The gray light of morning was just beginning to creep through the windows when Nathaniel woke up to a stiff leg and a warm body curled up against him. It was the second time in last two days that Nathaniel had woken up to find Eriana's small, warm body beside him, and if he was being perfectly honest with himself, it wasn't exactly a bad thing. It had been rather nice not to wake up alone in a cold, empty bed, and it had been such a long time since he had woken up any other way. Not since… No, best not to let his mind go there. Not now, not when there was nothing that could be done about it anyway. Instead, he turned his attention back to the woman who was currently sharing his bed. The small elf had one arm draped casually across him, a leg interlocked with his uninjured one. Her blonde head was resting lightly on his shoulder, her face turned up toward his, eyes still closed in sleep, cheeks still stained with tears from the previous night.

It had not been an easy night for Eriana. She had tossed and turned for most of the night, occasionally waking for a moment only to cry herself to sleep once again. It was well past midnight before sheer exhaustion pulled her into a deep and moderately peaceful sleep. She never really told him what had upset her so much, but he could put two and two together. He had seen the way Soris had looked at him when Oghren revealed Nathaniel's last name, and he had also seen how quickly Eriana had pulled her cousin away to talk to him in private. It didn't take a Chantry scholar to figure out that the conversation did not go well, judging by the fact that a tearful Eriana stumbled into his room only an hour later. Nathaniel hadn't pushed her for information; he simply carried her to his bed and let her cry, knowing full well that that was all she really needed from him.

Sighing softly to himself, Nathaniel shifted his leg slightly, trying to work the stiffness out of it without moving too much and waking Eriana. But the moment he began to move, the elf made a small sigh and shifted closer to him, wrapping an arm around him and nuzzling her cheek against his chest for a moment before lifting her head to look up at him, her chin resting on his chest. He smiled down at her and gently brushed the hair off her face. "Hey you," he said, smiling down at her. "You feeling better this morning?"

The blonde elf grunted and flopped her head back down, "Not really."

Nathaniel ran his hand up and down her back, pulling her closer in the process, trying to ignore the effect her warm body was having on him. "Why not," he asked, trying to focus on the top of her head, "didn't you sleep well?"

Eriana shrugged her shoulders, "I probably slept better than I would have had I been alone, that's for sure, but that's not saying much. Had I been by myself, I probably wouldn't have slept at all." She sighed and rolled away from him so she could look back up at him. "I guess it's a good thing I snuck in here, or I would have been in no shape to head out this morning."

"You know you can always delay your departure for another day; I would probably be well enough to head out with you if you left tomorrow. Why don't I just run down stairs and tell everyone you got sick and need a day off? How's that sound?"

Eriana grinned, "Nice try, Nathaniel, but we're still leaving today. And you are going to stay here and concentrate on getting better, understood?"

"Yeah, yeah, I understand," he said with a disappointed sigh as he propped himself up on an elbow and looked down at her. "So does that mean you're leaving me now to get ready?"

Eriana glanced back at the window behind them and groaned. "I probably need to, but I'm sure Soris is in my room, waiting for me, and I would really rather not talk to him." She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, sinking back into the pillow. "In fact," she said, looking up at him, "I'd rather not talk to anyone until we leave. Well, anyone but you, of course."

Nathaniel grinned down at her. "I think I can arrange that," he said, crawling out of the bed. "Just give me a second, okay." He tucked the blankets around her and turned to walk away. Hesitating a moment, he turned back to the young woman who was looking up at him, an intrigued look on her face. He smiled down at her and sat back down on the edge of the bed, pushing the short loose strands of blonde hair back off her face as he leaned over her. "I'll be right back," he said, looking down at her for a moment before giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. She blinked up at him, a surprised look on face. For a moment Nathaniel was afraid he crossed a line until she smiled up at him.

"Okay," she muttered, turning her head back into his pillow and pulling the blankets around her. "I'll just be waiting here then, where it's nice and warm." Nathaniel laughed and pulled on a pair of boots. He spared one final glance back toward his bed and the young woman who he was pretty sure had fallen back asleep before disappearing out into the hallway.

