A/N: Thanks very much for the feedback. If you're only just jumping on board with this fic, I first urge you to start from the beginning (and view the warnings). If you've been reading, congratulations—you're still here and are awesome and deserve all sorts of things I can't give you through the internet, so have this story! I edited this one a lot, and wanted to make sure the loose ends are tied tight, so that the upcoming tragedies can play out, er, "nicely".
Chapter Sixteen: Devils and Gods
Summer before fifth year
"Beauty's only skin deep."
-THE TEMPTATIONS
Her cheeks still rosy, Lily ran off down the hallway to join her classmates, trying to think of a viable excuse for being gone so long. She couldn't wipe the silly smile off her face no matter how hard she tried. She'd finally kissed Severus, and not only that but they'd snogged for a very long time. It had been somewhat uncomfortable at first, but Lily had ultimately enjoyed it quite a lot. She especially liked when he'd held her arms over her head and snogged her deeply against the wall. Lily's heart was still fluttering, and she felt a happy sensation in her privates.
Students were hanging out throughout the main hallways and corridors, laughing and hugging. Several others were snogging, and Lily felt decidedly grown-up, knowing she'd been one of those couples. Couples. Were they a couple? Lily had no idea what she'd do if they were, or what she'd tell her housemates but she very much wanted to be. Professor Slughorn was grinning while holding a glass of wine and chatting to passerby, and Dumbledore and Professor Zabini had their arms around each other's shoulders, deep in conversation. Lily searched around for her Gryffindor friends, but heard their very loud voices before she saw them.
"Oh, honestly, shut up, James. You were NOT 'so close'!" echoed Sirius' voice. "You have my permission to hex him, Moony. Or even better, beat him up. I'd love to see that fight—"
"You're blind," replied James, sounding arrogantly upbeat as usual. "Anyway, LA LA LA, it was fun. You're right, Mary. Muggle music isn't half bad. Slughorn was smart to include it. Dancing queen, only seventeen!" he screamed. Surrounding people burst out laughing.
"Good grief, Potter, I can hear you miles away," said Lily, still unable to hide her smile as she fell into step with a big group of her housemates. She noticed right away that Mary and Sirius were walking rather close to each other.
Mary beamed and hugged her. "Lily! I thought we lost you! I hope you found something bigger than a spoon to chuck back at Snivellus. How awful of him—er—Lily, your makeup's awfully messed up and your hair's fallen all over! What have you been doing?"
Lily grinned and laughed, turning crimson again. "Is it? Oh, I don't know. Nothing, really—"
Mary opened her mouth to say more, but her attention was drawn away by Sirius, who was doing a handstand.
"Did you sort it out with Snape?" asked Remus, falling back to walk at her side.
She nodded, laughing again. "Oh yes, it was fine. We talked it out. Sorry I had to leave."
"You missed me and Sirius tangoing," announced Potter. "I had a rose in my teeth and everything!" As if to demonstrate, he fell into Sirius' arms and Sirius dipped him backward. "Hello, darling," said Potter, blinking his long eyelashes and Sirius promptly dropped him to the floor.
"You're a very lovely couple," said Lily, and everyone laughed, continuing to talk animatedly. Potter grinned at her, got up off the ground, and kicked Sirius in the behind. She turned to Remus and patted his arm. "Thanks so much," she said in a low voice. "It was a nice favor you did for me."
He smiled at her. "Favor?"
"It was really nice of you to ask me—if you hadn't have jumped in, Potter would have kept bugging me for ages. Besides, I enjoyed your company tonight, Remus. I think you're a really good friend," she said.
Remus looked puzzled. "A friend?" he asked.
Was Severus right? Does Remus actually fancy me, too? Lily wondered, flushing a bit. She searched his face for clues. "Uhm—yes, I really have fun with you," she said quickly. Remus was a fairly good-looking boy, and probably one of the nicest people Lily had ever met. But when she hung out with him, she hardly felt the same feverish way she did with Severus. She'd thought that Remus was in the same mindset as she was. "We are friends, right?" she prodded, trying to sound neutral but knowing there was a nervous edge to her voice. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt his feelings, especially when she had no way to explain she might be close to having a boyfriend. A boyfriend who hated Remus and went out of his way to be mean to him. Remus was kind, but he probably wouldn't understand—just like all the others.
Remus was silent for a moment but then smiled and nodded. "Of course we're friends. Why wouldn't we be? Excuse me, Lily." With that, he walked ahead of her and re-joined the other boys. Lily watched him fretfully, but he seemed fine. Sirius lifted him up, slung him over his shoulder and ran off with him down the hallway while Peter and Potter followed, whooping loudly.
"Mary," Lily said, "how was your night? I saw you and Sirius getting close—"
"Lily, thank goodness we're alone," Mary said, linking arms with her. "Sirius! Ahh! My heart!" She pressed her hand to her chest. "He's such a good dancer. I think he's had lessons or something—and you know, that's all we did but it's something, right? Plus, James is putting in a good word for me. It's sort of our little plot. He says he'll whisper good things about me in Sirius' ear while he's sleeping…"
"Hopefully he doesn't use that creepy voice," Lily said, and Mary laughed.
"Hey," she said, "whatever happened with you and Remus? He was disappointed you went off at the end, I think—he said you looked very pretty—"
Lily sighed and made a pained face.
"I knew it!" Mary said eagerly. "He's so not your type." She wrung her hands. "Oh, poor Remus! James and Sirius both told him he didn't have a chance, honestly we were all surprised that he even asked you to go—he's dreadfully shy—"
"How dare they say that!" Lily said and glowered. "He's great, he's just not—"
"Exciting," finished Mary, shrugging. Lily sighed again and nodded. "I know. We all know. They're trying to get him out of his shell, but they all sort of knew you wouldn't go for him. Of course, James also just wants you for himse—" she widened her eyes and slapped her hands over her mouth. "I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY ANYTHING!"
"How thick do you think I am?" Lily asked, giving her friend a Look. "He's so obvious even I noticed, and I'm rather bad at that—"
"Yes, that's why I thought you still didn't know," Mary chided her. "So, what do you think?"
Lily stopped walking. "What do you mean, what do I think? About Potter?"
"Well… Yes?" asked Mary, looking sheepish.
"You're kidding me, right? I've told you. I detest him. Those things he said to Remus? And the way he treats Severus!" Even mentioning Severus' name made Lily's heartbeat quicken. She ignored it. "Besides his loud voice, his hallway workouts, his constant posturing and his extremely arrogant Quidditch moves, I hardly notice him at all."
"But don't you at least think he's good looking?" asked Mary. "He gets better looking every day, I'm almost sorry we're over—"
"Why are you pushing him on me, then? As for his looks, he's not bad but the way he acts makes him ugly to me!" she exclaimed.
"I'm not pushing him anywhere," Mary said. "Halfway into dating, we both talked about other people we've fancied. We're really honest with each other. He's my second best friend. After you, of course," she explained. "He said he thought you were good-looking and I told him I liked Sirius. We both had a good laugh about the fact that we fancied each others' best mates, and then our breakup sort of went from there, though we did have a good time practicing snogging together. I won't lie; he is very good at using his hands during make-out sessions. But I suppose I see why you don't like him. You two are pretty opposite. I've told him he needs to stop being so obnoxious but he seems to think it's hilarious."
"Well, it isn't," said Lily stiffly. "The only things I've ever liked that he's done were when he stuck up for you, and also that thing that Sirius mentioned about him saving Severus from whatever's under the Whomping Willow. Severus was in the wrong, going there, and Potter could have been mean about it—but he wasn't. I can see he has some good qualities, but they're buried by his ego. And I definitely don't think we'd be a good couple. I can't stand him. No offense."
Mary shrugged, grinning. "I'll try to tell him, but he won't give up. Just ignore him and he'll eventually stop, I'm sure." She giggled. "I just think it's sort of funny that I'm friends with James and you're friends with Snape. It's kind of bizarre."
"It's definitely bizarre," said Lily, smiling back at her. "So, you're not jealous Potter likes me?"
"No way. I told him that, too. I told him that if I was a boy, I'd frisk you in a heartbeat. Come on, sexy. Let's go!" Mary said saucily.
Lily blushed but laughed as her friend took her by the hand, and they ran all the way back to the dormitories.
"I see you pulled the wand out of your ass," Avery greeted, as Severus walked into their dorm room smiling faintly. "Bravo, mate. I suppose throwing cutlery at a Mudblood could cure anything."
"Mmhm. Guess so," Severus said, not really listening. He wandered over to his bed and pulled off his raggedy black overcoat, hanging it on one of his bedposts.
