It was well into the evening before Eriana woke up. For several minutes, she simply lay in bed, allowing her mind to mull over the events of the previous days. They were a blur for the most part, punctuated by a few brief instances that were painfully clear. For the moment, however, she wasn't in pain either physically or emotionally. In fact, for the first time in weeks, she actually felt at peace, and it didn't take her long to figure out why. Alistair was nearby; she knew because she could feel the familiar pull of the taint in his blood.

As a Grey Warden, Eriana had become quite accustomed to the almost alluring pull of the darkspawn taint running through her blood. She could sense them from a distance and had learned how to determine what kinds and how many they were facing. Like most experienced Wardens, she could feel the presence of other Wardens when they were nearby, but the sensation they created in her blood was much the same regardless of who they were. The only thing she could distinguish was roughly how long they had been in the order, but she couldn't identify individuals merely based on the pull of their blood. Alistair was the only exception. She hadn't realized it at first, the way Alistair's blood called to her in such a unique way; they had been together for so long during the Blight that she simply thought the sensation was just part of being a Warden and being near other Wardens. It was a helpful bond, especially in battle. Eriana and Alistair both seemed to know instinctively where the other was, and in some intense situations could even tell when the other was in trouble. She wasn't sure if it was the taint in their blood or the fact that she knew him so well, but there were times that Eriana could almost swear that she could feel Alistair's emotions. It wasn't until they were separated after the Landsmeet that she realized just how close of a bond they had formed. Though she never admitted it to anyone, his absence had left a physical void behind. For a long time, she had felt empty without his presence; Loghain's presence simply wasn't the same.

Now, waking up to feel his familiar presence close by again was exactly what she needed. It was warm; it was soothing; it was familiar. Without a doubt, it was the second most comforting sensation she could imagine, second only to… She immediately stopped that line of thought. The hurt was still to raw to allow her mind to venture there; it was best if she avoided thinking about him altogether if possible.

Sighing quietly to herself, Eriana rolled over in bed and looked toward Alistair. He was lounging in a chair beside her bed, his feet propped up on her mattress, an open book laying across his chest as he dozed beside her. She smiled and propped herself up on a quivering elbow. "Do you really have to put your dirty feet on my blankets?" she muttered to him.

"My boots aren't on, they're fine," he replied, opening his eyes and sitting up. He was at her side in an instant, one hand gently stroking her forehead, the other clasping her tiny hand in his massive one. "How are you feeling?" he asked, looking down at her intently, his eyes full of concern.

"I've been better," she answered truthfully. "But I've been worse, too." She gave him a sad smile as she looked up at him. "Thank you for coming, for being here. I don't know if I could have gotten through this without you."

Alistair sighed and continued to caress her face. "I just wish I was here sooner, that there was something more I could do." He squeezed her hand gently, "I feel like I abandoned you when you needed me most. I should have been here for you; I should never have left."

Eriana placed her free hand on top of his. "Alistair, you were doing exactly what you needed to be doing. I knew I couldn't keep you when I made you King, that our duties would take us in different directions, but I don't regret it. You have done your duty, and I cannot fault you for that."

Alistair smiled, pushing her hair off her face and planting a kiss on her forehead. "Duty…duty hasn't exactly been kind to us has it?"

Eriana shook her head. "Duty never is, Alistair. If it were easy to do what was right, then there would be no need for heroes to step in and save us. You've done right by me Alistair; you were here when I needed you most, and for that, I am eternally grateful."

Alitair nodded. "Do you think you could eat something? Petra told me it has been more than a week since you've had a proper meal."

The young elf sighed and shook her head. "I probably need to eat, but, really, I have no desire to." She thought for a moment. "You know, I could really go for a bath, though. I feel like it's been ages since I've had a real bath, and right now, all I want to do is wash away everything."

"I can understand that. You sit right here, and I'll go get someone to help you," he said, getting up to leave. He was stopped, however, when she reached out and grabbed his arm, a look of panic crossing her face.