-0-

Eriana waited until she heard the door shut behind Nathaniel before she sat up and began to take stock in the situation. This was the second time she had come to Nathaniel in a moment of weakness; the second time he had been the one to comfort her, to chase away the demons that were plaguing her; to stop the raging fire that was burning inside her.

Groaning, she wrapped her arms around Nathaniel's pillow, pulling it to her face and breathing in his unique smell. The first time she turned to him, she had no other choice; he was the only person in Amaranthine when she had her first major break down. This time, the argument about him nearly triggered a second breakdown, so it was only natural that she come to him for comfort. At least that's what she was telling herself.

Without meaning to, her mind went back to the conversation, no, the argument she and Soris had the previous evening. If she was being perfectly honest with herself, she couldn't exactly blame her cousin for his blow up. He had every right to be upset about her allowing Nathaniel to join the Wardens, and she really should have told him the moment he arrived at the keep who Nathaniel really was. It just honestly slipped her mind, and Soris always had a tendency to be brutally honest when he had her best interest at heart. He had just never been so…well, harsh before, but all of that, she could have handled if he hadn't crossed that line, if he hadn't mentioned Zevran. Not only had he mentioned Zevran, he mentioned his leaving, the only taboo subject in the Keep, the one thing that no one ever mentioned. That was what sent her running for Nathaniel's room; that was what plunged her into nightmare after nightmare where she was chasing after Zevran as he walked out on her again and again; that was what left her feeling so empty and broken inside.

Sighing to herself, she rolled over and pulled her knees up to her chest, trying desperately to push down the pain that was gnawing at her chest. Why was it that every time things started to look better for her, every time she finally felt like she was getting a handle on things, something would happen to destroy her once again? She felt like she was standing in the midst of a violent ocean, being crushed by wave upon wave, struggling to get back on her feet only to be knocked down again. Would this pain ever end? No, not likely, not without some kind of closure. Until she had closure, this hurt she was feeling would likely remain a gaping wound, torn open again and again by the smallest things. She was tired of hurting, tired of trying, tired of feeling worthless and unloved, and just tired. It was all wearing her down. Closing her eyes, she pulled Nathaniel's pillow to her face and tried to focus on the positive things in her life, but how can you see the light amid so much darkness? How can you stand alone amid all this pain?

But she wasn't alone; there were people there on whom she could depend, people she could trust, people who would be there for her. Just then, Eriana felt the bed beside her move as Nathaniel crawled back into it, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to his shirtless chest. His breath was warm on the back of her neck as he snuggled up against her. She breathed deeply, drawing in the warm, musky smell of him, the security and comfort she felt as his arms wrapped around her. Sighing contentedly, she turned over to face him, his stormy blue eyes piercing through her, and without a second thought, she pulled his face down to hers. For a moment, she was afraid that he would hesitate, that her kiss might be met with some resistance, but the moment their lips touched, she felt his arms tighten around her, drawing her body against his as his mouth hungrily devoured hers. Her lips parted as they both deepened the kiss, and as his ministrations became more desperate and passionate, Eriana felt all the pain of the last few months melt away.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Eriana felt Nathaniel shift, rolling them over in the bed so that he was on top of her, his long black hair framing his face as he gazed down at her. He seemed to inspect her for a moment, drinking in the sight of her before smiling and lowering himself on top of her. His hand began to work its way down her side, barely caressing her the side of her breast as it moved down to the hem of her tunic. Skilled and calloused hands began to move across the skin of her stomach, leaving a trail of fire behind as they worked their way up to her breast band, removing it with ease. Her hands too had begun to move, traveling across his bare, muscular shoulders. She hitched a leg around his hip, drawing him closer, feeling the hardness of his length as he pressed against her. It was almost too much for her to bear. After months of being alone, to be this close to a man again, to feel his desire and passion for her, it was nearly overwhelming. She thrust her hips against him, eliciting a delicious moan from him as he began to leave a trail of kisses down her neck and up to her ear. It was her turn to moan as his tongue licked over the tip of her ear, causing her entire body to reel in pleasure.

