Chapter 7: Stay With Me

After dinner Jake insisted he walk me home although our houses aren't very far apart. He held my hand as we walked down the street. "I think my dad might like you more than he likes me." Jake smiles.

I smile and shrug, "It's very possible, but who wouldn't like me more than they like you?" I tease him.

"Very true." He smiles as we walk up to my front porch. "So… this is your house." Jake says.

I laugh, "Yeah, you've only been here a thousand times." Jake looks at me with a small smile. I wish I could read his mind, what is going on in there? He looks so deep in thought when he looks at me. "What are you thinking about Jacob Black?"

Jake smiles slightly, "I'm thinking about how much I want to kiss you again, about how much I've wanted to kiss you ever since I stopped kissing you."

I smile; I wrap my arms around his neck, my hands rest at the hair at the nape of his neck. Jake's arms wrap around my waist and pull me against him. "Then what's stopping you?"

Jake smiles and then his lips meet mine. We kiss on my porch for a moment but then I hear a howl a short distance away. I pull away; I don't want anyone to see me kissing Jake, not this way. I've never been one for PDA and the kissing we are doing tonight seems much more intimate than any of our kissing has before. I feel vulnerable in Jake's arms, like I could melt in a second from his touch. But I also feel strong, like his touch ignites something inside of me that makes me feel like I can fly. I don't want anyone else to see, this is something I want to stay between us in a world where no one has secrets, and in a pack where privacy is nonexistent I wanted this to be between Jake and me.

"I need to go inside." I tell Jake. Jake looks disappointed. His arms unwrap from my waist.

"Okay, well goodnight Leah." Jake says. He kisses my forehead and begins walking down the steps to the porch.

When he reaches the last step I ask him, "What are you doing Jacob?"

"You said you had to go." He tells me as he turns to face me.

"I meant we needed to go inside." I tell him with a big smile on my face. "I'm not ready to stop kissing you Jake."

Jake smiles and rushes up the steps. When he reaches me his hand goes to move the hair out of my face. "I was hoping you'd say that." He kisses my forehead and I open the door and lead him into my house.

I lock the door to my house, which I can't remember a time I've ever needed to lock it before. Jake walks over to the couch and sits.

I shake my head. "Not here." I whisper and hold out my hand for him to take. Jake looks surprised but he gets up and takes my hand as I lead him to my room.

When we get into my room Jake looks at me. "What's going on Leah?"

"Come on Jake, I know you are smarter than that." I smile as I grab his shirt and pull him to me, my lips press against his but he seems so unsure. Maybe, he doesn't want this. I pull away after a second and look at him. "What are you thinking now?" I ask him.

"That you might regret if things go further than just kissing today." I shake my head. "You say that now, after we've been kissing the way we have. I know I got caught up in it earlier. I don't want you to regret anything Leah. I want it to be perfect when... when we actually have sex. I want it to be perfect and I don't want you to regret it. Which I feel like you might regret it when you wake up in the morning, and that would just kill me. I mean we've only been a couple for a week. You said you wanted to take it slow, as much as I don't want to take it slow at this moment I think it is best if we don't go passed kissing tonight." Jake says.

Jake is right, as usual. I did say I wanted to take it slow, but between the declarations about how we feel about each other and all of the hot kissing my head had gotten cloudy. I'd forgotten that I could still get hurt by Jake, even if he would never want to hurt me. Jacob Black had the power to shatter me into a million little pieces; he had the power to completely crush me, even though at his moment his thoughts were only on being with me, his thoughts could quickly change to Nessie. I knew first hand some things you couldn't stop. Sam Uley still fell in love with my cousin even though he loved me, even though he never wanted to hurt me he still had to be with Emily. Jacob could do the same exact thing, maybe there was just a certain amount of time we had and then his feelings would change for Nessie.

I wanted Jacob, more than I've wanted anyone. But he was right, we've only been together for about a week, if we had sex and his feelings did change to favor Nessie over me that would be even more painful.

I pull away and sit on my bed. Jake knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. He knew that I might want this right now, but I wouldn't afterwards, I'd be so much more vulnerable if we had sex.

"Leah, it's, it's not that I don't want to. Because trust me, I do. But I just want it to be at the right moment, at the right time, when you really want it." Jake says and he carefully steps forward. He's worried he has hurt my feelings.

I shake my head, "You're right. I want us to take it slow, and if we had sex tonight it's very possible that you could love Nessie tomorrow and that would crush me Jake." Jake steps closer and cups my face in his hands. He lifts my face so my eyes meet his.

"I never want to hurt you, Leah. You have to know that." He tells me and I nod my head. "I don't want to rush this. And I can't imagine ever feeling about anyone the way I feel about you at this moment."

"Right now," I say, "Right now you can't imagine it. But everything can change in a moment." I try to look away but he still has my face cupped in his hands. A tear dances down my cheek. "I don't want to lose you, Jake."

Jake kisses the tear, and his lips linger on my cheek before he pulls away. "Everything will be okay." He whispers to me. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Yet," I whisper.

Jake's eyes meet mine. "I can promise you Leah Clearwater, I will never stop caring about you. Imprint or not, whether we are fated to be together forever or not. I will always care for you."

"Stay with me," I say softly, "please."

"I'm not going anywhere." He tells me again as he kisses my cheek and then my lips. It's a gentle kiss, a kiss that feels like he thinks I'm going to shatter if the kiss was anything but gentle. Maybe I would. My thoughts are racing, my feelings are on edge. I have such a mixture of feelings: hope, fear, happiness, sadness, frenzied and calm.

Jake and I kiss off and on throughout the night, some kisses are more passionate and others are more tender. We talk about what we want in the future. We talk about things we've never told anyone else. And when we are too tired to stay awake, I fall asleep in Jake's arms, my head resting on his pillow, his steady breathing and heartbeat act like a lullaby to soothe me into a wonderful sleep.