So sorry for the wait. Writer's block caught me in it's line and I couldn't escape for weeks! I got behind on a few of my creative writing assignments from it so I had to catch up with those before I did anything with this. That being said, the chapter is shorter, but no worries, because I shall start writing the next chapter and have it up in weeks time (hopefully).

Thank you to all the lovely reviews and faves/follows! Love you all!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter Three

The Goodbye Look

It takes courage to say goodbye.

To stare at a thing lost and know it is gone forever.

Some tears are iron forged.

- Jay Kristoff Kinslayer

Shunsui's eyes remained close, his thoughts on Nanao alone. For years he has longed for her. To take his hand into hers, and feel the soft warmth of her palm and fingers. He dreamed every night of her smile and her sweet voice whispering to him. He imagined whenever he looked at her what it would be like to kiss those rose-coloured lips. Nanao. Her name tasted like strawberries on his tongue whenever he spoke her sweet name.

He loved her.

But she didn't him.

He leaned back on the chair, knowing quite well how his small Fukutaicho felt. She does have feelings for me. I know she does. I just have to find another way into her heart without hurting it.

"Nanao," he muttered under his breath, "where are you?"

His eyes opened when he felt the familiar reiastu enter the room. His eyes immediately moved towards the woman standing there smirking at him. He stared at her more, frowning.

"You aren't Nanao. Who—"

And everything turned black.

xXx

Nanao knew deep inside that she never should have returned to him that night.

There Nanao's hand dropped to her side. Her eyes widened by the sight upon her. Gravity fell on her chest like a ten ton bolder, killing her heart instantly. She couldn't even move, as if the floor beneath her was made out of glue. She had become as still as stone, but breaking and cracking slowly.

In front of her was the man she thought loved her, kissing another woman.

The woman's eyes opened up to Nanao's. Behind the woman's glasses, her hazel eyes showed enjoyment and pleasure. Her hands were buried in the long strains of her Taicho's as she moved forward on his lap to get deeper. The woman was giving a show, and Nanao had a front row seat.

She watched Shunsui break from the lip lock, his eyes matching her shocked expression. The wordless conversation between them was enough for Nanao to dash away, pushing through the sea of drunken people dancing and laughing, and out into the fresh night air. Tears ran down her face. Her rhythmic deep breaths of oxygen fogged up her spectacles, making it impossible to see. Her mind had begun showing her the picture she didn't want, repeating it like a broken record player. Everything. Everything was now gone.

Nausea swarmed.

Tears overflowed.

She felt so sick she had to stop and cling to the wall for support.

She had become lost. Lost in the meaning of love.

Love.

Such a phony word. It had become utter poison, filling her body with toxin gas, and enabling her to look at her Taicho with revealing an innocent blush. It was Love that caused her to become wrapped up in this illusion that Kyoraku-taicho actually cared and had feelings for her. She had believed in Ukitake-taicho's words hours earlier. Her Taicho had been waiting years for her to finally give in and accept her feelings for what it was. She cursed silently at the trust she put in both men, but also herself. For years, she had denied it. She had forced her mind and self-taught herself to not fall for her Taicho's flirty ways. That it was only misleading and lead to heartbreak. But her heart never listened to such words, as much as she told it so. Love had developed, and surrounded itself like a disease around her heart, whispering it lies. And all this time, she believed it.

I believed him!

She had become a spawn in his little game. His little fucked up game of reality. He used her, make her think she had a chance. How could she be….

"I'm so stupid," she muttered under her breath.

Nanao's knuckles hit the wall. Immediately, the skin broke, causing blood to stain the walls. She cradled her hands, sliding down the wall, her tears streaming down her red cheeks.

Why? She asked herself over and over. I should have never have left him in the first place. If I had stayed…

If she had stayed, what would have happened? Nanao knew deep down she didn't have the courage to make a move, let alone sit on his lap like a….

"How disgusting," she muttered, clearing away her tears with her hands. Why would I think something so inappropriate! Even Kyoraku-taicho has his limits and that is beyond it!

Her eyes soften.

At least, I think it is.

She remembered the clear hazel eyes the woman had behind those glasses. Her short brunette hair— messy and ruffled. The look she gave Nanao…those eyes, she had seen them before. Just days earlier. Although her face was mostly concealed, Nanao recognized her. She was the same woman Nanao came in contact with outside the office. Only difference was, the woman she saw tonight didn't match the innocent and scared woman she saw at the office. It was wicked; something Nanao would see the women wearing when she came to get Shunsui at a dirty strip club. Except this woman wasn't doing it for money. This woman was purposely making sure Nanao saw what she was seeing and felt that bitter betrayal towards Shunsui. It was as if…

Was this planned? She stood up, looking down the street towards the direction she ran from, her eyes narrowing.

