On some level, Eriana was somewhat glad that Nathaniel couldn't accompany them on the trip to the Black Marshes. Not that she didn't miss the rogue; far from it actually. Nathaniel's absence left a sudden and unexpected void, a fact that didn't honestly surprise her. The human rogue had been a constant presence at her side since he underwent his Joining, a fact that wasn't lost on the young elf. He was a far better archer than she was, so tactically, he fit into her fighting scheme with ease, she just took over the role Zevran used to fill, fighting alongside Oghren in melee combat. Nataniel also shared many of Zevran's skills when it came to stealth, so she could rely on him to back her up whenever the situation called for a more discreet, practiced hand. On top of all that, he had become her most trusted friend and advisor, an ironic development, considering the circumstances of their first meeting, but, considering Eriana's history with people who were trying to kill her, it was no real surprise. Until recently, she had believed that her feelings toward him had been completely platonic. Well, she believed that until she had the very intimate dream about him; now Eriana wasn't sure exactly how she felt. The dream had been, well, if she was being completely honest with herself, it had been pleasant. No, it was more than pleasant; the dream had been down-right wonderful. For the first time in weeks, she had woken up felling secure, well-rested, and relaxed, and the possible implications of those feelings did not escape the elf. It confused her more than anything. She didn't have romantic feelings toward the human; at least, she didn't think so. But if she didn't, why was she reaming about sleeping with him?

It was good then, that Nathaniel couldn't join them; it gave her time to try to sort out these feelings. Were they genuine feelings of affection or was her subconscious simply creating a Zevran surrogate out of the next available male? Perhaps it was the later; after all, she had spent the entire night dreaming about Zevran's disappearance and had woken up in Nathaniel's bed. After he slipped out, she had fallen back asleep, surrounded by his smell, the feel of his arms still around her. She needed to fell love, to feel adored; it was only natural that she dream of Nathaniel filling that need, right? That's what she was telling herself anyway. Maybe Eriana didn't want to admit the possibility that she might be developing true feelings for the human; she really didn't believe that she was ready for that just yet. The hurt from Zevran's betrayal was still too raw.

That was what she thought anyway when the Wardens stopped just outside the Black Marshes to make camp. After a quick dinner, Eriana slipped into her tent, trying to get some sleep before she had to get up for the second watch shift. Much to her surprise, once again, her dreams found her in the arms of a man other than Zevran, but it wasn't Nathaniel this time who was slipping into her bed. Instead, much to her surprise, it was Anders kissing, adoring, and making love to her. And, much to her dismay, it didn't stop there. Over the next three nights, Eriana's seemed to dream of little else. After the first two nights the regular appearances of Nathaniel and Anders (both of them by themselves, of course) didn't seem to satisfy her subconscious any longer, so the next night, Alistair joined her in her dreams, then Aedan Cousland the following night. Well, Aedan actually joined her and Anders, but there was no way she was going to try to sort out the meaning of that particular dream. Oddly enough, though, Zevran never made an appearance. She couldn't figure it out; she never had these kinds of dreams? What was triggering them now? It was all becoming way too confusing for her.

It wasn't that she didn't enjoy them; as a matter of fact, she was enjoying the dreams very much. It was a nice change of pace from the usual darkspawn and Zevran nightmares. Somehow, they always left her feeling…well, satisfied, on an emotional level, at least. But they did, however, have one rather major side effect. Regardless of how satisfied she felt mentally and emotionally, she was waking up more and more frustrated physically. It was like a gnawing hunger was building in her. Frustrated, Eriana tried to work out these new feelings. Perhaps being involved with Zevran had changed her more than she realized, made her into a much more carnal, desire-driven creature because these feelings were so unlike her. She even considered once or twice asking Anders how you could tell if you were possessed by a desire demon. There was nothing, though, that she could do about it. All she could do was try her best to keeping her more carnal desires well under wraps, and, for a while, she thought she was doing a good job where that was concerned. That was until their final night at camp.

