CHAPTER 26
Lisa couldn't get into bed; the wide space of the mattress seemed like a barren desert about as hospitable as the Mohave. She'd taken a cold bath, hoping to wash away the new unease that was making her skin tingle. Instead she felt overly stimulated. She tried to read, but couldn't focus enough to absorb one paragraph. She tried to paint, but could only stand staring the canvas.
The disquiet of her mind and body was making each passing moment torturous. It had been a long time since she'd felt anything akin to this. Seeking some kind of relief, she left her room and began to pace the house in her night clothes. Now that the house was empty, she had reclaimed her negligee.
Lisa took no light with her, not fearing the darkness. There wasn't a corner of this building that she didn't know and couldn't find with her eyes closed, even the hidden doors and passages she never told anyone about.
It wasn't until she'd turned down the first floor hall outside of her studio that she felt a presence closing in behind her. The footsteps were quiet, but she could tell they were the heavy tread of a man. The fear that is part and parcel to the life of a woman made her skin go cold.
Lisa didn't change her pace or the stance of her body, even though every muscle was now on full alert. She waited until he was close enough for her to strike. When the moment came, she used the element of surprise to spin around and raise her knee sharply to where she believed the man's crotch was. She made immediate contact, but had no time to celebrate as she realized the man slowly sinking to the floor wore a familiar white porcelain mask.
"Oh my god Erik, what are you doing sneaking around in the dark?" said a shocked Lisa.
Erik raised his hand in response, needing several moments to overcome the pain that spread from his groin through his gut. It took several steadying breadths before he could speak.
"Risking castration apparently, but it is much deserved since I have again trespassed on your property."
Wanting to regain some of his dignity in spite of the situation, he straightened to his full height before finding Lisa's face in the gloom. Like before her feline eyes seemed to glow green in the darkness.
"I wanted to speak with you."
Lisa didn't know what to say. What could she do with a man who invaded her home on a whim? She couldn't deny her attraction to him, especially after the night's events and in spite of his past. The discomfort of the moment made the air around them palpable.
"Are you alright? Did I hurt you?" she asked.
"Only my pride, but it will recover quickly." Humor wasn't exactly his forte. Most would argue that he had no sense of humor to speak of, but the sad comedy of this moment wasn't beyond him.
Lisa didn't respond for a moment, as she considered the right thing to do. She struggled with what her mind thought was right, versus what her heart offered, on top of what her body desired. When she'd made her choice, she took Erik's hand and led him into the dark of the house.
The sitting room came to life as she lit a lamp on a table near the window. She sat down on a sofa set to look out into the wild garden, tucking her bare feet beneath her and gestured for him to join her.
It hadn't escaped Erik's notice that she was again wearing a negligee and that she might be chilled in the night air. Before taking a seat next to her, he removed his jacket and placed it around her shoulders. Lisa was immediately engulfed by his scent. She reflexive moistened her lips as her senses were stimulated.
"So, were you simply craving a late night chat or is there some pressing matter you wanted to discuss with me?" her tone reflected her feeling of agitation.
Erik didn't want to risk damaging their friendship, but it was a chance he had to take. Suddenly he felt too close to Lisa and stood. He walked casually over to the window to gaze out into the night. With the thick foliage no light permeated the black ink outside. It was threatening even to him, but not as threatening as what lay before him or the woman sitting behind him.
"You already know so much about me, more than any other person living in this cruel world." Erik's voice was strained as he battled the regret within him. "But perhaps there are other things you should know, especially if… well, after tonight it seems I may have an attachment to you." He turned only slightly so that he could glimpse her still form. Lisa closed her eyes as she absorbed his words.
"I too have an attachment, beyond that of friendship." She admitted. Erik's looked at her with astonished eyes. Surely he'd heard wrong, but when she looked back at him the full force of her meaning shown from her eyes. Erik was unable to make a sound while his eyes were locked on hers, so he turned slowly back to the window.
"I hope you understand that I'm not used to such attention." He said.
"What of the other women who've pursued you?" she asked lightly.
Was he being pursued now? Erik thought.
"Most women run from me screaming, and men seek to destroy me. Christine was the first person to treat me like something other than a monster, but even she…" even saying her name made his throat tighten.
"In the beginning we were more than just teacher and pupil, we were friends, my only friend. But as she blossomed into a beautiful young woman, I began to feel differently about our friendship.
The first problem was that she'd never actually seen me. I came to her only as a voice out of the darkness when she was alone. Her father had told her that she'd be visited by an angel of music after his death, and that's what she believed me to be. Cowardly I know, but I couldn't very well go calling at her door like a normal man.
I had hoped to make my introduction as a man and not an angel slowly to lessen the shock, but when the Vicomte came into the picture it was evident I had to move fast to claim her. I was desperate at the thought of losing her, and I knew that she would never be happy with him. A talent as great as hers was mine to mold and see triumph above all others.