Eriana opened her eyes to look up at him, his eyes dark with desire. Once more, his lips were on hers, nibbling, suckling, and caressing them somehow all at the same time. She was dizzy with anticipation when he finally slipped one hand beneath the hem of her trousers, moving down with practiced precision to her warm, wet center. Skilled fingers found her nub and began caressing it, sending wave upon wave of pleasure through her body. She groaned and thrust up against him, eager for him to bring her to her satisfaction, eager for that warm, contented feeling to wash over her. She reached for him, desperate to touch him, to feel him inside her, but he deftly moved out of the way.

"Let go, Ana, just let go. Let me do this for you," Nathaniel whispered into her ear. Who was she to argue? Letting go of all her inhibitions, she turned herself over, completely giving into the rogue's practiced hand, letting him carry her over the edge. Trembling against him, she gasped his name as the waves of pleasure washed over her, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked up at Nathaniel as he grinned down at her. Wrapping her arms around the rogue's neck, Eriana pulled him close to her, savoring the feel of his body against hers. "Nathaniel, please, I need you…"

He tilted his head and looked down at her. "Are you sure," he whispered, gently stroking her cheek. "We don't have to rush into anything you're not ready for just yet."

Eriana pulled Nathaniel's face down to hers capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. She felt his arms snake around her, pulling his body to hers as he deepened the kiss; it was all the reassurance she needed. Moving slowly and methodically, Eriana's hands danced down his chest to his waistband, gently easing his trousers down over his hips, listening as he moaned in her ear as her hand brushed against his length. Apparently, she was moving too slowly for him because he hastily reached down, pulling his breeches off and throwing them to floor before positioning himself between her legs. She felt him brush against her, and then, for a moment, he seemed to hesitate, so Eriana took charge, thrusting her hips up to meet him. Their moans filled the room as he eased slowly into her, filling her more fully than she imagined possible.

Eriana threw her head back, moaning Nathaniel's name as he began to move with her, slowly and gently at first, then with increasing urgency. She could feel the fire building in her as he once again drove her to the edge of pure pleasure. Just as she was beginning to feel her climax building, Nathaniel suddenly stopped. Crying out in frustration, she opened her eyes to look at him.

"Ana, are you okay?"

"Wha?" she muttered, looking up into his concerned ice blue eyes, completely confused. "Of course I'm okay, what are you doing?"

"Ana, sweetie, you need to wake up…"

-0-

Nathaniel made his way up to his quarters, a tray of food in hand. He had hoped that Eriana would go back to sleep while he was out, so he had taken his time getting back to the room. First, he had stopped to see Vanessa, Eriana's handmaiden, to see if she could pack her travel pack for her and collect the commander's armor and weapons. As he passed Eriana's quarters, he hazarded a peek into the room, and sure enough, Soris was in there waiting for her, asleep on the couch. "Serves him right," Nathaniel muttered to himself, closing the door silently and making his way down to the larder. Luckily, the kitchens were relatively empty, so no one saw him collecting a huge amount of food and disappearing back upstairs.

Nathaniel could hear her moaning the moment he entered his room, so he put the tray of food on a small table and raced to the back room. There he found the small elf, thrashing around on the bed, groaning in her sleep. Needless to say, he was afraid she was in the middle of one of her Zevran or darkspawn nightmares. Rushing to her side, Nathaniel nudged her, gently urging her to wake up, but careful not to startle her too much, she tended to lash out when she was startled out of sleep. She began to mutter, tossing and turning a bit before she sat straight up, her eyes darting around to room. When she finally seemed to register his presence, a strange, almost embarrassed look crossed her face and for some reason, she actually started to blush.

"No need to be embarrassed, we all have nightmares here from time to time. So what was this one, darkspawn of Zevran?"

Eriana looked down, biting her bottom lip. "Um, neither. It wasn't exactly a nightmare, per say. It was…well, it was just a dream."

"Oh," Nathaniel said, glancing down at her for a moment before he realized what she was saying. A big grin crossed his face. "Oooohhhh, one of those dreams then? So, who was it this time, another Anders the pirate mage dream? Please tell me he turned into the Architect again this time?"

Eriana groaned and buried her head in his pillow. "I am so not talking about this, so you can just forget it," she muttered, her voice muffled by the pillow.