She didn't remember what her Taicho was doing specifically. Were his hands around her? Was he touching her inappropriately? Nanao head felt fuzzing from crying. But she did know one thing that was going on. This woman had played her. She was forcing Nanao into believing her Taicho had tricked her. She knew her Taicho's true feelings and intentions towards her, and hurting her wasn't one of them.

It was this woman. There was something about her that made Nanao's skin crawl.

You are not going to fool me.

Nanao started walking back towards the restaurant.

I'm going to find out who exactly you are.

Each footstep taken towards the building was another pain shooting through her heart. She thought about the talk her and Shunsui had. He was trying to help her and all she did was push him away. If she loved him and he loved her, they should be communicating passed Taicho and Fukutaicho. If not lovers, friends! They were friends, weren't they?

Nanao couldn't remember the last time or the first they did something together as friends and not as co-workers. Did she really waste decades with him without having a normal friend conversation? She knew she had a few with Ukitake-taicho, but never with her own Taicho.

And while she was so deep in thought, she didn't even notice she had fallen back into the place she had come so many times already.

I'm coming back here too many times tonight. Nanao commented, coming back into the restaurant.

It was already around three in the morning, and mostly everyone was either gone or passed out in the booths. And not only that— Nanao couldn't feel her Taicho's reiatsu anywhere. She felt vomit mix in her stomach. The lingering atmospheric smell of alcohol burned Nanao's nose. So much she had to leave the building, but that didn't stop her search. He could be back at home. But if he was at home, was she too? Nanao paused, looking up at the silver lantern of the moon.

What if she was wrong?

What if this woman was just a woman and she was just being paranoid?

What if Shunsui found someone who would love him?

Nanao felt a burning sensation in her chest like dynamite had begun the countdown to explosion. She held her injured hand to her heart, taking deep breaths to calm the rhythmic organ. She couldn't just walk up to his home and knock on the door! That would be disrespectful! Nanao wasn't like that and she would never turn into a person like that.

I should let him do what he wants. It doesn't matter anymore! He got a girl and…and what Nanao? Let them live happily ever after with you still working beside him?

She sighed at the moon.

And there is also the fact of the issue at hand. I'm still tied down and could probably never be with him even if I could. Not without killing him.

Her eyes moved to her injured hand—the knuckles scraped and swollen.

Maybe this is for the best. He could live happily and I won't have to worry about him leaving this world too soon.

A tear fell from her face.

Even though it kills me in the end.

xXx

There was always a line between what was good and what was bad. Nanao's parents had taught her that.

However, when she met Kyoraku-taicho, the thought changed.

She was seven years old when she first heard the low, deep hum of the man who rescued her. His voice was like a lion's purr, comforting her with a slow, mellow tune. It was a musical tune she thought she only heard in her dreams. But she opened her eyes to the bright, sun –gleaming lit room. Whiteness swarmed her vision like snow before burring into reality. She took a deep breath, getting used to her body, and remembering what she had just gone through. Confusion ran through her brain, trying to make sense of why her body felt normal. There was no pain. If she hadn't known about her treacherous night through the forest, the thought of why her body had no pain would've passed through her head.

But she remembered the scratches and blisters that ran caused.

The blood and mud painting her skin like a tattoo.

Darkness and murder.

It was all there in her head.

What she saw though, what she heard, was calmness. A whisper of the wind, echoing through her ears softly. It was like she was home again in her parent's arms, lying next to a warm fire as her mother's homemade stew filled the room in a heavy, rich aroma.

The only difference was the brightness of the room and the deep voice speaking to female voice.

An unrecognizable voice.

Nanao sat up quickly and turned her head to the two strangers whispering quietly. Their heads turned when Nanao stirred. The girl, in her early twenties, with black hair and glasses, walked towards her, wearing a stilled expression.

"Hey, Kid, are you alright?" she asked.

All Nanao could do was nodded slightly. Her eyes moved to the larger stranger sitting in a chair behind the girl. His soft eyes locking with hers. He didn't seem like a bad man, although Nanao did find it strange to see him wearing a woman's pink kimono on his back.

"Are you sure?" the girl asked again. "You were pretty much a wreck when we found you."

Nanao's eyes moved back to the girl.

"What happened to you anyways, Kid?"

Nanao's eyes went wide. Flashes of that night raced through her brain. She shook her head quickly, feeling the hyperventilation moving in.

