon as she knew Petunia wasn't looking.
Mary had arrived in the middle of the fifth week of summer, and since they'd received their book lists, they'd gone to Diagon Alley with Lily's parents to retrieve their books. There, they'd run into Sirius Black and his family, who all glared, except for his equally dark haired younger brother Regulus. Regulus was a Slytherin whom Lily had only heard Severus mention in passing, saying he was obnoxious and still sucked his thumb. Regulus was pulling on their mother's arm, shouting about how much he loved Quidditch, apparently as a tactic to get a new broomstick. Sirius, who usually held himself confidently, seemed a bit panicky that he'd run into the girls somewhere besides school.
"I don't fancy him anymore," Mary had whispered into Lily's ear as the Black family entered Sporting Brooms Incorporated. "He's only my friend."
"What changed?" Lily had asked, slightly relieved.
"I can't wait for him forever!" Mary had replied.
The girls had spent their couple of days together practicing with Lily's potions set, helping Lily's mother cook dinner, biking around the neighborhood, and talking endlessly about the prospects of the upcoming year. Both were entirely obsessed with Hogsmede. It seemed so adult to be able to leave Hogwarts and go into a different environment.
However, they did run into Severus eventually, on the third day of Mary's stay. He was reading one of his books on curses, sitting up in a tree by the playground.
"IS THAT SEVERUS SNAPE?" Mary shouted.
Severus looked like he might fall out of the tree, but he steadied himself. "MacDonald?" he said in annoyance. "Why are you here?"
"I'm visiting Lily," she said.
"Oh, so that's where you've been," said Severus, and he sounded awfully annoyed.
Lily looked down. "Yes, kind of."
"What are you doing up there, Snape?" Mary asked.
"I'm thinking up some stuff," he said, mysteriously. "Stuff I won't say."
Mary looked at Lily with amazement. "Like we wanted to know anyway. Well, see ya, Snape! Don't think too hard!"
Lily followed Mary as she walked away.
"Something interesting happened this summer," Lily said that evening after the girls had returned from town with Lily's mother and Petunia. They'd gone into bookstores, gotten Petunia's school supplies, and picked up the shopping. Lily and Mary were sitting on Lily's bed, getting ready to go to sleep.
"Tell me," said Mary, looking delighted. "You've been so quiet, I wondered what was going on! Is it about Remus?"
"No," Lily said. "It's kind of… well… it's hard to explain." Mary waited, smiling. "I saw—by accident, I saw—"
"Saw what?"
Lily lowered her voice to a whisper, throwing a nervous glance at her door, which was shut. "I saw a boy's… parts."
"YOU SAW A WILLY?" Mary cried out, grinning madly.
Lily clapped her hand over her friend's mouth. "SHH! My mother and dad can't know, and especially Petunia can't—"
"What was it like? Whose? Lily… you didn't shag this summer, did you? Do you have a boyfriend?" Mary demanded, her black hair bouncing around her face.
"No!" Lily said. "It was just some boy, I saw him by mistake."
"Swimming?" asked Mary.
"No," Lily said again. "He was… well, he was touching it."
Mary's jaw dropped open. "You've got to be joking! That is so funny!" She burst into hysterical laughter. "I would have made fun of him forever—"
"I didn't!" Lily exclaimed. "It wasn't so funny. It was more interesting—"
"Lily, you have no idea how good of a story this is!" Mary said gleefully. "How big was it?"
Lily's face burned up. "I don't know—"
"Come on, Lily! Tell me! Please!" Mary began to make gestures with her two hands. "This big? This big? THIS BIG?"
"Mary! I don't know!" Lily said.
"Who was he? We should go find him again!" Mary said. "I want to see. I would definitely laugh in his face, though. How pervy!"
"I knew I shouldn't have told you, Mary," snapped Lily. "You always make everything so silly."
"But Lily," Mary said, obviously hurt, "it is rather silly."
"Not to me," Lily said. "I thought it was… well, it wasn't silly at all." She crossed her arms across her chest.
"Honestly, Lily, I'm not trying to make you mad," said Mary, trying to pull a straight face. "It's just… you saw a boy's willy!" She broke into giggles again.
"Ugh," Lily said, irritated, and pretended to be asleep.