So one night I spirited her away, to show her the life I could give her. A life rich in passion, mystery, music and love, but she was too curious and… removed my mask." Erik had to stop as the shock and pain of that moment exploded within him again and he tried to calm himself.
"She screamed and recoiled at what she saw, and in my anger I lashed out at her. I tried to apologize, humbled myself at the hem of her skirt begging forgiveness, but the fear and horror were already stamped on her face. After that she went running to the Vicomte, and with them tried to capture me."
"Can you really blame her for denying you? You'd taken life in her name. I'm sure she felt the blood of those men was on her hands just as much as on yours."
"But I never would have hurt her."
"The character of the man is more important than what they look like. All she knew of you was your passion for music and proclivity for violence. It would frighten anyone; especially a girl only recently blossomed into womanhood whose only experiences of this world were of the opera house. I… can't blame her."
"So I'm unworthy of being loved, is that what you're saying." He said angrily.
"No, only that when love is born it is as delicate as any mewling infant and must be dealt with delicately. It can't survive long under the weight of guilt or regret. You were... well, overzealous putting it mildly."
"I didn't know any other way to be, or to show her how i felt. I gave myself through the music, and i felt through the music. And those men, the loathsome fly man Buquet who'd recently taken to assaulting the ballerina's deserved worse than being strangled. Piangi was no better than a lap dog of La Carlotta." He exhaled a deep sigh; an invisible weight seemed to hang on his shoulders.
"But I hadn't meant to kill him, only knock him unconscious. He turned around and saw me approaching. We struggled until I managed to twist some rope around his bloated throat." They were quiet for several minutes before Lisa spoke.
"Have you hurt anyone else since then?" She asked fearful of his answer.
"No, though I admit to having had the passing thought at times. That violence has cost me so much, I could never fathom committing such atrocities again. I have striven to leave the phantom behind. But don't be deceived, I am a monster and a murderer of the highest degree."
"I don't see a monster. Most villains don't seek redemption." She said, trying not to let the gravity of this topic draw her down into despair.
"Redemption, where do you get that idea?" he inquired.
"Phantasma, from what Gustave says you're probably the fairest and most caring employer in the tristate area. You've rescued people like Squelch, Gangle and Ms. Fleck, and given them the kind of life they'd never hoped for because of their differences." For perhaps the third time in his life the phantom of the opera blushed although she could not see it. He'd never considered that he did what he did out of compassion.
"I could never force the suffering I've endured on another man, woman, or beast." He mumbled quietly and they fell once again into a long silence.
"Have you ever told anyone else any of this, the other women in your life?" she asked coyly. Erik gave a short grunt before answering.
"There's been no one since Christine, and there was no one before her either. What kind of woman would want a beast in her bed?" He trailed off, and stood staring out into the silent darkness of the garden as if it were the empty void of his life. Lisa stood and took the few final steps that separated them.
"One who can see the beauty underneath." She whispered. Erik's pulse skipped a beat at her choice of words. The draw of her presence compelled him to turn away from the blackness and look at her.
"What are you saying?" He asked.
"Erik, I can never begin to know the kind of suffering you've endured for your entire life with nothing but abuse from all of human kind. But I do understand hate and anger, and how those feelings can twist a soul. It takes someone with a strong spirit and stronger heart to survive that kind of evil. That you've come as far as you have is a testament to that strength of character. Through it all you managed to live and love." She looked deep into his eyes, past the mask, the pain and the monster.
"I can't give you absolution, nor do I excuse the sins you've committed and I can't undo the past. I can only look to today and my hope for the future." Lisa could not say there was wisdom or good judgment in what she had said, but she was sure about what she felt. Had it not been for the inexplicable need inside to surrender she would have been running in the other direction.
Lisa's eyes glinted with that inner fire that he always found hypnotizing. Somehow she'd gained the trust of a man who'd never trusted anyone, not even the love of his life. Now here they stood, nose to nose and on the verge of a fantasy becoming reality.
Tentatively, Erik moved the half step that brought him as close to Lisa as he could get without holding her. Their breath mingled making both shiver at the small connection. It wasn't by any conscious thought that made Erik bow his head forward to meet the lips that tilted up to him. It was as simple as any instinct that necessitates action. When Lisa's hands floated up to grip the lapels of his vest and hold him to her, his arms instinctively moved to wrap around her frame.
At first Lisa trembled like a leaf holding too much water after a rain storm, but as her body melded and conformed to Erik's they both began to sway on the spot. It was the same dizzying sensation of a passionate daydream. Oh so slowly they felt the texture of each other's lips until Lisa's mouth opened like a flower spreading its petals. Erik dipped his tongue between those petals to taste the nectar of her tongue.
As if they were seeking a familiar path, Lisa's open palmed hands snaked their way up the expanse of Erik's chest to his neck where they relished the feel of the barest piece of skin his collar didn't hide. Lisa could feel goose pimples blossom from her skin at the unfamiliar sensation of their interlude.