"Keeping your own personal wizard fantasy a secret, huh? Okay, then." She kind of snarled at him, keeping her head buried in the pillow. Nathaniel laughed, getting up and heading over to the fire. "Well, since you won't tell me, I guess I'll just have to use my imagination then," he said with a laugh as he placed a tea kettle over the fire. "Whenever you're done fantasizing about your blonde-headed mage, you can come over here and help yourself to some breakfast."

Eriana's head popped up, "You brought me breakfast?"

Nathaniel nodded, "Yep, there's some fruit, some bread and cheese, and a bit of salted pork, nothing too heavy. If you can wait a few minutes, I'll have some tea ready for you too. And in about an hour, Vanessa will be by with your armor, weapons, and travel pack. I told you I'd take care of things, didn't I."

Eriana grinned, sitting down at the table and looking up at him. "You're too good to me, Nathaniel," she said picking at the food in front of her, the strange look still on her face. She sat there eating for a while, watching as Nathaniel made her a cup of tea and come to sit next to her on the sofa.

"So," Nathaniel said, breaking the silence, "since you don't feel like telling me about your dream, would you like to talk about what happened last night?"

Eriana sighed, taking a long drink of her tea. "Yeah, last night was a rough one."

"Yes, I was there, remember?"

She grinned, "You're always there for me, Nate." She drew her feet up on the couch, tucking them beneath her as she turned to face the human. "Well, as you probably realized, Soris wasn't exactly thrilled when he found out who you are."

"That seems like a bit of an understatement, but yeah, I kind of gathered that. So, what's his problem with me anyway? I don't remember ever doing anything to him."

"It wasn't you so much as it is your kind." Nathaniel looked down at her, eyebrow raised. "Humans. Especially male noble humans. Our family as a rather unpleasant history with the nobility, and I guess it's made him a bit uneasy around nobles."

Nathaniel glanced down at her, "Why; what happened?"

"Did you happen to know Vaughan Urien, the Arl of Denerim's son?"

Nathaniel nodded, "Yeah, I knew him; that guy was a real piece of work. I never felt comfortable leaving Delilah around him unsupervised. He always seemed rather sleazy to me."

"Talk about an understatement," Eriana muttered under her breath. "But, yeah, that about describes him. He liked to treat the alienage like it was his own personal brothel; he always saw us as second-class citizens who he could use for his own pleasure whether we were willing or not."

"Did he ever…"

"Yeah, several times in fact, he kind of took a liking to me when I was rather young, but Soris never really knew about that." Nathaniel flinched at her casual dismissal of what was sure to have been a traumatic experience. "No, Soris's issues with Vaughan started much later, on our wedding day."

Nathaniel sat in rapt silence, listening as Eriana recounted the events surrounding her abduction and subsequent rescue. As if that weren't enough, she went on to tell how his father and Loghain had sold her neighbors and relatives into slavery. No wonder he hated nobles; he was beginning to wonder how Eriana could stand them after all that.

"So what did he say, then that upset you so much? It sounds like you weren't surprised at his reaction."

"Hum, let's see. Well, first he accused me of sleeping with you, which, I guess, is technically true, at least it was last night," she said with a grin.

Nathaniel shrugged, "Ah, that was only a recent development though."

Eriana chuckled. "True, then he called me a slut, no wait, a stupid slut, and insinuated that it was only a matter of time before I tried to screw you and probably the rest of the arling."

"Maker's breath," Nathaniel growled, "and to think, we brought him here to make you feel better. Want me to ship his worthless ass back to Denerim before you get back?"

Eriana giggled, "No, in fact, that part wasn't what really upset me. Soris can get that way when he gets really steamed; I can't say I wasn't expecting it, really. It was what he said next." She sighed and pulled her legs up to her chest. "When I tried to tell him that I could trust you, he pointed out the fact that the last guy I said that about ran off for Antiva and left me behind."

Nathaniel sighed and rolled his eyes. "He really is an idiot then. What in Thedas was he thinking? Andraste's ass, when I get a hold of him…"

"Nathaniel, don't," Eriana said, putting a light hand on his arm. "Look, if I know him, and I think I do, he already feels awful about this. My leaving without saying goodbye to him will be punishment enough. He knows he stepped in it, so there's no reason for either of us to say anything."