That night in his room, Severus was awakened by a loud pecking at his window. When he went to check, he spied Lucius' pale barn owl Persephone. He opened the window up, and Persephone flew at him, dropping a letter and nipping his ear in a violent manner that strangely reminded Severus of something her owner would do were he an owl. As Persephone groomed herself, Severus ripped out the letter, which was very short, written in Lucius' usual neat block script but this time the words were quite large. 'DEAR SEVERUS. HELP ME. BORED OUT OF MY SKULL, EVERYONE ELSE ON HOLIDAY IN EXTRAVAGANT PLACES. IF YOU SHOULD LIKE TO SUBJECT YOURSELF TO A CHANGE OF SCENERY, DO WRITE TO ME ABOUT COMING FOR A VISIT. I CAN MEET YOU IN DIAGON ALLEY AND TAKE YOU TO MY HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. –LUCIUS"
"I just… I don't see why you'd want to go to his house," Lily said a few days later, her arms folded across her chest.
"It's probably not as nice as he says it is. I have to go see for myself," Severus shrugged, but the real reason was that it felt good to be invited. If Lucius was asking him over, that must mean that they were actual friends, right? Either way, it was becoming quite annoying that Lily had that blasted MacDonald over. He wanted it to be like last summer, where they were together nearly every day. This was even worse that when the Evans family went on trips, because she was out of his sight then at least. "I'll probably leave with him for school since it's only a week or so away. He said I could stay as long as I want. Something about the house being so big no one will notice if I'm there."
Lily raised her eyebrows. "Was he joking?"
"No idea," Severus shrugged. "He doesn't like his family. Maybe they keep to themselves there."
"Well—er, have fun, I guess," said Lily a bit uncomfortably. "You can write me if you want to. I'm sure they've got a flock of owls you can use. "
"Right. Yeah. Make fun of Mary for me," said Severus.
Lily rolled her eyes. "Ha ha. No."
They stared at each other awkwardly.
"Well, I have to go," said Severus.
"Bye, Severus," said Lily.
They stared at each other for a few more minutes. Where there would have usually been a hug from Lily was an awkward silence. She shifted her gaze to the ground.
"Right, okay," said Severus.
"Right, bye," said Lily.
A few hours later, Severus was wandering aimlessly around Diagon Alley with his trunk and backpack. He was supposed to meet Lucius in front of Madame Malkins, since Lucius was being fitted for new robes. But the blonde boy was nowhere to be seen. Nearly forty minutes later, Severus heard the loud, familiar voice behind him.
"Severus—my apologies, absolutely ridiculous summer I've been having." Lucius rushed over, and to Severus' disgust, he was being accompanied by what looked like an ugly, furless emaciated teddy bear that bowed deeply.
"What is that?" Severus asked, frowning.
"I is Prally, sir," said the thing.
"Shut up," snarled Lucius in response. "Do not tell a wizard your name, as though you're introducing yourself as an equal!" He gave Prally a sharp kick on the head and it whimpered. "That's our family house elf," he explained. "Ugly beyond recognition, isn't she?" Lucius said, and then more loudly, "get my friend's bags!"
"Yes sir," squeaked the house elf-thing, bowing deeply again and struggling with Severus' trunk.
"Er… I can get that," Severus said, but Lucius waved him away.
"It makes her feel important. My parents won't let me go anywhere without her, even if I have just turned seventeen. They say I cannot be trusted. My brother got to go around elfless when he was fifteen. THIS IS SEVERUS," he annunciated to the house elf, as if she were hard of hearing. "SEVERUS WILL BE STAYING WITH US FOR THE REST OF THE SUMMER." He turned back to Severus, pressing his hand to his heart dramatically. "Really glad you could make it out, though I should warn you, it's a mad house there. I really am very close to killing one of them this time, and I'm not exaggerating. Hagawthe and his beloved wife are visiting again, and no one's paying a speck of attention to me. Come along! We can apparate—pick up the pace," he said to the house elf, and kicked her across the behind, making her trip. Severus watched, somewhat amused at Lucius' theatrical antics. He wondered if that was the only way you trained a house elf.
A bit later, they appeared at the gates of a very massive and grey estate. Topiaries surrounded the home, which was in the middle of a dark green moor. "Nice, isn't it?" asked Lucius proudly. Severus nodded, though enormous was more the word he was looking for. A dark mist surrounded the home, which Lucius explained was a protection charm. "Father's an important man these days…" They walked up a set of stairs, Lucius hissing at Prally to stop making so much noise with Severus' trunk.
