Hi readers, I'm so sorry that it took me so long to upload a new chapter! D: If you're reading this, thank you for being so patient and please forgive me for being a terrible human being. This chapter is pretty emotional for Sammy but it will get better; I won't let our baby suffer for much longer. I'm already working on chapter 5 and yes, there will be sexy timez x3 Stay tuned and enjoy reading!

Lots of love, Tearsbehindthemask

"Sammy, I'm back!"

Dean opened the door of their dingy motel room and dumped a six-pack of beer, that he'd picked up at a 24/7 convenience store, on his brother's nightstand.
The gig had been a routine job; digging up the remains of the ghost had been tedious, but salting and burning the bitch had been as easy as breathing.
Walking back to close the door, Dean noticed the strange red markings that were on the floor. For a few seconds, his heart seemed to stop beating as his hunter instinct kicked in and he froze, getting ready to either defend himself or attack a monster.
He was listening to the silence that fell over the room, waiting for strange noises that might betray the position of the monster in question.

Why would Sam draw a devil's trap on the floor of their motel room?

A sound came from the bathroom.
"Sammy?!"
Dean grabbed his gun and made a dash for the bathroom door, ready to fight with some demon scum.
He barged into the bathroom but didn't find any demons there. It was just Sam.
Just Sam, sitting on the bathroom floor.
Just Sam, handcuffed to a pipe under the sink.
Just Sam, holding a knife.
Sam, bleeding from several deep cuts in his arm.

"Sam, what the hell is going on?"
Dean fell on his knees, took the knife from Sam's hand and threw it away, out of the bathroom, into the motel room.
"Why are you bleeding? Why is there a devil's trap in our motel room? Who put these handcuffs on you? Was it a demon? Sam! Is there a demon after you again?"
Sam didn't respond to Dean's questions, he just sat on the sticky, tiled bathroom floor, staring at the blood welling up from clean cuts in his arm, blood welling up from more cuts than Dean had noticed when he had stormed into the bathroom and taken the knife from his brother. The knife that Sam had apparently used to carve into his own flesh.
"Answer me, Sam! Dammit, Sammy! Get a hold of yourself!"

Dean slapped Sam in the face and this seemed to bring Sam back to his senses.
"Dean… Dean… You need to perform an exorcism on me."
Sam's broken voice sent a shiver down Dean's spine.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Dean angrily took Sam's face in his hands and forced him to look up into his eyes.
"What are you talking about, Sam?"
"There is something wrong with me, Dean."
"What is wrong with you? Sam? Tell me what happened!"
Sam's face was all red and puffy as if he'd been crying for a very long time; his expression was one of despair and pain.
Dean couldn't look at his little brother like this, he couldn't bear seeing him in so much pain.

"There is something wrong with me, Dean," Sam repeated, "I… I can't control my thoughts… It's like there's someone else behind the wheel… I'm thinking of things that I shouldn't be thinking about… Dean, I think I might be possessed."
That last sentence summoned more tears to Sam's eyes, and Dean's nails dug into Sam's cheeks.
"Sam, I need you to focus." Dean demanded, trying hard not to let Sammy hear the panic that was taking over his mind, in his voice, "Did you see a demon around here? Have you seen any black smoke? Smelled sulphur? Any EMF?"
Sam had started crying for real now, the worry on Dean's face and his closeness having caused the feelings for his brother to be reawakened once again. God, he felt terrible.
"I checked everything, Dean! No EMF, no reaction to salt or holy water, no reaction to silver..."
Dean let go of Sam's face and only then noticed the canister of salt and Sam's flask on the floor next to him. He grabbed Sam's wrist and twisted it, pulling his bloody arm towards him.
"Why the hell would you cut yourself like this, Sammy? One cut is more than enough, you know that! Goddammit, Sam, what the hell is going on with you?"
Sam couldn't take it anymore; he shook Dean's hand of his arm and pulled his knees towards his chest, burying his face in his arms, the handcuffs clanking loudly against the pipe.

"I need you to do an exorcism on me, Dean. There is something wrong with me."
Dean could barely make out Sam's words, but he got the intention.
"It would be useless to perform an exorcism, Sam! Look at yourself! You've tested yourself on every form of possession and your body didn't react to any of them. You're not possessed, Sam!"
Sam backed away from Dean's touch, crawling as far back under the sink as his long limbs would let him.

