Peeta heated up some apple cider and brought it back to the living room where I was. I was still naked, and having urges to clean myself up if we were going to be having a conversation.

"Hey I'll be right back okay?" I say, standing as he places his naked self next to me. "Wanna put some clothes on?" I ask with a chuckle. He stands up and shrugs, taking my hand and pulling me close, kissing me passionately. It feels like it's been so long since I've kissed him and I can't help but wrap my arms around his next and let myself become entranced with the softness of his lips.

"Shall we?" he says as he pulls away. I regain my breath and nod, heading up the stairs. I feel self conscious going up in front of him, and I have good reason. He pinched my butt and laughed at my startled reaction. He always does this.

"You're gunna have to start going up first you pervert," I snap, ignoring his cute pleads of forgiveness and yet making no attempt to hide his amusement.

"Aww but that's no fun!"

I toss one of his t-shirts at him and he puts it on after slipping on a pair of boxers. Why does he have to be so damn cute, just that face was enough to make me want to fall into his arms again. Just the way he smiles at me without a whim or a worry. It made me hesitant to remind him that he was to tell me his story. How else was he supposed to know so much about women's bodies? Did they tell him or did he just figure it out on his own?

The fact that he was brainwashed was beside the point, because despite it I was still torn apart inside that Peeta had been used sexually for so long with so many people. It doesn't feel like he had cheated because he didn't know of our love, but it still rips me apart that he went along with it anyway. Just because he didn't know doesn't mean he should've done it. Maybe he was forced…but what if he wasn't? What if he had a choice and he took the sex with other women? It felt like betrayal even though it wasn't. I know that my Peeta would never dream of it, but the women weren't brainwashed. They knew of us, what with our role in the games. They knew he wasn't who he was supposed to be, and that he was young. They didn't even know he wasn't a virgin, so for all they cared they were his first. His first of many. What if they weren't protected? What if one of them was carrying his child…? I never let these thoughts eat at my mind before but I was soon eager to erase them. To clear them all away somehow and cleanse my soul as well as his. He was mine and nobody else's and he did not make love to those women, he was forced to give sexual favors and he did not like it. He didn't like it…

The word forced seems to calm my nerves, but only lights them on fire again as I realize what I've told myself. That Peeta being forced to do something is better than doing something he wants. What's become of me?

I take one of his t-shirts and slip it over my head, my mind racing.

"Do you want some cider sweetheart?" he asks, taking my hand and intertwining our fingers, leading me downstairs. I nod.

"That sounds great," I say. He notices my sudden change in mood and hands me the cider with a marshmallow in it, knowing they're my favorite treat.

"So, do you think you're ready to hear about this?" he asks, sitting down by the fire and setting his cup on the coffee table.

"Are you ready to tell it to me?" I retort, still contemplating my answer.

"I think so…it's something you deserve to know, as my partner," he answers, thinking. I wait.

"What happened?" I push, the curiosity getting the best of me.

"Well," he starts, "first of all, they don't give you a choice, so don't think that I'm cheating on you…but in this certain instance, looking back, there was one time I think I did…" he looks at his hands, so I take one of them.

"Tell me what happened," I say softly, stroking his cheek. He smiles and nods.

"I don't know how the system worked, maybe they called a hotline and asked for blond, but at any time of the day or night they would call to my chamber and take me away. I would go either to the woman's home, or the man's, and they would do what they wanted with me. Sometimes though, about 40% of the time I'd go to this one room, with white walls, and a single bed. Nothing else. I'd sit there and wait for the person who'd called for me," he tells me, waiting on my reaction.

"Men?" I question.

"They weren't common, but I've served a few," he says, and surprisingly he doesn't seem so hurt by it, almost like he wants to laugh at it. Like it was a silly dream.

"Anyway," he continues, "there was this one time that I was in my chamber, waiting on supper when they called for me. The light above my door went off which signaled they would fetch me in five minutes and I had that amount of time to finish what I was doing and prepare for the serve, whoever it was." I took my place at his side and held his hand in mine, sipping on my cider and waiting for more of the story. He sighed. "I rinsed off in the shower and soon there was a peacekeeper at my door. I hadn't served anyone else that day and so I was in a relatively good mood, ready to get this over with. The peacekeeper, his name I learned was Sedreck, asked me how I was doing.

'Fine,' I responded.

'I think this one's gunna be a little different for you,' he says. I look at him, curiously.

'How so?' I ask him.

You see, Sedreck was almost like a friend, he would sneak me treats at night when I had gotten a bad review and was refused supper. He cared about my opinions."