Eriana was sitting in front of her tent, the white wolf at her feet, watching as Anders struggled to get his tent put up. Having lived on the road for the better part of a year, Eriana could pitch a tent in under a minute, and usually she would go offer the poor mage assistance. But today, she was just content to sit back, chewing on her pinky finger, and watch as the mage bent over, messing with the poles and canvas, thoroughly enjoying the way those Tevinter robes hugged certain parts of his anatomy. She didn't realize she was staring quite so obviously until Sigrun plopped down beside her.

"So are you planning on jumping his bones tonight or something?" the dwarf asked, reaching down to pet the wolf beside her. "Because judging by the look you're giving him right now, you're either about to eat him or screw him, and I'm really hoping it's the latter. So which is it?"

Eriana blinked and looked down at the grinning dwarf. "Hum, I'm not, um neither."

"Ah, come on, Commander, I grew up in Dark Town; I know that look. In fact, I think you were actually licking your lips a minute ago, so what's the hold up? You seem to like him, and I know he likes you. So what's the hold up? You could save him the trouble of setting up that tent, even though you're thoroughly enjoying the show."

Eriana rolled her eyes and grabbed Sigrun by the arm, pulling the dwarf back into her tent. "It's nothing like that, Sigrun. It's a bit more complicated." The elf sighed, "Look, I'm just coming out of a really serious relationship, and emotionally, I don't think I'm ready for anything."

"Who said anything about anything emotional? I was just talking about sex. You know, just a good old, stress relieving, roll in the hay. It's a good way to burn off all that pent up energy that's got you wound tighter than a spring." The dwarf looked up at her and grinned. "Trust me, when you hang around with dead people all day long, you learn to get your jollies without letting your heart get involved. I could give you advice on that, you know." Eriana glanced down at the dwarf and rolled her eyes. "Hey, symbolically dead or not, a girl's got needs; I'm not dead dead, yet, you know? You've got an itch, let Anders scratch it."

Eriana couldn't help but laugh at that. "I'm afraid it's not quite that simple," she said, laying back on her bedroll, staring up at the tent above her.

"Why not?"

"Well, for one, neither of us is dead, technically or literally, so we don't have the same carpe diem mentality that you do." Eriana sighed, "If I let myself go there, one or both of us could end up getting hurt, and that's not what I want."

"So, what do you want, then?"

"A good lay if I'm being perfectly honest." Eriana groaned and rolled over, burying her head in her pillow. "Part of me just wants to go out there and drag his beautiful blond head in here, ravish him all night, and kick him out in the morning with teeth marks on his hinny." Sigrun giggled as she plopped down beside Eriana. "But that's so not like me, Sigrun. Really, I've never been this…I don't know how to describe it… feral before. I don't know what's gotten into me here lately; first it's these dreams and now…."

"Wait, what dreams?"

Eriana blushed scarlet. "Well, lately…um…I've been having certain dreams about…um…"

"Sex dreams? About Anders?" Eriana sighed and nodded. "But not just Anders?" Again Eriana nodded. "Nathaniel too then?" Sigrun giggled as Eriana groaned and buried her head back into her pillow. "Is that it?" Eriana shook her head. "Ohhhh, who else, then?"

"AlisterandAenanCousland," Eriana muttered quickly into the pillow.

"I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure I heard you because it sounded like you said you were having sex dreams about the King and Teryn Cousland's younger brother." Eriana nodded, and Sigrun roared with laughter. "Dang girl, you set your sights high."

"I hate you." Eriana growled as the dwarf's giggles subsided. "But this is serious Sigrun; I can't deal with having these feelings toward them."

"Why not? I'm sure they'd all be more than willing to sate your desires so to speak. Why not have some fun, live a little."

"And what, use my friends just to satisfy my baser desires. I can't do that. I have too much respect for them to use them then toss them aside."

"Well, who says you have to toss them aside? I'm pretty sure Anders would be onboard if you wanted something more than just a tumble."

