Ami and Makoto: A Dark and Stormy Night
A.N. Makoto and Ami find love together on a dark and stormy night.
This story is the companion piece to my other fic "Ripple Effects on a Nanoscale", but works as a standalone. Feel free to read both for context.
The conclusion of this story has been posted to Ao3 (author name TheDrifter) due to ffn's restrictions regarding sexual content.
Thank you for reading! Reviews always appreciated and often responded to.
Outside Makoto's Apartment
It was a dark and stormy night. The sound of the doorbell cut in between the rumbling thunder.
Ami grimaced at the cliche. There was something insincere about following a tired old scene played out in thousands of romance novels.
Yet, this was real life, and here she was. Ringing on Mako's doorbell. Waiting to be let in. Again.
This had been their routine for some time now. Ever since the thunderstorm that led to their first kiss.
That kiss was extraordinary. It was shortly after the battle at Mugen. Mako went to check up on Ami after she'd missed a planned study session; Mako wanted to make sure she was alright. She wasn't. She was lying on the floor of her bedroom in too much pain to move. Ami was apparently more injured than anyone had realized. Mako stayed with her until the pain had passed. Ami held on to her like it was the only thing keeping her together. She had kissed Mako that night. First in desperation, in case she'd never have another chance to do so, and then again in relief as day broke and she'd recovered from her mysterious injuries. A rare emotional lapse.
They have kissed since then as well. Softer, sweeter, and more hesitant kisses. After the first kiss, neither of them wanted to stop, just as neither of them really knew what to do next. They had never actually resolved what their feelings were for each other. They just came together every time a storm approached.
It felt right. Storms were their thing now.
Makoto answered the door and let her in as Ami knew she always would.
Really, none of this made any sense at all. Why was Makoto always here? Why did Ami always come? It was strange for Ami to be acting on feelings alone. She never trusted feelings. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she was analyzing the hell out of the situation, and none of the pieces fit. Ami's brain churned through the truth, the illusion of truth, and all the lies she told herself about the truth. Nothing was what it seemed to be.
Except for Makoto.
Kino Makoto. 木野まこと. It was right there in the name. Trust her. She was so...simple. Sincere. Elemental. Her thoughts and actions flowed together as one. She expressed herself in everything that she did. Lunch boxes for her friends, chasing after love, running headfirst into battle, diving to take the blow for her fellow senshi. Ami could think of a million examples and each one held its own sacred truth. Mako is as Mako does. Ami was torn between being jealous and being impressed.
Makoto was that one person in a million who could hold infinite power, and never once think to use it for themselves. Her instinct was always to protect others. She was similar to Usagi in that regard. So pure. Honest and incorruptible. Ami admired her for that.
She leaned back into Mako's arms and lost herself in the sensation of being held. They were lying in bed together now. Mako pulled her closer, protecting her from the storm outside and within.
Was this love?
Ami considered the day they first met. Ami remembered the sudden rush of blood to her face as her heart rate increased in proximity to this girl she'd just met. Tall and strong, yet graceful and sensitive. The way her femininity shone through the false dichotomy between her body and personality. The Hercules girl from class 2-6 that Usagi told her about. The one everyone said was a bully and a troublemaker. The one everyone avoided. She was here, gently petting Luna and making cute little cooing noises at the cat. Ami was charmed. Makoto was so genuine, and her reputation so false. Ami suddenly hated gossip with a passion she hadn't realized she was capable of. Here was another girl who's reputation preceded her. Ami could relate.
All of this happened in a moment. She had never experienced such a physical reaction to meeting someone.
Was it love?
Then there was D-Point. Her own cold acceptance of death. The greater desire to make Jupiter's sacrifice mean something. All roads lead to death up there in the Arctic, so she simply chose the one that her analysis concluded was the most practical. She knew she would die to give her Senshi a temporary tactical advantage, and she accepted that without hesitation. Any advantage could turn the tide that day and for Usagi's sake, she would do anything. Was it a coincidence that her heart was comforted by the idea of remaining at Jupiter's side forever? She selfishly didn't want to die alone.
Was that love?
Ami thoughts grew more chaotic. Memories of her life flashed by.
The many times they laughed and fought alongside each other. Desperately holding each other back from the void.
The few times she was honest with Mako, and was repaid with compassionate understanding.
All of that, and now. Was this love?
Was love fair? Ami was a Senshi. She had a mission. Love would be a distraction from that. Anyone she loved would be at risk. It wasn't fair to them. One day she might not return from battle. She wasn't sure she was capable of love. A hundred and one reasons not to be in love right now. Excuses, excuses.
Mako's cluelessly ironic advice came back to her from years back. Be honest to her feelings. Was she just scared of being in love?
She was terrified right now. Logically...it must be love.
She was in love with Kino Makoto.
From the instant physical attraction the day they met, to the deeper, implicit trust that she felt with Mako now. She could be herself with Mako. No more second guessing. No more running away.
No more denying it.
She was in love with Kino Makoto.
Did Mako love her?
