iCarly: iMake A Decision

I don't own iCarly. Is anyone under the impression that I do?

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Chapter 3: Truth Hurts

….

This is going to hurt. "Uh, h-hello, Carly. Are-are you ready?" I'm sure not.

"Yeah, Grif, C'mon in. I just have one last thing to do…" She is currently bustling about the apartment, putting away the dishes, which, I note with some amusement, mostly consists of empty pizza boxes and disposable paper plates. Well, they work as well as anything. I've seen food served on golden platters; I'm sure it tasted the same. "So, where we going tonight?"

I draw her over to the couch. "Uhm, Carly? There's something we—we need to talk about."

She literally stops dead in her tracks and stares at me. "Uh oh."

I raise my hands, defensively. "I only would like to, to say something." I draw a deep breath. Unnecessary, of course, but… "Carly, I…have a secret. One I've kept from you ever since we first met. A-and…it's pretty big." The thunder outside is drawing close, and I know Carly is afraid of thunderstorms. But a mere Earthly thunderstorm is the least of my concerns right now.

She comes over and sits by me. I can't help but be reminded of how much she resembles Aunt Maggie, in a way. Both are beautiful…beings. "Okay. I'm listening."

"First off, I'd like to start by telling you how I feel about you. I love you, Carly Shay. There's no point in mincing words about it. It's the truth. And…telling the truth is one of the things I'm designed for."

"'Designed for'?"

"A poor term, but there really aren't any better ones." I sit forward, burying my face in my hands. "The simple truth, Carly, is that I'm…not human." There. I said it. Aunt Maggie will probably be incensed, but it can't be helped.

She's looking at me, tilting her head first one way then the other. "Grif? Are…are you trying to break up with me?"

I sigh. "Actually, I'm doing everything in my power to keep from breaking up with you. But…you have to know the truth. And…the truth will set you free."

"So this 'truth' is, you're not a human being? Grif, do you have any idea how insane that sounds?" She is actually getting angry. I'd not considered this possibility. "This isn't about the Pee Wee Babies thing is it? I already said I was sorry for that, and that was a long time ago-*"

"No. It has nothing to do with that. That's…over with. As you say, a long time ago. Surely you know me well enough to know I wouldn't try to, to resurrect any sort of old grudge."

"I thought I knew you. But now you're lying to me."

"I'm not lying! In fact, this is the first time I ever revealed the whole truth about me. If you're going to get angry with me, it should be about that, that I didn't confide in you earlier."

"Griffin. You're clearly human. I can touch you, feel you…I've kissed you! How can you say you're not human? What are you trying to pretend to be, a robot or something? Is this an elaborate game to get rid of me?"

I shake my head. This isn't going well. How could I have put it better? "Carly, I'm not lying to you. I'm not a human being. Nor am I a robot, or alien from outer space, or an evolved jellyfish from beneath the ocean. No, all that would actually be minor by comparison, to the truth."

She spoke in a kind of quiet voice, but still angry. I see her stance, hear the anger in her voice, and right then, I would trade Eternity to make it go away. "And what is the truth, Griffin?"

"I'm an angel."

She stands up, moves towards the door. "Get out! Just…just get out!" I can hear the sobs in her voice that she doesn't think I hear, but I do. And I would do anything I can think of—even Fall-to take that anger away. Perhaps I could reason with her, explain that all this was to save her from pain. "Just go! Go on!"

Sadly, I see that there is not. And so I leave.

Later, I sit alone on the corner of a building in downtown Seattle. I can't go home again, to the apartment. I cry, my tears falling to the streets below. It's beginning to rain, but this rain can never wash away the tears in my heart. I hold up my hands before my face, and the rain drops fall on them both, the right hand and the left, with no difference.

"Well," says a voice right beside me, "That could certainly have gone better."

Surprised, I turn and look…at myself.

Carly was just finishing up a world-class cry. There was absolutely no joy, no comfort in the world right now. Now…her former boyfriend had, had tried to lie to her to, to break up with her? Couldn't he at least be honest enough to do that? Wasn't he enough of a man to just come right out and say it, for God's sake?

She was sniffling so hard, she almost didn't hear the phone ring. Surprised, she picked it up, checking the caller ID. Unknown number?

She was tempted not to answer it; unknown numbers were usually sales calls or worse. But something told her to press the green button. "H-hello?"

"Hello. Is this Carly Shay?"

"Uh, y-yes, it is. Who's-*"

"I'm Margaret Strider. I'm Griffin's aunt. Is he there?"

Sniff! "No. No, he's not, and I don't ever want to hear-*"

"He told you."

"He lied to me! He said he was-*"

"An angel."

"Y-yes…" How did this woman know what they'd talked about? More specifically, how could she know about Grif's lies? Had the two of them rehearsed them, somehow?

"Carly, normally, I'd allow you to believe whatever you choose to believe. But this is more important than you know. So I'm breaking my own vows."

"Look up." Startled by hearing the same voice she'd just been talking to on the phone in person, in the very room she was in, Carly Shay looked up.