Dean swallowed painfully; seeing his little brother like this was awful. What had happened to Sam when he was gone? Why was he torturing himself like this?
"No… I… I have to be possessed, Dean! I… I'm so messed up!"
"We're all a bit messed up sometimes, Sammy. That's what being a hunter does to you, you know that!"

Full psychological breakdown. Being a hunter had finally gotten the best of Sam. Dean shivered as he realised that it was all his fault… He had taken Sam away from college. He had pretty much forced Sam to come with him… It was his fault that his little brother was in this state.
"Sammy… Sammy I'm so sorry…"
Dean leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his little brother before he could protest and push him away.
"Why are you sorry?" Sam mumbled, stifling a sob.
"I'm sorry because I've dragged you into this mess…" Dean said through clenched teeth, "I'm sorry I dragged you into this life, I… I was being so selfish…"
"Dean… Dean!" Sam pushed Dean away and looked at his brother, tears threatening to choke him, "This is not about the Life, Dean! This is about… This is about something else. It's about me. Me and my messed-up head."

"Then what is it, Sammy?" Dean exclaimed desperately, "Tell me so I can help you!"
"You don't want to hear about this, Dean! You can't help me… I don't think anyone can."
"Goddammit, Sammy!" Dean barked, grabbing Sam's wrists, "Just fucking tell me what's going on!"
"Dean, I can't tell you! I just can't!"
Dean gritted his teeth and brought Sam's hands to his cheek.
"Dammit, I can't deal with you looking so messed up."

Sam looked down at Dean's messy hair and felt a wave of hopelessness washing over him. Getting his brother to worry about him was the last thing that he had wanted to do today. He had wanted to solve this problem by himself, before Dean got home.
Sam pulled his hands away from his brother's warmth, causing Dean to look up at the sudden disappearance of Sam's smooth skin.
Sam's hands weren't as rough and scarred as his own yet. He could see his brother getting more scarred by the day, ever since he had taken Sam with him on his hunting trips they'd gotten into fights with monsters on a daily basis. Scars were unavoidable, they came with the job. Dean felt a pang of regret as he realised that Sam would get more scars and that it was all his fault.

Sam held Dean's gaze, feeling as though he could hide himself from the world in the green pools of Dean's eyes if only he'd be able to find out how he could enter them.
"Dean, I… Lately I've been feeling quite… strange around you. I…"
Dean's eyes narrowed as he wondered whether Sam's state of mind could somehow be his fault, which Sam mistook for a sign of anger, causing his voice to start shaking terribly.
"When I'm… When I'm around you I feel very insecure… I always hope I can make you happy and that you'll show me your smile… When you touch me I feel… I feel all kinds of things. When you hook up with a girl I feel jealous… When you're not with me I miss you… I just don't know what to do anymore! I need you to perform an exorcism, Dean. I need you to fix me."
Dean stared at his teary-eyed little brother, chained to the sink on the bathroom floor of a shabby motel room. Sam had… feelings for him. Non-brotherly feelings.
"I'm so sorry, Dean." Sam started muttering between sobs, "I didn't mean to freak you out again, I just want this to be over… Please, please fix me, Dean; I don't know what to do anymore. Please…"

Sam froze as his brother roughly wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close to his chest again.
"Don't you do this to yourself, dammit. Don't you do this to me." Dean growled like an animal in pain.
"I can't fix you, Sammy. I can't fix what's not broken."

Sam was too stunned to move, his face pressed against Dean's muscular chest and his brother's hand now tangled in his hair.
"Dean… I don't know if you understand…" Sam started muttering when Dean roughly interrupted him.
Soft, full lips locked on Sam's and took away his breath completely.
Even though the kiss was possessive and direct, Sam could not help but notice the warmth that was flowing through him.
He was confused, even more confused than he was a few seconds ago.
Sam closed his eyes and felt his lips tingle under his brother's, Dean's hand making sure that he would not break the connection. Not that he'd ever want to do that…

Even though Dean didn't even use his tongue, Sam didn't remember ever feeling more aroused and content than he did now.
When Dean broke the kiss and let his hand slide down Sam's neck, Sam was breathing hard, staring at his brother who was staring right back at him.
"Dean… What…?"
Dean smirked, suddenly feeling very self-conscious.
"Our family's pretty fucked-up anyway… I, eh… If you need to be fixed, I suppose you'll need to fix me as well."