Oghren made his way into the room he had been using since he arrived at Amaranthine, eager to wash off the day's accumulation of grime and darkspawn blood before joining Eriana and Alistair in her quarters. He was worried about his young friend. The moment he saw her standing in that room, covered in darkspawn blood, he knew that something was terribly wrong, and it didn't take him long to realize what it was. Zevran wasn't with her. Then he recognized the look in her eyes; how could he not. Hadn't he seen that same look in the mirror for years after Branka had disappeared into the deeproads without him? Sure she was still deadly, sure she was still the Warden, but Eriana was gone. The passion and the fire that had always defined her were gone from her eyes, replaced by a frantic kind of desperation. He had seen a spark of life when she recognized him and when Alistair had arrived, but it was short-lived, quickly replaced by a kind of darkness that he knew full well could consume her, a hurt that haunted him still. "Isn't that why you're here, Oghren, why you're running?" Shaking his head, he quickly banished those thoughts; now was not the time to dwell on his failures and losses. He had a friend who needed him, needed him more than she realized. After washing off and changing out of his armor, Oghren went to his liquor stash and almost grabbed a bottle of Antivan whiskey, the strongest stuff he had; then he realized that it may not be one of his smartest decisions, giving her Antivan alcohol, so he went with a strong Nevarran brew instead. Alcohol and glasses in hand, the dwarf made his way to Eriana's room.

Knocking on the door, Oghren was unsurprised to hear Alistair's voice ask who it was then tell him to enter. The King had probably been there as soon as he had changed out of his shinny new ceremonial armor. Oghrern cautiously pushed open the door and went in to find his two friends. They were sitting on a couch in front of a blazing fire, Eriana cradled in Alistair's lap like a child, crying softly with her head buried in his shoulder while Alistair held her and stroked her hair. Ogren wondered silently if she had even allowed herself to break down before now. Probably not; in public, she was always the Commander, never allowing any weakness to show lest someone use it against her. She hated being seen as weak, having to rely on someone else to save or comfort her. But here, in this room behind closed doors, she was Eriana, and here, for a moment, she would allow herself to be weak, and at least for tonight, she needed them.

"So, what's the story," Oghren asked Alistair as he put the drinks down on the table.

Alistair shrugged, "She hasn't really said anything yet. She kinda just fell apart when I got here, so I didn't press it." Alistair gave the elf a light pat on the back and a kiss on the top of the head.

"Here you go, kid, some liquid fortitude," Oghren said, pouring each of them a drink of the dark liquor.

"Make mine a double," Eriana muttered, her head still resting of Alistair's shoulder, but turning and taking the drink from Oghren. She downed it in one long swig and held it out for him to pour a second one.

"Take it easy kid, this is some strong stuff."

"I don't care; I just want to forget, to be numb," she said as she downed the second drink and turned back into Alistair's chest.

Alistair went back to stroking her hair, giving the alcohol a chance to work, "So, Ana, do you think you're okay to talk now; could you tell us what happened?"

She sighed and lifted her head, pulling her knees up to her chest, but staying in the protective circle of Alistair's arms. "I don't know what happened, really. Everything was fine while we were in Highever. I mean, he talked about the wedding and what we would do once we move here and everything. Then the morning that we were supposed to leave for here, I woke up and he was gone."

Alistair looked down at her, "Did you two have a falling out or something?"

"No, if anything things were better than ever. That's what I don't understand; it just came out of nowhere. I wake up to find that he took off in the middle of the night, without so much as saying goodbye. All that he left was a letter. A letter!" she shouted, "after all we've been through, and he just leaves a letter." A sob shook her body as she turned back into Alistair's chest.

Oghren grunted and downed his drink, "So do you still have this letter?" Eriana nodded and gestured toward the table. Oghren picked up the folded piece of paper, instantly recognizing the Antivan's practiced hand.

