DAY NINE – 6 contestants / 1 to be eliminated (PART 2)
"I see just by looking at your faces that some of you may have swept the dust under the rug, and I'm about to find out! And I'm not talking about your housekeeping skills, no no!"
Mello was delighted. He didn't care much for most of the contestants, and the questions he was about to ask were only for the show, although he was sure that shit would be hitting the fan for some of them and that it would probably be fun.
No, the one he was interested in the most was Matt's ex. The redhead was looking awful, and the singer expected big revelations, considering the state Matt was in. He wouldn't be so worried if he had nothing to hide.
Mello ignored the little pang in his chest. If Matt had lied, or wasn't at all like he pretended to be, so what? It was just a game, nothing serious. It would only be natural that Matt was as fake as the others, he was pretty convincing but still... And Matt had said it himself, he was here on a dare. No need to get worked up.
Danny approached and said something to Mello's ear.
"Okay guys, the bus is here, we're leaving!"
"Hey, why did you ask us to clean the whole place if we're going out?!" David objected.
"Just because." Mello retorted, giving him a lopsided look before focusing back on Matt. The redhead was really in a bad place right now, it was going beyond nervousness, and it made Mello even more impatient to question his ex.
Everyone was now installed at a table in a hype bar in the center of Hollywood, several cameras shooting from different angles. The boys occupied one side while their ex faced them, and Mello, as usual, was sitting at one end, ruling the crowd at the king's place. He had made sure to have Matt and his ex the farthest from him, so he could see them interact at the other end of the table, being far enough so they might be more natural together than if he was too close. But Matt just stared at his glass, avoiding anyone's look, while his ex stared at him with a smirk. All of the redhead's confidence was gone. Out of character from what Mello knew of Matt, but interesting...
Taking turns with the exes, Mello sat with each of them, one after the other, at the bar. He didn't get much from Joshua and David's exes, the guys were so boring... he did learn though that Tribal Tattoo, whose name he never seemed to remember, had been arrested several times for theft. That alone was boring as well, but the funny part was that Tribal Tattoo had been caught stealing make up and chick magazines. Mello laughed so hard that Tribal Tattoo didn't even have to hear what his ex had said to know what they were talking about.
Charly though, Mello would never have expected it: the mohawk boy had a four years old autistic daughter and had come in the show for the money, not Mello. He was desperate to earn as much as possible because she was placed in a private institute and it cost him a lot, and his job didn't pay enough, so the state would soon misplace her in a state-run institute with lesser care. He was there on his days off as a last chance because he was close to burnout after working two day jobs seven days a week and still not making enough money.
There was a verbal fight between Charly and his ex after that, Charly not happy that his ex had revealed these informations, and worried that he would be thrown out because of that. While they were talking, Mello sent Danny out, and resumed the one on one with the exes. The best part was coming: Matt's ex.
The guy sat, obviously pleased to be there, and Mello expected him to spit everything out pretty quickly since it was apparent that he was there for that.
"So, Chris, right?" Mello began, looking at the notes in his hand, "From what I know, you dated Matt two years ago. Why did you guys break up?"
The tall guy laughed softly, shaking his head: "He was such a whiny little bitch, I couldn't stand his face anymore... He was never happy with anything I did, always complaining, always tired, always this and that, it was really exhausting to have to fight all the time."
"He didn't give me that impression." Mello stated flatly. He didn't know what to reply to that, because he didn't expect a reason like this one.
"He's good at pretending."
Mello winced. So he might have been fooled by Matt. Mmh. Not good.
"How long did you stay together?"
"Eight months. He came to live with me after two months, and six months of life together got the best of me, I threw him out when it became obvious he would never make an effort to make it work."
"What did he do?"
"Nothing! He never did anything of what I told him! And the worst was that his friends were always in the middle, going to his head, and setting him against me."
Mello was skeptical. Of course, he hadn't known Matt for a long time, but something was off. He didn't have a good vibe with Matt's ex, he had only said negative stuff and that alone was alerting the singer. It could as well have been a settling of scores between the two, Chris being too prompt to badmouth him for it to be natural. But Matt looked more than alarmed when he had seen his ex so really, Mello was torn, and didn't know what to believe.
"I see you coming," Chris said, probably sensing that he had gone a bit far, "Why did I stay with him for so long if it was that horrible, right?"
"That's exactly what I was wondering." Mello sipped his drink, careful not to say too much to let Chris choose the direction of the conversation by himself. Best way to learn things...
