second probe walked among them with the appearance of Ilia. A machine merely a shell that resembled the woman who had been Ilia.
The first probe had taken Ilia into the great vastness of the ship that surrounded them, but it had offered no answers in return.
The second probe only asked questions.
It was only logical therefore that he seek out the information. It was his duty as science officer.
He had reasoned out every action.
It was logical that he make the attempt to communicate directly with the alien vessel. He alone had been able to sense its presence.
It was logical that he communicate directly as their mechanical attempts had been unreliable. As the only Vulcan aboard he was the only one who possessed the ability to do so.
It was logical that he leave the ship. The most efficient means of communication necessitated that he leave the distractions of sound and emotion and follow the psychic emanations to their strongest source.
With only 6 hours to Earth there was little time to explain to the Captain.
It would be a wasted effort since there was a 94% chance that Kirk would not permit the away mission. As a human he had no comprehension of the magnitude of the power and logic Spock sensed.
There was a brief thrill of anticipation and did he not question it. It was logical and well reasoned.
He silently incapacitated the lone ensign on duty, effectively absolving the young human of any crime.
Once inside the space suit he stepped quickly and efficiently outside the airlock.
The absence of sound in space was deafening. The relief from the emotional onslaught of the crew was as breathtaking as the view of the massive field enveloping them.
He realized now that he had decided to mind meld with the power source long before coming to this place. He had known from the moment that he heard the tone on Vulcan that if he were to touch the mind of such order and balance that he would finally find peace.
Navigation was simple in space, with only his mind to guide the course.
He did not even question the reasons for the image of Ilia he simply recorded the mission as any other solitary away mission, for the record – for posterity.
He felt no uncertainty or anxiety. He simply lifted his hands to the image and reached out with his body and mind as if he would touch something solid, something real.
In the 3 seconds that passed, Spock's mind was assaulted with more information than anyone could ever comprehend.
V'ger - it called itself V'ger.
Only the barest of images, fragments of memories were discernable.
V'ger's memories and his own memories became one.
/Answers?/
/What were the answers?/
/Require the answers!/
The Deltan female Ilia-The space station Epsilon 9 - Peace - Pure Power - arching energy - The Human female Dr. Chapel - Chaos - Ilia - Space station - Ilia - V'ger - V'ger alone - Peace - Ilia - V'ger - Ilia - Dr. Chapel - Christine Chapel - V'ger - Christine - Epsilon 9 - Peace - Chaos
No - it was not possible - pain.
There was such pain and emptiness here.
Epsilon 9 - anguished cries, terror, chaos.
Ilia turned to face him. Terror. Fear.
Peace. A message of peace, of mankind, of brotherhood. The human race.
The imaging conduit - full of plasma flashing like memories. Flashing power, heat, chaos, terror.
Dr. Chapel. Compassion, order in the chaos. Strength, courage? Emotions. Too many emotions.
Peace. It is a message of peace from mankind to the universe. It was a question a quest for answers.
Is this all that there is?
Epsilon 9. No answers. More questions. Millions of questions.
Is there nothing more?
Dr. Chapel? No fear. Balance.
Not possible.
Ilia the probe, the woman, the officer alive and not alive. Only a shell of a being where a woman should be.
No!
Peace! Humankind wishes you peace! A message of peace from - from - V'ger, from Epsilon - Ilia - Chapel.
No! It is not possible. It is too much!
In 3.1415926535 seconds his mind was overwhelmed with information and images that were impossible to comprehend and they burned bright like the sterile vacuum of space.
Then there was nothingness.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Jim Kirk adjusted the glove of the space suit impatiently. The airlock crew insisted on a thorough check of their captain, since they had been unable to convince him not to go.
Leonard McCoy was not so willing to let it go. He fairly seethed with anger at his friend's irrational behavior.
"Just what the hell do you think you're going to accomplish with this act of heroism?" He shouted
"I'm not trying to be a hero, Bones. I'm trying to find Spock."
