Serious Angst in this chapter, you have been warned! The title comes from a poem written by Vera Brittain, look it up it's brilliant!

They had managed to make good time with the help of the horses they had taken with them from Denerim. After two more days they had finally reached a small village in South reach as the sun began to go down, leaving the horses and carriage at a small stable at the entrance of the village they went searching for a tavern.

Although they hadn't encountered anymore bandits or mercenaries since they're first night, Kallian had noticed Elissa's mood worsen at the lack of knowledge of what had happened to her family. She had not been sleeping well and Kallian had heard her walking around the camp when she wasn't on watch, dark circles had formed under her eyes and she reminded quite most nights while the other talked and exchanged stories.

"Elissa are you feeling well?" Kallian asked, she was unsure if it was due to the dark circles around her eyes, but she couldn't help thin that the young woman looked paler than usual.

"I am fine; I just really want to get to the tavern to see if they have any news of what has happened in Highever." She said keeping her gaze forward.

"Milady perhaps we should see about getting some rooms for tonight as well, the horse would benefit by staying in the stables for the night." Jarvis said as she walked up along-side them, Jarvis was a large man towering over the two woman, his skin was dark, his eyes where a deep shade of brown and was easily the tallest man Kallian had ever seen, it baffled her that he was able to walk so gracefully in his armour.

"Yes, a properly cooked meal would be welcome as well," Elissa said as she cranedher neck to look over the small crowds of people.

"There" she said suddenly pointing towards a small wooden building a few yards ahead of them. There was a sign hanging on the side of the wall before the door naming it 'The Wooden Duck'. "Let's go and see what we can find out."

Elissa marched over quickly through the market place, entering quickly while the other tried to catch up with her.

The tavern was quite with only a few patrons scattered around at different tables, the barkeeper disappeared down in to the cellar before Elissa could grab his attention. Ruari stop before walking over to join her at the bar, turning back to the others "It might be best for you to go the market before it closes, I know a few of you could do with better clothing." He said looking over to the Elves, "Jarvis and Brian would you go with them?" Ruari asked as he took his coin purse out and held it out to Jarvis to take.

"Of course" Jarvis said as Ruari dropped the purse in to his waiting hand. "Come on I'd say we only have an hour left before everything shuts."

Kallian looked back as she watch Ruari walked over to stand beside Elissa as the bar, wondering what news they would hear.

As Ruari join Elissa at the bar he could see the anxiety she had been trying to keep hidden come to the surface as she began to drum her finger on the top of the bar and bouncing on her toes as she leaned over the bar waiting for the tavern keeper to return.

"Elissa, I know you are anxious to hear news of Highever, but you must calm down. If Howe is trying to kill you it might not be best to advertise who you are." Ruari said as he placed his hand on her shoulder to still her.

"I know, I know, I just want to find out what happened back home. We're about a week from Redcliffe, and I want to be able to tell Eamon what has happened so he can get a letter to my brother."

The barkeeper came up from the cellar with a small barrel of ale, he was an older man with balding head, a ring of wispy blonde white hair surrounded his head, his face was had deep wrinkles in his brow and the skin around his eyes was darker with deep crow's feet sprouting for the corner of each eye. His face was red from the exertion of carrying the barrel and he took a deep breath before he spoke to them.

"What can I get for ye'?"

"We were wondering if you had any rooms?" Ruari asked.

"Aye, we do, 'ow many of ye's are there?"

"Erm, nine."

"I 'ave two big rooms probably do ye'"

"That's great thanks" Elissa said drawing the barkeeper's attention to her. "I was wonder as well if you have any news, we've have been travelling to Redcliffe and haven't heard much."

"Headin' to Redcliffe, 'eard the was a bit of bother up there, they says the Arl is sick, one of his Knights pass not that long ago."

"He's sick? Did he say what was wrong with him?" Ruari asked.

"Didn't say, just took a room and then head out, think he was making his way to Denerim." Elissa felt her stomach sink slightly at the thought that the Arl might be too sick to help them, that they wouldn't be able to get a letter to the King or her brother.

"Wasn't he meant to send his men to fight with the King?" Ruari was wondering why his Knights where heading toward Denerim, away from the fight against the darkspawn.

"Not sure, seen quite a few people head that way, last group left three days ago, said they was gonna be part of this big fight they was plainnin' against them darkspawn in a few days time."

"Have you seen any Knights from Highever pass?" Elissa ask no longer able to stop herself.

"Aye, pass by a good while ago, didn't stay mind you, just kept marching." The man scratched at the rough stubble on his chin as he spoke, "Terrible thing that happened up in Highever though."

"Why what happened?" Elissa tried her best to keep her voice from break, and stopped herself from grabbing the man, demanding to hear what had happened.

"Says that Arl Howe attacked the castle, he says that the Teyrn was selling out to the Orlesian, but I dunno, seems awfully fishy to me." Elissa felt the air around her still, as she tried to remind herself to breath, keeping herself from crying out, she felt a pressure on her left arm looking down to realise that Ruari was gripping her wrist. He had gone still as well though his breath had become ragged and harsh.

"He attacked the castle?" Ruari voice sound forced as he said the words, the barkeeper didn't seem to notice the stiff and harsh postures of the two people and continued to answer.

"Aye heard half of it was burned down, Teyrn and his whole family dead."

All of the air seemed to rush out of room as the news sank like a stone into Elissa's stomach; time seemed to slow, Aeden, Oriana and Oren, her mother and father, all dead. She was dimly aware of Ruari dragging her along and up a small set of stairs at the back of the tavern, the rooms kept far away from the bar to give the guest some privacy, her breathing was coming out in hasher short busts as they made in to one of the rooms they had booked. Ruari quickly closer the door behind them just before her knees gave out, she wrapped her arms in to her stomach as an intense pain build up along-side her first breathless cry. Ruari was suddenly kneeling in front of her she reached out and grabbed him burying her face in to his shoulder in an attempt to muffle her screams.

She cried until she was sick and exhausted, unable to lift herself from the floor Ruari picked her up and set her on to one of the two double beds in the room. She was dimly aware of the door closing before she fell asleep.

So this chapter was hard to write, I really wanted to get the reaction right, and used some knowledge of personal experiences. Let me kno how I did.