"You know, Snape, it doesn't automatically make you cool to come to a formal dance in the most holey clothes you own," Mulciber drawled from his bed, where he was stretched out with the curtains drawn open. "You sort of have to have a more rebellious attitude to pull it off."
"Sure, I know just what you mean," Severus replied, still smiling to himself.
Mulciber and Avery exchanged looks. "Say, Snape, what are you so giddy about anyway? It wasn't that funny," Avery declared.
"You two make fun of Snivellus for being whiny and now you're annoyed he's happy? You're all equally stupid," complained Ethan Middleton from his bed.
"Be quiet, egghead. No one cares what you think," Mulciber said, and turned back to Severus. "If you'd have stayed with us you could have gotten a snog. Those girls were so drugged they may have actually let you."
"I should report you!" Ethan announced, and Avery hexed him with the Langlok.
Severus snapped out of his contented daze and glared. "I don't need them. Keep them for yourself."
"Right. You wouldn't be saying that if you got to feel up Jasmeet Patil's bum," said Avery.
"Thought you and Rosier were an item. You asked her to the dance, didn't you? She didn't seem too put out that you were feeling some other girl's arse," said Severus pointedly, pulling off his black wooly socks and tossing them in the small laundry pile beside his bed. "Seemed like she doesn't fancy you too much, or am I wrong, Avery?"
Avery scrunched up his face, looking like he was trying not to explode. He was becoming as red as his hair. "I told you, I'm not on about her. That's all."
"You didn't seem to feel this way until tonight. What changed, I wonder?" Severus asked coolly, wholly enjoying the torture he was obviously putting Avery through. It wasn't often he had the evident upper hand with his dorm mates. Being happy about Lily was all ready doing wonders for keeping his head clear.
"She just wants to be my friend," said Avery through gritted teeth. Severus laughed at him. "Damn it, Snape! Like you know anything about girls! Oh yeah… I forgot. Your gorgeous fake girlfriend from the faraway school. Right."
"Right," said Severus agreeably, and still smiling, he hopped into bed and flicked his wand at his canopy, drawing it shut. Tomboy Rosier won't give Avery the time of day, and as for me? I snogged Lily, the best looking girl ever. He stretched out, re-imagining the entire scene, starting with their discourse in the hallway. Not only had he gotten the courage to tell her he fancied her, she'd said she liked him back! Severus figured no one else's first kiss was as good as his. He couldn't stop thinking about the way Lily had slipped her tongue into his mouth, and pressed herself against him. Fuck. He was quickly getting hard again, and he fought the urge to wank himself. He wasn't sure where he and Lily were going, but it seemed like things were looking good.
The only difficult thing would be keeping it a secret from his bloodist friends. He was fairly certain that if Rosier found out they'd snogged, let alone said they fancied each other, she'd get the word out to Lucius and the Blacks in a heartbeat. Rosier wasn't the only one, either. Mulciber and Avery wouldn't be far behind her, and Severus was sure the whole thing would make Narcissa turn her nose up instantly at him. Bellatrix would be intolerable. Not that he cared much for Bellatrix besides looking at her nice body, but still… He definitely couldn't lose his friends, however rigid they all were. Particularly Lucius, of course. Other than the Mudblood-hating, they were a fair group. Severus had never had friends that weren't Lily, after all.
Thinking of how both Narcissa and Astrid loved being flaunted around the school by Lucius and Lockhart respectively, Severus realized that Lily might not like being kept a secret from Severus' friends. Severus vowed to himself he'd try to never bring it up. If she asked why he didn't want to tell his friends they were together, maybe he could come up with some corny reason. That would take work to come up with, but it might be worth it. Getting on Lily's bad side was Severus' least favorite pastime.
"Hi, Severus," greeted Lily the next Monday morning as they passed each other in the second floor hallway. She hadn't seen him all of Sunday, but she'd looked for him. In the Great Hall during mealtimes, they'd made eye contact and smile, but that was the extent of their interactions. Lily was happy that none of her friends were with her. She'd rather been looking forward to talking to him, and didn't want to make things awkward by having to pretend they hadn't snogged on Saturday. She figured Severus would be offended if he knew she was afraid to tell people she liked him. She was even ashamed of it, but she needed to wait until she felt comfortable telling people. If they ended up together, she'd have to, but for now she didn't want people talking.
He slowed down to a stop, and smiled back at her. His arms were full of books and he had an ink stain on his cheek. In the past, she probably wouldn't have thought anything of it, but now the ink blot and load of reading material made her smile to herself. "Hey," he said, giving her a nod. He looked around them, and then walked closer to her. "How's it going?"
"It's going well," she said. "Quite well."
"Me, too. Though I'm stacked with work. The stuff we're doing in Transfigurations and Potions is at least useful but I'm disappointed with Defense Against the Dark Arts this year. It's usually my favorite subject. That bloody Professor Mullingsberg is the worst teacher I've ever had," Severus complained, though Lily noticed his tone was a lot less bitter than usual. "All the assignments he gives out are just—"
"Busy work," Lily filled in, and Severus nodded rapidly. "I know!" she said, her heart thumping. "He's terrible. I think I'd learn much more if I took a class from you on the subject. You'd be a brilliant Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher—"
Severus' wan face went a bit pink. "Really?" he sputtered, averting his gaze. "I think I'd be a shit teacher, actually. I wouldn't like teaching most of the people here, they're all dunderheads—"
"If you got over it, you'd be good, though," said Lily, purposefully flipping her hair backward. "You've taught me a lot. You're smart—"
"You're smart, too," he said, swallowing, "and much nicer than me, so you could probably put up with them better. Anyway. Thanks." He cleared his throat. "You're wearing your skirt differently."
Lily's ears reddened, and she tugged on the hem slightly. "Oh. Yeah," she said, trying to be casual. It was true. Whereas it used to sit at the knee, it was now pulled up past her thighs. She'd seen Mary doing it that morning (for what she was certain was a tactic to woo Sirius), and she figured it wouldn't hurt. She'd also spent considerable more time on her hair and makeup, at Mary's prodding. The truth was, she hadn't been able to think of much of anything besides kissing Severus. It was sort of overwhelming. She flipped her hair back again. "Do you like it?" she asked, testing out a slightly flirtatious tone.
"Yes," Severus nodded several times. "Yes, very much."
She liked the effect this was having on him. "You've got something—here—I'll get it." Reaching forward she wiped the side of his face where the bit of ink had smeared.
"I'm always doing that," he mumbled, looking embarrassed and wiping his face more with his sleeve. "I've er… I've got to get to this stupid study group, otherwise I'd… you know… stay here, or whatever—"
"I have to get to Herbology," she said. "Maybe we could take a walk at the end of the week? I'll be free Friday night."
"Okay, yeah, I want to do that," he said, his voice quivering slightly. "I'll see you in Potions later. But… er…" He paused. "I'm thinking maybe we should keep what happened between just us."
Lily stared at him, surprised. It was precisely what she was going to bring up, but she wondered why he had addressed it first. "Why?" she asked.
"Oh, you know. People here gossip a lot. Rosier's got a big mouth, and let's not even talk about MacDonald, and… I er—I just want to be more private than that, I guess," he said, looking uncomfortable.
"Me, too," she said quickly, still surprised. "In fact, you really don't have to tell anyone. It's okay with me."
"It is?" he asked. "Okay," he repeated. "Cool. It's not that I didn't like it—"
"Severus, I know you did. Don't worry. I did, too. I really did," Lily said, feeling upbeat. This made it easier for her. He was eying the bit of her leg that was showing again. A bit teasingly, she tugged up on the hem of her skirt as though she was adjusting it, watching his eyes widen as she showed more skin.
"All right…" he muttered, as though transfixed. He finally looked up into her eyes and nodded again. "Right, well, see you in class."
"See you," she said, waving. They took off in opposite directions.
"Evans!" greeted Amos Diggory, the Hufflepuff Quidditch captain and that year's Head Boy. "All right?" He smiled at her as he walked past, surrounded by other seventh year boys.
"Yes, you?" Lily said, smiling back. She had no idea he'd even known her name.
"Who is that girl, Amos?" she heard one of the boys ask. "Introduce me next time, or I'll hex you."
Severus hurried out onto the school grounds, utterly excited to meet Lily. When he got to the clock tower, his expression instantly morphed into a frown. Lily was not alone. She was with Potter, and they were arguing loudly.
"I told you, I'm awful in Potions!" Potter said. "So, why won't you let me join this study group you're off to?"