And as a hand landed on her shoulder, Nanao placed her hand over her ears, crying out. Moments later someone had wrapped their arms around her. A warm chest; the scent of wild flowers and lavender; and a deep, rough voice, calming her down to small hiccups; Nanao felt immediately comforted by this man, whoever he was. She clung to him like he had become her life-line. In her mind, she couldn't remember the last time someone had held her like she meant something. She was afraid, at first, what he might do once he placed his hand on her shoulder, but now, Nanao knew the man's true nature. He was a caring man who she could trust.

Nanao looked up into the man's soft brown eyes, feeling a wave of warmth fill her body. A giant hand touched the top of her head gently, and a small smile appeared. "What's your name, little one?"

"Nan…Nanao. Nanao Ise," she said quietly.

"Nanao. What a lovely name."

A few seconds later another man appeared in the doorway. He bowed and spoke in a respectful and proper manner. "Kyoraku-taicho, Yadomaru-fukutaicho, I'm sorry to bother you, but there is an urgent manner that must dealt with."

"What is it?" Kyoraku asked, in what Nanao thought was a hard and demanding voice only leaders had.

"Sir, one of the leaders of The Black Lotus has arrived at the west gate and is demanding to speak to one of the Taicho's, Sir."

"And a reason why another Taicho can't deal with it is because…?"

"Sir, if I may speak out of line, but I think it involves the small child you came back with. They said the small girl that you picked up belonged to them and they want her back."

Nanao looked wide-eyed at both the man at the door way and Kyoraku-taicho. Her hands gripped his white haori in front of her tighter, trying to tell him her fear. He caught her eye, softened them for a second, before turning back to the man with a cold stare. "And how do they know the child is there's?"

The man started to become nervous. Nanao could see him shaking. "I…I don't know, Sir. They just said they saw you take the girl from the 42nd Rukon district."

An exasperated sigh escaped the Taicho's throat as he stood up with Nanao still clinging to his haori. She looked at him, shaking her head slowly. "Please…don't let them get me."

He gave her a smile. "Don't worry, Nanao-chan, you aren't going anywhere. I'm just going to go and speak to them, and I'll be right back."

Nanao was handed to Yadomaru-fukutaicho, but before he got too far, she reached out to grab the sleeve of his haori. "Don't go," she whispered, feeling the tears swell in her eyes.

He faced her with a smile and leaned down to her level. "You are going to stay with Lisa-chan for a bit, okay? But I want you to do something, and it's a very important mission only you can do, Nanao-chan." He handed her his kasa. "I need you to take care of my hat for me until I return. Can you do this, Nanao-chan?"

She gave him a nod and gripped the straw hat in her hands.

"I'll be right back."

And he came back.

He always did.

xXx

There was something about Mondays Nanao never liked, and it wasn't because of the amount of paper work she was piled with. It was the fact her Taicho rarely came in on Mondays due to hangovers. He would never come in, thus she would never see him. But when she opened her eyes to the new morning light, Nanao had a strange sensation in her bones—a chill or an itch that couldn't be scratched. There was going to be something about this day that would be different. The only thing was Nanao couldn't figure out if it was going to be good or bad.

She got ready like every day. Hair up and neat. Her shihakusho absent of any unwanted wrinkles. Glasses clean and clear. But something about her appearance felt off. She looked in the mirror just in case she had missed something, but nothing appeared out of the ordinary. Still, there was something she just couldn't put her finger on.

Her fingers touched her face lightly, feeling the tingling sensation. Her eyes closed, breathing in the warm scent of the morning air. As her fingers carelessly moved across her cheek, she imagined her Taicho's fingers doing the same. Then her eyes shot open and her hands moved away from her face. She shook her head, clearing the image, and realizing what was so different about today.

As she sunk to the floor, holding her chest, she knew what would probably happen this week, or even today. She would have to do the one thing she never thought she would do.

…saying goodbye.

She stood back up, touching her reflection in the mirror.

Why does love have to be so…

And she took a deep breath, leaving.

Her walk to the office was a quick one. In no time, she had arrived at the eighth's gates.

When she arrived at the office, she was confused on why the door had been unlocked. She swore she had locked it on Friday before leaving, and she was pretty much the first one here first thing Monday. Plus, only two people had keys, her and…

"But why would he be here so early?" she spoke.

She felt her heart start to beat violently. A flock of butterflies had entered her stomach, swarming and spreading her anxiety further. Above her she could slightly detect his reiastu too. She started climbing the stairs towards her and Shunsui's office. Once at the top, she saw the shoji door was ajar and unlocked.

No…impossible. She moved the door to the side to see him at his desk, writing away on paper. He looked up casually gave her a nod and said in a strict and proper tone, "Good morning, Fukutaicho-Ise."

