Title: A Journey on Broken Ideals
Summary: Time changes everything, it robs us of the choice to stay who we are. But just like how time can change who we are, it can also help us to grow, even gain something in return. For Hera, it was more than her marriage, more than her love. It was about discovering who she is, who she used to be and the ideals she had lost along her marriage. New Version of Sincerely Untrue
A/N: Hello dear readers. I apologize for having taken such long time to update. At the moment I am very busy with university stuff, but I have not forgotten my story nor you. I hope you can still enjoy the story. There are probably going to be a lot of mistakes, but I just wanted to update it for you as soon as possible, since it was due a long time ago.
Love you guys 3
Hera could not pinpoint an exact reason as to why she wanted to visit her sister.
She just did.
Amphititre was... married.
To Poseidon.
Poseidon was so much like him. She was her sister.
They have not talked for a long time.
She felt lonely.
Did Amphititre feel that, too? Loneliness? She was not, not confused.
But she was also angry, at least she thinks so.
She did not want to think anymore.
So she visited Amphititre.
She had no idea what she had expected, and although it was great, truly great to see the little girl she grew up with again - and they had a great time - Hera had to admit that this was not it. This was not what she expected.
Perhaps she should feel guilty or ashamed or anything bad, for intruding such an intimate moment - such painfully intimate moment.
But somehow, her confusion and relief overshadowed that thought.
It had brought her confusion, as well as enlightenment, because seeing them and their unresponsive marital ways was seeing the responses to questions she had not asked, but wanted to know. She also learned of things she had not thought she would learn.
Because she did not think it could be true.
She should gloat, feel light and happy about this discovery. Amphititre was dear to her. She was her sister, the first girl she learned to love and the first to teach her what it meant to be loved by a sister. The little girl, she had sworn to protect and he was just... Poseidon, her 'brother.
His brother.
As bizarre as it was, it was choosing between the woman, who was her sworn sister by heart despite by blood and the man, who shared the same blood as her and thus her appropriate brother. It was an easy choice... and still, Hera could not deny that the boisterous and wild god, who at some point shared many similarities with her husband, had somehow found a place -albeit small place and definitely smaller than the one Amphititre occupied - in her heart.
She wondered why happiness always took the most difficult and misleading path.
"My, my, that brooding face does not suit you, Poseidon."
Had she made the right choice?
"What..." he turned around, doubting it could truly be the one he thought the voice belonged to.
No, he realized. His doubt was misplaced and his heart grew weary.
"Hera," he spoke curtly.
It was indeed her.
They looked at each other with acknowledgement and with a knowing look in their eyes, the defeat in his sigh and the belittling pity that she refused to show and he refused to recognize.
She giggled.
"You would like to share what amuses you?" he asked, sounding as suave as always.
"Maybe," she mused. "It is just a funny story. I am sure you will be just as taken as I am."
He doubted that.
"Care to humor me then?" he said, but the one that was humored was actually Hera.
"If you wish to," she replied almost benevolently. "There is this story that just won't let me go. You see, there were three realms divided for three brothers, the almighty Sky, the vast Sea and... the Underworld. Yet, against presumptions, the only one to truly fall was neither the the brother who reigned in the above nor the one, who reigned in the beyond, but the one beneath. A rather disappointing balance, no? But that is Fate, cruel in its irony and yet, here I am and see, perhaps I was wrong another time and not that wrong in the first."
"How stupid," he scoffed.
"Ridiculously stupid, but I wonder whose fault it is."
That was a good question. He could agree on that. He and his traitorous heart.
"What do you want, Hera?"
"Nothing," she replied innocently, shrugging her shoulders.
"Then, why are you here?" he asked, almost frustratingly.
Somehow this conversation was draining him. But how could it not? After all, this was his sister, Hera, the Goddess of Marriage.
"I had not wanted to be here, I did not think there was anything interesting for me to linger, at least from my dear Amphititre, but I gladly love to inform you that I was apparently wrong. Is it not astonishing, to be convinced of something, only to be proven wrong and yet, to not even regret it?" she giggled.
He sighed in frustration, running a hand through his messy hair, a trait she knew too well, seen in her own reflection and those of the same blood far too often.
"I am serious Hera. What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here, you should-"
"What?" she asked, crossing her arms and looking at him daringly. "Be where? In the Heavens?"
He watched her in angry frustration, starring at him with her big brown eyes shining with bitter mockery at him.
"You should be there. Where you belong."