My Dear Warden,

The Crows it seems are of quicker resolve than I had originally realized. I had hoped that your mere presence would be enough to deter them for a time, but that does not seem to be the case. As it stands our continued relationship seems to endanger us both, something I cannot allow to happen. We would be easy targets in Amaranthine; you know this, though you may not want to admit it.

As much as it pains me to leave you, My Warden, it seems that I have little choice. There are pressing things that I must attend to in person that require that I leave. Do not make any attempt to follow me; I will be gone from Ferelden before you even read this. Know that I will carry the memory of you with me always.

I am sorry that it has come to this. Clearly, this is not what I desire, but it seems that our lives have inevitably pulled us apart. I hope that you will remember me fondly as I will remember you.

Zevran

There was a short postscript scribbled in Orlesian at the bottom of the letter, but Oghren couldn't decipher it as he didn't speak Orlesian.

Oghren shook his head and handed the letter to Alistair, watching the King's face grow angry as he read it. He couldn't blame him; the letter was so impersonal that it was almost cold. Zevran gave no indication as to what his plans were or if he intended to return. No wonder she was so upset; the letter wasn't exactly a break up, but it gave her no assurance that he would come back for her.

"What is the Orleisan bit at the bottom?" he asked as Alistair was reading the letter.

Eriana shrugged, "I have no idea. He knows I only speak Ferelden and Antivan. Why he would add something in Orlesian is beyond me. Alistair, can you translate it?"

"No, I was never good with languages in Chantry school. What does he mean 'the Crows are of quicker resolve than I realized,'" Alistair asked. "Did something happen?" Eriana nodded and started explaining the attack to the two men. "Wait," Alistair said, interrupting her, "Are you saying that you were nearly killed? How did they even know how to find you?"

Eriana shrugged, "It wasn't as bad as it sounds; we were able to kill them and stop the poison before any real damage was done. But it did spook Zevran; I think. He seemed to blame himself because they were after him." She looked up at Alistair, "We knew this was coming, though; Ignacio warned us, and we had talked about it at great length."

Oghren propped his legs up on the table, "Talking about the risk and seeing the one you love hurt because of you are two totally different things. Seeing what the Crows did to you probably forced him reevaluate things."

"So why didn't he talk to me about it? Why did he just leave?" Oghren could hear her voice become heavy with tears again. "I would have…we could have…I'm the Hero of Ferelden for crying out loud; it takes more than a few Crows to kill me. We were just surprised by this attack because it was so soon, that's all. We would have been ready for the next one."

"Maybe he didn't want there to be a next one," Alistair said. "It looks like he was trying to prevent that, to protect you by leaving."

"Well maybe I don't need protecting. I mean, look at the mess I'm in now. If he wanted to protect me, then shouldn't he be here now."

"Well, maybe he just wanted to make sure that there was one less thing you had to worry about. He knew you'd have your hands full, and this was a way of easing some of the pressure on you," Alistair said as he rubbed her back.

"What are you defending him now?" she shouted, eyes blazing.

"Noooo, nooo, nooo, not defending him, empathizing with him, maybe." Alistair quickly amended, pulling her close. "The way he went about it was wrong, but I can see where he may have been coming from. He knew he couldn't stop the darkspawn, but he could stop the Crows."

"But why did he leave the way he did?"

Oghren sighed, "If he had talked to you about his plans, would you have just let him go?" Eraina sighed and shook her head. "Look, kiddo, I know he loved you, there was no hiding it, so he must have thought things were really bad if it drove him to leave you. I don't think this was something that he did lightly."

"I agree with Oghren. I don't think he would have left you if he didn't think it was important."

Eriana sighed and rested her head on Alistair's shoulder again. "But it doesn't make things any easier. Why does this always happen to me? Just when it seems that my life is finally starting to work out, just when it seems things are going right, the bottom falls out and everything falls apart. I feel like my life has been one broken mess that I'm constantly trying to put back together only to have it fall apart again." She downed another drink. "I'm so tired of it all; I just wish it would all stop, that I could make the pain go away."

