14: Sexay!
A week later:
It's sex-ed week in glee club… Which is really weird and I have no idea how it's allowed. But still, it sounds fun and Ms Holliday is back! She's great and she likes listening to my ideas. I'm shocked as to how little some of the guys here know about sex… I mean, Ireland is fairly conservative when it comes to sex, but I just found out everything I needed to know online… Mercedes and Finn thought you could get AIDS from a cucumber… What the fuck? Besides that, Regional's is on next week so we have to practise for that as well.
Anyways, so this week I've decided to try and get more confident. Everything that happened with Sam and Blaine last week has made me realise that I can't be this sad, single guy anymore. I am gonna try and be more confident (without needing to get drunk) and more happy with myself. In order to do so, I need to up my sex appeal. I've been working on a 'sexy' song; a mashup of Girls Aloud's 'Fix Me Up' and Sugababe's 'Freak Like Me'. The key to being sexy in my eyes is confidence, and what better way to gain some than by doing a sexy song and dance. I'm not brave enough to do it in front the glee club, but I will do it in front of just one; Blaine. If I've learned anything from these past few months, it's that Blaine is (insanely cute/sexy/confident/great kisser, he's got the whole package, and from what I remember of the night we kissed, I mean that literally!) someone that you can not only confide in, but also someone who won't judge. I know Puck and Sugar wouldn't judge either, but something is telling me to show Blaine. I dunno why. He is attractive, maybe looking at someone sexy will make me pull off a sexy dance more? Maybe…
/
Blaine walked in to the empty choir room looking slightly confused.
"Hey, is everything ok? Your text was kinda cryptic. What do you wanna show me?" He asked as he sat down next to me.
"Um, well since our talk last week, I've been thinking about what I said and I realised that if I don't act on it, the whole thing will just pass me by" I said before pausing. Blaine sat up a little straighter and his eyes widened slightly.
"Oh, what part are you talking about exactly" He asked.
"Y'know when I was saying that I'm single and I don't want to be sad and I actually want to meet someone and see where things go."
Again, his eyes widened a little more.
I continued. "Well I've been thinking that in order to do that, I need to become more confident. Since it's sex-ed week, I thought I'd actually try and up my sex appeal, something that should hopefully help with my confidence. And that's where you come in; I wanna do a little performance and see what you think" I said smiling.
He looked slightly confused, possibly disappointed, for a moment before smiling and saying "Take it Away".
Fix Me Up/Freak Like Me
I start at the centre of the room, looking at Blaine and moving seductively.
Oh, sex me up
Cause I'm feeling like I want you now
Oh, baby, come sex me up
Cause I'm feeling like I want you
I unzip my hoodie before slowly taking it off and throwing it to the side.
Let me lay it on the line
I got a little freakiness inside
And you know that a man has gotta deal with it
I don't care what they say
I'm not gonna pay nobody's way
'Cause it's all about the dark in me (mmm)
I kick a chair to the centre of the room before grabbing Blaine's hand and leading him to the chair.
I want a freak in the morning
Freak in the evening
Just like me
I need a rough neck brother that can satisfy me
Just for me
If you are that kind of man
'Cause I'm that kind of guy
I've gotta freaky secret everybody sing
'Cause we don't give a damn about a thing
I slowly dance around Blaine before moving in close, our eyes connect for a few moments before I move away again.
'Cause I will be a freak until the day
Until the dawn
And we can (uh, uh) all through the night
To the early morn
Come on and we'll take you around the hood
On a gangster lift
'Cause we can (uh, uh) any time of day
It's all good for me
Oh, sex me up (oh oh)
Cause I'm feeling like I want you (duh)
Oh, baby, come sex me up (oh oh)
Cause I'm feeling like I want you (duh)
I move over the chairs and lie down on a set of three, before raising my legs up into the air.
I've got the bug
Feverish in the morning
Night and noon and evening
Yo, baby babe
Come give me all
The medicine I'm needing
Gonna sure cure this bug
All night (oh oh)
Getting heated (aggravated)
All night (oh oh)
Sending sweeties, just can't eat it
Oh, no (oh oh)
Didn't mean it (Dip in now)
So long (oh oh)
This energy goes on and on
What the fuck are you doing? You're embarrassing yourself! You're not sexy! You couldn't pull this off in a million years.
