True to her word, Olivia returned two hours later with her arms full of grocery bags and a duffel bag throw over her shoulder. Alex let her in without question and mentally noted that she should probably give Olivia a spare key if they were actually going to be living together.
"Okay," Olivia sighed as she set everything down in the kitchen. "Grocery bags." She moved those to the side for Alex to place into her fridge and cabinets. "General supplies for the kids. Diapers for Lexie and nighttime pull-ups for Ben since sometimes he wets the bed."
Alex grinned, remembering how the last time Ben spent the night in her bed while Adam crashed on the spare bed, Adam forgot a nighttime pull-up. She had woken up to a warm spot on the front of her shirt and underneath her chest because Ben was curled up facing her, his little hands clinging to her shirt. She had almost screamed, unsure what the wetness was from. Once she realized it was pee and not blood, she started laughing as she picked up Ben and carried him into the bathroom.
Adam had apologized profusely as he looked at Alex in her wet night shirt with Ben in her arms, sucking his thumb. She had stripped Ben of his clothes as well as her own and quickly hopped in the shower with him while Adam replaced her bedsheets. She felt weird, holding a two year old while she tried to shower and get all the remnants of pee off of herself and Ben. The poor boy was still half asleep and didn't want to stand up or sit down on the shower floor.
"Alex?" The blonde blinked a couple of times before looking up at Olivia from behind her black framed glasses. She had taken off her contacts after Olivia left and put on her glasses instead, immediately feeling protected from behind them. "You look like you're reminiscing."
"I was thinking of the first time Ben peed in my bed," Alex replied with a soft chuckle. "I didn't know what was happening and carried him at an arm's length as I ran to my bathroom. Luckily Adam helped me clean up otherwise I don't know what I would've done."
Olivia grinned at Alex's story. She too had her own share about Ben peeing on her, especially when he was just a baby and didn't like the feeling of his diaper coming off. There had been quite a few close calls of pee hitting her in the face but she figured those were stories for another time.
"Well the good news is when I took him to the bathroom he was already wearing a pull-up so you won't find a wet bed when we change him." Alex's eyes widened, surprised that she completely forgot that the little boy was fast asleep in her spare bed. "Don't worry, Alex. It's fine. I also got wipes to clean Lexie and baby powder. I picked up some blankets from my place, pillows, and clothes for myself mainly, although I did have a few items for Ben that I was going to give him when he visited next week."
Alex bit her lip as she began to unload all the food into her fridge and pantry, trying to organize it based on what Ben would eat and what Lexie would eat. She smiled at the plethora of canned pureed baby food and formula. Olivia had even picked up reusable children's plastic utensils, plates, and cups. She wondered momentarily just how much the brunette had spent on the children just to ensure that they had one day of comfort since they were going to pick up the rest of their stuff the following day.
"Thank you for doing all of this," Alex finally managed to say once she found her voice. "You really didn't have to but I appreciate it."
Olivia smiled in response before grabbing another bag and handing it over to Alex. "I care about them too, Alex. And I care about you because you're basically a mother to them now and I want them to be happy so that means I need to make sure that you're happy."
Alex smiled faintly as she opened up the bag, ready to empty the contents but instead found items specifically for her. Inside was a book on basic baby knowledge which she knew would include instructions on how to put a baby in a baby seat. Along with it was a bottle of lavender lotion, a special kind meant to help someone relax. There was also a small bottle of pain reliever for headaches, a box of tissues, a box of fancy chocolates, a bottle of decently nice wine, and a small white teddy bear.
Alex couldn't help but smile as she pulled out the teddy bear and turned it to herself, raising an eyebrow when she read 'I love you' written across the chest of the teddy bear. "I imagine Adam and Claire would've wanted me to give that to you. They loved you Alex and I know that because on the drive back here, I finally realized that you're Adam's Allie."
Alex's eyes glisten as she wiped away the tears from beneath her glasses, her heart beating a little harder in her chest at the mention of her old nickname. "When we first met, we were five or so. He pushed me down into the tanbark at the playground and I screamed 'owie' so he laughed, and said 'hi owie.' I shoved him back and somehow we became friends. He kept calling me owie for a few more years until everyone kept mistaking my name for Allie and laughed at him for having a lisp. So then he just gave up and started calling me Allie since it was close enough to a nickname for Alexandra."