"You don't need to find him, you know where he is. You could beam him back if you wanted to. You could stop him right now."
"I don't want him stopped, Bones. I want him to lead me to whatever's out there."
"And if that whatever has taken over his mind?"
"Then he'll still have lead me to it, won't he?"
With an angry turn he marched into the airlock and was quickly decompressed for the space walk.
The silence of space was momentarily frightening. Instead of stars, there was nothing but V'ger all around. It was like some sort of icy nightmare.
He could just make out the silhouette of Spock against the aperture like opening of the next chamber of V'ger's vastness.
Jim pressed the acceleration button on his power pack. This time Spock would not go in alone. This time, Jim would stop him.
He was almost there, 100 meters more. He reached for his comm button on his suit and then quite suddenly there was a flash of light and Spock jetted out of sight into the small orifice that opened into the next chamber.
Before he could react the aperture closed and Spock was gone.
NO!
Not possible!
He was just there it wasn't possible. How could he have failed again?
He checked his suit sensors. The aperture opened at regular intervals. If he timed it properly he could follow Spock through and find him.
He had to find him.
He watched the aperture flex and then open. The barest of seconds later he caught the image of a humanoid form flying out toward him.
It was Spock!
He was only gone for a few moments. His figure floated dumbly toward Enterprise. As he came closer, Kirk could see that Spock was not moving.
He caught the limp figure, now curled in almost fetal position as he floated aimlessly through space.
Spock was unconscious, or dead. Kirk couldn't tell. He shook the body of his friend "Spock! Spock!" but the Vulcan didn't or couldn't respond.
He hugged the lean body to his and navigated them back to the airlock. It didn't even occur to him that he could have beamed directly to sickbay.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
He could hear the sound of V'ger still, ringing in his ears and in his mind.
So much information had flooded his brain that he could barely understand it. But he felt something. The beating of his heart, the sounds of the hissing air circulating in the room, the breathing of these humans.
He did not hear the whispers of Klingon.
In its place there was silence.
He had focused so much of his attention on the sensation of V'ger's call that he had almost forgotten the sound of it. The hateful whispers of his own weakness.
Now, quite suddenly there was silence.
He had sought the source of the purest logic he could find hoping against hope that its sterile scientific precision would answer his questions.
Is there peace in this control?
Is there sufficient control to reign in the fury?
Or am I nothing more than an animal?
Coming fully in contact with V'ger he found his answer.
The answer was 'No'.
No, there is no more peace in absolute control than in any other existence.
No, he was only a flesh and blood being. An entity without answers, but not without options.
V'ger had reached the edge of its comprehension and hungered for more. It had reached out to touch Ilia for that very reason.
Spock had reached the brink of his ability to control and could now see it was not what he needed.
An illogical assumption had sent him seeking the sterility of ultimate control. He had been seeking peace, not emptiness. All V'Ger offered was emptiness.
Peace, he now understood, was an emotion.
An emotion beyond V'ger's comprehension, but not beyond Spock's.
When logic guides the mind then emotions cannot control the body, but when control and logic rule the mind then the emotions cannot exist in the body.
V'ger understood.
V'ger sought peace as well.
Is this all that I am, is there nothing more?
V'ger sought more than its sterile emptiness.
V'ger craved what Spock cast aside the peace of belonging, emotional belonging. The peace of a home and a place in the universe.
"Now scanning the pons area. Spinal nerve fiber connection."
'Nerve fiber? Whose nerve fiber?' Spock thought in response.
"Indications of some neurological trauma. The power pouring through that mind meld must have been staggering."
'Staggering. Did the doctor just say he was staggering? No, the power was staggering.' Yet the image remained. Staggering. He was staggering under the weight of the knowledge.
Staggering, like a drunkard. Like a man drunk with wine weaving and bobbing joyfully as he moved. Drunk with joy, as carefree as a child.
Staggering.
