CHAPTER 16

For the time being there was little more that could be done but watch and wait. After giving instructions, Dr. Gillis departed. He would return every morning until he was satisfied the boy was on the mend and conditions in the household were nominal. In the meantime, Lisa helped Erik get situated.

He left only briefly to collect some of Gustave's and his belongings, and give instructions to his employees of what needed to be done in his absence. He wasn't going to be far from Phantasma, but didn't want to be called away unless for an extreme emergency. When he returned to the mansion, Lisa had already prepared a room for him and supplied both her guests with all they might require. She prayed that by the grace of god Gustave would make a quick recovery.

Once he was situated and unpacked, Erik returned to Gustave's side. He knew there was no way to sleep while his son was hurting, so he took up a silent vigil in one of the high back chairs that occupied every room. Gustave had fallen back to sleep early in the evening and continued to rest comfortably while his father watched every breath he took.

Minutes turned to the early morning hours of the next day, and every passing moment was a torment. Erik's mind was a flurry of thoughts, conjecture, emotion and memory. The child had run away, desiring so much to get away from his father that he'd nearly killed himself to accomplish it.

For Erik's entire life, he'd never been able to rely on another person for anything. He may have lived a life of longing for love, compassion, connection, but had never learned how to give or receive those tender affections.

His love for Christine had not been planned or even welcome in the beginning. Erik had fought its intrusion of his soul for as long as he could until it completely consumed him. Then it became an obsession. So he'd done what he always did to get what he needed, he'd tried to steal it. In that other time he'd been unable to understand that love must be a thing given freely and received with an open heart. It was a concept he only began to comprehend that night in his lair when Christine had kissed him for the first time, and he'd let her go.

Then the thing had happened that even now he can barely believe. She'd come to him willingly right before her wedding and given herself to him. Love had finally become a reality to him, but the power had been more than he'd imagined and frightened him to the core.

Erik had given up fear a long time ago. He wasn't even afraid when the mob had come looking for him. What would her life be like, tying herself to a man who couldn't walk in the light and no longer had the means to care for her. A wanted con-man and murderer forced to abandon the music that had been the bond that had brought them together and the only home he'd known for over 2 decades.

So he deserted his only love, a decision he would regret for all eternity, but never would he regret that night spent under a moonless sky. It took him 10 more years to mature enough to comprehend fully what it meant to love and be loved. He even dared to hope that there was still a chance for him and for her, but there was a price to be paid for his ignorance and evil, and he'd paid dearly.

As he looked down to the sleeping form of his son and the white bandage around his head, he wondered if he'd ever be done paying for the evils of his past. He'd escaped the judgment of his fellow man for the atrocities he'd committed, but perhaps there was a higher power intending to hold him accountable.

Erik had never considered making atonement for his crimes. It was a circumstance of his upbringing that he felt the world owed him something, a misconception only now coming to light. His stunted development meant he almost lacked a basic sense of humanity. Only know, after a lifetime of learning, had he gained an appreciation for life through the life of his child and the loss of his beloved. Erik had lived only a morsel of joy. What more would he have to lose before his penance was done.

There was a soft rustling outside the door, and it opened with only a small creak. Lisa's bare feet stepped into the guestroom carefully, not wanting to disturb Gustave. She was startled to find Erik still seated next to him and wide awake.

"I'm sorry. I thought you'd be in bed. I wander when I can't sleep and just wanted to check on him." She mumbled.

"It seems we both suffer from chronic insomnia." He said with that ever present tone of sarcasm. Lisa warred with proprietary instincts and the feeling of being unwelcome in her own house until she decided retreat was appropriate, but before she could withdraw Erik spoke again "I want to thank you."

"For what?" She asked.

"For saving him… again, and for being… a good friend to my boy." He finished reluctantly, and fell quiet again. There was a flurry of questions invading Lisa's mind. Far too many to approach while the two of them were still adversaries.

"The argument, it was about me wasn't it?" she asked, holding her breath for the answer.