"I take it that you haven't fucked him yet?"
Mello deposited his drink on the counter of the bar, and stared at Chris. The latter, unfazed, went on.
"Seriously dude, do it. You'll understand why I held on for so long even if it didn't work out."
Mello chuckled. That was some interesting information. Although he doubted that Matt would be happy to know what had just been said.
"Thinking about it, if you don't want him for yourself, I'd gladly take him back, at least for a last fuck, damn, I miss his bed skills." Matt's ex sighed, gulping the rest of his beer.
Mello didn't reply to that. He was a little turned on that Matt seemed to be a really good fuck, and his mind was already wandering... but the conversation had taken a nasty turn, and really, this guy was a little too enthusiastic at ruining Matt's chances in the show. Resentment alone didn't explain it, if there was any.
"Anything else to say about him?" Mello insisted.
"Not really... he's a drama queen, that's all there is to him."
"'kay." Mello simply said before sliding off his stool and gesturing Chris to go and sit back at the table.
He wasn't sure he believed all of that. Matt, a drama queen... that didn't fit with what he had seen until now, and the redhead would be a really good actor if he could pull off a personality at the complete opposite of what he was. Matt was smart, the singer didn't doubt that, but playing him to the point that he hadn't noticed it, no, that was too far fetched. But he'd be on his guards from now on for sure.
"Let's eat!" Mello sat back at the table as well, his words being the cue for the waiters to bring food. While Mello was talking to Chris, all the others had been able to chat together, and Joshua and David seemed a lot more relaxed since nothing really bad had been said about them. Tribal Tattoo was slightly sulking, although he was pretty sure he was safe since it was now a known fact that Charly wasn't there for Mello, and it was a reason good enough to be eliminated in his eyes. Matt kept silent, and maybe he had it worse, none of the others knew since Chris was the last to talk to Mello and hadn't given anything away to them.
The atmosphere was a lot less tensed as everyone ate. Everyone except Matt, Mello noticed. The redhead was looking down at his plate, picking at his food. He was pale as a sheet. Was he sick? Or maybe everything that Chris had said was true, and Matt knew he was screwed?
Mello wasn't so hungry anymore all of a sudden...
The singer observed Matt for a moment. Something piqued his curiosity: Matt's hand, as he took his glass of water, was trembling. As he put the glass back on the table, his eyes crossed Chris' for a second, and the way Matt looked away made Mello's heart wring: Matt was not worried. He was scared.
Mello's eyes fell on Chris, trying to understand what was going on, but Matt's ex only had a smirk on, the same he had had from the beginning.
Matt started, and Chris' smirk turned to a grin. A nasty looking grin. Nothing apparent had happened, and Mello could only guess, by the way Matt straightened in his seat as if trying to put more distance between him and his ex, that Chris was actually doing something under the table. Playing footsy?
Mello didn't like that, at all.
Matt stood up and went to the bathroom, his haste telling Mello that Matt didn't like it either.
Mello didn't have time to ponder as Danny came back and took him apart. After a quick conversation, Mello nodded, and invited Danny to sit and eat with them.
Mello was about to go back to his seat when he noticed that Matt wasn't back from the bathroom, and that Chris was missing as well... He wasn't sure what was happening, but the first idea that came to his mind... no, they wouldn't do that here under his nose?
Mello seethed. He took the direction of the bathroom as well, ready to throw Matt out of the bar, and out of the show. If the bastard thought he could do that to him, he was very wrong.
Pushing the door, Mello expected to see the two engaged in something sexual, or at least a kiss, and plaster or not, somebody would get punched.
But he found Matt even paler than before, his back against the farthest wall, shaking, terror in his eyes. Chris was merely standing in front of him, and was bringing a hand to Matt's cheek softly, the redhead turning his head, trying to avoid the contact, tears spilling as he closed his eyes tightly.
"Stop..." Matt's voice was just a whisper.
Mello suddenly understood.
In a split second, he was on Chris, pushing him away from Matt. The boy's back hit the door of a booth, and Mello punched him in the face. His plaster broke under the shock. Chris' nose and mouth were bleeding and he brought his hands to his face, giving Mello a dark look before launching himself at the singer.
Despite the pain, Mello sent Chris to the floor, and tried to choke him by pushing his forearm against his throat.
"IF YOU EVER TOUCH HIM AGAIN I WILL KILL YOU!" he screamed, uncontrollably punching Chris with his left hand again and again, while his right arm was pinning the guy down, pressing on his trachea.
