Christmas II

Brenda's viewpoint

Christmas had been a rolled gold disaster. Between my being in Atlanta where my parents were badgering me about the break-up of my marriage and my approaching spinsterhood on one hand and the fact that Sharon was with her family in Miami on the other, I'd been frankly miserable.

When daddy suggested that I should try a reconciliation with Fritz I'd kinda lost it, telling them both that if they thought getting back together with a man who'd spent the last year of our marriage emotionally blackmailing me to give up my career and be a good stay-at-home Stepford Wife popping out kids was a good idea, they didn't understand me at all.

I'd spent over an hour on the phone with Sharon that afternoon; I just needed to hear her voice after a miserable day. She'd ended up making me laugh at everything, for a while I could forget my parents, my ex an all and just enjoy chatting to my girlfriend, happy and content.

I'd gone back inside from where I'd sat at the back of the yard under the old cedar tree, to find myself on the end of a parental inquisition. Who was that, was it a man, what did they do, how did I meet him, was it serious, when would they meet him, the questions wouldn't stop coming. For a moment I'd had a taste of what it must be like for the people I interrogate, before I took the option they don't have and got up and walked out.

Dinner had been tense, with daddy ragging me for what'd happened with Fritz, telling me I'd turned my back on a good man and practically blaming everything on me until I'd lost it, telling him if he was so damned keen on Fritz why didn't her adopt him, then he could be part of the family without me having to be married to the man. Momma had started as well; suggesting that if we tried to get back together things might be different. I'd rounded on her and told her the only thing I was looking forward to getting together with Fritz for was sitting down across a table with the divorce lawyers and making it final.

I'd ended up fleeing the table with tears in my eyes. All my parents wanted was for me to go back to living the lie that had been the last year of my marriage, they couldn't see that I'd been miserable then and that they were making me miserable now. I spent the next few hours on the phone changing flights back to LA; I had to get out of here.

I woke up to an overcast Saturday morning and I knew I'd made the right decision, telling momma and daddy I'd been called back to LA to deal with a case; it was a lie, one they certainly knew but I didn't care. If I didn't get out of there I was likely to say or do something that we'd all regret, better to get out and deal with their disappointment than stay and make things worse.

Changing the flight to get back to LA early had cost a fortune but I considered it money well spent. I caught a cab to the airport and spent the last two hours in Atlanta sitting in a coffee shop there catching up with my niece Charlie. She'd grown up a lot in the 18 months since she'd last been in LA and it was good to talk to her.

She'd been sympathetic to my decision to leave, telling me that she'd actually been surprised I'd come, all things considered. I'd shrugged, telling her I didn't think that it was going to be as bad as it was. She'd just laughed and told me that for a detective I was pretty clueless, before asking if I'd met anyone new. I'd smiled and told her that yes; I was seeing someone and they were very special.

She'd got all excited and asked me about them so I told her that they worked at the LAPD, they were smart and wonderful and caring and that they understood me better than anyone I knew. The thing that made it special was that they understood how important my job was to me and how they didn't try and change me, they liked me the way I was and I wanted them the way they were, I didn't want them to change either.

Charlie had smiled and said they sounded like a keeper, something I'd happily agreed with. She looked at me closely and asked why I was in Atlanta rather with them, when I obviously loved them. I'd hummed and hawed, saying it was too early to be talking love, we'd only been together for two months, but she'd smiled at me and said I was kidding myself if the look on my face was anything to go by.

Eventually my flight was called and after promising Charlie she could come out and visit during her next holidays I made my way into the squishy, sweaty confines of a coach class flight.

Five hours later and I was back in my welcoming but empty apartment, in fact with Sharon in Miami, Maura and Jane in Boston and Natalie and Ana out in Wyoming I could feel the empty sense of loneliness hanging round me like a shroud. It was strange, for years I'd been used to being single and alone, now I'd become one of those people who needed their friends. It surprised me how much I'd changed in recent months, especially since Sharon had altered everything.

Thinking about Sharon led to me calling her, explaining I'd taken the coward's way out and fled Atlanta but she was very supportive, explaining that her trip to Miami was a little stressful as well.

Heather was fine and her new boyfriend Steve seemed like a great guy, he was the owner of a charter boat operation and they'd hit it off really well; the problem was Lucas' new girlfriend. Kim was a pediatric intern at the same hospital in Cleveland where Lucas was completing his cardio-thoracic residency, next year he'd be the one leading teams cracking open people's chests.