"Yes." Erik responded flatly. Lisa lowered her head as the weight of guilt pressed down on her. "As I recall I was reduced to the same level as that worthless Vicomte and compared to a perpetually unhappy sinking ship on which Gustave would eventually drown." Erik waited for her to pelt him with piteous defensive apologies, but she only stood silent for several moments as she absorbed his words.

"I'm sorry. Apparently I've done more harm than good." She whispered quietly, and Erik thought he heard a hint of barely suppressed tears, though he couldn't be sure with the distance and dimness of light between them. Erik couldn't deny that he felt a small triumph within him to see her so humbled, but looking at the sleeping boy's face made him recoil at his own pettiness. This was no game worth playing at the expense of his son's life. He'd left the phantom behind, both in practice and pretense. A new day must begin.

"No, this is my fault and mine alone. I seem doomed to blindness, and those I care for always pay the price. Perhaps I will be able to learn my lesson this time." he said.

Lisa looked at him quizzically. This was not the same man she'd been in company with before. Perhaps the strain of these events had weakened his farce, and for the first time she glimpsed the real man beneath the mask and behind all the threats.

"It isn't easy being a single parent I'm sure. Children don't come with instructions unfortunately, and you can't learn how they work by taking them apart and putting them back together again."

"Humph." was his only response.

"But I think most people make it more complicated than it needs to be."

"Really, and how have you come to that opinion? How many children have you raised?" he chided, his words thick with cynicism. They hurt more than he could know, but she wouldn't show it.

"Well, although I have no children of my own, I've found that if you give children quality time and your full attention it makes them quite happy." She volunteered.

"Simple as that is it? The problem is they seem to want all your time and attention. Life is much too complicated to supply all they want when they want it. Not all of us have the abundance of leisure time you have." He mocked, and Lisa felt like she was becoming smaller with every passing moment.

"It's not about quantity, it's about quality." She said sheepishly, trying desperately to shore up her defenses. Erik wanted to cut her down and gain some small feeling of triumph out of the situation. Normally he would use such a vulnerable moment to deliver a verbal blow, but his own strength was waning.

Erik had to admit to himself, though it left a bad taste in his mouth, that this interloping woman might be right. After all, she was the one able to touch Gustave's heart and given him the ability to heal for the first time since his mother's passing. Perhaps she was the key to unlocking the shackles of grief that had begun to strangle them.

From his current perspective the task would take a miracle. Erik needed to utilize all the tools available to him to save the relationship he had with his son, or else he would be lost forever and Gustave would at last be alone in the world.

Erik looked over to Lisa, who still stood uneasily just inside the door. Timidity, he decided, did not suit her, and he didn't like seeing the agitation on her face as she looked back at him. Something inside of him responded, making him feel even more uneasy.

He stopped a moment to take in her appearance. She was wearing a much more modest night dress than he'd seen her in before. It hung to her ankles and covered her arms to the wrist, but still dipped dangerously to her bosom in a v-cut neckline. Her hair had been collected into one long copper braid that fell over her shoulder and was tied off with a ribbon.

Erik wondered if she'd changed her style of dress for his benefit. If he could he'd tell her he preferred the negligee to this more demure fashion. His mind began to drift as he looked Lisa over. When his eyes finally met hers again he knew he'd been staring. He held her gaze several seconds before speaking.

"So my gracious hostess, would you be so kind as to show me where the kitchen is? I'd like to make some tea." Erik leaned forward and touched the exposed flesh of Gustave's forehead to measure his temperature. Still warms, but not as hot as it had been hours earlier.

Erik stood slowly, marking the stiffness in his limbs. Despite being somewhere in his early forties, he was still in better shape than most men his age, and maintained the strength and stamina he'd known all his life through constant exercise. When one lives a secluded life it is imperative to keep both the mind and body sound. He performed daily calisthenics, as well as swimming, running and climbing whenever possible. But when he stayed still for any extended period of time heaviness filled his limbs.