Eriana sighed, "But that's just it; for me, all this could be is a desperate tumble. I'm simply not ready for something more, not so soon after…" She sighed and looked down at her lap. "I will not take advantage of Anders affections, not when there's nothing for me to give him in return. I refuse to toy with his emotions just so that I can get a little physical satisfaction, and the same goes for all the others too."

She cradled her head in her hands, "It's just…Sigrun, when I was with them, in my dreams I mean, it felt so good, and not just because it was satisfying. It felt good to be in someone's arms again, to feel loved again; I hadn't realized how much I'd come to depend on it, on him. Without him," Eriana paused a moment, trying to choke back tears, "without him, at times it's hard to breathe."

"Eriana, I know this has to be hard, but…"

"No, Sigrun, this isn't hard; it's devastating. I feel like part of my soul has been ripped out, that I'm not the person I was before I met him and that my life will never be the same without him." She glanced down at the dwarf. "Zev was a passionate lover; being with him was like nothing I ever experienced." Eriana grinned, "Not to mention, his hunger was insatiable; it was like he could never get enough. Being with him changed me, more than I realized, and then he just disappeared and left me to try to go on without him. But I'm not sure how to be without him; so much of my world, my life centered on him, more than I ever realized."

Sigrun looked up at the blonde elf for a moment. "Eriana, how old are you?"

Her commander looked down at her, blue eyes still shimmering with unshed tears. "Nineteen."

Sigrun gasped; she knew the elf was young, but she had no idea she was that young. "Only nineteen? By the Stone, I had no idea."

Eriana chuckled, "Yeah, most people don't; elves age gracefully, after all. My mom still looked like she was in her twenties when she died, so chances are I'll still look this much way when I'm fifty..." Eriana's face fell and she was quiet for a moment. "Anyway, it's not a fact I readily publicize. I'm not sure the nobility would accept the rule of a teenager, you know? Why do you ask?"

"It's just…" Sigrun sighed, "Eriana, you're so young, and I'd wager that this was your first serious relationship, right?" Eriana nodded. "First loves change you; they mold you into the person that you become, and emotionally, you're never the same afterwards. Even if Zevran never comes back, a part of him will always be with you. You can't change that; all you can do is accept the fact that you are a different person because of him, and that's not necessarily a bad thing." Sigrun put a hand on Eriana's knee. "You keep saying that your relationship with him made you a more desire driven person, so what's wrong with that? It's who you are now, so embrace it."

Eriana sighed, "But it isn't who I want to be, not really. It's who Zev was, and I suppose, who I was while I was with him, but that's all. I don't want to be a woman who uses men to make myself feel better. Look, before Zev, sex to me wasn't exactly something I enjoyed; it was, well, it was just sex, most times just something to be endured. I just don't know how things will be without him, if it will go back to being something unpleasant." She sank back down on the bed roll. "When we were together, the physical was such an important part of our relationship; I just don't know if I can move on with anyone else."

"Yes you can, those dreams prove that. You may not be ready for something deep and personal, but not every relationship has to be something like that. A physical relationship with someone else, someone you trust, might just give you some perspective; it might just be the thing that helps you to move on. And who knows, it may just become something deeper, something real." Sigrun put a hand on her knee and looked intently up at her. "I'd imagine life in the alienage for a pretty elf like you was unpleasant; believe me, I grew up in Dust Town. I can understand better than most. I remember what is was like to be afraid to let go of you, and that's what you're afraid of, letting go. But with the right person, I'd wager it'd do you more good than you realize. Besides, Anders cares for you; he would look out for your best interests, not use you then leave. I think he'd be good for you; he might be just the thing you need to help you heal."

Eriana lay there silently, staring up at the tent. "Just tell me you'll think about it, Eriana; you can't go on like this forever, pining after him." Eriana opened her mouth to protest, but Sigrun cut her off. "You are pining, and it's tearing you apart."

"I'll think about it, but I can't promise you anything."

"As long as you think about it, that's enough for me." Sigrun yawned and stretched her arms over her head. "So, going back to something you said a while back about Zevran; when you say he was insatiable, just how insatiable do you mean? From the way you talk, it sounded like you two humped like nugs. So just how frequently was it, if you don't mind me asking?" Eriana's face began to color slightly, but she remained silent. "I mean, I'm sure it wasn't, you know, daily or anything like that, but…"

Eriana giggled, "At least."