Kim was a pretty little Asian girl; Sharon had first thought she'd been shy and that she'd somehow intimidated her. I just hooted with laughter, reminding Sharon she scared some of the toughest cops in the LAPD, a little doctor from Cleveland didn't stand a chance. She'd laughed in response, before sobering and explaining that she had watched Kim and eventually worked out she wasn't comfortable with Sharon, especially when the subject of her girlfriend came up.

Sharon had been quite open with her kids; they knew Sharon had previously had a girlfriend, so they weren't fazed by the fact that their mom was seeing another woman.

In fact after seeing photos of us together Lucas had joked that the legendary Raydor charm must be working as she'd managed to catch a prize. I'd laughed and commented that they didn't know me at all but Sharon just told me she agreed with them, I was a prize worth having. I'd felt my cheeks burning at her words and choked a little.

Sharon must have picked up on it as she changed the subject back to Kim. She'd worked out that Kim got very uncomfortable when the subject turned to anything like Sharon being gay or having a girlfriend. Quizzing Lucas it turned out Kim was from a really religious, socially conservative background, they didn't believe in sex before marriage, let alone gays.

I'd rolled my eyes, asking how anyone could still believe in no sex before marriage in this day and age. Sharon had agreed, she'd told Lucas that if he hadn't slept with her he should, if they couldn't be open and honest with each other in bed, then they couldn't anywhere else.

I'd kinda sniggered at the idea of Sharon by-the-book Raydor suggesting someone else should break the rules but in the end I'd agreed with her, it may sound kinda harsh but Lucas needed to 'try before buy' with Kim. Finding out that you weren't compatible in bed with someone you really liked was always sad, finding out after getting married was a tragedy.

Sharon had explained she was going to have that chat with Lucas the following day, when Heather was going to take Kim out shopping, leaving her alone with him. I just asked her to take it easy on him; he obviously cared enough for her to forego sex, which was a pretty big deal for a young guy. Sharon had promised and we ended up chatting for another forty minutes before we reluctantly finished the call.

That afternoon found me bored, with nothing to do I'd pottered around, but my washing was mostly done, the fridge full (Sharon's influence), the place was clean (again thanks to Sharon) and there was nothing on except cheesy Christmas specials. Eventually the emptiness got to me and I piled into my car and headed down to the office, finding the place quiet but my desk full of files, so I spent the rest of the day getting paperwork done.

I wanted to make sure there was nothing hanging over my head when Sharon got back, no distractions from spending time with her, I couldn't stop the criminals of LA from messing up my plans but I was going to make damned sure that no paperwork was going to stand between Sharon and me.

I got a call late in the afternoon from momma, I'd told her I'd had a good flight and I was back in my office, she didn't believe me, all but saying I'd run back to LA to be with someone that I wouldn't tell her about. I got annoyed, told her she was being silly and to ring me on the office phone before I hung up on her. Thirty seconds later the office phone rang and I got a very sheepish voice on the other end when I answered with 'hello momma'.

I explained that I was in my office, completing work on a case and that I'd be working late. She started to tell me that was one of the problems I'd had with Fritz, before deciding to leave that subject alone. Eventually the call had stumbled to an end, leaving me free to complete a goodly pile of paperwork before calling it quits around 10.30 that night.

Christmas Eve was strange, quiet and a bit lonely, I'd brought the rest of my work home and was sitting in my pyjamas working on the lounge when I got a text from Sharon wishing me a good morning. We'd texted back and forth for a while before she let me know she was going to have 'The Talk' with Lucas. I'd just wished her luck and got back to work, though I was pretty distracted.

Eventually Sharon rang, telling me that her discussion had been a bit tense, Lucas had got a bit defensive but they'd eventually talked it through and the ball was now in his court. We ended up chatting for almost an hour, talking bout everything and nothing, it was just calming to hear her voice.

The rest of the day was spent working, before I rang Sharon about seven her time, wishing her a Merry Christmas Eve and telling her how much I missed her. She'd just laughed and told me I was just bored and wanted her to come back and distract her. I'd told her she was the best distraction I could think of and I was looking forward to being very distracted when she got back.

Christmas day was kinda blue, all alone in LA, feeling a little sorry for myself and missing Sharon terribly. When had I become such a clingy, needy cliche? I sent her a Merry Christmas text early and got one back, then got a call from momma, she'd kinda laid on the guilt trip for me running away to LA but it wasn't working, I'd rather be lonely and sad in Los Angeles than miserable and bitter in Atlanta.