"WE'RE HOME!" Lucius bellowed, flinging open the door. "TAKE THOSE TO THE GUEST ROOM ON THE SECOND FLOOR! I put you next to my room," he said to Severus in a normal tone of voice. Prally scurried up the stairs, there was a crack, and she and Severus' trunk disappeared. A thud sounded from above them, and then Severus heard the sound of her rolling his bag down the hallway. Several very large wolfhounds ran into the room, growling horribly and showing their fanged teeth. "Hello, monsters!" greeted Lucius. "This is Sebastian, that's Heathcliffe, and this one is Algernon. I named them." Severus' eyes widened and he stepped back, grasping his backpack in a death grip. In his limited experience with dealing with dogs, he did not like them. These dogs seemed especially frightening.
"What's the matter?" Lucius asked, patting Heathcliffe's massive head. The dog attempted to bite Lucius' whole arm off, and he laughed as though it had just done a trick. "I'll give you a tour." He hurried off down the hallway, the growling dogs baying loudly and running after him.
Overwhelmed, Severus hurried along, taking in the interior of Malfoy Manor. It had an air of Victorian gloom about it. Giant moving portraits hung on what seemed like every possible centimeter of the walls. Unlike the portraits at Hogwarts, the subjects of these paintings seemed both unfriendly and antisocial. Nearly every painting depicted someone scowling, or a group of people whispering about the subject of the next piece of art.
They moved through the front entrance into what appeared to be a sitting room, with a few tables, a black velvet couch and shelves of different artifacts. Stuffed owls, dogs, cats, and lizards lined a shelf that wrapped around the entire ceiling, all with silver plaques showing their names and dates of death. "I go through pets like mad," explained Lucius as they hurried through to the formal dining room, where a few brooms were enchanted to clean the floors on their own. A large glass tank sat above a grand mantelpiece with what appeared to be a floating green baby doll. When Lucius noticed Severus looking he lowered his voice: "Don't ask about that around my parents. That was my brother, he died shortly after birth. If you mention it, they'll tell you all the grisly details. Sometimes I wonder if he's the favorite in the family." Severus did not know whether Lucius was kidding.
They hurried down a very narrow corridor that was dimly lit. The paintings on the walls chattered loudly, asking Lucius about Severus' blood status. "Where is everyone?" he wondered aloud. "Maybe they've all gone out. I hope so. ANYONE HOME?" he yelled, making Severus jump. The three dogs started howling loudly.
They passed through another hallway and heard laughing and talking echoing off the walls. Lucius thrust open a set of large doors emblazoned with a snake's head. "Here you all are!" he announced indignantly. "I've been trying to find you! What are you doing, anyway?" All three dogs ran in and skidded across the floor.
They had walked into a large parlor that had several grey couches, a piano, a wall full of books, and had large murals of what appeared to be a seventeenth century painting of a war between wizards and hideous beasts. Sitting around the room drinking out of thin wine glasses were obviously, Lucius' family. There were two women and two men, and all of them wore the same irritated expression.
"Really, Lucius, do you haveto shout so?" droned a man who appeared to be in his fifties whom Severus knew, from seeing The Warlock Times, to be Lucius' father. He had a pointed face and prominent chin, and platinum white slicked back hair.
The other man snickered darkly and sneered at Lucius. He seemed to be in his late twenties and he had dark hair that contrasted deeply with his pale, pointed face and piercing gray eyes. The caramel-skinned woman with green catlike eyes to his right was holding his arm and looked pretty but very bored. "If you wear out your voice, you won't be able to talk. And then what ever would you do?" he asked. Lucius glared at the man.
"Won't you introduce your friend, Lucius? Have we taught you no manners?" asked the brunette woman to the left of Lucius' father, draining her glass and then snapping her fingers. A house elf appeared by her side and poured her another drink.
Lucius scowled at all them before pointing to Severus. "This is my friend from school, Severus Snape."
Severus felt as though he were under a spotlight. "Hullo," he said shyly.
"Hello, Severus," said the younger man, switching his sneer into a charming smile. "I am Hagawthe, Lucius' elder brother. Lucius tells me you were just chosen for the Slug Club as well? Impressive for a third year. I was one of Sluggy's favorites myself. Potions and Quidditch were my strengths. I suppose Slughorn collected Lucius because he thought we were alike, eh Lucius? Lucius is a fair Quidditch player, but he's hardly a sportsman."
