CHAPTER 33

Could this have been how Christine had felt as she lay sleeping in his arms after their lovemaking, dreaming of a tomorrow full of new possibilities; not knowing that at that same time he was dreaming of horror and sorrow, and the inevitably of leaving her alone again. Of all the mistakes he'd made, what could he ever due to atone for denying the very thing he'd killed to attain.

Erik didn't need the rising of the sun or the chiming of an alarm clock to let him now when it was morning. His internal clock had been tuned to wake him well before the earliest risers, but when he opened his eyes this morning he knew he'd slept in. He was surprised to hear the muffled notes of early rehearsals, but not as surprised as finding he wasn't alone in bed.

In a blaze he remembered all the events of the last several hours. Lisa had come to the island to watch the show, and then he'd brought her down here to his old lair. Then they'd made love. A lump caught in his throat as the fresh memories replayed in his mind.

Erik had crossed a great barrier within himself to arrive at this moment. All the things he had been, all the things he believed himself to be, seemed far away as if set adrift on the tide and washed out to sea. He felt like a complete man for the first time in years, but more whole than he had ever come close to before. All the things that had kept him from pursuing happiness seemed dim at that moment, but if she were to deny him he was sure he'd die.

With Christine love and desire had grown from a small flame to an inferno that had consumed his entire existence. They had only one night together, but it had been the culmination of a lifetime of longing for acceptance, for love, and for desire.

There wasn't a second of that night that wasn't etched into his memory. It gave him both joy and torment. At times he thought it would have been better to have never loved her, so that he wouldn't have the memory of that ecstasy, especially knowing he'd never have it again.

Now was different, he was different. It felt so real and so natural being in the darkness with Lisa. All the ghosts of his past seemed to have stepped aside to allow him another chance to feel alive.

At some point in the night they'd shifted position and were now lying on their sides spooning. They fit perfectly together, and feeling her body folded into his made his loins stir. Erik feared he'd lost total control as he began running his fingertips up and down her hip. How could he expect more after she'd given so much? As he passed a spot very near to the hip joint she would reflexively shiver, and he chuckled to himself.

"And what's so funny?" she said groggily. Lisa rolled slightly and was able to find his lips in the darkness. For many moments they kissed and held each other in the darkness. "Erik?"

"Um huh." He muttered.

"Where's the bathroom?" Erik blinked himself back to reality. Lisa felt the mattress spring up as he stood from the bed, and followed the sound of his feet as he left the room. Lisa heard the click of a switch and a soft white light came from an open door about 10 feet from where she lay.

Erik stood just to the right of the doorway in shadow. The small amount of light that found him revealed his nakedness, but he'd somehow managed to put on the white porcelain mask. She felt he was testing her, daring her to show disgust or sneer at him. But the smile that spread across her face and the twinkle in her eye hinted that not only did she not find him repulsive; she enjoyed the sight. In fact, her wandering eyes showed clearly how she wanted more. Erik blushed, actually blushed as he stood there proudly.

Lisa had to gather her own courage as he stood waiting for her to exit the bed. She thought of wrapping the black satin sheet around her, but realized that such modesty was foolish. The thought of him seeing her was exciting and she didn't want to hide anything more from him. She strode leisurely to the open door, allowing all the time in the world for his eyes to explore her. He particularly seemed to enjoy the bounce of her breast as she walked. He was partially erect as she passed him and entered the restroom, closing the door lightly on his beguiled eyes.

For several moments Erik stood looking at the closed door. The room was returned to blackness except for the small amount of light that escaped from under the bathroom door. Seeing Lisa's naked body exit his bed after a night of passion had greatly affected him; more than just stirring his lust, it had caused his heart to swell.

How could he awaken another day without wanting her next to him? And at any moment she would emerge from the bathroom. Would she want to be with him again? Could they spend all day in a firestorm of ardor?

Erik heard the flush of the toilet and the faucet being turned on. His heart was tripping wildly with anticipation, but he had to take care of his own body's needs. He moved quickly out of the room to use the common rest room of the large apartment that was his lair. Once he was finished, he moved to the kitchen to collect a few bits of fruit, cheese and juice for a small breakfast.

He'd prepared the underground suite for Lisa's visit. It was certainly presumptuous of him, but it wasn't part of Erik's character to consider such things. When he heard the sound of water running in the shower, he was grateful he'd had the foresight to make sure they were well supplied.

Erik inventoried the tray of food while he waited for the teapot to boil. Suddenly the phone in his study rang. He nearly jumped out of his skin at the unexpected intrusion. His first response was annoyance and anger at being interrupted, but realized that only Mr. Gangle knew where to find him and that his loyal subject would only call if there was a serious emergency. Erik darted to the study and grabbed the receiver by the 4th chime.

"What is it?" he asked with a mix of anger and concern, but it wasn't Gangle who answered him.