Nanao stood still like a stone statue. Her eyes were wide at not only his tone, but what he called her. She moved her mouth to speak; however, no words were spoken. She blinked as he looked back up to her in a professional matter. His mouth line in a small frown and brows slightly furrowed. Nanao had never seen this look before. Usually when she was in a state of shock or a state of confusion and melancholic, he would be rushing to her, opening his arms to her, only to be pushed away by her hands or fan. Nanao never did like to be touched, but now, she wished she was in his arms.

"Is something wrong, Fukutaicho-Ise?"

She shook her head and moved to her desk, staring at the little paperwork she had to do. Her eyes moved over to his desk then to were a pile she would have on a regular day, laid. Then her eyes landed on him. He looked so different. His hair had been combed for once and was tied neatly with no flower pins. His 5 o'clock shadow had been shaved. His hat was nowhere to be seen. And his pink kimono, it was gone.

He was dressed the way Nanao always wanted him dressed. A way a Taicho should be dressed. But at the same time, it wasn't. She didn't like it.

"Kyoraku-taicho—"

"Shunsui-kun!" a woman's voice called down the hall.

Nanao looked to the woman who just arrived in the office, dressed in a regular Shinigami uniform. Right away Nanao knew who she was.

It was the girl from the other day.

So she was the one…

The girl gave Nanao a nasty smile and narrowed her eyes through her glasses as she moved towards Shunsui. Then Nanao watched as her own Taicho's mouth moved into a bright smile and brought the girl into his arms as she started to kiss him. Nanao couldn't watch anymore. Her eyes moved to the wall to her right until she heard the sound of a chair being moved and footsteps pattering against the wooden floor.

"Fukutaicho." Shunsui's stern voice echoed through her ears. It caught her attention and she looked at him. There he gave her a cold expression and placed a few papers on her desk. "I need you to fill these out accordingly and place them on my desk for review. I have to drop something off at the first division quickly. I would like those papers on my desk by noon, understand?"

All she did was stare at him.

"Fukutaicho-Ise."

All she could do was stand there and do nothing while her whole world started crashing down.

"Fukutaicho-Ise!"

She blinked. "Yes? Yes, Sir. I'll get that done right away."

"Excellent." She watched him lean down and kissed the girl quickly. "I'll be right back, Hana-chan. Wait for me here and then we'll go to breakfast."

Nanao's skin crawled as she heard the familiar tone of his voice. The same soft, flirty tone he spoke to her and only her.

Then he left, leaving her and…

"I'm Hana," she smiled, her hand out to shake Nanao's. "You must the famous Nanao Ise."

Nanao looked at the hand, not shaking it. "Famous?"

"Shunsui-kun has spoken much about you."

"Really? Because from what I saw just now, he isn't the type to do so."

"Well, when I met him he was…let's just say very talkative and improper, but with a little few days of love, you can change…a lot?" she laughed.

Nanao narrowed her eyes and walked around her desk. "What did you do to him?"

"I already told you. I don't think I need to repeat myself. I mean, he did mention you were a good listener, or was that lie."

"Who are you?"

"I already told you! Gods, you are so…not a good listener. I'll have to have a little chat to Shunsui-kun about that."

Nanao shook her head out of disbelief. "Shunsui-kun?…okay stop!"

"No, you stop," Hana said in a gentle tone. "Shunsui-kun is finally happy, and here you are about to ruin it. Why can't you just understand that he's finally found someone who loves and appreciates him instead of pushing him around and messing with his heart? He loves me and I love him. Accept that. Besides, you never loved him in the first place, why should it matter now? Weren't you the one who rejected his love on Friday? And by the way, did you enjoy the show?"

This girl had left Nanao speechless! Her hands rolled into a fist, ready to give this girl a piece of her mind, but she stood her ground remembering her past. She's right. Remember? This girl is saving him from you. He is happy, so why can't you be, Nanao? He will live a normal and long life and you…

"Face it, Nanao-san, Shunsui-kun has moved on. It's time let go of the past."

"The past?" she looked at Hana. "The past is one thing I can never let go of."

There was a slight pause. A silence through the air. Then Hana smirked. "You know, Nanao-san. I'm surprised."

"About?"

"About the fact someone as smart as you hasn't figured it out yet."

Nanao's eyes narrowed. "Figured what out?"

Shunsui's reiastu filled the room before any more speech was released by either of the women. He entered the room and wrapped his hand around Hana's waist. "Ready to go?" he asked.

She nodded to him as she looked back to Nanao. "It was nice to meet you, Nanao-san. I hope we can talk more later. Goodbye."

And as they left, Shunsui didn't say anything to Nanao. He didn't even look at her.

There wasn't even a goodbye.

And that's it! I really want to get passed these next chapters since some hard stuff happens. I know...you all probably aren't happy with the situation at all, but do not fret! It shall not last. :)

Please review! I love them! ^^