Oghren got up and put a hand on her knee and turned her head so that she was looking at him, "Kid, I know you're hurting, and I know that this isn't fair, but if anyone can make it through this, you can. You are stronger than anyone I know, myself included. It will take more than this to break you." Eriana smiled and hugged him.

"Thank you Oghren," she looked up at Alistair, "and you too, Al, I needed this tonight. I've been holding this in for three days. I think I'll be better in the morning, a little hung-over, but better."

Oghren and Alistair left an hour or so later after tucking the sleeping elf into her bed. Alistair was a bit hesitant to leave. "Do you think one of us needs to stay with her tonight?" he asked as they were turning to leave her bedchamber.

"No, she would be worried about how it would look to have one or both of us leave her room in the morning. She's an arlessa now and has to keep up appearances."

"You're right; I just feel bad, you know, leaving her like this."

"She's a tough one, Al; I think she'll be okay."

Alistair shook his head, "I don't know about that, Oghren. She acts tough, but she's hurting, bad. I've only seen her like this once, and it was his fault then too."

"Yeah, I know; she isn't like this often. You didn't see her when you left after the Landsmeet; that hit her pretty hard, too. But she's strong, and there's a lot going on here to distract her. As long as she has something to do, she'll be alight, I think," Oghren said as they closed the door to her room. "So, be honest, do you think he'll be back."

"I have no idea. If he's trying to do what I think he's trying…do you think he can do it, take over the Crows, I mean?"

Oghren shrugged, "If he's determined enough, maybe. He's clever enough to pull it off, and luck always plays a part in things like this, and he's got that in spades. For her sake, I hope his luck holds out."

Alistair sighed, "I just hate to leave her like this; it feels like I'm abandoning her."

"Hey, she's got me, doesn't she? I'll keep an eye on her, keep her distracted enough. She'll be alright."

Eriana woke up before the sun peeked over the horizon. Sighing, she pulled her knees up to her chest, unwilling to stretch out into the cold, empty bed. Waking up alone in such a big bed was somehow worse than waking up alone on a bedroll; perhaps the huge void in the bed was too similar to the huge void in her heart. She groaned as she rolled over, her head pounding with the lingering effects of the previous night's alcohol. She silently cursed herself for having drunk so much on an empty stomach as that always made her hang-over worse. How she could be both hungry and nauseated at the same time, she didn't know, but her stomach lurched bitterly at the thought of eating anything. She sighed to herself as the thought back over the previous night. She had woken up briefly when Alistair and Oghren had put her to bed and had listened to the two of them discuss whether or not they should stay with her. Part of her wanted to beg them to say, if only to keep from being alone for just one night, but she knew they were right to leave. She was the Warden Commander, and it was important that started to act like it. She was in no position to show any weakness; it was time to get down to business. Donning her armor and plastering a confident expression on her face, Warden Commander Eriana Tabris made her way down into the keep, ready to start putting her arling, her order, and her keep back together.

Alistair and Eriana made their way into the courtyard. She was grateful to Alistair for staying through the Joining ceremony. She wasn't sure she could have watched Oghren bring that chalice to his lips without Alistair's presence at her side. The only thing that was bothering her about the ritual was Mhairi. The young warrior had been so excited about the prospect of joining the Wardens despite the fact that Eriana had been so cruel to her, but in the end, the taint was simply too much for her.

"A copper for your thoughts," Alistair said as the servants were packing up the last of their things.

"I was so mean to her Alistair," Eriana said, glancing up at him. "I knew I was being mean the whole time we were together. She was young and excited, and all I did was crush that spirit and criticize her. I never really gave her a chance." She shook her head, "Are you sure you want me in charge here? I mean, I've done a pretty piss-poor job here thus far, allowing my Keep to be overthrown and being overly-critical of young, talented recruits and not even apologizing for it."