Sigrun's eyes grew wide, "Daily?"

"At the very least."

"And this was while you were trotting all over Fereldan during the blight?" Eriana nodded. "Dang girl, how on earth are you walking without a limp?"

"Warden stamina and a damn good healer," Eriana said with a straight face before the two women dissolved into a fit of giggles.

"Hey ladies," Keenan said, poking his head into the tent. "I hate to break up this hen circle, but dinner's ready," he grinned, "no thanks to you two."

"Shut up, Keenan," Eriana said with a grin, "We'll take second watch as payback."

"No way, your clucking and giggling would keep us up all night. Nope, we've already figured it out, Ana, you've got first watch with Anders, and Sigrun and I will take last watch. Justice said he will take second watch with the wolves; he seems fascinated by them for some reason. So, come on out here and get some dinner," Keenan said as he slipped out of the tent.

Sigrun glanced at Eriana who rolled her eyes, "Alone, just me and Anders, a definite recipe for disaster."

Sigrun grinned, "Just remember, he's a healer; it's his job to make your body feel good all over."

Eriana groaned. "Have I mentioned how much I hate you?" she muttered with a slight smile.

-0-

Nathaniel tried not to obsess, tried not to pace the battlements, watching the road for the return of Eriana and the other Wardens, tried to keep from getting more and more irritable as the days passed. He failed. Miserably. By the end of the fifth day, even Oghren couldn't stand to be around him, so everyone just kept their distance and let him brood. He knew he was brooding, but he didn't care. It shouldn't take more than three days to make it to the Black Marshes and back, and the marshes themselves weren't that big, so finding Kirstoff shouldn't take too long. They really should be back by now, and Nathaniel was starting to worry. He kept telling himself that this woman took down an archdemon, she could handle a haunted marsh, but it did little to assuage his concerns.

Somehow, Nathaniel managed to get himself to sleep that night, probably by convincing himself that he would only wait one more day before arranging a search party to go out after the Wardens. It was a good thing then that the scouts spotted Eriana and her party approaching the Vigil just before noonday.

He was leaning against the gates of the keep when the Wardens approached, Eriana, Anders, and the wolf in the lead, followed closely by Sigrun, Keenan, and a helmed figure he assumed was Kristoff. Eriana was smiling up at Anders, laughing at something he was saying as the mage gave her a slight, playful shove. When she glanced up and saw Nathaniel waiting there, an amused look on his face, her cheeks colored slightly as she gave him a guilty look. "Hey Nate," she said, practically skipping up to him, "you look like you're well rested."

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

Eriana chuckled, "No, not really. You look like you haven't slept in days. What's going on?"

"What's going on? I was worried sick; you guys have been gone for quite a while. We were all starting to worry."

Eriana glanced over at Anders, who just shrugged. "What are you talking about; how long were we gone?"

"You left six days ago; I was about to arrange for a search party to go after you."

Eriana's eyes went wide, and she turned to stare up at Anders. "How is that possible? We've only been away for four days, right?"

Anders shook his head, "Time passes differently in the fade; apparently we were in there a lot longer than we realized, two days by the sound of it."

Eriana shuddered. "Two days? So we were laying out there, exposed to Maker knows what for two whole days. Ugh, I don't want to even think about it."

"Whoa, whoa, wait a second; what's this about the fade?" Nathaniel said, stepping up to them.

"One of the darkspawn pulled us into the fade somehow when we were inspecting Kristoff's body. Apparently we were trapped in there for two days, though at the time, it only felt like a few hours." She glanced up at Anders, "Ewww, I don't want to think what might have happened to us while we were unconscious for all that time."

"It's a good thing that wolf of yours was still there. I'd say he and his pack kept anything dangerous away from us." The white wolf raised his head toward the mage and gave a low bark.

Eriana shuddered, "Two days, ugh! I suppose that explains why I've been so hungry since we woke up; two days without food will do that to you, I guess."