Chris stopped fighting back at some point, completely knocked out, but Mello wouldn't stop. He was in such a fury that he didn't see straight anymore.
Luckily, Danny had heard the screams and was now pulling Mello off Matt's ex, trying to get him to calm down.
Mello, breathing heavily, stood next to Danny who was still holding his arm to make sure he wouldn't go back at the boy, while some other guys checked on Chris and helped him out, fast, before Mello killed him for good.
Danny didn't question Mello or Matt. He had a pretty good idea of what had happened, and his main concern was that now he had to make sure Chris wouldn't file a complain against Mello.
"Go." Mello said to Danny suddenly, not even looking at him, yanking his arms out of his right hand man's grasp.
"Come with me. I need to drive you to the hospital." Danny replied. Mello's right hand was in a pretty poor shape. And he had to follow Chris anyway, to prevent anything from leaking outside of the show.
"Leave us alone. I'll go later."
Danny knew it was useless to insist, and he left, giving a last look at Matt, who was still backed against the wall, shaking and sobbing. Fuck, he didn't have time for that, Chris was already out of the bar with the guys from the staff and they wouldn't wait for him.
That show had been such a bad idea... hopefully Matt wouldn't be the next one to raise problems, but Danny wasn't so sure, considering the state the redhead was in. But he had worse to take care of right now, so he left finally.
Mello was in pain but he was still under the rush of adrenaline so he didn't really care for it now. He approached Matt carefully, calling his name softly.
"Matt... it's okay, he's gone. Matt, you're safe now, I promise."
Slowly, he brought his left hand to Matt's hair, barely touching them at first, not wanting to elicit a violent reaction. But Matt recoiled, keeping his head down.
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault." Mello stated, sliding his fingers in Matt's hair, his palm against his cheek.
Matt ignored the reply.
"What a sight huh? A grown up guy scared of his ex... quite the turn off, right?" Matt chuckled sadly, but Mello knew Matt's train of thoughts. He was familiar with the process.
"Matt, stop that. I can imagine what he did to you if you're that afraid of him, and had I known that, I would never have let him anywhere near you. It's not your fault, you did nothing wrong. Not before, not now. He's responsible for that, not you."
Matt's arms found Mello's waist suddenly, and he started to cry against his shoulder.
Mello held him as tight as he could, his valid hand stroking his hair while he deposited little kisses on his temple.
"It's okay now." he whispered. He was angry, oh so angry. At Chris for doing that to Matt, and he probably did a lot, no one reacts like that to the sole presence of another person except when they've been physically beaten; and at himself for bringing Chris here. Well, the production had been in charge of finding the exes but he had agreed on that part of the show anyway so he had his part of responsibility.
"I tried to stay calm as long as we were all together, he wouldn't do anything with so many people around..." Matt held on to Mello a little tighter, still sobbing, "What was I thinking, coming here alone, of course he would follow!"
"Hey, shhh, stop blaming yourself Mattie, you've done nothing wrong."
"I'm so stupid!" Matt was shaking, his hands gripping the back of Mello's tee-shirt.
Blaming yourself when you're the victim, Mello knew that all too well, he was a member, and regular visitor for children of the Make a Wish foundation and many other institutions, some dealing with victims of abuse, and he had seen how devastating abuse can be, and the insidious effects on the mind.
He also knew that whatever he would say was useless, Matt wasn't able to hear any of that for now, he was still in panic, and reason would be nowhere to be found until the stress was gone.
Matt calmed down after a few minutes, and straightened to look at Mello.
He didn't know where to start. Mello had brought the guy here, and then he had protected him against said guy, so Matt was really confused. Why had Mello done that?
But for now, he was exhausted, and just happy that Chris was gone. All he wanted was to go back to the mansion and slide into bed, and forget that at least for a few hours of sleep.
Mello pecked his lips. Matt didn't reply to the kiss this time, but withdrew from Mello instead. Now that the initial fear was gone and rational thoughts were slowly getting back into his mind, Matt wasn't sure he wanted to be near Mello. Actually, he wasn't sure he wanted to be in the show at all. He felt pathetic. Pathetic that he would still react like that in Chris' presence, that he was still scared shitless that his ex would hit him, that all this time passed since he had ran away from him after Chris almost killed him was for nothing. He thought he was over it, he even dated other guys since then, and there he was, a pathetic mess, someone that could retaliate but didn't do it, paralysed by fear.