The person who'd identified herself as "Margaret Strider" appeared to be a young woman in her early twenties, with long brown wavy hair that fell below her shoulders. She had dark brown eyes, high cheekbones, and a chin that came to a point below a mouth that looked like it was more accustomed to smiling than any other expression. She wore a relaxed outfit, plaid shirt and comfortable looking jeans. The overall effect was of an extraordinarily beautiful young woman, what Spencer would call a "nuclear hot cupcake." "I'm Griffin's Aunt. He calls me Maggie. So may you, if you so desire."

"How—how did you-…?"

Aunt Maggie smiled a little sadly. "Because Griffin wasn't lying to you, Carly. He is an angel. As am I."

Carly began crying afresh. "No, no, this is all some, some elaborate, I dunno, some kind of hoax or something…"

Aunt Maggie came and sat by her on the couch. "Do you believe in angels, Carly?"

Carly thought. "I, I guess I do. I mean…"

"You believe the popular myths about us. The robes, the wings, the peace and love."

"Well…yes…." She found herself making guarded replies. Aunt Maggie was a trifle intimidating. And quite a bit younger than Carly had supposed. Or so she appeared. "How did you get here?"

"We can be wherever we need to be. Right now, I need to be here."

"Er…why?" Carly was wondering. She still didn't believe this drivel about Grif (or Aunt Maggie) as being honest-to-Go*…uhm, honest to goodness angels, but she confessed, she had no idea how this woman could have come here, not only traversing the distance apparently instantly (had she been standing just outside the door?), or…how had she gotten in. But then she remembered, back when they first met, Grif had stolen Spencer's bike. So he knew about locks, etc. No reason why this "Aunt Maggie," if that's who she was (and she had to be the youngest, certainly the most gorgeous aunt Carly had ever seen) wouldn't know a thing or two about them herself. Warily, she eyed the person sitting next to her.

"I've wanted to meet you for some time, but it never seemed to happen. I can see why my nephew was so attracted to you.

"But much as I'd like to just get to know you, I'm afraid there are more serious matters at stake. I gather, from talking to you, that you and he had something of an…argument?"

"An argument? Oh, you mean like when he lied to me, to break up with me? Yeah, I guess some people would call that an 'argument'!"

"Why do you think he lied?"

"Oh, come on. An angel? Yeah, sure."

"You just said you believed in us. Why do you believe Gryphon couldn't be one?"

"Because…because…" Something in the back of her mind snagged on the odd, slight mispronunciation of Grif's name.

"Because," continued Maggie, relentlessly, "you've been conditioned to believe such things don't happen. Whether you 'believe' in them or not, they just don't. Thus, there are no such things as UFOs, no Men in Black, no ghosts, no witches, vampires or werewolves…and no angels. Isn't that about right? In short, there is nothing beyond what you can see and understand with your five senses."

"Well…."

"Yet you believe. Or so you say."

Carly turned to the person sitting next to her. "Why are you here? How'd, how'd you get in here, anyway?" A quick check of the door; it was closed tightly, just like she'd slammed it after Grif had left.

Maggie's naturally sunny countenance took on a very somber look. "Because I can't sense him right now. And…from what I can sense, in the cosmological ether…he may be in more danger than he's ever been in."

…..

"Who are you?" I ask, even though I know the answer.

"Why are you asking questions you already know the answers to? You know who I am. Also what." My double sits right beside me, there on the ledge of the building, our feet dangling over the edge. The rain continues to pelt us, but, frankly, it feels good to me.

"You…you're me."

"I'm a part of you."

"You're a dark version of me."

"Dark? I am you. Are you dark?" I look; about all living beings, there are lines of potential, some emanating upward, into Light, and some falling downward, into Darkness.

My double's lines are much the same as mine: most radiate upward, into Light. But some few take a downward turn, falling into the ultimate Darkness that has awaited since long before this transient phenomena humans call Creation came into being.

It occurs to me that I've never really known fear before.

My doppelganger simply looks at me, as if I should understand why this is taking place. And, it occurs to me, perhaps I do. Of course. "You're here….because of her."

"Got it in one."

I stand to my feet, quickly. "Leave her alone!" I can feel my wings begin to unfold from my back, as I prepare to do battle for the one I love.

My double also stands, a look of innocence on his—on my—face. "Oh, I'm not going to do anything to her. I'm you, remember? And you would Fall into Ultimate Darkness itself rather than hurt her. But what if….what if I told you it was possible? That it was all possible? You and her…together? Her accepting you for what you are? For all Eternity?

"Not just for the short human lifetime, the flicker of a candleflame, but Forever?

"What if?"

"You're lying!"

"I'm you. Are you lying to yourself?"

"You can't be me. I can't be having this conversation! I don't know any way to, to accomplish what you say, so, so I can't tell myself something I don't know! You can say you're me all you want to, but you're not!"

My double looks at me, his gaze narrowing. "You're afraid."

"What?"

"Afraid, not of failure, but of success. It's so much simpler to play the tragic hero, doomed to be forever separated from his One True Love…than to take upon yourself the burden—yes, you heard me right, the burden—of actually attempting to make a relationship of this sort work. So it's easier to pretend it's impossible. Isn't it?"

I want to strike out at this lying, conniving….thing in front of me…but I cannot.

Because he's right.

To be continued…