"Do I now? I wonder..." she sighed theatrically and looking outside of the window into the blue of the ocean. "Is he back?"
"Are you asking because you want to know?"
Or because she wanted to dodge him. Or was she trying to make him feel bad? Or was this an answer?
"You are not replying to me," she smirked at him lightly.
"Well-"
"I was just teasing," she chuckled. "You just gave me your answer."
"What do you want, Hera?"
He did not know what game she was playing. What did she want? Was it freedom that she desired, like many people suspected? Was she just playing a game by throwing in the card of the scorned wife, like many accused her of? Maybe this was the desperate act that no one wanted to acknowledge, including him, as her brother, as their brother.
"I don't know," she answered simply, shrugging her shoulders.
Such a simple answer and spoken so lightly.
Honest and raw.
Somehow, he believed her.
Why, he wondered, did he had to deal with so many things he did not want to deal with.
He had spoken the truth when he had told his wife that he just wanted to spend time with her, relaxing and uncaring of the world's and divine's affair, yet here he was at home and being confronted with all the things he did not want to see.
"He loves you," he said, because he knew nothing else or more to say.
"It ought to be the case, right?" she chuckled yet again, with irony and deep resentment.
"You really should head back, Hera," he urged her. "He is missing."
He is missing!
"He is always missing," she sighed with a huff and an amused chide, and he could not help but feel as though there was also an accusation underlying.
"But he always came back."
And you were there.
And now, he wasn't sure whether he will come back this time.
Because she was here.
"Exactly, so you see... Just give him time," she said and then giggled at her own joke. How ironic it would be, to tell an immortal that. To give time...
"Do you truly believe that time can change anything?"
She answered him with a smile, letting him know that the smile she wore was the only thing he would get out of her.
"If you leave now, what do you hope to find?"
"Something. I don't know... some kind of ending? Answers perhaps. Yes, answers sound good..." she laughed at herself, after her reflective speech.
"What kind of answers?"
An answer to her marriage? Answer to what?! What was she searching for? An answer out of all of this? Or just... an answer?
"Why are you asking?"
"Because I want to know what your goal is, because I don't know?! I cannot understand it and I hope, that you can help me understand. What are you doing this for?"
"Are you asking because you care?"
"Is it important? For you, I mean?" Because he could not see why.
"Once, we all have cared for something, right?" she asked. "For example, once you cared for Amphititre, that time that was so long ago. You cared for her, you were interested, lust? Maybe even a crush, an infatuation, that was what I had pegged it for. But whatever it was or had been, it was the reason that gave you her, here, in this life, in this existence. Maybe it had changed, but it does not change that she is here."
"What is your point, Hera?" he asked in irritation.
"My point is that we all have cared, once."
"And now?"
"And now...?" she mused, starring right back at him.
"You are speaking nonsense, sister."
"You think so, too?"
"You know what, I can care less anyway, right?! I have enough things to deal with in my own kingdom. No need to care about what your, idiot couple's mess. So leave, before my headache gets worse."
As long as he did not change his mind.
"You are letting me go?" sh asked, quite surprised actually.
"It is not as though I can make you stay, is it not?"
"Poseidon..." She starred him, this time in astonishment and he had to admit, he felt a small sense of pride flare up at the knowledge that he had done something she had not expected. It was the kind of superior feeling a man, a king, had to feel in order to be complete. "Are you doing this for her?"
"There is not denying that it would make her sad. And very angry..."
And betrayed.
And Heaven knows, there was enough of that already.
"You know, I really never thought that..."
"Just leave, whilst you still can or before I call the brigade on your path."
"Fine... and thank you," she whispered.
"Whatever, you are annoying ... and too noisy," he grumbled. "I can imagine nicer ways to spend my time than dealing with Athena's angry army storming my home just to get you... because you know, they will get you." The shrug did not seem as indifferent and suave as he had wanted.
"Don't worry, this will be something I have to deal with," she chuckled, turning around and ready to leave. However, she stopped, contemplating whether she should say it.
"One last thing," she spoke, her voice unusually serious and somber, "you know those two words human use too much in their lifetime: too late? Well, it is only too late when you have given up doing anything whilst there is still hope."
He scoffed, but she knew that he heard her.
"Well, I am leaving now. Don't bother."
"See you soon, Hera," he whispered after she had already disappeared, with such certainty.
"So where are we going first?" Hermes asked.
"To Hestia's home."