"I'm one of Slughorn's favorites, too," snapped Lucius. "He says so all the time. Severus knows—he's seen it! Everyone knows I'm the best player on the Slytherin team. If there weren't so many stupid rules, I'd win games for us all the time—"
"I was the best player at Hogwarts, though. Not only in Slytherin," Hagawthe corrected. "Honestly, Lucius, it's dull how you carry on—"
Their father laughed quietly, which Severus found sort of amusing considering the fact that Lucius was looking at the two of them with a very deadly glare. "Now, now, Lucius certainly has his talents, although presently it is unclear exactly what they are. Welcome to our home, Severus. I am Abraxas Malfoy, Lucius' father. This is my wife, Diana—" he gestured to the brunette woman who gave a poor impression of a smile—"and the newest edition to the Malfoy family, my son's wife Aureila. I trust you are in Slytherin?" Severus nodded, still very aware of the fact that all the members of Lucius' family were staring at him fixedly. Abraxas had such narrow eyes that it was difficult to determine what he was thinking. "Please sit down, Severus." Reluctantly, Severus sat between Hagawthe and Abraxas, who offered Severus a beverage. When Severus agreed to pumpkin juice, Abraxus pounded the armrest of the couch and demanded one of the house elves to fetch it for him. Lucius opted to sit in a large chair across from everyone, continuing to sulk. The dogs curled up on the floor around his feet.
"How is it that you came to befriend my brother?" asked Hagawthe, smiling toothily at Snape.
"Stop it," hissed Lucius angrily.
"Boys… This kind of behavior is very unbecoming. I have told you this," warned Diana.
"Need I remind you I am not a boy, mother?" simpered Hagawthe.
A house elf approached Severus and handed him a goblet, which he took uneasily, and Diana kicked the house elf with the toe of her heeled boot. "I've told you to use the black china for guests!" Everyone took a pause the conversation to watch as the house elf banged its head on the floor, howling out apologies.
Once the banging ceased, Hagawthe put his glass down on the marble table. "No, I really mean it. I was not implying anything. How did you two meet?" He stared deeply at Severus, who looked away. There was something a bit off about Hagawthe's kind smile.
"We… Lucius was the first person I met in Slytherin, being he was a Prefect," Severus said softly and slowly.
"And how old are you?" asked Hagawthe.
"Don't," hissed Lucius.
"Father, are you hearing this? Will you tell Lucius to stop being sensitive? I'm merely making conversation with his friend."
Abraxas smirked. "Lucius, stop being sensitive."
"He's doing it again, though, Father, you KNOW he is!" Lucius whined, crossing his arms. Severus was rather appalled by Lucius' behavior. He was talking in quite a different voice from the one he used at Hogwarts, though this one was just as loud.
"You are so paranoid," chuckled Hagawthe. "But really, Severus? How old?"
"Thirteen," said Severus, unsure of what was going on.
"Ah," said Hagawthe, and then turned to Lucius. "Just as I assumed. No one your own age will have you as a friend, will they Lucius?" He turned back to Severus. "My younger brother doesn't keep friends for long. It's only a matter of time before you surpass him in both skill and intellect, and then you'll have nothing in common—"
"Be quiet!" Lucius said loudly. The dogs awoke and began howling. Severus was surprised. Lucius Malfoy, without friends? Hagawthe was joking, wasn't he?
"Lucius, your father told you. Do not raise your voice!" declared Diana.
"Honestly, Lucius, put those damned things out of their misery," Hagawthe said with a frown as the dogs kept howling. "You're going to kill them eventually, so why not do it straight away?" Aureila smirked, her eyes glowing as she stroked her husband's arm.
"I'M NOT GOING TO KILL THEM!" Lucius bellowed. "HOW DARE YOU—"
"Lucius enjoys experimenting on his animals. He thinks it wise to use them as test subjects for new curses," explained Hagawthe to Severus, grinning.
"All accidents," Lucius explained to Severus angrily. "I really though it would work out—"
Abraxas snickered and snapped his fingers. "Refill our glasses," he told the house elf who appeared at his side.
"No one asked me if I wanted anything," Lucius said, flopping back in the chair extravagantly. "No one ever does." Severus was almost humiliated for how Lucius was acting—he wasn't acting at all as he did at school. It was curious.
Hagawthe rolled his eyes. "You have no problem voicing every other thought and feeling you have—why not ask for your own things once in a while? You're in seventh year, Lucius…Why on earth did they make you Head Boy, I wonder?"
Their mother laughed harshly, adjusting her fox fur stole. "I always did say you took after my mother, Lucius."
"I hated grandmother," said Lucius darkly, crossing his arms.
"She hated you as well. Point proven," Hagawthe replied.
"Let's leave, Severus. I can't take this anymore," said Lucius, and left the room, managing to step on all three dogs at once.
Hagawthe patted Severus' arm and smiled. "Hopefully we'll get to hear more about you as soon as her majesty cools down."
