CHAPTER 41
Who am I… what am I… why was I the one cursed, both with the face of a monster and the soul of a man who could not accept his fate?
It wasn't the first time Erik had muddled over those questions. Heaven and hell on earth, that's the conundrum he faced every day of his existence. Could he really choose one or the other for himself?
The piano sat still and silent in Erik's room. His hands were settled on the keys and a partially completed piece of music was spread out over the surface. Not one note had resonated from the instrument since he'd settled there after dinner and saying a quick good night to his son.
It had been an interesting kind of day, to put it lightly. Erik still wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing, especially taking into account the impact his decision would have on the boy. He didn't want to disappoint or hurt Gustave, neither did he want to put them both in a position to be deceived or used.
Minutes ticked by. Aloneness; solitude; aloofness, weren't these his trademarks?
Silence: the music would not come, though he could feel it like an insistent hum coming from the base of his skull or held in his throat. Stillness: the music would not come, like it was waiting, impatiently pushing for a decision and resolution that had to be reached.
Hadn't he learned to be lonely, as the man always looking in on life and dreaming of the chance to live, but never able or capable of attaining it; hadn't that been the lesson of his life, taught to him over and over by various moments of pain and horror?
Emptiness: the music would not come. There has to be an end to this, and he couldn't wait any longer for it to just happen. Committing himself to the final chapter of another ill-fated love affair Erik stood from his piano and left his home.
Outside the blanket of night lay thickly over the city. Even though the sky was clear and the moon glowed brightly, it seemed no light touched the ground. Had the celestial bodies of heaven forsaken him at last, and the night with all its magic and music been robbed from him?
Very soon, he would know.
The smell of the paint and the act of stroking a canvas with her brush was always soothing and comforting. Whether she was sad, angry, anxious or afraid, Lisa found respite in her art. She'd finally settled on the images to decorate the small room and begun the intoxicating process of bringing her vision to life. It never failed to amaze Lisa how the organization of simple shapes and colors could transform any surface into a window to her own mind.
Her thoughts, fantasies and memories had all been recorded in either pencil sketches or painted canvases. The box Erik had seen on their last night together held more than just his picture. Hidden safely within it were all the terrifying images of the day she'd lost her father, husband, and unborn child. They didn't exist for casual viewing, but for her to have an outlet of remembering… and forgetting.
But there were happy times too, and this room would be a representation of that. The faces of people who'd meant so much to her would not be forgotten and would be here to live on for future generations. Lisa wanted to make sure of that, and she wanted every tear shed from then on to be filled with hope.
Lisa was absent from the world as she worked on the walls of the small room that adjoined her bedroom; the quiet stillness of the house had allowed her to disconnect and retreat into her inner universe. She was totally oblivious to the new presence that had stopped to watch her from the doorway until it spoke.
"What is that?" he said. Lisa jumped at the sudden sound, but she instantly recognized it.
"It's a mural." She replied without turning.
"Why are you painting a mural in here?" he asked. Lisa swallowed hard against the dryness in her throat.
"I appreciate you bringing Gustave here. I wasn't sure he'd want to see me again. I'm sure I caused him pain when I left, but he's always been very forgiving." She said casually.
"Something he inherited from his mother, not me." He replied sharply, and it made Lisa flinch.
"Well, thank you anyway. I'm sorry I didn't contact you when I returned, but I've had a lot to do since I got back… I didn't want to impose myself after the way I left."
"Do you think that is a suitable excuse? That you didn't have time." he interjected, his voice becoming more touched with anger, frustration and hurt.
"No, of course not; I just didn't want you to think that I expected…" she tried.
"Expected what, everything to be like it was?" he accused.
"No, I know things can never go back to how they were." She responded sadly. Erik was deflated. Was she saying that it was over for them too? He'd told himself that he had come here for answers and wasn't looking for validation that she still cared for him, but his spirits fell at her words nonetheless.
Only now did Lisa turn to face the man. He'd been taking slow steps into the room as he'd spoke, and was only a few feet from her when she set eyes on him. Lisa had an immediate impulse to run to him and be gathered into his embrace, but the look on the visible side of his face was far from inviting.
Erik stood rigid before her, making the most of his imposing height as he had often done when trying to intimidate. She'd never before been harrowed by it, especially when she realized it was more a defensive than offensive trait. But she did feel his formidable presence bearing down on her like she was a cornered cat.
"What are you saying; that you don't want anything to do with us anymore; is that why you didn't come to us?" he asked. A cold resolve seeping into his words.
"Erik, please, this is very difficult for me." She tried.
"Well let me make it easy." He turned back and took a step towards the door, but Lisa rushed forward and grabbed his arm to stop him.
"Please don't leave. I don't want you to leave. Don't you understand that I love you, and I can't stop loving you even if you don't want me?" Lisa immediately regretted her outburst. Revealing her feelings gave him all the power. He could break her right then and there if he so chose and it would be worse than if she'd never returned.
Lisa hated the feeling of desperation that had risen inside of her and turned away sharply rather than face any recrimination in his eyes. She looked out the small window into the deepening night. The moon shone brightly and with the thick foliage gone the bright green of the lawn shimmered like an expanse of still water.
She tried to focus on the beauty of the night outside and calm the raging emotions inside her. She unclenched her hands and placed them protectively on her abdomen, as if she could shield that warm place inside from the pain that she was sure was coming.