But Mello wasn't leaving Matt alone for now. Danny was gone, the guys were unattended at the table still, but there was no way he'd let Matt alone. Mostly because Matt was not in a state where he could be left on his own, but also because he could feel the redhead slipping through his fingers, and he wouldn't let that happen.
Pulling out his phone, he called the production, got someone sent to drive the exes back to their hotel, the other contestants back to the mansion, and another car for him and Matt.
"Please, sit here, I'll fetch something to drink." Mello said to Matt, gesturing to the bed, once they had both passed the door of the back entrance to the singer's apartments.
Matt, although clearly not well disposed toward Mello, had followed him in the car and here in his room without a word, mostly because it was his best option compared to going back with the other contestants. He didn't want to face them. He sat down, still silent.
Mello went to the small bar in the corner of the room and poured a glass of Jack Daniels, handing it out to Matt.
"Drink."
Matt gulped the whole glass without objection, grimacing. Taking the empty glass from his hands, Mello put it aside before sitting beside him.
"Why did you do that?" Matt suddenly seemed to come back to his senses, "Why would you fucking do that?!"
His voice was rising, and now he was practically yelling at Mello, standing up and facing him, his voice husky and eyes watering again: "You thought it would be amusing? You wanted to play the knight coming to the rescue? Why for fuck's sake?!"
Mello stood up as well, Matt beginning to cry again. He was not over the shock, but he was now rational enough that he understood appearances were against Mello, and the singer knew it. He wanted to hold the redhead in his arms but now was not the right moment, Matt would reject him. He wouldn't be able to get away from this without explaining himself.
"Matt, I swear, I didn't know it was like that between your ex and you! I'm horrified for what happened, I would never have done that on purpose!"
"And you think I'm going to believe you? You've been proving to us everyday that you love your little games!"
"Matt, please..." Mello couldn't stand the hurt he saw in Matt's eyes. He knew that erasing it wouldn't be easy, because Matt had been terrified, and the aftershock would remain for a few hours still, and he hadn't been particularly reliable himself until now so pretty much everything was against him, but he just couldn't leave things like that. He tried to come closer. He wasn't a talker and despite the fact that Matt didn't want to be touched right now, Mello didn't know what else to do expect hug him, and show him that he was truly sorry.
"You've used Lou, you've cheated challenges so many times, sometimes you even border on crazy, and I'm supposed to believe you? Fuck you and your little games, I'm done with that shit!"
Matt started to walk to the door, but a hand caught his arm, yanking him backwards. He turned around, fear rising in his eyes again.
"Matt, no... no, I'm not letting you go!"
Matt was lost. The residual fear was telling him that he wasn't safe, Mello's past actions were telling him that he had been played all along...
He backed off until his back was against the door, Mello coming close, a hand against the wood to prevent Matt from leaving.
Looking down, Matt shook his head, trying to convince himself that he'd better go for good, that he should have been gone for long actually, that he should never have participated to the selections to begin with. He was in such a mess right now, back to the same square he was in two hears ago, unable to get a hold of himself although he was an adult, and he wasn't even in a place where he felt safe, and the only person around was a psycho.
"Why didn't you tell me as soon as you saw him?" Mello suddenly asked.
Matt looked up, surprised. Part of him knew that the question was legitimate, but another part was finding the request obnoxious, accusing.
"Are you implying this is all my fault?"
"No, I would never do that and you know it, I know you were scared, and I only wonder why you thought you could deal with that alone, why you never ask for help when you need. I know I haven't exactly been giving you the impression that you could trust me, but Danny? Or anyone else from the staff? Damn, Matt...it scares me too, you know?"
Matt stared at Mello, who was the one looking down now.
"Matt, the day I... was a bit rough with Lou, you intervened, and now I wonder how you could do that when I know about your past, I mean, I'm sure you were terrified and still you put yourself between him and me, why? What if I had hurt you instead?"
"I knew you wouldn't. Not on purpose at least." Matt was slowly beginning to understand what was going on in the musician's head right now.
Mello came even closer to the redhead, his valid hand leaving the door to snake around Matt's waist.
"Even now, you're not scared of me."
"No, I'm not. Just like I wasn't in the bar's bathroom. I know where this is going Mello, I'm not stupid, you do everything for me not to runaway, and now that you feel I'm going to stay you try to push me away, just like you always do. At some point you will have to decide if you let me close or if you want to protect me from yourself, I might have limited trust in you but you have zero for yourself it seems."