"No, Alistair, please, don't leave me. Can't you…I mean do you think you could…though, if you're uncomfortable helping…"

Alistair smiled gently, "Of course I'll stay, Ana, whatever you need." With that, he reached down and helped her to her feet, keeping her steady as she balanced herself on unsteady legs. Holding her by the waist, he led her into her washroom. "Do you think you could sit here while I go find someone to fetch your water?"

Eriana shook her head. "That's not necessary," she said, pointing to a lever on the wall. "Pull on that lever and touch the rune just above it." Alistair did as he was told and was surprised when a rivulet of hot water began streaming into the tub. "Remember the bathing rooms in Orzammar?" Alistair nodded. "Well, Howe must have visited there sometime because he's had the same thing done in here. He had some water diverted from a stream so that it runs into a reservoir here in the Keep; the runes heat the water as it flows around it."

"That's amazing," he said with a chuckle. "It looks like Howe got one thing right. This is down-right luxurious. Maybe I could get some engineers to figure out how to make something like this work in the palace." Eriana smiled as she poured some oils and soaps into the warm water. Once the tub was full, Alistair helped her out of her clothes, careful to keep his eyes fixed on her face and not allowing them to wander down her body. Only once she was concealed by the murky water of the tub did he allow himself to look away from her face. Eriana leaned back, resting her head on the edge, letting the warm water ease the stiffness on her muscles and her lingering pains. She sat there for a while, enjoying the water and Alistair's closeness, listening to him as he talked about his trip around the country. It was quite a while before she decided it was time to actually start washing herself. Struggling to sit up, Eriana reached for the soap and clean water to rinse her hair. Her arm started shaking the moment she extended it toward the soap, and of course, Alistair noticed immediately.

"Here, Honey," he said, sitting down on the edge of the tub. "Let me help you with that." Eriana sighed and sat back, letting Alistair take care of her. She hated feeling so helpless, even if it was just around Alistair. "I've got you, Ana," Alistair said, gently easing her forward, "why don't you lean on my arm here while I take care of you." Eriana obeyed, closing her eyes and enjoying the feeling as the warm water washed over her head, like it was washing away all of her pain and suffering. Alistair was so gentle as he tenderly massaged the soap into her hair, occasionally brushing the bare skin on her back.

Once he was finished, he helped her settle back against the edge of the tub. "Thank you, Alistair," she muttered, opening her eyes and looking up at him. "You know, I'm still so tired; I think I could almost fall asleep right here."

"Well, we better get you out then because that's least thing we need, the Hero of Ferelden falling asleep and drowning herself in the tub. She survived demons and dragons only to be done in by a warm bath."

"And two months before the one year anniversary of the end of the Blight, too," Eriana said with a weak laugh. "Does that mean you're making me get out?"

Alistair nodded, "The water's getting cold, anyway." He grabbed a long, white robe and held it out toward her. "Let's get you into this, and I'll send someone in to help you get dressed while I go get you some dinner."

Eriana raised an eyebrow at him as he helped her into the robe, amused that once again he managed to keep his eyes focused on her face. "You do realize you could just send a servant to fetch something, right?" she said once Alistair had her seated in front of the fireplace in her room.

"Yeah, I know, but I know what you like and what would make you sick. It'd just be easier for me to go get you something rather than trying to explain it to someone else."

Eriana grinned, "So the King of Ferelden is going to personally get my dinner for me, not to mention he's helped me take a bath. I am probably the only person in Thedas who can claim that."

"Anything for you, you know that, right?" Alistair said, stroking her hair as he looked down at her. "You are a lucky girl."

Eriana's smile fell instantly, and Alistair cursed quietly under his breath. "Ana, I'm so sorry, that was thoughtless of me…I just wasn't thinking."

Eriana shook her head. "Don't worry, Alistair; you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around me. I know you didn't mean any harm." She glanced up at him, "Besides, you were right; you just didn't say what kind of luck I have. I am lucky, you know; it's just all bad luck."

"Ana, you know that isn't true." She gave him a questioning look. "Okay, so it's kind of been true recently, but things will get better for you, I know it." Eriana sighed and shrugged her shoulders. He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. "They will; there's a reason for this, I'm certain of it. Now, I'm going to go get you something to eat. Trust me, cheese always makes everything better."