Lisa watched him like she was seeing him for the first time as he stood, stretched and walked toward her. She hadn't spent an overt amount of time in the man's presence, but had never failed to notice that he was in good shape. Tall with broad shoulders and long limbed with a narrow waist. He moved with a practiced grace and felinity. Like a tomcat leisurely patrolling his territory, relaxed but always ready to pounce. There passed a few seconds while she just looked at him before she regained her senses and moved to escort him to the kitchen.

They left the room quietly, walking side by side down the stairs and towards the kitchen. It was a silent trip all the way there. As soon as they entered, Erik immediately took up his task, not waiting for Lisa to direct him or start making the tea herself. Lisa was pleasantly surprised to see he knew his way around a kitchen.

She took a seat on one of the stools that were set around a large island in the center of the space where food was prepared, and watched him. Even when he looked like he wasn't finding what he needed, Lisa didn't speak up to help him. If Mr. Y wanted help, he would need to ask for it. He never did, hunting until he found what he needed or just choosing to do without. Being alone with him in the dark kitchen lent a strange kind of intimacy to the moment that made Lisa tense.

Erik was keenly aware of her eyes following him, and with the silence it was making him a little anxious. He may consider himself a kind of performer, but was in no way used to having an audience. If he were going to be spending the next several days under this roof, he'd have to learn some coping mechanisms.

"Ahem, I understand you were married?" He asked without turning to face her. Lisa was caught off guard and her lips nearly locked against giving any answer, but she breathed deep and allowed the conversation to begin. She figured having to talk with the man was an inevitable consequence of him staying there, and it was probably in her best interests to find out as much as she could about him.

"Yes, but I lost Charles 15 years ago, at the same time my father died." A lump rose in her throat and she had to force it back. She didn't know why it was so much easier to discuss such things with a 13 year old boy compared to another adult, especially after a decade and a half. "They were killed in Morocco during a conflict between the Spanish government and the Rif tribes."

"So he was a soldier?" he asked.

"No, he was a sailor. Captain actually, of the San Mateo until his retirement. He'd been asked to take up the governorship of the territory after the death of Juan Margallo, but we weren't exactly welcomed with open arms."

"You were there as well?" Erik walked over to the counter carrying the expertly arranged tray for tea, complete with two cups. Behind him the pot was already near to boiling. Lisa could only stare blankly at him as she rallied herself to answer through an onslaught of memories.

"Yes. We were held captive for a short time until reinforcements arrived to liberate us." Erik looked into the green of her eyes. He recognized the shimmer of painful memories glinting in those emerald orbs. He had to glance away quickly when the sight stirred something within him.

"That must have been very difficult. It must have been a comfort to you to have had your mother with you though." He wanted to say something meaningful; although why he cared he didn't know.

"Yes, and Kara was a great help." A fleeting smile touched Lisa's lips for just a moment. "I heard you tell Dr. Gillis that you had no family. How did you lose them?" Erik's body straightened as his form braced itself. A well placed and fortified wall had been erected.

His social skills weren't very refined or well-practiced. It was much easier to ask other people questions, but he was never prepared to answer any about himself. He'd only learned how to begin with Gustave's help, so perhaps expecting him to open up a little to a stranger was going to be too much. Normally his first instinct was to tell people to mind their own business, but as he continued to look into Lisa's eyes there was another crack within him and he spoke.

"They aren't lost. I was sold into a gypsy circus as a toddler. I barely remember my mother, and have no memory of my father or any other relative." He talked as if he were describing the weather. Lisa made a sour face, as if she were confused.

"Why would a woman sell her child?" She didn't think about the question before it escaped her lips. Erik looked up at her with a look of annoyance, but she only sat waiting for him to elaborate.

"When you have a child with a face like mine what else is there to do. A face not even a mother could love." He was acting as if it was nothing to him. It occurred to him as an unpleasant shock that unlike anyone else he'd ever met, Lisa had never reacted to his masked face with a look of fear, distaste or intimidation. In the few times they'd interacted she'd spoken to him as if it weren't even there and he was a man like any other. His mouth dried suddenly.