Mello was the one to stare now, taken aback. He hadn't seen that coming, and couldn't help the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Matt's mind and intuition were a wonderful thing, and... Fuck.
Matt, now pretty sure that he wasn't close to leaving the show - and he regretted that he just couldn't cut all ties with Mello, even if it would be the most rational thing to do – smiled back.
"Look at us... pathetic." he chuckled.
"I'm still not done with this conversation." Mello became serious again.
"Oh? So now you're the one who wants to talk?" Matt teased him, but if Mello wanted a discussion, he wouldn't say no, maybe they could clear a point or two.
"Matt, for once I'm gonna be serious, I can't decide what I really want because if you leave I... I don't know, it would suck, but if you stay, and I blow up again, what will happen? I will once more try to convince you to stay, and we'll be back to where we are now."
"For fuck's sake, can you name things once and for all Mello?" Matt laughed. Mello was dead serious, but he was still beating around the bush like he always did.
Mello withdrew, and the expression in his eyes told Matt that the singer was still not ready to make up his mind, or at least call things by their name, and that he hadn't appreciated Matt's comment.
"Don't be mad at me, I have no clue why you flew off the handle that day with Lou, I don't know what you want from me exactly, I don't understand why you cheat challenges and why you ignore me the way you do most of the time, so... I'm staying, it's pretty obvious that no matter how complicated things are I can't seem to put a halt to it, but don't be mad at me for pointing out that you're a giant riddle to me right now."
Mello's stance changed suddenly. His shoulders, hunched, his head, low, everything about him looked far from the self assured asshole he usually was, and it shocked Matt.
"I'm not gonna tell you everything because I still have limited trust and I can't help it, but let's say that what I want is to trust you. Then I can answer your questions."
"Then, what can I do for you to trust me? I'll sign what you want..."
"It's not about that." Mello's voice came out weak.
Matt approached Mello and took his face in his palms, forcing the singer to look at him.
"Tell me then?"
"I don't trust anyone by nature, not even Danny..."
Matt was surprised.
"I thought that you'd at least trust him of all people..."
"He doesn't know the reason why I blow out sometimes, I never told him."
"Why? He's close to you from what I have seen, more than just your staff."
"He's more or less like a father to me, yes. But what if he decides to turn his back on me?"
Matt sighed.
"Mello, the one you don't trust is you, that is your problem. Whatever it is that you don't want to tell him or me, you don't think that people will stick with you when they know. You're actually just scared that people don't appreciate you enough to stay once they know. Am I wrong?"
"I hate you."
"I know that. I'm the annoying little mosquito buzzing at your ear with truths you don't want to hear."
Mello laughed softly. "I wonder why Danny made me spend so much on a shrink."
"In all seriousness, I knew that day that you didn't really want to hurt anyone physically, I must admit that I first reacted on impulse, and that once the door closed I was really scared, but you kissed me back, it was violent, but it wasn't mean, you were trying to deal with your feelings, with yourself, not someone else. I have no idea what it was that you were doing, but I know what it wasn't. And it wasn't abuse."
"I could still hurt you physically."
"And I can defend myself. I might have been helpless with Chris because he has that effect on me, but you don't, I can fight you back, I'm sorry to say it but you're half his size, Mello."
Mello gave Matt a dark look, but it wasn't even convincing to the redhead, he knew he had a point and Mello wasn't mad this time, he was just pretending to be.
"Listen Mello, I'll deal with it whether you tell me what it is or not, and I can even deal with all the rest, the cheating, ignoring me, because somehow you're trying so hard that I think the game and what is happening here right now are two different things, but if you can't make up your mind, I can."
Mello looked at Matt intensively, scared of what he was going to say.
"The choice is yours: I leave the show, and we forget about each other because it's never going to work out if you don't trust yourself, or I stay and you tell me right now, no beating around the bush, if you have feelings for me, and if so, what they are. With actual words. No bullshit."
Mello shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other.
"I'll tell you. But call someone to drive me to the hospital now, please. I'll tell you when I'm back."
For an instant, Matt thought that Mello was trying to get out of it again, until his eyes fell on the singer's hand.
It was all shades of blue and purple, swollen, and Mello was more than obviously in an excruciating pain.
"For fuck's sake why didn't you tell me earlier?!" Matt scolded him, immediately leaving the room to fetch someone from the staff outside.