She was an illusionist born. A liar. A veneer of cool, controlled kindness over a heart of fear and doubt. Ami lived inside her own head more often than not. How could Mako even know her? Much less love her?
Ami considered it for a moment then stopped.
She had already concluded that she was in love with Mako. That was all she needed to know. Whether or not Mako loved her back wouldn't change the fact that she was in love with Mako one bit. After everything Mako's done for her, she deserved the truth. Mako was strong. She could handle it. If there was anyone in the world she trusted. It was Mako. She had to believe.
Have faith. Faith that love could be reciprocated. Faith that it didn't matter one way or the other. The important thing was to be honest to herself. To stop running.
"Kino Makoto. I love you"
There. It was out in the open now. No more running away from her feelings. She was in love with Kino Makoto.
Makoto's heart jumped. Did she just hear that?
She'd been hoping to hear those words for a long time. Maybe she just imagined it, or Ami was just lost in the moment. No wait. This was AMI she was talking about. The girl who never did anything without careful consideration and full intent.
No. Ami definitely said "Kino Makoto, I love you".
Consideration. Ami had to know the impact of those three little words, especially to someone like her. Ami was always considerate. That's what drew her attention her in the first place. Ami was so considerate of others, so kind. She never wanted to hurt anyone. She had all the empathy in the world, kind of like Usagi. With all the bullshit people in the world, Ami was as refreshing as a cool drink of water. She had admired her for her kindness.
Then admiration turned into fascination. Ami was brilliant. She had a way of looking at the world that was just levels above the ordinary. In retrospect, Makoto should have seen it sooner. How did someone who saw the world so differently, manage to be kind and empathize with everyone around her?
Makoto got her answer one day.
It was the day the Emeraude's Droid infected some random cram school with dark energy. The students at the cram school all turned on Ami, accusing her of cheating. Things were heading towards violence. Makoto had stepped in and stopped it by tossing a few of the bullies around. Ami asked her to stop. No more violence. Ami said that she was ok, that she was more upset about missing some stupid question on the exam. The bullies didn't bother her, so Mako didn't need to hurt them. Then she ran off.
That's when Mako knew. Ami was a liar.
Since that day, Mako started to pay attention. Now she could see the ripples in the mirage. Her pathological need to avoid conflict, her shyness, her reluctance to speak up for herself. Makoto started to look at all that in a different light. It wasn't weakness. It was sacrifice. That was Ami's daily grind.
For all the difficulties it presented, all the times it would have been easier to just let go, Ami clung onto her kindness. Ami lied each and everyday, to herself, and to the world, in order to maintain her connections to others. Perhaps even to protect them. She walked away from conflict not because she was afraid, but because she knew she would win. The idea of Ami without her kindness. The thought was chilling.
Memories of Viluy came to mind.
Ami never spoke much about that day and Makoto never pried, in light of the circumstances. She did mention once that Viluy, then in the guise of Yui Bidoh, had taken her aside and shown her something. Makoto didn't quite understand what it was, something about a scale model universe, but Ami spoke of it in awe. It fascinated her. Ami thought Viluy was testing her, to see if she had the temperament to join the Death Busters. Ami was happy that she'd failed that test miserably. Intelligence didn't equate to sociopathy afterall.
Because Makoto was looking, she caught a faint echo of wistfulness as Ami described that encounter. Ami would never admit how tempted she was by that. A life time of loneliness made it hard for her to walk away from an invitation. Especially one that offered knowledge and power. Mako would never tell her how she saw through her mask for just a moment. Ami wasn't really capable of expressing her emotions though words anyways, they only came out through her actions. Once again, she'd walked away from exploring her full potential for the sake of others. A necessary kindness.
Ami was as protective of others as she was. Where Makoto protected them physically from harm, Ami protected them from herself. With kindness
Makoto desperately wanted to reach out to Ami, to let her know they shared this connection. To tell her how much she loved her for who she was and how much she wanted to know her better. She needed to know that she was appreciated, and loved for who she was, and that she was being way too hard on her self. Ami and her high standards. That'll be the death of her one day. Ami needed to be protected from herself sometimes. Mako wanted to be the one to do it.
She fell in love that day. Too bad her timing was godawful. The approaching Silence made it the possibly the worst time ever to have a heart-to-heart - especially with the girl that was pathologically afraid of romance. Seriously, who gets hives just receiving a love letter?
When things settled down again and they had all miraculously survived, it seemed like "getting back to normal" was the new goal. Telling Ami that her best friend was in love with her seemed like a bad idea.
Makoto went back and forth, but she always stopped herself. How much did Ami need her lies? She had built barriers around herself for a reason. To push past them without an invitation could shatter the trust that lay between them.
Then tonight, she heard it. "Kino Makoto, I love you."
That was about a minute ago. Ami was facing away from her, Makoto couldn't see her face, but she knew that Ami meant what she said and was anxious to know what would happen next. She probably thought Makoto was preparing to let her down gently.
For someone so perspective, Ami had a single massive blind spot. Love.
She'd been wanting to say this for what felt like forever.
'Mizuno Ami. I love you too."
