Eriana had no concept of time as she drifted into and out of consciousness. From time to time, her consciousness would swim up out of her magically induced sleep into a sense of vague awareness. Around her would be the sounds of travel, of wagons and horses and people talking. Always, she would be lying back, her head resting against Nathaniel's chest, his strong arms wrapped gently around her as either Oghren or Niko fed her a thin broth before helping her drink one of Anders' potions. They would talk softly to her, assuring her that she was safe and that they were in control. Then Niko's magic would wash over her, easing her again into blissful unconsciousness. She never fought the pull of his magic. For the first time in a long time, probably since before Duncan had pulled her from the alienage and her father, she felt secure and safe, allowing herself to completely let go, allowing Nathaniel to take care of her, to take care of everything. She was simply too tired to do anything more.

She dreamed little during the days that passed. Those dreams she did have were always of her childhood, of her mother and brother. At times she dreamed she was sleeping in her father's warm embrace. She heard her brother's laughter and her mother's soft Antivan lullabies, and she felt at peace.

After a time, the flavor of the magic keeping her asleep began to change; it had a softer, more nurturing tenor to it. When she woke up this time, she was resting on a soft white pillow as the late afternoon light streamed in through the window of her room. Breathing deeply, Eriana glanced around her quarters, taking in the familiar sight of a room she never believed that she would see again. Beside her bed, a sleeping Oghren snored lightly, his heavy breaths stirring the red hair of his beard. His arms were folded across his chest, his feet propped up on the edge of her bed. Anders was on the other side of the room furiously scribbling down something on the table in front of him. She groaned softly when she tried to move a bit, and when his eyes shot up, she could see the fatigue in them. He was at her side in a moment, his glowing hands traveling over her body.

"How long," she whispered, careful not to wake the dwarf sleeping beside her. It was a futile effort. The moment Anders crossed the room, he was sitting up blinking at her, fatigue mingled with relief clear on his face as well.

"You would wait until Howe left," he muttered before adding something about fetching Nathaniel as he retreated from the room.

"That lot came dragging in here three days ago," he muttered, pausing for a moment to whisper another spell. "I think they pushed themselves and their horses to the point exhaustion just to get you back here. Niko was so worn out that he collapsed the moment I had you." Anders smiled down at her. "It was worth it though; they got you to me in three days."

"I've been out for six days, and home for three? It took me that long to wake back up."

"Sort of. I'm actually rather fond of Niko's patient care plan. Keep you lot knocked out so you're forced to heal. It's a pretty good idea; I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier." He smiled down at her after muttering another healing spell over her ribcage which, though still a bit tender, was feeling surprisingly good considering. "Listen, Ana, before Oghren gets back here with Nathaniel there was something that I wanted to ask you." He took a deep breath as if to steel himself. "Howe filled me in on some of the things that happened to you. There's a spell that the healers are taught in the Circles. We would use it with the women whenever the templars would get too...familiar. It's perfectly safe, but it ensures that there would be no lingering effects from your encounter with Temmerly and his cohorts."

Eriana's stomach sunk. "Am I…"

"Oh, no. At least not that I could tell. It's too early yet to detect anything, even with magic. With the darkspawn taint, it's likely that there's nothing to worry about anyway; I just wanted to give you the option."

Eriana sighed, mulling over Anders' offer. He was right. It had been three years since her Joining and nearly two since Asala's death. Chances are that the taint within her was strong enough to make it all a moot point, but what if? Yes, it could belong to Hayden or one of his thugs; the thought of having a human child from one of those men chilled her. However, chances were equally strong that Zander could have fathered it. Did she want a piece of him to keep forever, a constant reminder of yet another man who died for her?

"How long?"

Anders gave her a sad smile. "Only a few days more, I'm afraid. Once you're far enough along for me to detect something, it will be too late to intervene. I'm sorry, Ana. This was the last thing I wanted to burden you with right when you woke up, but I didn't want you to get bogged down with other details then it be too late."

"Do it," she said shortly. "I can't take the risk."

He nodded curtly and whispered a spell. In the depths of her belly, she felt a sharp pain, and then it felt as though her stomach lurched and flipped over. Running her hand over her stomach, she fought back tears. Zander was not Zevran, and any child that might have been would never have replaced the one she lost. She didn't think her heart could handle looking every day down into his eyes, knowing that he had been a means to an end, a balm on her injured soul. There had been plenty of time for her to think about her feelings in the days that followed Zander's death, and while she cared for him, he had never been what she truly needed. He was what she needed for the moment, and for that she would always hold a special place for him in her heart.