"Because… Because it's sort of exclusive," Lily said. "You can't join it."
"Members only? Exclusive access? Important indeed, aren't you, Evans?" Potter joked loudly, and then turned on his heel. "Why, lookie who's snaking about! Good afternoon, Snivellus!"
Lily shoved him lightly and Severus' stomach turned, seeing her touch him like that. "Stop it!" she said.
"Yes, good afternoon, Potter," sneered Severus in monotone. "What are you doing with Lily?"
"Severus!" Lily warned.
"None of your business," said Potter. "I'm surprised to see you of all people out in the sunlight. I thought you slept in your coffin all day—"
Severus walked nearer to them and narrowed his eyes. "No, I'm not a monster. Unlike some people you hang around—"
"Oy, you shouldn't talk about things you obviously know nothing about!" Potter said sharply, his usual goofy grin gone.
"Oh, I think I know plenty about what I'm saying," Severus smiled grimly, folding his arms and wriggling his fingers like long, thin worms.
"I don't think you do," Potter snapped.
At this point, they were nose to nose, Potter's long, thin proboscis nearly touching Severus' large, hooked one.
"Yes, I do. You know I do," said Severus through gritted teeth.
"You scum! You swore you wouldn't talk about it," Potter said angrily.
"What are you two babbling about?" Lily demanded, her hands on her hips. "Severus, if you're on about Remus again, you need to stop—it's a rumor!"
"I'm not scum! Shut up! You're scum!" Severus yelled, hardly hearing Lily.
"You want to fight me? Try! I dare you! You little weirdo!" Potter shot a look at Lily that Severus didn't appreciate, and puffed up his chest.
"LITTLE? I'M TALLER THAN YOU ARE!" screamed Severus, also shooting Lily a look. "Forget fighting. I'd win any duel, fair and square—what are you anyway, a wizard or a Muggle?—"
"Yeah, because you're a wimp who can't brawl—" Potter interrupted.
"Never seen you brawl, Potter. Is that what they're calling it these days? Do you and Black practice brawling while you're doing your morning stretches in the hallway for the entire fucking school to see?"
"And anyway," went on Potter, ignoring Severus, "what's wrong with being a Muggle? You've just insulted Lily's family. You should be more sensitive, Snivellus—"
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY AND YOU KNOW IT!" snarled Severus, withdrawing his wand.
Lily jumped between them. "Stop it!" she shouted, pulling Severus back from James gently. "Potter, get out of here. Go away. You probably have a Quidditch game to train for—"
Severus grinned. "You heard her," he said.
Potter's eyes widened behind his spectacles. "You're kidding, Evans. You're siding with Snivellus? He's being a right bastard!"
"And what are you being?" Lily asked snappishly. "A kind, innocent person as usual? I told you to leave, Potter. You'd do best to listen to me."
"Once again, Snivellus is rescued by Evans—"
-"She's not rescuing me!"
"GO, POTTER!" Lily affirmed loudly, pointing toward the castle.
Potter glared at the both of them and shoved his glasses up his pointed nose. "Well, that's rich. That's really rich!" With that, he stomped off across the grounds.
Severus grinned at her. "Brilliant, you. Making him leave like that. That was great—"
But his grin faded when he noticed Lily was giving him one of her trademark, slit-eyed frowns that meant she was very unhappy. "Severus," she said slowly, in a tone he did not much care for. "I don't like when you talk to people like that—"
"But, it's Potter!" Severus' voice, on the other hand, suddenly sounded very small and high in comparison.
She held up her hand to silence him, and he bit his lip. "Severus. I. Don't. Like. It. It's rude, and it's very unfriendly—"
"What do you take me for, a Hufflepuff? I hate Potter, and I'll never be nice to him. Why was he with you, anyway?" Severus could not contain his jealousy anymore. He abhorred the stupid way James Potter looked at her, and the cocky way he spoke about her as though she was an object he could simply have if only he tried hard enough.
"I couldn't shake him after Herbology," she said. "He kept asking who I was meeting—"
-"I hate him talking to you," put in Severus quickly, and stomped the ground. "I fucking hate it. You shouldn't let him talk to you—"
"That's impossible," Lily said, rolling her eyes. Severus could feel his blood pressure rising. "We live together. How am I going to stop him from speaking to me?"
"Tell him to shut up every time he opens up his stupid fucking mouth!" Severus growled, narrowing his own eyes at her. "It's easy."
"And what should I do every time you open your stupid, fucking mouth?" asked Lily harshly.
Severus' eyes widened and he stared at her blankly.
"That's how you sound!" Lily burst out. "What do you think you are, tough?"
"Of course I'm tough," Severus said back, a little hurt.
"All right, all right. Of course you are," said Lily, and her tone sounded much lighter. "I don't want to row with you over something as dumb as Potter talking to me. Normally I ignore him or walk away—"
"'s'all you had to say," mumbled Severus. "I just hate that he fancies you. I wish he didn't. I wish only I did."
"But I don' care if he does. I only fancy you," said Lily shyly.
"Yeah?" he said, a crooked smile forming on his face. "That's good." Above them, the sun went behind a cluster of clouds and the sky darkened considerably. Lily stared at him, her green eyes intense as ever. "What's wrong? Do I have ink on my face again?"
"No," said Lily quietly, and then smiled. "I was just hoping you would snog me."
Severus felt his knees get a little wobbly. He'd been thinking about it since Saturday, but was determined not to act too rashly. If he acted completely on what his fantasies had been telling him lately, he'd have been on Lily in a heartbeat. "Oh," he said. "Okay…" One of the things he liked about Lily was how forward she was; it was very helpful since sometimes he felt awkward. But it was somewhat overwhelming when she was so frank in times such as this. "So… I'll just…" He trailed off, and then took the plunge, leaning into her and kissing her firmly on the lips.
Lily kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck again. The way she felt in his arms was different. They'd hugged as friends, but this was a new sort of hug. Usually, those embraces were quick and comfortable. This new way of hugging that had begun on Saturday put them excitingly close to each other, pressed so near that Severus could feel their hearts beating, could feel Lily's breathing rise and fall in her chest, could feel her large, soft breasts pushed up against him. It was almost overwhelming how good this was.
Above them, clouds kept rolling in and a light rumble of thunder sounded in the sky.
"Let's get walking. I want to go somewhere more private," Lily said, and she walked ahead of him. He followed dutifully, finding it a bit questionable that she kept a good few paces in front of him until they'd passed into the cluster of trees by the lake. At that point, she fell back in stride with him and stood closer to him. He wondered what she was acting so secretive for—maybe it had to do with him suggesting they keep it between them? This was going easier than he'd expected. At this rate, they could do whatever they wanted and he could keep his friends in the dark. It was too good to be true, Severus thought happily. To top it off, Lily slipped her hand into his. Severus' heart jumped in his chest. The grounds were completely deserted, and they stood together for a few moments, quietly watching the water ripple in the spring breeze.
Severus turned his head to look at her. Before she noticed him looking, he watched her gazing at the lake. Her bright eyes were radiant, and a sort of calm smile was on her face. Her dark red hair fluttered around her shoulders. He wanted to remember how she looked at that moment forever. When she noticed him watching her, she looked up at him; her eyes were wide and expectant. He leant down and kissed her, slowly pushing his hand through her silky hair. Lily moved closer to him, kissed him back and put her hands on his chest.
"I like your eyes," she said suddenly, brushing his too-long bangs away from his face.
Severus snorted. "They're plain. Not like yours. Yours are the prettiest I've ever seen. They're like really nice-looking grass, like at the houses in your parents' neighborhood. Or like… I don't know. Like a color that hasn't even been invented."
Lily laughed pleasantly. "Well, thank you, but yours are hardly plain." She stared at him so intently he averted his eyes—he certainly wasn't used to being at the end of someone else's approving gaze. "Yours are like deep down in the ocean. The abyss. I read about it in a book. I've always thought so."
"Isn't that where the fish are ugly, like with sharp teeth and no one can go all the way down there because they'll die and all that?" he asked.
"Leave it to you to turn my compliment around," Lily teased, and on tiptoe, she pushed her lips onto his as though his tendency to be overly analytical and pessimistic was endearing. Pleased, he smiled while kissing her back. "Summer's soon," she said, pulling away. "Only another month. I'm so ready to be finished with school. Slughorn's throwing an end of the year party—are you coming?"
Severus gave a morbid smile. "I didn't get an invite. I have a feeling he's hoping I'll have forgotten all about his Slug Club—"
"Don't be silly. I mention you to him often. He's really proud of your work in Potions. I just think he likes when people think he's really cool." Lily flopped down to the grass and Severus followed suit. "Worship him, and all that."