"Even this?"

"Even this."

Eriana gave a weak chuckle and watched as Alistair left the room, giving him her a small smile before closing the door behind him. Eriana started to turn her gaze back to the fire, but her eyes stopped when they crossed over the mirror on her vanity. She tried remember the last time she really looked at herself in the mirror, probably just before the fealty ceremony when she was trying to decide what to wear. It had been a long time since she had any real reason to care what she looked like, so what she saw in the mirror shocked her. Her face was hollow and gaunt; the elegant elven angles of her face had sharpened into harsh lines. Struggling to her feet, she made her way over to the mirror and began to look at herself. Her face was not the only part of her body that had suffered from her ill-treatment of herself. She instantly realized that she wasn't just weak physically; her entire body seemed to be withering away. Her slim and lithe form now seemed almost skeletal it was so emaciated; her strong, slender arms now looked like brittle twigs. She was a shadow of what she was only three months ago, so much so that her own reflection frightened her. How had she let herself get to this place? How had it gotten this bad without her realizing it?

"Cousin?" a tentative voice whispered from the doorway. Eriana looked up from her self examination to see Shianni standing there. "Alistair said you could you use some help."

Eriana nodded and let her cousin help her into some clean clothes and back into the bed. "Shianni, how bad do I look? Be honest, what did you think when you first got here?"

Shianni sighed and eased into the bed beside her, wrapping her arms around her cousin's waist. "I'm not going to lie, we were really worried when we first got here. Petra met us at the gate to warm us that you had lost some weight, but nothing could have prepared us for this. It's like you're a shell of your former self, a shell that's slowly wasting away. Petra did say you kind of took a downhill turn after you got back from the darkspawn attack, though." Shianni started playing with her hair. "These last two weeks have been hard on you; we've just been worried."

"I'm sorry, Shianni," Eriana said, tears welling up in her eyes. "I never meant to hurt anyone. I didn't want anyone to worry about me; I just couldn't handle the pressure of all this all at once. It was just too much. I guess I just shut down in a way."

Shianni eased her cousin's head into her lap and gently stroked her hair. "Maybe you just need a break; you know, to get away from all this so you can get better. Why don't you come back to the alienage with us? The city just built Trevers and me a brand-new house and there's plenty of room for you. A change of scenery might do you some good; it would give you a chance to relax and get better."

Eriana shook her head. "Shianni, you and Trevers haven't even been married a year yet. The last thing you need is another person in your home, especially a mopey one like me. You two need some time alone."

Shianni shrugged, "Well, your father is already living with us; what's one more."

Eriana cringed. "He's not too much trouble, is he; I mean, you all don't mind him staying with you? Because I can bring him here to live if you need me to; it seems to have slowed down enough that he would be safe here."

"No, no, no," Shianni said with a smile. "I love having Uncle Cyrion live with us. I mean, you all took Soris and I in after the plague took our parents; it's the least I could do. He's like a father to me, you know? Besides, everyone would love to have you back."

"But what would I do back in the alienage? It's not like I'm marriage material anymore, and I don't have any skills that would be of any use to anyone there. I fight, that's what I do, and there would be no use for me there."

"Then go back to the palace. Alistair asked you to stay and work as an advisor for him, did he not? I'm sure the offer still stands."

"And what good would I be as an advisor? I was raise in the alienage, remember? I have no training in affairs of state. Hell, I rely on my seneschal and Nathaniel to help me run this arling. What good would I be advising the King on running the whole nation?" Eriana sighed, "Besides, Alistair needs to spend time with Anora, and he wouldn't do that if I was there. I'd just be in the way."

"But you can't stay here, Ana; it's just not healthy."

"No, Shianni, here is the only place I can be; it's the only place where I have purpose. At least here I can occupy myself with all my duties and whatnot. Trust me, I can keep myself busy enough here."

Shianni crossed her arms, "Like you've been trying to do for the past three months? Well, let me tell you, cousin; it isn't working and you know it. You've tried distracting yourself for the past three months and look where it's gotten you. You need time to recover, to heal, to sort all this out."