"So, what was the extent of my injuries?"

"Well, there was the obvious cracked ribs, four of them in fact. You had some rather serious internal bleeding in your abdomen that the portions kept under control till you got here. The biggest concern was a rather bad concussion; you're going to have headaches for the next few weeks until that clears up."

Eriana nodded, settling back into her pillows as Nathaniel followed Oghren into her room. "Ana, I am so sorry that we took so long. The trail went dead, and we were forced to rely on the taint to guide us. If we had just..."

"Nate, stop. There was no way we could have foreseen what happened. Temmerly and his group were far more prepared than we expected them to be. That was no one's fault but mine. I should have been more careful." She glanced up at the rogue. "Is everyone alright? Did we lose anyone?"

"Everyone is fine. We took them completely by surprise; none of them really had a chance to really put up a fight."

"Good, good. But what are we going to do about Eamon? It could be traced..."

Nathaniel smiled, "We've got it all taken care of. Ulfric took Eamon's carriage and a few guards back to the the King's Highway to stage an ambush; everyone should believe it was a simple bandit attack. Judging by the people we found with him, Eamon was traveling only with his personal guard, so it would be easy to assume that an ambush would work. Someone should have found him by now, so we should be getting word from Denerim about a state funeral. We will send Brendon along as our representative with your apologies, claiming an injury that prevents you from traveling. Alistair will be completely shielded from everything."

Eriana sighed in relief. Though she hadn't really had time to process all the implications of everything that happened to her, the thought of the impact this would have on Alistair haunted her. He was still so unsure about his rule sometimes; finding out that his chief advisor was attempting to kill his best friend would absolutely crush him. It could cause him to question everything about his rule, causing him to defer completely to Anora. Knowing her, the queen could use this to push Alistair to the side.

"Also, only those of us on the rescue mission know the details of what happened. Everyone understands the possible implications should the truth of what happened escape. The rest of the Keep, senior wardens excluded, don't even realize you were abducted."

"Good. Keep it that way. I'm pretty sure we can focus on moving forward now without fear of backlash. Nate, how long was it before you found me? Everything is so jumbled together; I have no idea how much time passed."

"It took us seven days to locate you. We lost your scent in the woods and were forced to rely on the pull of the taint in you. If Ulfric hadn't been with us, there would have been no way we would have found you."

Eriana gave them a weak smile. "That was a good call then. Thank you for getting to me."

Nathaniel sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at her, the exhaustion evident on his face. "How are you feeling, really feeling?"

"Sore, a little embarrassed that I let them get the better of me, relieved that it is over. I feel bad about Zander; there was no reason for him to die like he did. I should have known better than that; it's just that I was getting so desperate..."

"Stop. Zander knew the risk he was taking. He was an assassin; he understood better than most the risks the came with our plan. We grossly underestimated our enemy, but the blame for his death does not lie solely on you. Here," he said, handing her a small bundle. "I got this from Zander when we came across his body. I thought that you may want something to remember him by."

Eriana reached out and took the bundle from Nathaniel's hand. Unwrapping it, she smiled at the ring and amulet that lay on her lap. The amulet was onyx, cut in the shape of a crow in flight while the ring was a silver band with intricate engraving encircling the band. Turning the ring around, she saw a message engraved on the inside. In Antivan it read, "My Brother and Friend - Zev." Eriana's breath caught in her throat. "Nate, have you looked at this?"

Her fellow rogue shook his head and took the ring from her hand. "I just pocketed it to give it to you. I had a bit more on my mind to worry about jewelry." Taking a second, he examined the ring and the inscription, an audible sigh escaping him as he looked up. "I don't read Antivan very well, but I recognize the last word for sure."

"Do you think it means he had a hand in Zander coming here? Could this have been some misguided attempt to protect me." Eriana asked, not trusting herself to say his name.

"I know that you want to believe that, and for your sake I hope that it is the case. However, this could be a coincidence. Zander and Zeran are the same age, so they likely went through Crow training together. They could have forged a friendship there that fell apart after Zevran left the Crows. I could see keeping something like this as a memento of an old friend." Nathaniel looked up at her. "I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but…" Nathaniel ran his hand through his hair, "Ana I don't want you to get your hopes up needlessly. You've been doing so well; I just don't want you falling back into that downward spiral you were in months ago."

