Chapter 11: Torn

Nessie's POV

I left the Cullen house a little while later before my family could get too worried about me. As I walked home there was something at the back of my mind that suddenly came to the forefront of it.

My family. Well, both of my families actually. It was something that I tried to avoid thinking about around my father especially, but now that I was alone I couldn't stop thinking about it.

What would I do if I had to choose between them? Could I really just abandon the family that has loved me and raised me all of my life? But could I just say no to my mother and father? Could I reject my aunts, uncles, and beloved vampire grandparents?

At the same time though I couldn't reject my brother and sister or my human grandparents either. They were my family just as much as the Cullens were my family. If I chose one over the other then I would forever lost the other family.

No matter what I did I just could not shake those thoughts loose from my head. I was completely torn. I had no idea what to do or what I should do. How should I feel? No matter what I did I risked hurting someone. Whatever I chose in the end I would end up hurting someone. I felt so torn.

As soon as I got home my grandpa Charles grabbed me into a tight and loving embrace. His love for me only further reinforced the hurt they would all feel if I chose the Cullens over them.

"Okay grandpa you can let go now" I joked.

"What can I say? I missed you way too much kid" he said.

"It's only been a couple of days" I reminded him.

"and all it took was a few days to realize how lonely I am without you three kids close by. You know how lonely I've been ever since your grandmother died"

Yes I did. I lost both of my grandmothers a few years ago. It wasn't as bad for grandpa Royce because we had moved in with him but for grandpa Charles it was different. He had no one. He had other children of course but they hadn't been on speaking terms in a long time. It was a long story that I didn't even completely understand.

Why did my grandfather had to bring this up now when I'm already in the middle of a huge dilemma of having to choose families?

I went to the kitchen to quickly make myself a lunch. The heavy panting behind me told me that Cookie had decided to follow me into the kitchen. I tossed her a few pieces of the chicken without much thought to it. I nibbled my sandwich slowly and sipped my soda as I pondered over the thoughts that continued to race through my mind.

"Nessie are you okay?"

I was surprised to hear my brother's voice as I had not heard anyone enter the room.

"I'm fine" I lied.

He just took a deep breath before sitting down right next to me.

"No you're not" he said as he looked me dead in the eye. "I know you're not. Something is bothering you. I just know it"

"Nothing is bothering me" I told him. "The only person that you should be worried about is you. You're the sick one. Not me"

"I know that!" he shouted. "Don't you think I know that I'm the sick one? I'm the one that wakes up every morning hoping that it was all just a dream. I'm the one who has to deal with all of the aches and pains, the dizziness, the fatigue everything. I already have a lot of doctor's appointments lined up. I know that I am sick. I do not want nor do I need any reminders"

"Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you"

"It's okay. I just hate being reminded all the time. I just want everything to be normal again. The way it was before I got the diagnosis. I hate what the illness does to me but even more then that I hate what it has done to everyone around me"

"What do you mean by that?" I asked him.

"Everything has changed. You all look at me differently. Like I am going to die at any second. Grandpa won't even allow me to do much anymore because he thinks it will affect my health. I mean I had to quit playing sports for god's sakes. Do you have any idea how hard that was for me? How hard it was to give up something that I loved so much? It seems like every time I have a conversation with any of you around here it's always about my illness. Medicine, doctor's appointments, how I'm feeling. That's it. Nothing else. I miss the days where we just talked about things like school, homework, friends, movies, just normal things. I miss the days where we would just mess around and have fun without worrying about anything. I just want that back more then anything. Heck I even miss it when Anne would drag us along on her famous shopping sprees when her friends bailed on her"

Listening to my brother open up about everything that he was feeling made me realize just how much has changed since his diagnosis. My sister didn't talk much to us anymore. I was busy dealing with my own problems and my brother, well he's been suffering. Things had definitely changed and I hadn't really noticed but now that I did I wished things would go back to the way they were before this whole mess started.

"Nessie it's not me that I am worried about. You are the one that I am worried about. I know that you're hiding something big. I can feel it. You have been acting strange lately. You're very withdrawn. I have heard you crying at night. You get scared more easily then you ever have in your life. You don't talk much anymore. I know that something is wrong and you're trying to hide it but you're not doing a very good job. I just wish that you could talk to me. That's all. I'm your brother and I love you"

Not again. Reminding me that he is my family and that he does love me. Of course I already knew this but right now it only serves as a reminder of the dilemma that I am facing. The choice that I will inevitably have to make.

I was also more then a bit bother that my attempts to be secret had been in vain. I have been trying so hard ever since I was raped to pretend that everything was normal. That nothing at all had happened to me but he could see right through me.

"Royce nothing is wrong" no matter what he said I still felt that it was better to keep this from him as long as possible. He had enough to deal with without adding me to the problems. They all had enough to deal with already without adding me into the mix. They didn't need the added burden of my issues on top of everything else. The time will come when I have no choice but to tell them everything but I would be ready when that moment came.

He sighed. "Okay, fine"

Phew. Good. He was going to let it go. At least for now.

After that my grandpa Charles invited us out to ice cream. Anne chose not to go but my brother and I wanted to. I tried to talk my grandfather out of getting an ice cream for himself since he was diabetic and sugar was not good for him but he didn't want to listen to me.

I got myself a strawberry flavored one. My brother got vanilla and my grandfather got chocolate.

"Nessie?" I nearly had a heart attack when I heard grandma Esme's voice calling my name.

"Esme?" I said back to her.

"You know her Nessie?" my brother said in confusion.

"Yeah, we met earlier. Esme this is my brother Royce and my grandfather Charles Evenson Jr."

Never had a vampire looked so close to fainting then my grandmother did right then and there.

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