"Look, I admit, I did a piss-poor job of it last time, but I'll do better now. I've seen what I've done to myself, and I've seen the consequences of letting myself go the way I did. I won't let it happen again. Besides, I was running off pregnancy hormones; I'm pretty sure they make you crazy."

"So there's nothing I can say to convince you to come back to Denerim?"

"No, this is where I'm needed. It's the only place where I really belong. I don't fit in with the alienage anymore, and I don't fit in with the nobles. At least here, among the Wardens, I have some kind of purpose. Besides, Soris will be here to help me, and if I start getting worse, then he has full authority to drag me back to Denerim. Does that sound good to you?"

"Okay, fine, but your father stays with me." Eriana started to protest, but Shianni stopped her. "No, listen, it's hard enough for him when he doesn't know everything that's going on with you from day to day, but I think being here, watching you come back bloody and ragged after a fight, Ana, I think that would kill him."

"Is he doing that bad?"

"No, recently he's been doing better. Helping us rebuild the alienage has been good for him, but losing you that first time really did a number on him. Then Soris got captured by the arl's men, and I don't know, something in him broke. Getting you back helped a lot, but these past two years has aged him, a lot." Shianni smiled, "He's a tough old man though; he just worries about you."

Eriana wrapped her arms around her cousin, "Thank you for taking care of him, and if you think it's best that he stays in Denerim, then that's what we'll do. I think he'll be safer with you, and I promise, when we come in two months for the celebration, you all will see a new and improved Eriana."

"And if we don't we're locking you up in the alienage and keeping you until you're better."

"Deal."

Shianni smiled and pulled her cousin back to her side, holding her until Alistair returned with dinner. "Well, I'll leave you two alone," Shianni said, scurrying out of the bed. "I need to check on Uncle Cyrion anyway; he's been taking a nap since lunch. I'm sure he's ready for dinner, now." She gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before disappearing out of the room.

"So, Alistair," Eriana said, sitting up so that he could put the tray over her legs, "what did you bring me?"

"I was going to make you some of my famous Ferelden rabbit stew, you know they gray gloppy goo that you loved so much during the blight."

Eriana raised an eyebrow, "Really, I thought the whole purpose of you going to get my food was so that I wouldn't get sick. That stuff that you made me sick even on my best days."

Alistair chuckled, "Ouch, how you wound me, my Ana." He spread out her food on the tray. "Here's some chicken soup, bread, fruit, and, of course, some cheese."

She stared at the tray for a minute, rearranging the food before Alistair reached over and grabbed her spoon. "Eat," he said, shaking the spoon menacingly at her. "Unless you want me to feed you."

Eriana rolled her eyes and slowly started to eat, aware of Alistair's watchful stare. The food felt heavy on her tender stomach, but she forced herself to eat, the haunting image from the mirror compelling her to eat as much as she could. She had managed to finish off about half of the food Alistair had brought before her churning stomach told her that she had eaten enough. Putting the tray on the table beside her, she settled back down into the pillows and started idly playing with Antivan coin she wore around her neck as she let her mind wander.

"What's that?" Alistair asked, nodding toward the necklace. "You've worn it for a while, but I never knew why."

Eriana looked down at the damaged coin in her hand, her mind going back to the night at camp when she had received it…

Zevran was sitting behind her, his hands gently massaging her shoulders. They had spent the better part of their watch talking about her compassion and empathy for others and how she could let her emotions get the better of her at times.

"Is it hard, Zev; being a Crow, I mean?" she asked, turning to look up at him. "And I don't mean the killing people; I know your feelings about that. I mean, is it hard to go through life without that kind of closeness?"

"For me, no, not exactly, but I did begin my training very young. I was only six when the Crows bought me from the whores, and since then, I have been taught to forego feelings of love and affection. I find pleasures where they can be had, and that's all I expect from life. It would be a very hard life for someone such as you, someone who cares so much about those around her."

