Chapter 19: Kintsugi

(Notes: Attempting to do a Nalu overload without making it...mushy. Don't laugh. I'm going to try. Hey, hey! You in the back I see you snickering! Wish me luck. Yeah this one is a bit short in comparison, but I felt it would either be lost in another chapter or take over the chapter and make the rest seem not as important. But I hope you'll see kind of why I put it alone. )

Markov stares at the reports before him in despair. Once again his family was in danger. He had no doubt this was going to come back, but if the reports from all over Magnolia and Fiore are to be believed that means that other countries are now about to be brought into all of this. There was no telling what widespread use of this drug would do. What it would cause. The effects where varied and the results where just as dramatic. Some where physical effects...others harder to pin down. Then the powers tended to respond to the person wielding them. Warping them. Standing he walks to the window.

Lucy's aura sense, was a rare gift and he was ecstatic that her...trauma did not twist her gift or herself. Like the bastard that hurt her, Obra. A name he didn't want to hear again unless it was a death report. Obra, it is believed has a gift like Lucy's and has better control over people's emotional responses to him. However, where Lucy gets bothered, tired, and rubbed raw by negative emotions. He feeds on them and enjoys stirring up problems. He had no doubt in his mind that Obra may have had a hand in the sudden outbreak of gang violence. He watches the headlights of Laxus' car speed away and sighs softly. He did not want to have his children have to bear this burden. Not when their only crime was being born. But unfortunately it seems fate would have them pay the price for our folly's. I pray she has mercy on them and that this can be finished once and for all without any more unnecessary deaths. They deserve happiness at least the chance for it.

Lucy blearily opened her eyes to stare at the bedside clock. Four o'clock...in the morning. She felt like crap. The sedatives she was given upon leaving the Riders HQ she had taken when she, Cana, Natsu, and Freed had taken dinner, had worn off leaving her mouth feeling abnormally dry. She had not really needed them as she was operating on no sleep and would've probably been out as soon as her head hit the pillow. Natsu especially, was operating on no sleep. Freed had helped Natsu move in downstairs and had made it his business to continually voice his displeasure over the arrangements until Natsu threatened to "Rip his penis off and shove it down his throat, to be his 'binky' since he was being such a whiny little bitch" about it. Cana had laughed Laxus had rather agreed and Freed had...reluctantly shut up and the rest of the temporary move in was completed with little argument.

Lucy vaguely remembered having a three way chat via her tablet with Levy and Bisca, assuring them of her safety and of the trailer, but keeping most of it to herself. She wasn't entirely sure they needed to worry about it.

Yet.

Sitting up she gingerly stretched, testing out the mood of her back. It seemed to be in a better mood. The twinges of pain were not the angry lancing ones from before, but rather the sluggish, dull ones that arced down her scars. Nothing she didn't deal with every morning while doing back sit-ups. Deciding it would be best to move a bit she got up and walked to her kitchen.

She pauses at the door leading into the room Laxus and Cana had been sleeping in and peeks hesitantly through the crack left there. Now it only held one occupant, the other having left on a self imposed mission. While Cana had put up a huge fight about him going alone she had ultimately gave in after he agreed to take Freed as back up. Lucy knew it stung that he didn't just take Cana and she said so out loud. Everyone knew that it was just her way of showing her concern and that Laxus not choosing Cana to go with him was his way of showing his concern for her. Lucy judged by the number of beer bottles in the room Cana was desperately hoping to see a glimmer of the future that would assure her of his safety. She knew that Laxus would be desperately working all his contacts.

All for his family.

And that was why she admired her brother so much. He would do anything for his family. Much like the other man who occupied her thoughts as of late.

She shook her head and walked into the kitchen. She stops and stares down at the floor in confusion.

What's he still doing up? Is he...working out? She stopped and perked at the idea of seeing that. She was rather hungry and was very sure he was probably too. None of them ate very much after the meeting with Porlyusica and the uncomfortable knowledge it stirred back up. She knew Natsu was very bothered by everything but did not really have a chance to speak with her in private. While she wanted to talk to him...she wasn't sure she would still like the results of doing so after this morning. But she was not one to run from such things.

She whipped up four sandwiches, grabbed a family size bag of cheddar chips and poured a few glasses of wild cherry cola as she quietly made her way downstairs, for once bypassing the door leading to her darkened shop. They had not opened that day. Due to 'unforeseen' circumstances. Just as well. Many of her usuals where spooked after the goings on of yesterday and stayed home as well.