"Can I at least glare at him menacingly, then?"

Eriana laughed, "You and Oghren both, I expect him to be good an uncomfortable by the time I get back from that Maker-forsaken swamp, got it?"

"Now, that, I think I can do."

-0-

Nathaniel stood on the battlements a few hours later, watching as his Commander and her party left the keep for the Black Marshes. The moment she set foot outside the keep's gates, the white wolf that had been helping them the other night ran up beside her, barking happily and bouncing around her. The small elven woman knelt down to pet the animal before picking up her back and motioning for the other Wardens to move out. Glancing up over her shoulder, her eyes fell on Nathaniel, giving him a smile and a wave as they turned to leave. They hadn't made it more than twenty paces before Anders was at her side, talking happily and smiling down at her. Nathaniel stifled a laugh, without him there to fend the mage off, Anders wasn't wasting any time moving in on their lovely elven leader. Nathaniel stood there watching them until they disappeared from sight.

Sighing, he turned to head back into the keep and was unsurprised to find Soris waiting for him in the main hall. "So," the elf said, boldly walking up to him, "you were with her last night. I looked everywhere for her and asked everyone I saw if they had seen her, and no one seemed willing to tell me anything. You were the only person missing all night. I know you were with her, so don't even try to deny it."

Nathaniel crossed his arms and looked down at the elf, "I wasn't going to. She was in my room all night. Now, if you'll excuse me…"

"Not so fast," Soris said, stepping in front of him. "We're going to have a talk about this."

"Look, Soris, Eriana asked me not to confront you about this issue, and out of respect for her, I ask you to let me pass. I'd rather not go against her wishes, but if you insist on pushing this, then I guess she'll have to deal with both of us when she gets back." Nathaniel turned to move away from the elf, but Soris caught him by the arm.

"Not if this stays between us. Now, I know she's a grown woman and a great hero and what not, but she's still my family, and I just want what's best for her."

"And what's best for her includes calling her a slut and bringing up the one thing that hurts her more than anything else?" Nathaniel shouted, rounding on the elf, fury building inside of him. "Maker's breath, Soris, Oghren and I convinced Eriana to keep you here to help her, not to make her feel worse. I guess we should have pointed out the obvious; don't talk about Zevran." He shook his head and pulled his arm out of the elf's hand. "Perhaps next time you feel the urge to point out her failures to her and bring up the things that hurt her, maybe you should try to keep it to yourself." Nathaniel brushed past him and stormed out of the main hall, hoping to put some distance between the two of them.

Soris wasn't so easily dissuaded. Chasing him through the keep, Soris again caught the rogue by the arm. This time, though, Nathaniel didn't take it so lightly. Jerking his arm away, Nathaniel glared down at the elf, "Touch me again, and I swear by the Maker, there won't be anything for you cousin to work out when she gets back, got it?"

Soris's eyes narrowed. "I'm not afraid of you Howe; I just want to know one thing. What are you intentions with my cousin?"

Nathaniel rolled his eyes. "I have no intentions with your cousin."

"Bull shit," Soris snapped. "You're a human man; your kind always has intentions."

"Well I don't. Now, if you'll excuse me…"

"Then why are you so close to her, huh? Why is it that she came to you last night and not Oghren, who she's known longer, who I know she trusts? I'm not blind and stupid, you know. There's something more here, and I want to know what."

Nathaniel sighed and glared down at the man. "I have great respect for Eriana, okay. She gave me a second chance when most people would have just killed me and moved on with their lives. Then she trusted me when I gave her no reason to believe in me. I owe her my life. Not only did she spare me, but she gave me a purpose. That's why I'm so close to her, okay. That's why I care what happens to her."

The anger in Soris's eyes seemed to fade a bit, but he still didn't seem to trust the rogue. "That still doesn't explain why she came to you, though."

"Well, she couldn't very well come to you, now could she?"

Soris sighed, "True, you have a point there."