Eriana took the ring back and rolled it over her fingers for a few moments, looking pensively at it. Of course he was right; she was grasping at straws. The Crows weren't a massive organization; the chances of the two of them knowing each other were very good. This ring didn't mean Zevran was actively working to protect her. It was just another reminder of a past that she needed to let go. Zander was the same. He was simply a substitute for Zevran; a constant reminder of the man who had abandoned her. "Nathaniel, could you go into my wardrobe and get the wooden box on the top shelf?"

Taking a deep breath, she caressed the top of the box, trying to summon the courage to open the box for the first time in nearly a year. Pushing open the lid, she gently lifted the small leather pouch that rested almost reverently on top. Inside it were the ashes of Asala. "Such a little thing," she said, bringing the pouch to her lips before looking in the box. Inside were a few other personal mementos: a handkerchief of her father's, a hair clasp belonging to her mother, and the Antivan coin Zevran had given her during the Blight. Almost reverently, she laid in the ring inside before replacing the leather pouch and lid. Brushing back a tear, she handed the box back to Nathaniel. "I can't linger on hope. Not any more; not if I'm ever going to move forward."

Nathaniel gave her a light kiss on the forehead before returning the box to her closet. "I don't want you to worry about anything. I've got it all covered; you just focus on getting better."

Eriana nodded. "Will you stay tonight," she asked as he turned to leave.

Nathaniel seemed to be surprised at the request. "Ana, are your sure. I mean after everything that happened, I just assumed..."

"No, I think I need you here. I don't think that I need to be alone. I mean, I can't be alone. Please."

"Of course, Ana. I'll see you tonight."

-0-

The next week passed in a blissful blur of restful, peaceful days. Eriana allowed herself to simply relax, letting Nathaniel and her Wardens handle the day to day business of running the Arling and the order. About five days into her recovery, a raven arrived with the news of Eamon's death, requesting her presence in Denerim for the funeral. To her surprise, the letter didn't come from the Crown, but it was a personal letter from Teagan himself. Eriana drafted a reply expressing her condolences to the new Arl and begging his forgiveness for being unable to attend. It was one of the few tasks she took on herself; after all, Teagan had always been a good friend and deserved a personal response from her. The official story that was being sent was the she had suffered a major fall from her horse while she was out on patrol. The animal was suddenly spooked, throwing her forward before trampling her. It also the official story that the Wardens were being told in case someone questioned them about it.

As she finished the letter, she glanced up at Nathaniel who was sitting at her bureau, his feet propped up as he read through a series of messages from around the arling. "Nate, you're going to hate this, but I'm going to need a favor of you."

He lowered the papers and glanced over at her. "I can't imagine you asking anything of me that I would hate. What do you need?"

"Well," Ana said meekly, "I need you to go to Denerim and attend the funeral with Brendan." The rogue on the other side of the room gave her an incredulous look. "See, I told you that you would hate it."

"Hate it, no, not exactly, but don't you think it would be kind of awkward. I mean I did kill the man."

"Oh, I'm sure it will be extremely awkward, but I still need you there." Nathaniel started to speak, but Eriana held up a hand to stop him. "Like it or not, if you aren't there people will start to ask questions, and Brendan won't be able to field the questions as well as you could."

"He'll do fine. As far as he knows, what he'll be saying is the truth."

"I know, but that doesn't mean that he won't be forced to deal the nobles and all their crap." Eriana said with a sigh. "Just think about it this way; if I was going to this, who would be with me?"

"I would," Nathaniel conceded, "but that doesn't mean I have to go with Brendan."

"Yes it does. Nate, my absence can easily be explained, even excused, but if we are both absent, it might raise suspicions."

Nathaniel grunted angrily. "Brendan can say that I was uncomfortable about leaving you while you were injured."

"Yes, and if that didn't bring Alistair charging up here, I don't know what would. This has to be portrayed as something minor enough to not arouse concern, but serious enough to keep me from going to the capital. If Alistair thinks that it is serious, he will feel compelled to come check on me, and you know it." She looked down at her hands as they rested on her lap. "I know that I will have to face Alistair eventually, and I know that I will keep this from him, but I don't think I'm up for it yet. He can read me too well, and I just haven't really processed this enough to hide it. Besides, Brendan represents the military side of the Wardens while you represent our current political interests. It will look bad if you are not there. Plus, you will know what to look out for in case anybody suspects foul play. Nate, I need you to do this."