"I don't. I think he's a bother. I probably won't come to that party—it'll just annoy me. Regulus is all excited that he's been invited to join. I told him not to be too thrilled. But Slughorn's always going on and on about what a great Quidditch player he is, it's so stupid, they're like best friends—"
Lily made a face. "I don't know Regulus well, but from what Sirius says, he's a complete brat."
"Yeah, well, Sirius is one to talk. I don't know how you can put up with him so much," Severus said.
"Apparently his life at home isn't good," put in Lily, shrugging. "You should at least consider that—"
-"Oh, I've considered it," Severus said, rolling his eyes and leaning back, the cool grass feeling good on his hands. "I've considered it and I think it's a bad excuse for being an asshole. You know what he did, right? He pranked me. He wanted me to die below the Whomping Willow—he wanted me to see…" He trailed off, wishing he could tell Lily the full truth, but he didn't want Dumbledore breathing down his neck. "Anyway, he wanted me to get killed, or seriously injured. All for a laugh."
"We talked about this before, but I'll say it again. I don't think that's completely right," said Lily loftily. "He told Mary and me about it—he said you overheard him telling Potter. That you eavesdropped and made your own conclusion, and that Potter got you out of there just in time."
"Well, that's complete bullshit," Severus said. "Of course he'd tell you two that—he'd tell you anything to make himself look better. He told me to go down there, knowing full well what he was doing. And Potter… Like I said before, he just wanted to save Black from getting expelled. Even Potter admitted as much that Black wanted me to die—but Potter didn't care, he just didn't want Black in trouble. Not that Dumbledore would've cared if I'd have died. He hates me."
Lily snickered. "Dumbledore doesn't hate anyone."
"He hates me," Severus said firmly. "So is your friend loudmouth MacDonald going to date Sirius now?" he asked in a disparaging tone. "They were getting pretty close at the ball."
"No," Lily replied slowly. "I don't know if Sirius wants to date anyone—"
"Of course not," scoffed Severus. "He's way too cool for that, I'm sure."
"Can we stop? All it does is get you in a foul mood," Lily said.
"I'm just telling you the truth," Severus said gravely. "But I don't want to talk about them anyway."
"Good," said Lily. "What are your summer plans?"
"You're joking, right? What do I ever do?" Severus asked dryly.
"Shut up," Lily told him flippantly, and tossed a handful of grass at him.
"What are you, four years old?" he asked, smirking and brushing off his lap. "Where are you going this summer?"
"Nowhere," Lily replied. "I'll be home. I'm hoping we can see each other a lot."
Severus' heartbeat quickened. "I want to," he nodded, and then paused. "You're not going to tell your parents I kissed you, right?"
"No way," Lily replied, shuddering. "Besides," she said slyly, "it was me who kissed you."
"I kissed you first today," Severus said.
"Only because I told you to," said Lily a bit devilishly.
He leaned over and snogged her on the lips. "There," he said.
"You only did that to prove a point so it doesn't count," Lily told him.
"Fine," Severus said, an edge to his voice. Kissing her was still so new that he was feeling sort of sensitive about it. He wasn't sure how to ask if she liked it—it seemed she did. But he had no technique to speak of, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do. He knew she was only teasing, but he felt very much on the defensive. "See if I kiss you again."
"Don't be like that," Lily urged, and to his delight, she leaned into him, putting her head against his shoulder. The thunder above them rumbled again, and fat raindrops began to fall like bullets from the sky. Shouting and laughing, they ran back to the castle and bid each other goodbyes.
It was as though a gap had been filled in their friendship, as though they should have always been kissing and sitting close, and hugging the new way. It was as though they were doing something they'd been meant to do all along. Severus had a new sort of skip in his step, albeit a slightly off kilter one.
"Enjoy your summer, Snape," said Mulciber as they exited the train, giving a wave. "You should visit me sometime." Mulciber and Avery had been particularly nice to Severus since the night he'd insulted Avery's bad luck with Rosier. It seemed this made him a much more favorable person in their eyes, and the shift in the group dynamic had been dramatic. The last few dueling club meetings had been a great lot of fun. Everyone still insulted each other mercilessly, but it was good all the same. Since the dance, Rosier had become considerably more tolerable. Severus had no idea why she'd changed, but she was quieter, more morose, and thus a lot easier to put up with. Regulus was suddenly the same height as Severus and was talking in a deeper voice. This must have been a gradual change, but since Severus didn't pay too much attention to him, he was quite disturbed by it. He, of course, was still irritated beyond belief with him, but he helped him study Defense Against the Dark Arts anyway (yelling at him anytime he got an answer wrong, of course). These things had kept Severus busy, which was good because he and Lily had hardly seen each other due to finals and papers. Time away from her was difficult but his friends made it almost bearable.
"Come visit me, too," said Regulus, waving. "We can come up with ways to torture Sirius."
"Get stuffed," Black said from behind Regulus in a rude tone of voice. "Besides, if you invite Snivellus over to our house, I will make certain you die a horrible death, Reg—"
"I'd like to see you try. What would you do? Make my pillow explode or put a jumpy legs jinx on me? I know all the kind of cute shit you and Potter get up to, Sirius. If I wanted to, I could kill youway faster than you could kill me," Regulus said smartly. "Besides, you know full well that Mother will let me have whoever I want over. Unlike you. She thinks your friends are obnoxious."
"There's no way in hell I'm bringing any of my friends back into the insanity of our house. I honor my friends more than that," Sirius retorted. "Come on, slowpoke. We don't want dearest Mothergetting her titties all twisted—"
"I'm telling her you said that—"
-"What difference does it make? I'm all ready grounded and we haven't gotten home yet," Sirius said nonchalantly.
"Serves you right," Regulus said, and they walked off arguing loudly.
"Fuck Black," said Severus, rolling his eyes. "I hope Regulus does kill him. It'd be worth Azkaban. Later, all." Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash of dark red hair, and his stomach turned pleasantly.
"Bye Snape," said Rosier. "I'll be reading those books you leant me." The others said their goodbyes as well. Narcissa smiled at Severus as he tried discreetly to walk toward Lily, who had promised he could ride with her home. Unfortunately, Lily was also saying her goodbyes. Lupin, Black, Potter, MacDonald and Pettigrew were all hanging around her with a portly blonde woman who Severus instantly knew was Pettigrew's mother.
"I'm telling you, Evans. You'll never see anything like it—you should go with me," Potter was saying loudly.
"No thanks," Lily said. "I'd rather not. Have a good summer, everyone."
Pettigrew and Lupin walked off with Pettigrew's mother, and Potter shrugged, walking off to join a nicely dressed couple that had to be his parents who immediately showered him in hugs. Mary and Lily chattered loudly, laughing about something. As if sensing his stare, Lily turned around. "Oh—hello Severus," she said, a bit formally. "Here to get a ride?" Mary turned her nose up at him.
"Er… yes," Severus nodded, giving her a strange look.
"Bye Mary!" Lily said instantly, and walked off into the crowd. Severus followed her as she looked around for her parents. He hurried to catch up.
"Are you afraid of being seen with me?" Severus asked her wryly.
Lily turned around, her eyes wide. "Why would you ever say that?" she asked.
"Kidding," he said.
"Oh," she said, smiling weakly. "Right. There's my dad! Let's go, Sev."
The car ride was as awkward as usual. Mr. Evans kept glancing at Severus and asking tons of the sorts of questions grown-ups wanted to know when they didn't care about you, such as asking how the train was and whether Severus had enjoyed the last term. Instead of going to the Evans' home as usual, Lily's father swung around to Spinner's End to drop him off right away. Lily and Severus exchanged glances in the rearview mirror. Despite what Lily said, Severus got the distinct impression that her father was beginning to dislike him.
At Severus' own home, things were as dismal as usual. One of the front windows had been smashed in, leaving a sizable gap that looked unsightly and the entire house smelled rank, like a combination of garbage and ancient standing water. Tobias was not home at all too often which was pleasing, but his mum was so utterly quiet that Severus worried for how things might be this summer. Severus spent time the first few days playing with Poe and reading, and wondering if it was too soon to pay Lily a visit.
"So Lily, how have you been?" asked Petunia cordially as the sisters washed and dried the dishes after supper.
Lily stared at her in shock for a moment, and then smiled. "I've been really great! I aced my test on elixirs and I got top marks on my report on Britain's most haunted places for History of Ma—"
"I'm not interested in your school achievements, if you can call them that," said Petunia crisply. "I only wondered if you were personally doing well."