"Wait a second, please go back and explain what you just said about inspecting Kristoff's body?" Nathaniel said interrupting them, glancing over his shoulder at the bulking figure talking to Keenan. "If that's not Kristoff, then who…"

Eriana groaned, "A big problem is what that is." She glanced back at the helmed man standing behind her, looking around the Keep. Grabbing Nathaniel's arm, she pulled him into the court yard, away from the rest of the group, Anders and the wolf following close behind. "So while we were in the fade, we encountered this 'benevolent' spirit who wanted to help the souls that were trapped in there. Apparently there are good spirits in the fade as well as demons. He helped us get out of the fade." Nathaniel glanced back at Anders who nodded in agreement.

"That still doesn't explain who that is."

"That is Justice, the spirit." Eriana leaned back against the wall, describing the confrontation with the First and the Baroness. Nathaniel listened intently, interrupting occasionally to ask a question or two, becoming more and more grateful that he had been left behind. "So when the Baroness died, we were all pulled out of the fade, including Justice who was pulled into Kristoff's body."

Nathaniel's eyes widened in horror, "So that…that thing is possessing the body of a dead Warden, and you brought it back here?"

"What else was I supposed to do, Nathaniel? He helped us. We'd still be stuck in the fade were it not for him. I would like to send him back to the fade, I really would, but I have no idea how to do it. If the body he's in dies, will that kill him forever? I don't know, and I'm not about to risk it, not without a little more information first. Besides, we couldn't just leave the remains of a fellow Warden unattended, even if they are walking around and talking on their own."

Nathaniel shuddered and turned to look at the mage, "Anders, can't you help with this."

Andres shrugged, "I never really took an interest in studying spirits and demons while I was in the Circle. Most of my study centered on healing magic and finding the easiest escape routes."

Eriana put a hand on Nathaniel's arm, "We're planning to write to the First Enchanter to ask his advice in the matter. I'm sure someone there knows more about this than I do."

"So in the meantime we have a possessed Warden following us around?"

"Technically, possession involves a spirit taking control of a living vessel," Anders said. "In this case Kristoff was dead, so there was no life force for the spirit to overthrow. It's just a reanimated corpse."

Nathaniel sighed, "Because that sounds so much better. Maker's breath, what do you tell his wife?"

Eriana glanced nervously up at Anders, "I was actually hoping you and Keenan might go and talk to her. You could explain the situation far better than I could." Anders nodded and made as if he was going to leave, but hesitated for a moment, looking between her and Nathaniel before turning to leave.

"What was that all about?" Nathaniel asked once the mage was gone.

"What was what?"

"Oh, no. Don't try to pull that innocent stuff with me. I saw the look that he just gave you. What happened while you all were out there?"

"Oh, that. Nothing happened," Eriana said, a blush creeping up her face. Nathaniel looked at her, one eyebrow raised. "Look, we had watch together a few nights; we talked, that's all."

"Talked, huh? The kind of talking that involves using words?"

Eriana rolled her eyes, "Of course, by the Maker, you're as bad as Sigrun."

"So she's noticed it too, then?"

"We are not talking about this," Eriana said, her cheeks turning a lovely shade of red. "But, speaking of talking, did you happen to say anything to my cousin while we were away," Eriana asked. "I noticed he wasn't here, waiting for us."

"As a matter of fact, I did, and before you go jumping all over me for defying your orders, let me clarify. He came to me, and though I tried my damnedest to get away from him, he hounded me until we talked."

"He hounded you?"

"Grabbed me by the arm and physically restrained me…twice."

Eriana laughed, "Whoa, Soris, when did he grow a set of balls? You didn't hurt him, did you?"

"No, in honor of our friendship, I restrained myself. That didn't stop me from threatening to kill him if he ever laid a hand on me again, but that's beside the point. If it's any consolation, he seems truly sorry for what he said. He realizes he was a jerk."