No, stop! Keep going!
'Cause I will be a freak until the day
Until the dawn
And we can (uh, uh) all through the night
To the early morn
Come on and we'll take you around the hood
On a gangster lift
'Cause we can (uh, uh) any time of day
It's all good for me
I moved back towards Blaine and began to lift my shirt up, before hesitating and dropping it quickly.
Yo, baby, fix me up
In the middle of the morning evening
Oh, baby, fix me up
You gotta heal me, all my sexual healing
Oh, fix me up (woo!)
Gotta give me some rubbing down and all of my squeezing
Oh, baby, fix me up (ooh!)
I want my healing (ooh ooh!)
I want a freak in the morning
Freak in the evening
Just like me
I need a rough neck brother that can satisfy me
Just for me
Oh, baby, come sex me up
Oh, baby, come sex me up (oh, oh)
We stood in silence for a moment. Blaine's face was unreadable.
"Oh my god… What did I just do? I must have looked like a fucking tool. I can't pull that off! Shit, I'm sorry I made you watch that. Please don't tell anyone." I said before running out of the room.
"Wait, Ryan! Don't go!" I heard Blaine shouting from the room, but I kept running.
You just completely fucking embarrassed yourself, well done Ryan, ya idjit.
/
A few hours later:
I was sitting on my bed trying to drown my sorrows by listening to depressing songs when I heard the doorbell rang.
"Ryanie, it's Blaine!" My mam shouted up.
Shit, now I have to relive it again.
A few moments later and Blaine walked slowly into my room.
"Hey" I said softly.
"Hey, you left your jumper in the choir room today, I thought Ii'd bring it over" He said before sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"Oh thanks, I didn't even realise I forgot it… Listen, I'm sorry about earlier… I embarrassed myself. I just don't have the confidence to pull off something like that. I need to start slower" I said sadly as I propped myself up and sat beside him.
"Ryan, why do you doubt yourself so much?" He asked.
"I don't look like you, or Puck, or Sam, or any of the guys. I'm not like you. I'm not in perfect shape. I don't have a gorgeous face. I'm supremely average, and my mind never lets me forget" I said as I looked down at my feet before looking up at Blaine again.
He looked at me for a moment before leaning in and kissing me, hard. He raised his hand and held my cheek before letting go softly. It feels weird to pull apart… Can he do that again?
"That's all I could think about doing while you were singing that song today. And the only reason I didn't run after you was because I couldn't, if you catch my drift. You are sexy Ryan, and you need to accept that" he said before standing up and buttoning up his coat.
"I have to go; I've got homework to do. I'll see you tomorrow. Don't forget what I said" He before walking out of the room.
What just happened?
/
My bedroom:
A few days have passed by. I'm still trying to understand what happened the other night with Blaine. It's made me question things to say the least. I haven't mentioned it since. Neither has he. We're just going on as normal, which is the way it will hopefully stay until I can figure all of this out myself.
I heard the doorbell ring. I walked downstairs and opened the door to find a puffy-eyed Santana looking back at me.
"Santana, hey, what's wrong?" I asked, looking worried.
"Can we go talk somewhere… private?" She asked.
"Uh, sure, you wanna go upstairs or do you wanna drive us somewhere?" I asked.
"I'll drive".
/
We parked at a walmart car park shortly after.
"So what's wrong?" I asked her.
"I told her how I felt. I laid it all on the line and she threw it back in my face. She can't be with me because she loves Artie too" She said coldly, then angrily.
"Is that what your song with Ms Holliday was about?" I asked her.
"Yeah, like I said, I laid it all on the line for her" She said.
"She remained silent for a moment before bursting into tears.
I leaned over and hugged her.
"I love her! I told her that I love her and it didn't matter! How can she pick him over me? I don't want any guy, I want her" She sobbed.
