6: What Just Happened?

I stood looking at the note for I don't even know how long. I couldn't move… Frozen… I just went numb… My eyes darted back and forth, reading the words over and over.

I can't do this anymore. I can't be with you. I'm so sorry.

- Sam

What does that mean?

Well what the fuck do you think it means Ryan? Sam just left you.

I feel like everything is in slow motion. What is happening?

I found the will to move my foot forward and sit down on the bed.

My stomach is doing somersaults…

Maybe… Maybe it's just a joke? Maybe he's at my house now ready to surprise me?

Don't kid yourself…

But maybe he is? Sam has a funny sense of humour, maybe it's a joke?

I should call him.

I took out my phone and the number was typed before I even registered. I pressed the call button.

"We're sorry. This number cannot be reached at this time" The automated voice pelayed back.

His phone is turned off… Either this is a big hoax or he really has left me…

No! No he can't… It's Sam… He wouldn't do that.

What the fuck is happening?

/

I sat in silence for a few minutes, trying to comprehend the information I had just found out, when suddenly I heard a knock on the bedroom door.

"Sam?" I practically screamed as turned around quickly.

"Uh-I'm guessing you didn't find him then? Blaine asked as he walked into the room. "What's that?" he asked, pointing at the note in my hand.

"Uh-" I paused, not sure what to say.

What if Sam is actually joking about this? What if he hasn't really broken up with me…? I need to find this out first. I need to talk to Sam.

"Oh just a piece of paper I found" I said. "Sam isn't feeling well, so he went home early; he just text me." I said quickly. "I – uh, I'm not feeling great either. I think I might go home."

"Oh, are you sure? Well look, I'm not really in a festive mood anyway so I'll drive you home" Blaine said.

"No it's grand I can walk. Don't wanna leave Puck and Lauren alone with Sugar" I said.

"Ryan, you're not feeling well. I'm not letting you walk home when you're sick. I'm driving you home. It's no problem. Besides, Sugar will be fine. In fact, they're all dancing and singing downstairs together. Puck apologised to Sugar. Whatever you said worked" He said. "C'mon, let's say goodbye before we go".

I was going to stop at Sam's house on the way. Fuck.

/

I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it with my own two eyes. Sugar, Lauren and Puck were all dancing together and actually having fun.

"Ryan! Thanks for talking to Puck!" Sugar said as she rushed up and hugged me. "Lauren is actually really cool!" She whispered into my ear.

"No problem BMA, that's what I'm here for" I said smiling. "Uh-listen, Sam's sick and he left early. I'm not feeling well either so I'm gonna go home ok, Blaine is giving me a lift. I'm sorry".

"It's ok! Just feel better! Tell Sam I hope he feels better too!" She said before returning to dancing with Puck and Lauren.

If only I could contact him.

/

The car journey was relatively silent. Blaine had tried to make small talk but I told him I had a headache, didn't really feel like talking. I feel bad.

The familiar right turn to my house was in sight when the car turned to the left instead; into a car park.

"Uh – how come we're parked here?" I asked; voice slightly hoarse from not talking.

"There's something you're not telling me" Blaine said.

"What, no there's not" I said, trying to muster the effort to focus on lying.

"Ryan, it's me, you can talk to me. I can tell you're upset. What's going on with Sam? He was acting all weird forgetting his presents, he left and didn't tell anyone, and when I knocked on the door, you called out Sam's name, but then you told me that he had text you that he was sick and left early." He said, sounding confused and worried.

I can't even lie right now… I can hardly think at all.

"When I went upstairs, I found a note on our bed." I said, as I slowly handed the note to Blaine.

He read the note and paused for a few moments before speaking. "Oh Ryan… I'm sorry" He said softly.

"Great, so it's not just a big prank like I hoped? You're not in on it?" I said, somewhat sarcastically.

"If this is a joke, I don't know anything about it" He said.

"Did Sam say anything to you about any of this?" Blaine asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"No… Nothing at all. His phone is turned off. I don't know what I did." I said.

"I'm sure you did nothing wrong Ryan. Maybe wait until you talk Sam before you jump to conclusions" Blaine said, sounding hopeful.

"I will… But it won't do any good. I wish with all my heart that this was a joke… But I don't think it is…" I said.

"You're keeping it together well. Are you sure you're ok" Blaine asked.

"No… I'm not. But right now I just feel… Numb" I said solemnly.

I saw Blaine give me a look of pity before leaning in and giving me a hug.

"Let's get you home. I'm gonna be here if you need me ok. I'll try and talk to Sam for you. You try and get in touch with him too." He said.

"Thanks Blaine, it means a lot" I said.

"What are best friends for. You did the same when Kurt and I broke up" He said.

"Could you do me a favour? Please don't tell anyone else, even Sugar and Puck… Not yet. Let me figure all this out first" I said.

"Of course".

/

I walked into my house after Blaine dropped me off. It was dark, everyone must be asleep. I walked upstairs, opened my bedroom door and I saw… Nothing.

He's not here. He didn't leave anything here… I really hoped he would be… That's it then… He really has left me…

No! I'm not leaving it at this! I need to talk to him. I need to.

/