She stood in front of the door, tray in hand and...was completely stumped as to what to do next. She wasn't a girl that had much contact with men outside of cars and engines. She was sure Natsu would want to talk but it would be about things she wasn't very good at doing. Feelings and stuff.

Ugh.

Gave her the Hebe-jeebees.

But was necessary to prevent confusion.

Besides she can't get away with his comment earlier...she wanted to know that that shit was about. It's better to deal with it like a band-aid. Just rip it off. Before she could shift her tray to knock the door swings open and Natsu's standing there in black sweats, no shirt and a towel thrown around his shoulders.

"How long where you gonna stand there?"

"How the hell did you know I was here?"

"I heard the soda fizzing...oo! Sandwiches!" he helps her with the tray before going back in. "How freaky good is your hearing anyway!?"

"Better than I like it to be. But it's saved my ass so many times I've made peace." Lucy smiles and shakes her head as she trots down after him. She looks around. The basement studio apartment, had kind of become a impromptu storage area. Originally it was to house Laxus. But when his job took him out of the city it rapidly went unused. Freed and Natsu had done a good job of moving the few boxes about into one corner near the door. The only real furniture was a couch facing the kitchen area. With all the floor space it was small wonder Natsu was working out. The place did resemble a dojo. She squeaks and jumps as she feels something brush her ankles. "OH MY GOD What is that!?" she hurriedly looks down. She's greeted by a white socked blue cat. She blinks. She swears that he has two streaks down his back that kind of resemble folded angel wings.

Natsu chuckles. "Sorry, I hope you don't mind. This is Happy."

"Your cat. I take it you can't trust your roommate to take care of him?"

"Gray? Hell no. Happy always attempts to eat his ankles off. He likes you."

She smiles down at the cat. "He *is* happy. I don't mind at all. I love animals." Natsu grins at her and watches as she happily scratches behind the animals ears, absently munching on a few chips She looks up after a moment and starts. "Oh, duh, you need a table. Here..."

She makes motions to grab the table only to be forestalled by being handed back the tray and the folding card table being set up for her. "I could've done that."

"I was given orders, Doctors orders, not to let you try and over do it for the next twenty-four hours." He wiped the table down and lifts a brow up at her. "I was told you seem to keep doing that to yourself after flare ups."

Fighting a blush. "Who told you that? Laxus? Cana? Porlyusica?"

He unfolds two chairs and looks bemused by something as he finds them very interesting as he works. "Freed."

Lucy was very happy she wasn't drinking anything. She was sure she would've given him a cherry coke shower. "F-Freed? Doesn't he hate you?"

"Yes, but he was more concerned about you and knew Cana would believe you if you gave her the eyes. So he gave me the assignment...along with about twenty others."

"Let me guess... a list?" he nods to the fridge and the foot long paper hung there. "That man..." she sighs.

He sets out the foods. "Really cares about you." he finishes for her. "It's why he does all of this for you."

"I know. I try and not take him for granted but sometimes he gets so suffocating...all of his rules." Lucy tapers off and stares at Natsu curiously.

Natsu takes one of her small hands into his. He absently plays with her fingers, noting how petite they where, but slightly calloused and strong. A woman used to working. Used to making her own way in the world and shouldering as much as she could by herself.

He wondered how she would deal with him. He could be just as bad...

Lucy is startled by how rough, his hands where. These where not the soft hands of someone like Freed who worked mostly on computers. But rather the hands of a man used to fighting and manual labor. His fingers where large but in proportion to his palm and thick. Capable hands that brought in their wake relief from outside stresses and laughter.

She wondered if he would be willing and capable to deal with her? She was not a easy burden. She was not a burden many wanted to bear. Many a men had run with even the inkling of her issues. Yet here he sat despite her problems, and nightmares.

He smiles and kisses her hand softly. "Speaking of rules, rule number four on his list. I must wear clothes at all times when in your presence." he chuckles gesturing down to himself. "Let me get a shirt."

"Do you have to?" she says before catching herself. She blushes darkly at that.

Smiling he pauses. "I'd like to make the effort...at least until you ask me to do otherwise." He turns his head back towards her. "Are you?" The blonde seriously thinks about that for a moment.

"Not yet. Later on that might change though." she sniffs looking off.

"I'm going to make sure it does." he grins as he walks towards the one other room in the downstairs studio. "Uh. Natsu?"

"Yeah?"

"Did...Freed help you set up your bedroom?"