"Seems to be plausible," he said and shrugged. He took a cautious glance at her back, since she was walking ahead of him. She seemed stiff, he noted. Stiff and nervous. No, not nervous. But definitely annoyed. At least, he assumed that.
"What do you plan on doing there?"
"Investigate," she spoke curtly. "See if there are any leads."
"Of course," he nodded. Of course, that much was obvious. He just has to ask...
"So, then-"
"Let me say that before you open your mouth, before you waste even more of your breath and worse, mine. Think first."
"Fine," he mumbled under his breath and out of pride, chose to be silent, albeit his mind was not reeling about something to say, since it wanted to prove to her that he was not as mindless as she believed him to be.
After a few minutes of reflecting and something between sulking and wanting to thrash out, he had decided on what he wanted to say. It just took a little longer, because he had to make sure of all the right words. After all, he was no idiot, and he wanted to make sure that she knew that.
"Well... how are you?"
She stopped walking suddenly. She turned around.
"Are you serious?"
"What?" he asked in self-defense. "It is a very legitimate question!"
She narrowed her eyes, still staring intently at him. For a long time, just starring, not speaking.
"Why? Why are you asking?" she asked in return, slowly and inquisitively, in a way that made him uncomfortable.
"You know what? I was just trying to make the situation more comfortable. Never mind the question!"he shrugged it off and walked past her, and just being glad that she would no longer look him... just look at him!
It made him uncomfortable.
"Fine," she spat, continuing their way in less uneasy silence.
They continued their walking silence, when Hermes noticed her doing something next to him. He watched her from the corner of his eye, and luckily she was too concentrated to notice.
He smirked discreetly, so that she would not see it. Surely it would unnerve her. That way, she would not notice, because that was who she was. She was the kind of type to focus all her attention on something and never noticing anything else. He always found it a rather cute characteristic of her.
"What are you doing?"
Too caught up in his thought too even be aware of what he was doing, until it was done.
"Sending my husband a message," she explained in a distant voice.
"I thought we were supposed to keep it a secret."
"It wouldn't be a secret any longer, if he went around searching for me. Besides, he is my husband."
Does that make everything alright? Was that her answer to everything?
Just because he was her husband?
There were a lot of things he could have said.
But he did not.
Zeus knows, there were indeed a lot of things he could have said.
It seemed to be going to be a long adventure, very, very long.
She knew what was she doing, at least that was what she told herself.
She was also aware of the chaos that was to erupt in case word got out about her sudden disappearance, so she will make it as quick as possible, in hope that no one will find out.
"What do you want, Hestia?" His voice was gruff, his tone lacking of the politeness she was usually granted by everyone else. Yet she considered herself lucky. She knew, she should feel grateful and truth to be told, it was far kinder and missing of the hostility she expected.
She had no right to blame him at all.
She was aware of that, of all of that.
If she were wise and as kind and selfless and considerate as people always thought of her to be, she would leave in that second, never both him again anymore.
But she did not. She was not.
"Hello Hades," she flashed him with her usually bright and benevolent smile, graceful and honest enough to lure a smile from every other god on Olympus. But he was not fooled enough to not notice the weary caution.
"Hestia," he nodded, acknowledging merely her presence.
"Where is your wife?" she asked nicely, trying to enlighten the mood with trivial conversation.
"Did you want to see her? Well, you barely missed her. She just went back up there, her time is due," he replied.
"What a shame," she spoke, her tone so dignified and polite that her sincerity was hard to tell. "You must tell her my condolence and apologies, for not greeting her. I have not seen her for so long."
"Of course."
"And how are you doing?" she asked him, her smile a little less too bright, but softer, making him detest the look in her eyes enough to refuse to meet them.
He had his suspicion what this was about, but like the gentleman he was, he deigned her with his answer.
"I am rather confused as to what I owe this visit. Heaven knows that this is not one of Hestia's favorite places to mingle in," he said, crossing his arms. "So what might it be that you had to come down yourself, instead of letting Hermes fill me in?"
If it was outrageous or worthy enough of sharing, Hermes would be the one to deliver the news to him, considering that he was the gossiper among them. Therefore, it must have been something more important, when Hestia herself would come and deliver it to him herself.
"It is obvious you need my help, there would be no other logical reason behind your visit. So, tell me, what do you need and I might agree, or not, depending on what you have to say."
Hestia chuckled.
"Indeed. I take that you have heard of the recent events of up there."