"Sometimes I wish for that," she said. "I wish for a life where I don't care so much for people; then it wouldn't hurt so much to lose them. I feel like my life thus far has been consumed by loss, the loss of my mother, my brother, my home; and I feel every one of those losses. Sometimes I wish I could shut it out, numb myself to it."

Zevran slipped off the log and onto the ground behind her, putting his arms around her. "No, you don't wish that," he whispered into her ear. He pulled out a golden coin and placed it in her hand, "Tell me, what do you see here?"

"It's a coin," she said, unsure where he was going with this.

"No, look at the coin. What do you see?"

She held the coin up in front of her. It was Antivan, no doubt about that. One side of the coin had an image of some kind of flower that she did not recognize. Turning it over in her hand, she noticed the second side had a man's picture stamped into it, but it scratched up so badly that she couldn't make out the man's features. "One side is beautiful while the other side is scarred and damaged. I don't understand," she said, handing it back to him.

Zevran placed the coin, scarred side up, in the palm of her hand and ran his thumb around the edges of it as he cradled her hand. "This side has been damaged; it has endured great hardship that has permanently scarred it, changed it in much the way the hardships in your life have changed you. You have endured much hurt and felt much pain in your life, and that, in part, has made you who you are. When you care about people in your life, you inevitability suffer the pain of loss."

Then he turned the coin over in her hand so she could see the other side. "But with that loss comes so much more. You forget that there is another side to the pain, there is the love, the joy. You wouldn't feel the loss if you didn't have something worth losing, no?" He closed her hand around the coin and pulled her tightly to his chest. "I have heard you talk about your memories of your family, and I know that you wouldn't trade them for the world. You once asked me if I had ever known joy in my life; I have not, not in the way you have. To be a Crow, I gave up those kinds of feelings so that I could be a more efficient killer, but you, you have experienced love and joy the likes of which I have never and will never know. I ask you this, would you sacrifice those moments to be rid of the pain because you cannot have one without the other."

That moment has stuck with her, so much so that she had asked a blacksmith in Orzammar to put the coin on a chain for her so that she could wear it always, a reminder that there was always another side to her pain. And for a while, she had believed that, had held on to the belief that though she suffered, there was some good that would come of it. She wasn't so sure she believed that anymore.

Sighing to herself, she related the story back to Alistair. "That makes sense, you know, what he said. Without something to love, it wouldn't hurt to lose it."

Eriana shrugged, looking down at the coin in her hand. "I don't know if I believe that anymore. My life has had some good moments, but it's definitely not been equal parts pain and pleasure, not by a long shot." She took a deep breath and looked up at him. "I think my life is more like a magnet than this coin, and every time something good happens or I start to get happy, I attract something bad. And the more happy I get, the bigger the suffering that comes with it."

"Ana, you know that's not the case."

"No, I've thought a lot about it. Just think about it. I have a happy childhood, well as happy a childhood as one could have in the alienage, and then my brother dies. My cousins move in with me, and all of a sudden, there's life and laughter in the house again, and that lasts for a while. So what happens? My mother is killed, and I'm forced to work in the tavern where I'm abused and harassed for years. Then came my marriage. I was excited about that, happy that I would have someone to take care of me, so once again, something bad happens. I'm abducted, my husband is killed, and I'm conscripted into the Grey Wardens who are then all lost in Ostagar. But, somehow, I manage to get my life back on track. I find you and some happiness there only to have that taken when Eamon forces me to end things."

"Wait, what's this about Eamon? What are you talking about?"

"Well, he suggested it, demanded it, really, when he started talking about making you the king; I already knew it would be necessary, though. He just made sure I realized it." Eriana put a hand on his arm. "It was for the best, really. If we'd have stayed together, you would have been tainted by my bad luck. You would have probably been killed by the archdemon or something. Trust me, you're lucky I ended things with you; things don't end well for people in relationships with me; I'm bad luck."

"You know I don't believe that, and even if I did, you would be worth the risk." He pushed her hair back cupping her face in his hand, "I wish you would have told me, or talked to me about it, at least instead of just making the decision for both of us. I would have fought for you; you know that, right? I don't care about what Eamon thinks; I didn't care then and I don't care now."