I was expecting a call from Sharon but I hadn't had one yet. I was reluctant to call because she was spending the day with her family and I didn't feel like I had the right to intrude on that. Eventually I'd caved and rang, but the call went to voicemail. I tried a few times over the next few hours but each time I got her voicemail. I was thinking through all the reasons she wasn't answering, from being busy with her kids, to not wanting to talk to me, to a flat battery to something dreadful happening.

I was starting to work myself into a real tiz when the rattle of a key in the door set my heart racing, only one person had that key, with a bound I was off the sofa and into Sharon's arms as she stood there in the doorway, looking tired but beautiful.

I finally stopped kissing her long enough for her to ask if we might be able to move our reunion out of the hallway somewhere less public as I blushed in embarrassment, grabbing her bag and pulling it inside and practically dragging her onto the sofa where I launched into another round of kissing.

When we finally came up for air, she explained that she'd spent Christmas morning with her kids but the thought of me being all alone on Christmas Day had made up her mind and she'd jumped on a plane and flown home early to be with me. I kept interrupting her, tears running down my face, to show her just how much I appreciated her being there.

Finally I realised how tired she looked, so I hauled her into the shower and gave her a soothing wash, right down to shampooing and conditioning her hair, before toweling her off and dragging her to bed, where we cuddled for a while before she fell asleep in my arms.

I just lay there, feeling her there in my arms, full to bursting with all I felt for her, Sharon had flown right across the country so I wouldn't be alone at Christmas, I was so full of every possible emotion, just lying there holding her, watching her sleep left me with a goofy smile on my face.

Sharon slept for about two hours, finally waking as I watched, I'd noticed the little twitches and noises she made when she was waking up and was smiling when she opened her eyes. We lay there for a while, just kissing and cuddling, before I remembered that I still hadn't given Sharon her Christmas present, we'd agreed to exchange presents when we got back so now was as good a time as any.

Coaxing her up out of bed against her protests we moved back into the lounge where I grabbed her present from the dining table as Sharon fumbled through her carry on to find mine; Sharon and I had agreed that we would buy each other only one expensive present each.

I carefully handed over her present, I was nervous as anything, hopeful she'd like it. Carefully undoing the fancy wrapping her eyebrows shot up on seeing the Longines name on the box before opening it to see the Dolce Vita Diamond ladies watch nestled inside the silk lining.

I told her that I'd been out shopping before Christmas when I saw a Longines poster of this stunning Indian actress wearing the very same watch and how her eyes had reminded me of Sharon's and how I just had to get it for her and how I hoped she liked it and I'd kept the receipt and she could change it if she didn't like it and before I knew it Sharon's smile had left me stuck dumb.

Sharon looked at me and her smile widened, as she leaned in and kissed me, stealing my breath away before eventually pulling back; telling me how much she loved it. I'd practically cried in relief, as my girlfriend told me she loved it and would wear it right then and there.

It looked lovely on her, modern and stylish and beautiful and perfectly Sharon, it had cost a small fortune but it put an honest to god smile on Sharon's face, so it was worth every cent and more.

In return Sharon handed over a small rectangular present, wrapped in a beautiful purple and gold wrapping, she pointed out it was wrapped like origami, tightly wrapped but if you lifted one tab it all fell apart; I did as she indicated and the paper fell away, bringing a huge smile as the little child in me delighted in how it all fitted together.

Inside was a small flat leather box containing the most gorgeous, delicate gold chain with a diamond solitaire nestled in a pendant setting, understated but truly stunning and amazingly beautiful, it took my breath away.

Looking up into her eyes I'd seen the same feeling there that I felt. We didn't need words, I just reached out and pulled her to me and kissed her like we'd never stop. When finally we'd broken for air, I'd fallen into her lambent green eyes as she lifted the necklace out of its box and unclasped it, before reaching around and placing it round my neck.

Finishing, we sat there, facing each other, both of us struggling with everything we wanted to say, before I leaned in and kissed her, slow and soft and gentle, trying to put everything I felt into it.

Finally pulling back I looked down at the beautiful necklace hanging round my neck and all that it symbolised and I knew the time was right.

I looked back up at her and smiled, seeing the happiness in her eyes and said the three words I'd wanted to say for weeks,

"I love you Sharon" As I stared, biting my lip, tears started flowing down her cheeks before she smiled and reached her hands out to hold my face between her palms.

"I love you Brenda" I could feel my own tears falling as she leaned in and kissed me, as we lost ourselves in each other.

I don't recall much else of Christmas Day after that, it's still just a haze of love and joy but I'll never forget the moment when I looked into her eyes and said "I love you" and heard her say those wonderful words back to me, making me soar.

Best. Christmas. Ever.