"No, I have not. The Olympus is not my area of business, however I can guess that my dear older brother must be managing just so fine, if you are here," he sneered knowingly.
Hestia was still smiling, not bothered by his lie.
"Hades..."
"My answer is no."
"But-"
"I don't need to hear what your request is. My answer is no, accept it and we both won't waste our time and breath."
"Do you already know or are you refusing me in general?"
She winced, but she did not tremble as she felt the area surrounding her began to quiver, almost like an earthquake. She felt the energy around her grew more menacing.
"It's about Hera," she whispered again, softly, almost incomprehensible that he would have failed to hear them if Hades would not have already counted on them.
Why, oh why did she have to mention what they both have successfully avoided.
"What is it about her that you need my help anyway? I cannot help you," he spoke in resignation, hoping and ready for this conversation to be over as soon as possible.
His voice sounded so collected and calm that let Hestia knew that he was everything but.
"I think you know why I am here."
"Frankly, I don't care nor do I want to meddle in affairs. Not my style, I would rather leave it to you, considering how well you are doing your job."
"Hades, please,... this is important. So, all I am asking of you is to listen to me, please."
Hestia was never one to beg. She usually did not need to. She was a beloved part of the Pantheon, who got along wonderfully with almost every god. To do her a favour was a pleasure for everyone. So, rarely does one hear her beg and so, despite the gap between them, even Hades could not refuse to acknowledge it.
"By Heavens, Hestia, what do you want from me?" he asked in frustration, running a hand through his untamed hair.
"You already know." She watched him scowl. "I need you to search for her, for me."
Hades chuckled.
"Of course. I am not sure whether I shall laugh or shake my head in denial, maybe both," he mused. "You worry too much, Hestia. It is not the first time that she ran away. If she wants to play, let her. But while she can take the time, I cannot. After all, I am King. A king, who has important matters to attend to. Far too important matters to just abandon them, because she had another mood swing."
"I see. I understand, but I also know that you and I both can see that this is not 'another mood swing'," Hestia spoke definitively. Hades stayed silent. Her words slowly sinking in, as his eyes observed her unmoving form.
"This," he spoke, dangerously calm, whilst looking right into her, "has got nothing to do with me."
"Do you truly believe that?" she asked just soft. "That is has nothing to do with you?"
"Yes."
"No, Hades," Hestia insisted in her correction. "It has everything to do with you."
"And what exactly of it?"
"You don't want me to say this, do you?" Hestia asked. Although it sounded as though she did, she was not threatening him. Instead, she was going by his wishes, as she was more aware of it than anyone else about this feelings.
Hades looked at her.
This was going nowhere.
Somehow, although he had promised that it would not come to this, not again. They had both not wanted to come back at this point now. But then, why did she had to mention that, the past that they both should want to leave behind and did, if not for the fact that the past did not want to let go of them.
No, indeed, this was going nowhere.
"I am tired of this game. Go Hestia, I believe you have overstayed your welcome," he spat, turning around. "Go find someone else you can play with. I have important-"
"I cannot!" she shouted, grabbing him by his wrist. "I won't leave until you will help me."
Determination now replacing the desperation in her voice.
She knew, it was a dangerous move on her part. She should not force him. He was a force to be reckoned with, despite the fact that they shared the same blood. She was in his territory. He was the King of the Underworld and here, where he was King, she knew she was not match for him.
"Let me go, Hestia," he warned.
"No!" she shouted back at him. "You are in this mess as much as we all are!"
"Only that you play a much deeper part," he muttered darkly and she felt shivers run down her spine. Nevertheless, the Goddess of Hearth and Home stayed head held high, at least visibly.
"Do you enjoy it? Playing with me?" she asked him, looking him directly into her eyes and he had to credit her for her courage. Yet, it would not keep her from being threatened by the slightly increasing dark aura around her. She heard the hisses, felt the dropping temperature that made her go cold and the icy fury.
"I am not playing any games, Hestia, you on the other hand..."
"I love Hera," she whispered. "She is my sister and I love her. I just want what is the best for her."
He scoffed.
But that did not mean that he disagreed. He just disagreed with her.
"You love her too, right? You still love her and this is why I need you to help me," Hestia said. "I beseech you, Hades. I know you hate me for what happened, and you have no reason to help me. I know. I know all of it, but even if you do not want to do this for me, at least do this for her... You owe her that."
She had to hurry up.
She was not supposed to be here. The rules were strict, the time was set, and the time was now, and yet, she could not help it.
