9: Done
A week later:
First day back to school. I've been at home for practically the last month. I saw Sugar and Puck once when they called over, worried that I was still sick. Blaine's been over a few times. He's been trying to contact Sam… Nothing. I've tried too, but again, nothing. No replies to texts or calls, no answer at his door.
I've basically give up. I have no fight left in me, which is funny since there was never a fight to begin with. I'm just drained. I love him and I doubt I can get over this… But what can I do when he doesn't want to speak to me?
/
I walked up the familiar steps into the halls of McKinley. I was a few minutes early today, since my mam dropped me on her way to work. The halls were practically empty aside from a few teachers and the odd student.
I walked to my locker and started sorting out my books slowly. After a few minutes I heard the nearest door open up. I peered around and almost dropped my book when I saw Sam walking out the door, hair wet from his early morning workout.
We both froze for a moment. I took in all the features I had missed for the past month.
His lips, His hair; It looks longer, his perfect arms.
The moment passed just as quickly as it had started. I stood not knowing what to do. He shifted his eyes to the floor and awkwardly strolled to his locker (I forgot how close it is to mine… On the same row).
The past month I've been waiting to talk him, trying to contact someone who just disappeared off the face of the earth… And now he's here in front of me… It's awkward. He's not talking. He must hate me with the way he's treating me… I don't even know what I can say to him at this point…
A few moments later and I heard the locker close quickly and he darted out of sight.
/
Lunchtime:
Blaine and I were talking at the lockers.
"That must have been tough. I can't believe Sam didn't even say anything. He hasn't even spoke to me in weeks. You ok?" Blaine said.
"No but I'll get there, I hope…. Still numb." I said dryly.
"So are you gonna tell the guys soon? They probably already suspect something" Blaine said.
"Yeah I'll probably will soon."
"Tell us what?" Sugar piped in as her and Puck walked over to us.
"Oh-uh um" I stuttered.
"Ryan was just telling me that he heard Mr Schue talking to Coach Beiste earlier and we might be doing the halftime show this week." Blaine said quickly.
"Yeah" I said dryly, turning around and mouthing 'thank you' to Blaine.
"Dude, are you ok? You've been acting weird lately… Sam too… Come to think of it, where is Sam?" Puck asked, looking confused.
I didn't know what to say, so I continued packing up my bags.
"Hey, you dropped something!" Sugar said excitedly, bending down to pick it up.
"Ryan!" Blaine said quickly.
"I turned to see Sugar holding the note and reading it as her face scrunched in concentration. Puck was reading it over her shoulder.
"I'm gonna kill that punk" Puck muttered.
"Ryan, what is this?" Sugar asked, looking shocked.
I shared a defeated look with Blaine before sighing.
"At your Christmas party, when I went looking for Sam, I found that note on my bed. Sam had already left. I didn't tell you because I wanted to talk to Sam first and see if it was just a huge joke… But Sam hasn't spoken to me at all… I saw him this morning for the first time since the party and he completely ignored me…" I said dryly.
"Dude, what the fuck? Have you been dealing with this by yourself for a whole month?" Puck asked.
"Well no, Blaine knew. He knew something was up, so I couldn't really hide it" I said.
"Are you ok?" Puck asked.
"No".
"Well look, we're here for you ok. I'm gonna beat his ass when I see him" He said angrily, clenching his fists as he did so.
"No Puck, thanks but that's not gonna solve anything. It won't stop him hating me" I said.
"He doesn't hate you" Blaine said.
We were so caught up talking that it was only after a few seconds that I registered Sugar had started moving.
"Hey, Sugar where are you going?" I shouted as she turned round the corner quickly.
We shared looks of confusion as we quickly followed.
We caught up to Sugar as she was opening the doors to the cafeteria. I saw Sam with his back turned away, deep in conversation with Quinn.
"Sam!" Sugar shouted out as she walked right up behind him.
He turned around slowly only to be slapped hard across the face. Sugar looked at him for a moment before Quinn pushed Sugar and told her to get away from him.
Sam just stood there, looking stunned.
Sugar rushed back to us and walked out the door as we followed again.
We stopped in the halls and she ran over and hugged me.
"I'm s-sorry Ryan! But how could he do that to you?" She said sadly.
"I dunno Sugar… I really dunno" I said slowly.
"Look, we're here for you Ryan. You don't need to hide things from us. We're here to help" Blaine said.
"Totally dude. After everything, we'll always be here for you" Puck said.
"Totally!" Sugar said, still clinging to me.
"Thanks guys… It means a lot" I said, cracking a small smile for the first time in weeks.
/
Later that day:
Glee practise was almost over. Sam was sitting with Quinn on the other side of the room.
"So guys, it's come to my attention that there's been some violence today within the club. Sam, Sugar; would you care to explain?" Mr Schue said.
"It was just a misunderstanding. It's cool" Sam said, carefully not looking in our direction.
"Uh-yeah, just a big misunderstanding" Sugar said, looking slightly confused.
"Ok guys well if you're sure. Well that's it for today. Make sure you think of lots of ideas for the halftime show! See you tomorrow!" Mr Schue said.
Sam left quickly with Quinn.
"I hate that he won't even speak to me, yet I can't take my eyes off him." I said solemnly.
"It passes" Blaine said softly.
"Don't think about him dude. Not worth it." Puck said.
"So where are you guys headed now?" I asked.
"I was gonna go to the arcade. You guys wanna come?" Puck asked.
"Sure" Both Sugar and Blaine said.
"Yeah I'll go… I just wanna do something first ok… Can I meet you guys there in about a half an hour?" I asked.
"Sure… You're not gonna go kill Sam are you?" Sugar asked suspiciously.
"No, I just need to do something. I'm not gonna go talk to Sam or do anything to him. Promise" I said, chuckling a little.
"Ok, well we'll see you later then… Ryan, remember what we said earlier… We're always here" Blaine said as Puck, Sugar and himself all gave me a bone crushing hug.
"Thanks guys".
/
I walked onto the stage of the auditorium shortly after leaving the guys. I lay down in the centre of the stage.
I can't keep doing what I'm doing; pining after someone who has obviously moved on… I love Sam with all my heart, but it doesn't seem to be reciprocal anymore… I can't keep chasing him. I need to move on for my own sake.
But we had so many good times together… amazing actually. He really changed my life and made it better. I'm grateful for that...
Like I said… I can't keep on chasing something that doesn't want to be caught… But for a few more moments, I just wanna sit here and remember all the good times we had, on this very stage especially…
I need to do this… I'm ready.
I started playing the music in my head before standing up and starting to sing:
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I started to feel the numbness fading away… I was getting emotional.
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Tears started to rapidly fall from my eyes.
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
I started walking around the stage, remembering all the memories I had with him, crying as I did so.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I began to walk off the stage, wiping the tears from my eyes as I did so.
It's over… It's really over...
/
A/N: Ah! The emotions are just flowing out right now! :'(
On a happier note; I'm glad people like the story and I'm also glad you liked the chapter in Sam's POV!
I'm not going to be doing that too often, but chapters in other characters POVs will definitely still pop up every now and again.
I think an important aspect of this story is that it's told almost completely from Ryan's point of view. I want to do it this way so you can really see life through his eyes. You hear his opinions, how he interprets an event, idea, opinion, etc. He may not always be right, but that's all part of growing up. You see him make mistakes.
Anyways, hopefully that makes some sort of sense? :P
I'll be back as soon as possible with the next chapter!