"The people would review you?" I ask, astonished. He must've been refused supper a lot in the beginning. I can't imagine he would be so willing at first, despite his brainwashing.

"Yes, and if it was bad then I got no food, and if it was good I was given new clothes. Sometimes though, they didn't even review and nothing changed. Reviewing was optional," he says. "Anyway, Sedreck was off today.

'I don't know Pete, this one's just different.' He leans in and whispers in my ear. 'She can't be older than fifteen.' I stopped and looked at him in amazement.

'Fifteen? Is that even legal?' And all Sedreck does is shrug. He's comfortable with me today, seeing as he's taken off his helmet. He only does that on good days.

'It's been requested you meet her in the white room.' I just stand there. Why would a fifteen year old girl request me? And how on earth could the capital allow that?

'This is a joke right?' I ask Sedreck as we reach the door to the room.

'Nope. Get in there boy, have fun,' he says as he opened the door. He always said that before letting me into the room. Have fun…

So I went into the room and took all of my clothes off like I usually do, setting them in the basket where they belonged. Then I took the pill Sedreck had given me. Viagra, because I can't always have an erection when they want." He stops and waits for my reaction.

"I still don't see how you think you cheated on me, you didn't know," I say.

"Wait, you'll see what I mean," he assures. I start to get an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. He had a point, this girl probably was different, a little girl like that, four years younger…

"Keep going," I remind him. He nods. But I take his face in my hands and kiss his lips, just to remind him it was going to be okay. "I love you."

He grins at me and kisses me back, inhaling deeply before deciding to continue.

"So I sat on the bed and waited for about ten minutes, then the door opened, and in the beginning of it all I would always cover myself, not wanting a stranger to see me naked. But at this point I had grown out of that habit. This girl came in and I was surprised to see she was already naked, and was covering herself. Sedreck stood behind her with another peacekeeper, and his face looked pained. Like he had recently learned something I hadn't. The other peacekeeper pushed the frightened looking girl into the room. She looked back at them desperately as the door closed, and I'll never forget the look on Sedrecks face as it did. She turned to look at me and sunk to the floor, covering her body up in as many places possible. I was so confused, usually the women would not say a word, seeing as I wasn't permitted to speak and couldn't respond. But this girl was already talking.

'Who are you?' she says, her long blond hair hung in her face. It was a very light blond, almost like the sun, nearly white. Katniss, she was beautiful. But she was most definitely a lot younger than me, maybe even fourteen." He looks at me and I wrap my arm around his torso, waiting for him to go on about this girl. "I couldn't say anything to her so I leaned over to the basket and found my discarded shirt, handing it to her. It was about her, anything she wanted. That was my job, please the caller. So she took my shirt and covered her chest with it, pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around them.

'Who are you?' she asks again, reliant on my answer.

'Peeta,' I say. Her eyes are bright blue and her skin tone light. 'Will you be needing assistance?' I ask, gesturing to the bed. She shakes her head and gives me back my shirt, slowly standing and sitting next to me. She just looks at me, waiting, that scared look in her eyes. I wish I had figured it out then…"

"Figured what out?" I asked.

"You'll get it, just listen," he answered. "So I leaned in to her and she layed back against the bed, falling into my movements. I didn't know what to do because I was supposed to be doing what she wanted, but she was giving me no instruction. I've had several other people like this, but they at least knew what they wanted enough to start off themselves. This girl just seemed to wait. So when she layed back I figured she wanted me on top. We were usually given protection, but this time I wasn't handed any. Sometimes the women can request no protection, but that wouldn't impact their sensory to the act so it never happened until now. It was mostly the men who rejected protection.

'Do you want me to be on top, is this fine?' she whispers to me. I don't know what to think because no one has ever asked me what I wanted before. It caught me off guard, and I take a moment to think about it.

'I'll do whatever works for you, miss,' I say. She takes a deep breath and nods.

'This position is fine.' I take the lubrication they've given us and apply it to myself because she doesn't know what steps to take. I'm assuming this is her first time calling in. All of the women I've had are different, and some I've had multiple times, so I knew what to do with them in particular, and others were knew to calling in, some new to just calling in to me. If I did well, sometimes that woman would return to me again in a few days.

Anyway, once everything was ready I started the process. Surprisingly, she put her hands on my neck and kissed me. I hadn't been kissed before, not since I'd last seen you," he pauses, thinking about it. "But I kissed her back, and tried to move into her. But she yelped and pulled away, her eyes closed. I didn't know what I had done wrong but I waited for her to recover anyway.