Erik was floored. To have heard those words only twice before in his life, first from Christine and then from Gustave, had been more that he could have ever expected for a monster like himself. He approached her lightly until they stood only inches apart.
He could smell the familiar lilac flavor of her shampoo and the lingering aroma of the paint oils. There was the faintest indication that she was shaking by the way her hair glinted in the light from the lamp. Erik wanted to touch her, to feel the solid reality of her form against his own.
He lifted his hands forward and barely touched each of Lisa's extended elbows before traveling the length of her arms and settling each of his hands over hers. The movement encased her in his heat, causing every nerve ending of Lisa's skin to tingle.
"How can I believe what you say?" the question was just a whisper near her right ear. Acting only on instinct and without saying a word Lisa lifted his palm and brought it to rest over her heart. Erik could feel the wild beating of the organ like the fluttering of a caged bird.
With a rush of need Erik pulled Lisa flush against him and planted kisses in her hair before she was able to turn and offer him her lips. Her sweetness filled his senses while her softness molded itself to the long lines of his body.
Lisa had never forgotten what his kisses felt like, but it felt like years had passed since she'd last felt them. He was frantic with kissing her, her lips, her eyes, her cheeks and ears. There wasn't a place he didn't bless by the time Lisa realized he was saying something over and over against her skin.
"I love you. I love you. I love you."
Lisa flung her own around Erik's neck, holding him tightly and burying her face in the crook of his neck. She was squeezing him so strongly that the edge of his mask begun to dig into her cheek. When she pulled back to look into his eyes he saw the imprint it had left in her flesh.
Feeling an imperative that was as foreign to him as the situation he reached up, lifted the mask, and removed it. Erik looked into Lisa's sparking eyes to gauge her reaction, because in his mind no person could ever get used to seeing such a horror. As she looked at him a wide toothy smile spread over her face, glowing and gleaming with a joy he'd never thought could be for him.
He thought of the day when he'd come to the mansion with Gustave and how she'd beamed at seeing the boy. This was that same look, but now it was his. He felt himself smiling back, so fully and wide that it made his face feel strange.
When he lowered his mouth to resume his kisses she stopped him.
"Erik, there's something else I must tell you." His smile fell as he braced himself for the veil of happiness to be pulled away, but Lisa only kept smiling up at him. "This room..." she hesitated. He looked around, trying to guess what she was finding so difficult to say.
"Yes, what is this room for?" he asked. Lisa took a very deep breath before answering.
"It's a nursery." She said on a fast exhale. Erik's head snapped back to question her.
"For whom?" he asked. Lisa let out a slightly incredulous sigh in response to his question.
"Well, I'm not sure yet. I won't know if it's a boy or girl until I give birth. I might have to change the color than."
Erik didn't know if he could handle anymore revelations after this. Could the impossible have now happened twice?
"When, how?" He asked, still in shock.
"It was probably that last night before the fire. If you don't remember how I'll try my best to jog your memory." And with that she lifted herself up on tip toe to kiss her love. He responded enthusiastically and soon they were both swaying on the spot.
When they finally came up for air, Erik hooked his fingers around the straps of her overalls and pulled them down Lisa's arms until they dangled at her sides. Lisa's skin prickled with sudden anticipation, and when Erik began trailing kisses down her middle till he was on his knees Lisa could barely breathe.
Erik laid the mask on the ground next to him. As gently as if he were handling a Faberge egg, he tugged Lisa's shirt from the overalls until he exposed her midriff. It was like finding gold to him. He peppered her belly with tender kisses before closing his eyes and pressing his face against her to feel the warmth of the woman who was carrying his child.
He thought of Christine and how he'd missed her pregnancy with Gustave. The boy had told him what he'd been told. That it along with his birth had been a trying time, and due to complications resulting from that pregnancy she'd never been able to bare another child. Erik wondered if it would have been different had he been there to take care of her.
"You're thinking of them aren't you?" Lisa spoke softly while she stroked his cheek lovingly. Erik gave only the barest of nods in response. "I'm thinking of Charles too. I hope he is happy where ever he is, and Christine too."
Her words were enough to open the flood gates. The moisture Erik had been fighting erupted and he wept freely, his tears soaking Lisa's belly. When he'd managed to compose himself he released her and pulled something out of his pocket.
"I have something for you. I would have preferred to fashion one on my own, but I didn't have time so I bought this today with Gustave's help. I hope you find it suitable." He presented her with a small gold box, intricately etched with a curling design. When he opened it she saw the bright green of a large emerald set into a gold ring and sitting on red velvet.
Lisa was almost sure she was dreaming. That she was back in Florida asleep on the sunroom lounge and fantasizing about a reunion with Erik and Gustave. If it was a dream she was going to refuse to wake up. She didn't have to say anything. Erik pulled the jewel from its nest and fixed onto her waiting finger.
"I suppose you'll want a proper ceremony in a church with priest and a host of parishioners." He said with diffidence. She hadn't even thought that far, but the consideration made her snicker.
"We can go wake the catholic priest right now if you prefer. As long as the people most important to us are there it doesn't matter to me."
They didn't make it to the church that night, so the good father kept his good night's sleep. But neither Erik nor Gustave ever spent another night alone, and the phantom was finally laid to rest forever more.