"Hey," he said, turning to her, "there is no one else I'd rather have here, no one I'd trust more. You were going through a hard time with you met Mhairi; you remember what I was like after Ostagar, right?" Eriana gave him a weak smile, "I snapped at people, mopped around, and complained about everything, but that wasn't me just like this isn't you. You will do a great job, I know it."

Eriana threw her arms around him, "Thank you, Alistair. I will try, really, I will."

"I know you will. Now, are you going to be okay?"

Eriana shrugged, "I don't know, but there should be enough here to keep me busy for the time being." She gave him a little shrug, "Now go, you have more important things to do than sit here and hold a weeping elf."

"I wouldn't say more important; if you need me to stay, I will. Eamon can handle the banns for me."

She smiled up at him, "You have no idea how much it means to hear you say that, Alistair, but really, I'll be okay. The best cure for misery is sweat, right? Just take care of yourself, okay."

"You too, and I promise to come by whenever I get a chance."

Eriana nodded and gave Alistair another hug before he and his entourage mounted their horses and left. Eriana felt her chest constrict a bit as Alistair disappeared from sight. Now to work; stay busy, stay distracted. As she stood there, watching Alistair leave, a dwarf and human guard came up to talk to her, introducing themselves as Voldrick and Garevel. Garvel, it seems was the captain of her guard and Voldrick was a dwarf who had been hired to reinforce the masonry on the walls of the keep. She realized it would be some time before Anders and Oghren were ready to work, so she suggested that they give her a tour of the battlements so that they could all get a good look at the keep's defenses and identify areas that need to be reinforced. Distractions, yes, distractions were good.

"So, this is the northernmost part of the wall," Garvel said, gesturing to the guard tower that they were approaching. "You have a secret entrance that opens up into the woods just beneath us. I believe it leads to your office and chambers."

"We could add some rune reinforcements to the entrance," Voldrick said, "You know, enchant it so only your signet ring or something like that opens it. We have several passages that are guarded like that in Orzammar especially in the Diamond District. It could give you an added level of security."

Eriana nodded, "You said that these are the northernmost battlements, those closest to the sea?" Garvel nodded. Eriana looked out into the woods for a moment. "An entrance here that could be secured without guards would be helpful; Voldrick, what would you need to do that?"

"Well, we would need some lyrium and some rune stones, and I think the Wardens have hired someone to do enchantments for you. We can work together to make sure it's done," he said as they continued on around the walls or the fortress. "From what I can tell, the darkspawn did a real number on this place. It will take a good deal of gold to get these walls up to standard."

"How much gold?"

"I would save 80 sovereigns at the very least to get the wall up to a passable strength. I know that the Amaranthine coffers are rather empty, but…"

"Mine are not, Voldrick; I'll have you the money by the end of the day," she said as they reentered the courtyard and bid them goodbye.

"One more thing, commander, we have a prisoner in the basement that you will need to deal with. He was captured the day before you arrived; it took four Grey Wardens to subdue him. We caught him poking around the estate in the middle of the night."

Eriana was impressed, "Four Wardens, you say? Who is he?"

"He won't give his name, but he's definitely not an ordinary burglar, that's for sure."

She glanced around the courtyard. "Alright, I'll go deal with him. Could you go and fetch the other Grey Wardens for me and have them meet me in the dungeon?" she asked as she headed off for basement. There she found a dark-haired man glaring at her with an angry, hate-filled look in his eyes, but something about him seemed familiar. She glanced over at the guard, "Open the cell, then leave us."

"Commander?"

"I said leave us, thank you," she said as she strolled into the cell with the thief. She leaned against the bars, looking at him as the guard shut the door behind her and left.

"So this is the famed Hero of Ferelden, conquer of the Blight and vanquisher of all evil. I thought you were supposed to be ten feet tall with lightning shooting out of your eyes."

"Ten feet tall, I guess you missed the part where they told you I was an elf."

"I suppose so," he said, standing, still regarding her coldly. "Somehow, I expected my father's murder to be a bit more impressive."

"Your father?"