Lily blinked at her. "Oh. Yes. I am personally doing well," she said, humorously trying to sound overly stuffy. "Are you personally doing well?"
"Go ahead," said Petunia, throwing down the dish rag she'd been using to dry. "Mock me. You're flawless, as ever. By the way," she added in a harsh whisper before Lily could respond to her other comments, "Mother isn't going to like the way you're dressed. How much leg do you have to show, anyway? I think it's highly inappropriate that you go to a co-ed school. Who knows what you're really learning." She flounced away.
"Tuney!" Lily said urgently. "I wasn't mocking you, I was joking—Tuney!" She sighed heavily and tugged down her skirt.
It was obvious that Petunia had little interest in being close, but Lily's parents seemed to have other ideas. They had all sorts of activities in mind for the sisters to bond over.
"Tuney, you could take Lily shopping for some new shorts," suggested Mother over breakfast the next morning. "Perhaps shorts that go past the knees?"
Petunia gave Lily a look that clearly said Told you so. "Mother, I told you—today I'm going to Tabby's. We're going to curl our hair."
"Why not bring your sister along?" suggested Father cheerfully, looking over his work papers at the dining room table. "She could curl her hair, too, couldn't she?"
Lily opened her mouth to protest but Petunia beat her to it. "No, Daddy," she said scornfully. "Lily can find enough to do without coming with me to my friend's house—"
"Petunia Evans, you know your sister is gone from the neighborhood for most of the year! Come summers, she has no one to play with! Save for Severus, and lord knows Lily needs other girlfriends! He's suitable for certain things, but Lily seems to have grown past him," Mother said.
Lily gritted her teeth, wondering if she should feel guiltier than she did. She also took great offense to the word play. No one played anymore. "Mother, I'm fine—I have enough to do—"
"That boy gets stranger and stranger," muttered Father. "I have issues with people that can't hold eye contact. And I could've sworn I smelt cigarette smoke—"
"I knew he was smoking," Petunia spat, crossing her arms and shoving her nearly full plate of food out of the way.
"He doesn't smoke," Lily lied, "he just wears hand-me-down clothes—"
"That's even worse. Why would you hang around him when he wears someone else's smelly old clothes?"
"Why are we still arguing about this, girls?" asked Father absent-mindedly, flipping through the pages of his work. "Clearly, Petunia, Lily could come with you to Tabby's—"
"She has enough to do!" Petunia reiterated, cutting across their father, who hardly noticed. "Answering more fan mail from boys, no doubt—"
"What's that?" asked their father, suddenly listening with undivided attention.
Lily shot Petunia a very nasty look. "What is it you're on about?"
"I know you write letters to boys," Petunia said, but less boldly than before. "I saw you writing to that Remus you've mentioned, and a Frank, and you wrote Severus all last break—"
"How dare you!" Lily burst out. "Those are letters to my friends! Did you read them?"
"No way," said Petunia, crinkling her nose. "Anyway, it's not like you care about my privacy—"
"That was years ago!" Lily squawked. "You're being unfair!"
"Mother, I don't like that Lily has so many male friends," said Petunia primly. "What's she learning at that school, anyway?"
"You sound like an old lady," Lily told her sister bitterly.
"I won't say what you look like," said Petunia, "because it would be rude."
"Girls!" Mother said loudly. "Stop treating each other this way! It's entirely impolite. Lord knows I won't force you two to be close but I'm quite sick of the bickering year after year. You used to be such dear little friends."
The girls both glared at each other across the table. "That was a long time ago," Petunia said stiffly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get ready." She shoved off the table and headed upstairs.
"Do you have a lot of boyfriends?" asked Father, taking off his spectacles and focusing on her, a serious look on his face. Mother looked at her, too.
"I don't have any!" Lily said loudly. "Petunia's making something into a big deal that doesn't even exist. I've never had a boyfriend—"
-"Because if we need to talk about boys and sex again, you can always talk to me," said Mother.
"I was a young boy once, you know," joked Father. "I know I could throw in a few stories."
"No," Lily said, humiliated, shaking her head from side to side in a very rigid manner. "I have friends that are boys, but nothing like a boyfriend." She said it so strongly, it almost seemed real. After all, Severus wasn't her boyfriend. Not yet.
"And so then my mother said, If you need to talk about boys and sex again, just let me know," Lily recited in what Severus thought was a very accurate impression of her uptight mother.
"You've actually discussed sex with your parents?" Severus asked, grimacing. He jumped down from their tree in the clearing and landed beside Lily, who was stretched out in the grass.
"Yes, but that was quite a long time ago. I told you when it happened—"
"Yeah, but you didn't say what they said."
Lily rolled her eyes, grinning. "I don't want to say what my mother said. It was so embarrassing. All this kind of mysterious information that didn't quite make sense. When we looked at that magazine you had, it was the first time I actually got what sex was about. Before I saw that, I thought people just sort of lay on top of each other."
Severus snickered. "I guess I could see why you thought that. I just always thought it was something dirty people did."
"Yes, but you saw your parents doing it when you were way too young," Lily said firmly, looking at him.
"Suppose so," he muttered, a bit self-conscious that she remembered that detail.
"And Malfoy and Bellatrix," said Lily teasingly.
Severus snorted. "I didn't see them fully doing it," he clarified. "Only a few things—"
"That's enough to scar you for life," Lily joked. "Sirius says Dumbledore used to teach a course on sexual urges, but Malfoy's father protested it so much that now it's an optional weekend class that happens every so often. I guess Dumbledore gives a lecture and then you can go eat ice cream. It's supposed to prove that sex isn't bad for you, or something."
"Thank God that's optional," Severus said, shuddering. "I'd sooner pluck my eyelashes out." Lily snickered.
They stared at each other awkwardly for a moment, and then snogged quickly. When they broke apart, Lily stood up. To Severus' disappointment, she had to go to a family dinner for some of her father's work achievements. They bid each other goodbye and when Severus returned home, there was a letter waiting for him. It was in a very smart envelope and a serpent seal was pressed onto it. He opened it carefully, planning to save the snake seal. The letter was written in very neat silver cursive.
Dear Severus, it began, I do hope it was not too improper of me to obtain your address from Lucius. I could have gone through him but I felt it would be better manners to contact you myself. How was your fourth year at Hogwarts? Your passion for your studies definitely brought me back to the times I spent at that school. I am hoping you ended the year pleasantly. I write to inform you of an event that will be happening this July. I wish to gather yourself and some of your fellow students who congregated at Lucius' birthday party last summer for a gathering I will be hosting at the Malfoy Manor. It will be a social affair, but has to do with an idea that I have been working on for some time. Abraxus has been kind and charitable enough to help the funding and supply the location. I'd like you to attend, as I believe you could be an asset to me. We did not speak for long, but I've heard quite good things about you. As I said, opening an apothecary is a fine side occupation, but I have an opportunity for you that may gain you great prestige. It will be a sort of networking event. All will be explained. Please RSVP with your response. I look forward to hearing from you.
All the best,
T. M. Riddle
Printed under Riddle's loopy signature was a tiny design. Severus looked closely at the paper. It seemed to be a skull with a snake emerging from its mouth. It was one of the coolest things Severus felt he had ever seen. He was happy to be included, and besides, the gathering sounded like something perfect for him. Since he'd started at Hogwarts, he'd been hoping for someone to notice his talents. Whatever Tom Riddle was planning, he seemed keen on Severus being involved. Perhaps this would be Severus' lucky year.
When Lily returned home from dinner with her family, she had a letter as well. She ripped it open hastily and then sighed.
Dear Evans,
Hope your summer is full of sunshine and that you don't have to put up with Snivellus too much. Mary says you're his neighbor—you should get a special award for putting up with him twelve months out of the year. I'd be pulling my hair out, and that's saying something because I find my hair quite fetching. She also says you're Snivellus' best friend but I know she was only saying that to put me off you. It didn't work because I really think you're tops, despite having horrible taste in friends.