"Will you be be okay here without me?"

"Of course. Our senechal has taken over most of the day to day business of the keep, and the arling is becoming relatively self-sufficient. Couple that with the fact that I will be surrounded by most of the Warden contingent as well as our standing army, and I think that I will be just fine. Really, Nate, you worry too much."

Nathaniel let out a long sigh. "It isn't your safety or the functioning of the Arling that I was concerned about. I'm concerned about you. Will YOU be alright with me leaving you alone."

Eriana nodded, trying her best to seem confident. In truth, she was rather concerned about the prospect of being without Nathaniel for what would likely turn out to be several weeks. His continued presence had been one of the few things that had kept the panic and depression at bay. With him gone, she was unsure how well she would cope. However, his presence at the funeral was too important to sacrifice for her temporary comfort. His going could secure their position and ensure their continued safety. "I've been doing much better…"

"Liar," Nathaniel muttered, shaking his head. Eriana started slightly as she glanced over at him. "Don't think that I don't feel you trembling during the night; that I don't notice the way you start when anyone other than me or Anders touches you. You still have a long way to go."

"And plenty of time to do it," Eriana pointed out. "I will miss you, of course, but this is too important."

With a small, resigned huff, Nathaniel nodded and stood up. "I suppose that means that I need to go pack. I will talk with Brendan and finalize our arrangements."

"Thank you, Nathaniel," she said with a smile. The human rogue simply smiled and gave her a small kiss on the forehead. She watched him leave before rolling over and pulling the covers over her. It would not do for him to see her cry should he come back in; not now that he agreed to going to Denerim. No, best get it out before he came in for the night.

She was had fallen into a fitful sleep long before he returned, slipping into her bed and wrapping his arms around her. Only then did she begin to settle and sleep peacefully.

-0-

There was something going on with Anders, Eriana noticed. The mage had always been a bit, well, for lack of a better word, twitchy. He was more easily spooked than that cat of his and always looked like he would turn tail and run at the drop of a hat. Still, over the past year or so, it seemed to her that he had been settling in, especially now that they had set up the arrangement with the local templars to allow non-circle affiliated mages to live freely in Amaranthine. Now, however, something was off, different. She wasn't surprised, then, when he came to her late one night, asking to talk.

He was sitting beside her bed, fiddling with the tassels on his robes. The apprehension and tension in his eyes made her rather nervous. "Why don't you just start at the beginning, Anders. I'm sure whatever's troubling you can't be that bad."

The blonde mage just shook his head. "Oh, how I wish you were right, Ana." Sighing, he straightened up and looked at her. "You remember Justice?"

Eriana was taken aback. This was definitely not the direction she assumed the conversation would take off in. Pulling herself together, she nodded. "Sure. It's hard to forget a spirit who reanimates a dead body and starts to follow you around, but why do you ask? Justice has been missing since the attack on the Keep; a large section of wall fell on him, crushing him and his borrowed body."

"Well, it turns out that the wall didn't kill him. It severed his connection to Kristoff's body and sent him into the nearest living body, that of a darkspawn alpha. He fled the battle and has been avoiding civilization, fearful of spreading the blight sickness to anyone he came into contact with. I happened to run into him just outside the keep when I was collecting potion reagents. That was when he told me of his problem. He was still stuck in our realm, unable to re enter the fade. He was forced to move from body to body, but always those of dead things. Eventually, they would decay to the point that he would be forced out and into another. Try as he might, he was unable to force his way into the living."

"Okay, so where do you come in?"

Anders looked down. "I suggested that maybe that was because the host wasn't willing. A willing host may be able to act as a vessel."

A look of horrified understanding crossed her face. "Anders, you didn't. Please tell me you didn't!"

The mage nodded, looking down at his hands clasped in his lap. "I did. I offered to allow him to share my body. I mean, how bad could it be? He is an incarnation of justice itself."

"But he's a spirit. Anders that makes you an abomination in the eyes of the Chantry, benevolent spirit or no." Eriana shook her head, the gears in her head spinning quickly. "We mustn't tell anyone about this. Conscription may not be enough to protect someone who is hosting a spirit."

"That's just it, Ana; I didn't come to you to ask for extra protection."

