2: Rocky Confessions
It's been three weeks since Sam dislocated his shoulder. His shoulder seems to be ok now but it's still weak. He wants to be back on the football team, although he can't be the Quarterback, for now anyway. He still needs to be careful though since dislocating a shoulder once makes it way more prone to happen again. Hopefully that won't be the case though.
Also, Kurt's dad has finally woken from his coma and he's doing well. He's out of hospital and he's getting better. Thank God!
/
Blaine, Sugar and I were sitting in Blaine's room watching TV. Sam went home early to rest.
"Oh guys I forgot to say, I saw Mr Schue in the mall yesterday when I was shopping with Kurt. He told us that he wants this week to be a 'Duets' week and it's gonna be a competition!" Blaine said.
"OMG, that's totes awesome!" Sugar shouted excitedly. "Last year's competition was so fun!"
"This is gonna be fun." I said. "Who are you guys gonna duet with?"
"Hmmm well I think since last year Kurt and I dueted, maybe I should sing with someone else?" Blaine said.
"I should sing with Kurt! I have the best song! Lady GaGa's 'Fashion'!" She said.
"That's a great idea Sugar. I can't think of two more fitting people to sing about Fashion" He said.
"Totally! Maybe I'll sing with Sam, or you Blaine" I said.
"Sure Ryan. We can decide for sure anyway at the start of the week." He said.
"So Sugar, have you smelled GaGa's perfume yet. You should get it since I can't buy it. I wanna smell it!" I said jokingly.
"Totes I do really wanna – " She said before being cut off.
"Uh guys, I just got a text from Santana… Puck's in Juvie." He said.
"What!" I shouted, shocked, my voice jumping up an octave in the process.
"It's what she just said. Look" he said as he showed us the text. "She said she text you guys too."
"I left my phone at home by mistake." I said.
"Mine's in my purse!" she said.
"Can I use your phone?" I asked Blaine.
He nodded before I dialled Puck's phone… No answer. I tried ringing Santana.
"Whaddup eyebrows" Santana said.
"It's Ryan. I can't get Puck on the phone. How do you know he's in Juvie?" I asked.
"Britt and I were in the store when it happened. He tried stealing an ATM, by strapping it to his mom's car… yeah" she said.
"What the fuck! What was he thinking?" I said.
"Dunno Irish, anyways, I gots to go. Need to tell more people. Don't forget we have a 'date' tomorrow." She said.
"There are more important things to think about right now Santana!" I shouted before hanging up.
I looked at the guys, both looking really worried.
"What the fuck are we gonna do?"
/
A week later:
None of us have been able to contact Puck. He's in Juvie for a few more weeks, according to Mr Schue anyway. We're worried for him and we wanna know what the fuck he was thinking. But since we can't talk to him, there's no point in dwelling about it, for now.
Duets week was fun. Since Puck was missing, there was an even number of people, so no one had to duet with Mr Schue, thankfully. I sang with Sam. We sang an acoustic version of 'Princess of China'. Sam told me afterwards that Finn came to him and told him not to sing with me cause people will think we're gay. Sam told him to worry about his own duet cause he wants to sing a song with his best friend. Sugar and Kurt sang. Blaine and Quinn sang together. Santana and Mercedes sang 'River Deep Mountain High' and they were freaking amazing! They won the competition, rightfully so. I was still disappointed though!
This week, we start preparing for the school musical. Mr Schue has decided that we're gonna do the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's a bit raunchy for school though… But if Mr Schue says it's ok then hopefully it is.
/
Most of the roles have been given out now. Finn and Rachel are Brad and Janet, go figure. Kurt is Riff Raff. Mike is Frank'n'Furter. Artie is the guy in the wheelchair. Tina, Brittany and Mercedes are all gonna play Columbia. Santana, Quinn and Sugar are playing Magenta. Sam is Rocky. Blaine is Eddie. I'm an extra. This is really unfair. I want a part. I finally can actually sing in front of people so I want to show it off now and actually have a lead role!
/
The next day:
"So guys, we need someone to take on the role of Frank'n'Furter, since Mike's parents have decided not to let Mike participate. Any takers?" Mr Schue said to the club.
Maybe I should try out?
Suddenly Mercedes spoke. "Mr Schue, I'd like to play Frank'n'Furter. I was rereading the script yesterday and it said: 'Don't dream it. Be it.' And it's my dream to play a lead role. Why not me? I mean I'd be all kinds of crazy sexy in that outfit. And I can re-interpret the number a little bit; make it more modern. I'd really like the chance Mr Schue."
"Um… I was also gonna say I could take the role… Maybe we could audition for it?" I said timidly.
"Sounds like a plan guys. Meet at the auditorium after glee practise today."
/
Mercedes and I had just finished singing 'Sweet Transvestite'. We stood on the stage, looking out into the audience, Mr Schue, Ms Pillsbury and the glee guys.
"So what's your verdict Mr Schue?" Mercedes asked.
"Guys, I'm just gonna confer with Ms Pillsbury for a moment before I give you my answer." He said.
We both started walking down to the others while Mr Schue decided on the winner.
"Hey hang on a sec Mercedes. Just wanna say, regardless of who gets the part; no hard feelings, ok? Y'know it's taken me a long time but I'm finally comfortable with my singing and now I wanna get more solos and leads." I said.
"Sure Ryan, talent like ours shouldn't go unnoticed. It's just a little friendly competition. I mean, Berry can't have every solo right" She replied.
We sat down next to the others as we waited for our result.
"Dude, that was awesome!" Sam said.
"That was very good, both of you, although since Frank'n'Furter is typically portrayed by a man, I think Ryan has an edge here." Rachel said.