"I can't understand that. Even if my child was born without a face I would still love him and give my life for him." Lisa sighed crossly at the thought, as if she'd been the one wounded by Erik's past abandonment. "What about the gypsies, did they treat you well?"

"I was a commodity to them, and considered no better than an animal." He answered quietly. "It is a very long story, and not very pretty. I'm afraid it is rather inappropriate for feminine ears." Lisa visibly prickled at his words as her pride and ego took a hit Erik hadn't intended to throw. He found it strangely endearing and almost found himself smiling down at her. Lisa on the other hand found his expression smug.

"These feminine ears have heard quite a bit. And these eyes have seen even more, including the bullets that exploded my husband's head and my father's heart. So there's no need for you to be concerned with my sensibilities." Erik looked back at her rueful of his insensitivity. It was not part of his repertoire to have these types of conversations, or any conversation at all.

Lisa had to catch herself before she became defensive. She had to remind herself that all men had been trained to both see and treat women as if they were made of porcelain with a head full of air.

"I'm sorry. It's been a long time since I've talked of such things with anyone and it makes me a little irritable. Perhaps you of all people can understand." Erik gave her one slow nod of acknowledgment, and Lisa's hard eyes softened.

For many moments they just stood there. They both felt a lot had been said in a very short conversation, much more than either had been prepared for. The pot of water he'd put to boil sounded loudly at that moment. Erik collected it onto the tray, and together they made their way back to the guestroom.

They settled themselves at a small table near the hearth, where a small fire had been lit to fend off any autumn chill. After checking on Gustave again, Erik poured the tea and handed it to Lisa, who graciously accepted it. Something about this very domestic setting tickled Lisa and she smiled to herself as she sipped the refreshment. She was feeling much too comfortable sharing tea next to a man who'd pretty much threatened her life. She was anxious, but not in the way her rational mind told her she should be.

"Is something funny?" he asked.

"I'm just pleased to see you being so adept with these little ceremonies."

"I've lived alone my entire life, so even a man must learn how to take care of themselves." he stated, feeling a bit overexposed. Something was happening here. Despite an entire lifetime of being reminded of how inhuman he was, Erik felt almost normal and it was unsettling. The sensation was as alien as rain to a desert, at once welcoming and alarming. Was this the effect she had on Gustave? Maybe then he could understand why the boy was so taken with her, a friend worth having…perhaps?

"It's very endearing. I hope Gustave takes after you." It was a strange compliment, making the moment very awkward for both of them. They fell once again into a pregnant silence. Both sets of eyes had settled on Gustave's sleeping figure, but beneath the surface both minds buzzed. Lisa fought to tame her thoughts and rally her logical mind to those issues and questions that required immediate attention.

"If you've lived alone for so long you must have left the circus at an early age. I've never known the Romani people to be very accommodating to an outsider, even those they employ, especially a source of income. How did you manage to get away from them?" Lisa asked.

Erik looked at her for a few seconds before answering. He considered that a lie would be the best option, but something about the moment and this strange woman made him pliable. He was already far more vulnerable than he'd ever been. Perhaps a shock was what he needed to level the playing field.

She'd already admitted to him that she thought him a man who'd taken life, so would he really be making a mistake if he were honest? Despite all the rational arguments against telling the truth, Erik found himself compelled to disclose the things he'd never told anyone. He held her eyes with his, ready to measure her reaction enough for him to be prepared for any problems.

"One day when I was perhaps 10 years old, my keeper died and I was able to run away." He watched her intently, waiting for her to either accept this version of the story or show doubt. Lisa's brows knotted as she gazed back at him, but he couldn't discern what she was thinking.

"Didn't they look for you?" He only nodded in response. "Where did you go?" she asked calmly.

"With the help of a friend I hid myself in the Garnier Opera house in Paris. I lived there for 22 years in the bowels of the theater, until it was destroyed." Although his eyes looked elsewhere he listened for any sound from his audience. A gasp, a whimper, but all he heard was a sad sigh.