"Yeah. He said the door is a bit funky and I needed to make sure to shut the door when I was going to sleep."

"You know this is just a studio. Aside from the bathroom, all of it is a open floor plan..."

"O.K..."

"That's the holding cell...for...detaining...criminals...if you closed the door you'd be locked in until I came down to let you out."

"That sneaky sonofa..." Lucy couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled up out of her at that.

Both eat their super late dinner in happy companionship. Lucy didn't eat much, but having been around Natsu for quite some times made sure the three extra sandwiches where hefty. She watched in undisguised amusement as he finished his second sandwich, ate some chips and was pulling the third towards himself in preparation. She looked down at her half still left.

"Don't even think about it. Eat."

Pouting she glares at him.

"I was told you tend to not eat a lot after...a bad day. In an effort to make sure you don't emotionally eat due to your abilities. I'm here to tell you that eating ONE sandwich some chips and a cola is not emotionally eating unless you do that like me."

"Your eating three times what I am."

"Exactly."

"So...Captain. Are you emotionally eating right now?"

"Hell, yes. I have a really hot girl in my new temporary apartment who was just up in a kitchen, barefoot and making me a sandwich, and I get to look forward to seeing her roll under the carriage of a car later today and tell me everything that's wrong with it. I'm kinda nervous being around the whole package."

"Some of that sounded suspiciously, sexist."

"I know, but god, after a work out when your starving it's a turn on."

"Your so strange."

"You wouldn't have me any other way."

"*sigh* Your right. I wouldn't. But...do I still?"

"Do you still, what?"

"Have you? I mean after this morning...and...what you said on the phone and...you know I'm kinda damaged goods, now..." she played with the chips on her plate.

"Kintsugi."

"What?"

"Kintsugi. It's a concept of pottery my Sensei, Igneel, taught me when I was seriously into Martial Arts. It was a long time until I got it. Even now I still don't fully get it. Philosophy ain't my thing ya know? If I can't break it or try and fix a problem by breaking it it's kinda lost on me." He shrugs but smiles softly afterwards.

" But...yesterday, when you started talking. It's like suddenly got it. For the first time I understood what Master had been attempting to teach me years ago. Kintsugi is the idea, that pottery, that is damaged, cracked and chipped is not thrown out but rather repaired with precious metals showing off the damage. Like getting gold, silver and platinum to cover your scars, kinda. The idea is to see the beauty of a item and that the battle scars are witness to an event in the life of the vessel. It doesn't make it any less useful or beautiful but it becomes more beautiful than before. Just because it took damage but continues to be who and what it is despite all of that."

He stands and pulls her up with him turning her away from him he gently lifts the back of her shirt. He eyes the scars and gently runs his fingers over them. The largest pair run along her scapula down to the base of her spine with several other smaller streaks meticulously drawn along her spine. The scars where shiny and some where faintly pink in color. He could smell the salt of tears.

"When I look at you and now that you have shared with me everything you've been through. I see your flaws, and your damages as you call them. And I can't help but find them beautiful. You repaired the cracks in your life and heart with precious things."

He traces one scar. "You repaired this scar with a new loving, family."

Picking another he traces that one. "This one with Friends."

And another: " A life of doing something you enjoy."

He pauses and traces another before wrapping her in an embrace and gently takes a deep breath. "Can I help? Would you allow me to heal one? I'm not the strongest guy, or the smartest. Hell I can't even ask you out like a normal person. But I... I want to try. If all I can offer is a shoulder to cry on you have it. You need to vent and yell and scream to the world, I'll find some place for just us so you can. If I can be the man who fills that crack...even if it's only a small one, I would be the luckiest guy in the world." He gently turns her to face him and cups her cheeks, using his thumbs to brush the tears away. "If your OK with having soaking wet shirts all the time..."

He chuckles. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Then there is a crack just for you." He just pulls her close and bending at the knees picks her up moving to the couch he simply holds her until the tears stop.

This was something else he learned. Sometimes comfort doesn't come in words anymore but actions. Actions, that don't have to be big to make a difference. He wanted to make a difference in this woman's life. She needed nothing. But company.

And so he did just that. Nothing but holding her and keeping her company until she fell asleep again.

Because that's just what she needed.

And simple though it was, he wanted to be the one to provide it.

Kintsugi is a really cool concept I learned when studying my Japanese culture, back in high school. You can find it on Wikipedia and it's related to Wabi-sabi, another philosophy.