"You really did know him for a long time," Olivia stated as she removed the last few items from the bags and shoved some under her arm to bring to the bedroom for the children.
"Yeah, I guess I did." Alex smiled sadly before pulling a tissue out of the tissue box and dabbing at her eyes. "Thank you for this."
Olivia merely nodded as she picked up everything she needed and carried it back toward the children's room. She dropped off what was meant for the children before following Alex to another room, one that looked more like an office than a bedroom.
"I uh, the bed for this room is in storage. We'll have to pick it up tomorrow so that you'll have a place to sleep but you can put your stuff in here in the meantime. The closet is empty and the dresser should only have a few things in it that you can just move out of the way so you have space."
"Thanks." The detective glanced around, wondering how she was going to sleep in the room which was furnished with a bookshelf filled with law books and a few children's books, a large desk, and a chair. She figured she could push those against the wall and sleep on the floor with some blankets and maybe a sleeping bag if Alex could find one.
"I didn't plan ahead," Alex admitted as Olivia set down her stuff and started pulling out the clothes she had for Ben but didn't bother putting her own clothes in any drawers. "So you can sleep in my bed."
Olivia paused as she looked up at the blonde curiously. "I didn't think we were that close, Alex." Olivia's tone was light and teasing but Alex blushed just the same.
"I mean, I was going to sleep in bed with Ben. That way we can just drag the crib into that room and I'll be in the room with both of them. You'll be right next door in case they cry or anything."
"I could share the bed with Ben," Olivia suggested, only to see Alex press her lips tightly together. She watched the blonde fight the urge to cry. "Actually, your bed would be just fine, Alex. Thank you for offering it up."
She didn't want to cause the blonde any more grief that she was already facing and she had a feeling that all Alex wanted right now was to be as close as physically possible to the children. She leaned down and picked up some clothes before holding them up to show Alex. "If you don't mind…"
"Oh!" Alex recognized the clothes as a pair of sweats and a shirt and left the bedroom so that Olivia could have some privacy. She went into her own bedroom and followed Olivia's lead, pulling out a pair of shorts and one of Adam's t-shirts that he had left the last time he visited. She pulled off her blouse and skirt and slipped the shirt on, wrapping her arms around herself as she reveled in the smell of her best friend.
She closed her eyes for a moment and imagined that Adam was here now, holding her close and telling her that everything was going to be okay. He had done that for her for many years, after every heart break, family passing, or friend leaving. He was a constant to her, some one that would always be there no matter how dark the tunnel she was on seemed to get.
Except now.
Now she was alone.
Her soft sobs masked the sound of Olivia's footsteps in the hallway behind her. When the brunette saw her, her arms wrapped tightly around her body in nothing more than a t-shirt that barely covered her underwear, she almost turned around and left. But then she heard the soft cry for Adam and the curse at him for leaving her alone.
Her heart ached for the blonde and so she didn't resist her urge to comfort Alex. She stepped into her room, hesitantly, as if suddenly an alarm would go off and Alex would throw her out. When nothing happened and Alex didn't turn, she took another step closer, then another, until she was right behind Alex.
She whispered the blonde's name but she seemed to be lost in her own mind, repeatedly crying out for Adam. She walked around Alex and pulled her into her strong embrace, wrapping her arms tightly around Alex's shaking frame. "Adam…"
"Shh," Olivia whispered as she cupped the back of Alex's head with one hand, pulling her closer until the blonde's head was resting against the nook of her neck.
"Why'd you leave me…alone…I can't…"
"You're not alone," Olivia assured her, wondering if her words were falling on unheard ears. "I'm here, Alex."
"Please," Alex begged, her body finally sagging against the detective's. "Please…Allie…"
Olivia bit her lip, wondering if it would only make things worse. But when Alex broke out into a new round of sobs, she pulled her even closer. "Shh, Allie, it's okay. I'm here. I'll always be here for you."
