Part 2: Not Running Anymore
Everyone leaves the "party", everyone except Jake. He's talking to Maggie, but I know he is just waiting until I'm free so we can talk again. Jake used to be scared, he used to never face his problems head on. Now, he always has the guts to walk into his problems head on. I admire that. I especially admire that because I still waste as much time as possible before I have to go to a party at Emily's.
I'm cleaning the kitchen, when Seth walks in. I sense him watching me, at first I don't say anything but I can't take him watching me anymore. I stop washing the dishes and I turn to him, "What?" I ask him bitterly, more bitter than I had wanted.
"Why is he sticking around? Don't get me wrong, I like Jake but…. I'd also like to spend some time with Maggie." Seth says.
"Why don't you ask him to leave then?" I tell him and continue washing the dishes.
"Because something tells me he is hanging around for a specific reason. A reason that has nothing to do with Maggie and I." Seth says. He walks over to me and takes the dish beside me and starts washing them. "Seriously Leah, you baked all those cupcakes today, you don't need to wash the dishes too. I can handle this."
"It's fine, really Seth. I enjoy it." I tell him and dry the dish in my hand. I reach for another one but he stops me.
"Something tells me he's not going to leave until he has talked to someone here. We both know that someone isn't Maggie, since he has been talking to her for an hour. I don't think it is me either, Leah." Seth says.
I reach for the plate again, but he stops me again. "I don't really want to talk to him Seth."
"Look, Leah, I'm just your brother, and maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about but earlier it didn't look like you were so miserable talking to him. You can't keep running from it Leah. You might be able to avoid him tonight, but we both know he is one of the most stubborn people on the reservation. He won't stop until he has said what he needs to say. Isn't it better to get it all out there sooner rather than later?" Seth says and just like that he doesn't look like a child to me anymore. His eyes are worried about me, but they don't hold pity in them like so many others around me. He is just genuinely worried for his sister. It's strange to me, he never used to worry, and I was the one who worried about him. When my little brother has better grasp on how to go through life than I do, that's when it's time to start worrying and changing things.
I'm done running from my problems.
I smile to him. "How old are you again?" He smiles to me. "You sure you've got this?" I ask him.
"I think I can handle doing a few dishes." Seth says. "Seriously, go before I kick you both out."
I smile and walk out of the kitchen. I walk to Jake he's talking to Maggie but he stops midsentence. I grab his forearm, "Mind if I borrow him for a bit?" I ask Maggie.
She smiles and shakes her head. "I was going to help Seth clean up. Have fun."
I pull Jake outside and he follows me. I keep pulling him towards the beach. I don't want to talk in my backyard, I want to talk on the beach shore; I've always felt stronger on the beach. I keep pulling him in silence and he lets me. I'm kind of surprised he isn't fighting me. Maybe he was thinking we should go somewhere else to talk too.
When we get to the rocky shore, I stop and let go of his arm. I face the water for a moment and try to gather my thoughts. My head has been swarmed with thoughts since that conversation we had earlier. What all did he say? I was so distracted with trying to get away from him; do I remember everything he said?
I don't love Nessie…
I don't think I'd ever feel that way towards her…
There's this other girl I can't seem to get out of my head…
He stands in silence; I guess it's my move this time. He made his move earlier, it's my turn. "I'm sorry you are so confused Jake…" Is that what I really wanted to say?
"I don't want you to be sorry." Jake says in a soft whisper.
"What exactly do you want from me? I'm sorry you aren't in paradise with your imprint. I'm sorry there is this other girl that you have feelings for. I'm sorry this is so hard for you. I don't really understand why you are coming to me. Have you talked to Billy?" I say.
"Yes, I've talked to him. He doesn't think I'm going to ever be attracted to Nessie if I'm not already. I'm sorry for upsetting you Leah. I'm just so tired of holding everything in, I had to tell you." Jake says.
"You had to tell me what? That you are in love with another girl? Why would I need to know that Jake?" I say to him, my heart is racing, I feel like I'm going to cry. It was hard enough to picture him with Bella, then Nessie, now there's another girl?
Jake looks down. "You didn't get it earlier did you?" He looks up and meets my eyes. "I thought you understood what I was saying earlier. I thought all of the avoiding was because you didn't feel the same way."
"What are you talking about Jake?" I ask him.
Jake grabs my arms and pulls me close. "I was saying all of those things earlier Leah because I'm tired of the secrets. I'm tired of being so afraid that you'll see how I truly feel. Every time we change, I'm so scared you'll read my thoughts and see how much I think about that other girl." Jake says.
"Please… Jake stop." I tell him. I'm not mentally prepared to talk to him about another girl.
Jake shakes his head. "Leah… the other girl… she's you." He whispers. "It's been you for so long now. I'm just so tired of hiding it from you. I'm so tired of looking at you and wanting to tell you, wanting to kiss you, wanting to be with you." His hand goes to a stray piece of my hair; he pushes it gently behind my ear.
"I'm… the other girl?" I ask him. Did I hear that right?
He leans close to my ear. I feel his warm breath against my ear, "Yes."
At first, I want to melt. I'm about to kiss him but then a thought squirms its way into my mind. I push him away from me, he looks surprised. "Why would you tell me that?" I say angrily. I shove him again. "Why would you tell me that when you know we can't be together?" Another shove to his chest, he just takes it now. "Do you just want to torture me?" Another shove. "You must know how I feel." Another shove. "Is this some sick joke? Who put you up to this?" This shove is more forceful and he stumbles on a rock, he lands on the shore. He even falls perfectly. I hate him. "This isn't funny."
"Of course it isn't funny." Jake says looking up to me. "This isn't a joke." He looks worried I'm going to attack him again. "Can I stand up now?" His eyes resemble a puppy's, and my anger simmers down slightly.
"Fine."
Jake keeps a good distance. "I'm not trying to upset you. I just wanted to be honest. I was tired of living a lie." He steps closer cautiously. "We could be together Leah. That's what I talked to my dad about. He thinks it's possible for a wolf to choose his own mate. Just like some wolves never imprint, those that do could choose to love and be with someone else. He had told me it would be a difficult choice, but I knew I'd already chosen you a long time ago. Quil talks about thinking of Claire constantly when he's not with her. Wanna know who I think of?" I nod and he steps closer slowly. "You." He says. "I constantly think of you, of being with you. When I picture my life in the future, I try and try to picture it with Nessie. But I just picture it with you. I only want you Leah. I care about Nessie, but I need you."
He's really close to me again, but I don't mind. I'm calmer when he is this close. I mean, my heart is still racing, I don't think it will ever get used to short distance between Jake and I, but my anger has completely dissolved. I don't feel so alone anymore. I internally groan at the next thought I have because it is so cliché, but I feel complete with him.
I smile to him, "Prove it." I say softly.
Jake smiles; his hand gently caresses my face and then goes to the back of my neck. He moves closer to me, his face inches from mine. His lips press onto mine. Although he is gentle, his kiss isn't all gentle. I can feel the desire in his kiss. I wrap my arms around him and kiss him back passionately.