"Oh, I'm sure he does, and I'm sure I'll get around to talking to him eventually. However, it seems as though I've been gone a lot longer than I expected, so I'm sure there's tons of work Varel has for me."

"Nope."

"Nope?"

"I took care of it all while you were gone; I was raised a noble, remember? My parents raised me to be the next Arl, that administrative crap you hate so much was my bread and butter while I was growing up. I can do it with my eyes closed."

Eriana grinned, "Oh, Nathaniel; I think I just fell in love. And to think, I almost considered killing you."

Nathaniel drew her into a hug, "I missed you, this keep was really boring without you. No one barged into my room in the middle of the night the entire week you were gone."

"Were you lost without me, Nathaniel?"

"Hopelessly, but you seem to be doing well, Ana, you and Anders."

"Ugh, you're not going to let this drop are you?" Nathaniel grinned and shook his head. "Fine. We flirted, we talked, but that's all, nothing else happened."

"But it could have."

"But it didn't."

Nathaniel sighed, "Fine, I'll drop it, but would you let me say one thing first." He tilted her head up and looked into her eyes. "It's okay to be happy, you know that right? I know you're still hurting in a lot of ways, but you can let go of that. It's okay to let yourself begin to heal; you don't have to be miserable all the time."

Eriana gave him a melancholy smile, "Ah, Nathaniel, if you think that about me, you really don't know me at all. Bad things happen to me when I'm happy; it's almost not worth the risk," she added with a quiet sigh. "Anyway, I'm going to go wash some of this swamp smell off me. I'll see you at dinner, okay."

"Sure thing, Eriana; it's good to have you back."

-0-

"Anders," Eriana shouted, jogging over toward the door she had seen the mage disappear into. "Hey, Anders, wait up." He stopped and poked his head out of the door, waiting for her to catch up before ducking back into his room.

"Eriana," he smiling down at her as she strolled in, closing the door behind her, "I was just going through Howe's library," he said, holding up a small stack of books.

"Oh, did you find anything that might be helpful with this whole Justice situation?"

Anders rolled his eyes and gave her an incredulous look. "Yeah, because Howe's library was full of books on the fade and spirits and the secrets of magic."

"True, stupid question on my part. So, what did you find in his library?"

"Well, let's see; aside from a few books on herbal remedies I thought might be useful for Velanna, all I found there was a bunch of books on history and warfare along with an impressive collection of some rather racy novels."

Eriana started giggling, "So that's where Sigrun got it." Anders turned and raised an eyebrow at her. "Okay, a few days ago, Sigrun was reading some novel she found in the common room, and out of nowhere, she asks me what an Antivan milk sandwich is."

"Um, what is an Antivan milk sandwich?"

Eriana shook her head. "I didn't tell her, and I'm definitely not telling you."

"But you know?"

Eriana blushed scarlet, "Of course I know; I was with an Antivan assassin for over eight months. If it was kinky and it originated in Antiva, I knew about it."

"So is this something that you experienced firsthand?"

Eriana dissolved into a fit of giggles, "Oh, Anders, you have no idea how wrong that particular choice of words was for this particular conversation."

"I'll take that as a yes then."

Eriana shook her head, "I'll never tell, and that's the last I'm going to say on the subject."

"Fine, fine, I'll let it go, for now; I know a lost cause when I see one," Anders said, smiling down at the elf. "So, have you recovered from our lovely trip through the marches?"

She laughed, "Yeah, a good night's sleep in a warm, soft bed and a long, hot bath worked wonders; it almost got the mental image of our bodies lying out in the open out of my mind. How about you?"

"Me, oh, I'm fine," Anders said with a wave of his hand. "You know, Commander, you always take me to the nicest places. I mean first, you drag me around the woods where we get kidnapped by darkspawn, then we get to hang out in the deep roads for a few days, and then we get to fight demons and spirit dragons in a haunted swamp; ah how you spoil me."

Eriana laughed, "So are you regretting joining the Wardens?"

"Regretting it? You say that as if I had a choice in the matter; you conscripted me, remember?"