The use of her nickname seemed to relax Alex for a moment and she tugged at Olivia's night shirt, steadying herself as she calmed her racing heart. After a few minutes, Olivia guided Alex to the spare bedroom where Ben and Lexie were still fast asleep. She helped the blonde lie down on the queen size bed, assuring her that everything would be okay.
Once she was settled, clinging to a pillow, Olivia carried the baby crib into the room and set it next to the bed. She then picked up Lexie, rocking her softly in her arms as she carried her into Alex's bedroom along with the bag of supplies that she had dropped off in the room earlier.
She pulled out a blanket and set it on the foot of the bed before putting down the sleeping girl. She quickly changed her diaper and put on a new one before slipping Lexie into a pair of pajamas that were slightly too big for the little girl since they were meant for eight month olds. One she was all wrapped up in a blanket, Olivia returned her to the crib which she had already covered in a sheet that Alex had bought along with the crib. She readjusted the pillows and set Lexie down, pulling a blanket over her and placing a small stuffed lamb in next to her.
Next she picked up Ben from the bed and carried his sleeping form to Alex's bedroom as well. She pulled his t-shirt off and set it to the side before taking off his pants as well. He stirred slightly, blinking as he looked up at Olivia. "Awntie 'ivia," He murmured, small hands coming up to rub his eyes. "Potty."
"Okay buddy," Olivia whispered as she picked him up and carried him to Alex's bathroom. She helped him use the bathroom before pulling on a pair of nighttime pull-ups. She returned to Alex's bedroom and pulled on his onesie and buttoned it up. The sleepy brunette reached up his arms and Olivia picked him up, carrying him back to the bedroom where Alex was fast asleep.
She set him down and pulled down the covers, slipping them over him. "Livia? Where teddy?" Olivia bit her lip as she looked down at sleepy brown eyes. He had gotten his eyes from Claire rather than Adam who had brilliant blue once much like Alex and Lexie.
"Teddy is sleeping over at someone else's house, Benjie. How about I give you another one that I got special for you?" He grinned slightly, sleepily as he nodded. She quickly slipped out of the room and grabbed the stuff elephant that she put into her duffel bag before coming over.
She returned to the sleepy boy and handed it over to open arms. He immediately pulled it close and snuggled into the plush toy. "Imma call you Ellie like Antie Allie…" He murmured, somehow remembering what his dad would always call his Auntie Lexie. Olivia smiled sadly as she glanced over at the blonde who was fast asleep.
She pressed a kiss to the top of Ben's forehead and then another to his cheek. "Go to sleep, Benjie," She whispered as she stroked his head softly until his eyes drooped shut. Olivia watched the two children sleep for a moment before moving over to Alex's side of the bed.
With a bit of effort, she pulled the covers out from under the blonde and readjusted them so that they were on top of her and Ben. She brushed back Alex's blonde locks which were clinging to her dried tears. Once her hair was pushed back, she kissed her forehead much like she had done to Ben. "Sleep well, Alex."
With that, she turned on the baby monitor that she had picked up at the store and propped it on the night stand, turning it on so that she could hear if anyone woke up. She carried the receiver into Alex's bedroom with her and set it on the bed side table.
Once she was sure it was on, she curled up in Alex's bed and grabbed onto one of her pillows, pulling it tightly against her chest. It was only then, under the darkness of the night and far enough away from the children and Alex that she allowed herself to cry.
She cried for two lost souls. She cried for a former victim who had overcome every obstacles against all odds. She cried for the nicest man she had ever met. She cried for a forever gone mother and father. She cried for a lost brother and sister. She cried for her lost friends.
Then she cried for Ben and Lexie.
And finally for Alex because while Ben and Lexie may be too young to understand their loss, Alex wasn't. It was something that she would carry with her for the rest of her life and every time she looked at the two beautiful children, victims of someone's bad decisions so young in life.
Sometimes she hated the world and those who belonged to it. Other times she had the naïve idea that she could protect them all. She already failed Ben and Lexie.
And that would wear on her own heart for the rest of her life.