"I know, Alistair. He was right, though; this was for the best," she said leaning against his hand.

"For who?"

"For everyone but us." Eriana said softy as she reluctantly pulled away from his touch. "I can't think about what I want because what I want doesn't matter, and any time I get what I want, it just blows up in my face. Well, never again. I just can't hurt anymore, Alistair, and I can't risk putting myself out there again. It just hurts too much, and the reward just isn't worth the risk. All I can do is put my life back together as best I can and hope it doesn't fall apart again."

"Are you sure that's what you want, a life alone without ever feeling loved?"

"It's not what I want, but it's what I need. I just can't take getting hurt again. The pain just isn't worth the risk. I don't think I could survive another heartbreak like this; I'm pretty sure it would break me completely."

"But, Ana, this isn't like you, and who's to say that there isn't happiness out there for you. I mean, isn't that part of living, taking risks, putting your feelings out there. Doesn't that make life worth living?"

"Not when the loss hurts this much. I'd rather live a life free of love than risk feeling this kind of pain ever again. I can find pleasure in life without emotional connections, right? Ze…he managed it when he was a Crow, and so can I."

"But he didn't, not really. He fell for you despite his training; we could all see it, and you loved him, too. Even with all his training to harden himself, he wasn't able to resist it because it was real."

"If it was so real, why did he leave? If he loved me, then he would have stayed," she shouted, tears coming to her eyes. "I've lost everything, Alistair. Look at me, does it look like I can go through this again?" She took a deep breath to try to calm herself a bit.

"I know it hurts right now, and I know you can't imagine anything making it better," Alistair said, pulling her into a tight hug, "But you are strong, Ana, and you will make it through this. I know you can't imagine it right now, but this can't last forever. Some good will come of this, I know it." Eriana didn't say anything; she just sobbed, letting all her emotions overwhelm her as she cried into his chest. "You're not alone in this, Ana; I'm here for you; Oghren is here; your family is here. We'll help you get through this, I swear."

"I hope you're right; I just don't know," she said, sitting back. "I just can't imagine ever feeling whole again."

Alistair was about to respond when there was a light knock on the door. "Come in," Eriana said, quickly wiping away the tears from her cheeks. Nathaniel opened the door, giving them a slight smile as he walked across the room.

"It's good to see you up and eating again, Ana. I…we were starting to worry."

"Thank you, Nathaniel, not just for checking up on me, but for taking care of everything. It's been tough, but the worst may be over. I think I might be on the mend now."

"That's good to hear." The rogue started to fidget nervously before reaching in his pocket and pulling out a small, leather pouch. "We weren't sure what you would want to do with the ashes, so I collected them so that you could decide."

Eriana took the pouch from him, caressing it for a moment as she looked down at it. Here were her daughter's remains, the only thing that she had left to remind her of Asala's short life. Her breath caught as she tried to hold back tears. "It was my fault," she whispered without looking up from the small pouch that rested in her hands. Sighing, she gently caressed the smooth leather, a single tear escaping and running down her cheek. "On some level I knew; I had to have known."

"Ana," Alistair said, putting a comforting hand on her knee. "There's no way…"

"Oh, yes there was, Alistair. I should have seen it, but I was too blind to it. I didn't want to see it; didn't want to even consider it. Even when Nathaniel suggested that I might be pregnant, I refused to even acknowledge that it might be a possibility. I mean, the signs were all there, even before I got here, before he left. The nausea when I ate, the fatigue; it was there, plain as day."

"Yeah, the signs are obvious looking back on them, but with everything that you were dealing with, I'm sure it was easy enough to miss," Alistair said.

"No, that's just it; I don't think it was easy to miss. Like I said, I think I knew it on some level; that's why I never let Anders examine me and why I avoided the issue when Nate brought it up. I didn't want to admit that I might be carrying Ze…his child. If I had known, then it would have been all I would have been able to think about. It would have been a constant reminder of what I had lost, and I don't think I could have handled that. He was too much on my mind as it was, so I ignored it. I blinded myself to it, and as a result, I killed my baby."