"Besides, I had already seen that side of your cousin. I had been there for one of her breakdowns in the past when she believed that Zevran had returned to Ferelden. She lost it when she realized it wasn't him, and I was there to comfort her. I suppose she felt comfortable coming to me this time. But it we're being perfectly honest here, Soris, I don't think she wants to come to me at all when she feels like that. That's why Oghren and I wanted you to stay."

Soris glanced up at him, "What do you mean?"

"Well, just look at things from her perspective. She's been thrust into this position as the Warden Commander just on the merit of what she did during the Blight. Now, all of a sudden, she is in command of an arling and a company of fighting men when only two years ago she was serving drinks at the tavern. She doesn't feel ready for this position, but she can't exactly turn it down. So what does she do? She tries to be perfect in every way, to prove that she is worthy of all this trust people are putting in her. That makes it hard for her to talk about what she's feeling, so she keeps it all in, letting all the pain and frustration build until it gets to be too much. When that happens, she breaks down completely."

"And that's where you swoop in, then?"

Nathaniel growled, "No, no swooping here. Maker's breath, this isn't about me, it's about her. When will you get it through that thick head of yours? I'm not taking advantage of her. I'm not that kind of man." Nathaniel crossed his arms and took a deep breath, trying to settle his anger. "You know Soris; it's not that I mind talking to her when she's upset; it doesn't bother me. But it does bother her, a lot. She hates herself when she breaks down around me, or Oghren, or any of the other Wardens because she thinks we'll see it as a weakness, and she can't afford to be weak, not even around us. Don't you see? She hold all this pain and emotion in until she can't take it then she feels guilty because she needs to rely on someone when all she wants to do is be strong for us. Every time she cries around me, she feels like a failure. That why she needs you, and what do you do? You get her all upset and send her crying right back to me, which is the last thing she needs. She needs to be strong and independent around us; not for us, but for herself."

Soris's face dropped. "I'm such an ass." Nathaniel stayed quiet, but nodded in agreement. "So there's nothing between you two?"

"No, Soris, nothing. She's still hurting over Zevran, and a new relationship is the last thing she needs right now. It would just hurt and confuse her more, and believe me, that's the last thing I want for someone who has done so much for me." Nathaniel chuckled. "You know, if you're worried about someone chasing her, then it's really not me you should be eyeballing. It's the mage."

"Anders? He has a thing for her?"

Nathaniel laughed, "Have you seen them together? She saved him too, you know. He's head over heels for her. Not to mention, he's got a way with her; somehow, he can always cheer her up. It probably doesn't hurt that he follows her around like a mabrai follows a meet truck. I would be willing to bet that without me there to shield her from him, Anders might be making a move on her as we speak."

Soris looked nervous, "Do you think he has a chance?"

Nathaniel shrugged as if it didn't bother him. "I don't know. Like I said, he's good with her, and according to Oghren, he shares a lot of Zevran's more attractive qualities. Who knows, a good flop might do her some good." Soris stiffened and turned away, eliciting a laugh from the rogue. "Are we good, now?"

"Yeah, we're good," Soris said, extending his hand toward Nathaniel. The rogue smiled and clasped his forearm in a warrior's shake. "You know, Howe, you're alright for a nobleman."

"Yeah, I know. I guess that why my father always said that I would never be a very good Arl." Nathaniel released the elf's arm. "Just talk to her when she gets back. I know you mean well, but she's really hurting right now. And while she tries to hide it behind duty and hard work, this thing with Zevran is slowly tearing her apart. Just be careful, okay." Nathaniel turned to walk away. "And, Soris, if you ever send her to me in a state like that again, I don't care what she says, I'm sipping your ass back to Denerim. Am I making myself clear?"

Soris gulped and nodded in agreement. "Crystal."

-0-

So sorry about the longer than usual delay. Dragon Age 2 has kind of been consuming my free time here lately (and I'm sure many of you are in the same boat). Not to worry, I'm planning on finishing this story; the muse has not gone away (though Hawke stories have started bouncing around in my head).

As usual, a special thank you to everyone who took the time to review. GriffinGuts, Kainen, Eva Galana, and Judy. Your reviews mean the world to me.