Persephone felt bad. She always did. Every negative word world describe the state of feeling she was always in. When she was in the Underworld, she felt bad for leaving her mother. She felt like an ungrateful child, who abandoned her mother, and she felt bad whenever she left Hades. Because it reminded her that she could never give him all of her. She felt guilty, she always felt guilty and she did not feel guilty, because, she was happy. It was terrible.
But she loved them.
She loved both of them and somehow, she hoped that this would make everything alright.
Love could make everything alright.
She smiled as she sneaked into the room. She looked around.
Ah! There it was.
Lying perfectly on the edge of her bed, where she forgot it.
With a sigh of relief and giddy, silly excitement filling her body, she reached for the metal band that now adorned her finger. She loved how the cold metal could make her feel so warm. With a bright and wide smile, she adored the sight of her hand with the sight of her husband's gift to her. For her, it was the most beautiful sight. It was a gift from her most beloved husband.
The husband that loved her in return.
Now fully content, she made her way back to Charon. She had to hurry up now, she reminded herself. Her mother must be frantic in her worry over her and it would be better for everyone, if she would get back as soon as possible, yet her heart slowed her down and longing weighing on her steps.
Perhaps it would not hurt to see him.
Was she silly? Because her heart ached for him, despite having just been away from him for a certain time that was short, compared to the time that was ahead of her before she returned to the place she was destined to be.
Surely, it would not hurt to see him once more, just short and long enough to satisfy her heart.
Thus, she made her decision, whilst taking skips through the long dark halls of the Underworld, hoping it would lead her to her heart's sight.
Suddenly, she heard footsteps echoing, coming from the direction in front of her. Quickly, she hid behind the nearest pillar.
Interestingly, it had not come to her mind to wonder why, despite the fact that she was the Queen there.
"Thanatos, there you are, dear."
Now she did.
Thanatos, her husband's trusted lieutenant and the personification of death.
For some reason, she did not feel comfortable around him. There was just something about him that made her feel at unease. She shuddered, she felt cold and out of place, everything she rarely experienced. He just gave her a feeling that she did not welcome. Furthermore, she got the feeling that it was mutual or at least that he barely found liking to her as well.
"My Lady, it appears that you are back already," he spoke, his reverent tone spiking her interest.
Who was this hooded woman?
Her laughter ran across the hall so familiarly, so comfortable as Persephone only would, when she grew into her role as the Queen of the Underworld. But she was the Queen of the Underworld. This, she was supposed to be. So who was this woman?
"Indeed, dear Thanatos, although there had been a small... delay of due interest..."
"Then, it seems you have had a enjoyable time."
"Enjoyable? Ah, I would rather describe it was very interesting... Very interesting and very entertaining, and alas, I wish I could tell you more, but..."
"Of course, I understand. I have no business in your affair and it was not my intention to bother you."
Persephone flinched, adrenaline filling her body, as she listened to the conversation.
Thanathos had never sounded like this, when he talked to her, who was the Queen of the Realm he tread on.
Scary and scarred thoughts chased each other in her mind, one faster than the other, it was a competition in disarray, with no clear winner at the straight line to be seen.
"Where is my dearly beloved Hades?" the woman in the hood asked, giggling along with way.
Who was this woman?
"I have been told that he was busy. Something about dealing with sudden difficulties in his affairs he had not expected," Thanatos replied to the strange woman.
"Then I shall wait for him," she declared.
"Very fine, would you want me to-"
"Thanatos, there is no reason for you to feel responsible for me," she declared, so certainly and dismissing that Persephone wondered who this person must be or who she thought herself to be, to dismiss the God of Death in this manner.
"Tell me, my dear Thanatos, is that disapproval I detect in you?"
"I would never dare," he declared with a strong voice. "You are here, with the blessing of my King, his most dear and welcoming-"
"If such is the case, then I see no reason why he would be displeased to see me, do you?"
"Of course not."
"Excellent, I am pleased to hear that we share the same opinion."
"Do you have any other wishes?"
"The only thing I want you to do is your duty. I am sure, it is the only thing you want to do, as well, is it not?" she asked.
The Queen of the Underworld shuddered. The voice was so deep and when she spoke, it was alluring, tempting and far too obliging for him, anyone to disobey. It was such a deluding voice.
"Of course."
With her back pressed tightly against the pillar, Persephone could only hear the giggling steps as they disappeared down the hall. Each step sent a shiver down her spine and heart.