"Now, wait, a moment, you did nothing of the sort." Nathaniel said, coming up to stand behind Alistair. "There were a lot of things that happened, not the least of which was that crazy brood mother. She injured you, and that caused the miscarriage, not something you did. You couldn't have prevented that."

"Yes I could have. Think about it, Nathaniel; if I had known I was pregnant, then I wouldn't have thrown myself into the melee combat like that. I would have hung back with you and Anders and attacked from a distance. She only caught me because I was right there in the thick of things. I would have been more careful, taken better care of myself, and then, maybe, just maybe she would have been strong enough."

"There's no way of knowing that, Ana."

She shook her head and looked back down at the ashes. "I wish I could believe you, but this one is on me and I know it. Nothing you can say is going to convince me otherwise. It's my fault, and I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life living with that. Now, da'len," she said to herself, tenderly stroking the pouch. "What am I going to do with you?" Custom said she should scatter the ashes, but she couldn't bear the thought of releasing just her daughter's ashes to the four winds. "Nathaniel, could you hand me that box that's sitting behind you?"

Nathaniel nodded and handed her the engraved wooden box that had once upon a time belonged to his mother. Pushing back the lid, Eriana looked down into the empty box, and after bringing the pouch to her lips one last time, she laid it inside, stroking it lightly a few more times. Before closing the box, she reached up and took the chain from around her neck. She ran her finger around the coin one last time before putting the coin in the box beside her daughter's remains. A pang of regret coursed through her as the necklace's absence left her neck feeling strangely naked. With a sudden feeling of resolve, she reached up and touched the diamond earring in her ear and almost took it out to place it beside the pouch and necklace, but couldn't quite bring herself to do it. With a sigh, she closed the box and handed it back to Nathaniel. "Put that away somewhere where I won't see it every day. I want it close, but I can't look at it every day."

Nathaniel nodded and turned to stash the box for her. While his back was turned, Alistair leaned in again.

"Ana, are you sure about that? You've been wearing that necklace for long time."

She nodded, "I can't bear to wear it anymore, Alistair; it represents something that I simply don't believe in anymore. If I was stronger, I'd just throw it out. I guess in a way it's appropriate that it is with her, after all, they are both ideas and dreams that I've lost. It's appropriate that they stay together."

"Eriana, if there's nothing else you need," Nathaniel said, patting her hand, "I'll let you get some rest." He nodded toward the tray of half eaten food. "I can take that down for you, too, if you'd like, Your Majesty." Alistair nodded and handed the rogue the remains of her dinner.

"Thank you, Nathaniel," Eriana said, giving him a weak smile. He smiled back at her before disappearing from the room. Once he was gone, the young elf dropped back on her pillows, emotionally and physically exhausted.

"Do you think you could get some more sleep, Ana?"

"Maybe," she whispered, looking up at him, her eyes shining with new tears. "Alistair, do you think you could stay here, just for tonight. I don't think I could bear to be alone tonight."

"Of course, whatever you need."

Eriana nodded and moved over, giving he King room to join her in the bed. Once he was settled in beside her, Eriana snuggled up against him, her head resting lightly on his chest, reveling in the way his strong arms felt as they wrapped around her. Maker, how she had missed this feeling of being warm and secure, wrapped in the arms of one who would protect you. And though they weren't the arms she craved, they were enough to ease the pain, to fill the void left by Zevran if only for a little. So there, wrapped in the arms of her brother, her King, and her protector, Eriana fell into a deep and blissfully dreamless sleep.

-0-

Okay, so I know I've had like three chapters in a row of angst, angst, angst, but I felt each scene was important. Eriana had to come to terms with her role in this and had to get a handle on her suffering. She also had to make an important step in the process of moving on, something that she hasn't really been able to do yet. (The Anders thing was mainly driven by pregnancy hormones and the need for comfort, not true emotion…not yet at least)

Anyway, new and original story line stuff coming up, as well as an Ana who is purposefully trying to get on the right track.

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I hope that it hasn't been too much of the sad stuff; I promise I'll be moving on in the next chapter.