CLEANSING AND CLARITY

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who created and, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and settings elaborated herein.

A/N: Spoilers, seventh year fic, begun after OotP and not compatible with HBP or DH, but may contain spoilers. (This chapter does.) Thanks to all my reviewers and especially to my previewers, Bellegeste, Cecelle and Lady Memory.

Dear Severus,

I don't know what to say. If I brought you cleansing and clarity, I'm glad, but I never meant to cause you pain. I'm sorry. I should have thought. We had to sort through every little thing when we cleaned Grimmauld Place for the Order. It stands to reason you'd have to do the same with memories.

I didn't mean to pry. I suppose I imagined you'd confided in someone you've known better and longer than me. Professor Dumbledore or another colleague. Or someone I've never met; I hardly think I know all your acquaintances.

There are a couple of things I'm confused about. Don't tell me unless you want to. I know it's not my business, and you said I'm better off not knowing, but I'm trying to reconcile "relentless malice" with saving your life over Sirius's prank, and I just can't. You must have reasons for thinking he generally acted maliciously, but surely that, at least, was not malicious.

Also, you told me once that you became a Death Eater because you wanted to hurt Professor Dumbledore. If so much of your life revolved around Harry's parents, I don't understand where the headmaster came into it.

Hermione

Confide in Dumbledore? That was never an option. He knew, always, enough to be sure of my loyalties, but he has never encouraged my confidences, nor believed me in any matter involving Potter's gang. You've seen that for yourself.

My proof of Potter's malice is from his own mouth. He told Lily once – after Black had almost fed me to their pet werewolf – that he harassed me for the fact that I existed.

Having long suspected Lupin's condition, I was disturbed to spot his friends sneaking out one full moon night. I knew they could have no legitimate reason to visit him. Human company inflames rather than comforts a werewolf; he must attack either them or, if restrained (as seemed likely), himself. After Lily refused point-blank to listen to my warnings, it was easy for Black to goad me into seeing for myself.

They set me up neatly. You call it "Sirius's prank", but Potter and Black always hunted together. Perhaps Black added the touch of loosing the werewolf into the tunnel before sending me down it, forcing Potter to "save" me. (Really to save them; had I died, an investigation must have revealed their crimes.)

There was no investigation. Dumbledore, the reputedly omniscient defeater-of-Grindelwald and Wizengamot Head, believed them, not me. People always did, but he should have known better. He freed them of my surveillance; to do what, I only learned years later when I overheard Lupin's reminiscences. I was discredited, and Potter exalted as hero and, eventually, Head Boy.

I was the more resentful of Dumbledore for having previously admired him. I'd foolishly dreamed that one day he'd turn from state affairs to Hogwarts, and surely mete out judgement and justice. It was his job, after all. Vain hopes, indeed.

I'll see you on Sunday.

S

A/N: This chapter reflects my new understanding of the werewolf incident, after taking into account what we learned in DH:
1) that Snape entered the tunnel already believing that Lupin was a werewolf (but presumably assuming he was securely restrained),
2) that he'd told Lily but been ignored,
3) that the werewolf trick came before the underpants incident,
4) that Dumbledore's PS/SS comments were both deliberately misleading and based on ignorance of relevant facts, such as the Marauders' criminal activities.

Based on Sirius's comment, "It served him right! Sneaking around, trying to find out what we were up to ...", I've postulated that Snape had seen Lupin's friends sneak around at full moon at least once before Sirius decided it would be "amusing" to tell him how to get in the tunnel. Also, in the absence of evidence for any subsequent mistrust of Sirius or split amongst the Marauders, I now interpret "your father ... heard what Sirius had done..." (PoA, ch 18) as James having received a confederate's report rather than a confession. Snape was right; it was James's trick.