I think you should re-consider coming with me and my family to the Quidditch World Cup. You've probably never gotten to do something as fun, and a huge portion of the wizarding community goes. It would be a new experience for you, and I know my Mum and Dad would love meeting you. I've told them about everyone in our year. Sirius is here right now, and he says hello, plus some other things I won't write because he's being annoying—
There was a distinct change in handwriting. Replacing Potter's large, messy writing were neat, stylized letters that were all capitalized:
-HI EVANS. JAMES WON'T LET ME WRITE TO YOU BUT HE JUST WENT TO THE LOO SO NOW I'M WRITING TO YOU. HOW ARE YOU, EVANS? HOPE YOU ARE ABLE TO ENJOY THE SUN AND THAT YOU ARE WEARING SWIMSUITS OFTEN. PLEASE SAY YOU WON'T COME TO THE CUP, BECAUSE THEN I GET TO GO—
Good Godric. I suppose it's my own fault for making bad choices as to who I hang around. Perhaps you and I have that in common? Anyway, please don't listen to Sirius. I think it would be really fun if you came with me to the Cup, or if you came up to Manchester just for a visit. My house is quite big and my parents are nice, and my Dad's a good cook (if you count spells as cooking—he does). Anyway, wipe Snivellus' nose for us and check his armpits and give your bossy big sister kisses and all that. I'll pummel Sirius and I'm still reserving that ticket for you.
Later!
James (Prongs)
PS: Oh, and Sirius wants me to tell you to try and tell Snape all kinds of bad things about his brother—you should tell him that Regulus is saying Snape stinks and make them fight. That would be funny, don't you think so?
Lily was about to write a short response instructing James not to contact her again and for him to give Sirius the ticket when another owl tapped at her window. It was Mary's Eagle owl Muffin, and as soon as Lily opened the window he crashed into her bed and chattered excitedly, dropping the letter and then preening himself.
Dear Lily!
I'm sorry—James has just told me he wrote you a letter. I gave him your address but I didn't think he was going to write you a letter! He said it was really funny, which means it will probably annoy you and so I'm sorry. I'm sorry! sorry! sorry! Please don't be mad at me. Hope your summer's really good so far. I'm hanging out with the boys this coming week. You're invited, though I know you probably won't want to. Just so you know, Remus wasn't too offended by you not fancying him. He is sort of a weird boy. I think he was just happy you went with him, honestly. No developments between Sirius and me. He mentioned some girl named Fiona—what kind of name is that? I've decided to develop an interest in someone else. Possibly someone older. I need experience. If you know any older, hot boys with big pricks, let me know. Does your neighbor have a brother? Tell him hi for me. Hope you aren't mad at me for giving James your address.
XOXOXO, love love!
Mary
Lily shook her head. And what on earth did Mary suppose James was going to do with her address? At least he hadn't paid her a visit. Horrified at the thought, Lily made a silent prayer that Potter had lost her address.
"You're not going, are you?" asked Severus sulkily, tossing the letter from Potter down. "And my armpits don't need checking. That happened so long ago! Honestly, he's the biggest fucking dipshit I've ever known, why does he have to mention how big his house is, what a berk—"
Lily knew she should have never mentioned the letter. After she'd complained about James writing he'd pressed her to see it, saying if he couldn't he'd never know what she and James were corresponding about privately. They'd taken a walk past Spinner's End and were hanging around the dilapidated mill. It was a change of scenery but it was rather depressing. "Of course I'm not going. Are you mad at me? I wouldn't go if Potter begged me and paid me!" she exclaimed, grabbing back the letter.
"You aren't keeping that, right?" Severus asked. "What are you going to do, read it every night—"
"Severus, shut it! I don't fancy Potter! What can I say to make you understand that?" Lily asserted.
Severus shrugged, a smile forming on his lips that he quickly covered with a frown. "I just don't want him to like you."
"Honestly, I don't think he really does. It's almost as if he's doing it as a joke because he knows it annoys me."
Severus stared at her hard. "Don't be stupid. I know he likes you. Either way, I don't want you writing him."
Lily chuckled. "I wrote him to tell him not to write me, and I let him know Sirius can definitely have the ticket—"
"Good," said Severus in a forceful voice. "But I wish you hadn't said anything."
"Fine," Lily said back. She ripped up the letter and tossed it on the ground. "I'm not going to write anything else to him. Believe me, Severus."
"I believe you," he said. He wasn't sure why it upset him so much; after all, it was obvious that Lily disliked Potter. He just didn't like that Potter was so insistent on asking Lily to hang out, particularly since he couldn't even tell Potter to back off. He would very much like to, but then word might get out that he and Lily had snogged and then what would he say to his Slytherin friends? They kept walking, Severus wishing desperately he could pluck up the courage to kiss her, but he wanted very much to act indifferent. "I may be going to a party at Lucius'," he began, but Lily cut him off with a derisive snort.
"Great," she said sarcastically. "You're mad at me because Potter wrote me, and you're going to a party at Lucius'. How many times do I have to tell you how foul he was to me?"
"I know," Severus shrugged lamely, "but he's my friend. You hate my friends, I hate yours. It's even. And really, you can't take what he says to heart. He's extremely dramatic. Anyway, he's got this family friend—rather, it's his father's friend—and his name is Riddle. Tom Riddle. I got invited to a sort of event at Lucius' that's supposed to be about careers after school or something. Riddle says he's trying to reform Hogwarts. Least, that's what I got out of it. He's not very happy about Dumbledore's way of running it."
"You mentioned that Riddle person," Lily said, picking up a stone and tossing it down the lane. "Why doesn't he like Dumbledore? I think Dumbledore's insanely brilliant."
"Insane being the operative word," Severus said, and Lily punched him in the arm. "Yikes!" he exclaimed, rubbing it. "I may have to start calling you Rosier. Anyway, I think I might have to agree with Riddle. Look, I know you like Dumbledore, but you haven't had much interaction with him. I know he's smart and all that, but I don't like the way he chooses favorites. I'll bet you he was a Gryffindor."
"I'm so sick of bets," Lily complained.
Severus gave her a questioning look, but she did not explain. "So, my point is that I think Dumbledore's got good ideas but he's rather old. And honestly, what does he do? He's not very often out and about, except when he creeps up on you and calls you out for something. When Black beat me—" he paused, blushing slightly—" I mean, when Black and I beat each other up, Black hardly got a slap on the wrist. I've been spoken to twice by McGonagall, when does the Fabulous Four ever get a talking to? Besides, the Fabulous Four is such a stupid nickname—it's a direct rip off of the Beatles anyway."
"They didn't come up with it, some other people did. They're just popular in Gryffindor—people like them, they think they're funny. And I'm not arguing with you, Sev… but they've gotten in trouble loads of times. Practically every day, in fact. McGonagall's constantly giving them detentions. We lose points all the time because of the stuff they do, but then they earn back points for doing well on spells and work in class. The last week of school, Sirius and Potter both got a telling off for engorging this boy's head. Sirius got grounded by his mother before even going home. Which is probably why he's staying at Potter's place."
Severus kicked an old rusty tin can, and it spiraled around in front of them. "No one gets it, though. It's like you said. Everyone thinks they're funny. They don't see the truth. Everyone thinks they're just so cool."
"I don't," Lily responded immediately. "And honestly, I don't understand why you care so much. It's not even like you have to see them very often. Besides, it seems like things have gotten better between all of you." She turned to Severus, who was making a very skeptical face. "Oh come on, now! Beyond the Whomping Willow and you trying to make Remus out to be some sort of freak, I've hardly heard you speak about them. I haven't seen you all duel in ages. I think if you simply keep ignoring them, there won't be a problem."
"As long as they ignore me," Severus said simply. Potter was getting under his skin worse and worse every day, though. Ever since he'd overheard Potter talking about Lily, Severus couldn't stop thinking about how much he hated everything about him. Potter was like an itch he could never seem to scratch.
"I want to know more about this Riddle person," Lily said, obviously trying to change the subject. "I hope it works out for you. Though it seems rather foggy. Is that all he told you about what he's doing?"
"He said I could be an asset to him. Lucius told him I make my own spells, and Riddle was impressed with my marks. He seemed like he was interested in me. I don't meet many adults like that," Severus replied.
Lily smiled. "I think you deserve it, if it's something good. You certainly work hard enough."
Severus nodded, and then smiled back at her crookedly.
The summer was going pretty good, but Severus could have done with a lot more physical intimacy with Lily. It was all he thought about when he was on his own. It felt even worse than before they'd kissed because now he knew what he was missing. They snogged a few times when they hung out, but that began to be few and far between because Lily's family always took her on small holidays and day trips. On those days, Severus spent his time outside. He only spoke to his parents when he had to—otherwise, it had been a very silent time at home. Early July, his father addressed him directly for the first time.
"You. Get over here. What's this?" Tobias snapped, pointing to the bathroom counter.