At first Erik's body was as tense as steel, but as the sweet scent of Lisa's lilac perfume filled his nostrils and enveloped him his muscles became like molten rock, heated, pulsing and tumultuous as his limbs encased her against him. His arms shaped themselves around her while his legs became a cradle for her body to fill. His fingers stopped being rigid and flexed to be filled by her supple flesh, curving first around the dip of her waist, traveling to the flare of each hip and then meeting at the small of her back.
Erik wanted to keep going, to test the waters of this unsure sea. He wanted to ask, even beg, to swim in the ocean of her sex, to feel it cleanse and baptize his tainted soul. But how could this woman who knew his true ugliness, possibly desire to accept him or even dare love him. A kiss was one thing, it could be friendly or meant to comfort, just a bandage on a broken heart, but not a promise of more intimate connections.
Erik was so drunk on Lisa's kiss and his resulting musings, that when Lisa's hand palmed his mask he didn't react. But when the cool night air tickled his marred flesh it was as effective as a crash of lightning to awaken him back to reality. He reflexively grabbed her wrist roughly, broke the kiss and yanked her back several feet from him. Lisa couldn't grasp what had happened and looked back at him with startled and confused eyes.
"You're just like the rest of them aren't you, looking for a show from the freak." He hissed at her.
"What the hell are you talking about?" she stammered.
"You were about to take off my mask. You have no right and damn well don't have my permission." Erik's anger had sparked from the hurt dejection he'd experienced so often when people recoiled from him. It took Lisa a moment to comprehend what the problem was.
"No, I just wanted to touch and kiss you there. I didn't think. I'm sorry." She stuttered "I only wanted to feel you." Although she knew she hadn't done anything wrong Lisa felt guilty for having overstepped boundaries that weren't ready to be breached.
Lisa's pleading eyes warred with Erik's pained ones. She could see he was thinking through what had just happened and what she'd said, but Erik's grip on her wrist was starting to get painful and she was starting to feel panic build in her gut.
Erik's grip relaxed on Lisa's wrist, but he didn't release her. Instead he pulled her slowly back to him. Watching the look on her face closely he brought her fingers to the bottom edge of his mask. She didn't dare move as her digits touched the skin there, feeling the slightly rough stubble first.
Erik pushed her fingers under the edge of the porcelain and guided them across the contorted flesh of his disfigurement. In his entire lifetime only one other person had dared touch his face and that had been only under duress or in a blind moment of passion.
Lisa wasn't just touching the rawness of Erik's mutilated face; she was feeling the beast within and risking its unrelenting fury. She wanted to cup her palm over his cheek, to rub her own cheek against it and kiss every inch her touch revealed, but she knew this was a trial for Erik. She needed to give full control of this moment to him.
Just as unexpectedly as it had started, it was over. Erik tugged her hand free from the warm confine under his mask and released her wrist, but their eyes still held each other in a powerful clutch. For a moment her arm hung limply in the air before settling on his heaving chest. Lisa could feel the thudding of the heart against his sternum, beating harder now than while they'd kissed.
"I'm willing to try Erik, if you are." Lisa's voice was barely a whisper. He only nodded in response. Feeling somehow spent, Lisa rested her head against his shoulder and inhaled deeply. Erik leaned forward and buried his masked face into her neck, as he wrapped Lisa in a tight hug. They stayed like that for a long time, though neither of them measured anything but the steady rhythm of the other's pulse like a lullaby.
The spell was broken when the lilting notes of a blue jays song flitted from the garden. When Lisa looked up the grey twilight of early morning shone beyond the window. When she looked at the man who held her, his eyes were closed and the shimmery trail of tears glinted in the half-light.
Lisa kissed the salty liquid from his cheek and he lifted his lids to look at her. He held her gently, like a bouquet of flowers. Her sweetness filled all his senses.
Lisa's skin burned where his palms cradled her. She felt the heated blood rushing to awaken flesh that had grown cold over the years. It felt like there was no past, no future, just the present filled with the joy of this moment. By the time they separated a cacophony of birds seemed to be warbling outside the window.
"I should be getting home. Gustave will worry if I'm not there." He said.
"Yes. He's still recovering and needs you there. Kara and Mama will be awake soon too."
Several more minutes passed before the two of them could extricate themselves from the others embrace, but finally Erik was escorted to the front gate and made his way home.
The sun had only just broken the horizon when he entered the door of his Long Island home. He went straight to check on Gustave and was surprised to see him still sleeping soundly. Before his accident, his son normally went to bed late and rose early everyday like his father, but since that fateful night 2 weeks ago he'd taken to a more normal schedule.
As Erik closed the door and went to his own quarters, he wondered how it had been for the boy when Christine was alive and if the presence of Lisa in their lives had affected those habits. He opened the door to his room and for a split second was startled by its darkness. Yes, things were definitely different for both of them now.