The power of V'ger and the knowledge and the ignorance of V'ger was staggering.
He was drunk, drunk on knowledge. A drunkard staggering through the universe.
'Bartender another round for my friend!'
He laughed.
It felt good.
It felt good to feel again.
Jim was suddenly there before him. "Spock?"
Spock raised his eyes to Jim.
His friend Jim.
And he felt peace. He let himself feel it as he drank in Jim's presence.
The hazel eyes of the man he had not seen in 2 and a half years peered down at him, hungry for the connection they once shared. The emotional connection of belonging.
Spock's heart leapt into his throat at the sight of him. Like a long lost brother he reached out to Spock, brazenly sharing his friendship and love. Spock accepted it and it warmed him as no medical concoction could.
"Jim." He said and he smiled. "I should have known."
"Were you right? About V'ger?"
He nodded drunkenly, "A life form of its own."
"A living machine?" McCoy asked and Spock tore his eyes from the captain to take in the image of Leonard McCoy. A better brother one could never choose, fiercely loyal, annoyingly human. How he had missed their quarrels.
"It considers the Enterprise a living machine, that's why the probe refers to our ship as a living entity."
"I saw its home planet. A planet populated by living machines. Unbelievable technology. V'ger has knowledge that spans this universe. And yet with all its pure logic, V'ger is barren, cold. No beauty. I should have..known." His consciousness was fading and he dimly wondered if this was what humans called passing out.
Rough hands shook him by the shoulders, "Known? Known what? Spock?"
"Captain-" The doctor tried to move him away.
"Bones. Spock? What should you have know?"
He wanted to sleep, needed to sleep. But something was very important. What was it? Oh yes, "Jim." He grabbed his friend's hand as if it could save him from drowning in this dark exhaustion. And somehow, illogically, it did. He smiled, "This simple feeling is beyond V'ger's comprehension." There was no wall of control left to erect between them. "No meaning, no hope. And Jim. No answers. It's asking questions."
"What questions?"
He did not disguise the welling of tears as he spoke, "Is this all that I am? Is there nothing more?"
"Bridge to Captain."
Jim moved to the comm unit. "Kirk here."
"A faint signal from Starfleet sir - "
From across the room Spock listened to Leonard and Jim talk together.
The memories of his experience flashed before his eyes. It was almost overwhelming again.
Ilia-Epsilon Station-Klingon Warship-Christine.
Christine?
Why had her image been so imbedded in the memory? V'ger had no experience of her, no memory of her as anything other than a carbon based unit. But in the flash of images hers was clear.
"I need Spock on the bridge."
The sound of his name brought his attention from his reverie.
Christine moved next to him.
She had been standing there the whole time and he had not questioned her presence, had not even looked at her. She was just quietly there as she always had been. Watching, waiting for a need to arise so that she could fulfill it. Not out of any unrequited love or with any such expectations, but because it was who she was.
He looked at her now, seeing her with new eyes.
For an instant she seemed to pause, startled by the raw honesty that she found in his face. Then he watched, mesmerized by her ability to control, as her eyes changed from patient open watchfulness to warm but guarded action.
The order was given, she moved to respond.
"Diphelene 5 ccs." Dr. Chapel ordered Ensign Faron.
He heard her order the stimulant to help him function on the bridge but did not lower his gaze.
She met his eyes.
It was a moment of clarity that he had felt once before, but this time he felt no fear.
There was no doubt it was over. There would be no more.
This was all they had and now it was time to begin again.
They did have control. Control over how they were to live.
It was only a moment, but in that flash there was complete understanding.
There were still words that he wished to say, words that she deserved, but for this moment it was enough.
He nodded slightly to her saw her nod in acceptance.
Without a word she reached out and helped him up.
He moved from the bio bed, feeling like he had just come home.
McCoy was speaking in awe, "A machine planet. Sending a machine to earth looking for its creator. It's absolutely incredible."
Time to get the hell out of the belly of the beast.