"Santana, calm down. It's ok… I'm so sorry that this hasn't turned out the way it hoped… But this is a step in the right direction. You've accepted who you are and who you love. Don't give up on her. But still, right now, maybe it's not your time. But that doesn't mean it never will be. Britt clearly loves you too. Just give it time, ok? I know it's not what you want to hear… But just know that I'm here and so are the others too." I said.
"Thanks Ryan." She said before beginning to cry again.
"Maybe we should join celibacy club. Forget about relationships for a while, and just focus on ourselves." I mumbled quietly.
I sat there consoling her for another hour before she drove home, still heartbroken and overwhelmed with it all.
/
A week later:
"My husband is verbally abusive and I have been drinking since noon… I'm bored let's just see who won, huh" The announcer called out as we all stood nervously on stage.
I waved quickly to Kurt with the Warblers before returning my attention to the announcer.
"The New Directions! You're going to Nationals in New York!" She exclaimed.
We all cheered and began jumping p and down with both shock and excitement.
We're going to New York! I've always dreamed of going there. This is amazing!
I couldn't help but look over at Blaine, who was in between Puck and Sugar; all three jumping up and down in ecstasy.
He really is gorgeous… How have I never noticed how cute his smile is? His whole face in general, actually. Wow… wow. I wanna go over there and kiss him right now.
/
A few hours later:
Sugar's party is in full swing. For the first time at our celebratory paties, no one is drunk, since we all promised Mr Schue we wouldn't after the TiK ToK fiasco. But we don't need it! We're all just so excited to be going to New York!
As we were dancing I moved over to Blaine.
"Hey, can we talk for a sec?" I whispered.
He nodded and followed me out of the room and up the stairs our room.
"Can you believe it? New York! I'm so excited, I've dreamed of going there since I was little!" He said, unable to hide the smile from his face.
I closed the door behind us before rushing over and kissing Blaine. I caught him off guard and he slipped and banged his tooth into my lip. I started to bleed slightly.
"Shit! Ryan I'm sorry!" He said, eyes widening as he began to panic.
"Don't worry, calm down. It's just a cut" I said before bursting out laughing. Blaine's laughter followed.
"That wasn't as smooth as I thought it would be!" I said as I plonked down onto the bed, motioning for him to sit down beside me.
After a few moments the laughter died down I looked at Blaine.
"So I've been thinking, for the last while, since Valentines… I've had these feelings… Feelings that confused me, cause they weren't for Sam. They were bubbling under the surface for ages and it's slowly been creeping out. But I didn't actually realise it until last week, when you kissed me again, sober. I like you Blaine" I said softly.
He paused for a moment before smiling a little.
"I like you too… I have since Valentines." He said, looking really happy.
I smiled again before beginning to frown.
"What's wrong?" He asked, looking worried.
I looked up at him and took his hand in mine.
"I'm afraid… I like you. But I don't think I can be with you. You're one of my best friends and I don't want to ruin that. I lost Sam. We can barely speak to each other, it's too hard. I can't lose you too" I said sadly.
"But I would never do that to you! I really like you Ryan. I would never hurt you the Sam did!" He said slightly angrily.
"I never thought Sam would do that to me. People change. Circumstances change. Things happen to make people do things they don't want to… I don't think this is a good idea. I don't want to lose you" I said sadly.
"I'd never hurt you Ryan! And just because you're not speaking to Sam now, doesn't mean you never will! Look at Kurt and I, we're friends again now after you talked to him at Rachel's party!" He said.
"That's true… Blaine, I really dunno… You're sucking amazing and I'd be lucky to have you… But I just don't think I can do this… I want to but I'm afraid… Look, can you give me some time? I can try and figure this out. I don't expect you to wait for me… But I need some time to decide" I said.
"I understand. Take all the time you need. I'll wait. I promise" He said, before kissing me softly on the cheek, standing up and walking out of the room.
/
A/N:
I'm back! I'm really sorry it took so long to upload this. After my exams finished on Tuesday I got sick, so I've been in bed for the last few days. I had no energy to do anything. But I'm back now and have time to write again!
Again, I'm really sorry for taking so long!
Here are two chapters to make up for it! :)