Severus did not find Hagawthe's comment particularly amusing, so he just nodded his head at the family before following Lucius upstairs. Lucius revealed a closet full of different extravagant brooms, and Severus took his pick. They spent the afternoon riding about the Malfoy property, until dinner.
"So, Severus," Abraxus said loudly, as a group of house elves served them deep bowls of rich stew. "Has your family all been in Slytherin, then?"
Severus, who had been trying not to shovel in his food although he was very hungry, paused in buttering a large roll. "Mostly," he nodded, "though some have been in Ravenclaw."
"That is not so bad," said Diana, "I could tolerate several of my Ravenclaw classmates. Hufflepuffs, though—"
"And Gryffindors,"Hagawthe said. "Horrible, they are. They were always out to prove something. What subjects do you enjoy, Severus?"
"Defense Against the Dark Arts, mostly," said Severus.
Lucius drained a goblet of wine and dabbed his mouth with his napkin. "Severus makes his own curses," he said, and his voice was even louder than usual.
"What fun," said Abraxas appreciatively. "I used to threaten people that I knew all of the Unforgiveables. Of course, I was only a fourth year, but they stayed away from me. All except for my good friend Tom Riddle. I daresay that fact endeared me to him." He sneered greatly. "Good man."
"Great man," Hagawthe said. "Still a family friend, of course."
"Maybe you can meet him," Lucius chimed in to Severus. "You would be really impressed by his collections."
"Severus," Abraxas said, "I've never heard of another Snape. Where does your family descend from?"
"I don't… I don't know much about it," Severus replied quickly. "My mother's last name is Prince—"
"Aunt Ettione was in her year, remember?" Lucius said.
"Of course," Diana nodded. "But then I've never heard of any Snapes either—you said you were a Pureblood, Severus?"
Without thinking, Severus nodded, although he most certainly did not say.
"Awful, aren't they?" Lucius asked. They were in his room, which was completely black and green, all velvet and dark wood. His enormous four poster bed was stacked high with pillows, and signed posters of Quidditch players filled one wall, while a shelf of books took up the other wall. He'd enchanted the third wall to bleed, and the fourth had a floating wardrobe that spun round and round. Severus thought it was the best room he'd ever seen. It instantly made up for Lucius' peculiar, almost infantile behavior earlier.
"They're not like my family," said Severus, by way of a compliment, although he did find the Malfoys rather strange.
"Yes, how is your father?" Lucius asked.
"He wasn't around this summer," Severus began and then blanched. Shit. "I mean—"
But Lucius' piercing gaze was boring into Severus' face. "He isn't dead, is he?"
Severus had no idea what to do. As calmly as he could, he replied, "Yes, he's dead—I just meant—"
Luicus held up a long, white hand. "No, Severus. There's no need." From a box on his bookshelf, he produced a folded piece of parchment that he tossed at Severus.
Severus unfolded it. It was a letter he'd written last year, a letter to Lucius. In his haste to have a friend doubled with some uncharacteristic carelessness, Severus had told Lucius in this letter that he did not get along well with his father—that his father hated him! Severus bit his lip, and looked up at Lucius, his black eyes wide. This was it. They were done as friends.
Lucius, however, took back the note and said, "Don't look so frightened. I've known for months. I never said anything because I thought you would tell me eventually, but you're very secretive, Severus."
"I just don't like my father," Severus put in. He had no idea what to say beyond this. If Lucius knew Tobias was a Muggle, they'd surely stop being friends. Lying about a dead father was perhaps grim enough for the Malfoy boy that he was willing to forgive it.
"I don't like mine either," said Lucius bitterly. His cheeks were flushed, and suddenly Severus realized that Lucius had perhaps had a great amount of wine over dinner. "In fact, I wish mine were dead. He thinks he's so important, his businesses, his ideas! Just because I don't think like him! I stand out, Severus. Everything I do is a joke to them."
Severus felt uncomfortable and a bit stressed, as the intensity of the conversation just kept building. He'd half expected to be thrown out into the yard by a dozen angry house elves.
Lucius was still talking: "One day, I'm going to show my father that I can surpass Hagawthe's talents. I know I can. And then," he paused, "they'll wish they never treated me this way."
It was the first time that Severus had genuinely been able to relate to Lucius Malfoy.
Maybe sensing he'd gone a bit far, Lucius strode over to his bookshelf and selected a text. "This one shows you one hundred ways to hurt someone fatally during a duel. It shows actual pictures of peoples' limbs being taken off."
"Excellent," said Severus brightly.