'Can we please do this under the covers?' she asks. This was also strange, women usually wanted it to be erotic and spontaneous, but this girl seemed like she wanted passionate. Something I hadn't felt in a very long time…"

"Peeta," I say.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Did you know you weren't a virgin while all this happened?" I whispered.

"No…well, kind of. I never knew for sure. But, just listen, I'll explain this," he says, kissing me softly. I twist my fingers in his hair and moan quietly, making my claim. He was mine. When I pulled away he smiled at me and kept talking.

"So we got under the covers and I proceeded to enter her again, and again, she started kissing me. So I kissed her back, but as soon as I got in a little bit she pulled away and started whimpering. I didn't know what I was doing wrong, I had never done it this way before and it was so confusing.

'Sorry, I'm so sorry,' she says, tears starting to form in her eyes. I shook my head, still afraid to speak.

'Don't be sorry,' I tell her. I give her a weak smile. Sedreck was right, this girl was very different. But anyway, it took us nearly ten more minutes but soon I was in about halfway and she was crying softly. I kept trying to stop but she urges me on. She was tight, and when I reached a block I knew what it was. She was a virgin. I suddenly felt an immense amount of pressure to not screw this up. She entrusted me with the act of deflowering her and now I knew it.

'Just do it,' she ordered. I knew what she meant and took a deep breath, getting ready to break it. I was scared, but something in the back of my mind told me it would be okay. She took my face in her hands and kissed me once again, and I took that advantage, pushing in all the way. I had chills running through my body, my spine tingled. I felt a pop and heard a ripping sound, and it startled me so much, what with the pleasure and the feeling, I pulled away and groaned in surprise. She screamed though, and that was the sound that made me realize I'd been too rough. I had never been so scared; I don't know what it was about her that made me so paranoid.

'I'm so sorry!' I told her, trying to pull out but stopping myself. That would only make her pain worse. I had to stay in and wait for her to calm down, and then she could choose if she wanted to continue. She had snuck her arms under mine and around my back, her legs wound around my waist, like a baby monkey," Peeta chuckled, "it made me feel like I had a purpose other than just my body. It was like she was looking at my face too, like I meant something more than just a first time. Like it was me, not just a man. But anyway, she told me to keep going, and so we did, and it took us a half hour to get into it, but we were too people, having sex, not just a man pleasuring a woman. Or should I say, a girl…I still don't know how old she was…

But after almost an hour, she was on top of me, her hands on my chest, and the rhythm ecstatic. She learned to take control after she realized I was willing to whatever. Every so often though she had her hands on my neck, kissing me. She pulled away and looked at me, watching me, like something about my face was crucial.

'Does it feel good?' she asked me. I nod, unsure if that was allowed for me. I knew that nobody like it when I moaned, and you know that it's hard for me not to," he says to me. I laugh.

"That's an understatement," I tell him. I try to keep my cool even though this story was piercing my heart with every line.

"Anyway, at this point, I felt like I was gunna explode. She was so tight and so warm; her lips were so soft, every time she moved I had a feeling of déjà vu. I felt like somehow I'd been here before. I felt myself nearing climax, but that was simply out of the question so I put my hands on her hips and stopped her movement, figuring I should warn her so she can be aware.

'I'm getting a bit close,' I say, trying not to make a sound, and somehow she knows.

'If you are then why aren't you moaning, all you're doing is panting,' she says.

'You would be okay with that?' I make sure. She nods.

'In fact I want you to. I don't want to think that I'm not good,' she says, kissing me again and again."

"You weren't allowed to orgasm?" I ask.

"Never, so I was allowed to get near the edge, but climaxing was out of the question. Which made the protection almost pointless except for infection."

"That's so mean," I whisper. He laughs.

"I know, but its okay," and he takes a sip of his cider, warming his hands by the fire. Outside the snow is stuck to the window, probably five feet up the side of the house. It's been snowing like crazy lately.

"So she kept going, and I let loose, so did she. It was all so familiar but I didn't know where it was coming from. I felt myself nearing that edge again, so of course my voice gave me away.

'Close?' she asked.

'Yes,' I answer, moaning. She smiled at me and I smiled back, actually happy. I didn't want it to end, and that scared me. Because somewhere in my mind I felt like I shouldn't want this. Like I was betraying something, someone. You, but I hadn't known. She kept going anyway, and that warmth, that ecstasy that I felt with you a few minutes ago started to come up. I grabbed the sheets and squeezed my eyes shut, a mix of sounds I can't name spilling out of my mouth. That nagging feel I had the entire time was gone for the time being because I was climaxing for the first time in a long time." Peeta stopped. I waited.

"What happened next?" I asked.

"She kissed me, then Sedreck took her away before I could say goodbye or kiss back."