Severus looked in the room, and instantly, a wave of panic pulsed through his body. On the counter was the condom he'd been given by Abbigale two winters ago. He'd kept it for good measure, and sometimes kept it in the pocket of his trousers. That day, he'd taken it out before his shower for a stupid, silly reason. He'd inspected it thoroughly and imagined putting it on to have sex with Lily, and then ended up turning on the shower water while he masturbated. He'd then forgotten to hide it again. Mortified, Severus shrugged. "It's nothing," he managed to say in a low voice, his hair hiding his face.
"Oh, I know it's nothing," Tobias went on, sneering sharply. "Like you're going to use it. Please. A little runt like you. You'd be lucky to have a girl sneeze on you."
Severus' shoulders hunched over more, if possible. Tobias could mock him for being a wizard and he could berate his mother and Severus would instantly argue back, but this, given the recent circumstances, was a tender subject. Not only was Severus terrified he wouldn't be able to have sex with Lily right, he was concerned he'd never get to. He figured he had to at least kiss her a bit more to get to that point, but he ached for it now. Tobias' words cut through him like the curse he'd been working on, the Sectumsempra. "A girl likes me," Severus muttered, but his voice was very small.
"Don't lie to yourself," Tobias said. "It's pathetic. When I was your age, I'd all ready fucked two girls. It's obvious you take after your mum's side. Freaks and recluses, the lot of them."
Severus wanted to protest, but he couldn't find the words.
Tobias snatched up the rubber and thrust it at him. "Honestly though, you'd be better off giving it to me. I can promise you I'll use it far before you ever will." Laughing sadistically, Severus' father sidled back to the living room. Severus' face was hot with humiliation. He figured it was pretty stupid he'd held onto that condom this entire time, especially since his first kiss had only happened a few weeks ago. What was he thinking? Lily was the most attractive girl at Hogwarts, and he shouldn't be acting like such a fool around her. Tears stinging in his black eyes, Severus tossed the condom into the toilet and flushed, watching it whir round and round until it disappeared.
"You're sure everything's all right?" asked Lily. It was obvious that Severus had been in a desolate mood for the past few days, and she wasn't quite certain what was wrong. To top it off, he was leaving for Malfoy's to attend that Riddle person's party, and they'd barely snogged the whole summer, save for a few quick pecks here and there.
Severus nodded slowly. "I just need some time to think about things."
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No. Not at all," he replied quickly, but she wondered if he was being truthful. Sometimes, she could read his exaggerated expressions like a book, but in times like this he was unreadable. He was definitely talented at shutting others out. Lily had known him enough to see when he was in his head or having a hard time. His large black eyes would be unfocused, and he'd be quicker to protest or snap.
She nodded, mirroring him. She'd even worn her new sundress today, and he'd barely looked at her, instead hanging his head down and speaking in barely audible tones. Lily wished she could confide in Mary, who certainly would do her best to help if it was anyone but Severus. Fancying Severus was difficult, Lily was realizing. It was even more difficult than being his mate. She didn't wish he was different exactly, but he was beginning to bother her with his guarded behavior. She longed for him to kiss her, or try to be close. She found it strange he'd been so physically close to her last year, and now when he knew absolutely sure the feeling was mutual, he seemed to have little interest in doing so again.
"Well, well, well. Thought you hardly saw each other anymore. So, is this where you sneak off to when you say you're going to the library? I knew you'd be here," came Petunia's cold voice from behind them.
Lily turned around quickly. Petunia never came to the clearing. She'd stopped once a tree branch had hit her shoulder when they were all kids. She made to answer, but Severus did first.
"Look who it is. The Muggle spy," he said quietly, through clenched teeth.
"Severus," Lily pleaded. She faced her sister. "Look, Petunia, I do go to the library—Severus and I are just discussing school things—"
"Stop calling me a Muggle!" Petunia snapped, ignoring Lily. She was pointing at Severus, her nails covered in garish pink polish that clashed horribly with her yellow blonde hair.
"What else would I call you?" asked Severus deeply, glaring daggers. "You are one."
Petunia laughed. "And I suppose you still think you're special? Look at you. Not much has really changed over the years. You're still dirty and poorly dressed. Lily says you wash your hair, but I'm not certain."
"I—I do too wash my hair!" Severus stammered. He sent Lily a fleeting glance. It was obvious he'd lost his cool. "Of course I do! I just showered yesterday."
"I can see how oily it is from here. You're disgusting," said Petunia, a simper on her face. She almost looked impressive in her pressed white dress with matching white Mary Janes, one hand placed coolly upon her hip. "Do your parents even care about you, I wonder?"
"PETUNIA!" Lily shouted, jumping up.
"You're a bitch," Severus snarled. A nasty feeling filled Lily's stomach.
"Nice company you keep, Lily. He's a real class act." Petunia shook her head. "Honestly. With everything Mother and Daddy have done for you, I'd think you'd be more grateful."
"Petunia," Lily hissed, "leave him alone."
"I was finished here anyway," Petunia said. "Have fun together. Interesting how you're always telling our parents that you never see him anymore. See you." She headed off through the woods.
"I should curse her!" Severus shouted, flexing his fingers.
Lily pulled him back. "And what? Get expelled? She's just being difficult—I have to head her off, she can't go there and get the upper hand."
Severus growled and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Well," he said gruffly. "See you later." With not as much as a hug, he stomped off in the opposite direction.
Lily internally debated who she should follow. She figured that following Petunia would do her the best in the long run. "Hey! Stop it!" she cried. "Slow down! It's not what you think. We get together to talk about classes and things—"
"That boy has been following you around like a dog since the day we met him, Lily. I'm not an idiot. I suppose I'm just a little worried that my little sister is possibly romantically interested in the biggest dirtbag I've ever met in my life." Petunia's voice was surprisingly even as she turned around and stared into Lily's green eyes with her pale blue ones.
How does she know? She can't have seen anything! She's just a little gossip! Lily tried desperately to pull a straight face, but her heart was pounding unpleasantly in her chest. "Severus and I, we're just friends—"
"Maybe you're friends with him, but it's obvious in the way that little creep hangs around you," said Petunia, pursing her lips. "For your own good, I should probably tell Daddy and Mother my suspicions—"
"Don't do this, Petunia," said Lily loudly, grabbing her sister by the shoulder and gripping her hard. Petunia's keen eye was a bit scary sometimes. "You don't have any evidence—"
"Stay away from him, Lily. He's foul!" Petunia yelled.
"He's my friend!" Lily snarled.
"And I just don't understand that. You've always been too nice to people, but this is ridiculous," Petunia shot back. They looked so opposite—Petunia slight and straight-backed, formal and serious and Lily with her bright hair and curves, her round features and striking eyes. Lily's teal summer dress evoked images of cheery hummingbirds, while Petunia's white outfit brought to mind gulls.
Petunia wrenched herself out of Lily's grasp and looked at her disapprovingly. "I'm very worried for what you're going to become," she said.
"What will I become? I don't like Severus! I've told you the truth!" Lily felt desperate. She needed to cling to the way her family saw her—it was important.
"Well, I warned you. And if I need to, I will tell our parents. That boy is bad, Lily," Petunia sniffed. With that, she flounced off, and Lily was left alone. She took the long way home, looping around the park. She was frustrated at Severus' lack of communication but even more annoyed at Petunia. Severus was not bad, he was different—Petunia was just trying to find ways to hurt Lily. To top it off, Lily arrived in her room to find yet another letter on her windowsill.
Hi Evans,
It's a shame you didn't come to the Quidditch Cup, because it was brilliant. Sirius was alright company but he's not half as good looking as you are. Ouch, he's just singed my eyebrows because I told him I said that. He said if I admit he's prettier than you, he'll put them right. But I can't tell a lie that large. Oh dear, he's just blown up my chess set. I think you should come with me to the Chudley Canons match in August. They always lose, but they're great to watch. My parents will get you a ticket, and we can probably pick you up, too, if you don't mind Apparating. Mum and Dad haven't really met too many Muggles, though I've got one for an uncle. He's it, though, and all his kids have been to Hogwarts. Are you the only witch in your family? I have to say, I couldn't believe you were a Muggle-born, just because you're great in every class. Mary says I shouldn't write you anymore, but I'm just saying hi. So hi.
-James (Prongs)
PS: Really, let me know if you can come to the game.
PPS: SAY YOU'LL COME SO THEY GET A TICKET AND THEN CANCEL SO I CAN HAVE IT. –SIRIUS
Frowning, Lily took out a quill and parchment and quickly scratched out a response:
To Potter,
Stop writing to me. I have absolutely no interest in how physically attractive you do or do not find me. I think you are obnoxious and stuck up. I don't want to see you this summer. I want you to leave me alone. I know this may come off as rude, but honestly—get a clue.