"Father… its Gustave. Is Lisa with you?" the boy sounded strained, causing Erik's throat to go dry. He was alive, that at least was obvious, and so what else could be going on.

"Why, what's happened?" he asked as gently as he could.

"It's Mrs. Aguilar. She fell in the night and passed away." said Gustave on a hushed sob, and then rallied himself quickly. "Kara called here looking for Lisa since she never returned from Phantasma. I assumed since you hadn't either you'd be together. Squelch is taking me to the mansion now. Mr. Gangle and Ms. Fleck are on their way to pick you up. They left a while ago so they should be there at any moment." As if on cue there was a small knock on the door. Erik took a deep breath as his high came to an unceremonious end.

"Yes, they have arrived. We'll see you at the mansion. I love you Gustave." It wasn't often that Erik used those words, although a day didn't pass that they weren't true. But at that moment it seemed very important to say them.

"I love you too father. Please take care of her. See you soon." said Gustave.

"I will." He replaced the receiver, and turned right away to collect clothes from his closet. Within moments he was dressed. He walked as calmly as he could back to the bedroom. Lisa was waiting for him on the bed. She was lying on her side with the black satin blanket draped seductively over her figure. She'd lit the small brazier and the firelight was playing tantalizingly over her features. When Erik entered her broad smile instantly fell.

"Get dressed." He said quietly and then retreated. He needed another moment before unveiling the unhappy news. Why was it left to him to hurt the woman who'd given him new life? He finally answered the knocking of the door. Erik gave quick instructions to the odd pair, closed the door and sat on the piano bench waiting for Lisa. She emerged only a few minutes later, ready for whatever awaited her. He didn't really register the pained look on her face and the way she avoided meeting his eyes.

Lisa didn't understand what had happened. Was he regretting what had passed between them? Or was he ashamed of bedding a woman out of wedlock? Perhaps he was just done with her, having gotten the only thing he wanted. Maybe he'd found her lacking in some way, or unworthy?

Her mind was awash in questions while she dressed. It was almost impossible for her to hold back the tears that wanted to escape her eyes. When she was done and came out of the room, she couldn't look at him. Lisa was afraid of what she'd see in his eyes, and what she wouldn't see. She stood for many moments waiting for him to say something.

"There's been an incident." He'd gotten up from the piano and stood right in front of her. Being alieved of her apprehensions for a moment by his statement, she looked up at him. His eyes weren't cold or dismissive, they were sad.

"What incident?" she asked.

"Your mother fell in the night…. We must return to the mansion at once." Erik couldn't bring himself to say the rest. In an instant Lisa forgot about everything else. She darted past him and out of the underground lair so fast he had to jog to catch up.

Mr. Gangle waited for them with a horse and carriage in the same alleyway they'd met the night before. Even though the motorized carriage was more comfortable, it was nowhere near as fast as these standard means of transport.

It was a silent journey as they sat opposite of one another. The distance to the mansion from Coney Island was much quicker than from Long Island, so they arrived before Gustave. Without waiting for anyone to escort her down in ladylike fashion, Lisa bolted from the carriage as it pulled up to the curb. The gate had graciously been left open and Kara stood at the end of the path just in front of the door, barring her entrance. Lisa skidded to a halt before her.

"Where's Mama, is she alright?" Lisa demanded. Kara's face scrunched into a look of confusion, and then she looked beyond Lisa to Erik.

"So you didn't tell her. " Though she didn't say it, Erik could read it in Kara's eyes… coward! He bristled under her judging gaze, but was doused quickly by the understanding that he had acted with consternation.

Kara descended the few steps slowly and gently took Lisa by the shoulders. "Mama Aguilar has passed on child, she is gone." There was no sound from the stunned woman, not even of breadth, until she suddenly broke away from Kara's embrace and rushed into the house at a dead run. Kara remained standing on the stone path looking forward.

Erik felt torn between her reproachful stare and his need to follow, but he finally made a decision and blew past her to follow Lisa to her mother's room. As he approached Erik knew already she was inside. Her wails filled the hall like those of a mythical banshee, and each crescendo of pain crushed the breadth in Erik's chest a little more.

Dr. Gilles stood to one side. Lisa had thrown herself on the body of her beloved matron, shuttering with her cries. The old woman's figure seemed so much smaller to Erik than he remembered, but the look on her face was the most serene he'd ever seen on a person. It even seemed she wore a small smile, like she was proud of herself.

Perhaps she'd gotten out of bed in the swoon of a pleasant dream, perhaps she was dreaming still. Erik hoped so, he'd come to know Mrs. Aguilar in a short time better than others he'd known for years. If he'd had a mother, he'd of liked one like her. He was sure his life would have been very different under her warm and nurturing parentage.

Erik was pried from his musings when he realized Lisa had started talking, but not to him. She was muttering to the corpse in Spanish, and he strained to make out what she was saying through her tears.