"Right out from under that stuffy templar's nose," Eriana said with a grin; then her face turned serious. She glanced up, looking the mage in the eye. "But, honestly, Anders, are you unhappy here, with us?"

"No, no, no, not at all actually. I was afraid that when you conscripted me that I was simply trading one form of captivity for another, that the Grey Wardens would turn out to be the Circle all over again."

"Was it really that bad, living in the Circle, I mean? I have only been in there the one time when I was recruiting the mages during the blight, and it was overrun with demons and abominations at the time, that probably wasn't the norm."

"It wasn't the circle itself as much as it was the way we mages were treated. It was like you need permission to be alive just because you happened to be born a mage." His voice rose, and Eriana could tell he was getting angry, remembering the past. "We were tolerated, you know, but those templars never looked at us like we were human. They were always staring at us with these hate-filled looks, like they were afraid we were going to explode into an abomination at any moment."

"I've always seen you as human, Anders; and I'm not afraid of you, either," Eriana said taking his hand and giving it a light squeeze. "And, believe it or not, in a way, I can sympathize, Anders. I may not be a mage, but a lot of people make assumptions about me the moment they lay eyes on me. That's why I was so surprised that Duncan wanted me in the Wardens; I was so used to people seeing only an elf when they looked at me, never bothering to see what was underneath."

Anders looked down at her and smiled, "So you don't see a mage when you look at me?"

Eriana shrugged. "Well, the robes and the staff make it hard to ignore," she said with a grin, "but, no, that's not what I see at all. I see a friend, someone whose presence I value. I hope you realize that, Anders, and to that point, I got you a little gift."

Anders' face brightened, "A gift, you bought me something?"

"Well, not bought, per say; it's something I found and made me think of you." She reached into her pack and pulled out a small orange kitten, dumping it into his arms.

"A cat, you got me a cat?"

Eriana nodded, "I remember you talking about the cat you had back in the Circle, and when Frostback pointed out that little guy to me…"

"Frostback? The wolf? You named the wolf."

Eriana grinned, "I can't get him to leave even though I've tried to sever the connection between us, so I figured since he'd likely be around a while he needed a name. I can't just keep calling him wolf, now can I? So he's white, like the Frostback Mountains, hence the name." Anders laughed and shook his head. "Anyway, Frostback let me know that he saw a kitten hiding out in the stables, so I decided to get it for you. It took me nearly an hour once I found him to get that darn thing to come out, but…"

"Wait," Anders said, tearing his eyes away from the kitten and looking at the elf. "You spent an hour trying to coax this kitten out of hiding, for me?"

Eriana looked up, surprised, "Of course, I knew it would make you happy, besides this is a way better gift than that scarf I gave you a few weeks ago."

Anders didn't say anything for a moment; he just looked down at her, his face unreadable. Then he wrapped his arms around her crushing her to him in a fierce hug. Sighing quietly to herself, she let herself fold into his arms, simply savoring the warm comfort she felt, resting her head against his chest. The more logical side of her mind was there, quietly reminding her that she needed to step away, break the contact before he got the wrong idea; she still loved Zevran and isn't ready for something more. But that voice was being quickly overwhelmed by her screaming libido, who wanted nothing but more Anders. Inhaling deeply, Eriana savored the unique smell of him, lyrium and ice, with a touch of the smell that lingers after a spring storm. It reminded so vividly of her dream that she began to feel dizzy as sudden feelings on longing surged through her. Taking a final deep breath, Eriana pulled back a bit, but not far enough that he had to release her from the embrace. "So you like the cat?"

Anders smiled down at her, bringing a hand up to gently trace her face. "It's perfect; no one has ever given me something this thoughtful." Eriana felt her heart leap into her throat. She needed to stop, needed to walk away before something happened, before she did something she couldn't undo. She simply wasn't ready for this she tried telling herself. Then Anders' arm tightened, pulling her body to his, and once again, all logic fled. This felt good, it felt right, being in his arms, feeling his breath as it tickled her face, feeling his body as it pressed against hers. "You know," he said, breaking the peaceful silence between them. When I was in the tower, all I wanted out of life was a pretty girl, a decent meal, and a chance to shoot lightning at fools."