"Okay, then why did you bring this to my attention? Did he fool you? Is it an actual demon? I mean is there any way to exorcise it without killing you? Could we send someone into the fade and destroy? That was an option with Conner, but we didn't have the resources to attempt it. We could try it now, though."

"Ana, no. I didn't come to you for assistance." Anders seemed to be collecting his thoughts for a moment. "Joining with Justice was a conscious decision. I knew that he was concerned about the condition of mages, about the injustice that we face every single day. I believed that together we could achieve justice for them, a life free of the circles."

Eriana threw up her hands. "What do you think we've been doing here, Anders? I understand better than most non-mages the struggles you face. That's why I've worked to create a haven for all kinds of mages here. I know that they still have to be around Templars, but is that not better than the circles. At least they're allowed freedom to move about and live with their families. They're working as healers and guardsmen, opportunities that would have never been available to them before. The Templars are there to appease the Chanrty and the townspeople, but as everyone adjusts to their presence and sees their value, the Templars will become less necessary."

"I know. What you are doing here has shown me what is truly possible."

"I'm confused. If you are happy with what is happening here, then why did you do this?"

Anders shook his head, not daring to meet her eyes. "Because it's simply not enough. It's not enough to change the lives of the few mages who live here. I know that they are in good hands here with you."

"Anders, I'm not sure what..." Eriana stopped dead, a rock forming in the pit of her stomach. "You're leaving, aren't you? That's what this is all about."

Finally raising his eyes, Anders met her gaze. There was a faint luminescence behind his eyes that she had never seen there before. "I can't stay here, not when so many of my kind are suffering elsewhere. I have to help them, Ana."

"Help them here, Anders. If we can show the world that this works, we can change people's minds. Help us make this work, please. We need you here."

The blonde mage shook his head. "No you don't. You're the Hero of Ferelden; if anyone can make this succeed, it's you. I'm not going to be enough help here, so how can I just stay when there are so many mages suffering elsewhere?"

Eriana cocked her head and looked up at him. "Is this his doing because you seemed fine, excited even about staying here long-term? Is he forcing this?"

"No, he's not, he can't force me to do anything that I don't want to do. This was always something I've been passionate about; Justice has just helped bring that into focus."

Eriana gave a weak sigh, trying to force down the tears that were threatening to surface. Anders had been there for her since her first day in Amaranthine, and now he was abandoning her. It seemed that everyone in her life couldn't wait to escape from her. "Anders, if you do this, I cannot help you. And I can't cover for you either. You do realize that, don't you? If you run, abandon the Wardens, forsake the oath you took, I cannot ignore it. Please reconsider."

"I'm sorry, Ana. My mind is made up. There are those out there who need me more than you do. Please forgive me. If you could see how terrible things are in places like..."

Eriana stopped him. "No, Anders, no exact locations. It would be better if I had no idea where you were headed or even considering. That way I don't have to lie in my report." She glanced up at him, a serious look on her face. "And I will have to send to Wisshaup; you realize that, right? I can't just let you go and say nothing. If I don't, the truth will come out, and we could lose everything that we have worked for here."

Anders nodded. "I understand. I am sorry that I've put you in this position. After everything you've done for me, I know it seems like I am ungrateful, but, Ana, realize this, leaving you, leaving all of you, is the hardest thing that I have ever done. I've run away from the circle dozens of times, and I've done it without a second thought. Now, though, for the first time ever, I feel like I'm leaving behind true friends, and that is almost enough to keep me here."

"I'm sorry I'm not enough for you, then."

Anders sat next to her on the bed, taking her face in his hands. "If it was just me, you would be, but it's not just me anymore. Justice demands more, and I find it difficult to deny him."

Eriana nodded sadly. "Just promise me that you've thought about what you're doing. You are planning to take on the entire Chantry by yourself. You are abandoning everyone who could possibly assist or protect you in this."

"I know, but Ana, it's just something that I have to do."

"Take care of yourself, Anders," she said, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. "And Justice, I swear to the Maker, if you get him killed, I will scour the fade and destroy you."

The mage gave her a sad nod before turning to leave the room. It was a long and sleepless night for Eriana with no one there to keep the nightmares at bay. In the few moments when she managed to sleep, she found herself back in that dark cabin, but this time, Anders was standing there, watching before turning and walking away. When the Keep awoke the next morning, Anders was gone. None of the guardsmen or Wardens on duty had seen him leave; his room was simply empty when Petra stopped by to ask him a question. Another person gone from Eriana's life.