"Rendon Howe," he spat. So that was why he seemed so familiar; this was the oldest Howe. "I'm Nathaniel, and it's my family's land you so conveniently inherited. I came here to kill you, you know, to avenge my father's death. I'm not without skill, you know," he said, and before she could react he was on her, pinning her to the wall, an arm at her throat.

She looked up at him, coolly, "So, now you have me, Nathaniel; what do you plan to do? You are not armed, and it would take too long to strangle me; you'd risk the guards coming back and catching you."

"I could disarm you."

Eriana smiled. "Not completely. Oh, you'd likely get one or two of the daggers off me, but," she said, "there's no way you could get them all."

Nathaniel looked down at her, "I have you pinned to the wall, talking about killing you, and you don't even seem to be afraid."

"If I panicked every time something attempted to kill me, I would be a terrible Grey Warden, Nathaniel. Besides, if you were truly intent on killing me, you would have waited till I was here, staked out my movements, and caught me at a vulnerable moment. You know all the secret passages in this castle, and every hiding place, too. If you really wanted to kill me, then you wouldn't have gotten caught the way you did."

Nathaniel blinked for a moment then shook his head. "I could always come back and try again."

"Would you?"

Nathaniel sighed, "Look, once I got here and saw the place crawling with Wardens, all I really wanted was to get some family things. That's why I got caught because I was looking for family keepsakes," he said as he released his hold on her. "Look, I just got back to Ferelden a few months ago to find my entire family gone, my name disgraced, and my land given to the woman who killed my father; how would you react? I didn't know what to do; killing you was the only thing that seemed right."

"Killing me won't bring your father back, and before you say anything, it won't give you any peace either. Believe me, I know. Revenge won't solve your problems; if anything, it makes them worse."

"Fine, oh wise one, so what do you suggest I do?"

"You could work to regain your family's honor. You weren't here when your father did those things; you could help fix that."

Nathaniel laughed bitterly, "And how am I to do that, huh? Joining the king's army. I'm sure King Alistair would welcome a Howe with open arms."

"He was just here, if you hurry, you could catch him," she said turning toward the cell door, surprised to find Oghren and Anders standing there with Varel and Garvel, all four with furious looks on their faces. "How long have you guys been standing there?"

"Long enough," Oghren grunted as he opened the door to let her out. "So what are you doing with him?"

"Letting him go," she said. Varel, Garevel, Anders, and Oghren all shouted "What?" in unison while Nathaniel just stood there, staring at her, mouth open in surprise. "You heard me, give the man his things, let him collect some of his family possessions, and let him go."

"Are you serious," Anders asked, aghast while Oghren just shook his head. "The man just said he would try to kill you given the chance."

Eriana shrugged, "If he is foolish enough to try, then he'll die; as he has made no official attempt on my life, I see no reason in holding him. Give the man his things and let him go." She turned to walk away, "But if I ever see you in my Keep again, Nathaniel, I will kill you." She made her way back into the courtyars, Oghren following quick on her heels.

"So, kid, what's the real meaning behind this?" Oghren asked once they were away from the others.

"Look, I killed his father; the man has every right to hate me. I can't blame him for that, but he seemed sincere enough when he said that he had changed his mind about killing me."

Oghren shook his head, "You know Zevran would freak out if he knew about this."

"Yeah, well, Zevran isn't here to have an opinion about that, is he? So I suppose I'll have to rely on my own judgment."

Oghren shrugged, "Your judgment hasn't led you astray yet."

Eriana glanced back at the dungeon, "Not yet anyway."

Well, we have Wardens now, yeah! I hope you all enjoyed this one, even though it's a bit longer than my usual chapters. Thanks to those of you who took the time to read and review, Warrose, Jen4306, Danyal, and Eva Galana. I really do listen to what you all say and value your opinions. And welcome aboard to those who added alerts and faves, Ataea, Kainen-no-Kitsune, and Thorn of the Dead Gods. I hope you all enjoy! Let me know what you think!