"And that's where you met Gustave's mother, Mademoiselle Daae?" She asked coolly, but Erik could tell that she was holding back an emotion by the way her voice cracked. His rational mind told him he should stop now, but there appeared in him a need to test these unfamiliar waters. He might later look back on this and berate himself for having revealed so much, but in the moment the darkness of the room was like the quiet comfort of a confessional.

"Yes, the ballet mistress had been a friend of her fathers. When the man passed away from consumption Christine was brought to the Garnier as a ward of the house to train as a ballerina. I heard her one day singing in the chapel and realized her potential. So I took it upon myself to be her mentor, and she excelled as a performer as you know. She achieved quite a bit of notoriety before her career was so tragically cut short." The information bled out of him and he fought internally to stem the flow.

"Do you mean by her death or her marriage to the Vicomte?" she asked. Erik's head snapped to her, stunned by the question. How could she assume to know? It angered Erik not because of what she might think of him, but what it could imply against his Angel. It didn't take much of an imagination, especially a woman's he thought, to make the story of their lives into a sordid tale. But what he saw wasn't accusation. Lisa's eyes were filled with sympathy.

"Both." He answered with barely a whisper and then looked away. It seemed the air in the room had been spent. A stillness like the finality of the tomb hung about the space. Several minutes passed before anyone spoke again.

"How did he die?" Lisa asked.

"Who?" replied Erik.

"The gypsy who kept you, you said he died, how?"

"What does it matter? He was a vile, drunken and abusive monster." Erik didn't want to say it, feeling for the first time ever that might be ashamed of what had been done. He looked over to Lisa, with as stern an expression his half face could express, hoping it would deter her further. But she only stared back unwavering in her resolution to get an answer.

"During my time there, I was kept caged. Bolto, my keeper, mistakenly entered my enclosure inebriated and with his back turned to me. I'd managed to find some rope, so I wrapped it around his neck and garroted him. When he fell to the floor dead I fled."

It wasn't shock, horror or fear in Lisa's eyes as she looked back at him, not even pity for the caged freak. Whatever it was, her eyes felt like they were reaching inside of him and drawing out a heavy mass of guilt Erik never knew was there. Quickly he looked away, feeling both ashamed and full of self-doubt.

"In my adolescence my family traveled extensively throughout Europe. As consequence we came into contact with several roaming bands of gypsy's and I saw many of the miserable souls they kept prisoner. I remember thinking that I would do anything to save them, but my father told me that it was not our place to interfere. It had been the way of the Romani for hundreds of years." Lisa felt the distance of those experiences widen as she recalled them.

Erik really did expect her to leap from her seat, sending the tea flying, and run from the room screaming murderer and calling the police. Not this simple acceptance and even understanding.

In time Lisa stood, her mind giving up on quantifying her new predicament. Emotion was becoming clouded with reason, a problem some might say inherent to women, but for those who knew Lisa she was the last person to be called flighty, emotional or lacking good judgment.

"I think it's time for me to retire. I appreciate your time and conversation. I'll see you both in the morning." And with that she made her way to the door. Erik simply stared at her. Was that it? After one of the most telling conversations he'd had in his life. Just before reaching the door, Lisa turned back.

"I hope you know you're safe here, both of you. Thank you for trusting us Mr. Destler."

"Please, call me Erik. If you ever find again that you can't sleep, you're more than welcome to join me for a chat." He said softly.

Lisa thanked him and disappeared into the dark hallway. Erik resumed his position in the high backed chair next to Gustave's bed. He no longer felt nervous and fatigue was starting to pull on his consciousness, but he didn't want to be alone in his rented room.

He laid his head down on the edge of the bed near to his son, enjoying the feel of the boy's breath on the small part of his face that wasn't covered by his mask. Within moments he was asleep. His second to last thought before being lost to sleep was concern for his son, but the very last thing that filled his mind was the new friend he'd made.