The Train

Sunlight pierced my eyes, representing the start of a new day. I sighed, groggy and hungry. I wanted breakfast; I wanted to be home so that I could make my own breakfast. I was sick of being served, I was sick of unfortunate avoxes being forced to get me whatever I wanted. They didn't deserve it as much as Peeta and I deserved to be in the games for the first time around.

Peeta…

The events of the previous night all rushed back to me in a hasty blur. I was naked, and as I glanced to my side Peeta was as well, his hair disheveled in a messy disarray of golden honey. He was curled up on his side, his hands underneath his head and his mouth hanging open slightly, a steady even breath clear as his chest rose and fell. My god…we'd had sex…

No. We'd made love. But was it a decision I'd made on impulse, an act of neediness emitted from my dream? Or had I really had an epiphany of love for Peeta Mellark…?

Whatever the reason, it had surely changed my life forever. I'd lost my virginity; to a man I knew I would have to be with forever. But…would it really be that bad? I knew Peeta would be good to me, I knew he loved me. He deserved everything in the world, and the only worry I had now was that last night wasn't a disappointment for him. I had hoped he wouldn't regret it. I don't.

It wasn't until I tore my eyes away from Peeta's face that I realized Cinna was chuckling in the doorway. My first reaction was to hide myself, until I realized it was nothing he hadn't already seen a million times.

"What are you doing in here Cinna?" I muttered a little too harshly, scrambling out of bed to snatch my clothes up from the floor.

"To inform you that we'll be arriving soon and you'll be needing some breakfast, and clothes for that matter," he stated, his expression smug. God, this was embarrassing. Not because he had known that I'd slept with Peeta, but because he was my closest friend, at least one of the only people I trusted, and he knows how much resentment I had first held for Peeta. Now I was making love with him. The sudden change in my personality startled me, and for him to know it was well was uncomfortable.

He sensed my discomfort and nodded before his departure, closing the door behind him to give us privacy. I knew that nobody else would simply walk in on a closed door, except for maybe Haymitch, but I was positive Cinna would warn him beforehand.

I turned to Peeta once more, contemplating on whether or not I should wake him. I figured dressing first was a good idea. But knowing that Cinna would be redressing me later meant that only sweats and a simple t-shirt were necessary. After pulling my hair into my braid to keep it out of my face and hide the mess that had been caused by last night's…events… I gently touched his shoulder. He didn't budge.

"Peeta, wake up," I urged, shaking him. He sighed, yawning and stretching his arms up above his head. When his beautiful blue eyes met mine, I was reassured. I loved him, this was going to work.

He smiled, tenderly brushing his fingers against my cheek and kissing my forehead.

"Good morning my love," he told me, obviously thrilled that he could now do it in the privacy of our own space, and that his words held a significance for both of us. They meant something now, not only for him but for me.

They served grapefruits and custard-tarts for breakfast this morning. Honestly I thought it was great, one of the best meals I've had in a long time. It seemed Peeta liked it as well, or it could've just been the morning-after smiles. I was glad not only that he didn't regret it, but that I was able to enjoy the frothy warm feeling in my stomach as well. If I could change what'd happened, I wouldn't.

"So Peeta, you slept in Katniss' room last night?" Haymitch asked, placing a grape in his mouth with a shiny black fork. Peeta was silent, and he looked at me expectantly for guidance. He knew me a little to well.

"Yes, is that unnatural?" I replied, all eyes on Peeta and I. They all knew that Peeta slept in my room every night, but Haymitch had pointed it out, so there was a shift in the atmosphere. Something was up.

"No, I guess there isn't." And that was the end of it.

After a few more minutes of awkward silence and eating Cinna escorted me away to be dressed for our arrival in District 11.

My head is spinning with images, thoughts, worries. I didn't want to be here, the only thing keeping me from noticing Cinna undressing me was his constant chatter about how quickly we must act, because district 11 was nearing. I had been so worried about how I would convince everyone that I was so madly in love with Peeta. Now I was, so it should be easier right? So why doesn't it feel like it...

"Three, two, one..." Rip!

"Ow! Cinna, you could've warned me!" I scolded, rubbing the now hairless spot on my leg.

"Did you not hear me counting?" He chuckled. I shook my head, looking at myself in the mirror. What about me had made Peeta want to make love with me? I can't find myself repulsive, but certainly not inviting. Or maybe he just saw that Katniss that Cinna knew how to dress up, the one that could only be cured with make-up and pretty dresses.

"Katniss, are you ready for the second one?" Cinna's voice shook me from my thoughts again.

"When are you dressing Peeta?" I asked.

"After I'm through with you. Are you ready?"

I nodded, though the double meaning in his words told me that I wasn't. Rip!

"Ow...," I moan. Cinna winced.

"I'm sorry."

My mind couldn't stop racing. For a reason I didn't want to think about I couldn't shake the feeling from my mind that I got when Gale had kissed me in the woods. It felt like so long ago...

I think about when I had been visited by President snow, about how he had blackmailed me into falling for Peeta. Poor Peeta...he didn't deserve this.

"I'm only interested in how it affects your dynamic with Peeta, thereby affecting the mood in the districs," he says.

"It will be the same on the tour. I'll be in love with him just as I was," I say.

"Just as you are," corrects President Snow.

"Just as I am," I murmur.

"What was that?" Cinna asks, looking up at me from his work on my legs.

"I'm in love with Peeta, Cinna, and I can't figure out why the hell I am," I tell him.

He laughs. "Of course you are. I've known since the first time you saw him."

"How could you know! I didn't even know! There's no way...," I exclaim, knowing there's no way he could be serious right now. Oh Cinna, don't make me regret telling you this.

"I thought your prep team already cleaned you up!" Cinna exclaims, ripping another chunk of hair off. "It's not like them to miss this much...," he trailed off.

"I think they were just a little excited," I murmured, half of my sentence coming out in a whisper. He sensed the helplessness in my voice and finished doing what he was doing, setting me up on the bed and softly running a comb through my hair.

"Portia!" Cinna shouts. I groan, I don't want more people in here. "I'm sorry," he apologizes, "so Haymitch tells me that you had a conversation with him last night, when we stopped for fuel?" I nodded, remembering.

"I guess it's not as bad as it was then...but I just hate what they're doing, I hate how I can't make decisions for myself Cinna, I hate it!" Tears streamed down my cheeks and Portia sighed as she entered the room.

"Come on, you'll have time for emotion later, you can't mess up that beautiful face now!" She starts wiping the wetness from my cheeks and steals the comb from Cinna, muttering something about doing it wrong and that hair was not something for a man to be in charge of. "Go get her clothes," she instructed. He obeyed, and I smiled politely at her.