"Mami, no me puede dejar sola. Te necessito. No ahora, est moy temprana Mami. Yo trate de asel que to queria, Mami. Perro no puedo sin ti. Mi culpa, toda es mi culpa. Yo devia quethal me aqui. Est mi responsebildad a quidar te, Mami. Porque me mandaste a acostar me con esse hombre. Yo lo sabia que eva salir mal. Yo prometi, seimpre lo prometi." On and on she went, in one moment blaming herself for not being there and in the next blaming her mother for encouraging her. And a promise, a promise she'd made and broken.

When her rant was over she buried her face in the dead woman's hair and continued sobbing. Kara then came forward and placed a hand on Lisa's shoulder. The change was so sudden, all those present gasped. Lisa whirled around with an extended arm. Kara had to jump back to avoid being struck down.

"Deja me, deja me quetta. Salte de aqui ahora!" Erik than tried to reach out for her, but she stood and lunged at him, placing her palm flat on his chest and pushing him away with her full strength. He stumbled back, and Dr. Gillis had to steady him. Erik was about to try again when Kara stayed his hand. Tears had started to pour from the colored woman's eyes, though her voice remained steady and clear.

"Please, give her time. Leave her to me. Gustave has arrived, please see to him. Don't let him in here until she is better. Please." Erik didn't want to concede to her judgment, but he could hear the child's hurried steps approaching. His instincts as a father swayed him enough to agree. Kara pushed both Erik and Dr. Gilles out the door and closed it at once. Gustave came, flying down the hall and launched himself into Erik's embrace. His face was streaked with dried tears, and fresh ones had begun to fall.

"Papa, it's so horrible. Where is everyone? Where's Lisa, I must see her and pay my respects to Mama Aguilar." He pleaded.

"Lisa's in there now with Kara. She is very upset and needs some time alone." Erik said stoically, a numbness having settled on his mind.

"But I can help her. I have to tell her it will be alright. She has us now, doesn't she Papa, and we love her." Erik didn't know how to respond. Young and innocent as he was, Gustave wasn't completely ignorant of the ways of the world, especially since discovering his true lineage. All the man could do was nod his agreement.

"Come let's make some tea for everyone." Erik led the boy to the kitchen with Dr. Gilles trailing behind them. He'd stood as a silent witness to all that had transpired. When they reached the kitchen all were silent as Erik prepared the beverage. When each of them had a steaming cup in hand Dr. Gilles gave them a breakdown of all the nights' events.

He believed the elderly woman had been sleep walking, a habit she'd had since childhood although it had not reoccurred for many years. In the dark of the house and under the shadow of the dream she'd fallen and hit her head on the sharp corner of the dresser. There was no indication that she moved again from the moment on, so he concluded that she either died instantly or was knocked unconscious and died from brain swelling.

There would be no autopsy since no foul play was suspected and such procedures were only for questionable circumstances. Thankfully the autumn air was dry and cool. They could wait a few days to bury her to have a proper wake and funeral. Arrangements were already being made. He would leave it to Kara and Lisa to prepare the body, as was customary in Spanish households. Madam Aguilar would then be transported directly from the house to her final resting place.

Erik listened to every word with a cold acceptance. What had the old woman meant to him during their brief acquaintance or him to her? He'd only ever mourned Christine. No one else had ever been important enough for him to care if they lived or died. But he did care, though he didn't know how to express it.

The only way he knew to cope with it was to distance himself. Perhaps he could be of some assistance to those around him, but so far he'd been ousted from their presence. Erik considered if he and Gustave should even be there, it seemed they weren't wanted.

"I need to be off. You'll stay won't you?" Dr. Gillis asked him, Erik only stared back at him. "They'll need you both. I expect, given your relationship that you'll watch over them." He said with a slightly fatherly tone.

"Yes, of course." replied the man. Dr. Gilles gave him one final admonitory look before taking his leave.

Father and son spent a long time sitting silently in the kitchen. Neither ate and only drank sparingly of the tea. By the time they were roused the golden sun of early afternoon was filling the kitchen. Kara entered the door, moving slowly as if she'd aged many years in a short time. She came around to Gustave and hugged him affectionately, ruffling his already unkempt hair.

"It feels so good to see you child, especially now. It reminds us of the future." She kissed his cheek lovingly one last time before releasing him and moving to clear the cups. She didn't acknowledge Erik until she couldn't find anything else to do.

"I can't get her to move or speak. I think we should just give her some time, but we must keep a watchful eye. You two can help me prepare dinner, than get some rest. I'll need someone to sit with her while I sleep."

They worked quietly preparing vegetables while Kara prepared a sirloin for the large oven. They then retired to the sitting room until needed again. Lisa did not eat or acknowledge the food Kara presented her. She just sat next to her mother on the beds edge, looking at the old woman's profile.