Mako loved her!
She honestly didn't expect that to happen. Secretly hoped and longed for yes, but for some reason always dismissed the possibility that it would actually happen.
Ami laughed out loud. A spontaneous outburst of joy. She turned to face Makoto. She was there. She was real. This was really happening.
She reached up and touched Mako's face. Definitely real. Green eyes sparkled in amusement at her exploration.
Ami was happy. Happy enough to drown out the small voice in her head that was asking "Why?". She loved surprises. It wasn't often that anything caught her off guard. Ami loved the feeling of new discoveries, and this was the best of all. She kissed Mako quickly before dissolving in another fit of giggles. The excitement of new discovery was making her giddy.
"Sorry, I don't know the last time I laughed like that."
"I remember. I love it! Never apologize. It's the cutest thing ever."
"Oh? You remember?"
"I was paying attention I guess. I couldn't help it. It was when Chibi-Usa accidentally turned off gravity at the Fruit Parlour. I was panicking and swimming around trying to get to the ground. Then I noticed you. You were laughing like it was Christmas morning. That calmed me down. I want to hear you laugh like that every single day."
"Well, then that means I'd have to see you everyday."
It was a side of Ami few ever saw, or even knew existed. Flirtatious. Makoto could have sworn she said that with a wink and a smile.
"mmm, seriously though Mako-chan? That didn't bother you?"
"What do you mean?"
Ami looked away again, but her body language was stayed relaxed. Good. This was contemplative Ami, and not broody depressed Ami. Mako would just have to picture her usual thinking pout. She'd be willing to bet anyone that Ami's eyes were closed too.
"I mean, panicking is a completely acceptable response to a sudden lack of gravity. Especially given that we were actually dealing with a clan of assassins from the future at the time. I mean, I enjoy new experiences, and no gravity really was interesting...caught me off guard. But in retrospect, laughing about it sounds kind of...wrong."
"Eh. Normal is overrated. The way you laughed told me that you were completely confident that it was something you could handle. How could I still be worried after that? You've gotten us out of situations like that tons of times before. Besides, I like watching you work."
"You, Kino Makoto, are a very strange girl."
"And you love that."
Mako kissed the top of Ami's head. That was about as close as she could get to her big sexy brain without disturbing the very comfortable cuddle they had going on right now.
"I do. Very much. I guess you've been watching me closer than I realized"
Makoto could feel Ami blushing. There was so much she wanted to tell Ami. The words all came out in a jumbled rush.
"I watch you all the time. I notice lots of things about you. I notice that sometimes, you get tired of explaining the same math problem to each of us over and over, but you are too kind to let us fail. I notice that you say things are ok, even when they aren't. I notice how tiring that gets for you, but you always pour your heart into everything you do for others. I know what makes you happy. I also notice how you get whenever we are dealing with an alternate dimension. You shift into an extra gear or something. It's amazing. And I know that right now, you are probably starting to go into shock at the idea that anyone would pay that much attention to you, but you know what? You're incredible. I've always wanted to share that with you."
"Alternate dimensions? Physics and I have a...ah...complicated relationship is all."
Ami knew her response was lame compared to Mako's heartfelt outpouring. It was hard to think while being overwhelmed with happiness. Ami thought she might be crying.
Makoto gently admonished her new partner with a light squeeze.
"Take the compliment Ami. You're beautiful, you save my ass on a regular basis and you're in love with me. What more could I ask for?"
"You really believe all that?"
"Of course. Would I lie to you?"
Ami turned to her again, staring at her intensely.
"Never. You would never lie to me Mako. I couldn't say I love you if I didn't trust you."
Nothing but truth.
"I trust you with my life Makoto."
The words were whispered against Mako's lips. Ami kissed her then. No hesitation. Heart and mind finally acting in concert towards the same goal.
The kiss started soft and tender, as they often were. This time however, Ami kept pushing.
There were few enough times that Ami just went with the moment. Exams, where right or wrong, was right or wrong and no one got hurt. Battle, where there was no right or wrong, but hesitation got yourself or others killed...and now love, where being with the one she trusted simply felt right.
"Ami?"
Laughing blue eyes pulled back to look into dazed-looking green ones.
"Someone once told me to be more honest to my feelings. I trust her."
Ami leaned in for another kiss. This time the heat in the action took Makoto's breath away. No more lies. No more hidden meanings or half truths. Only love.
-Fade to black-
And by "Fade to black", I mean Ao3.
A.N.
the "Hercules Girl" description of is taken from the first episode of season R (episode 47: Moon Revived: Mysterious Aliens Appear) when Usagi bumps into Mako at the crater before they recover their memories. It was just such a bizarre way to describe someone I had to borrow it.
I was planning to write a simple PWP for Mako/Ami, but it accidentally turned into a character study. I can't help it. Ami is so interesting. Taken with my other stories "Long Road to Mugen", "Ripple Effects on a Nanoscale" and "Nurse Venus", one can get a good sense of my personal interpretation of Mizuno Ami. Feel free to PM/review. Always happy to discuss character interpretations with anyone :)