Sincerely,
Lily Evans
"You again," said Hagawthe Malfoy quietly, opening the front door to Malfoy Manor and staring at Severus dubiously. His dark hair was cut so that a curl hung down his forehead, and he was wearing a very smart set of dress robes. It had been quite awhile since Severus had first met Lucius' brother and he hadn't missed him at all. "I'd have thought Lucius would have gotten bored of you by now."
"Can I come in?" asked Severus, curling his lip.
"What is it, Hagawthe? A party crasher?" came a tinny voice from inside. "Do be sure to check my guest list."
Instantly Hagawthe budged away from the door. "No, Tom. It's Snape, one of my brother's friends—"
"Snape!" exclaimed Riddle, coming into view and opening the door wide, nearly pushing Hagawthe out of the way. "How good to see you. My, Hagawthe, I shouldn't entrust you with the duty of door, it seems. You'll scare all my guests away—"
"You're here for the party?" Hagawathe asked in disbelief.
"I hardly see why that tone is necessary," said Tom, smiling thinly. "Come, Snape, come in. The event is happening in the main drawing room. I'm sure the elves will find a space for your belongings." He let Severus in, and put his arm around his shoulder, leading him into the house. Hagawthe stared after them.
Severus at once felt at home, despite being put off by the large amount of guests and the dogs (there were only two at this point—Heathcliffe had become a stuffed ornament, his face twisted into a forever snarl). Things with his family had made him so depressed that this was a welcome change. His budding romance with Lily was exciting, but his father's comments had made him self-conscious, not to mention the things Lily's idiotic Muggle sister had said. Severus felt confident in the company of Lucius and the others.
Hagawthe's pretty, caramel-skinned wife was there with their toddler who kept trying to push over Lucius' parents' expensive vases, and everyone had to continuously reconstruct them with spells. The others from last time were present, including Rosier, Avery, Mulciber, MacNair, Bellatrix, and Narcissa. Lucius was in grand spirits, and gave Severus a fond hug. Others were also there: a brother and sister who had graduated from Slytherin a few years ago, two large friends named Crabbe and Goyle who seemed to like to argue about politics without knowing much of what they were speaking about, and a handful of older socialites who seemed to be friends of both Abraxus and Riddle. To Severus' dismay, Slughorn showed up, bearing expensive wine and gifts for Riddle. He and Riddle embraced, and Slughorn went on for about an hour about what a wonderful student Riddle had been when he'd gone to Hogwarts. Severus noticed how Slughorn's behavior toward him changed after learning that Riddle had invited him to the party.
"A brilliant student is this one!" Slughorn boomed, clapping Severus on the back. "He's going to go far—I snapped him up for my club when he was merely a boy. I knew he'd be great—such talent—"
Riddle smiled. "You do know how to pick the best. I'd like to think I learned that quality from you, in a way." Slughorn grinned pleasantly. Riddle winked playfully at Severus. People wove in and out through the halls, socializing and eating, drinking wine and other spirits. When the clock struck six, Riddle wrangled everyone into the drawing room, a drink in his hand—a simple vodka sour, of course.
The effect he had on them was marvelous. Everyone was quiet, and gathered around him, on couches and chairs, some standing around the mantelpiece and pianos, leaning on the walls in front of tapestries depicting gruesome wars. Severus chose the couch, and sat next to Lucius and Bellatrix, who was staring at Riddle as though he was a god. Severus supposed with his strong chin and wavy hair, straight teeth and fitted robes, he did look very important. It was so silent that the clock could be heard ticking from the hallway.
"Good evening," said Riddle, his voice as sharp and clear as glass. Hagawthe's child began to cry, and Abraxus instantly hexed his mouth shut. "I was hoping for a large turnout, and my, my. What a turnout."
Slughorn smiled and waved his half-empty wine glass in the air. Riddle raised his own glass, smiling back. "I have looked far and wide for people who give me a feeling—a feeling that I can trust them, a feeling that they can do well for my cause. This is only the beginning, though it had been progressing in my mind for some time what I'd like to do. I don't like the way things are going in our world."
Abraxus clapped, and MacNair nodded. Severus wondered what he'd been missing, for he had no idea what Riddle meant. Still, he mirrored MacNair and nodded solemnly.
"Wizards are hidden all over the world," went on Riddle. "Some don't even know that they possess great talent. They are punished for their powers. Persecuted. Abused. Killed, in some cases."
Severus instantly thought of Lanxus, his mother's brother, his head bashed in, blood pouring out of his skull like a red river. He tuned back into Riddle's speech to see that Riddle was becoming rather emotional. His pale face was angry, and he had balled his left fist as though ready to fight.
"Muggles hold the power," he was saying. Several people scoffed. "You don't think they do?" asked Riddle, his tone a bit condescending. "Your children can't perform magic outside of Hogwarts. Why? Muggles might be scared. Unless you live in a wizard community, or a specific village, you must hide your magical talents. Why? Muggles might find out, might be outraged about our world. Sure, wizards come out to Muggles daily. Particularly kind wizards promise their Muggle friends—" Riddle sneered—"that they can do favors for them, useful spells to make their lives easier. It starts out simply enough. But then the Muggles become greedy." Riddle whipped out his wand, and flicked a jet of white light at a tapestry behind him. As though playing a movie, the tapestry came to life.
Magical beasts were screaming, falling bloody and dead to the ground while Muggle warriors shot arrows and canons at them. Witches were tied above fires, wizards being gutted by ferocious looking Muggles. The magical folk had children running amok, trying to defend themselves in the fray, but their spells weren't strong enough. The children in the background of the tapestry were tied to stakes, beaten.
Rendered speechless, Severus looked around the room. Bellatrix had tears shining in her eyes, Narcissa was covering Regulus' face, and everyone else looked disgusted, murmuring angrily to each other.
"All because they wanted what we had and found themselves incapable," said Riddle crisply, and shot another jet of light at the brutal scene. The tapestry went still and again, the room was silent. "Muggles are gluttonous, jealous beings, ruining what they have and coveting what they do not." He sipped his drink gingerly, and began to walk slowly throughout the room, making eye contact with his audience. "And now a new problem has arisen—a problem which was dealt with much differently when I was a boy. Now I have dated myself," he smiled. "I have watched the acceptance of Muggle-borns rise, and I have been shocked. No longer does anyone raise an eyebrow when a Muggle-born comes to Hogwarts. They are everywhere—in the Ministry holding high profile positions, privy to important information at Gringotts, writing news stories… I have a fear that I know many of you share. I fear that very soon, our world will no longer be a secret. There are certain public figures who spout idealizations they have for a wizard and Muggle relationship that simply does not, and will not, exist." Riddle's voice was rising. "Wizards have become lazy. Wizards are getting stupid about this Mudblood problem. Very soon, our world will be an open book and we will go right back to this, right back to where we came from—" Riddle pointed to the back wall tapestry. "Our world will be destroyed and I fear that this time, we will not have the means to build it back up. Our current leaders, Dumbledore being one of the worst, are leading us blindly into the third battle between Muggles and wizard kind. I'm proposing a change—a revolutionary movement to alter the depressing future of our great society. I want to close the Ministry. Purebloods should hold the esteemed positions and Halfbloods can be interviewed harshly to determine whether they are worthy enough. No more Muggle-borns holding power. No more Muggle-borns working behind the scenes at Gringotts. Hogwarts should go back to the way it was intended to be— high blood wizards only."
The room erupted in cheers and clapping, though Severus noticed that Professor Slughorn was swirling the bit of wine left in his drink a bit nervously.
"NO Muggle-borns. NO more special house visits to accept Mudblood students into our ranks. Who knows when we might mistakenly happen upon an anti-magic Muggle household? Have we prepared ourselves for angry Muggles? For armed Muggles? Have we become so obsessed with harmony that we have become incoherent? Muggles are NOT our allies! Muggles are NOT our equals! Muggles have tried to ruin us before, and by Salazar, I will NOT let them do so again. There was a special sect of wizards in the dark ages. These wizards persisted against the evil Muggles and saved our societies, our traditions. These wizards used their skills in spells to overthrow the Muggles, and used their weaknesses against them. These wizards were known as Death Eaters. Pureblood and purebred, they were strong, and smart, and fought hard. They were successful, ambitious... So-named for the hunger they had for the deaths of their Muggle enemies. I am looking for a group of young wizards who also have that hunger. I am looking for my Death Eaters."
Impressed, Severus clapped with the rest of them. Riddle certainly knew how to deliver a speech. He'd be a much better History of Magic professor than Binns, in Severus' opinion.