A few minutes later Mr Schue stood up.
"Ok guys, so I think we've come up with a solution to our problem. Since you guys both did such a good job. We're going to make it a double role; brother and sister." He said.
Mercedes and I both looked at each other and hugged, ecstatic.
"Hang on just a minute! That's preposterous! You can't just change the play!" Rachel said.
"I'm the director Rachel, I think this could add some comedic depth" Mr Schue replied.
"Congratulations!" the guys all said.
I got a text a few minutes later from Sam.
Now u get 2 ty me up in bed (in d play) :P
I got a lead role!
/
It's been a few days since I got the part. We've all been rehearsing loads for this. We haven't actually gotten our costumes yet though.
I walked into the gym to find Sam waiting for me.
"Hey. You ready to learn some football?" He asked.
"I think so" I said.
"You ok?" he asked, slightly worried.
"Yeah I'm ok… Just a little, worried; about the play… I dunno how I'm gonna stand on stage and wear the costume while being confident… I'm gonna look like a twat!" I said.
"No you won't! Look what I have to wear. I'm gonna end up showing some nuttage on stage!" he said.
"Yeah but you can pull it off Sam. You have the perfect body for the role. I don't. My body is nowhere near being perfect. I'm gonna be bulging out of the freakin leather!" I said.
"Ryan, stop. You're body is fine. Stop worrying. You're gonna look good, doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I know you're gonna look good. If you want to change, then let me help you. I'm already teaching you football. I'll help make you an exercise plan." He said.
I paused for a moment before continuing. "Yeah ok… I'm still terrified though." I said.
"That's ok. I am too. But we'll get through it. You have a lead role. Think about that" He said, smiling.
/
The next day:
We all stood in the auditorium waiting to try on our costumes.
Rachel, Finn, the Unholy Trinity, Sugar, Blaine and Sam all had their costumes. Tina walked onto the stage with her Columbia costume, followed by Kurt.
"Sorry I'm late! Karofsky shoved me and I dropped all my books" he said.
Mercedes and I are next.
I walked backstage to the 'changing room' to get ready.
/
Oh dear Jesus…
It's fucking tiny. No it's too small. I'm bulging out of the seams. What if I burst out on stage? No I can't wear this. I can't. I can't do this. My family will see this. They'll know that I'm gay straight away. I can't risk it. I'll just embarrass myself. Why did I put myself up for this role? I can't!
/
"Is there something wrong Ryan?" Mr Schue asked as I walked back out in my normal clothes.
"Um… I can't do this. I just can't. Let Mercedes have the role. I'll be an extra." I said before walking out.
/
I was sitting at the bathroom sink. I was crying slightly.
I can't believe you just did that. Fuck's sake Ryan! All the confidence you've been getting. You're just throwing it away!
"Hey, what's wrong?" I heard Blaine say as both he and Sam walked in.
"I just don't want to play the role anymore" I said.
"Ryan, we've talked about this. You look fine!" Sam said.
"No I don't Sam. Thanks for pretending though. I just can't do it. I can't. I'll just embarrass myself. You need confidence with a role like that. I just don't have it." I said.
"Why not?" Blaine said.
"Because I don't look like you, Sam, Puck or any of the guys, even Finn! I've gained confidence with my singing but I can't show off my body like this. I just can't deal with all the judgement." I said.
"You need to remember what you said way back last year... Fuck it!" Blaine said.
"Look I wish I could. But this is too tough for me. I don't want to hold you guys back in the play. I do it enough already" I said.
"What? How?" Sam said.
"I'm too afraid to come out. Blaine, you're out. Sam, you're ready to come out. I know it. Kurt's out. I feel like I'm just weighing you guys down." I said.
"Don't say that! You are not! I've told you that we can come out when you're ready. I want to be with you, doesn't matter if you're out or not." Sam said.
"You don't weigh us down Ryan. We all love you. You brought us together. You need to stop being your own worst enemy" he said.
I paused for a moment.
"I know… I can't help it. These thoughts… They just come out and I can't get rid of them… I need to work on it… I'm still not playing the role though" I said.
"That's fine. Do what's best for you." Sam said.
"Exactly" Blaine said.
"Thanks guys… I'm glad you're here to help" I said.
/
Sp it turns out that my little freak-out about Rocky Horror was kinda pointless; Mr Schue cancelled the play the next day… Something about him not doing it for the right reason (i.e. him wanting to win back Ms P). It's probably for the best anyways.
/
The next day:
Sugar and I were sitting in her room listening to music.
"So… Is there anyone in glee that you like? Artie? Finn? Please not Finn…" I asked after sitting down on her bed.
"Yeah actually… But you can't tell anyone… Puck" she said.
I paused for a moment, waiting for her to laugh… No laugh came.
"Wait… you're serious?" I said, shocked.
"Duh! Why wouldn't I be silly?"
"Uh… cause Puck is gay… I know he says he's bi but I've even heard him slip up a few times and call himself gay… I think he's fully gay, he just hasn't realised yet" I said.
"No, he's bi… I have a shot. We're already dating!" She said.
"Sugar… you're pretending to date him; like Santana and I, and Britt and Sam last year; So Puck can hide his bisexuality… which basically means he's not ready to be out and gay. Don't you think if he was really bi that he would be out fooling around with girls like he used to? You and Puck haven't even fooled around… You haven't even kissed!" I said.
"We did kiss! At new years! I really like him! He treats me right. He doesn't use me for my money. Ya know what, I'm gonna tell him when he gets back from Juvie" She said matter-of-factly.
"Look you do it if you want. I don't mean to sound harsh but I don't want you to invest your feelings into something that will only lead to you getting hurt."
This isn't gonna go well…