"Well, you should love being a Warden, then, we have good food, and you have lots of chances to shoot lightning at fools."

Anders smiled down at her, "Not to mention the pretty girl."

Eriana felt her face redden, "You think I'm pretty?"

Anders blinked down at her for a moment before throwing his head back and laughing fully. "Do my ears deceive me, or is Eriana Tabris, Commander of the Grey, Hero of Ferelden fishing for compliments? I can't believe this."

Eriana felt her blush deepen as she looked up at him. "Yes," she said with a wicked grin, "now tell me I'm pretty."

Anders took her face in his hands, "You are exquisite, the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on, too beautiful for words to even describe, and I am humbled to be standing here in your presence." He grinned down at her. "Is that good enough?"

Eriana felt her knees weaken as his words washed over her. This was bad, very bad. Why was she flirting; why was she still standing here too, too close? Why was she letting him look at her with that hungry look in his eyes, and why was she returning the look? Without saying anything, she simply wrapped her arms around him, letting her head rest on his chest, feeling his lips press gently against the top of her head. This was the point of no return. She could do the sensible thing and walk away, or she could give into temptation and satisfy her baser needs, after all, they were alone in his room and his bed was just over there. "Walk away, walk away, you'll come to regret it if you don't," her mind screamed at her. Then one arm snaked around her back, and, even though the barrier of her leather armor, she could feel the heat radiating between them. Lowering his head, Anders began to kiss his way up her jaw line, his lips ghosting over the sensitive tips of her ears, making her entire body shiver with pleasure. "No fair," she thought, feeling her own traitorous hands working up the mage's back.

Lifting her head, she met his gaze, which was dark and heavy with desire. Smiling, he dipped his head toward hers gently kissing her forehead as he made his way lower. "Anders," she managed to whisper, "are you sure this is a good idea?"

He pulled back a moment and looked at her, "Are you unsure about this; because if you are, we can…"

Eriana put a hand up to his soft lips and smiled, "No, it's not that; it's just…" She wanted to tell him everything, wanted to explain the sudden weird desires, the burning need mingled with pain. She wanted to be fair to him, so he could go in with his eyes open, but she chickened out. "The last time you tried to kiss me, we did get attacked by assassins."

She felt him breathe a sigh of relief as his hold on her tightened. "I'd say this is well worth the risk," he said lightly brushing his lips across hers before he captured her mouth in a warm, passionate kiss. All her inhibitions melted as her arms tightened around him, and deep inside, her desire started to burn more intently. All of a sudden, she didn't care that this was unwise. The only thing on her mind was how good it felt to be held securely in strong and loving arms again; it was almost as if the pain of the last three months had never happened. Suddenly, she felt whole again. It was better than anything she had experienced in her dreams, and for a moment, it didn't matter who held her, while she was in his arms, she felt complete again. She would sort through the consequences later; right now, she needed to be lost in the moment.

"Commander Tabris," a voice shouted from the hall. Eriana started, breaking the kiss suddenly.

"Maker's harry balls," Anders growled pressing his forehead to the top of her head as he tried to catch his breath.

Eriana chuckled, her senses coming back to her. "If that's someone trying to kill me, you're in a world trouble," she joked, giving him a light pat on the chest before moving toward the door.

She had no idea how close her joke had come to the truth.

-0-

Okay, so for some reason my chapters just keep getting longer and longer, and I didn't even get to end this one where I wanted to! Oh, well, as long as you all are still with me, I guess I won't worry too much. I hope to update twice this week (huzzah for spring break, one of the perks of teaching)

As always, let me give a special thank you to my lovely, faithful reviewers! 100 reviews, wow, ya'll rock! Akiri, Taisenokami, Danyal, Judy, and Kainen, thanks for your kind words on the last chapter. I hope you like where this is going. I plan to take this story well beyond the end of Awakenings and hope to wrap up the Awakenings story line soon. (but not at this rate)

Anyway, thanks for the support, and thanks for reading.